SB Nation User Blog: Ridiculous Matt

A Brief List of Facts With Numbers

Ridiculous Matt — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:43:52 -0000

A Brief List of Facts With Numbers

Larry Johnson Total Yards Today: 5
Larry Johnson Yards Per Carry: 2.5 (not EVEN 2.7!) against the Raiders
Jamaal Charles Total Yards: 58
Jamaal Charles Yards Per Carry: 3.7 against the Steelers
Chiefs without LJ: 2-0, Bengals with LJ: 0-1

Choose Your Own Chiefs Adventure, But Stick With It

Ridiculous Matt — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 04:23:30 -0000

There's no wrong way to be a fan, as long as you're not disrespecting your fellow fans, crossing lines of human decency, or generally being a Raiders fan. You can be pessimistic, optimistic, hedonistic, fanatic, dramatic, or just plain crazy. However someone chooses to exhibit their support of a sports franchise is within their rights.

But you've got to stick to your approach. What am I getting at?

Don't demand change then question the changes themselves.

A growing belief this week has been hot on the blame train. Not only did Pioli and Haley fail the fanbase by not committing more money to free agents in a weak free agency year without having been through a single training camp, but now they're weakening this roster by constantly tweaking and replacing parts.

The idea is that Haley and Pioli are over their heads. The performance of the team on Sunday was unacceptable, but actually doing something about it is a mistake. The offensive line is a disaster. A Grade-A disaster. But bringing in more guys to replace the unacceptable ones breeds "instability." You know, because if your team sucks, you definitely don't want to upset that delicate balance. Why are they bringing in practice guys? They aren't any good! Which would still mean they're better than our guys currently. Not possessing the quality of good is superior to the quality of draining all good from the souls of your fanbase.

It's one thing to let the decisions that have been made alter your opinion of the job being done (and that's a popular movement, according to the approval polls). It's another to constantly demand two things. Win now and win later. Improve the team at all costs but don't rock the boat. We can believe Haley and/or Pioli suck as much as we want. But don't blame them for putting out a terrible team on the field and then question them when they try and correct it.

Right now, we're spelunking in a sewer. Any way we turn, we're headed in a direction, but we're still covered in crap.

Which Ex-Chief Are You Most Worried About Turning Out To Be Good?

Ridiculous Matt — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 05:38:22 -0000

More photos » by Ed Zurga - AP

2 months ago: FILE - In this Aug. 29, 2009, file photo, Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Tyler Thigpen (4) looks to throw a pass during the second half of an preseason NFL football game against the Seattle Seahawks in Kansas City, Mo. Thigpen was traded on Tuesday, Sept. 29, 2009, by the Chiefs to the Miami Dolphins an undisclosed draft pick. (AP Photo/Ed Zurga)

Browse more photos »

You want to make an omelet? You gotta break a few eggs. You want to rebuild a football team, you gotta get rid of a few good players. The question is, which eggs were the ones that when we break them, poison us and leave us face-down in our huevos rancheros waiting for the kids to come in an find us while Imagination Movers blares on the TV and the dog eats the toast?

The Chiefs have ditched their fair share of guys, many of whom are going to wind up on other teams if they haven't already. But as we've seen over the years, sometimes the guys we give away are the ones that come back to hurt us the most.

The one that always stands out the most to me is Rich Gannon (ptew!). After tempting us all with his promise, the Chiefs' coaching staff foolishly let him walk, resulting in him torturing the Chiefs over several years with the Oakland Raiders of all people. That one just stings.

So the question is, of the players the Chiefs have jettisoned, who are you most afraid of running into down the line?

Candidates after the jump.

1. Bernard Pollard: Pollard was a divisive figure with the Chiefs. Many believed he was a strong part of our future alongside Jared Page as the safety tandem of the future. But Pollard was too bad at everything that wasn't "run in a straight line and hit the guy who's in front of you if anyone's there" (copyright, Corey Mays 2009), and so he was set free. Now with the Texans, the thought of Pollard delivering one of those brutal hits is painful. But the thought of getting to pass against his soft zone coverage is giddying.

