SB Nation User Blog: Rzayo24

Inside The Mind of Rzayo24: The Ted Ginn Jr. Post

Rzayo24 — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:35:16 -0000

My day started with making a joke that at this point Chad Pennington could tackle Ted Ginn Jr. - and it ended with me wondering where THIS guy has been all my life. I wouldn't say anyone owes Ted Ginn Jr. and apology or anything - but a fruit basket wouldn't hurt. It's all in the kid's head - he's got the talent to be in this league. To show my thanks and regret for giving him so much crap, I dedicate this entire post to him - #19. Now you make some runs after catches like you did on those returns and we are talking entire web sites devoted to you. Not ones that have "suck" or "blows" after your name - real fan sites and stuff. So this won't be your normal ITM - this is an offering to the return God's - also known as the Ginn family.

First - a song dedicated to my Teddy Bear.

And now a reenactment of Sunday - a time line if you will.....

Bench me? I'll show you.... (darts up the field).....

Arghhhhhhhhh - BAM! I'll kick it...then make the tackle MYSELF! Wait 'till I talk about this on First Take - I'm going to spike my hair REALLY good that day. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Bench PRESS!!! SQUATS! MUSCLE MILK!!!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahhaha!!! New....York....Jets bitches. Tell a friend.

Sigh (Catches the ball) Let's try this again...This is why I frown so much.....Kickers tackling me...this is an all-time new low for me...did I leave my stove on? Did someone in the crowd just say Dolphins suck? Why are they so mean? I do my best...i do my best...i do my best.......(sprints up field at half speed and closes eyes falling ass first into the 20).

(Crunch!) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA.....Kicker!!!.....First Take!!!!.....Spikey hair!!!!!! @Jay_Feely!!!! CURLS!!! PULL-UPS!!!!!! LEG PRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

O.....M.....F.....G........New York Jets - might as well go ahead and take our ring sizes.

...Here...go ahead

(Chants of J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS) Ted Ginn Jr. is the next Jerry Rice. When he plays football - hummingbirds screw and sunflowers fall from the sky. If only we had 53 Ted Ginn Jr.s - that guy is going places. (Waits for everyone to get that he's a huge asshole) (Smirks)

Hey Bart - har har - look at my ring, dog. Pretty swag, huh?

That doesn't really make any sense coach - but your my guy - so sure.

And your my little black bear, aren't you? Aren't you? Say it.....CMON.....say it before you hit the field.

Ohh. OK - I'm your little black bear.

I am so turned on right now - SO TURNED ON!

Teeeeeeeeeddddddddyyyyyy.....

Brutus? Brutus Buckeye?! WTF are you doing here?

Golly , Teddy - I just want to say YOU ARE still that little Teddy Jr. - you can do it - I believe in you. Don't sweat the hate - return a touchdown and celebrate.

I dunno - just so many haters down here. I've been hated from the minute I was drafted - my heads all messed up. They act like it's my fault Cam Cam took me as the #9 pick - even I would have taken myself lower.

Leave me out of this, Teddy.

For the record - you screwed me too. I'm in HELL!

OK - nothing we can do about that now guys. Listen, remember the time you came to my room upset and said they wanted to switch you to WR? Do you remember what I told you?

You said every flower needs a few stormy days to grow - then we kissed.

Exactly! Keep your head up! On the next return, you go out with fire in your eyes - take a cue from Matt Roth.

Pizza.

OK - you're right - I'll show that, Feely. You know he once slapped the soap out of my hand in the shower - then just looked at me and said "Make a move, FISH."

Messed.

Do you have his cell?

True story - I saw it go down.

He is a little - Mehhhhhhh.

Can I play with your car keys?

Enough! Unleash the power of the Buckeye!!!!

(Locker room fills with smoke.....out comes confident Ted Ginn Jr. )

Shit! RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

Juke your ass - stiff arm you - turn it onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Look at me, Brutus!! I'm doing it!!! Just like old times! Hahahahahahahaha!!! Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh haters - Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Oh! This isn't extra mayo!

Now AGAIN, Teddy!! AGAIN!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Holy SH#%!!!!!

What?!!?! This is all the fans fault....they should have checked their messages this week.

I did it, Brutus! I shook off the haters!! I'm BACK! Ughh - I blacked out.

Adda boy, Teddy - I knew you had it in you.

Gimmick.

Smell my thumb.

This has been a "Suck it, haters" public service announcement - paid for by the Ted Ginn Jr. family.

For everything that has been said about this man - when he gets going there is maybe a handful of players in the league that can do what he does. I think I have it figured out - so hear me out. Ted Ginn Jr. is no Ferrari - he doesn't get from 0-60 in 5 seconds, he needs a running start. He has scored on numerous reverses, he has scored on multiple returns, and when he gets going on a deep route - he WILL be open EVENTUALLY. Not only that - but WHEN he gets open he STAYS open. I'm the biggest fan of CP10 - but he didn't mix well with Teddy at all. It's 100% true his arm costs Ginn multiple TD's - it just is. How many times can you remember Ginn being wide open - then having to drift back into the corner he smoked to try to make a catch he isn't physical enough to come up with? This isn't to say he is a good WR - but he is what he is - a deep threat. Do you see Devin Hester being physical and breaking tackles? No. When he's effective he is hit in stride - either on a slant - or on a bomb. If this team had Andre Johnson - Ted Ginn Jr. would be a dynamic player - if only running fly routes every play. This isn't me backtracking on how I feel about Ginn - this is me pointing to the facts and saying "Let him do what he does best." Use his strengths, put him in positions where he is going a million miles an hour - and defenders are turtles in a race with a Cheetah. It's proven at this point - Ted Ginn Jr. is a car that needs to be warmed up - so warm his ass up first and enjoy the show.

Remember this game? It's the best I can remember Ted Ginn Jr. looking. First play - deep. Slants on the run. Everything we could do to get him in the game that day. 11 catches and 175 yards - thats a #1 WR for you. Once again - use him for what he's worth. Running 10 yard outs does nothing to utilize his skills - let's hope we see more games like this from Ted in the future.

