The question in the title was posed to me via email by ckmneon. This is a very good question. I shall attempt to answer it.

Despite the fact that my extended family has lived in one of the vital organs of American wrestling (central Pennsylvania) since the 18th century, and despite the fact that I have lived in the same corner of the world for my whole life, my first real exposure to folkstyle wrestling was in the winter of 2010-11. There was nothing much on television and I didn't feel like reading, so I turned on a BTN broadcast of a dual meet against Illinois and Northwestern. I didn't know the rules, I didn't know the scoring, I didn't know any of the wrestlers, or any of the technique. I loved it anyway. Even in a dual meet between two middleweight powers in the conference, the intensity and excitement of the sport was palpable. The stuff about "modern day gladiators", to me, isn't totally ridiculous. I imagine that watching an excellent wrestling match is something like driving Steve McQueen's Mustang while having sex and listening to Waylon's cover of Midnight Rider on repeat.

It ain't for everyone, but if it's for you, then you are one lucky person.

Now, when I am truly interested in something, I gain understanding of it pretty quickly. Of course, that is no rare trait. Wrestling has given reason to care, so I subconsciously and consciously dedicated myself to learning as much about the sport as I can. J says I have picked up a lot and I think he's right. I can now adequately describe a gramby roll! Woo! I didn't even know what that was!

As for the layman, first of all, you must accept that you will not always understand what you're seeing. Not all matches are barn burners like this beauty: Ed Banach vs. Mike Mann, 1983 Iowa State vs. Iowa dual meet. This is especially true for heavyweights. Oh, Lord, why are you so boring, heavyweights?

Now, let's start with the rules. Since I'm lazy and don't feel like explaining them myself, here's a link: http://rbillitz.tripod.com/rules.htm

That website doesn't cover everything about those rules, however.

A takedown is what David Taylor does.

An escape is the only way to win a heavyweight match.

A reversal is also what David Taylor does.

A near fall is also what David Taylor does.

A fall is what Dan Gable does.

A penalty is generally awarded when one acts like a pussy.

Stalling is what Oklahoma State does.

There. We have covered the rules of wrestling.

Moving on, we must now talk about the history of Penn State wrestling:

The history of Penn State wrestling will be covered by jtothep and I in a later series of posts.

Man, I'm lazy.

Ok, so that's covered. What next? Oh, yes, the modern era.

Let's do this in story form.

Twas a dark era in God's Country, aka Pennsylvania! Many a young budding wrestler had won PIAA titles only to flee his beloved home state - the land of beautiful and fair daughters of sprint car drivers, of souse and sauerkraut, and of potato chips and birch beer - for schools far beyond the rolling hills of Der Scrapple Vaterland. Many a time had Penn State finished in the top ten at NCAAs. But they always behind the evil monarchies of Iowa and Oklahoma.

Legends told of a time when a Pennsylvania school had won a seemingly mythical national championship far back in the first days of the reign of President Eisenhower (who, by the way, lived in the 717(souf central!) because he felt the power and glory and prestige of the 717!!!(SOUFSIDE!!!)), but no living man could truly remember anything but national titles being hanged in the rafters of Iowa City, Ames, Stillwater, and Norman.

"Those banners must be free from the decadent and weak lowlanders of the Midwest!" How great was this cry from the heart and bosom of Der Scrapple Vaterland.

"Pennsylvania's flagship institution must rule the world! Pennsylvania must rule the world!" But when, oh God, when? When would your most blessed Pennsylvania receive its birthright? Pennsylvania was a place your most decent servant William Penn founded as an experiment: could one colony produce the finest wrestlers in the world? The question had been answered with a resounding yes, but this did not satisfy the hungry legions of wrestling lovers in God's Country.

We could no longer tolerate the flight of our most talented and brave young men. The flagship institution of the Keystone State must become the world's most powerful fortress of grapplers!

But when?

Alas! The world's greatest concentration of high school wrestlers had not gone unnoticed! A bald man named Cael, filled with the Holy Spirit of Wrestling and the experience and love required to teach young men the Lifestyle of Wrestling, had seen that Pennsylvania - God's Country, USA - was the happiest hunting ground of wrestling ever to be seen on the Lord's Earth. He knew well that the dark legions of pig farmers in the Land of the Hawkeye would eternally curse him, but he cared not. The brave Utahan sought glory as a resident and coach of THE GREATEST LAND EVER PENNSYLVANIA.

Throughout the Keystone State, it was obvious that Years of Jubilee would soon be at hand! Bells rang! Birds sang! A champion had arrived! And, soon, we knew, veritable armies of national champions and All-Americans would be praised as PENNSYLVANIAN WRESTLERS AND CONQUERORS!

TRUMPET FANFARE! CUE THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

So, there's your background on Penn State wrestling.

Next, you must learn about our enemies.

CORNELL BIG RED

I hate Cornell. I hate their wrestlers. They get their pictures taken for NCAAs without shirts like they're WWE wrestlers. Add a bow tie and, holy crap, it's the freaking Chippendale wrestlers! Pussies. I hate Rob Koll because he's a sore loser. I respect Iowa. I hate Cornell. I hate Ithaca. It looks like a communist convention. If you wear a leather jacket around Ithaca, a crowd will probably gather around you to celebrate the arrival of "Comrade Strelnikov!" I hate their mascot because the only Bigger Red was Alger Hiss.

OKLAHOMA STATE STALLING COWBOYS

Orange is a terrible color.

IOWA HAWKEYES

Intense Olympic Champion!

Intense legendary coach in middle of intensely watching intense wrestling action!