2. Tyler Thigpen: Hell hath no fury like a quarterback scorned. No quarterback since Elvis Grbac has sustained the beatdown Thigpen received from fans. When he was leading the team back from the depths of nothing last season (people forget we were on pace to have the worst offense in the history of the NFL before Thigpen showed up), people claimed he could never be an NFL starting QB, and relentlessly waited for him to start playing like crap. When that didn't work, they attributed all of his success to the Arrowspread, not to mention that each team had tape on the Arrowspread and Thigpen made it work. Getting burned by Thigpen the next time we play Jax would be bad news bears.

3. Monty Beisel: I was going to write up a review of him, but while trying to, I watched the words sail out of my brain and land on the carpet, splat. Then they rolled out the door. I didn't try and stop them, I just watched them roll harmlessly out of my office.

4. Barry Richardson: Oh, Berry Richardson will have his revenge. He'll bring his revenge in front of him as he stands between us, and then allow his revenge to whoosh by him and destroy us. That is Barry Richrdson's way, you see.

Poll

Which Chief are you most worried about coming back to haunt the Chiefs?

Bernard Pollard. Sure, he may completely whiff at targeting us, but if he makes contact, look out!

495 votes

Tyler Thigpen. If he does attack us, the plan should be to make sure it's a long-range assault. Then it will take him approximately 10 years to actually hit us.

544 votes

Monty Biesel. (Insert blown punt coverage joke here)

14 votes

Barry Richardson. Even though I don't even know who this man is.

40 votes

Other.

132 votes

1225 votes | Poll has closed

The Catalyst: Chiefs Offensive Line Is The Crux Of The Problem

Ridiculous Matt — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 13:33:53 -0000

Photo via David Eulitt of the Kansas City Star

From the FanPosts -Joel

"It was Haley's flingin' flarnin' play-callin! He ran too much! If he didn't run, we coulda gotten back into it, fling-flarn it!"

"Cassel can't make the big throws! He's no better than Brodie!"

"LJ can't run worth a lick! Bench him!"

"That defense can't give up that many yards! Period! Our defense is terrible!"

Come along with me after the jump and I'll reveal how the only people in the firing line today should be the five guys up front, and the effect that created in yesterday's debacle.

Everything yesterday can be brought back to the offensive line. All of it. The whole damn debacle. It really, honestly, truly is all their fault.

This isn't to say that the other units played well. They didn't. Good lord they didn't. When our punter, who gets more playing time than some running backs in the league has a bad day? It's one of those days. But as we watch the disastrous fallout and we all turn to our own coping mechanisms, I'm brought back continually to the simple fact. The offensive line screwed us yesterday. And everything fell apart from that point forward.

And oh, the bargaining mechanisms are varied.

Denial: "It was just a bad day. We're not really THAT bad." (There's only about three people that feel this way. They were fans in the late 70's, early 80's.)

Anger: "FIRE THE COACH! HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING! TRADE CASSEL! HE STINKS! FIRE THE WHOLE DEFENSE! FIRE PIOLI! FIRE CLARK HUNT! FIRE THE FLING FLARNIN GOVERNMENT!" (This comprises about 60% of both the Chiefs' fanbase and the greater Kansas City metroplex this morning.)

Bargaining: "As long as we eventually win a Super Bowl, I'm willing to put up with this. For a while. Maybe."

Depression: "Hey look! The Royals are on..."

Acceptance: "We suck." (About 30% of the fanbase is here. Unfortunately, this 30% feels the need to say it every thirty seconds. "Hey, did you know we suck? Because we suck. Quit fooling yourselves, I'm the only person that's being honest here. We suck. No, that touchdown pass was not good. It sucked! I heard the news today, oh boy, and we sucked. " I feel like it's that weather dude on ABC that spends an hour interrupting programming to tell you the same damn storm cell is where it was five minutes ago.)

