SBNation.com User Blog: ProfessorBigelow

NN Prop Bets - For the gamblers in us all

ProfessorBigelow — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 14:44:05 -0000

Happy game week 49ers faithful! Now that our stress is about to begin in earnest, I thought it good to inject some season long brevity into the imminent suffering we will experience in just a few days time.

A fantastic tradition that only truly happens once a year, yet needs to be used more often is the long list of prop bets that come out for the Super Bowl. For those of you who aren't closet gambling addicts, prop (short for Proposition) bets are wagers made based on the occurrence (or non-occurrence) of a specific event during the game that does not directly affect the final outcome (Wikipedia), or an event not normally gambled upon (Urban Dictionary).

Some of my favorite Super Bowl prop bets from last year were...

Will the coin toss be heads or tails?
Over/Under; Time when the first touchdown is scored - 5.5 minutes
Over/under : Jersey number of the player to score the first touchdown - 81.5
Who will score more points, LeBron James vs. the Raptors, or the Patriots?

Borrowing from this, I would like to propose some Niners Nation Prop-Bets. I have a few season-long, and some week-to-week bets that, at the very least, will keep me slightly closer to sane. Hopefully by sharing them, you can join me in some entertainment that could either enhance a victory, or take the sting off a tough loss.

Some of my favorite Super Bowl prop bets from last year were...

Will the coin toss be heads or tails?
Over/Under; Time when the first touchdown is scored - 5.5 minutes
Over/under : Jersey number of the player to score the first touchdown - 81.5
Who will score more points, LeBron James vs. the Raptors, or the Patriots?

Note I do not provide the money lines (e.g. -105, +200, etc) because A) that's way above my head and too much work, B) I'm not actually putting money on these bets, you chain-smoking gambling fiend you, and C) I'm trying to set these lines either choice is more-or-less a coin toss (don't worry, you'll get that bet too).

I have ten Regular Season long prop bets:

Over/Under:
- Number of Jim Harbaugh handshakes ending in "controversy": 0.5
- Longest TD reception for Vernon Davis: 56.5 yards
- Week the 49ers clinch a playoff spot: 14.5
- False start penalties by Joe Staley: 6
- Number of yards passing for David Akers and Andy Lee: 17
- Total team interceptions: 22.5
- Number of yards rushed for by opponents against the 49ers: 1300
Who scores more points in a season, Vernon Davis or Frank Gore?
Will there be more heads or tails at coin tosses?
What is more, the number of runs scored by the winning team in Game 4 of the World Series, or the number of Colin Kaepernick pass attempts this season?

... and six Week 1 prop bets:

Over/Under:
- Number of times FOX announcers bring up that the 49ers passed on Aaron Rogers in the draft: 3.5
- Number of televised Jim Harbaugh man-hugs: 2.5
- Number of penalties for both teams: 24
- Longest Andy Lee punt: 58 yards
What is more, the number of Aaron Rogers passing yards, or the total yardage for the 49ers?
What is more, the number of Packers punts, or the number of challenges used by both teams?

Note; I'm not encouraging anyone to spend their hard earned money on these ridiculous lines that I made up out of thin air. Also, I am writing this in Delaware, so I'm covered.

If there are enough emotional gambling freaks like me out there playing along, I'll keep tabs on these results and let you know weekly how people are stacking up, plus come up with some week 2 bets to put on the table for your wagering pleasure. If it's just me keeping up on it, well, I'll see you all at that dark corner of your local dive bar, drowning my sorrows in the cheapest whiskey possible before Lenny the Hand comes collecting.

Who is Bow-Tie Worthy?

ProfessorBigelow — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 04:37:24 -0000

A certain amount of prestige is necessary before one can wear, what is known in some circles, as the silk crown. One must work hard, put forth a massive amount of dedication and earn the respect of his peers prior to recklessly adorning that which displays his intelligence and worthwhile. Honor, bravado, panache and a certain thing some call chutzpah are mandatory prerequisites before carrying such a heavy burden around your neck.

What the hell am I talking about? Bow-ties. Yes, you heard me right. Bow-ties.

Only certain individuals can rock the bow-tie with the proper respect. If a man prematurely puts on a bow-tie before properly earning the necessary respect, he looks no better than Doink the Clown. He is a fool, a TMZ side-note, barely worthy of Colin Cowherd's abuse during the last 30 seconds of SportsNation (degrading enough as that may be). However, if you are worthy of the bow, the outside world looks upon you with a new-found respect. The laymen remembers your name, the casual fan affirms your decision, and the devotee confirms your selection - you are the (site decorum)ing man, and no one can tell you otherwise.

What the hell am I talking about? Bow-ties. Yes, you heard me right. Bow-ties.

Why do I bring this up at this point in time? Because, to this point in time, no one currently on the 49ers staff is seen as "the bow-tie guy" (at least in my eyes). One of the most well-known NFL bow-tie-ers is Dhani Jones. Not a Hall of Famer by any stretch, but someone with the right stuff - good skill combined with an ear (and a mouth) for the popular media. Tonight, I witnessed Hugh Douglas on ESPN's NFL Live wearing a bow-tie and thought to myself; does he really deserve the bow-tie, or did he just think he would look fly on national TV with a butterfly strapped to his neck?

So, since I can't come up with a better answer myself, and I like to think about these silly things prior to real football (and before September 11th, nothing is real football to me) I want to pose this question to you...

Who, currently on the San Francisco 49ers staff, is worthy of rocking the bow-tie? Who has the proper on-field credentials, combined with the off-field charisma, to pull off this near fashion faux-pas, and look as cool as Shaft while doing it?

Thanks NN, I know you will help me solve this conundrum keeping me up so late at night...

Come Back From the Ledge, Niners Fans, This is Nothing New...

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 15:34:02 -0000

The Niners have disappointed again, losing right out of the gates. Quarterback play has been a real issue, rookie starters aren’t stepping up, the wide receivers are near absent, the coaches seem lost and the defense isn’t throwing their weight around…

So what else is new?

We Niners fans have been exposed to this for a long time now. It seems that every year since Mariucci was tossed away like an overused bathroom rug, the Niners have had one, or all of the problems mentioned above holding them back from greatness. Hell, those errors have held the Niners back from mediocrity. Since the 2003 season, and Dennis "What is West Coast Offense?" Erickson beginning to drive this team into the dirt, it has been disappointment after disappointment. Now, in 2010, we have the latest episode of "How the 49ers will drive me bat-[site decorum] crazy…"

"For [eight] years we’ve been tested and tried and each man here has proved his mettle a hundred times over… and a hundred times again! Punished we were, the lot of us, disproportionate to our crime!" – Captain Hector Barbosa

This season, the pain is a little different. We were finally "getting respect" with most major sports media blowing smoke up our butts, telling us how good our team was all off-season.

"NFC West Champs, no problem…" "A legitimate threat in the NFC…" "I see the Niners in the Super Bowl!"

Now we are face to face with the truth, and it couldn’t be farther from the expectations we, and many analysts had. The Niners, as they stand now, are no where even close to a playoff team. The perspective from the East coast is: so what else is new?

The response has been concentrated vitriol. Patrick Willis is the only man on the team that hasn’t had his head called for by fans and media alike (likely because the focus on the D was elsewhere). Gore has blame, Iupati has blame, Smith, Spikes, Singletary, Norris, York, Crabtree, Davis, Clements all have blame. Raye shouldered a lot of blame and, fair or not, he took the fall for it. Its simple pirate code; any man who falls behind, is left behind. Now, the whole team has fallen behind, and it’s hard to continue to toss the garbage off the sinking ship. This team is tied for worst in the NFL; everyone even tangentially involved with the team has blame.

So why bring all this up? Why continue to rub the salt in our massive headwounds?

Because we’ve been through this before, and we’re still here.

Yes, our expectations were incredibly high, and yes we haven’t won a game. But the way I see it from the East coast, this is par for the course for the 49ers. As sad as it may be, I almost expect disappointment every season. We have seen seven losing seasons since the dismissal of Steve Mariucci, are creeping up on our 8th one. I have seen very little evidence season after season that tells me my favorite team is a legitimate playoff threat. The last time I saw the Niners in the playoffs, we weren't at war with Iraq. Oof.