Intense radio interview - can audio alone intensely capture the pure intensity of the most intense twins in history?

And finally:

Ridiculously intense list of intense national champions.

Iowa does things "the right way." They do not wrestle solely for the sake of wrestling; they use the sport to teach young men to have a wrestler's mentality all throughout life. Success with honor is also what Iowa wrestling teaches.

They call on their athletes to compete to the absolute best of their abilities - and then to improve upon their abilities. The Iowa way is to attack their opponents head on for seven minutes - to absolutely crush them, if possible, but always to win. They try to emulate Dan Gable, who, as a wrestler, trained as intensely as possible every single day. Gable didn't miss a single day of training for several years. As coach, Gable did not call on his athletes to do the same, but that, still, is the model upon which the whole program is built.

They are an enemy to be admired and respected.

Jesse Whitmer is probably my favorite Hawkeye wrestler. He only won one national title and he won All-American honors only once. Gable called him "the strongest man in the world." Through sheer determination to be the best, Iowa wrestlers win.

I tend to distinguish between the program and the fans. Iowa fans, while extremely knowledgeable and generally fine people, look upon national and Big Ten titles as their birthright. So, they don't like us. In fact, they hate us. I don't really care what the fans think. I still respect their program.

MINNESOTA GOLDEN GOPHERS

Minnesota has quietly won three or four national titles in the last fifteen or so years. They're a very good program whose style matches Iowa because their coach, J Robinson, worked for Gable back in the day. Much like Nebraska, however, Minnesota is basically a poor man's Iowa.

Oh, and their fans hate us too. But who can blame someone for being jealous of Pennsylvania?

With all of that said, the best advice I can give you I will cook into a few steps:

Watch as much wrestling as possible online. Use Flowrestling and YouTube. Old wrestling matches are especially good because they may help familiarize you with the legendary figures of the sport.

Read here, at BHGP (expect a Hawkeye bias, but don't get bent out of shape; think we're not biased?), and at any other wrestling blogs we link to.

Ask questions. Definitely ask questions.

Hello!

I am from south-central Pennsylvania, where hockey is at best an occasional bit of excitement for some (but never many). There are relatively few die hard hockey fans here, aside from some Penguins and Flyers people and Hershey Bears season ticket holders. Myself, I've only ever been to two Bears games and, despite my usual hatred for bandwagon mentalities, I have sometimes followed the Penguins during playoff runs in the last few years. But like most people in my area, hockey only comes onto my radar once in a while.

With that being said, when I do follow hockey, I get pretty engrossed in it. And I'm familiar with many of the current players and much of the league's history.

My chief historical questions is related to the Maple Leafs. Your franchise obviously has had a storied founding, fine tradition, leaders like Smythe, and a heck of a lot of players inducted into the Hall of Fame. You also have none of the disadvantages of a team like Florida, located in hockey nowhere. Rather hockey is king in your neck of the woods.

So, to cut to the chase, my question is this: Why have the Maple Leafs been so mediocre to terrible for so long? Is it all just Harold Ballard's (I am only vaguely familiar with this man, but he sounds pretty awful) fault?

PPP seems like a reasonable and well-kept blog considering, well, how bad the Leafs have been. But I'm new here, so if I'm at all out of line, please let me know.

Thanks.

So the semis went well. Oh, they went really well. Yeah.

125: Megaludis lost to Sanders. That was to be expected.

149: Frank crushed Loupochanski.

157: Alton lost in overtime to St. John in a tossup match.

165: Taylor won. I don't even remembered who he wrestled. It's Taylor, so what does it matter? You know what to expect.

174: Ruth struggled early against Heflin, but turned on the gas for a major.

184: Oh, Quentin. Such terrible wrestling today. He struggled badly against Dallago in the quarters and was just awful against Ihnen. Really, he deserved to lose with that effort.

197: Oh, freshmen. McIntosh once again had a higher ranked wrestler (Powless) on the ropes and once again gave up a boneheaded takedown in the last seconds to lose. Someone get that man a redshirt!

HWT: Wade lost 5-0 to Telford. He got reversed twice. This was sad, very sad. Let's not talk about it anymore.

Ok, so now what?

Well, after one day of wrestling, here are the overall scores for teams who still have a mathematical chance (though Illinois and brutus are pretty ridiculous long shots):

Remaining matches for PSU wrestlers:

125: Nico's got Mele in the wrestlebacks for 3rd place. He beat Mele earlier this year. Presuming a win, he'll face the winner of Camden Eppert vs. Jesse Delgado, which will probably be Delgado. I like Nico's chances against Delgado, but, in any event, Nico shouldn't do worse than 4th place. Predicted PSU finish: 3rd place.

133: Frank Martellotti has one bout left for 7th place against Ridge Kiley of Nebraska. Kiley beat Frank earlier this year, and though it was reasonably close, I don't think he'll avenge the loss. Predicted PSU finish: 8th.

141: Pearsall's got Brandon Nelson of Purdue for the 7th place match. Predicted PSU finish: 7th.

149: Molinaro faces Ness of Minnesota. Molinaro majored Ness back in November, but this will probably be a regular. Predicted PSU finish: 1st.

157: Alton will start off in the consies with Josh Demas of brutus. Alton handled him well back in the dual and he should win this one. Then he'll face either Anthony Jones of Sparty or James Green of Nebraska (probably the latter). If it's Green, well, that'll be a great toss up, but I suspect that Alton will win again. Predicted PSU finish: 3rd.