We all want answers. This fanbase is dying for a win. DYING. I know the popular movement is to not mention Herm, but I swear, I'll only mention him in this context. We went so long, the fanbase has been reduced to a hunger-starved refugee wandering the desert. When we entered the desert, we wanted a Super Bowl. No more one-and-done playoff appearances. No more wild cards. And we didn't care if we had to cross the desert to get there. We wanted a championship.

Then we got to the desert, and it was dryer than we thought it would be. It was hot. And muggy. And there were scorpions. And cliche storms that would spin you till you were nauseous. And we've been in this desert so long that now we just want water. We don't care if we get to where we were going. We just want water and food and a bed. A nice, comfy 10-6 season and a first round ejection by Indianapolis. We can't remember why we came to the damn desert in the first place.

And so people are angry, and upset, and depressed. And those are all natural reactions. i can't blame anyone for wanting Haley fired today. I'm willing to give him a year, just like I gave Edwards, just like I'll give our next coach. But the miserable existence of this franchise means I can understand the disgust everyone's feeling. But if you want to talk about yesterday's game, not the season, not the team, but yesterday's game, it all comes down to the line. All of it. Let me explain.

Yesterday the Chiefs faced an opponent that is, quite simply, the perfect counter to us. You don't have to be a perfect counter to us to beat us as badly as they did, but it helps. We have a 3-4 defense? Guess what. Philly's used 3-4 a ton over the last ten years, they know that scheme inside and out. Haley comes from the Parcells tree? Guess what? The Eagles staff has been running against those types of offenses in New York, Dallas, and in Philly for just as long of a time. But what really killed us is the staple of Philadelphia's entire system. Blitzing.

That team blitzes better than any team in the NFL. Better than the Steelers. Better than the Ravens. The Eagles have been known since Andy Reid took over, to bring the house, every down, as much as they can. The entire objective is to kill the quarterback. Not rattle. Not pressure. Kill. And against most teams, it means that it's a danger the offense has to contend with, and there will be sacks, and you have to push them off of you by getting a block from your line long enough to start hitting some receivers.

Well, our offensive line is the worst in the league. Hands down. No questions asked. And what that meant yesterday was that our offense had half the time those other teams had, which was only about four seconds. And you saw it from the beginning. If Cassel dropped back to pass, he had someone in his face, immediately. Someone pushing past our guards, and then a blitzer rushing the gap. Cassel was sacked from the very first possession, and that set the tone. And Philly, in typical Eagles fashion, kept it up all day. They never backed off, never let up, never sat down in zone. They just kept bringing it. Because they knew it would work.

Now, I think LJ's done as much as anyone. I think he runs with no heart, I think he runs as if he's already falling down, I think he's a malcontent and no longer effective. But the Eagles' blitz package meant that there was simply nowhere for him to go. If you get a single solid block against that blitz technique, you can break five to eight yards. LJ never got one. Charles had the speed to break outside, but then we'd hold to wipe it out. So there goes the running game. Victim 1.

Cassel couldn't hit anyone, because he didn't have time. At all. Nevermind the fact that his best receiver wasn't playing, which contributed to the disaster, you need speed guys with hands to catch slant routes off that blitz. None of our receivers have that kind of ability. And if they did, it wouldn't matter, because Cassel usually had to start avoiding the rush as soon as he took the snap. The passing game: Victim 2.

Our defense looked horrible at times. But look at TOP. Look at how many drives we had. Our defense came up with a handful of stops yesterday. This defense is not 'good.' But it's capable. But if you make it to where every three plays, they have to go back out there, they're going to give up yardage. You cannot depend on this defense to win you football games. It's got to be both sides of the ball. And with no offense due to our terrible o-line, the defense was hung out to dry, and gave up more than 30 points. Again. Victim 3.

Haley is being roasted today. "He quit." I never got that from the game. I got this. "If I sell out on offense trying to get us back in it, Cassel's going to get killed. I can't throw the ball because he'll get killed and it'll get picked off. My only option is to run the ball and try and wear down the defense, because right now, we're outmatched."

