SB Nation User Blog: Rzayo24

I.T.M. Rzayo24 : "Bigger, Faster, and Stronger"

Rzayo24 — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:03:50 -0000

In 1998, the Miami Heat were unstoppable. Alonzo Mourning and Tim Hardaway were sick. They were the #1 seed in the East, the Knicks were the #8 seed. In game five, Allan Houston would bounce a runner off the rim 3 times and in to send the Heat home (in a game played in Miami). The players were shocked, the fans were heart broken. I was in near tears knowing it was all over. In the lockeroom, Pat Riley sat in his office and cried. Alonzo Mourning went in after about 10 mintues and said "Get out there and talk to the team, do your job. They need you right now." Well that is kind of how I feel this week. I wasnt sure if i had an ITM in me this week. I mean, who wants to laugh right now? Well some of you said you do, and asked me to "get out there and do my job." This might be a little different than your usual I.T.M., but its what is in my mind that defines this article, not just what's humorous. Lets get into it.

I would like to thank all the fans who came out to Dolphin Stadium this weekend - it was a truly special place. The turnout was a playoff record, and the towels all waiving during the pre-game introductions was amazing. Dolphin Stadium has seen so many magical, important games, and you really can't duplicate the feeling inside when the Dolphins are kicking ass. Many people have knocked the Phins fans in the past for being quiet or subdued, but to me they are just CLASSIC. We understand tradition and excellence, that is why last year was unexceptable. This brand does not stay down for long, and this year was a return to the team football this franchise is known for. Home playoff games where the chant was "Lets Go Dolphins" and not "Lets Go Heat" were welcomed back in style. Dolphin Stadium Sunday was the cherry on this seasons sundae, win or lose.

Meet my friend Jim. This is a picture taken seconds after Chad Pennington threw his fourth interception. Jim is confused. Jim's face is stuck in this expression. He is in "Pennington Playoff Pick" shock. Jim refuses to change his clothes. He keeps saying "F@% Ed Reed" over and over and over in the bathroom mirror while putting on lipstick. He refuses to eat or bathe because "Cam Cameron must die". All he keeps asking me is "Are you sure his name is JOHN Harbaugh?" When I say "Yeah, I'm pretty sure," he says "Jim!?" Someone was talking politics at work today and Jim punched him in the back of the head because he thought he said "McClain" instead of "McCain." Jim called me today and just started screaming in a mocking manner "Wacco for Flacco! Wacco for Flacco!". When Jim was in my car he jumped out at a stop light and started head butting dents in a parked car, because it was kinda purple. Jim doesnt believe what he saw Sunday, you will have to excuse him.

Seriously Ed Reed, what the crap? Most Phins fans in South Florida,are Canes fans as well. Not me, I went to FSU. Everytime I see this guy he is kicking me in the friggin' nuts. My nuts are sore and rosey red. Mr. Ed Reed sir, please stop, this shit hurts. From watching his (NFL player filled) Canes teams in person stomp all over my Noles, to his Ravens dominantion of the Phins in big games, this guy sucks. Ed Reed you S-U-C-K. When I say suck, I mean "please for the love of god stop hurting me with your alien talents." It's like the ball hits his fingers and the world pauses while he stops on a dime, switches direction, finds his personal endzone escorts, tears off you head, sucks the blood from your body, and dances on your endzone logo. Have you ever seen 70,000 people cover their faces with free towels all at the same time? I could have stripped naked and only Ravens fans would have seen me. When I saw Andy Alleman darfing his way towards Reed on the return, I knew he was gone and my day just got longer. Your a very, very, very mean man Edward Reed. Not only are the Ravens "all about the U through and through", but that defense smells like Miami, doesn't it? That style of defense reminds me of prison. That is how the Canes used to play defense, and that is the kind of defense that produces smarkly rings. God, what a bad man, on a sick defense powered by Miami's finest and future Hall of Famers.

