SB Nation User Blog: RudyKelly

Rough Week

RudyKelly — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 21:19:36 -0000

-Last Sunday, the U.S. Men's soccer team went up by 2 goals against Brazil in the final of the Confederations Cup, only to blow the game and lose, 3-2. I was crushed.

-On Wednesday, the Kings lost out on Marian Hossa. I was crushed.

-On Thursday, Trevor Ariza signed with the Houston Rockets. Since he was my favorite player on the Lakers, I was crushed.

-On Friday, the Kings traded for Ryan Smyth. Since Ryan Smyth is just the worst, I was crushed.

-Today, Andy Roddick lost a devastating match against Roger Federer and his stupid face in 5 sets. I've been cheering for Roddick for years (him being the best American since Pete retired) and I always get up early when he's in a final (only to pretty much always watch him lose), so I was crushed. Especially at the end, when Andy was sitting in his chair just full of rage and sadness and pity. It was like that episode of The Simpsons where Bart actually tries to do well in school and still fails; Andy didn't blow this one and he didn't get blown out, he just wasn't as good as Federer. And that has to suck.

-The Dodgers... the Dodgers are OK. I love Chad Billingsley and he was just named to the All-Star Game. Good job, Chad.

I really hate sports ~~all the time~~ sometimes.

The Devil Has a Funny Sense of Humor

RudyKelly — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 06:05:04 -0000

More photos » by David Zalubowski - ASSOCIATED PRESS

You gotta be kidding me.

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So I was at the Dodger game tonight, blindly cheering for Manny while some asshole behind me yells "DODGERS!!!" for the 2,185th time, when a little guy with a pitchfork and some horns popped up on my shoulder. He asked me if I wanted a high-scoring left winger while giving up only Kyle Quincey. I was skeptical, him being the Devil and all, but I eventually said sure. I mean, he's just the Devil, what could he do? Then I checked my phone.

Goddammit.

Ryan Smyth is a Los Angeles King. Ryan Smyth. Ryan. Smyth. R. Y. A. N. S. M. Y. T. H. Jesus Christ. When I found out, I swear to God that I could barely breathe. I was at Petco Park, watching Manny Ramirez in his first game back from my suspension, and all I could think about was that big nose pulling on a Kings' jersey. It made me sick. I felt like how Freddy Prinze, Jr. felt in She's All That when he found out his girlfriend was dating Matthew Lillard.If you aren't a frequent reader of this blog, I should probably let you know that I despise Ryan Smyth. He is my El Guapo. If I had 2 bullets and were in a room with Ryan Smyth, Spencer Pratt and the douche bag guy from Die Hard ("Hans. Boobie. I'm your white knight."), I'd shoot Ryan Smyth twice. I hate his stupid face, I hate his style of play, I hate this faux-tough label that people have bestowed upon him, and I hate his stupid face. Hate hate hate. And now this guy is a Los Angeles King. Fuck me in the goat ass.

The worst part, and I mean the worst part, is that it actually kind of makes sense to me in the ivory tower part of my brain. The Kings have plenty of cap room for the next two years, they needed a left winger, and they have enough defensemen that they could afford to lose one, even a good young player like Kyle Quincey. They can probably trade Smyth when he has a year left on his deal, so I'm not worried about that. He gives us a good go-to guy on the power play and puts our offense back in the top half of the league. Our top 6 is now:

Smyth-Kopitar-Williams

Frolov-Stoll-Brown

That's pretty good. But why did it have to be Ryan Smyth? Why couldn't it be, I don't know, Mussolini or Orlando Bloom or someone I hate less? I don't even know what to do. The Kings are my favorite thing in the whole wide world and now they're inextricably linked to the a douche bag that I hate. I can't possibly cheer for the man, can I? No, I won't. I refuse. I will not cheer for him. I will cheer for the Kings, I will love the Kings, but I won't cheer for him. I won't root for his death like I have in the past (although I admit that my first immediate thought was, "Fuck, I wish the Ducks hadn't traded Pronger now,"), but I won't cheer for him.

Fuck. This is going to be hard.

Kings Sign Rob Scuderi, Goal Scoring Issue Solved

RudyKelly — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 20:18:29 -0000

More photos » by Gene J. Puskar - AP

"Jesus dude, are your balls OK?"