165: Taylor's got Mike Evans of Iowa for the title. Should be a regular decision win for him. Predicted PSU finish: 1st.

174: Ed Ruth has Logan Storley. Ruth is definitely a step above the freshman Storley, but the young Gopher is talented and smart enough to keep it close. Predicted PSU finish: 1st.

184: Quentin, who's on the naughty list after that performance, will wrestle Ian Hinton of Sparty, whom he soundly defeated earlier this year. Then it's either Dallago again or Grant Gambrall of Iowa. Unless Q is sick or something, he should recover. Predicted PSU finish: 3rd

197: This one's hard to write because McIntosh really ought to be in the finals, but, alas, true freshmen often do stupid stuff. He'll start off with the one seed, Sonny Yawn, who choked on apple sauce in the quarters earlier today. Yawn beat McIntosh once this year when - does this sound familiar - Mac gave up a late takedown. Presuming Mac wins, he would then face A.J. Kissel or Andrew Campolattano. He is better than both wrestlers. It probably won't matter. Predicted PSU finish: 5th.

HWT: Wade did great work for PSU in the consies last year and he has an excellent chance again. First is Adam Chalfant of Indiana. A win there and then it'd be McMullan of jNW or Vukobratovich or Purdue. I think Wade will get 3rd and I think he'll get bonus points along the way. Predicted PSU finish: 3rd.

Now, as for Iowa and Minnesota:

125: Iowa's McDonough vs. Minnesota's Sanders in the finals. McD totally owns Sanders. Prediction: IA 1st, MN 2nd.

133: Iowa's Ramos has Ohio's Logan Stieber in the finals. I think Ramos will win, but it would be a slight upset. Minnesota's Dardanes is in the consies, starting with Futrell of Illinois, whom he lost to earlier this season. Prediction: IA 1st, MN 5th

141: Marion of IA vs. Russell of Michigan in the finals. That will be something a toss up, but I have to hope Russell will win. He is the defending champ and he is the favorite. Minnesota's other Dardanes, if gets past Thomas of Illinois, will probably wrestle Hunter Stieber of Ohio State for 3rd. Stieber won 2-0 in their lone match this year. Prediction: IA 2nd, MN 4th

149: Kelly of Iowa is done. Prediction: IA DNP, MN 2nd

157: St. John will wrestle Jason Welch. He owns Welch, though not to the extent of McD and Sanders. Should be a close match though, as DSJ's offense isn't totally back yet. Minny's Zilverberg is done. Prediction: IA 1st, MN DNP

165: Evans of Iowa has an easy match in the finals against David Taylor. Minnesota's Cody Yohn will compete with Conrad Polz. If he wins (he won't, I think), he'll wrestle Harger of NW or, more likely, Kokesh of Nebraska. Prediction: IA 2nd, MN 5th

174: Storley of Minny will lose to Ed Ruth in the finals. Lofthouse of Iowa will be the favorite in all of his consy matches and he should win. Prediction: IA 3rd, MN 2nd

184: Steinhaus wrestles Ihnen in the finals. The two wrestled a great, close match last month and this one should be a toss up. I'm betting on Steinhaus though. Gambrall of Iowa should wrestle Q for 3rd. Prediction: IA 4th, MN 1st

197: Wagner of Iowa is done. Meanwhile, if Sonny Yohn of Minny beats McIntosh, he will wrestle Campolattano or Kissel. Yohn's a pansy, man, but he'll probably get 3rd. Yuck. Although, the more I think about it, the more I think Mac has a good chance against Yohn. I hope so. Prediction: IA DNP, MN 3rd

HWT: Nelson of Minnesota will wrestle for the conference title against Iowa's Telford. Prediction: IA 2nd, MN 1st

Now, I'm not about to calculate what the points would look like from my predictions. I'll collect some of the info I just posted (This post was shoddily written, but I was groggy, and I'm not revising it now) below and then I'm going to bed. Feel free to do your own calculations. Gonna be a close race tomorrow and let's remember that PSU was trailing at this point last year. With my predictions, and without having looked at how the scoring would work, I'm assuming that Iowa would win by a close margin, with PSU 2nd, and Minnesota 3rd. Have fun, everyone.

And, ugh, go Logan Stieber. You little punk.

PSU predicted finishes from bottom weight to top: 3rd, 8th, 7th, 1st, 3rd, 1st, 1st, 3rd, 5th, 3rd.

IA predicted finishes: 1st, 1st, 2nd, DNP (already done), 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, DNP (already done), 2nd

MN predicted finishes: 2nd, 5th, 4th, 2nd, DNP (already done), 5th, 2nd, 1st, 3rd, 1st

717 News reporting from Harrisburg, PA

Continue reading this post »

University Park, PA (BSD)

Two men widely rumored to be in the investigative process of Penn State's troubled athletic department removed themselves today from any consideration for the head coaching job with the Nittany Lions football team.

From his home outside of Redding in Palo Cedro, California, legendary country musician Merle Haggard publicly refused to be involved with the search.

"Some dude calling himself Dave Joyner and some other punk called me late last night and asked me if I could do an interview with them. I asked, 'For what?' They said, 'For our vacant football head coach position here at Penn State.' I said, 'What the hell?' and then I hung up on him because I don't need no prank callers. Prank someone else. Call Willie instead; he's stoned more than I am and he'll give you a better time."

Haggard also vehemently denied rumors that he had already interviewed with Penn State.

"I'm a singer, not a football coach. What the hell are you people talking about? Who are you? What do you want? I'm not giving you any money and I don't believe you're really with the media. Get off of my property."