Does it get better than this? Wind it back to where Ted Ginn Jr. breaks the last tackle - listen to the sound that Phins fan makes. That's the exact sound you made - it's the only sound audible at that moment. Look at all the Jets fans yelling "Fumble...Fumble!!....."- then it tails off. It tails off like someone waiting for two cars to collide at an intersection - its pure horror in their eyes. I love the one guy standing at the end with his arms in the air - that's a tremendous clutch performance on his part. Don't point at anyone - just look around and take it all in. Checkout how the video ends - it's like the ending of Blair Witch. I wonder what happened after the camera cut! I would be running up and down the aisles catching the beer being thrown at me in my mouth. Hell yea - in your house.

Ted Ginn Jr. can throw the football - probably better than Cleo Lemon ever did. I remember reading about how he played QB in high school sometimes - and could have played at 90% of the big time schools as a QB. With EVERYONE ELSE having a Wildcat package - why not give him a look? This week would be the perfect time to pretend like we want to give him a reverse look - then let him unleash a deep bomb to a wide open Hartline. If you can waste a few plays every game on force feeding Pat White a few useless plays - you can give these a shot. The kid is talented - give it a go.

Random Rapid Fire in Closing:

- Vontae Davis has caught Sean Smith in my book - they are equally the balls now.

- I don't want the Jets to stop talking anymore - I encourage it. Now random people that cover sports in the media, and neutral fans - can totally see why we hate them so much. Mark my words - this Jets regime will crash and burn like none other. After a while they will realize they are what they are - mediocre. Their best players are old - and they will stick with them due to money issues longer than they should. They traded away a lot to get a quarterback that has never played in bad weather - and it shows. Rex Ryan is the kind of guy that will fail HARD and PUBLICLY. He won't sugar coat it - and he will say stuff that will totally embarrass the franchise when they suck even worse towards the end of his time there. It's 3 in a row against them now - and it's set up for us owning their asses for years to come. No matter what happens the rest of the season - we ruined the Jets chances at being a top contender. Just because of us - now they have to scratch and claw just to make the playoffs. This is a team that people wanted to crown AFC Champs just 3 weeks ago - hilarious.

- Way to make a big deal about your new stadium, New York - I didn't even know it was in the works until last week. Maybe I was living in a hole - or maybe you do a shitty job of marketing your team. I also read they had to cut the new stadium's ticket prices in half already - because they don't want the same problems the New York Yankees had selling tickets. So the next time your friend from New York says Miami fans are fake - ask him how many Jets games he's been to in his life.

- Pat White ain't alright. He comes in - it's a run - everybody knows it. It's about time he starts practicing running routes, before he becomes useless in the NFL. All I hear is he sucks in practice, all I see is tip toe and fall for -2 yards - his body language makes Ted Ginn Jr. look like Biff from back to the future.

- Fast..."What if" game. "What if" we beat Indy and the Saints like we should have? Forget it - we don't play that game. Let the Jets talk about hypotheticals.

- I am so damn glad we didn't sign Calvin Pace - we already have him, his name is Channing Crowder. Big talk - small game. Reggie Torbor was actually making the tackle - not flinging himself towards a dead play. He didn't have to tell people who he was before or after either. I want to like Channing - I really do. I just have ZERO confidence in him making a big time play at a big time moment in a game. Too many times Ive seen him be the sheep to an opponents wolf - and not really even fight that much to switch roles. Torbor hit gaps solid - he was the first in on a play numerous times. He made me realize he was in the game more - what more can you ask for? Don't forget - he was a free agent signing - not some loser off the street. That tells me this regime saw something they liked. I saw something I liked Sunday.

- Upon further review - while pretending to work today - I was hoping we didn't sign Chris Chambers. I however think the fact that so many posts went up begging for us to sign him shows just how bad our WR's are. I mean bad as a WHOLE - not individually. Is Brian Hartline good? Yes - I really like him. He is just as good as any other team's #3. Is DBess a good slot man? Top 5 in the league - and I don't feel that's an exaggeration at all. He's sure handed - and he's a hard ass worker that gets it - and he is as cheap a player as you will find since he was undrafted. Camarillo? Not a fan - I'm sorry. 4th or 5th WR that covers punts? Anyday. Starting WR on a team that has any chance to make a serious playoff run? No....friggin'....way. I never called for Ted Ginn Jr. to get benched - I just hated him - I still think he's as good as we got. Unfortunately - that's like saying male strippers are as good as you got at your bachelor party. The Chambers pick was used on Chad Henne - yeah, nice to have real football people running this team finally.

Second in the NFL in INT's - and eating hot dogs on the sidelines - "Sanchise". Keep up the good work, Jets scouting department.

I leave you this week with a clip from the newest South Park - an episode where the Japanese kill the Phins. I was texted "The Japanese just killed the Dolphins." I had no idea what to think - or how to respond to that. Once I found out the details - and saw this clip - I was laughing my ass off.

Inside The Mind of Rzayo24: Half-Baked

Rzayo24 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 22:37:30 -0000

That was pretty crappy - I ain't gonna lie. It's been a couple of days now - I think I can safely watch SportsCenter again. That Sean Payton interview can totally suck my balls - I'd rather watch the Jets/Raiders highlights. It was a tale of two halves. One that was amazing and one that made me want to kill myself. The late touchdown before the half felt like it was worth 40 points - I've never in my life hated being up two touchdowns more. But hey, at least we get the ball - SHENANIGANS!! If I told you I'd promise to cheer you up, would you read on? No? What - what do you want me to do then? No - I'm not doing it. I refuse to embarrass myself for your pathetic sick enjoyment any longer. Ughh - OK one more time - after the jump.

Deleted - Dolphinsbuffalo REQ.