This early losing streak may be a blessing in disguise… We’ve recently been out of the playoff hunt by Week 13, this season we may just save ourselves some heartache down the line. We can play the spoiler role all season long! It all depends on whether you feel less pain from a blowout (Ex: Week 1 vs Seattle, Week 3 vs KC) or losing a close game (Ex: Week 2 vs Saints, Week 4 vs. Atlanta). Unfortunately, this season is shaping up to be a blowout...

To a certain extent, part of me just accepts this long string of ineptitude in this organization. There was a string of years where the Niners saw unparalleled success. The 49ers were the team to beat, and the team that all others measured themselves against. But to continue the long stretch of success, 49ers brass had to make some long-term sacrifices – i.e. long-term contracts with big money due years down the line. We all knew that hard times were coming, but we didn’t care. We were fine with mortgaging our future for 13 win seasons, and a legitimate threat to do damage in the playoffs year after year. But then it finally caught up to us, especially when T.O. and Jeff Garcia and Garrison Hearst were being paid by the Niners, even though they were on other teams! Combined with the whole DeBartolo drama, and the Yorks driving this train even further into the ground, we officially hit our lull, and it has been near impossible to come out of it.

This is why I’m somewhat complacent with what is taking place. Some fans have never gotten a chance at greatness. Many fans have never even sniffed a Super Bowl. I witnessed multiple Super Bowls, multiple 11+ win seasons, multiple Hall of Famers. I know when it comes time for my team to suck for a while (just like Colts and Patriots fans should be expecting this soon). Did I expect our string of crappy play to reach its 8^th, and possibly most painful season? Maybe not, but part of me is still justifying this season, and the seven before it, for Ronnie Lott, Joe Montana, Steve Young, Jerry Rice, hell even Ken Norton Jr.

In my heart of hearts, I’m an eternal optimist. It is why I have been torn to shreds by each game this season; I continue to hope. As a resident of the "great" city of Philadelphia, I thought we had a real chance to turn this ship around against a down Eagles team. The Eagles came off a heartbreaking loss against a division rival, led by their former fearless leader, Donovan McNabb. The whole city couldn’t care less about them; sports fans here are focused on the Phillies and their playoff run. The people in this town think of the Eagles as a team without heart, "a bunch of lazy, whiner cry-babies" as one friend of mine described them. And this isn’t even getting into their personnel issues. The Eagles could not have been lower, and they beat us. Ouch.

Now I'm not saying that I've given up on this team. What I've tried to do here in the space that Fooch has given me is to coax people back from the ledge. This is not the worst thing to happen to us (Erikson's second season was). And EVEN THOUGH things look bleak, this team is talented and has the potential to turn it on and go on a hot streak.The struggles are obvious, but is this season over? Hell no, we still have five division games left, and if we sweep them all we’re on "easy street". We’re going to endure through this, like we have the past seven seasons. Our time will come, and soon.

Bill Simmons enjoys Game 2 at Staples, but is still a d*ck

ProfessorBigelow — Wed, 05 May 2010 23:08:54 -0000

Bill Simmons enjoys Game 2 at Staples, but is still a d*ck

Funny article about Bill Simmons, well known Celtic fan, attending and enjoying Game 2 at Staples. It's nice to hear some things he says, but throughout the whole article (and punctuated at the end) I am reminded that I still hate this man.

Caption This: Week 4 Domination

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:37:05 -0000

So with all this Craptree stuff going on, I thought it would be nice to remember, "Oh, we dominated this weekend. We are one of the best teams in the NFL... Kick ass!" What better way to celebrate a victory than a good ol-fashioned Caption This? No better way, that's right.

I apologize for missing last week's Caption This; I was too disheartened by that Vikings loss, and with my computer heading to the great hard-drive in the sky, it was tough to get my way to NN. But now the world is right again, Bamm Bamm and the Niners D dominated, the Rams are back at the bottom of the NFC West, and the Niners have a winning record. Nice.

This week, Fearless Leader Samurai Mike Singletary finds something quite funny. I leave the rest to you Nation. Remember, I'm keeping record of wins during the regular season. Howtheyscored won the week 1 contest, and SeBaz49 won the closest Caption This EVER in week 2, squeaking out a victory by 2% with his shout out to Cast Away. Kudos SeBaz, kudos. Who will step up for Week 4?

Remember the rules, post your best caption for the photo above in the comments, then go back and Rec your favorite comments. Those with the most Rec's will make the final voting round. Cut-off for final voting will be tomorrow at midnight (pacific). Winner, as always, gets supreme internet kudos, but these kudos actually count, since it's the regular season.

Caption This NN!

Focus On: Rams @ Niners

ProfessorBigelow — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:17:46 -0000

Well, this has been a rough week. I still feel like I'm catching [site decorum] from my friends thanks to Brett [site decorum], that piece of [site decorum]. Add onto that a Mac laptop with a shattered screen, two tests, two papers and a dead pet gecko, and this has ranked among the worst single-weeks of all time for me. But that won't stop me from reaching you Nation (for better or worse).

I must pass along thanks though to the NFL schedule makers for putting the Rams right after the Vikings. I don't want to assume a win, but needless to say I feel pretty confident about the Niners chances here. I'm in kind of a rush to get to my alma mater's homecoming weekend, but here is a list of things you, as a Niners fan, should focus on during this weekends (hopefully) spirit-lifting match up.

Key Matchup: 49ers D-Line vs. Steven Jackson

It's not hiding that Steven Jackosn is the main (if not only) weapon the Rams have, so stopping him from getting out of control is the biggest key to victory, in my eyes. While Jackson hasn't been too much of a beast lately (just ask my fantasy team), he always is a threat for a Frank Gore-like 80 yard TD run. Of course, to pull something like that off, he'll have to get past Ray McDonald and the 49ers front four. If the big men up front can push the somewhat weak St. Louis O-line a yard or two back off the line of scrimmage, Jackson's maneuverability will be severely limited. If they can get him to dance in the backfield, be sure the Niners will be tackling him for a loss; he isn't that elusive.

After the jump, Player to Watch, Player to Loath, Fantasy Surprise/Sleeper, and more info on the third divisional matchup in 4 weeks...

Player to Watch: Glen Coffee

With Gore on the bench, the load of the running game falls onto the broad shoulders of Hot-Pot-Of-Coffee. He did OK last week (54 yards on 25 rushes), especially considering that he was against what might be the best running D we will see all year. Since Jimmy Raye (WHO?!?!?!) has informed the entire NFL that the Niners will run the ball non-stop, no matter what other teams throw at us (more or less), we will need Coffee to step up and do some work for us.

Player to Loath: Richie Incognito

Not going to lie, I've never liked this guy. Even though he is Jersey born, and he was/is good at his position, he knows it. He's got an ego the size of the gateway arch, and that sometimes its a detriment to the Rams as a whole. He brings stupid penalties on himself because of the temper tantrums he throws on the field and on the sidelines. So why would I loath a guy because he gives the Niners yards you ask? Because usually those penalties are personal fouls or unsportsmanlike conducts, impacting, insulting or harming the opposing team. If that [site decorum]-head injures someone else on the Niners, I don't care how many yards we get in return, I'll want his head.

To be completely honest, there's no-one on the Rams I really hate, since they haven't been the same team since the Warner-Holt-Bruuuce-Faulk years, so Incogneto is a bit of a reach. But if you are one of those guys that NEEDS to hate someone on the opposing team, consider the bulls-eye set.

Fantasy Superstar: Vernon Davis

We've made it. After a week like last week we know VD has the power and ability that we thought he has had all season. While I'm not willing to say he's an every-week starter, I seriously doubt the ability of the Rams to stop him from running/blocking/hitting/scoring at will. I'm really hoping he has finally broken through for good, since I have him on every single one of my fantasy teams. I'd say if you have him, start him - he's one of the best bets for sure points.

Fantasy Sleeper: Issac Bruce

If the running game isn't working too well, expect to see the passing game step up against one of the worst passing D's I have ever seen. And who better to tear apart the Rams secondary than a former Ram himself? The Reverend has been hot/cold the past few weeks, and didn't get his first catch last week til the 4th quarter, but this week matches up well for him. I expect him to contribute to the constant-squirming that Crabtree is undergoing with each passing week.