The above picture is what the playoffs are all about. The crowd was deafening, trying to stop an opening Ravens drive that had score written all over it. When this ball hit the ground and Joey scooped it up the place exploded. This was unlike anything I have seen or felt in years. For a split second it seemed like 5 minutes after watching Joey sprint through introduction flames, we would see him sprint into the endzone for a touchdown. The crowd, in unison, started chanting "Lets Go Dolphins" immediately. When we took the field on offense you could tell the people in the stands wearing aqua really thought today was their day. It felt and smelled the same as weeks past. The people around me jumping up and down screaming "MVP!!" as CP10 took the field. The Jumbotron with a huge Dolphins logo beating like a heart with the words "I Believe" on it. The Ravens fans chanting defense and getting booed, and then eventually swallowed into a sea of roars as the team broke all the way down the field. Cobbs had two nice catches, and we got down to the 1 after a bruising Ricky run. Everything after that fumble recovery seemed to go good until we settled for a field goal. Minutes later.....ED REED HAPPENED. Yet still, this moment was the payment for a great season. At that moment you could not believe what was happening. Keep that feeling - that's the feeling you should embrace. That feeling is what this season was. From ashy, to classy. From worst, to first. From chumps, to champs. From the bullied, to the bully. Whatever you want to say, this is a celebration, and that play felt like a little bit of heaven on earth. Now stop crying in your beer and go get me a draft magazine.

(Dear God....this man owns the Dolphins now?!)

Dear Mr. Ross,

Don't go down this road. Please, please don't go down that road. You know what road I am talking about, you mouse looking New York real estate puke, you. I don't get to decide who buys my team, but I do get to decide whom I will personally upper-cut. If in fact you drive the Trifecta away, and hire your buddy ol' pal Carl, things could get dicey for you. Many Phins fans have lived down here for many years, and lets just say if you ruin this team's progress the real estate known as "your face" will be devalued. Stay away from the team and we are cool. You need to start kissing some Tuna ass, my friend - he can take $12 million from you and say "Ok...now what are you gonna pay me....FOR REAL?" Someone that wants a government bailout, but buys an NFL team, is already shady in my book. Do not give me more reasons to hate you, you had me at NEW YORK and well....NEW YORK. The next time I have to write you, it will be in person, and I won't be writing, I will be kicking old man ass. Take a timeout, maybe this team isn't for you, my friend. Go away...run along Ratatouiile before you get knee deep in it.

Top 10 signs your teams football season is over

10) Your fathead of Ronnie Brown is turned facing the wall, because it's just too much to look at.

9) A coach on your team, whom you have never heard of, is interviewing for a head coaching job. (Who the hell is "Bowles"?!)

8) All the sudden you have the urge to play basketball.

7) The "reading material" in your bathroom changes from the morning paper, to anything that has the name "Mel Kiper" somewhere on it.

6) Anyone and everyone who knows you avoids talking about "the game" for the next 10-14 days. No one has ever broken this rule and lived to tell about it.

5) Gus Johnson is calling the game, but it's a basketball game.....his voice still makes you wanna run through a brick wall though.

4) All of the sudden, the weeks feel like they are 8 days instead of 7....because Sundays just opened up.

3) You don't HAVE TO drink EVERY weekend....now its avoidable....kinda. Not really.

2) When people ask you who you want to win, you say "My team isnt playing, they have a bye this week."

1) You're a Jets fan. (1 last LOL! at you, gang green, until next season!)

It has been my pleasure writing these articles, and I hope to continue sharing my views with all of you in the future. Laughing, to me, makes the good times better and the bad times bearable. I plan on spending my offseason right here on this site - yes, you're stuck with me. Fantastic football minds, like Matty and Nicky, being on my side this year has really made this place a pleasure to checkout everyday. We have a little bit of everything here on The Phinsider.