( Nope....Not gonna )

Who the hell wants to hear the billionth blogger on this site go into why we lost yesterday - not even I want to hear myself explain it. In a phrase, "We crapped in our pants" when in a situation good teams are used to. It reminded me of all those 90's Buffalo games - where you just knew somehow we would let them back in the game. In the live-blog as we drove down the field towards the end of the 1st half (Up freakin' 24-3) I said - "Let's just not do anything to get ourselves in trouble here. Be smart. Get a FG or run out the clock." Like I said - I refuse to go into what I think we should have or could have done - but what I will say is sometimes less is more. There is a reason GREED is one of "seven deadly sins." That first half was probably the best half of Miami Dolphins football I have ever seen - it was mesmerizing. There is a scale to my celebration after good Phins play - and that first half was in the red, nearing the first ever non-touching myself orgasm. Fins were DEFINITELY up in my pants - at one point I was just standing there naked giggling after touchdowns pouring Doritos all over my body - then coming back to the live blog to type nonsense in glee. Listen - I've said this before - no one feels sorry for you in life - and more so in the NFL. We as fans - and more importantly the team - need to take the good from Sunday and move on. Good teams lose games like this and come back like rabid animals even the Discovery Channel doesn't understand - let's do that shit - not whimper like a lost puppy. We all KNOW who sucks - I get sleep at night knowing and so does the front office. If you don't think they realize who sucks - you're kidding yourself. My best advice is to pull up your big boy pants - never let them see you sweat - and brush your shoulders off.

HEY NATHAN JONES!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JR9ZPSeDTH8

Mehhh....I gave up on working this video in....so just trust me....it'll make you feel A LOT better.

http://www.miamidolphins.com/aquavision/video/missy-0

At first I was a little disappointed we played the Jets again SO SOON - but now I'm thinking it's exactly what the doctor ordered. What better team to play to totally get our mind off a tough loss? The last two times we have played these Jets - we have kicked the pedestal out from under them as they tried to put that star on the top of their "We are world beaters" Christmas tree. You know the games - last game of last season for the title and a few weeks ago when they felt they were in a different class. Just 24 hours after a 38-0 scrimmage win over the Raiders, their fans are already loud and proud on the South Florida radio stations again - some people just never learn from failure. You would think after the last game they would have given us our due respect - learned that games are won on the field - not with microphones in your face. Nope - they still have diarrhea of the mouth. They called a QB that just burned them a "clown." They called the Wildcat they couldn't come close to stopping a gimmick that doesn't belong in the NFL. They say they embarrassed THEMSELVES - and THEY made us look great. That's all fine and dandy - because I'm glad we play them this week - who better to take out a little frustration against? A win would make us 3-0 in the division - and seal the head to head tiebreaker if it matters down the road. Now they come in missing maybe their best player from each side of the ball - maybe it's Leon Washington's leg - but I smell blood.

Old my ASS. THAT is the JT I know - and love (more than friends). Don't let the loss lessen your excitement about that box of porn labeled #99 - that's a baaaaaaaaad man. Both sacks forced fumbles - even on hurries he looked like a defensive MVP again. Unlike Joey Porter lately, JT smells when the team needs a play. The Redskins must be pissing themselves - we fleeced their asses. Granted we wasted their pick on Pat White - who I have ZERO confidence in taking a snap - but I'll take something for free any day. Sexy as all get out - JT is my favorite defensive Phin of all-time. Every time he makes a play, I thank my lucky stars we got a chance to root for him again - it nearly ended in a much different way. Whatever happens from here on out - we again got a chance to cheer for a guy we will be honoring for years to come - and I get to look into his dreamy eyes while I think about his bald head again.

Am I the only person that still has "I can't believe Ricky Williams is back" thoughts? It's a feeling I can't even explain - it's like marrying and deeply loving a girlfriend that in High School cheated on me with my best friend. I don't know how much you hated Ricky at the time he quit - but I hated him as much as you can hate someone you don't know. I still can remember to this day waking up for my 6am job - logging on to check my email before I jetted out the door - and reading the headline "Williams Quits Football." The 3 seconds It took to load the page were the longest seconds of my life. I thought to myself "OMFG - please let it be like Roy Williams or something." When the nightmare was confirmed I woke up my roommate and told him the hideous news. When I got home later in the day we took my Ricky bobblehead - placed it on the deck by our pool - and went upstairs to shoot it with a paintball gun. I know MULTIPLE people that burned his jersey. I cursed him anytime he was interviewed or tried to explain himself. I hated his ass. Now even without the dreads - that #34 just does something to me when it gets going. You know a dude is fast when the numbers on the field go by faster than you can make them out. I'll admit - I gave up on Ricky - and I'm not proud of it. It's like my first year at FSU again (2002) - watching JT and Ricky star for us.

WTF is Boomer Esiason's effin' problem? I will shove his game sheet directly up his corn hole if he doesn't STFU. This Sunday I watched the CBS halftime show - something I normally don't do because of this exact thing. Boomer kept talking over Dan's highlights - finally Dan said "Can someone get him out of here? Get your own highlight!" He said it in that way you know he really means - "Eat a bag of dicks, Boomer." Right after all this happened - Dan was to call a short TD run - all the sudden Boomer chimes in "and he takes it in for the score!" - all loud. Dan was silent. Silent like ninja ready to jump through a window into your face. First of all - only complete ASSHOLES have the nickname "Boomer" - and even bigger assholes actually go by it daily. I believe that's his real name - which makes his father an asshole - and him a pussy. I'm callin' you out, Boomer - when I'm done with you it will be like throwing a hot dog down an hallway when you go to take a shit. You mess with Football Jesus - you get the horns. Let's not forget who we are talking about here - not exactly Joe Montana. Boomer has as many Super Bowls as Dan - so he can't talk about what it takes to win anything. Dan deserves a better show - I wish he would join the NFL Network or something. Less people might see it now - but most of those guys are professionals and treat each other and the game with the respect it deserves. Until then - we wait for Dan to SNAP!

Random Rapid Fire in closing -

- Bob Griese. Made a 3rd grade joke. Said I'm sorry. It's not like he had sex with a male cameraman in a bathroom. Leave him alone - you've said worse.

- Speaking of the Griese's - Brian Griese sounds EXACTLY like his dad. Ethan Skolnick said the same thing on his Twitter - he was fooled until halftime. It's almost creepy how similar they sound.

- I bet the over in the Phins game - I normally don't touch their games - because my heart talksm not my head. I just KNEW we would score on them - everyone has basically. I also was pretty confident they would score at least 25+. It was 48. I nearly bet them -7 - which was in reach with 1 play left in garbage time. The "not set" penalty ended the game - and I've already heard gamblers pissed on the radio. That's why you don't bet on your team.

- American Idol winner Chris Allen performed before the game - I know of 4 girls that went just for that. Looks like Ross isn't as dumb as I thought - he knows how to put asses in seats.

