SB Nation User Blog: Pliny the Elder

AstroShaq

Pliny the Elder — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 20:38:32 -0000

AstroShaq

Geek humor, I know, but it made me laugh out loud.

Apologies, for the lack of attribution, if this was posted earlier.

The Sonics: Why David Stern deserves to be vigorously sodomized with a rusty wire brush.

Pliny the Elder — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:56:45 -0000

Of course, I'm not suggesting anybody should actually do this, but the Sonics move is a complete disgrace, and I can't think of a more suitable punishment for big Dave for not stopping it.

But lets be clear here.. the balance of power in the NBA has always been between owners and everybody else. Remember, the other owners approved this move too. While David Stern might behave like a low-budget power-mad pocket Napoleon, his actions, while often self-serving, have mostly been to satisfy the whims of the owners, and he leaves no stone unturned in service of that imperative.

The Sonics move to Oklahoma City, is at the end of the day, a result of the city of Seattle failing to sufficiently kiss Stern's ass, while at the same time showing that they in fact love the Mariners and Seahawks more than the Sonics.

Any scrap of respect I had for Stern is gone after this move and the heavy handed way he's handling the referee scandal, which by the way is complete theatrical bs. Why would you hire an ex-general (and one who has been more involved in r&d and logistics than combat, btw), unless you wanted a person in charge who would be, to all intents and purposes, and by virtue of his status, immune to any questions of integrity? It's a sham.

The irony of it all is that if David Stern had decided to be completely open wrt the refs, worked sincerely with the union and players on issues such as the non-leather ball and rules changes, had given Oklahoma an expansion slot (imho, a 32 team NBA ( 4 eight team divisions ) would offer an improved and more competitive product.), rather than allowing a relocation, and had actually tried to work with the city of Seattle to help make the Sonics a more profitable franchise, the NBA would be in a really good position for stable future growth.

The Celtics and Lakers, this year, have given him an opportunity which imho he should not squander, and that is to reorient the marketing of the NBA as a whole towards teams, rather than towards individual stars. It's what the MLB and NFL orgs do, as well as every single soccer team in Europe, and protects those teams from fluctuations in revenue cause by players retiring, getting arrested or other boneheaded behavior. Stern needs to forget about expansion into Europe or Asia, where basketball is at best a second rate draw, and focus on optimizing his opportunities here.

The Celtics just marmalised the Lakers..

Pliny the Elder — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 03:43:51 -0000

I am sad that the Suns weren't able to do this, this year, but this might be one of the sweetest sports moments ever. The Celtics didn't just beat the Lakers, they *crushed* them, pounded them, abused, humiliated and debased them, beat them and stole their lunch money.

39 points... Way to go Boston.

What's that I smell?? The stink of Laker humilation and complete and utter defeat.. and what a sweet scent it is.

Just let me take it all in.... Ahhh.

It's good to see your enemy lie there, destroyed.

How to fix the ref problem

Pliny the Elder — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 18:26:10 -0000

There are too many instances of egregiously bad calls in the playoffs for this to go away: Bennett Salvatore non-call on Walton, Hue Hollins call on Scottie Pippen, Lakers/Kings 6th game, etc....

However, talk is cheap.. Here are some suggestions for Dave to get himself out of this jam.

a) When Donaghy talks, shut the frak up. When you protest too much, and start disparaging people, people start to think you might actually be guilty.

b) Investigate badly called games/specific bad calls immediately. Hire an ex-gambler/bookie to be your special investigator of games. Nothing better in this sitch than a true pro.

c) Don't blame the refs for this. If you want to fix the problem, you'll need their co-operation.

d) separate the regular season from the playoffs. when playoff time comes around, allow the refs to select the best among themselves. Allow teams to "veto" troublesome refs (you could make it that a ref needs 3 vetos from the playoff teams to actually be disqualified from running games)

e) add a 4th TV ref for playoff games, with the right to call for a review (only allow on-court refs to make actual binding calls).

f) implement Mark Cuban's quality assurance suggestions

g) be more open about any investigations. My feeling is that any investigations done by central office have more than a whiff of cover-up about them.

Jeff Hornacek and Team Phoenix

Pliny the Elder — Wed, 21 May 2008 00:41:43 -0000

Sounds like Steve Kerr is interviewing Jeff Hornacek for a coaching position.

While I don't think he's ready yet for a head coach job, I think in time he'll be great. And he's one of my favorite players of all time. Totally smart, with a near paranormal and amazingly beautiful floating shot. And not to forget that he shotgunned for Stockton.