I'm running late and gotta bolt, so for the history of this matchup, checkout the Prospector's Guide. GO NINERS

Caption This: Reg Season Week 2 Voting

ProfessorBigelow — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 18:02:29 -0000

Here you go! Vote Away!

Poll

What is the best caption for the photo above?

San Francisco 49ers’ cornerback Nate Clements struggles to hold back Seattle wide receiver Nate Burleson when Burleson suddenly lapses into a post-traumatic wartime flashback in which Dashon Goldson was killed by a grenade. "It’s just a football!" Clement

50 votes

Nate Clements was overheard consoling Nate Burleson during the above play, "There, there, Nate, it’s over. Let it go, just let it go. It’s in better hands now."

109 votes

Burleson: Oh [site decorum] that’s not Mark Roman! That ball’s gonna be intercepted for sure!

173 votes

Burleson: Willllsssoooooonnnnnn!!!!!!

188 votes

Clements and Burleson impress Dashon Goldson who could not stop clapping. The first male-male figure skating tandem showed off their skill on the fotball field last sunday.

45 votes

GET TO DA CHOPPA!!!!

126 votes

691 votes | Poll has closed

Caption This Ends Soon!

ProfessorBigelow — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 03:59:48 -0000

Caption This Ends Soon!

Go get your last-second entries in, and Rec the best ones. Cut-off @ 12 midnight Pacific!

Caption This: Reg Season Week 2

ProfessorBigelow — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 19:27:39 -0000

Well... Let's see if I can follow THAT up...

Describe to me a mid-September day that could get better. Exclusive interview with NN from Steve Young, after our second division win in a row, and I go 3-0 in pay fantasy leagues? Very nice! Thank you 49ers, now I can be less facetious when I celebrate the fact that we are UNDEFEATED! I hope you are all still pleased with the performance this Sunday, and while there are still some obvious areas that need improvement, we finally look like a team out there. Now that is something I haven't seen since the Wild-Card victory over the Giants during the Mooch era.

I do have one small thing to get to before the captioning. In my most recent Focus On article, I dropped the following line:

Now, I'm not saying I want to see Matt Hasselbeck injured, but IF Patrick Willis were to break his jaw, I wouldn't be disappointed in the lack of new Hasselbeck commercials.

Of course, I'm not arrogant enough to believe that my comment caused Willis to injure Hass's back, but I was not-at-all pleased to see the Seattle QB unable to finish the game. It doesn't show as much to have a victory against a team at 80% capacity vs completely healthy. I feel your pain (so to speak) Seattle fans, and I truly hope Matty-Boy gets back on the field ASAP - a healthy Hasslebeck makes your team, and thereby the NFC West as a whole, a-lot tougher.

Aaaaand moving on to happier news, the best way to put a nice little bow on top of this back-to-back-victory-celebration is a CaptionThis, right? The photo above is of the split second prior to Dashon Goldson's interception, with "Slippery" Nate Burleson reaching out in agony, and "Lock-down" Nate Clements doing the coverage on Burleson (BTW - How good was Clements this weekend? It seemed like he was in on every other play the defense made). See the replay here to get a good idea of how bang-bang the play was, and how dirty this picture really is.

I've decided this thing needs a competitive element installed, so I'm keeping tally of the regular season Caption This winners. Winner gets the title of most creative mother [site decorum]er at Niners Nation. howtheyscored is in the regular-season lead with last weeks victory, being as is last week was the first regular season Caption This. Let's see if he makes another witty caption for the picture above, or if someone else steps up... Remember the rules, post your best caption for the photo above in the comments, then go back and Rec your favorite comments. Those with the most Rec's will make the final voting round. Cut-off for final voting will be tomorrow at midnight (pacific). Winner, as always, gets supreme internet kudos, but these kudos actually count, since it's the regular season.

So, Nation, for the second, victorious time this regular season... CAPTION THIS!

Focus on: Seahawks @ 49ers

ProfessorBigelow — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 20:33:21 -0000

Another big division match-up is upon us Nation. This week the Seahawks come to the 'Stick, and we plan to stick it to them (get it???). First of all business... Congrats to howtheyscored for winning the CaptionThis contest with the gem above. Amusing, and true; Frank Gore oozes awesomeness. Also, for the Niners Nation 3 fantasy league, yours truly and my team, The Ed Hochuli Gun Show, is in first place in Division 1, while Shulkdog's landsharks leads division two, after dominating victories by each team. 49erLou is in deaaaaad last, only scoring 55 points. Ouch...

OK now time to focus. One bird down, one to go. This is a very exciting match up that I pray plays out the way we are all hoping. Now, I'm a bit disappointed in the lack of trash talking between Field Gulls and NN - wayy too much dwelling on the Rams victory for FG, and a bit too much focus on Crabtree for NN. We have an amazing matchup here people!! Just look below at these amazing match-ups and players to Focus On:

Key Match-up: 49ers O-Line vs Seahawks D-Line

Last week we witnessed the 49ers struggle to get a real running game started with Frank Gore. Glen Coffee was thrown in there to mix it up once or twice, but a lack-of-run-O was not from a fault in the RB's, it was the O-Line not doing their job. Chilo Rachal and Adam Snyder looked lost at time, especially once the AZ DE's got past them and to Gore. Joe Staley and David Bass weren't impressive either, and it will take a dramatic improvement from all four to get this "Run-First"/"Gore-centric"/60-40 running-passing style team to a victory.

Their challenge will not be simple as they will be going face to face with the Seattle D-Line, including good strength and talent from Patrick Kerny, and Cory Redding from the DE positions. It also won't just be their front four - expect to see Lofa Tatupu and their first-round pick Aaron Curry attempting to cause chaos on one side of the line so that someone slips-through unnoticed, a common event in last weeks Niners game.

In the end, I'm confident in the ability the Niners have on their O-Line, and feel like they SHOULD be able to slow down the Seattle D enough to let Frank the Tank do his magic work. However, the Niners never stop surprising me (for better or worse) and we could be walking into a sack-lunch (num-num-num-num). Unlikely as I see it, but possible given the Seattle talent.

After the jump: Player to Watch, Player to Loath, Fantasy Superstar/Sleeper, and some more SF/Seattle Prep..

Player to watch: Vernon Davis

This is an easy one for this game. The last time VD played Seattle in SF he was kicked off the field by Coach Singletary in the 3rd quarter. If I were VD, I would be out for blood - I would want to prove that no-one puts baby in the corner and gets away with it. If he truly is the "NEW AND IMPROVED" VD, then he should be Shaun Hill's #1 passing option in this game. Short dump off passes over the middle, allowing VD to lay into some Seattle LBs, put a hurting on their D, or just simply run away from them all. If VD wants to show that those Under Armour commercials meant something, today is his best opportunity to step out of the shadow that is un-sportsmanship (is that a word?) and step out as one of the 49ers captains and leaders on the field.

Player to loathe: Matt Hasselbeck

This is another unreasonable personal bias that I have about a division QB (you're next Bulger...). I've always seen Hasselbeck as a decent QB, but an exceptional game-manager at best. When Seattle went to the Super Bowl, it was Shaun Alexander, not Hasselbeck, that was the bedrock of the offense. And yet we get to see the Seattle QB in countless, awful commercials that just make me feel sick. Chunky Soup - Matt Hasselbeck is not tough. EAS Myoplex, that "Now I'm Done" line is the most douch-chilling line in all of sports commercials, and Hasselbeck sounds like he's going to be late for his Pokemon-card battle in the commercial. I will never, ever use Expedia because of the two worst commercials ever made, here and here. Oh, and his brother is AWFUL on ESPN (Unrelated? Yes. Untrue? Hell no). Now, I'm not saying I want to see Matt Hasselbeck injured, but IF Patrick Willis were to break his jaw, I wouldn't be disappointed in the lack of new Hasselbeck commercials.

Fantasy Superstar?

This week is tough. I'm unsure about how the Niners front O-line will play, so I'm hesitant to chose Gore. While Issac Bruce had a huge 50-yard catch, its hard to pick with any certainty which WR (if any) will be the main target this week. On the Seattle side of the ball, Hasselbeck can sling it around, but a not over-talented WR corps, with an aging Deon Branch, an over-hyped "Slippery" Nate Burleson and a "I'm an amazing #2, and a halfway-decent #1" T.J Houshamazilly, may hold Hasselbeck back. That being said, I'll have to go with the player who has the best potential of making that one-play, 12 point play that wins a week for you, so T.J.Houshmandzadeh, the honor is yours.