- Who the bleep watches Pro Wrestling these days - show yourself. It's fake - your a loser. Think about what your doing - your watching oiled up buff dudes act out a play on top each other. There is NO SPORT - it's all bullshit. NASCAR and golf are as far as I venture from the norm myself - a random Florida Panthers game if I'm feeling like just getting drunk and yelling random things in public. It's not like I don't get it - I loved it when I was a kid. I also loved my BMX bike and trading Donruss baseball cards - but you don't see me doing that anymore. GOOD GOD - get a life!

- Yeaaaaa - Basketball season. Yeaaaaa - more depression. Yeaaaaaa - the Heat pay Jermaine O'Neal $23 million a year to grab 2 rebounds in 23 minutes. Yeaaaa - first round exits to the Atlanta Hawks!

- I'd like to see SHAQ vs. Brock Lesnar. It would be like watching a fight between the bad guys in a 1990's Nintendo game. Lesnar would actually be the small dude - can you imagine that? It would be like watching a Polar Bear fighting a Crocodile on 2 ft - shit would BLOW your mind.

So in closing - give me credit - I kept it pretty positive. It's not like I went down the roster going.....

In reality, we are all a group of greedy, whiny little girls with a broken heart - we SHOULD expect there to be growing pains. What do we expect from these people? They revamped the entire team as fast as any organization EVER has - we were the worst team in the NFL 18 months ago. Look at the future they set for us - an entire new offensive line - that has provided the NFL's #1 Rushing Attack thus far this season - and in my opinion is Super Bowl caliber in attitudede and talent. A franchise QB. Bookend future Pro Bowl corners. A slot WR any team would start tomorrow - for free. A solid kicking game for years to come. Last but not least - an excitement to Sundays that was dying slowly in this area. The fact that we EXPECTED to have that lead - and hold that lead - against a team like the 2009 Saints is the story in itself. These Saints play the 2007 Phins - and It's cirque de Brees until Sean Payton decided he wanted to go home. This team is an ass kicking robot in the making - being tested every Sunday by the nutty professor. I see the vision - and it's sick as shit. You know it - I know it - Matty knows it - Gang Green knows it - even new owner Fergie knows it. (OMFG...Fergie....owns.....some Dolphins.....think about how unfair that it is....anyway). If you're too damn impatient to let the damn Cha-Cha-Cha Chia grow - then go to Home Depot and pick out a potted plant (AKA go buy a Steelers hat). Relax - guess who's shopping for a HUGE WR in next years draft? WE ARE! Guess who is on most of our mock drafts - "Mount Cody". Right now were just that younger brother letting it all hangout in a fist fight with older siblings - it's just not enough - we're outmatched in too many areas. Give it a minute - I have a feeling this organization will be handing out retaliation ass kickings soon enough.

CB Will Allen will miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL, sources say

Rzayo24 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:08:55 -0000

CB Will Allen will miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL, sources say

@Jeff_Darlington.

Article link: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/breaking-news/story/1299932.html

" I'm picking the Miami Dolphins to beat the New Orleans Saints this weekend"

Rzayo24 — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:04:37 -0000

" I'm picking the Miami Dolphins to beat the New Orleans Saints this weekend"

Big prediction from Mr. Florio at ProFootballTalk.com

Phins "Ground & Pound" Rushing Offense #1 in the NFL

Rzayo24 — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:08:44 -0000

Phins "Ground & Pound" Rushing Offense #1 in the NFL

Miami Dolphins - 183 attempts - 885 yards - 4.8 yrds/att
Dallas Cowboys - 136 attempts - 805 yards - 5.9 yrds/att
New York Giants - 180 attempts - 802 yards - 4.5 yrds/att
Denver Broncos - 152 attempts - 695 yards - 4.6 yrds/att
Baltimore Ravens - 136 attempts - 668 yards - 4.9 yrds/att

AFC's Best RB

Rzayo24 — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:03:35 -0000

AFC's Best RB

Inside the Mind of Rzayo24: Who's house? Our house!

Rzayo24 — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 01:45:44 -0000

Ladies and gentlemen - I'm glad I am typing this - because I have no voice on this fine Tuesday. My vocal cords feel damaged; my body feels like I played. I'm sitting here home on a "Victory Tuesday" - because I knew I needed to take a few vacation days after that game. I got home at around 1am - and I fell asleep at 6am - laying in bed reliving all the highlights in my head. Instead of having to avoid anything NFL highlight related, I would guess I have now seen the game highlights over 50 times on ESPN. Five fourth quarter lead changes nearly gave me a heart attack - but watching Ronnie dive into my endzone with seconds left gave me an orange orgasm. I won't diddle daddle around here - let's just get this baby rolling - like a Ricky Williams screen.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta - my hands are in my pants right now just thinking about last night. We let them talk all season; we just waited quietly. We let them tell us how big their penis was all year - and on Monday night we cut that crap off Lorena Bobbitt style. I hope your cocky asses wrote your name into this year's Super Bowl with a pencil - whoops! Who's house? Our house. Welcome to the Thunder Dome, bitches. In fact - I propose we change the name to "The Thunder Dome." Not only that - I say we keep the "bitches" AND "Welcome" part in the name. That way when biased ass ESPN leads into our MNF game next time, they not only welcome all of America into the Thunder Dome - but they call them a bitch. The Jets brought their own referees. Rex Ryan put his fat hand into a bag-o-tricks on two punts - not enough. Not even Braylon Edwards and his 5-Hour Energy could overcome a hungry Phins team last night. SOMEHOW we overcame Mark Sanchez's 50% passing, 170 yard Joe Namath like night - somehow. I know most of you were not there - but I want you to just imagine the looks on those Jets fans faces walking out of the stadium last night. Cheers of J-E-T-S entering the stadium - were sang by those in orange on the way out. The only difference was that it was the remix - each Dolphin fan's own little personal remix of the chant. On Hispanic Heritage night, I salsa danced my sexy ass all the way into the parking lot. Suckers - serves you right to just blindly trust my linkage. Do you understand where you are right now? My mind! Hungover! DANGER!!!!!