Penn State athletic director Dave Joyner expressed disappointment with Haggard's refusal.

"We did, in fact, request an interview with Mr. Haggard. He declined. We regret this, but will move on. We wish Mr. Haggard all the best in his future endeavors."

An unnamed source from somewhere deep in the rural countryside of south-central Pennsylvania stated that Joyner was "probably far more disappointed than he's letting show."

"Merle Haggard was absolutely the best possible candidate. Just take a few songs for example. Always Wanting You, Son of Hickory Holler's Tramp, High on a Hilltop, Swinging Doors, Living With The Shades Pulled Down, and Mama Tried, Folsom Prison Blues all of these show a man who understands the many facets of coaching and young men in general. He understands sadness, faith and morality, hedonism, regret, and he has an ability to cover other artists and coaches. The Hag would compete and he would do it with the academic excellence Penn State demands. Besides, at this point, it was either this guy or some guy who is not named Tom Bradley. Trust me when I say that south-central and western Pennsylvania will not accept anyone who is neither Tom Bradley, a deer, Bill Cowher, or an old country singer."

From behind the locked doors of Penn State's main administrative offices, an unnamed source who happens to be President Rodney Erickson's most trusted confidante stated Penn State would not heed to the "demands of hick farmers and internet users who are trying to burn down our building right as we speak."

"Those people on the outside have been at our throats for weeks! We tried to throw Paterno to them like meat to the dogs but that only made them angrier! We sent President Erickson to give his robotic speech on those commercials but his monotone only angered them even more! As we speak, they're trying to drag us out like the Romanians drug out Ceaucescu! Look outside! Get your cameras and watch as they try to burn us down and kill us! They blame us for how long the search is taking and how many recruits are fleeing, but we can't hire anyone because of the mob waiting outside to kill us!"

Our reporters have photographic proof that no one was outside of the building, but the source remained defiant.

"So far as President Erickson and Director Joyner are concerned, we will not hire anyone who cannot help us as we bring Penn State football in line with the new concept of success with honor. That is quite the radical concept, you know? We've never tried that at Penn State before and we need the right man before we even contemplate trying it. That's why we've offered the job to Kirk Ferentz."

From his home in Iowa City, Iowa, Iowa head coach Kirk Ferentz immediately rejected Penn State's offer without comment. Penn State was said to be "disappointed, but we haven't run out of mediocre candidates yet."

If Wisconsin has shown one trait this year, it's the ability to capitalize off of turnovers, mistakes, and bad calls. They sank Illinois with that trait and they sank us with that trait.

I'm not particularly angry with that insufferably arrogant oversized little man from Madison who makes me hate a team I should respect for their fundamentally strong approach to the game of football. I'm not particularly annoyed with his team - they weren't thugs, they just followed orders and took advantage of opportunities. Tom Bradley is still an excellent football coach and I still love our team.

What's infuriating me right now is the Big Ten Conference.

It was one thing when they announced the silly name change on the trophy. Fine, whatever. PSU's done things vastly worse in the aftermath of the scandal.

But here, today, for this marquee match-up for the championship of their cutely named Leaders Division, they gave us that crew.

I don't believe this is sour grapes. That was the worst officiated Penn State game I've ever seen. Bad Penn State play and bad officials are not mutually exclusive.

The officials were consistent in some ways, inconsistent in others. Beyond this, I saw two main issues before I turned the game off late in the 3rd. Both of them utterly killed any chance Penn State had in this game.

1) They didn't call holding, period. I saw our offensive linemen mugging Wisconsin players on pass plays. Trouble is, this helps Wisconsin more than it helps us. Wisconsin is already tough enough in the trenches, why is it necessary to allow their guards to have one more advantage? I knew that Penn State would lose as soon as I saw a Wisconsin lineman drag Devon Still to the turf. Penn State was not going to be able to stop Wisconsin if that was not called. That was a horrible realization and I hate that I know it won't be the last time I see something like this.

2) Every single ticky tack call that could even theoretically go against Penn State went against Penn State. Blatant pass interferences by Wisconsin went uncalled. The block in the back on Brown was hardly a block. Above all, the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on McGloin was staggeringly awful. I'm not sure there are words to describe how horrible that call was. No, only video of multiple NFL quarterbacks doing the exact same thing and not receiving penalties for the act could suffice to demonstrate the sheer stupidity of that call. Honestly, I don't even remember where these calls took place during the game. Memory's nice that way. I remember a tangled mess. Obviously the McGloin interception was entirely Penn State's fault, but I believe my memory is right: it can be argued that every other Penn State possession in the first half (excepting the last one) after McGloin's interception was ended by bad officiating. This was simply horrible for Penn State's defense.

That's why I don't see any reason to be terribly upset with our football team. Wisconsin is very hard to stop offensively. They have a good offensive line, a highly efficient quarterback, good tailbacks, and good receivers. My football articulation skills are too limited to properly describe just how difficult it is for a defensive staff to do anything about an offense that good. They're almost impossible to stop when your defense is left on the field, harder still to stop when the officials won't call holding. Jtothep correctly emphasized the importance of gaining first downs against Wisconsin's defense. Penn State never really had the chance to do that in the first half, and that was primarily due to the officials.

What infuriates me is that I still don't think I know how good the Lions are in comparison to Wisconsin. Don't kid yourself, Penn State did not receive a fair shot. The Big Ten did a horrible job tonight, through their employees.