Fantasy Surprise?

I'm going to go with the Niners D. Seattle did drop a 28-spot on the Rams last week, but our D held the much-vaunted AZ Offense to just 16 points! It seems like Sing has got this group firing on all cylinder, and if they can get in Hasselbeck's face they can squeeze out a few sacks, or even turn-overs out of the "Pro-Bowl QB". Would I start them this week? It would depend on the other D's on your roster/on waiver wire, but unless you have a Pittsburgh/Philadelphia/Baltimore/Tennessee/NYG/Minnesota on your team, you should feel ok starting the Niners D.

And to top it all off, some random Seattle/SF facts:

The Niners and Cardinals have only met 20 times in their history (since Seattle was in the AFC West until the NFL re-aligned their teams in 2002 with the addition of the Houston Texans. Seattle holds a 11-9 lead in the all-time series.
The Niners have never shut-out the Seahawks. Seattle has done it twice (the last one being in 2007).
Remember when Jim Mora Jr. was our D Coordinator? The man is now the HC in Seattle, taking over for Mike Holmgren. I've always liked him, but now I have to hate him. Sorry Jim. But don't worry, you still had a hand in creating the greatest after-game post conference in NFL history in 2001, at the expense of the 40-21 beat down you helped apply to your Dad and the Indianapolis Colts.
The Niners have won five of their past six games. Four of those wins are wins earned after we were eliminated from playoff contention last year, but still, I like seeing trends.

Looking a bit ahead...

Don't get injured guys, next week vs. Minnesota is a HUGE game where we may test how good this team is outside the NFC West. But first thing's first - get to 2-0!

GO NINERS!

Caption This! Voting: Week 1

ProfessorBigelow — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 19:34:07 -0000

Alright ladies and gents - Voting Time! Vote for your favorite caption for the picture above. The winner will be declared Saturday Night/Sunday morning. Massive Kudos at stake here. Game on!!

Poll

Which of the following is the best caption for the picture above?

An element of the new/old uniforms that was not thoroughly thought out was the addition of velcro numbers.

109 votes

Not pictured, Darnell Dockett shoving Chilo Rachal into Frank Gore for a 3 yard loss on the run.

87 votes

Mr. Gore, live long and prosper.

64 votes

Recognizing his own awesomeness, San Francisco 49ers’ running back Frank Gore tries to hug himself in a mirror.

153 votes

Frank Gore found a way to kill the spider on Rachal’s chest without getting "gross bug guts" on his gloves.

71 votes

484 votes | Poll has closed

Caption This! Reg. Season Week 1 Style

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 04:01:25 -0000

You know what feels great? Mondays after a win. Instead of sulking around, getting [site decorum] from all my "friends" such as "Ahh, Niners lost again? At least you're used to it!" and "Wow those Niners are bad, why do you still root for them?" I get to strut around, wearing my brand-new Frank Gore jersey, happy as hell that my team (along with 1/2 of the NFL) is UNDEFEATED! Who cares about money-grubbing WRs and depressing stuff like that? 1-0 Baby!!

Let's continue this celebration juuuuust a little bit longer, because it's about time to focus completely on the Seattle Sea[site decorum]s. And to, more or less, close out this weekend of celebration, why not put a nice visual bow on top of this present with a brand new Caption This!

I know I put an old Caption This up with no voting round, but it wasn't that good of a picture anyways. THIS one, now this is a gem... To give everyone a little bit of background, that is Frank Gore and Chilo Rachal celebrating the go-ahead touchdown in the 4th quarter. A bit of different rules for the regular season, post your best caption for the photo above in the comments, then go back and Rec your favorite comments. Those with the most Rec's will make the final voting round. Cut-off for final voting will be tomorrow at midnight (pacific). Winner, as always, gets supreme internet kudos, but these kudos actually count, since it's the regular season (sorry all you old Caption This! winners)

So, Nation, for the first time this regular season... CAPTION THIS!

Focus on: 49ers v. Cardinals...

ProfessorBigelow — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:56:28 -0000

Hey Nation! Long time no talk! I've kind of gone into hiding lately because of the beginning of grad school at Villa-no-fun. But FINALLY things have slowed down enough for me to begin writing here at NN on a regular basis, and just in time too. In juuuuust about 50 hours from the time this post goes up, the Niners will be taking the field vs the hated Cards.

So in this, the longest Friday EVER, I'm here to give all of you the easy reference for this weekend's match-up. I'll be analyzing key matchups, meaningful historical encounters, players to watch, yada yada yada. So lets do this:

Key Match-up: 49ers CBs vs Cardinals WRs

If you are playing fantasy football, you should know that this is the first time in a while that there has been a WR that is not only dangerous enough, but consistent enough, to be drafted early in the first round, and thats Larry Fitzgerald. No need to describe his accolades and accomplishments further here. Combine him with a seemingly-less-disgruntled-with-his-contract Anquan Boldin, and you have one of, if the most, potent WR tandems in the NFL today. Why are they so good? Simple; Y-A-C (or yards after catch). Fitz and Bolden can shake tackles, or break-away from the other 21 players on the field by emptying the NOS tanks and serving CB's a plate full of dust for them to dine on. Steve Breaston is another WR the Niners can not afford to overlook because of great wheels and better hands.

That being said, we shift to the Niners back D: Nate Clements has yet to live up to that contract but has seen this offensive tandem before. Dre Bly is also extremely familiar with the Card's WR's as well as the man throwing them the rock, Kurt Warner (The two won a Super Bowl together in 1999, and went to another one two years later). The big "Receding Hair-Line Accelerator" is Shawntae Spencer at right CB. The plus - his size (6'1" - 190 lbs) will help him keep up with the pretty tall Fitz (6'3" - 217 lbs) and Boldin (6'1" - 217 lbs), compared to the slightly smaller Bly (5'10" - 188 lbs) and Clements (6'0" - 205lbs).

Injury wise, Boldin is coming off of a hamstring "tweak" from the preseason and hasn't practiced in a few weeks, but according to him he should be good to go Sunday. The edge definately lies with the Cards here. I mean, their WR corps (core? ha) is the main reason why they did so well last season, and why they are predicted to do so well this season. Needless to say, if nothing else this will be trial-by-fire for Shawntae, and if you want to see whether Manusky and Singletary made a good decision starting this man, we will learn Sunday.

After the jump: Player to Watch, Player to Loath, Fantasy Superstar/Sleeper, and some more SF/AZ Prep...

Player to watch: Shaun Hill

Well Shaun, here's your chance. You had an "open and fair QB competition" this preseason (wink wink) against Alex Smith, and you came out on top. You are the man in SF, as long as you keep doing what you've been doing as a Niner (7-3 as a starter, with a 90.5 QB rating). It took til your 4th season to play a down in the NFL, til your 6th to throw an NFL pass, and now your 8th to start a season opener. That being said, this is only the second time you will have faced the Cardinals as a starter (the first one being that god-forsaken MNF loss last year... Don't worry I'm getting to that), and your 4th starting game against the NFC West (2-1 record). This is the time to show all the haters that you are no journeyman, and you are the best "game manager" since the 2000 version of Trent Dilfer.

Player to loathe: Kurt Warner

Ok... It might be me, but are there any other Niner fans out there that HAAAAAATE Kurt Warner? Let me spell it out for you. First, statistically why he sucks: Warner is 9-1 against the Niners during his career. In those games he threw 23 TDs, 10 INTs, and had a QB rating of 102.7. Damn. Oh, and all of those games have been as a Ram or Cardinal. Double damn.

Now, emotionally why he sucks: This summer, Warner played "just-the-tip" with the Niners franchise. Kurt wanted a nice, fat contract from the Cards following a SB season, and the two-year, $20 million wasn't enough for him. So he decided to flirt a bit with the rival Niners. He came, he saw, he got a contract offer, and then took the Niners company jet back to AZ to sign with the Cards for $23 million. The Niners were used like a box of Kleenex at an orgy; quickly and sloppily.

I hope Patrick snaps him in two...

Fantasy Superstar?