This season was a lot like a roller coaster. Fun while it lasted, tough to get off, and I want to do it all over again. This offseason will be extremely exciting. We have 10 draft picks (including 3 in the 1st 2rds), questions will be answered upstairs, and free-agent "hot-stove" talk will again include us as a sexy destination. I implore you to wear your aqua and orange all offseason long. Pickup some new Phins gear, show it off with pride. The Miami Dolphins will be back, "Bigger, Faster, and Stronger."

Sparano on Phins next year: "Bigger, stronger, faster"

Rzayo24 — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:23:54 -0000

This is why I love this coach, he really gets it. How many other coaches wake up at 330am the next day after a postseason loss? Why would you? You have months to chill...its the offseason. No...not Tony. Another exciting part of THESE COMMENTS is that he believes exactly what I believe is our 1st goal...both lines need to be our prime concern. Win the battle up front...and everything else looks great. Look at the Giants, they have the great line...and can still trot our friggin Sam Madison. More of a rush will make even Jason Allen look like a pass coverage master. He also says "Chad Pennington will enter the season as my starter". Of course that isnt set in stone, but It is VERY OBVIOUS Sparano and Pennington are getting to be as connected as a coach and player can get. Sparano truly believes Chad prepares himself like none other. Its a good time to be a Phins fan...maybe not today...but this year. Wit ha coach like this....we are headed to great things.

Ernest Wilford "They never gave me an opportunity"

Rzayo24 — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:29:41 -0000

These comments will offically end his tenure as a Miami Dolphin. If you thought he was gone before, this article should convince you. Wilford was the 13th highest piad wideout this season, and finished with 3 catches for 25 yards. Remarkable. I feel like thats almost impossible. Brandon London did more in one post season game, than Wilford did in 17 weeks prior. Read this:

ERNEST WILFORD IS A LOSER

What does he have to say after the loss? "Golf season, baby!". I wonder if someone was secretly wishing his teams season would end. Well there you go Ernest...you got your wish. I hope I never see you in my teams colors again.

Poll

Should we cut Wilford?

CP10 Named Fed-Ex Air player of the Week

Rzayo24 — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:47:59 -0000

The hardware just keeps on rolling in for CP10. Chad Pennington was named the Fed-Ex Air player off the week, for his performance against the Jets last week. LT won the ground award for his perfromance versus the Broncos on Sunday night. Chad went 22-30 for 200 yards and a touchdown in a victory against New York last week. Chad made quiet a case for MVP in his last game, but lost out to Peyton Manning (Chad came in 2nd). Chad did win the comeback player of the year award however. Good to see CP10 getting his share of attention from media and fans outside of Miami. Congrats, Chad!

16 Weeks....16 Pictures

Rzayo24 — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 06:01:58 -0000

I came across a great source for Phins photos(daylife.com)....and decided to pick 1 out from every week that I thought told the story. Enjoy.....

Week #1(0-1)....Farve makes his NY Jets debut in Miami....and spoils Sparano's. Phins fall in the home opener 20-14.

Week #2. (0-2)....Total Secondary collapse....Cards dominate 31-10. Henne aka "Franchise" sees first playing time

Week #3.(1-2)...The "Wildcat" shocks the world....often imitated...never duplicated...38-13 Phins big in Foxboro.

Week #4..(2-2)....It wasn't a fluke.....Phins stuns the Chargers 17-10...Complete 2007 AFC Championship game participants sweep.

Week #5......(2-3)....Andre' Johnson miracle 4th down catch over Bell.....Texans still have our number....29-28.

Week # 6..(2-4)........Playoff Preview...Cam-Cam back in the building...Phins fall 27-13.

Week #7..(3-4)...Buffalo's and Miami's season go in opposite directions.Joey Porter abuses Trent Edwards. MIA 25-16.

Week #8.....(4-4)....Things start getting real....Defense starts to shine..Miami wins in Denver...26-17.

Week #9..(5-4)..Seahawks squeaker, season saver. Show they can win the close games this year, unlike last...Phins 21-19.