I feared all of this coming into the game. I feared that the usual Madison Special (non-calls on holding) would hammer a Wisconsin opponent again and I feared that most of the other calls would go against Penn State. I did not expect anything so ridiculous as what I saw in the first half. The officials were the difference in this game. If the first half had been officiated well - or, heck, if it had been officiated in a mediocre manner, I firmly believe the most likely outcome would have been a Badger victory by a touchdown or so. It would not have been a blow out because our offense wouldn't have been, frankly, screwed out of any chance at consistency and Wisconsin would have had to face the results of two or three drive-killing holding penalties. It would have been the close game that it should have been.

Now, since I can't possibly argue that PSU would have won if only the Big Ten had had better officials out there, does any of this matter?

Well, moving forward, my greatest fear is that my uncertainty over the true quality of these two teams won't be the most devastating thing we take away from this embarrassing game. Chris and I agree that anyone who blames Bradley for this is foolish, but, well, after the past few weeks, and after those officials, I fear foolishness.

I didn't actually get to watch the meet, but hey, here are the results

125 (LOSS): Sanders beat Megaludis 6-2. Sanders is a really solid wrestler and I'm not really upset about this.

133 (MAJOR LOSS): #7 David Thorn majored Derek Reber. Man, I wish Andrew Long wasn't an idiot.

141 (MAJOR LOSS): It's not getting any better. #10 Dardanes majored Sam Sherlock.

149 (WIN): Frank beat #5 Dylan Ness 16-10. Frank scored 16 points in a match! I can't believe it!

157 (LOSS): #9 Deitchler beat #11 Dylan Alton 8-4.

165 (GLORIOUS UNICORN TRIUMPH): Taylor tech falled #8 Cody Yohn.

174: 717 PIN YO! ED RUTH! WOO!

184 (FAILURE! BLOW UP THE PROGRAM! FIRE CAEL!) Quentin Wright lost to Steinhaus. Steinhaus is a really good wrestler, but when Q is wrestling at his top level, it's not even close; he's better. But Q's a slow starter to his seasons, I suppose.

197 (LOSS): True frosh Morgan McIntosh took down senior #2 Cody Yohn with less than 20 seconds left to take a 3-1 lead. Yohn escaped and got a takedown of his own to win the match 4-3. Just that kind of day for the Lions, plus McIntosh is young and prone to such mistakes. Not every true freshman can have Taylor level awareness.

HWT (LOSS): At this point, even a pin would have only gotten us a tie, but #4 Wade went ahead and lost to #3 Tony Nelson in an exciting 5-0 match.

Final score: Minnesota 23, Penn State 14

At this point, we have four really good weights (149, 165, 174, 184 (wake up, Q!)), three or four decent weights with fair room for improvement (157, 197, HWT, and one of the lower weights - Nico?), and two or three really rough lower weights.

This is a very solid team, but they have a ton of work to do before Big Tens several months from now.

Also, scheduling this match for November was still a completely silly decision on the part of the conference.

Merle:

Ohio, I started hating you again

I’m right back where I’ve really always been

I ignored you just long enough to let my heartaches mend

And then today I started hating you again

Tammy:

Today I started hating you again

You’re the same tools you’ve really always been

I ignored you just long enough to make the BoT firings end

And then today I started hating you again

Hate-filled guitar solo

Merle:

What a fool I was to think I could get by

With only these few JoePa tears I cried

Both:

Lord, I should have known cheaters were yet to come

And the hating times for me had just begun

Both:

And today we started hating you again

You’re still the oxygen thieves you’ve really always been

I got over you just long enough to let this madness end

And then today I started hating you again

I now realize that Waylon was describing Penn State fans. I love it. Only me and SubLime care, but that's more than just me, so good.

Also, there is nothing I love more than the interplay between Waylon and steel guitar legend Ralph Mooney ("Moon") on these songs. Just saying.

Where was I?

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Here's my memory of this game, as I described it to a friend:

Penn State's offense did absolutely jack for almost the entire game. The defense gave them like 50 turnovers and they did nothing. We blocked a punt and they did nothing [notice how I say we for the defense and they for the offense] but got a field goal. The defense shot Zook in the face and gave them the ball at the 1 yard line and they threw an interception or something. Then the defense stopped Illinois but the offense had 80 yards to win the game. And they did it.

And they did it!

I'm completely out of words. Yeah, there's much progress to be made, but screw it, this team is awesome and it's time to stop thinking otherwise. They might lose to Wisconsin. They're not losing to anyone else.

717!

Note: I did not watch Joe's post-game press conference. But I have the amazing capability(!) to know exactly what was said by all of those involved. And, just for your spectating pleasure, I have added "What Joe actually thinks" and "What Joe actually does".

Media jackal: "Joe, you stuck with McGloin through the whole game. Is he now going to get exclusive reps?"

Joe: "They're both really good players, so it's a luxury we have BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH but, no, you're reading something into it, I haven't made up my mind BLAH BLAH."

What Joe actually thinks: "I played him for the whole game, you incompetent antelope, isn't it then fairly obvious that I trust McGloin to actually score points so the defense has time to adjust? Do you think I would inform you of my intentions? What right have you to know of my intentions? You are an animal. I am a human. I am more of a Pennsylvanian than you and I was not born in the Commonwealth. You are not worthy to breath the air through which, in an ideal state, my spit would fly towards your face. Infidel. What is the Italian equivalent of infidel? I've forgotten. In any case, I utterly despise all of you."

What Joe actually does: Plays McGloin almost exclusively for remaining games, claims he "hasn't picked one guy"

Media jackal: "How much of an impact do you think Persa's injury had on the game?"