By Superstar, I essentially mean who will be getting the most fantasy points in this matchup, and here its a simple question between Frank Gore and Larry Fitzgerald. While Larry is the deep threat, capable of a 12-fantasy-point play at any point in time, Frank is wound up and ready to be unleashed in the Raye offense methinks. Jimmy won't make the Marzian mistake of not giving Frank the Tank the ball on the goal-line, and I think that results in 2 or 3 TD's (the optimist in me is coming out...).

Fantasy Surprise?

By Surprise, I mean who will gain a lot of points, seemingly, out of nowhere. For this game, how about Josh Morgan? Morgan looked OK during the pre-season, and with a certain #10 pick watching this game from home, will be getting a lot more touches than expected 2 months ago. Starting across from a talented (albeit aging) Issac Bruce, he might not garner the attention he deserves, and that could be dangerous for AZ. I wouldn't necessarily start the man as your #1 WR, but I would definitely have to think about it as a #2, #3 or Flex player.

Oh, and don't forget...

November 10th, 2009. Monday Night Football in Arizona. The game that has lived in infamy. We all know the story, Niners driving with the clock winding down to the end of the game, down by five. In the closing seconds the Niners get to the 2.5 yard line, and instead of using our starting, all-pro running back Frank Gore, some "Offensive Genius" decided it was a good idea to put Michael Robinson in, resulting in a Zero yard run, and a loss.

If everything else that season stayed the same (hypothetically), the Niners and Cardinals would end the season with 8-8 records each, and the Niners would have split the season series with the Cards. The Cards would still have won the division with a better division record (5-1 vs 4-2 for the Niners), but mayyyyyyyybe the team can't get over the dramatic loss, maybe they lose one more game, maybe the Niners eek out one more victory (say, against the Dolphins) with the increased confidence and make the playoffs. I don't think I will ever get over that crappy play, but hell, why not use it as motivation for the future?

And to top it all off, some random AZ/SF facts:

The Niners and Cardinals have met 35 times dating alll the wayyy back to 1951 with San Fran holding a 19-16 lead in the all-time series. However, since Arizona joined the NFC West, the series is tied 7-7.
Over the past ten meetings between SF and AZ, the average margin of victory is just 6.7 points. Three games went into overtime and only two of the games have been decided by more than one score (both won by AZ).
In six of the past seven seasons (the exception being last season) one team has swept the season series.

Looking a bit ahead...

I know no-one should be looking ahead, but in the first four weeks of the season the Niners have three NFC West games (this one, Next week vs Seattle, and week four vs St. Louis). Biig stretch coming up...

It should be an interesting opening game. Optimism and confidence is high, lets hope our boys can follow through. LETS GO NINERS!!!

Caption This: Training Camp I

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:15:53 -0000

Hello ladies and gents, long time no see. I've spent the past week on vacation in So Cal, doing as little as possible, but it is nice to get back to the grind that is following what is the best football franchise on the planet. Since it has been a bit, I'm going to ease myself back into writing with something I owe you guys; a Caption This.

The picture to my left is your candidate for the first Caption This of training camp, and boy is it a good one. Summing up the whole QB battle in a nutshell - the struggle for the ball between Shaun Hill and Alex Smith. This is almost too easy, which means I expect some pretty fan-[site decorum]ing-tastic captions for this photo. You know the rules by now, suggest the best caption you have in the comments section of this article. Then, Rec your favorites by clicking action, then Rec. The captions with the most Rec's make the voting round.

The most recent voting round wasn't even close, and here is the winning caption and picture:

"God! I’m so happy you’re not JT!!!!!"

Internet Kudos to foosball4949, for dominating the Caption This voting round. And with that, I officially exorcise the ghosts of the 2008 49ers. No More JTO talk - he's a Bungle now, and not our concern. This is not the same team that missed out on the playoffs last year. This team is prepared to shock the world. This team, gray facemasks and all, will show the NFL that the NFC West is a force to be reckoned with... (OK, that's just my excitement taking it a bit too foar, but nevertheless, I'm just ready for football to start NOW).

Who else can't WAIT for Friday?? CAPTION THIS!!!

Golden Nuggets: Patrick Willis enters MMA

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 13:15:55 -0000

Golden Nuggets: Patrick Willis enters MMA

So I don't know where the Nuggets are this morning, and I'm sure as hell not the one to be looking all over the internet for every 49ers tidbit, BUT I found this article on ProFootballTalk that should make every RB in the NFL poop a little bit of of fear.

To keep it short, Bamm Bamm has been training with Randy Couture of UFC fame in Mixed Martial Arts combat in an effort to improve his football skills, according to Jay Glazer of Fox Sports. Willis lost no weight (entered and exited the program at 238 lbs), but apparently "lost two belt notches in his midsection".

The man was already a killer, now he spent a month training to kill people? Now we need a sick MMA moniker for him, such as Patrick "The Harbinger of Death" Willis...?

Post any other terrifying links you may find here, along with any other scary-ass nicknames for Patrick "Your Nightmare" Willis.

One week til Traning Camp - Excited for '09?

ProfessorBigelow — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 11:57:49 -0000

So here's the deal... I wanted to post this article about Crabtree by now, but he hasn't signed, so he's not officially a Niner yet... That kind of story gets saved until we lock that man up for 3-5 years. This Saturday morning, I bring you optimism. We've looked at the best case scenario, we've shuddered at the worst case scenario (which had some of the best comments I've seen since coming to this site), and now we are OFFICIALLY 3 weeks away from the beginning of 49ers football (vs Nolan no less... sweet).

So let's ride the optimism train for as long as we can. If we get disappointed mid-season, meh, we're used to it by now. But while whe can be optimistic, let's take full advantage of it. What are you, as a Niners fan, looking forward to the most this season? Do you want to see Singletary command a full season at the helm? Have you been biding your time until you can see Shaun Hill work 16 games under center? Is Takeo Spikes your jam, and are you twiddling your thumbs, waiting for him to dominate next to Patrick Willis?

I'll get this ball rolling... I'm moving to Philadelphia soon for grad school/teaching, and in that market it is Eagles 24/7. Plus, since I'll be a poor college student (again... Lame), ESPN is a luxury I can no longer afford - network TV for me friends. So how is a Niners blogger possibly going to be able to keep up on our Niners in a city that bleeds green? Multiple options;

A) I live across the street from a bar with Sunday Ticket - That will make for some fun Sundays.

B) My family has Sunday Ticket, and they stream all games online, so when I want to just scream in joy/frustration all year, I have a private place to do so.

C) Niners @ Eagles. [Site Decorum] yeah mother [Site Decorum]ers.

So I guess I'm MOST looking forward to C, but in general, I can't wait to wear my emotions on my sleeve as I stomp around (hopefully) in joy because of my Niners, rubbing it in the faces of all my Eagles fans.

This year looks like some fun for me, so now let me hear about you. Do you have season tickets? Are you dating a girl/guy that FINALLY shares your passion for football/the 49ers? Are you just plum ready to see P. WIlli bend someone in half? I am truely curious (especially if you are planning to spend week 15 in Philly!)

Jeremy Newberry Retires

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 18:46:34 -0000

Jeremy Newberry Retires

According to ProFootballTalk.com, and their verified sources, Jeremy Newberry calls it a career, due to long-standing knee problems. If not for injuries, this man could have been the best center in 49ers history. I played center in high school, and as such was a huge fan once I got a few looks at him in-action. I'm gonna miss this guy...

The Hangover: The worst next-day feeling...

ProfessorBigelow — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 17:41:32 -0000

As I sit here in front of my computer, my head pounding, my eyes still blurry, my body wracked in pain/weakness, desperately trying to think of an article topic, I tell myself "I will never, ever, ever drink again." Who would willingly do this to themselves? Sure, it was fun for a little bit, but in the end you are more miserable than you ever could imagine...

And then it dawned on me; drinking is like rooting for a football team. For a while, life is good. You are out having fun, getting score/drink after score/drink, living it up and loving life. Hell, you even have an opportunity to warm up before the drinking/football really begins (pre-gaming/pre-season). Then, you hit a wall. Drinks/scores don't come as easily, and when they come, they don't do much for you. Sure, you might get a few nice drinks/wins down the line, but in the end only one person has a fantastic night, while the others go home with a 4/10, and wake up more miserable than the night before.

