Coach Camacho: Shit. I know shit's bad right now. With all that losing bullshit. But I got a solution.

Bandwagoner 1: That's what you said last time dipshit!

Bandwagoner 2: I got a solution. YOU'RE A DICK!!! Cardinal Nation! What's up!

(CoachCamacho reaches down and pulls out huge gun and fires some warning shots. The crowd shuts up.)

Coach Camacho:  That's what I thought... Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now.  But listen up. I got a three point plan to fix everything.
Number one, we got this guy Not Healthy.

(Paul Kariya appears live on the jumbotron)

Coach Camacho: Number two, he's more skilled than anyone in history, and number three, he's gonna fix everything! I give you my word as Coach!

(The crowd starts to rally. Kariya looks uneasy.)

Coach Camacho: He'll fix the power play! And that ain't all... I give you my word, he's gonna fix the penalty kill too! And I give you my word, he's gonna fix the Swedish vagina sandstorms too!

(Kariya tries to interrupt, weakly raising a hand, but he's ignored.)

Coach Camacho: He's gonna fix the even strength scoring! He's gonna fix the bought and paid for refs! He's gonna fix the problems with the cheap shot artists! Ladies and gentleman, the new Savoir of the Playoffs, Not Healthy!

(The fans go wild!!!!)

Paul Kariya: Ummm, did I mention I'm not ready yet?

via images.icanhascheezburger.com

to Sean "Juan" Gallagher, Brad "B-Rad" Lee, Chris "Gift in a box" Gift, Answer "You can't handle the truth" Man, Brian "Tomorrow's Blues" Weidler and all of the rest of the writers, vendors and hangers-on of St. Louis Game Time.

You started this publication and website during the lean years when only the die-hard fans were paying attention. You got us through some rough times with your blend of angst, analysis, profanity and humor.

You've parlayed your efforts into a place in SB Nation, mention in the local and national press and blogosphere and an ever-increasing fanbase not just for the Blues, but for Game Time.

Like a lobotomized monkey would say after a game winning goal: "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

And like his handler would say: "I don't think the Game Time guys saw that compliment coming."

I still haven't gotten that bullshit Wings collapse from last night out of my system. Like I said before, if the Wings can find a way to screw the Blues, they'll do it.

In the spirit of that sentiment, I thought I'd offer this children's joke I got off a Bazooka bubblegum wrapper.

------

A doctor, a lawyer, and an accountant all die and go to heaven on the same day.

When they get to the Pearly Gates, they are greeted by St. Peter.

St. Peter says: "Chris Osgood is a worthless sack of shit and I'd tell him so myself if he weren't going straight to hell when he dies."

-----

By the way, that joke is actually a modified version on one on McSweeney's Internet Tendency. I should credit them to I don't get accused of plagerism.

Our friends over at Pension Plan Puppets have started a fan poll to decide which Western Conference team to root for in the playoffs. So far, Columbus is winning.

We can't have that. Here's a call to all Game Timers to visit PPP and hijack the poll. Pick the Blues as the team behind which they will put all of their fan energy.

Here's what their poll says: (follow the link to the actual poll)

With 2 points last night the Columbus Blue Jackets locked up the sixth playoff spot in the West, and we're coming down to the wire. Here are the current Western Conference standings:

	DIV	GP	W	L	OT	Pts	GF	GA	Home	Away	L10	Streak
1	y -  San Jose Sharks	PAC	80	53	16	11	117	253	196	32-4-4	21-12-7	7-2-1	Won 2
2	y -  Detroit Red Wings	CEN	79	51	19	9	111	290	233	27-8-4	24-11-5	6-4-0	Won 2
3	x -  Calgary Flames	NW	80	45	29	6	96	249	242	26-10-4	19-19-2	4-6-0	Lost 1
4	x -  Chicago Blackhawks	CEN	80	44	24	12	100	257	214	23-9-8	21-15-4	7-2-1	Lost 1
5	x -  Vancouver Canucks	NW	80	43	27	10	96	244	220	23-12-5	20-15-5	5-4-1	Won 1
6	x -  Columbus Blue Jackets	CEN	80	41	29	10	92	222	221	25-12-3	16-17-7	5-1-4	Won 1
7	Anaheim Ducks	PAC	80	41	33	6	88	237	230	19-18-3	22-15-3	8-2-0	Lost 1
8	St Louis Blues	CEN	80	39	31	10	88	229	232	22-13-5	17-18-5	7-2-1	Won 1
9	Nashville Predators	CEN	80	39	33	8	86	205	222	24-13-4	15-20-4	4-3-3	Lost 1
10	Minnesota Wild	NW	80	38	33	9	85	205	193	22-11-7	16-22-2	5-4-1	Won 1

 

So, PPPers, who should we root for in the West? San Jose because of their handsome teal jerseys and warm weather? Columbus on their first trip to the postseason (yes)? Anaheim because we all love Pronger and Bobby Ryan?

If anybody selects Vancouver or Detroit (besides SkinnyFish), I'm going to let Moose start blogging full time about how great the Oilers are.

Here's the link: Go there now.

 

via www.lostroom.co.uk

I just got information that some Blues players will be taking part in the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Missouri bowling fundraiser tonight from 7 to 9 at Flamingo Bowl at 1117 Washington Ave.