Joe: "Aw, he's a heckuva kid, we could hardly stop him, BLAH BLAH BLAH THE WHOLE FREAKING BIT BLAH."

What Joe actually thinks: "I will answer your mewling statement disguised as a question by offering an anecdote. One day, this August, while Tom was coaching his fine defensive charges, I walked up to him and asked him if he had heard what my great friend Bobby Knight had said about critics. Tom said he had not. So I told him what my great friend Bobby Knight said about critics. He said, 'I want them to bury me upside-down so my critics can kiss my ass.' Does this answer your question in a manner you find satisfactory?"

Media jackal: What was the main difference in this game for your team?

Joe: "The score."

What Joe actually thinks: "The score."

woo, so I was talkin' to jtot via email a week or such and so ago and he was like, Rambler, man, you're arguing well sometimes, but you're pretty incosnisti (that's Italian) and you've gotta be loose look at how people love WorldBFat and look at how Shogun keeps things light but reasonable, bro, you'uns gots to feel me.

So, suck it, Northwestern, suck it, world, we're 7-1, aren't we?

Joe knows what the he double l he's doing. He's telling the media, "Ah, I'm not picking either quarterback", but that's because it's the dadgum media, yo. You've got the Munster Mouthpiece playing the whole game because Joe knew we would have to score some points before TOM THE TERRIBLE BRADLEY and his MEN OF STEEL shut the door like I knew they would - because THEY'RE MEN.

woo JORDAN HILL 717! 717! STEEL-HIGH ROLLERS REPRESENT EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO ASSOCATION WITH THEM! 717!

Lots of mispslling hers

On Wisconsin, on Wisconsin

Bounce right off that line

Run the ball three times a series

Punt on 4th and nine

tHAT doesn't fit anymore because Wiscon-con-conniesin can throw the ball real good now but I don't like them because they're doucheabags (classic BSD spelling all hail Block O Nation)

Hey, about that Bill Snyder? HAYDEN FRY COACHING TREE, BLOUSES!

717!

Hey, Russell Wilson just threw a terrible interception. BUT TELL ME ABOUT HOW PENN STATE AIN'T GOT A CHANCE, WORLD. I WANT YOU'UNS TO TELL ME ABOUT HOW I SHOULD JUST SHUT UP, EAT MY SCRAPPLE, AND IGNORE HOW GOOD MY TEAM IS. 7-1 AND WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, ZOOK. AND WE'RE GOING TO MAKE YOUR FANS BOO YOU YOUR OWN LOUSY STADIUM, brutus (notice lack of capitizazzzzzztion because SCREw EM

PERSA STRONG? MORE LIKE TOM BRADLEY STRONG! MORE LIKE JOE PATERNO STRONG

PICK 'EM BLUES, RALPH MOONEY! GOD BLESS JIMMIE RODGERS AND GOD BLESS PENN STATE FOOTBALL FOR MAKING THE 717 (GOD'S COUNTRY) HAPPY AGAIN

And here's what we're gonna make Nebraska sing:

And here's what Wisconsin fans will look like (Well, win or loss, but just pretend with me)

Yeah woo

I'm in a unique position: I didn't watch any of today's game. I really have no interest in watching today's game. I've seen this game before and I don't mean this season. Bad Penn State teams have played games like this, good Penn State teams have played games like this (The 1985 team spent the first half of the season playing such games over and over again), it's a Penn State tradition. I'm not saying it's a good thing, and I'm not trying to argue about the direction of the program. What I'm saying is that we are Hank Williams Jr. and painful football victories are our drinking and smoking.

Anyway, ESPNU was unavailable and I was doing family stuff until mid-afternoon, so the only game I witnessed was Michigan State-Ohio State. This was the first Buckeye game I saw this season.

And Lord.....good heavens.

I felt like Voltaire. I asked God for ridiculous Buckeyes and I got my wish. The true final score was 10-0, not 10-7. Trust me on this. Michigan State gave that touchdown away because they were asinine enough to blitz with 12 seconds left and a ten-point lead. But that's why they're Michigan State.

Look up the stats yourself - although they can't give you the humor. Until Bauserman came in and played moderately effectively against an extremely plain Michigan State defense, they had like -1 yards in the second half. They got booed off the field in the first half. They kept running the ball up the middle to no effect because Miller cannot pass and because Bauserman could not pass when Michigan State actually tried.

Their offensive line is surprisingly mediocre. Michigan State has a decent front, but Ohio State had one - one - drive in which they could actually run the ball. Miller was forced to pass more in the second half but hardly even attempted anything because there was almost always someone in his face.They return their starting tackle next week, but I wonder if that will make up for defensive tackles charging into the backfield on nearly ever play. Oh, and the other tackle stinks too.

Posey comes back next week. Can one guy make up for the mediocrity and lack of physicality (A fact smartly pointed out by Millen) of the other receivers which leaves defenses able to run press and blitz - or just press, period?

But this is all too much football talk. What really mattered was the humor value. Michigan State's offense - mostly Kirk Cousins - tried hard to lose this game. But every time Michigan State's offense did something stupid, Miller came out there, handed the ball off for no effect, then ran around until he was sacked or forced to throw an incompletion.

This game gave me perhaps the most gorgeous, most precious moment of my life. It came at the end of the first half. Cousins had fumbled away a Michigan State scoring chance and Ohio State had actually managed to string some plays together. It started to collapse around the 40 of MSU and it ended with a Miller sack. brutus could have stopped the clock and tried something, but they gave up and their fans booed them off the field. It was glorious.