Anyhoo, if Steve Kerr is thinking about building a staff that is constructed along the following lines, I might be happy about that:

Head Coach: Michael Cooper/Kurt Rambis/Terry Porter
Assistant Head Coach & eminence gris: Paul Silas
Assistant Coaches: Alvin Gentry, Phil Weber, Jeff Hornacek

Terry Porter

Pliny the Elder — Tue, 20 May 2008 04:15:13 -0000

(with apologies to Ry Cooder)

Terry Porter was the oldest in his family
And I remember he was almost twenty one
Y’know I can’t quite explain the situation
But he broke into his father’s truck and stole a gun
Mother running down the highway screaming
Terry it’s too bad, oh it’s too bad
And it’s too bad

Well, his father wonders where he got the money
And he wonders if he got it right or wrong
Then Terry killed a man in Pensacola, Florida
And he caught a freight train and and took off on the run
Well, run, Terry, run
They’re rolling right behind you
Run, Terry, run
You know they’re gonna find you
You come out late at night, ‘cause you’re running for your life

Hum, Terry Porter
Terry Porter
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Well, it’s a shame the way you make your mother worry
And it’s hurts inside to sit and watch her cry
And it will be a long time before she knows the answer
But it won’t be long before she will see ya die
Well, I was standing in my front door early this morning
So sad, when I heard my name was said
Terry Porter was no good than anybody
But I hate to see him throw his life away

Now, run, Terry, run
They’re rolling right behind you
Run, Terry, run
You know they’re gonna find you
You come out late at night, ‘cause you’re running for your life

Well, Terry Porter, Terry Porter
Found him holed up in some dark and dirty building
Heard his mother begging, "please, let Terry go!"
That’s when Terry fired his pistol
As a warning and he said,
"I was born to die by the gun"
"I was born to die by the gun"
"I was born to die by the gun"

If not Hubie, then who(bie)...

Pliny the Elder — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:43:19 -0000

Michael Cooper.

Think about it, a defensive specialist (gave Larry Bird fits) who played on the Showtime Lakers with Magic, Kareem and Worthy, and won 5 rings.

He has plenty of NBA assistant coaching experience, with LA and Denver, headed the Nuggets for a little while, and even coached the LA Sparks to two WNBA championships.

Culturally, he'd be a good match for the Suns, understanding the need to balance fast break offense with good defense, and he's won under the spotlight, suggesting he'd have a cool head where Mike D panicked this year.

I'm still convinced that the squad we have, with a couple of minor adjustments, is a true contender for next years title, particularly if they can get a full pre-season together. We had flashes of it before the playoffs.

Having played on a team that had a similar problem, Coop might be able to figure out how to get Shaq and Nash to work together consistently, without getting in each other's way, and without destroying the beauty of Suns basketball.

[Note by Phoenix Stan, 05/07/08 10:12 AM PDT ]

Bob Young at the AZ Republic did a list of the possible candidates in today's paper.

I think he's on the J-Ho diet plan if he thinks popular but inexperiened player/broadcasters like EJ or Majerle would work. If those guys want to coach they need to pay their dues on the bench and not just go directly from the mic to the clipboard.

I love Pliny's idea of Michael Cooper (despite the Laker's ties) and of the other names Paul Silas jumps out as well.

The next coach can't be a "nobody" that Shaq and Amare aren't going to respect. And at the risk of going all pop pyschology, I think having a 'firm father figure" for Amare is very important.

Let's face it. The guy that calls himself "Black Jesus" is likely going to respond better to someone of his own race.

Poll

Whom do you think the next Suns coach should be...

Michael Cooper - Laker's ties be danged

24 votes

Doug Collins - He's wicked smat on TV

5 votes

Tom Thibodeu - Spelling his name would instill discipline and defense

17 votes

Paul Westphal - Suns throw-back

23 votes

Paul Silas - Amare father figure

13 votes

Anyone else that can use proper english

16 votes

98 votes | Poll has closed

les mots justes.

Pliny the Elder — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:05:15 -0000

[the brothers race around the mall parking lot]
Elwood: We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me!
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?
Elwood: Try not to be so negative all the time. Why don't you offer a little... constructive criticism?
Jake: You got us into to this parking lot, pal. Now you get us out!
Elwood: You want outta this parking lot?... O.K.

The title explains all that is wrong with our Suns. This one's for you kids :)

Pliny the Elder — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 16:34:00 -0000

The title explains all that is wrong with our Suns.

This one's for you kids :)

Steve Nash: The Sixty Million Dollar Man. This was on SLAM.

Pliny the Elder — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:47:51 -0000

Steve Nash: The Sixty Million Dollar Man.

This was on SLAM.

SB Nation User Blog: Pliny the Elder

AstroShaq

AstroShaq

The Sonics: Why David Stern deserves to be vigorously sodomized with a rusty wire brush.

The Celtics just *marmalised* the Lakers..

How to fix the ref problem

Jeff Hornacek and Team Phoenix

Terry Porter

If not Hubie, then who(bie)...

Whom do you think the next Suns coach should be...

Michael Cooper - Laker's ties be danged

Doug Collins - He's wicked smat on TV

Tom Thibodeu - Spelling his name would instill discipline and defense

Paul Westphal - Suns throw-back

Paul Silas - Amare father figure

Anyone else that can use proper english

les mots justes.

The title explains all that is wrong with our Suns. This one's for you kids :)

Steve Nash: The Sixty Million Dollar Man. This was on SLAM.

The Celtics just marmalised the Lakers..