Week #10..(6-4).....Oakland game...closer than it should have been. Ginn Jr. makes a "houdini" catch. Phins 17-15 over the Raiders

Week #11..(6-5)...Pats get even.....Phins miss opportunity...Matt Light fights like a girl.Pats 48-28.

Week #12....(7-5)..St.Louis bring their "A" game...all injured Rams stars comeback for the game....Phins survive a scare 16-12 in Missouri.

Week#13..(8-5)....The Miami Dolphins own the Rogers Center....and Buffalo..16-3.

Week #14..(9-5)..San Fran can't "break" the Phins D..Playoffs within reach....Phins fans everywhere start to raise their expectations for 2008...14-9 Miami.

Week #15..(10-5)..KC puts up allot of points...CP10 puts up more...Phins 38-31 in the coldest game in their history. Sets up a dream matchup in the Meadowlands for the division.

Week #16....(11-5 AFC EAST CHAMPS)..The Miracle Miami turnaround is complete. AFC East Title, and The Miami Dolphins...get on the same plane. Phins 24-17. Pats/Jets stay home.

What a wonderful season this has been....and the best is still to come. This season will always hold a special place in my heart....what a pleasant surprise it has been to watch the PRIDE of the Miami Dolphins restored this season.

(PLEASE POST YOUR FAVORITE PICS BELOW)

YOUR NEXT BALTIMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

via cache.daylife.com

Rzayo24 Rec'd Video's : 100% Must watch stuff people (Bonus! Picture of the year)

Rzayo24 — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:44:53 -0000

I searched through 3 hours of video for you this week.....and stepped the video rec'dom to playoff level. Get a freakin' load of these...I promise you..it's better than watching what you got on right now....

1st of all...Happy New Year from YOUR Miami Dolphins...and what a year it was...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJPVbt2q7ZE

Hahahaha a Jets fan SWITCHING TO A PHINS FAN!! AND BURNING A FAVRE JERSEY!!! CLASSIC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXnVsE7xqKQ

Now watch this so I get you mentally where I want you....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FffHcu9YLlQ

The single best video of the year...when I tell you watch this...watch this....do not skip around..you need the build-up. 6 minutes...and a storybook Miami Dolphins season story is told...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRvAoruqs0w

PTR!!! 1600 YARDS..over 4 yards per carry....R & R Express was sweet this year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fyl6nw2ljQ

"Daholl" a member on this site emailed me this 8 sec clip of Ray Lewis getting trucked by Eddie George awhile back....so it's possible Ronnie!

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/eddie-george-takes-out-ray-lewis/2369895375

The day "IT" happened....the best day a Phin had all season...Ronnie Brown Foxboro Wildcat party.....with MIA radio audio....my 2nd favorite game this year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5c4DKdxU9g

If you didnt watch this last week...watch it this week.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fQhOzkviqE&feature=related

Sunday....1pm.....when toe meets Pigskin......we are offically a contender again.

GO DOLPHINS!!!

And now the picture of the year,......

Your next Ravens.

I.T.M. Rzayo24: P-L-A-Y-O-F-F-S Edition!

Rzayo24 — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 02:54:23 -0000

I wasn't sure how to start off my post this week - I'm so stinkin' confused. I'm honestly not even sure this is real. I feel like I dated a fat chick my whole life, and she went on "The Biggest Loser" and all the sudden I'm dating a super hottie. Then I took that dime-piece to New York, and had her rub it in her ex-boyfriends face. I pretty much feel like that, but this is way better. I have weighed the options, and this Phins season is now ahead of beautiful women - go figure. Don't judge me. Women are everywhere; seasons like this one come around once in a lifetime. Yeah, I probably (er hopefully?) will see 11-5 plenty of more times in my life. But never again in this fashion. Left for dead in the division to most experts in '08, a series of events have unfolded that have written a "Final Destination 7" type script for the other AFC East teams. Pretty much the Jets flushed the toilet, a CP10 trickled down the side, Favre slipped on it and fell down some stairs, ran into Tom Bradys' knee - tearing his ACL, and a division title happened. This 10 sec video right here pretty much sums up all of my emotions.