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The Kings were 11th in goals allowed and 27th in goals scored, which means they clearly needed to add offense this off-season. Well, they did it, signing famed scoring dynamo Robert Scuderi. Scuderi scored... wait, that can't be right. One goal? The guy scored one goal last year? Oh God, we're doomed.

But seriously, Scuderi is a good stay-at-home defenseman who can either play with Jack Johnson (assuming her majesty is OK moving to the right side) or team up with Matt Greene to form an ultimate defensive stopper unit. The Kings were 11th in defense last year, but that doesn't mean they can't move up. I see our defense looking like so next year:

O'Donnell-Doughty

Scuderi-Johnson (One-timers galore)

Quincey-Greene

The only question is, who only plays 15 minutes? Also, this kind of feels like the prelude to a Johnson trade. Just a hunch.

Brown, Jack and Quick Invited to U.S. Olympic Camp

RudyKelly — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 18:20:06 -0000

More photos » by Darryl Dyck - AP

At least Kesler and Quick won't have that awkward "getting to know you" thing.

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Dustin Brown, Jack Johnson and Jonathan Quick were all invited to the U.S. Olympic camp today. Brown and Johnson were to be expected after their play in the World Championships, but Quick is a little bit of a surprise. I assume DiPietro would be there if he were healthy. I guess it makes sense if you think about it, though, since Miller is turning 30 next year and I don't know how old Tim Thomas is but just by looking at him I'm going to guess... 45? He looks like he needs a smoke all the time. Taking Quick to kind of experience the whole Olympic thing is a good idea because he could be very well be starting in 2014.

I'm going to write more about it when I do my season review after free agency, but I think next year is the year we see Dustin Brown become a left winger. He kind of has to, not just for the Kings but for the Olympic team as well. The U.S. has Kane, Ryan, and Langenbrunner playing right in the Olympics, and I can't imagine that Brown would get priority over one of them. He'll need to play left, which should be easy for him since he shoots right anyway. I see the Olympic team working out like this:

Zach Parise-Scott Gomez-Jamie Langenbrunner

Dustin Brown-Paul Stastny-Patrick Kane

David Booth-Ryan Kesler-Bobby Ryan

Mike Modano-Chris Drury-TJ Oshie

Paul Martin-Brian Rafalski

Tim Gleason-Brooks Orpik

Erik Johnson-Jack Johnson

Tim Thomas

I don't know if those defensive pairings work because I didn't look up handedness, but overall I think it works. Hooray 5th place!

Kings Free Agency Cheat Sheet

RudyKelly — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:01:12 -0000

More photos » by Paul Sancya - AP

I still love you, Marian.

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Here's a quick look at what the Kings will be doing for free agency. Glance over it, print it out, and throw it in your wallet to show ladies. It's a great conversation starter!*

RK: Hey, don't you think signing Marian Gaborik would be cool?

Woman: *throws drink in my face

Pending UFA's: Derek Armstrong, Kyle Calder (hooray!), Denis Gauthier (double hooray!)

Pending RFA's: Jack Johnson, Ted Purcell, Kevin Westgarth

Salary Cap Space: A lot. Johnson and Purcell will probably cost maybe $4 million to re-sign, so the Kings will have enough to do whatever they want this off-season. They probably won't use a lot of it, though, since they need space to sign all their young guys in a few years.

Key Needs: 1, a winger that can score. The Kings have a lot of guys that can bury the puck if given the opportunity, but they need someone besides Kopitar and Frolov that can actually create that opportunity. 2, a depth defenseman that can preferably play shorthanded. The Kings have a lot of young defenseman that can steal a job at camp, but they need someone that can pitch in if no one steps up.

Potential Targets: Marian Hossa, Marian Gaborik, Greg Zanon, Rob Scuderi

What Our Rivals Want: Ducks want the Niedermayer's back, Sharks want someone with a pulse come April. I think the Sharks should re-sign Alexei Semenov and the Ducks should re-sign Brendan Morrison, I always liked both of them.

OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN

RudyKelly — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 23:03:16 -0000

If the Kings got Marian Hossa I would jizz on myself. And possibly on whoever is within a 10-foot radius.