You can talk all you want about fighting like champions, or playing like men, or heart, or guts, or whatever. None of that will change the fact that yesterday at every position, the guy in green was stronger, faster, smarter, more experienced, and more talented than his opponent. But even then, we would have had a chance, just like we had a chance the previous two weeks. But the offensive line, against that blitz, failed miserably.

If you want to see me angry, or demanding something? I do have one. We watched offensive linemen slip by us this offseason. That CANNOT happen again. We have to either sign, or trade for, the best available offensive lineman, and we have to draft the best available offensive lineman. They have all got to go. Albert I'm okay with staying. He had a terrible game yesterday. But he's shown enough positives. The rest of the crew, including Waters? GOT. TO. GO.

Yesterday was a lowpoint, even for us. And I've come to recognize I was wrong. I wanted us to draft Bowe. I wanted us to draft Dorsey. I wanted us to draft ~~Curry~~, Jackson. We should have been drafting linemen. And now we're paying the price.

We're going to start winning again. It may not be till after the bye. But it's simply too unlikely to go 0-16. "THE LIONS DID IT!" but that was an outlier. Just as, and I really want people to start thinking about this, the Dolphins were. All this offseason, I heard constantly "Yes, you CAN turn around a team in one season! Look at the Dolphins! LOOK AT THE DOLPHINS OMG THEY WENT 0-15 THEN MADE THE PLAYOFFS, WE SHOULD BE THEM! BE THE DOLPHINS, DAMN IT!" And now, we see in fact, the Dolphins were a mirage. They're 0-3, and haven't been competitive in any of their games. That's worse than us. It is a process. It will take time. We've still got some desert to go. But the oasis is out there people. And we can't turn back now.

But it's time to leave the offensive linemen to die in the desert. They're only slowing us down.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION: Ridiculous Matt, AKA MAWK, is the author of ESPN-affiliate NBA blog Hardwood Paroxysm, and a contributing writer for AOL FanHouse and BusterSports.com.

Poll

What's the biggest problem?

HALEY! HE'S HAD THREE WHOLE GAMES! FLING-FLARN IT!

63 votes

Cassel. We need a more mobile quarterback.

7 votes

Pendergast. It's like watching a dog trying to outsmart the Terminator.

64 votes

LJ. He needs to start treating tacklers like girls at the club.

70 votes

The line. If they were contraceptives, they'd be "pull out"

1107 votes

1311 votes | Poll has closed

Ladies and Gentlemen, Can I Have Your Attention?

Ridiculous Matt — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 06:50:58 -0000

I've just been handed an urgent, and horrifying news story. And I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen.

(CHIEFSTRADEASECONDROUNDERFORCASSELANDVRABEL, CUTLERWANTSOUTOFDENVERTHEJJARRINGTONDEALISNTDONEANDTHISISPROBABLYTHELASTSNOWOFTHEWINTER)

CANNONBALL!

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!

So with that in mind, let's all remember this day as one of the better ones. Soon the days of Damon Huard and Rocky Boiman will be behind us completely. We nab two veterans while only having to give up a pick we would have undoubtedly used on a defensive linemen who would end up playing second string in another city in two years, and the Broncos are pissing off their Pro Bowl quarterback. It's like God brought a little joy into the snow that fell here today.

HAPPY "THIS YEAR WILL NOT SUCK AS MUCH AS THE LAST" DAY!

Dear God

Ridiculous Matt — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 16:24:50 -0000

Promoted for Front Page Friday!

Dear God:

We dealt with you allowing them to be delivered the Orange Bowl in 2007. We beat them, it was outlandish, but we understand not even you can make sense of the BCS.

We suffered through their NCAA Championship last March. Great team. Yeah, Memphis shold have put them away, but we're used to them having great teams.