When you're talking about Phillip Merling, apparently you're talking about better hands than you'll find in a Japanese massage parlor. His hands lead to a happy ending as well, only this ending is a faceplant on the Jets logo in the endzone. When he caught the ball, I was silent as crap. I had no idea what I was looking at. Highlights from Clemson? Am I having a Tim Bowens flashback? The best part of that play was Favre trying to get near him. He switched hands and just looked at Favre as he knocked himself near unconscious on the cold turf. Then he switched hands back to avoid a Thomas Jones strip! Give that dude #18, he deserves it more than what's his name.

Look at that smirk - this dude friggin' knows something everyone else doesn't. Tony Sparano is a certified badass. I am now convinced he isn't fat, he just has so much knowledge in his head he needs to store it in his belly. A little known fact about Tony is that he had both legs amputated at birth. From his waist down to his shoes is just testicle he covers with slacks. Was there any doubt this man was going for that 4th down late in the game? He never coached at New Haven, that place doesn't exist. "New Haven" is just on his resume so you don't notice the fine print where it says "Vince Lombardi reincarnated." If Tony Sparano told me that when he took a crap, magically, butterflies and bubbles came out, I'd say "that sounds about right." Nothing bad comes out of this man, NOTHING. If there were Olympic events dedicated to "Leadership" and "Badassness", Micheal Phelps would be shit out of a record.

Dear Chad Pennington,

Wow, I have so much to say to you. I'm just writing you to let you know these last few months together have meant so much to me. From the random way you walked into my life, to this past Jets game, you have made me feel so safe and secure in your arms. I know the Jets jaded you, and your going to be more cautious in this relationship, but I swear you can trust me with your heart. Look, I even tattooed "Property of Chaddie" just below my belly button. Too much too soon? I'm sorry - I just needed you to know how much you meant to me. Yesterday in the Meadowlands you looked into the huddle and said "Let's go!"....only I knew that was code for " Rzayo24 is a super cuttie pants". Everytime I open a bill, I hope it's one of your cute little "This games for you" notes you know I cherish so much. Anyway I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you, and umm......I think....I love you.

Love, Rzayo24 (wow that was ubber-gay!)

P.S.- Our song is still "Wake me up...before you go-go" by Wham!....yes I remembered...thanks for the CD.

Oh, you want some Baltimore? Oh, you think you got this?! Bring that rookie quarterback back down to Miami and lets see what's up now, broseph. Cam Cam - fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice....that shit ain't happening, so shut up with that mess. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Ray Lewis. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Terrell "Alien Lips" Suggs. Sunday, 1pm, the Miami Dolphins are taxing that ass. Joey is going to smack around Flacco, and then take his mother out to a real nice seafood dinner. That's right, seafood.....dinner......mother....I said it. Anytown with the worlds most famous cakestore can't be that tough. I see your 2001, and I raise you a 2008.

Really, Brett Favre? Really? You wanna go out like that? Oh wait, where was the skipping and "oh my gosh Mom made meatloaf for dinner" happy jump around act Sunday? Where was the running towards the endzone with a finger in the air and a shit eating grin? Where was the "savior" magical Mississippi 10 year old boy in a 39 year olds body commentary from John Madden and Phil Simms? You can't shake hands? Go home - hunt or something. I, for one, do not trust you with a gun around me. 22 times you might hit the deer, 22 times you might hit me, shit if I know. Your annoying and I hope one day you decide to coach, and Tony Romo is a washed up has-been sent to your team. Your own team hates you! I seriously would not even trust you going to the bathroom in my house. For all I know, I'll be cleaning up half of your urine off the walls. 22 touchdowns, 22 interceptions, and a lifetime of laughter at your lowlights this season. Thanks for coming back, Grandpa.