Brayden Schenn

RudyKelly — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 04:35:49 -0000

More photos » by Ryan Remiorz - AP

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

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I think Brayden Schenn might be the most Canadian hockey player that ever lived. He's big , not exceptionally fast, has great hands, passes well, shoots well, and hits and fights without hesitation. He's kind of like someone 30 miles down the highway, actually. Schenn probably won't end up being that good (although I sure hope so), but even then I think he'll be a great NHLer someday, I really do.

There was all sorts of intrigue heading up to today's draft, probably more than any I have ever seen. There were rumors, whispers and innuendo leading up to Snow's march up the podium, and yet not much really happened. I had mentioned the two biggest possibilities I saw for the Kings: either they would trade for Dany Heatley or they would trade back with Toronto to pick #7. Neither happened. Rumor from the Ottawa side insinuates that the Senators wanted Dustin Brown, Jack Johnson and the 5th overall. Hohoho, OK.* I haven't heard yet what Dean wanted from Burke to trade down, but I imagine it was a lot. So, the Kings just drafted Brayden Schenn and Toronto burned.

*Dustin Brown isn't getting traded for at least 4 years. It doesn't really matter who it's for, either. He's a 30 goal scorer who hits like a Mac truck and is the captain of the team. Oh, and he is actually underpaid. He's not going anywhere.

So now that we have Schenn, what should we expect from him? First, don't expect him in LA next year, or maybe even the year after that. The Kings' center position is pretty much set 'til then: Kopitar, Stoll, Handzus, Boyle/Lewis. That's a good thing. Brayden Schenn is going to go through Dean Lombardi's School of Hockey, where prospects move up slowly and not without effort. Two years ago, Schenn probably would be playing next year. Now? Probably not. Stoll and Handzus are pretty great "bridges," as Dean likes to say, and can hold the fort until the time that Schenn and Lewis are ready. When Schenn is ready, Handzus can move to a wing and Stoll can drop down to the 3rd line, which is where he probably belongs.

The common consensus is that Schenn is one of the more finished products in this draft, but I don't really agree. Though big (6'0", 196 lbs.), he was rated as below average in both upper and lower body strength. He dominated the OHL with his physical play, and the common consensus was that he couldn't do that in the NHL. I'm not so sure. I think Lombardi likes to draft guys that are good hockey players but haven't had much physical training, so that when they do get that conditioning they are ready to go. It's a good strategy, I think. I look for Schenn to go back to Junior, get bigger, work on his shot, and lead Team Canada to another Gold medal in the World Junior Championships next year. (Dammit.)

Oh, and hey, this is cool:

Kings Line-up, U-25

Brown-Kopitar-Moller

Loktionov-Schenn-Purcell

Cliche-Lewis-Simmonds

Clune-Boyle-Holloway

Johnson-Doughty

Hickey-Teubert

Martinez-Voynov

Quick

Bernier

That defense gives me a boner. Rebuild's over. Let's get us a cadillac this Wednesday.

Things Shorter Than Dean Lombardi's Draft Speech

RudyKelly — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 05:38:06 -0000

-Every Oscar speech ever made

-My high school graduation

-The film and ordeal of Apollo 13

-A reading of The Brothers Karamazov

-The sinking of the Titanic

-The Peloponnesian War (the 2nd one)

-My first sexual experience (by a lot)

-The number Pi

-An elephant's tail

-Schindler's List

-State of the Union speeches in 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1997, 1998, and 1999

-Dean Lombardi's draft speech

-Brian Burke's face after the Kings drafted Brayden Schenn (OK, this one's not true, it was longer)

Draft Night Open Thread

RudyKelly — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:10:59 -0000

I got a clarification from my source on the "Earl's gay" rumor, and he told me that he actually said, "Earl's hay." I told him that didn't make any sense and then he started running down the street, laughing maniacally. *Sigh* I need new sources.

Breaking News

RudyKelly — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 05:01:24 -0000

Earl's gay (e3)

I really want the draft to be here.

Poll

SB Nation User Blog: RudyKelly

Rough Week

The Devil Has a Funny Sense of Humor

Kings Sign Rob Scuderi, Goal Scoring Issue Solved

Brown, Jack and Quick Invited to U.S. Olympic Camp

Kings Free Agency Cheat Sheet

OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN

Brayden Schenn

Things Shorter Than Dean Lombardi's Draft Speech

Draft Night Open Thread

Breaking News

Are you surprised Earl is gay?