Hey - pop that coochie, baby! Damn! DAMN! Damn! Damn - Chad Henne has my heart, balls, and phone number if he wants that shit now. Chad Henne throws a frickin' laser! Who is this guy - and where has he been all my life? Every time he completed a pass, I drank. Those were the rules. I was so drunk at one point during the game that I saw 3 number sevens and I half expected quarters to start shooting out of the guy's ass in front of me - but no such luck. That pass to Ted Ginn Jr. needed a damn flight plan. Airplanes at Miami International were being held on the runway to let the UFO pass. Talk about losing your big game virginity in the big-time - Jets Monday Night? That's like getting laid for the first time by a room full of Vivid girls. I got what I have been looking for last night from Chad - that "it" factor. He took "it" and shoved it directly into my eyeballs - then we made out for what seemed like days. Ahhhh - dreamy Chad. It's really a stroke of tremendous good fortune that I can keep the "Property of Chad" tattoo on my lower back - really glad I didn't go with "CP10." The man was ON FIRE using play action - it was magical. Sitting in the endzone watching him and ass-hands (aka Ted Ginn) connect right in front of me was like watching Dan Marino mate in my bed. I, from here on out, roll with Chad Henne. If you dropped his balls into the ocean last night, half of South Beach would be underwater today. Hot damn - we got ourselves a quarterback, Miami - and he throws a football like Ron Jeremy screws.

Ted Ginn Jr. - welcome back to the party. Where the hell have you been - we sent your ass for beer WEEKS ago. Just when I want to go all "Celtic's Pride" on you before kickoff so I can be spared of your crappiness - you TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF! I was at the game - and even then I couldn't find him on the field until that play - but oh, what a play it was. It was shocking. The whole stadium skipped a split second to ponder WTF they just saw. I'm serious - the place was in a complete state of shock. That play went away from my endzone - so I had to look up at the jumbo-tron to really get a look at the play unfolding. The camera followed Henne's pass all the way into Teddy's hands. A slow motion event in time - and a huge slap in the all world CB Revis's face. Teddy will most likely return all kickoffs - with Cobbs out for the season now. To me its obvious that Teddy needs to get hit a few times and make a few plays early or he is lost for the game. Teddy returning kicks is going to be fun to watch - if there is one thing he can do well - it's run fast. Welcome back to the damn party, you silly little skinny fast bastard, you - now give me your damn keys so you don't disappear on me again.

What's wrong, NFL - not what you expected? Thought the Wildcat would be done and gone by now? Thought it had about as much staying power as a glass of milk on the beach? Well milk was a bad choice bitches - our shit ain't going anywhere. Our Wildcat is Coke - every other teams' version is that Ritz shit. Other teams dick around with it - and call it goofy names like "Wild Horses." Call that mess "Unicorns Blowing Midgets" for all I care - it's trademarked in the NFL under "Miami," "Dolphins," and "Your Screwed." How stupid does Jaws look when he calls our games? Keep talking mess, Jaws - Wildcat lover Jon Gruden and his firecrotch will slap his balls against your face at the end of every game. When people ask us to stop running the Wildcat - it's like asking me to stop wiping my ass - NO WAY! With #23 just absolutely killin' it, Ricky playing like he's 22, and this expensive wall of men blocking for him - I thought I told you that we won't stop. Eh-eh-eh-eh.

Random "poppin' bottles, banging models" rapid fire in closing:

- O.M.F.G - did anyone else see Pat White almost step on his own foot and fall down on that last drive? I could taste my balls for that split second. It was hilarious - the entire crowd was waving him to the sidelines after each of his plays. We were like "GET OFF THE FIELD!!!" Did it kind of work? Yes. Was that PatCat glory hole experiment worth it right there? NO! Do it in the second quarter. Do it on the second drive. Do not do it with SECONDS LEFT!!! If he fumbles there, I slam my junk into the arm rest of my seat over and over until I pass out and find the cleanup crew stealing my wallet. No more #6. Ney! Not against the Jets on Monday night - that's getting too cute - and it would be about as cute as a plane crash in the Everglades if he fumbled.

- Question - did TV pickup the 1st penalty where the official said the foul in Spanish? That shit happened - did you guys here it?

- Scalpers need to be tamed at games, man. One of them stabbed someone last night at the game. I don't know any of the details - and I don't care. These guys are running up and down I-95 trying to sell you a ticket. As soon as we got out of the car, they surrounded us - and they act all shitty about it if you say you don't want to pay what they are asking. I didn't need tickets this time - so I just told them get lost and it was easy. I have a little note to scalpers: Hey assholes - try standing next to the line of people looking to buy tickets. Maybe get a real job? Maybe buy up a bunch and sell them on the internet - like humans? I don't want pay full price for a ticket from a guy on a bicycle holding a 40oz. Steel Reserve in a paper bag.

- Three tall Jack & Cokes. $60. The 1.75 liter bottle we had during the tailgate bought from ABC liquor - $35. Do I look like your girlfriend, Land Shark Stadium? Then why did you bend me over all last night?

- More concession problems. Chili-cheese nachos at the stadium taste like Hamster shit that has been stored in a Wolf's pussy. Exactly like that, I would imagine.

- Bonus wolf pussy nachos story. I got them - got to my seat - and tasted the disaster I just spent $8 on. My buddy had been gone for awhile - so I put them in his seat. He got back - gave me his beer to hold while he hopped over the aisle into his seat......ASS FIRST INTO the Wolf pussy nachos. I didn't notice at first - then I heard him say "WTF is that?" He shows me his hand - and it looked like he just took a shit and hand wiped his ass. I was laughing so hard that I almost puked. He had a brown chunky stain in his pants the rest of the game. He didn't want to stand up the rest of the game.

- Just to show Jets fans I laugh not only at them - but with them - I will mention a funny moment after DC$'s field goal last night. After the kick we sang our song - and instead of "And when you say Miami - you're talking Super Bowl," he busted out "and when you say Miami - you're talking field goals." Funny is funny - that shit was funny - I don't care.

- I so wanted JT to come up big last night - so I could use a line I made up drunk. You can't spell J-E-T-S.....without mother bleepin' JT. Ohhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

- I want to publicly embarrass a friend who totally bitched out of the game last night. His name is Denes. He paid for the ticket - and at 6pm decided he had "paperwork to do." He didn't even want his money back - so a friend now named "wolf pussy pants" got to go for free. Let's all take a minute to think about what he did - and how he threw away something you out of staters would blow a bowl of herpes for. Children in Somalia would kill for that ticket, Denes - how dare you!