Here's the list of probables:

Andy Murray

DJ King

Erik Johnson

Paul Kariya

No word on whether Kariya uses both hands to granny swing the ball between his legs so as not to strain his mangina.

I'm told EJ has been strictly prohibited from going anywhere near the pin resetting machines.

via media.canada.com

I decided to do this as a fan post and not a direct message to Brian because I think others will be interested.

Brett Sonne has 47 goals and 50 assists now for the Calgary (Calgary! Ontario! Canada!) Hitmen of the Western Hockey League and has now been signed to a contract by the Blues.

What does his WHL production project to in the NHL? I've heard third line player. But with the gaudy points he's putting up it makes me wonder if he might not have better upside than that. Or is the goaltending and defense just so crappy in the WHL that even a moderately good player can put up good numbers?

 

11. JD likes the kitsch appeal of having an actual Winnipeg Jet

10. What? And lose the Huey Lewis of Hockey?

9. Glen Metropolit was not available.

8. Because David Backes said so.

7. Walt? Who's Walt? I don't see that name on the roster.

6. Brad Winchester needs his set-up man.

5. It's cheaper than putting rookies up in hotel rooms.

4. So we can keep using the Manny-Walt love photo.

3. How else are we going to attract a Dunkin' Donuts?

2. We need a spare fat guy in case the Cotton-Eyed Joe dancer gets hurt.

1. Because keeping him out of  a Bruins uniform is wicked pissah.

For what it's worth, the Fox 2 morning show had Cam Janssen on this morning.

I can't get just the clip of Janssen to post, so follow the link and look for the item on "Blues top fighter Cam Janssen talks about playoffs" or "King of Eureka puts up with a really lame interview."

http://www.fox2now.com/news/morningshow/

One of the better nuggets is he's superstitious about how much water he drinks before a game and how he laces his skates. If he does either wrong I'm guessing it messes up his goal scoring ability.

Like a priest with a boner, I love Boyes. That's why when the NHL sent me an email reminder to cast some All-Star votes, I just had to get in on the action.

I filled out 10 All-Star ballots today. Brad Boyes was on all of them. I also Went for Iceberg, writing-in the rookie on every ballot.

I just can't vote for Tkachuk. Even though he played great earlier in the season. I just don't think he deserves it.

So, after I got done casting the ballots I looked at the leader board among Western Conference forwards.

   KANE, Patrick                  759076   TOEWS, Jonathan          659520   GETZLAF, Ryan               594162    HOSSA, Marian               383899    IGINLA, Jarome               382486   THORNTON, Joe             366814    DATSYUK, Pavel             360533   ZETTERBERG, Henrik   353660   MARLEAU, Patrick           313758   KOIVU, Mikko                    167231

Where's Boyes? Well, he has 79,877 votes as of 9:30 p.m. today. If he gets 100,000 more he could make the team based on fan votes.

What's depressing though is that Devin Setoguchi of the San Jose Sharks has 57,572. The guy isn't even on the ballot. That many people wrote him in. Devin fucking Setoguchi. Maybe it's the Japan vote. I have no idea. He has put up good point totals, but not so much more than Boyes that he should be this close to Bradley in the fan balloting when he isn't even on the ballot. Equally surprising is that Paul Kariya, out due to injury lo these many games, has 44,926 votes. And Walt has a mere 28,119 votes. So while many people agree with me that he doesn't deserve to go to the All-Star game, I still don't get how Kariya is outpacing him in votes. Anyway, as I've said before, I can't wait for the Young Stars game.

 

 

Go to the site for NORAD tracks Santa http://www.noradsanta.org/en/home.html

If you click the vidoe icon over St. Louis, you can see him fly right over downtown. I have to think he stopped off at DrinkScotch with some gifts for the Blues.

Other than a box full of spare parts for Brewer, I'm wondering what he brought.

Maybe some passion for Woywhatamidoinghere.

How about some talent for Winchester.

I know Andy Murray asked for some coupons for free Bellacino's. He loves grinders.

Any more guesses for what the Blues asked for and what they got?

So, Fragile Jay McKee, after an extended stint off the injury list has once again found himself out of commssion. This time it's a fractured finger.

I wonder at what time in his life Fragile Jay realized he was destined to get hurt at the slightest touch. I'm surprised that by this point he hasn't given up hockey and orchestrated a series of arena disasters intent on finding the "Invincible" hockey player. The Bruce Willis to his Samuel L. Jackson. The Iron Man Cal Ripken Jr. of the rink.

Seriously, McKee, while revered in Buffalo, has been nothing short of a bubble boy here in St. Louis. It makes you wonder if the league will ever authorize players to use hampster balls.

I can't remember ever seeing a player miss as much time as Fragile Jay.  Let's hope T.J. Oshie doesn't follow in his crutch steps. Let's hope Paul "I'm yet to live up to my contract" Kariya gets back soon. Let's hope Andy "I was starting to show flashes again of my Stanley Cup play in Anaheim" MacDonald also returns soon. And let's hope EJ decides golf is a waste of time and takes up checkers.

That being said, McKee was seeing less ice time. One has to wonder if that was part of the reason for the Blues' recent string of losses. The guy is solid defensively and can block a ton of shots. The good news is Yonus Yunland could make his debut with the Blues this season on Thursday. If nothing else, it could give us an idea of whether to put any hope on Junland being a regular contributor on Blues bluelines in seasons to come.

At the very least, we now know to pack Jay in bubble wrap before team flights.