Other fun moments:

• Fans yelling "Come on!" at lousy Bauserman passes.
• Every ineffective first down run play. There were many. They were glorious.
• Miller trying desperately to throw the ball to a Sparty defensive lineman.
• Ohio State getting chippy and getting hit with a personal foul in the 4th quarter.
• Oh, screw it, this whole game was awesome.

I've waited so many years for this much schadenfreude coming out of Columbus. That guy with the stupid cowboy hat; that guy with the anal beads; all of their smug fans who were all like, "What? This can't happen! Other teams aren't allowed to win here!" when Iowa came back in 2009; Jim Tressel himself; suck it, all of you.

We stink too, so we may lose, but don't let that dissuade you from enjoying a glorious moment in our history as human beings.

A merry October to all of you.

Preface for Alabama fans: Congratulations. I think yours is the best team in the country because I highly, highly doubt Oklahoma is capable of fielding a defense that good. Moreover, while McCarron has really girly, preppy hair (Sorry, have to say it) his offensive line gave him time to throw and, hey, his receivers are pretty good. So the Tide has a truly great defense with a good and improving offense. Sounds like 2009 to me.

Preface for all other SEC fans: Suck it.

Preface for Penn State fans: You know what? At least we're not Texas. Or Iowa.

It's funny how we so often miss the obvious. The fairly obvious difference between responding and reacting was best articulated for me by a pastor's sermon one weekend in the 717. Ever since I heard that articulation, I've tried - and often, often failed - to respond rather than react. That's what I'm going to do here. I'm not going to complain about our lack of elite status and I'm not going to rant. I've gotten vastly better at accepting losses. A cynic would say that's because Penn State loses so much. I say it's because I'm maturing as a fan and as a person. In any event, by the time Sczerba (I'll never spell that right) fumbled I was already, in the back of my mind, thinking of how I'd respond to a loss. I didn't expect a loss coming into this game, but I didn't expect a win either. I was very optimistic (Like Joe), but I was neutral - I don't remember ever feeling so neutral coming into a game.

Anyway, on with the show.

If I were to describe the difference between last year's Alabama game and this year's Alabama game, I would choose to use video of Trent Richardson playing against us last year and this year. Last year we would see a defensive line that couldn't get much penetration, linebackers who were embarrassingly timid, and defensive backs who were being forced to make clean-up tackles defensive backs should never have to make. This year we would see what we expect from the idea of a great tailback playing a typical Penn State defense; Richardson didn't break many tackles, did he? He ran effectively enough for Alabama to take advantage of all of the key plays that seemed to go their way (Such is football sometimes) but he did not dominate, or come even close to it. This team, and defense in particular, played poorly last year. They did not, as a whole, play poorly this year.

Quarterbacks  - I know this sounds like crap, but they basically played how I thought they would play. I thought McGloin would be slightly more effective with the ball, but I'm not going to blame him too much because, seriously, folks, Alabama's defense is outstanding - their secondary especially - and, speaking for myself, I knew they weren't going to give us many chances after the first two or three possessions. I can't blame McGloin or Bolden; I think they played about to the level of reasonable expectations. I will say that Bolden definitely appears to be the better quarterback right now - a lead that he probably won't relinquish.

Tailbacks and fullbacks - All I've got to say is, gosh, I love Silas Redd. He's not going to get tons of praise in the aftermath, but that dude ran like a great Penn State tailback. His workout routine really must be awesome.

Offensive line - There is not a better defense in the country than Alabama's unit. They are unquestionably better than anyone in the Big Ten. And how many sacks did we give up today? If you had told me we would lose this game 27-11, I would have immediately thought of a game much like the one we saw with one big difference: tons of sacks against poor Bolden and McGloin. And we saw zero from a unit that gave up a couple of sacks to Indiana State!(!) These offensive linemen of ours aren't just good, they're well-coached too. The only downside here, of course, was the run game. But, when compared to the 2009 Iowa or Ohio State games, and, when the greatness (This verb is more than appropriate) of Alabama's defense is recalled, I think it's safe to say they did a job that was about neutral in terms of exceeding or falling short of expectations. I won't and can't heap too much praise because there were a lot of 2nd and longs today. Still, I expected them to get almost nothing on the ground today, so I am somewhat pleased and definitely optimistic. Again, we'll play nobody with the defensive toughness of Alabama this year. Nebraska will be in the neighborhood, but they won't be a real challenger for the title of best defense.

Wide receivers and tight ends - Blackledge said Joe told him that he was disappointed by the timidness of his receivers. If this is manifested in drops, then, well, yeah.

Hey, before we go on, can I just say that that Derek Moye one-handed grab was ludicrously awesome?

But back to the main point, Alabama's secondary shut down our wide receivers who are good, but not great, and slightly inexperienced. Brown is a good receiver, but he may never be a true go-to target.

And I know it's natural to trump our opponents after a loss, but we need to be realistic. Alabama's secondary is the best in the country. I believed what I heard about that defense in general, but I never gave much thought to the possibility that their secondary would give our quarterbacks limited options on so many plays. If you anticipated what we saw (Plenty of time but frequently few throwing options downfield), please say so in the comment section.

All in all, the receivers will almost undoubtedly be vastly more productive over the course of the year.

I didn't do a good job of analyzing the blocking of the tight ends (I never do). As for their pass receiving skills, I'd say they met the somewhat low expectations we have for them. Let's not even talk about that damn fumble.

Defensive ends - I didn't expect any of these guys to put tremendous amounts of pressure on opponents and we're probably not going to see that. They're solid against the run though, Crawford will probably be a decent to good threat against most Big Ten offensive lines, and, hey, where did all of that pass blocking come from?