They are saying "Shut the hell up, you douche!" If I see your bald ass sitting on your boyfriends shoulders leading a crowd of Mobil attendants in a chant of "J-E-T-S...JETS! JETS! JETS!" for one more season I might set myself on fire so you have something else to do. Honestly, who made you famous? You have a firefighter hat. You can spell "Jets." That makes you equal to an 11 year old in Jersey playing with his Christmas toys. Blow it out your ass, and have a nice offseason, Edward. Spell this for me....."I am gay".....ok I did it for you. Now go chant it on a hairy dudes shoulders. Maybe you can use your awesome spelling bee talents for good use and teach some of those New York cab drivers how to read. I don't know if you know this or not, but fires still happen on Sundays. What the hell, bro? I love how you quiet the crowd for about 10 seconds, and then have them spell for 3. That's a great strategy - nice job.

Random Championship thoughts in closing:

If I never hear Phil Simms voice again, it will be too soon. Can someone take a blowtorch to his vocal cords already? I wish I could throw a rock through my TV, and into his face. Trent Dilfer keeps saying Brett Favre is "the best football player to ever play quarterback".....what the hell does that even mean? Are all quarterbacks not football players? Jerkoff. The Joey Haynos project is offically over. 1 catch, and a balls in throat almost fumble. No more. John Denney, your the weakest link, goodbye. You look high, and your snaps are high. Sparano made you shit your pants, and on the last punt you had me shitting mine. I don't like poop in my pants, so you have to go. Ricky, I am gonna go ahead and forget about you dropping the most perfect pass I have ever seen. Ronnie, I am gonna go ahead and forget about you throwing a pass in the shape of an "L." You two knuckleheads are to be perfect, like Chad. Tuna, I don't think you are leaving, but if you do, oh man I feel sorry for you. I'll be stalking you to no end. You will wake up in the morning and "Come back to Miami or else" will be written in lipstick on your mirror. When you get into the shower, I will be standing there smiling. When you get in your car, I will be in the backseat in full Phins pads. When you go to the grocery store, I will be your clerk. When you open your microwave, it will be full of Dolphin fillets. When you make any phone call, it will automatically be routed to my cellphone. When you go to the gym, I will be your personal trainer named "Jake". You get the picture Tuna. DO NOT LEAVE OR ELSE. Tom Brady's knee still hurts? He is rich and marrying Gisselle, let his knee fall off - I don't feel for him. In fact, I hope the inside of his knee grows into a fetus and pops out mid-season next year. Stuff it Tom - thats for running it up on us, you pretty little tighty whitey Calvin Klein model, you.

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

That pretty much sums up last Sunday's game. We just had to sit back and let Brett Favre be Brett Favre. We all knew we would make enough plays to be in the game, thats waht we do. The key this season has been we stay close and let the other team screw it up. Opportunity has knocked on our door in the past, but this season we had Chad right there to open the door when it arrived. I was going to thank all of you, but why? The season isn't over yet. If you don't think the Super Bowl is within reach, then why are you still watching? I will be in the stands Sunday, and I expect to be writing about a victory and a trip to Pittsburg next week come Monday. P-L-A-Y-O-F-F-S!!!

Rzayo24 Pregame pump you up rec'd videos

Rzayo24 — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 07:12:00 -0000

This video speaks for itself...and the music makes this video "epicer"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHS-wXpVI8U

Miami Dolphins...where amazing happens

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqZ9X8abj20&feature=related

Season in pictures...........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KViHmu1fyJQ&feature=related

"Believe"....yeah you've seen it...but now is the time to watch it again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ka-fqtuyipM&feature=related

This to me is CP10's signature play this year.....somehow...someway...close or not...the job gets done. I heart me some CP10 till the day I die just for this season alone. Thank You Chad....seriously

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SVjj3cZRHg

This kid kicks ass

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xblsur1vts

Inch by Inch.....Al Pacino Any Given Sunday speech....to Phins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fQhOzkviqE&feature=related

Beat the Jets Miami......FINISH!