- And in closing...Eat it Gang Green....eat it. Eat it like a bowl of elephant penis covered in Giraffe shit, you cocky big-mouthed know-it-alls.

Let's close this baby out right - with a little celebration. Thanks for reading!

Joe Namath - The most overated player in NFL history (VOTE! NEW POLL ADDED)

Rzayo24 — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 00:04:16 -0000

You heard me - Joe Namath is the most overated player in NFL History. It's about time someone spoke the truth. Everytime I hear Jets fans talk of Mark Sanchez being "The next Joe Namath" I break out in laughter - because I hope thats true. I myself was brainwashed for a long time - believing people when they mentioned him as one of the all-time greats - then I did a little research - and nearly crapped my pants. Let's start off my taking a quick look at his numbers - just your everyday generic stats a QB is judged upon.

Let's start with the stat that every true leader is judged upon - his win loss record.

77 wins, 108 losses, 3 ties.

How many NFL Quarterbacks are in the Hall of Fame with this kind of record? 77 wins divided by 13 seasons - thats not even an average of 6 wins a season. Hall of Famer? All-Time great? No - not even close. Closer to a tag of "The Original Trent Edwards" I would say.

Next let us look at another stat Quarterbacks are judged on - Interception and Touchdown totals.

173 Touchdowns, 220 Interceptions.

Really? 188 games played - and the guy throws 220 Interceptions? Less touchdowns than games played? Serious? Diffrent times or not - that is horrible. A player taken high in the first round - and given a NFL record contract , with the above numbers isn't called a Hall of Famer - it's called a bust. If you told me Chad Henne would finish his career with these numbers - I would guess he played for 6 diffrent teams over a 15 year span of shittiness. This is the standard Jets fans hold other quarterbacks to? I guess thats what Browning Nagle was all about.

In 1999 Namath was named to the Sporting News "Top 100" players of all-time - what a crock of shit that is. Three division titles in 13 years is "Greatness"? Bullshit. Your telling me a guy that finished his career with a little over 26,000 yards passing is in that kind of all-time company? Check out a short list of players with MORE career passing yards than "BJ".

- Rich Gannon

- Trent Green

- Brad Johnson

- Vinny Testaverde

Seriously - Trent Green? I'm no Jets football historian - maybe they ran the ball a crapload - but wow. What - you want a stat someone like Ron "I jerk it to X's and O's" Jaworski would find as good evidence of suck? How bout Quarterback rating then? That's a stat most modern day analyst think tells the story. What's this All-Time great's career passer rating?

65.5

I also have no real idea WTF a passer rating even means - I'll admit it. What I do know is a shitty quarterback when I see them - so I will compare that to some of the shittier quarterbacks that come to recent memory.

A.J. Feeley - 69.9 - Sooooo close Broadway - sorry.

J.P. Losman - 75.6 - Serious dude? He is the QB of the Las Vegas Locomotives. Cmon.

JaMarcus Russell - 72.2 - WOW - worse than a QB that struggles to zip his pants.

Ray Lucas - 77.1 - And I think both teams can tell you how bad Ray Lucas sucks balls.

We all know Joe Namath is known for his guarantee of victory in Super Bowl 3 - he invented the loud mouth cocky guarantee so many have tried since. You would figure winning MVP of that game - and being known most for his guarantee of that game - would mean he was nasty that day. You would be WRONG. Chizzzeeeeckkk It Izzoooout.

17-28 (Meh..) 206 yards (Meh....) NO TOUCHDOWNS. 1 INT... NO PASSES THROWN IN THE 4TH QUARTER! Now THAT is clutch QB play - MVP caliber even.

What - did he hand the ball off well? No. The Jets D had 4 picks in the game - Id say that "Most Valuable". This following a season where he completed 49% of his passes - and threw more INT's than TD's (17-15). Fraudy McFraderstein if I can say so myself.

How did Namath finish his career - with total suck and disapointment. Heading into the 1975 season the Jets were big favorites - they finished 3-11. Same deal in 1976 - 3-11. Namath went on to play 3 totally awesome games for the LA Rams - before getting turned into a human pretzel on MNF - and never playing again.

So while real greats like Dan Marino are all over TV spreading their knowledge of the game these days - Joe Namath, well he's doing stuff like this.

So to young Jets fans who believe "Broadway Joe" was one of the greats - sorry to bust your brainwash bubble. Numbers don't lie - especially the all important win/loss record. You want Mark Sanchez to be like "BJ" when he grows up? Me too.

Poll

Is/Was Joe Namath overated?

Yes.

87 votes

No.

12 votes

99 votes | Poll has closed

Inside The Mind of Rzayo24: Dolphins Fever - Catch it!

Rzayo24 — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:14:11 -0000

You know - sometimes being sick ain't such a bad thing. Once you get passed the wishing for death thing - it's kind of relaxing. On Sunday I was treated to "Dolphins in bed." Today I'm finding all these channels I never knew existed - like "TVLand" - which is currently running a Married with Children marathon - uh awesome? Kelly Bundy was my kind of chick - classy gal that Kelly. You get to spend quality time with your pets - whom I had pictured talking to each other and cooking while I was gone all day. Not the case - but maybe they just knew I was staying home - I'm on to them. In addition, you get to take lots of NyQuil - and have crazy dreams about Jason Taylor on a unicorn confessing his man-love for you. I was actually carded for NyQuil last night - what kind of party is a NyQuil party? Everyone chugs a bottle and watches half a movie? Point is, being sick sucks - but it has its perks. Such as you get your ITM a day early this week - see Rzayo24 being sick is fun!

FINALLY!!

OK - now that we have that out of the way - back to your regular scheduled programing.

Chad "The Robot" Henne did well - for the first time I actually saw things that made me interested in seeing more. I still saw wild throws at times - and HE RUNS SO DAMN SLOW! Overall I thought he showed some moxy - and I love it when i get to use the word moxy. I can tell already he is going to LOVE him some Brain Hartline. Henne to Hartline sounds like some 80's coverband they are a part of. Henne looked like he knew what he wanted to do with the football - something I have yet to see from him in the limited action he had seen. We have to be careful - it was the Buffalo Bills JV secondary he faced after all. I'm not going to sit here and act like I know how to evaluate a quarterback's performance - but what I do know is he didn't do anything to lose the game. You know you want to learn more about the Robot.