Defensive tackles - Very, very good, but lacking in depth. What we expected is what we got.

Linebackers - Great.

Secondary - Somewhere in between very good and great. I don't want to hear any more criticism of our white safeties because they're both really, really good. The corners also performed fairly excellently against Maze. McCarron had a lot of time to throw today, something we need to keep in mind when talking about this group.

Special teams - Wait, Evan Lewis can make a field goal? Ok. Well, anyway, this group gave us only one play to truly complain about.

Summary - This game sucked. I wanted it in the worst way. I wanted to prove our strength against the best team in the GREATEST CONFERENCE EVAH. I wanted it to prove Paterno's still got it. But I have a new appreciation of things after reading Paterno: By the Book this summer. To paraphrase a Paterno quote in that book: "Losing is important in teaching life lessons. But, God, I hate losing."

Do you really think Paterno has changed? Do you really think this team didn't want this game like no other? Do you really think that wasn't our best effort today?

No, we're not as "elite" as Alabama. But we're also not as far apart as it looked or as far apart as we fans undoubtedly think we are. Programs are judged by their on-field results and today we saw a Penn State team that played very, very well against a potentially great football team. I don't quite know how to quantify the sort of key breaks that all went against Penn State in this game, but, by God, they were there and they were not the kind of things that are indicative of poor coaching or poor play (And, please, please, don't complain about that reverse - that was a good call).

My point is this: I see no reason to not be optimistic about this season. In pure terms of what happens on the field (That is, putting aside for a moment what Penn State football truly means), we are not going to see another team as good as Alabama this year. We are not going to face another challenge like this one and we are probably not going to see so many damn bad breaks go against our team.

Going forward, one vision I will remember from this game was the sight of Zordich and Suhey, during the 4th, kneeling together and passionately talking to each other, presumably about the game, about our team. None of these guys have given up. These are the same players who have shown so much intensity and excitement during the pre-season and they are still coached by a great coaching staff (Yes, they were out-coached today, and, yes, they're imperfect, but they're still some of the best) led by the greatest coach there is.

Why shouldn't I be optimistic about this year? I can debate the possibility that Penn State will never be able to beat another "elite" team or I can focus on the fact that this is a very good Penn State team, one with a definite chance to win the conference. I choose the latter. Although I might do both if I get bored.

Anyhow, respond, don't react.

Does anyone know where/if I can listen to Iowa football broadcasts online - preferably for free? Watching this week's game, for instance, is not an option because I don't have FSN. I don't even have BTN (I don't want to talk about it).

I'm ok on the Penn State end. Thanks, WILK-FM. Of course, I could just look up a website in Iowa like that one. But, hey, might as well ask here first. Thanks in advance.

It's a picture of Rip Engle's very first Penn State coaching staff in 1950.

via www.yorkblog.com

Here's the link for a closer view: http://www.yorkblog.com/worldcup/normal_1950_Football_Coaches.jpeg

Easily identifiable: Rip, Jim O'Hora (Kneeling next to Rip), and a very, very young - and good looking! - Joe Paterno. Everyone else? I have no idea.

Also, how about the general appearance of these dudes! Just look at them! 1950 Penn State football: when men were men! Men who had names like Joe, and Jim, and Rip! It reminds me of a quote from Victor Davis Hanson's Carnage and Culture.

To the modern American at the millennium, these carrier pilots of more than a half century ago - Massey, Waldron, and Lindsey last seen fighting to free themselves in a sea of flames as their planes were blasted apart by Zeros - now appear as superhuman exemplars of what constituted heroism in the bleak months after World War II [sic]. Even their names seem almost caricatures of an earlier stalwart American manhood - Max Leslie, Lem Massey, Wade McClusky, Jack Waldron - doomed fighters who were not all young eighteen-year-old conscripts, but often married and with children, enthusiastic rather than merely willing to fly their decrepit planes into a fiery end over the Japanese fleet, in a few seconds to orphan their families if need be to defend all that they held dear. One wonders if an America of suburban, video-playing Nicoles, Ashleys, and Jasons shall ever see their like again.

Good stuff. Wade McClusky sounds like a darned fine Penn State linebacker, doesn't he?

So, anyway, can anyone help identify the hardy men in that picture?

all caps GLORY!

SUCK IT, HATERS. JOEPA FOREVER. THIS TEAM IS GOING TO WIN EVERYTHING IMAGINABLE. IOWA'S GOING DOWN. ALABAMA'S GONNA SUCK MORE THAN THE BAND ALABAMA. RUSSELL WILSON WILL BE MORE LIKE "HELP ME, I HURT SO BAD I'M RUSSELL PILLSON!" NORTHWESTERN? HAHAHAHAHA. OHIO STATE? AHAHAHAHA YOU WON'T EVEN TO VACATE THAT GAME, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WIN IT, CHEATERS. NEBRASKA? I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING THAT RHYMES WITH NEBRASKA, BUT THEY'RE GOING TO LOSE TOO.

Why? Why is Penn State going to be awesome? Because Paterno, his players past, and the glory of Pennsylvania (And probably the 717), has inspired the following (thanks to letsgopsu!):

The mustache is the traditional sign of greatness and confidence.

I am quite saddened, however, by my fellow BSD users. There is no great joy like there should be. People are instead debating about Texas joining the Big Ten or whatever (Who's running the Big Ten now? Our very own Texican Mike?). 

YOU'RE DEBATING STUPID CRAP INSTEAD OF REJOICING OVER THIS!!!!