Wow... that analogy went a bit too far...

So what's the point? Why am I making some of you think about your hangovers when all you want to do is talk about football? Well, in this second to last weekend before training camp gets going, we are going to begin at the bottom of the barrel. Nation, I want you to tell me your worst "Morning After" feeling. How awful did you feel after last year's MNF game vs Arizona? How awful did some of you feel the day after Steve Young retired? What about a crushing playoff loss? I want to hear about your worst "Morning After". Consider this similar to the JTO thread, a cathartic release of tension, before endless optimism takes this site over. Only without the swearing.

Now excuse me... I'm going to go dig a 20 foot hole to climb into...

Caption This: Hill and Sing Voting

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:06:23 -0000

via cdn3.sbnation.com

Alright folks, I'm in a bit of a rush, so I'm going to keep this short-and-sweet. You know the deal by now; vote on the best caption for the photo above. The winning caption gets to be immortalized in internet glory in the up coming "Caption This Almanac 2009", where we give "The Catch" picture a 95% chance of being awesome, and Scott McKillop's picture a 45% chance of being "ID for Used Honda Dealership" in 2016.

Poll

What is the best caption for the Hill-Singletary picture above?

"God! I’m so happy you’re not JT!!!!!"

182 votes

In the mist of a glory days flashback, Singletary sacks Hill.

59 votes

A jealous Alex Smith (gloved hand) slyly reaches in to attempt to break up the joyous Singletary/Hill hug.

73 votes

Wanna see me drop my pants again?

46 votes

Hill: "Ohhh it’s the deep burn… It’s so deep… Hey coach, I don’t know if you heard me counting, but I did over a thousand… I can barely pick up my arm, I did so many…"

16 votes

"I’m pretty sure you’ve possibly earned the starting job…maybe.

107 votes

483 votes | Poll has closed

2009 49ers Bold Statements

ProfessorBigelow — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 16:15:29 -0000

With the 2009 season fast approaching, we are beginning to see more and more FanPosts, FanShots, and Front-Page editorials of people making statements and/or predictions about the upcoming season. As I've said many times, my favorite part about SB nation is that it is not a place where one or two people write a blog, but hundreds/thousands of people can write about whatever they want. It is truely the best open-sports-forum you can find on the internet. As a front-page writer, I don't see myself as a Niners expert, but rather a Niners-discussion facilitator; I only hope to spark novel and interesting discussions concerning the team, and hopefully get visitors to this site to think about the Niners in a way they haven't before.

So with that, I present the 2009 Season Bold Statements. What I ask of you Nation is to post a Bold Statement about the upcoming season in the comments. What do I mean by bold? Well, a statement that is absolute, not wishy-washy, and backed up with some kind of solid reasoning. I'm not looking for something crazy, such as,

Frank Gore will have 16 100-yard rushing games this season.

While I would love that, Frank Gore only had 3 games where he broke the 100-yard rushing mark last season. So bold, yes, but unreasonable. I prefer something within the realm of reality. For example:

Mike Singletary will be a leading candidate for Coach of the Year.

This is a bit more reasonable. While bold, and VERY optimistic, it's not out of the question, since as recently as last year we have seen a rookie coach win Coach of the Year honors (Mike Smith of the Atlanta Falcons).

So Nation, give me a Bold Statement about the 2009 season, good or bad, that can be backed up with some kind of reasonable explanation. And I STRONGLY encourage people to agree with/refute people's statements (I'm looking at you methodrampage). Have at it!

Just finished training with Frank Gore at South Florida gym, can we say 1,700 hundred yards!!!!...

ProfessorBigelow — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 03:08:33 -0000

Just finished training with Frank Gore at South Florida gym, can we say 1,700 hundred yards!!!! Niner fans get ready

Chad Ochocino's Twitter account - 1,700 hundred yards eh? That's 10,625 rushing yard a game! ALRIGHT!!

Caption This: The Catch winner and the Next Round

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 22:08:36 -0000

Some pictures are best with no words at all...

There you have it! It shouldn't surprise anyone that the best caption for the best picture is a caption that suggests there should be nothing said in the caption.... Unless that was totally confusing to you... Anyways, internet kudos go to 9erEast, in his second comment EVER at NinersNation.com, for suggesting the winning caption.

But now we must move on to the next picture. Remember to suggest the best caption you have in the comments section of this article. Then, Rec your favorites by clicking action, then Rec. The captions with the most Rec's make the voting round, and blah blah blah you know the rest. So here it goes, Caption This!

via imgs.sfgate.com

Caption This: The Catch - Voting Round

ProfessorBigelow — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 22:40:22 -0000

Alright, you know the deal. Except this time, it's a big deal. A big [site decorum]ing deal. Vote on the best caption possible from the choices below for, arguably, the greatest picture in San Francisco 49ers history.

As a side note... One caption that got a lot of Rec's was howtheyscored's suggestion;

via i37.photobucket.com

This is a unique caption, and gets a one-time exemption. The picture itself is a caption, so if you vote for this one, you are voting for the whole picture as the caption, not just "TOUCHDOWN! DWIGHT CLARK". Why did I do this? Because Tecmo Super Bowl rules, hands down.

So, without further delay... CAPTION THIS!!!

via cdn2.sbnation.com

Poll

Which choice is the best caption for The Catch?

Only at this moment does Earl Cooper (49) realize he’s neither wearing a bikini nor at a photoshoot.

45 votes

Touchdown! Dwight Clark! (Tecmo graphic)

61 votes

Dwight Clark catches a pass shortly after Joe Montana (not pictured) shouted "minus 200!", dropping Clark’s score to 50.

6 votes

White Men Can Jump?

59 votes

The END of Tyranny and the beginning of a Dynasty!

87 votes

Some pictures are best with no words at all…

158 votes

416 votes | Poll has closed

Caption This - The Catch

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:00:58 -0000

Caption This - The Catch

Hey all, don't forget to vote on your favorite captions for the most recent Caption This contest, featuring the greatest picture in San Francisco 49er history - The Catch. Remember; vote for your favorite captions by clicking Action, then Rec under the best of the best!

The Best Part of Waking Up is Coffee in Your Cup

ProfessorBigelow — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:54:20 -0000

via blog.al.com

When the 49ers traded away their 2nd round pick this year to Carolina, a lot of people had the same feeling. "Well, the next pick better be fan-[site decorum]-tastic." When it came to the 74th overall pick, the Niners were on the clock. Maybe we see a nose tackle drafted here... Or a DB, someone to help over the top. Ok... There's Goodell... And the Niners select... A running back? Glen what? Like the dude from The Green Mile? REALLY NINRRSZZZ BRASSZZZ?!?!??!

I kid, I kid, but not entirely. Glen Coffee, picked 74th overall in the 3rd round, was a pick that surprised a lot of people, myself included. Sure, having a backup to Gore is important, but even with Robinson and Clayton was it necessary to take a 3 star RB with their 3rd round pick...?

However, when I began to take a look at him, my eyes were opened a little bit. Sure I heard of him, and watched him bowl over some players during college, but I didn't really get to know Glen Coffee the man. Thank goodness for the Internet, and in a few minutes, I began to see why he is a good fit within this organization.

Check out after the jump for the life and times of Glen Coffee...

Glen was born May 1st, 1987 in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. His father worked for the military, and as such he spend most of his early childhood outside of the United States, more specifically in Saudi Arabia. Even at a young age, and outside the US, he still had a passion for football:

"Growing up in Saudi Arabia, there weren't many opportunities to play organized sports, but it didn't stop me from getting my football fix. That is all we did in our spare time: play tackle football."

By the age of nine, he was back state side, with a pro-football passion in his heart. He was a born running back, but back in his high school days he was less of the bruiser he is now. And yet he always wanted to find the hit instead of shifting around tacklers...

"I've never really been a shifty guy, and I know I have to make up for my size. So when I'm running the ball, I want to make sure I'm the one delivering the blow."

In high school, at Fort Walton Beach High School, he had a break-out junior year with 850 yards rushing on 132 carries and 18 catches for 275 yards and 11 touchdowns.

