A little about me…….

You can describe me as a local hero. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing spiders. I have been known to remodel train stations on lunch breaks, making them more energy efficient. I can translate ethnic slurs for refugees, I write award-winning operas, manage time efficiently. I can tread water for three days in a row. I’ve been known to make men tremble simply by whispering their name. I cook 30-minute brownies in 15-minutes.

I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Mexico. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in Thailand from a horde of ferocious army ants. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. On Wednesdays, after school I repair bicycles free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst and avid collector of horses. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy eveningwear. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I have been known to hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. Once read War & Peace, Paradise Lost in the same day and still had time to refurbish my dining room. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week, when I do sleep it is often while standing. While on vacation, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorist who had seized a small bakery. Laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and all my bills are paid.

Years ago, I figured out the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a ginzu knife and George Foreman grill. I breed prize winning clams, raise award winning roses, won spelling bees at the Kremlin and a cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka. I can perform open-heart surgery, have total recall of the FBI’s most wanted list and contract consulting as a physic detective. Basically I do a little of this and a little of that.

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