And we even lasted through them winning the freaking Border War in the snow. Appparently Chase Daniel's pride irked you in some way and you felt the need to punish as all for it.

But we need this one. For one season, we need to have something to hold over them. They've held a chokehold on us in basketball for too long. It's only fair that you even the bar. C'mon, God, you know you want it. Just picture, all of the kuchebags, crying in their little arena. wondering how this could happen. Give in, God. Grant us victory.

Sincerely,

The Show Me State

Another Twist To The Cowher Question

Ridiculous Matt — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 16:18:18 -0000

I respect the idea that we need to keep the GM and coaching jobs seperate. I think that's a very sound approach to take and the only reason I'm in favor of violating it is in the pursuit of Bill Cowher, who is absolutely everything we've been looking for as the face of a franchise. Hard-line, family-man, xs and os. defense, offense, the works.

If we don't get Cowher because he decides to hang out in North Carolina with his daughters another year, no biggie. If we don't get him because the lure of the New York gig was too much, I'll be glad because that's not what I think Cowher is. If we don't get him because the Lions offer him everything he could ever want and more money than God, I'll wish him good luck and be fine with it.

What I will not be okay with is if we lose out on Cowher because the Broncos get him.

Imagine having to play Cowher twice a year for a half-decade with a franchise quarterback and a solid group of personnel. You know what it's like trying to get over the hump with Cowher on your schedule twice a year? Go ask the Browns or the Bengals.

I know that Hunt wants to exercise due dilligence and pick the right guy for the job. But we're going to lose out on most of the top candidates if we don't get a move on. We'll end up stuck with someone that wasn't our first, second, or third pick. And that's been our MO for too long. Clark Hunt, if you have a plan, execute it. If not, go get Cowher on a plane.

The Bill Cowher Dream Is Dead

Ridiculous Matt — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 18:51:54 -0000

The Bill Cowher Dream Is Dead

The Plain Dealer said the two met Saturday night and that Cowher told the owner he doesn't plan a return to coaching for the 2009 season, in part because he's happy with his lifestyle as a TV analyst and living in North Carolina.

A Pleasant History of NFL QB Drafting

Ridiculous Matt — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 20:57:12 -0000

A Pleasant History of NFL QB Drafting

This may have already made the rounds, but I thought it was worth going over again. Just think back to how great these guys sounded coming out of college.

A Quick Logic Review

Ridiculous Matt — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 16:47:39 -0000

I just wanted to get this out there so we can look at it in context.

We're not going to keep Tyler Thigpen as our starting quarterback because he's an inexperienced, underwhelming quarterback who is only effective in the spread system which can't work in the NFL and though he plays with a lot of heart, has a solid throwing arm, good chemistry with the players and great athleticism, he can't win ball games, even when you consider how largely inept the rest of our team is.

So, we're either going to:

A. Draft a first round quarterback from the heaviest spread-offense system class in history and who will inevitably require two to three years of development before we can even judge how he's going to turn out as a pro. We will then have to pay him upteen bajillion dollars which may eventually prove completely futile if he doesn't win us multiple superbowls like, oh, say, the other 90% of first round quarterbacks drafted.

*B. Sign a free agent quarterback for upteen bajillion dollars who was released from his former team fore being unable to win ballgames, despite his heart/athleticism/cannon-arm and who already carries with him a heavy weight of expecations and given the fact that he's a veteran, will probably require something better than the weakly constructed plastic bubble we use as our offensive line, which actually collapses immediately upon any applicable pressure. Then, when he doesn't work back, we'll of course move back to plan A for upteen bajillion more dollars.

Meanwhile, we're going to let a backup quarterback who everyone likes and who has shown a great deal of promise probably go, where, while he might end up as nothing, he could end up in an efficient system with a competent coach who will use his talents to the best of their abilities and possibly use his limited skillset to their utmost potential culminating in a SuperBowl appearance.

Because we've never seen that before.

GANNNONGANNONGANNONGANNONGANNONGANNONGANNONGANNON

Does that just about sum it up?