His senior season was even more impressive; 1,886 yards rushing, 350 yards receiving and 29 touchdowns as a senior, leading his team to the Class 4A District 2 title and a regional championship game appearance. He fielded offers from Alabama, Louisville, Southern Mississippi, Central Florida and Middle Tennessee State. However, when all was said and done, Coffee decided to go to Alabama, stating simply;

"I just always wanted to play in the Southeastern Conference, and Alabama was my only SEC offer."

His freshman season (2005) at Alabama had him seeing action in 12 Crimson Tide games. He had 48 touches during the season, gaining 179 yards rushing, along with 91 yard off of 8 receptions. Most of these yards came in a 75 yard rushing game in a 37-14 victory over South Carolina. He was primarily a back-up behind Kenneth Darby (now a back-up on the St. Louis Rams) and Jimmy Johns.

Near the end of the season he developed a sports hernia that required surgery, hampering his off-season training ability. As such, he injured his knee during the pre-season, and was forced to red-shirt and sit out his sophomore season (2006). Getting such limited action was unsettling for him. That, combined with his parent's divorce near the end of his high school career made him rather unpleasant and unhappy. But in college, he discovered a new purpose,

"For a while, living up here, I was depressed, I wasn't having fun. I wasn't satisfied. There had to be something more, and I found Christ. That put everything in perspective for me."

He discovered Christ through a mutual friend at Alabama, (sorry for the long quote, but I found it all important...)

"Then I met Matt Watson. We became roommates through a mutual friend. And there was something different about Matt. He was also a student-athlete at Alabama-on the track team-but he didn't act like some of the other athletes I knew. After only a week, I knew everything about him and would have trusted that dude with anything.

I watched how Matt lived. He was one of the most pure, on-fire-for-Jesus guys I had ever met. Everything about him was sincere. I knew he had something I had never had or experienced, and I just wanted to know what it was. That was what led me to church with him.

When I started going to church, I started to think in a whole new way. I learned why Matt did the things he did: because Jesus was in him. And once I knew Who my roommate was living for, I experienced a 180 in my own life. I was literally changed from the inside out.

There wasn't a specific event; it was more like it all just finally made sense. I was lying on my bed just thinking, "This is what I have been missing my whole life." It just hit me. I wanted in. I wanted to be a part of the Kingdom. And when I surrendered to Christ, I felt that sense of true love and true happiness."

He worked his way through his red-shirt season with new purpose, and when 2007 came around, with new Crimson Tide head coach Nick Saban, Coffee was part of a two-RB tandem with Terry Grant. He performed very well, earning 76 yards and 1 TD in his first game back in action vs. Western Carolina, and reaching his first collegiate 100 yard rushing game during Alabama's homecoming weekend, rushing for 121 yards on 30 attempts with 1 touchdown against Houston. In his first seven games, three of which he started that season, he gained 473 yards on 110 carries and four TD's.

Unfortunately, Glen was implicated in the 2007 Alabama texbook scandal, when a UA Supply Store employee noticed "questionable charges" in excess of $1,600 for scholarship students. He was forced to miss the final four games of the regular season after being suspended by the university. However, he was able to return for the team's final game of the 2007 season, the PetroSun Independence Bowl vs Colorado, where he rushed for a team-high 72 yards in a Crimson Tide victory.

2008 was Coffee's big season, starting all 14 games for the Tide. He had several big games, the first coming against Arkansas, where he ran the ball 10 times for 162 yards and two touchdowns, including his collegiate career long of 87 yards. He played a pivotal role in Alabama's upset victory over then-ranked-#3 Georgia with 23 carries for 86 yards. The next week Coffee had his best career game vs. Kentucky - 218 yards on 25 attempts, including a 78 yard TD in the first quarter of the game. The 218 yards was the most rushing yards by an Alabama running back since Shaun Alexander in 1996.

Coffee helped the team clinch a berth in the 2008 SEC Championship with a 126 yard, 1 TD performance in an overtime victory over LSU. He had another massive game in the annual Iron Bowl vs Auburn, gaining 144 yards and one more TD. All in all, Coffee gained 1,383 yards on 233 rushes (a 5.9 yards per rush average) with 10 rushing touchdowns on the season, earning a place on the Associated Press's All-SEC first team. With such a successful season, Coffee decided it best to forgo his senior year, and declare for the NFL draft on January 9th, 2009.

Throughout his entire collegiate career he remained a devout Christian, which could be a reason why Mike Singletary was drawn to him, besides his football talent. But that's not all that drew him to Coffee. Here are some of his strengths and weaknesses from across the interwebs:

SB Nation:

Strengths: A powerful runner with an ability to explode off the snap, he has the frame and natural strength of the typical power back. He's also a very good blocker and solid receiver.
Weaknesses: Doesn't possess elite speed or fluidity and is not gifted with great vision and patience to create plays.

CBSSports.com (This analysis is AMAZING, so I'll put here what I can, but I strongly suggest checking it out)

Body Structure: Coffee has very good upper-body tone, but is not as muscular looking in his lower frame as the Alabama runners in the past, despite posting impressive weight-room numbers. He has room on his frame to carry additional bulk, but could probably fill out only to 215 pounds before seeing the additional weight start to affect his quickness.
Athletic Ability: Coffee is more quick than he is fast, but shows good explosion and burst coming out of his stance. He attacks the holes with good pad level and forward body lean. He is better as an inside runner, as he does not show that ease-of-movement agility to change direction and locate the cutback lanes without having to throttle down.

So while this Coffee (like the drink, only spelled exactly the same - OK ENOUGH GREEN MILE REFERENCES) has his ups and down, he looks to me like a solid back-up, with potential to carry a major amount of the load somewhere down the line. We'll see if he gets favored early over Robinson and/or Clayton, but as of right now, I'm liking this guy, if for his dedication alone.

Here are some highlight/workout videos that should give you a good idea of the skill, power and talent Coffee brings to the table:

Works Cited:
http://www.beyondtheultimate.org/athletes/Glen-Coffee.aspx

http://myespn.go.com/blogs/sec/0-2-43/Alabama-s-Coffee-driven-by-renewed-faith.html

http://www.rolltide.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/coffee_glen00.html

http://blog.al.com/bamabeat/2009/03/ncaa_continues_to_investigate.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glen_Coffee

http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/draft/players/565806

http://www.sbnation.com/nfl/players/71439/Glen_Coffee

Caption This: Samurai/Bamm Bamm Winner, and the Next Round

ProfessorBigelow — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:12:38 -0000

There you have it folks... I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of surprised that caption won, but we live in a democracy here folks - you picked it. Internet kudos go to tanos135 for coming up with the caption, well done good sir!

And of course, now we need a new picture to caption. Since the beginning of the recent-history of Caption This, we have been using recent pictures of the 49ers; from OTA's, press conferences, etc. I thought an interesting wrinkle to this section would be to look at some older, more recognizable pictures... And what a better place to start than my favorite 49er picture of all time.

Remember, post your best caption in the comments below, and chose your favorites by clicking Actions, then Rec. The captions with the most Rec's will enter the final voting round, some time next week...

via wwff.files.wordpress.com

A Cathartic Release of Tension: &%$# YOU JTO!

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 22:45:17 -0000

Ask, and ye shall receive, schlecko...

This is an idea straight from the Story Ideas Open Thread, one that I really enjoyed, and decided to turn into a front-page story. This, as the title insists, is a cathartic release of tension over the first half of the 2008 San Francisco 49ers season. More specifically, this is for you, the Niners Nation, to get your frustration out about this man, J.T. O'Sullivan...

via media.sacbee.com

This past season the San Francisco 49ers employed a quarterback by the name of John Thomas (or J.T.) O'Sullivan, a journeyman QB than had made eight stops at seven different NFL franchises along the way to the bay (Saints, Packers, Bears, Vikings, Patriots, Panthers, Bears again, and Lions).

Brought in as a QB familiar with new offensive coordinator Mike Martz's complicated-as-[site decorum] offensive scheme, J.T. was signed to a one-year contract on February 29th, 2008. At first, he was not expected to compete for the starting QB job. However, as the season progressed, we found out that J.T. had grasped Martz's offensive game plan quicker than the other QBs on the roster (being familiar with it from his stint with the Lions), and on August 22nd, 2008, then head coach Mike Nolan announced that J.T. had moved up the depth chart to the number 1 QB.

And then it happened...