Getting to know: The Lousaka Monster

Rzayo24 — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 05:16:58 -0000

Yeah, I know you probally are familiar with "The Lousaka Monster", but I figured he was due for a formal introduction. After reading this article, my goal is to have you familar with our newest short-yardage weapon. Lousaka Polite was born Sept. 14th, 1981 (exact day/year of my sister's birthday) in Pittsburg. Weighing in at a hefty 245lbs, and measuring a stocky 6ft tall, The Lousaka Monster is the prototypical sized "NFL Fullback"......those things you may know....but lets get to know this monster even deeper......it could save your life if ever face to face with an actual "Lousaka Monster". The next 2 minutes could potentially save your life.

Does this man look like the kind of dude you wanna have to stop when the goal is less than 12 inches? I for one want no part of such a monster. He refuses to shave, and sticks to a steady diet of nails and glass. Once he was rumored to wipe his ass with barbed wire. The Lousaka Monster eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life." Lousaka refers to this as "Tuesday".

If you want to make an appointment with Ronnie, Ricky, Patrick, or (for gods sake) CP10 for that matter, you better make arrangements with the Lousaka first. If you dont, he will crush you into lil pieces, then crush those lil pieces into smaller pieces, then take those small pieces and make a powder...which he will smoke to take your soul.

This article talks of his "human side"........True Hollywood story "The Lousaka Monster". I for one am not buying it. This article leads you to believe The Lousaka is human, but if ever faced with one the key to survial is "Concede the first-down". Never attempt to tackle a Lousaka monster, it may be the last mistake you ever make. The Lousaka Monster eats first downs like Pac-Man...a very large african amercian monster of a Pac-Man.

To fully understand the power of the rarely seen "Lousaka Monster"...u must look deeper into his stats....

17 rushes, 68 yards, 8.5 yards. Laugh at those stats and he will break your neck, then suck the blood from your body, or so goes the legend. Those stats seem minor....but inside those stats stand a 11-11 short yardage conversion when the yardage to go is less than 2 yards. 9-9 on 3rd, and 4th downs.

Once again...when face to face with a Lousaka Monster...back away and conceed the first down....pray for a Joey Hayos fade ("six foot eight Joey Haynos" ).....and curl into the fetal position. Tears and wetting yourself are acceptable, the Lousaka Monster has been known to induce such involuntary actions. Fear the Lousaka Monster....if sighted do not attempt to apprehend...he is fat and dangerous.

I spell checked this article 12 times...just to make sure I spelled "Lousaka" correctly...he warned one hiccup could lead to my death. I am currently changing addresses and phone numbers...Im on the run. If I do not post ever again..let it be known....I was another victim of "THE LOUSAKA MONSTER"!!!!!! Good thing I told him my name was "Matty I".

FEED THE DAMN LOUSAKA MONSTER!!!!!!!

Smack talk section

Your going down Jets fans.....get ur puke green hankies ready....daddy is coming home and you know he wants to slap you around. Say all you want...but we know ur embarrassed....its ok....at least u have your own stadium this week....Giants Stadium!!! GeeeeeeMen JV is on the schedule Phins fans.....a really expensive JV Gmen. Eat it Jets fans...eat it...savor it....love it...get to know it.....bath in it....write it down...take a picture..i dont give a bleep...this is happening

THE 12 DAYS OF TRIFECTA CHRISTMAS

Rzayo24 — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 15:39:20 -0000

This was requested by Husker....here it goes....

On the first day of Christmas,
the Trifecta sent to meeeeeeeeeeee
A Pennington and his accuracy.

On the second day of Christmas,
the Trifecta sent to meeeeeeeeeeee
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie,
And a Pennington and his deadly accuracy.