Trent Edwards is HORRIBLE. Oh my God - he is horendous! I have ZERO doubt he used to wear #11 - and the above video has not been doctored. At least in Miami - we know how to cut loose a crappy QB and move onto the next one - in Buffalo they wait YEARS. Holy hoover vacuum of suckage, Trent Edwards blows horsecock. If he was the quarterback of my team - I would light tires on fire and roll them onto the field. I normally don't focus on the other team in my article - but GOOD GOD BUFFALO. I think they found the single quarterback capable of sucking worse than JP Losman. Last year Buffalo fans were riding high when we played them - telling us Trent Edwards is "Tom Brady-ish". Tom Brady's little man scores more than the Buffalo Bills - and when he does it looks A LOT better.

Hell to the yes - now THAT is a pass rush. Cameron "Earth-Wake" is what the crap I'm talking about. I said I want more hungry talented ass kickers on this team - and Cameron Wake fits the bill. Every snap he got off the ball like his damn pants were on fire. I have no idea - but for some reason I kept calling him "Chocolate rain" during the game. I just kept going "Earthwake - Chocolate rain on that ass!".What the hell does that even mean? I told you - I'm sick - I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about. I always dreamed of having "Terry Tate the office linebacker" on our team - and now we do. JT seemed to feed off him - can you imagine Peezy in on that as well? Yeah - I would say he's active the rest of the year. That's enough "he doesnt play special teams well" talk - our special teams doesn't play special teams well - it's all good. I think after a sack Wake should pretend there's an earthquake going on - all the way back to the huddle - that would be sweet. I compare him to the Steeler's James Harrison - whom they cut three times before he broke out. Both earned their way to playing time - and when they got it they kept it. Let's hope Wake stays hungry - I like him when he's hungry.

And now the day draws closer - the game we all have circled on our calendars this year. Go ahead - go over and look at that circle around October 12th, 2009 - you got my birthday circled, sucker. In come the all mighty, ever so proven, definitely Super Bowl contender certified, battle tested, totally not a fluke - New York Jets on Monday Night Football. Oh yea - that big tittied blonde of a game fell directly on my birthday. We go in the underdog - we are expected to lose. Just like we were expected to get killed in Foxboro last season. I will be there with a few buddies - and best believe we will head to the Hard Rock afterward in celebration. Well - we are heading there afterward anyway - but the beer will taste better if we win. I would love nothing more than to unleash this smash-mouth running game upon their stinky Jets asses. I don't even want to win by a lot - I would rather slowly torture them 5 yards at a time. God - do I hate the New York Jets. Hey Dan Marino - whats your favorite Jets game memory?

Random possible swine flu infested rapid fire in closing (wear a mask and gloves) :

- "Sanchise" huh? Thank you Darren Sharper - thank you. If I could have been one person yesterday - it would have been Darren Sharper. **High five** #42

- Matt Millen is everywhere. I tune in for College coverage - Matt Millen. I tune in for NFL coverage - Matt Millen. I go to grab some toilet paper sitting on the can - Matt Millen personally cuts me squares. I reach for the remote in bed - Matt Millen wearing a teddy and a smile hands it to me. I watch the Phins game - Matt Millen?! Note to ESPN. Just because someone gets fired in the NFL - it doesn't mean we need to see them on your channel. I also don't remember giving Matt a key - so we have some things to talk about when I'm done writing.

- No Pat White yesterday. I feel like I met this hot chick online...and all her pictures looked great...but she wasn't the same in person.

- Is there a more useless stat in fantasy football than "Opponents points forced?" What the hell? I noticed that in my standings this week. Talk about something you have no influence on. Some dumbass I played yesterday benched Brady for Campbell - I guess I played great defense!?!?!

- Brett Favre tonight. I don't give a shit. Only because I've already won my matchup this week - so my bye week fill in Favre can break his ankle for all I care. I should have started Henne like my heart wanted me to - but my brain said "Step away from the keyboard - this is for money stupid!"

- Did you EVER in your LIFE think you would see the Dolphins in pink? Man when the NFL wants to get the word out on something - they lay the balls on the table and make sure you cant miss em. Next week some teams will have pink goal posts. PINK....GOAL....POSTS. Its all for a wonderful cause - saving boobies. Who amongst us doesn't want to save boobs? All the straight guys do. All the women do. That leaves gay guys - and I think they're on board, too. I know everyone has seen a gay guy slap a titty to be funny - it's like their signature thing. Everyone loves boobs!! Ask me for a dollar at checkout to "Save the boobs" - see if I can say no.

- When Brandon Fields is making special teams tackles - butts need chewing out. Why can't you be more like Dan Carpenter, special teams - why can't you be more like Dan.

- 4-0 in the Phinsider Survival League...yet if I put money on those games I would most definitely be 0-4....I'm sure of it...That's how betting on football goes for me.

- I thought I saw it wrong - until I saw PTI. Did Vontae REALLY SHUSHHHHHH the home crowd? I thought he did - then I said "Ehh no way...that was a "1"..as in my first INT....But the tape doesn'tt lie....New nickname....Forrest...as in Forrest Gump.

- Yesterday was the biggest blowout win for the Miami Dolphins in 7 years. It will look like a nice debut for Henne in a few years - but in reality it was our running game "doin' work, son".

This week I'll leave you with a reminder of what was said in the offseason....the Rex Ryan/Crowder back and forth. Well its time for Channing to back up his big fat mouth - and it's time for a big fat mouth to back the hell up. NEVER FORGET!!

Inside the Mind of Rzayo24: O.M.F.G.

Rzayo24 — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 03:14:20 -0000

So you want to break pregame ritual, do you Rzayo24 - we'll see. Yeah go ahead - decide 0-2 is reason to switch it up - have no faith in me - see what happens. Remember that quarterback you loved? Done. Let this be a lesson that the football Gods are nothing to mess with - my mistake has cost us a classy leader - and another game. This isn't some kind of joke! DO NOT MESS! Seriously though - 0-3 sucks - no getting around that. No matter what I say here - that's the elephant in the room we can't avoid. It's like trying to ignore the pitbull humping your leg at a new friend's house. This crap sucks - but what are you going to do? I was born into this mess - it's my family - I can't leave. I'm stuck with the Phins - and they are stuck with me. Let's be honest - I'm the lucky one.

