SB Nation User Blog: Pagan

The Camacho playoff solution

Pagan — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:06:52 -0000

Coach Camacho: Shit. I know shit's bad right now. With all that losing bullshit. But I got a solution.

Bandwagoner 1: That's what you said last time dipshit!

Bandwagoner 2: I got a solution. YOU'RE A DICK!!! Cardinal Nation! What's up!

(CoachCamacho reaches down and pulls out huge gun and fires some warning shots. The crowd shuts up.)

Coach Camacho: That's what I thought... Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But listen up. I got a three point plan to fix everything.
Number one, we got this guy Not Healthy.

(Paul Kariya appears live on the jumbotron)

Coach Camacho: Number two, he's more skilled than anyone in history, and number three, he's gonna fix everything! I give you my word as Coach!

(The crowd starts to rally. Kariya looks uneasy.)

Coach Camacho: He'll fix the power play! And that ain't all... I give you my word, he's gonna fix the penalty kill too! And I give you my word, he's gonna fix the Swedish vagina sandstorms too!

(Kariya tries to interrupt, weakly raising a hand, but he's ignored.)

Coach Camacho: He's gonna fix the even strength scoring! He's gonna fix the bought and paid for refs! He's gonna fix the problems with the cheap shot artists! Ladies and gentleman, the new Savoir of the Playoffs, Not Healthy!

(The fans go wild!!!!)

Paul Kariya: Ummm, did I mention I'm not ready yet?

I'll add some Thank Yous

Pagan — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 21:02:10 -0000

via images.icanhascheezburger.com

to Sean "Juan" Gallagher, Brad "B-Rad" Lee, Chris "Gift in a box" Gift, Answer "You can't handle the truth" Man, Brian "Tomorrow's Blues" Weidler and all of the rest of the writers, vendors and hangers-on of St. Louis Game Time.

You started this publication and website during the lean years when only the die-hard fans were paying attention. You got us through some rough times with your blend of angst, analysis, profanity and humor.

You've parlayed your efforts into a place in SB Nation, mention in the local and national press and blogosphere and an ever-increasing fanbase not just for the Blues, but for Game Time.

Like a lobotomized monkey would say after a game winning goal: "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

And like his handler would say: "I don't think the Game Time guys saw that compliment coming."

Pile on Chris Osgood

Pagan — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 15:02:07 -0000

I still haven't gotten that bullshit Wings collapse from last night out of my system. Like I said before, if the Wings can find a way to screw the Blues, they'll do it.

In the spirit of that sentiment, I thought I'd offer this children's joke I got off a Bazooka bubblegum wrapper.

------

A doctor, a lawyer, and an accountant all die and go to heaven on the same day.

When they get to the Pearly Gates, they are greeted by St. Peter.

St. Peter says: "Chris Osgood is a worthless sack of shit and I'd tell him so myself if he weren't going straight to hell when he dies."

-----

By the way, that joke is actually a modified version on one on McSweeney's Internet Tendency. I should credit them to I don't get accused of plagerism.

Hijack The PPP Poll

Pagan — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:35:03 -0000

Our friends over at Pension Plan Puppets have started a fan poll to decide which Western Conference team to root for in the playoffs. So far, Columbus is winning.

We can't have that. Here's a call to all Game Timers to visit PPP and hijack the poll. Pick the Blues as the team behind which they will put all of their fan energy.

Here's what their poll says: (follow the link to the actual poll)

With 2 points last night the Columbus Blue Jackets locked up the sixth playoff spot in the West, and we're coming down to the wire. Here are the current Western Conference standings:

DIV GP W L OT Pts GF GA Home Away L10 Streak

1 y - San Jose Sharks PAC 80 53 16 11 117 253 196 32-4-4 21-12-7 7-2-1 Won 2

2 y - Detroit Red Wings CEN 79 51 19 9 111 290 233 27-8-4 24-11-5 6-4-0 Won 2

3 x - Calgary Flames NW 80 45 29 6 96 249 242 26-10-4 19-19-2 4-6-0 Lost 1

4 x - Chicago Blackhawks CEN 80 44 24 12 100 257 214 23-9-8 21-15-4 7-2-1 Lost 1

5 x - Vancouver Canucks NW 80 43 27 10 96 244 220 23-12-5 20-15-5 5-4-1 Won 1

6 x - Columbus Blue Jackets CEN 80 41 29 10 92 222 221 25-12-3 16-17-7 5-1-4 Won 1

7 Anaheim Ducks PAC 80 41 33 6 88 237 230 19-18-3 22-15-3 8-2-0 Lost 1

8 St Louis Blues CEN 80 39 31 10 88 229 232 22-13-5 17-18-5 7-2-1 Won 1

9 Nashville Predators CEN 80 39 33 8 86 205 222 24-13-4 15-20-4 4-3-3 Lost 1

10 Minnesota Wild NW 80 38 33 9 85 205 193 22-11-7 16-22-2 5-4-1 Won 1

So, PPPers, who should we root for in the West? San Jose because of their handsome teal jerseys and warm weather? Columbus on their first trip to the postseason (yes)? Anaheim because we all love Pronger and Bobby Ryan?

If anybody selects Vancouver or Detroit (besides SkinnyFish), I'm going to let Moose start blogging full time about how great the Oilers are.

Here's the link: Go there now.

Of big balls and Johnsons

Pagan — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:39:06 -0000

via www.lostroom.co.uk

I just got information that some Blues players will be taking part in the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Missouri bowling fundraiser tonight from 7 to 9 at Flamingo Bowl at 1117 Washington Ave.