On the third day of Christmas,
the Trifecta sent to meeeeeeeee
Three Wilford $2million dollar catches ,
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie ,
And a Pennington and his kickass accuracy.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
the Trifecta sent to meeeeeeeeeeeee
Four Ronnie Wildcat fueled Foxboro Touchdowns,
Three Wilford $2million dollar catches,
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie,
And a Pennington from the state of Tennessee.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
the Trifecta sent to meeeeeeeee
#5 DC$,
Four Ronnie Wildcat fueled Foxboro Touchdowns,
Three Wilford $2 million dollar catches,
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie,
And a Pennington and his All NFL accuracy.

On the sixth day of Christmas
the Trifecta sent to meeeeee:
Six foot eight Joey Haynos
#5 DC$
Four Ronnie Wildcat fueled Foxboro Touchdowns
Three Wilford $2 million dollar catches
Two Rb Ricky, Ronnie
and a Pennington with laser pinpoint accuracy

On the seventh day of Christmas
the trifecta sent to me:
Seven catches, 175 yards of Ted Ginn Bills thrashing
Six foot eight Joey Haynos
#5 DC$
Four Ronnie Wildcat fueled Foxboro Touchdowns
Three Wilford $2 million dollar catches
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie
and a Pennington, that gives me bi-sexual tendencies

On the eighth day of Christmas
the Trifecta sent to meeeeeeeeeee:
Eighty Eight Flying squirrell David Martin
Seven catches, 175 yards of Ted Ginn Bills thrashing
Six foot eight Joey Haynos
#5 DC$
Four Ronnie Wildcat fueled Foxboro Touchdowns
Three Wilford $2million dollar catches
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie
and a Pennington that could lead the military

On the ninth day of Christmas
the Trifecta sent to meeeeeeeeeee:
Ninth of November Seahawks squeaker
Eighty Eight Flying squirell David Martin
Seven catches, 175 yards of Ted Ginn Bills thrashing
Six foot eight Joey Haynos
#5 DC$
Four Ronnie Wildcat fueled Foxboro Touchdowns
Three Wilford $2million dollar catches
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie
and a Pennington that makes me so happy, i pee

On the tenth day of Christmas
The Trifecta sent to meeeeeeeeee:
Ten Wins and a Meadowlands showdown
Ninth of Novemeber Seahawks squeaker
Eighty Eight Flying squirell David Martin
Seven catches, 175 yards of Ted Ginn Bills thrashing
Six foot Eight Joey Haynos
#5 DC$
Four Ronnie Wildcat fueled Foxboro Touchdowns
Three Wilfrod $2Million dollar catches
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie
and a Pennington protected by Justin Smiley

On the eleventh day of Christmas
the Trifecta sent to meeeeeeeeeee:
Eleven Lousaka Monster short yardage conversions
Ten wins and a Meadowlands showdown
Ninth of November Seahawks squeaker
Eighty Eight Flying Squirell David Martin
Seven catches, 175 yards of Ted Ginn Bills thrashing
Six foot eight Joey Haynos
#5 DC$
Four Ronnie Wildcat fueled Foxboro Touchdowns
Three $2million dollar Wilfrod touchdowns
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie
and a Chad Pennington, initals CP

On the twelfth day of Christmas
the Trifrecta sent to meeeeeeeeeee:
12 days until our Home playoff game
Eleven Lousaka Monster short yardage conversions
Ten wins and a Meadowlands showdown
Ninth of November Seahawks squeaker
Eighty Eight Flying Squirell David Martin
Seven catches, 175 yards of Ted Ginn Bills thrashing
Six foot Eight Joey Haynos
#5 DC$
Four Ronnie Wildcat fueled Foxboro Touchdowns
Three Wilford $2Millions dollar catches
Two Rb's Ricky, Ronnie
and a Pennington i would LIKE TO MARYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY( in states legal)

via media.miamiherald.com