Game after game we would witness our 49ers throw away games as J.T.O. AKA Just Turn Overs, Just Terrible O'Sullivan, Just Take (him) Out, etc, would seemingly gift-wrap the ball and present it as a present to opponents time and time again. In the two wins he was leading the offense for (@ Seattle and vs. Detroit), he had 3 TDs and zero intereceptions. It was the losses that killed him/us. In the six losses where he was at QB, he had 5 touchdowns, 11 interceptions, and 11 fumbles, six of them lost to the defense, resulting in a grand TD to INT ratio of 5:17, or 3.4 turnovers for every one touchdown thrown.

We all know what happened after that. Mike Nolan was fired after a loss to the NY Giants (it hurt, I was there) and Mike Singletary was named interim Head Coach. After JTO's week 8 debacle against Seattle (Fearless Leader's first game as a Head Coach) J.T. was benched for the remainder of the season, and Shaun Hill became QB of the 49ers, turning them around from 2-6 to 7-9 (that's a 5-3 tenure as starting QB there folks) where he had a 13:8 TD:INT ratio, be it not for that god-forsaken run up the middle on MNF by Michael Robinson vs the Cardinals, Hill might have led us to the playoffs (I can't believe it still hurts)...

Now, why did I give this outline of pain and anguish from last season? Because it is time to let it all out folks. Consider this your "I hate you J.T. O'Sullivan" thread. Vent your anguish over the last season, over how crappy JTO was, over how things could have been different if J.T. didn't hand other teams games. I understand there are people out there, such as Fooch, that are happy JTO came along. Without him, Sing would not be head coach, Martz and Nolan might still be in town, Hill might not be QB now, we might not have gotten Crabtree, whatever; I understand, and agree, with some of those positions. If that be the case for you, maybe you might want to skip this thread. For those still hurting from last season, you've come to the right place. Guys, let it out all at once, and lets move on.

I am going to make a rare exception to the rules here, and I'm going to put it in bold letters so everyone knows how super serial I am about this:

FOR THIS THREAD, AND THIS THREAD ONLY, I WILL ALLOW CURSING, SWEARING, AND AWFUL, AWFUL LANGUAGE. IF YOU ARE NOT OK WITH FOUL LANGUAGE, AVOID THIS THREAD LIKE THE PLAGUE. I REPEAT: FOR THIS THREAD, AND THIS THREAD ONLY, FOUL LANGUAGE IS ALLOWED ACROSS THE BOARD!!!

To set the stage for this abuse, I have a few clips for you guys to remind you how awful it was with J.T. at the helm of the team. We have Week 4 vs the Saints, Week 5 vs the Patriots (a game we DEFINATELY could have won), and his last game, Week 7 vs the Giants. Sorry...

Poll

How much do you hate J.T. O'Sullivan?

Not at all

170 votes

A little

65 votes

Somewhat

91 votes

A Lot

97 votes

I just mailed him a package full of my own poo

172 votes

595 votes | Poll has closed

I feel so betrayed... Tim Rattay's Twitter Account is a Fake

ProfessorBigelow — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 02:17:35 -0000

Well, I consider it a lesson learned. This is what I get for treating Twitter like the CNN news feed.

I was perusing some of my favorite Twitter accounts (including 49erLou's) when I decided to check back in on Tim Rattay's, see if he had any UFL updates. Much to my surprise, no UFL news. Instead, I was greeted with this, in two separate tweets:

I'm not the real Tim Rattay. I'm sorry to those who I fooled. Tim is a great QB who has posted good numbers and he deserves a chance to make

it in the football world. I never thought the media would pick up my tweets like they did. I apologize to Tim, the UFL and the fans.

I should have realized it when he failed to show up on the UFL draft list. I apologize to you Nation for being a blind, dummy fool, and to the real Tim Rattay, wherever you are, for any potentially scathing/sarcastic comments I may have made in your direction.

To make it up to you, the fans, and to Tim, I found the NFL Primetime (remember that??) highlights of Rattay's first NFL start, November 2nd, 2003 vs. the St. Louis Rams. Back in the day where He-Who-Shal-Not-Be-Named was head coach of the 49ers, Martz was HC of the Rams, Tim had a few TD's, one to Brandon Lloyd (absolutely gorgeous), one to Tai Streets (nice concentration) and one to some guy wearing number 81 named... named... oh I can't remember, just watch the clip yourself.

"Loved" 49ers alum Tim Rattay heading to the UFL

ProfessorBigelow — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:45:22 -0000

Ok, enough about rosters, the next season, free agents, etc. In fact, enough about the NFL COMPLETELY! I'M SICK OF IT! Ok not really, but I found this story and it is WAY too good to pass up.

I hate beginning sentences like this but... Thanks to Mike Florio at ProFootballTalk.com for finding this (grrrrrrrr); According to our "beloved" alumni Tim Rattay's Twitter page, Tim will be joining the UFL next season. He announced the move in this < 140 character message to his "Ratt Pack":

The big news: I worked out for the UFL. Coaches aren't allowed to reveal players yet, but you can bet on seeing me Thursday nights on VS tv!

Apparently the move is all set, since he continues to discuss how totally awesome the UFL is going to be:

The UFL is really starting to blossom. I love it!

and how busy he is talking with UFL teams and scouts:

Off to the airport. Gonna be in the air for most of the day. Zroom!

Oh... and he wan'ts people to know that it's not his fault he didn't have a great career in SF:

Ppl point to 2004 in SF. Everyone knows how bad that team was. TEAM. No TO, no Frank Gore. Again, look at my 04 stats.

Yeah if I had Gore and Antonio Bryant and Vernon Davis(look at Eric Johnsons stats when I threw to him) = wins

So.... What do people think about this? Does this get anyone more excited about the UFL now that we have some alumni in the league? What about TIMMAY's comments about the 49ersabout 5 years after the fact? And if any of these questions don't grab you, who is the one ex-NFL player that would make it necessary to watch the UFL?

Battle of the Beasts: VD vs. Bear

ProfessorBigelow — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:37:40 -0000

via www.49ers.com

If you are a casual reader of this site, you know I have some kind of unhealthy obsession with our new rookie TE: Bear Pascoe. I believe he is the kind of wrinkle that can transform this team into a legitimate threat in the Red Zone; we have so many short yardage weapons. He has a great work ethic, has shown flashes of greatnessin mini-camps and OTAs, and has the body a TE should have in the NFL today. He was brought in to block (I think) but has the talent to be a good receiving option, especially in short yardage situations. However, I can't forget/overlook the most recent beast the San-Franchise has drafted at the TE position - the one and only Vernon Davis.

via allthatsfab.com

VD has been our man at the TE position, mostly because of fantastic plays in college and because he is an athletic FREAK - Strength, Size, and to quote his player page here at SB Nation,

Runs like the wind and appears to be sculpted out of marble.

During games we see flashes of this greatness (and these flashes have been showing up more and more often as the seasons go by); but we also get the VD from time to time that misses catches, seems afraid to get hit, grows alligator arms, etc. Right now, I see VD as a Tyrannosaurus Rex; incredible strength, massive body, tiny tiny arms, distracted by bright lights.

via bbs.chinadaily.com.cn

The situation that has come to mind, at least in my mind, is the possibility of a full-on TE competition. We have our QB competition in the works (see the Golden Nuggets below), but I see this one as just as exciting. Bear has the talent, the drive, the body and the fan following (however important/unimportant that is) to make a quick, positive impact on the team. However, he is a rookie, and the percentage of rookie players that make an immediate positiveimpact on the team is minuscule, at best.

VD has the skill and strength to make himself an elite TE in this league (see: VD chasing down defenders after a Shaun Hill interception - don't make me remember the specific game; I can't), but his history of time-to-time unclutchness (is that a word?) has held him back from the upper level of TE talent. We can most likely expect one or both of these TE's to excel this season because of Jimmy Raye-of-sunshine's history of developing TE talent (see: Tony Gonzalez - possibly the best TE to ever play the game), but if it was going to be one, which one?

So the question I pose to you Nation: This season, who will have a bigger positive impact on the team; Bear Pascoe or Vernon Davis?

Poll

Who will have a more positive impact on the San Francisco 49ers during the 2009 season?

Vernon Davis

698 votes

Bear Pascoe

188 votes

886 votes | Poll has closed