Here's the list of probables:

Andy Murray

DJ King

Erik Johnson

Paul Kariya

No word on whether Kariya uses both hands to granny swing the ball between his legs so as not to strain his mangina.

I'm told EJ has been strictly prohibited from going anywhere near the pin resetting machines.

Brett Sonne question for Tomorrow's Blues

Pagan — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 15:08:17 -0000

via media.canada.com

I decided to do this as a fan post and not a direct message to Brian because I think others will be interested.

Brett Sonne has 47 goals and 50 assists now for the Calgary (Calgary! Ontario! Canada!) Hitmen of the Western Hockey League and has now been signed to a contract by the Blues.

What does his WHL production project to in the NHL? I've heard third line player. But with the gaudy points he's putting up it makes me wonder if he might not have better upside than that. Or is the goaltending and defense just so crappy in the WHL that even a moderately good player can put up good numbers?

Top 11 Reasons Walt Stayed A Blue

Pagan — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 21:29:54 -0000

11. JD likes the kitsch appeal of having an actual Winnipeg Jet

10. What? And lose the Huey Lewis of Hockey?

9. Glen Metropolit was not available.

8. Because David Backes said so.

7. Walt? Who's Walt? I don't see that name on the roster.

6. Brad Winchester needs his set-up man.

5. It's cheaper than putting rookies up in hotel rooms.

4. So we can keep using the Manny-Walt love photo.

3. How else are we going to attract a Dunkin' Donuts?

2. We need a spare fat guy in case the Cotton-Eyed Joe dancer gets hurt.

1. Because keeping him out of a Bruins uniform is wicked pissah.

Cam Janssen on Fox2 Monday

Pagan — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:23:54 -0000

For what it's worth, the Fox 2 morning show had Cam Janssen on this morning.

I can't get just the clip of Janssen to post, so follow the link and look for the item on "Blues top fighter Cam Janssen talks about playoffs" or "King of Eureka puts up with a really lame interview."

http://www.fox2now.com/news/morningshow/

One of the better nuggets is he's superstitious about how much water he drinks before a game and how he laces his skates. If he does either wrong I'm guessing it messes up his goal scoring ability.

Image FanShot

Pagan — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 04:39:58 -0000

All-Star Game here we .. wait forget it

Pagan — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 03:35:56 -0000

Like a priest with a boner, I love Boyes. That's why when the NHL sent me an email reminder to cast some All-Star votes, I just had to get in on the action.

I filled out 10 All-Star ballots today. Brad Boyes was on all of them. I also Went for Iceberg, writing-in the rookie on every ballot.

I just can't vote for Tkachuk. Even though he played great earlier in the season. I just don't think he deserves it.

So, after I got done casting the ballots I looked at the leader board among Western Conference forwards.

KANE, Patrick 759076 TOEWS, Jonathan 659520 GETZLAF, Ryan 594162 HOSSA, Marian 383899 IGINLA, Jarome 382486 THORNTON, Joe 366814 DATSYUK, Pavel 360533 ZETTERBERG, Henrik 353660 MARLEAU, Patrick 313758 KOIVU, Mikko 167231

Where's Boyes? Well, he has 79,877 votes as of 9:30 p.m. today. If he gets 100,000 more he could make the team based on fan votes.

What's depressing though is that Devin Setoguchi of the San Jose Sharks has 57,572. The guy isn't even on the ballot. That many people wrote him in. Devin fucking Setoguchi. Maybe it's the Japan vote. I have no idea. He has put up good point totals, but not so much more than Boyes that he should be this close to Bradley in the fan balloting when he isn't even on the ballot. Equally surprising is that Paul Kariya, out due to injury lo these many games, has 44,926 votes. And Walt has a mere 28,119 votes. So while many people agree with me that he doesn't deserve to go to the All-Star game, I still don't get how Kariya is outpacing him in votes. Anyway, as I've said before, I can't wait for the Young Stars game.

	DIV	GP	W	L	OT	Pts	GF	GA	Home	Away	L10	Streak
1	y - San Jose Sharks	PAC	80	53	16	11	117	253	196	32-4-4	21-12-7	7-2-1	Won 2
2	y - Detroit Red Wings	CEN	79	51	19	9	111	290	233	27-8-4	24-11-5	6-4-0	Won 2
3	x - Calgary Flames	NW	80	45	29	6	96	249	242	26-10-4	19-19-2	4-6-0	Lost 1
4	x - Chicago Blackhawks	CEN	80	44	24	12	100	257	214	23-9-8	21-15-4	7-2-1	Lost 1
5	x - Vancouver Canucks	NW	80	43	27	10	96	244	220	23-12-5	20-15-5	5-4-1	Won 1
6	x - Columbus Blue Jackets	CEN	80	41	29	10	92	222	221	25-12-3	16-17-7	5-1-4	Won 1
7	Anaheim Ducks	PAC	80	41	33	6	88	237	230	19-18-3	22-15-3	8-2-0	Lost 1
8	St Louis Blues	CEN	80	39	31	10	88	229	232	22-13-5	17-18-5	7-2-1	Won 1

9	Nashville Predators	CEN	80	39	33	8	86	205	222	24-13-4	15-20-4	4-3-3	Lost 1
10	Minnesota Wild	NW	80	38	33	9	85	205	193	22-11-7	16-22-2	5-4-1	Won 1