In Loving memory of Chad Pennington - Dolphins Quarterback Aug. 2008 - Sept 2009

I remember the day I met you like it was yesterday. When you arrived - I was far from thrilled to have you. Years upon years of making fun of - and not being afraid of - your talents made me a skeptic. I have never been so wrong about anything in my entire life. Rarely do I watch another grown man go about his business and think to myself, "That's the kind of man I want to be." Football is just a game - most anyone can play it. Thousands of players have spent more time than you did in Miami - but only a handful have left the impression you have. All fans ask is that the players they root for give 100% - and do everything they can to be the best player they can possibly be. Your leadership alone last season may have carried a ragtag bunch of players to an AFC East division title. Your "never say die, a'ways be prepared" attitude was the sole reason this team went where it did last season.

Sunday before the game I went to the barber - and came across that SoBefit article you did a few months back. An article meant to be all about you ended up being all about the writers experiance WITH YOU. By the end of the article he was throwing a football with your son and singing songs like they were at a family BBQ - even then you asked HIM if HE needed anything. Rarely do pro's conduct themselves in such a manner - and I thank you - it's what we will remember most. Your stats are meaningless to me - it's all about what you brought to this organization. From day one you made jaded Dolphins fans begin to expect excellence from their team - something we all had forgotten how to do - because that is what you expect from yourself and your teammates. Without a doubt, you brought pleasure and joy to the heart of fans that badly needed it at the time - you are forever a Dolphin in our hearts. Thank you.

Video pretty much sums it up - we are KICKING OUR OWN ASS. Players such as Gibril Wilson are basically sticking their own head in a urinal and flushing it. I promise you - this team is not that bad. Sadly - I also promise you this team is not that good. We come down the field like damn Braveheart - only to crap our pants on the inch yardline. Watching that Dolphins game Sunday was more frustrating than watching girl on girl porn - knowing that a dude will walk in. Time and time again we shot ourselves in the foot. I think we can all agree that watching a superior team beat us is easier to take than watching us fumble away a victory to a team with Wee-man at RB. We might not be that good - but we AIN'T that bad. This Dolphins team has more talent than they are displaying on the field on Sundays - and it's frustrating as hell to watch.

Someone has to be the voice - the voice of sanity. Someone has to say what EVERYONE is thinking. That someone needs to be the voice of reason for all to hear. Well I'll take one for the team - and sit naked on this parking cone of truth - this team is years away from being a true title contender. It's just so tough to say it - I can barely write it. You look around on Sundays and see impact players we don't have. You see young talent like Adrian Peterson and understand our team isn't close to that level. We need at least two more drafts - drafts that produce pro-bowlers in the making at game changing positions like wide receiver and safety. We need players ESPN wants to splash all over a promo during women's softball. We need explosive, powerful, passionate players. That is my biggest problem with this Miami Dolphins team - and many before it - we are the sheep, not the wolf. We always back down - and I for one am sick and tired of it. It's time to get some people in here that just have that "it". Our "it" players are getting old - and the others are wet behind the ears. I've enjoyed running the ball like we have the last few weeks - win or not. In my lifetime Ive never seen it really. Let's be real - I'm 29 years old - last time we ran like this my parents hadn't even met yet. It's time to push back - stop being the damn sheep every season.

Run the damn Wildcat, you mother - I'm pissed. Stop pissing around. There are two kind of people in this world - losers who don't take advantage of glitches in Madden - and winners like me that throw the WR slant 10,000 times in a row in Madden 2002. It's a glitch in the game - milk that bitch! Ronnie has that formation down to a science. Have you been watching these runs lately? The man is doing the "Skanky Leg" dance - through holes that didn't exist a split second ago. He has read how teams defend the original Wildcat play amazingly this year. He gets lost behind our HUGE offensive line - and darts to an open hole for big yards nine out of ten times. The times he has handed it off - Cobbs and Ricky have had near to the house runs. If there was ever a play to run to nausea - its the Wildcat - it's poetry in motion. It's like watching a damn Cirque du Soleil trapeze show - well it would be - if that wasn't a suspect thing for a straight man to do. RUN THE WILDCAT UNTIL THEY STOP IT. Don't make me angry - you won't like me when I'm angry.

Random Rapid Fire in closing :

- Hey dick for brains - it's the Wildcat - not the Bobcat. Even my mom knows the name. You're paid all week to prepare to announce a football game - and you miss that? What are you doing all week - flying kites? Friggin' doofus Dan Fouts.

- Next person that says "Derrrr huhuh - why doesnt Bolt play football" I will cock punch. He's Ted Ginn with confidence and an accent. Actually that sounds pretty cool...Naw...That still sucks balls.

- IGNORE THE JETS - they ain't winning crap. It might be pretty right now - but Jets seasons NEVER age well.

- Any Mike Vick haters wish we had him now? If you don't - man you love dogs.

- The sad gay panda side of Tony Sparano needs to take a hike - stop dragging ass, fat jesus. Are you breaking? This is where asshole coaches light fires. Light fires, bitch! Get up in asses! Like the dude in Top Gun said "I WANT SOME BUTTS!"

- Phins fans kill me. I kill me! We are already falling for the next future QB - before the current future has even had a chance. Come to think of it - we did the same thing to "Beckies" little ass. We are such QB hype whores! We have been brainwashed. People for years have told us "Hey no - I'm telling ya this Gus Ferrotte bastard can play!"....or "I don't know - but this AJ Feeley really does move around like Brett Favre" or "Daunte really is healthy - and he's wearing his old high school number now - because hes pumped to be home"...shit even Sports Illustrated put that crap on the cover. Jesus....we have a live thread and one would think we traded for Vince Young. Hey...truth be told....I see a lil Romo in this kid. DOHHHH!!!!!

Thats all she...er...her wrote. This week I leave you with CP10 love - damn it I'll miss him. Beat the Bills!!!!!!!