SB Nation User Blog: Rzayo24

Henne/Marino vs. The Trifecta

Rzayo24 — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 02:51:23 -0000

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Henne/Marino vs. The Trifecta

Inside the Mind of Rzayo24: Murphy's Law

Rzayo24 — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:33:17 -0000

Man it hurts - the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" is the ultimate agony in life. The regret, the unknown of what could have been. Everyone lost this weekend - and we all know what could have been going down this weekend when the Patriots come to town. Somehow by losing to the stinky Buffalo Bills, we actually improved our playoff hopes - but it doesn't feel like it. For NFL fans, the game is so cruel. On one hand you have the 5-6 Tennessee Titans - who feel like they are a force moving forward - winners of five in a row. On the other hand you have our 5-6 Miami Dolphins, coming off a loss to what was basically the fifth UFL team. Seriously - if those Bills were in neon green uniforms playing for the city of Mobile, Alabama under the name "The Tornados" - nobody would have blinked. What's done is done - I can't take back hyping JJ Johnson as the next Emmitt Smith - and the Phins can't take back Sunday's "we don't work today" Chick-Fil-A employee type effort neither.

Some days you just wish you could hit the "do over" button. I am a firm believer in parallel universes - as in every single move you make influences your future. In this age of DVR and high tech gadgets, you would think that remote from the movie "Click" would be available to us by now. Sometimes you wish you could take back something you said; sometimes you wish you could take back something you did. Sunday I'm positive the Phins wish they could take back that effort. It's OK to lose - it happens. The loss to the Patriots this year bugged me less than any loss I can remember because we seemed to give our best - but the better team just prevailed. Games are definitely not won on paper - in any sport. In baseball, losing 60 of 162 games is thought of as amazing. In the NBA, if you lose just 20 of 82, you are thought of as one of the best teams of the decade. The problem (and greatness) with the NFL is that there are only 16 games played and every game matters. When you slip up and lose to a team you theoretically should have beaten, you are almost assured of regretting it later on. The fact that you play just once a week (in this case we had 10 days to prepare) makes poor, unenthusiastic efforts like Sundays just inexcusable. There's a reason the saying goes "any given Sunday" - and this Sunday we got a 3 hour lesson on just what that saying describes. If you know me - you know I don't harp on losses - or go into why or how we lost. I move on, because being a fan for 30 years has taught me before you know it Sunday is here again - and regardless of record or past performances - it's a chance to start from scratch. I'm as bummed as the rest of you. But what bums me more is I might only have 5 more weeks of having the opportunity to be disappointed. I think we can all agree - a Phins loss is better than no Phins at all. That may sound wrong - but when you think about it - it's true.

Embarrassment - that is the feeling I am getting from the team after Sunday. Sometimes that's a great motivator. I'll use a personal example of that and share my most embarrassing moment of all time with you. I'll regret it - but whatever - looking back I can laugh. It all started with a girlfriend and I "documenting" something on my cell phone - that in retrospect I wish wasn't on something I keep in my pocket 24/7. So I'm doing a group presentation - and finish my portion. I sit down and go to look at a text I got - and hit the wrong button. Yeah - THAT button. Somehow I hit a button on my phone that sent you directly to playing the first, and only, 45 minute video in my memory - at a volume that would make you think I had a competition 40' inch woofer in my pocket. So I realize what is happening - and go turbo finger on my phone hoping to stop the inevitable. After about 20 seconds of looks and laughs I get up and Usain Bolt it towards an exit - in the meantime ripping my flip cell phone in half to end the agony. Thankfully it was the last class - and I was able to play it off when a laughing classmate grilled me on it. The point is that instant made me a better student - to this day I leave my cell phone in the car, which probably makes me pay about 500% more attention in class. So I guess what I'm saying is I hope the young players on this team are embarrassed, because that's the best way to not let this kind of poor performance happen again. I'd love to hear your most embarrassing moment of all-time in the comments section - it's only fair after sharing my epic one with you.

It's official - the offensive play calling, at times, is getting down right ridiculous. Sometimes the easy boring path is the way to go. Just like how you don't ask your pilot to do anything crazy other than land the plane, the uneventful route is at times the 100% right way to go. We get it - it was a dynamite moment in Phins history to bring a formation into the NFL that was so genius, not only every NFL team uses it, but most NCAA teams as well. That's done - that's the past. The "too cute" stuff started when we drafted Pat White with a pick we almost certainly should have invested in a position of dire need - such as wide receiver (have you heard? our wide receivers...not do bueno). I give them a pass for that pick - draft picks are done - can't change them now. Ridiculous 1st and Goal Ricky Williams half-back passes into the middle of the field to an unproven tight end though, I take issue with. I'm not one to question play calling much - it's tricky - and I love a team that takes chances. I am one, however, to take to task a coaching decision that went against all reason and logic. When you pay $155 million for an offensive line - and your running back has methodically gained chunks of yards to start a drive - you DO NOT make that call. Maybe you make that call in a totally different situation, and game, but not against a defense you obviously can manipulate however you want. You have a fullback playing out of his mind that's about 99% guaranteed to get you 3 yards every time you feed him the ball. You have a running back that rarely gets you negative yardage on the goal line - and has scored double digit touchdowns this season - mainly in conventional fashion. You have a QB that is fully capable of rolling out and looking for a play action high percentage short toss, and has proven reliable if the right move is to throw it away. What you don't have is Tim Tebow and his signature ridiculous jump pass wearing number 34. THAT was the game changer - we scored the next time we got the ball. It would have been 14-0 if you just play the game without trying to put a bow and high heels on it - and from that moment on I knew we were in trouble. Once again - here's hoping a lesson was learned - we don't need to reinvent the wheel....or the redzone offense - we just need to get points when we have a chance. Because our defense? Not so clutch in a tight 4th quarter game. 49-0 in the last three in the fourth quarters. That stat makes sick.

Do you believe in miracles? Yes!! I do - in sports they happen every year. Call it Cinderella. Call it the improbable underdog. Call it whatever you want. Being a Marlins fan, I subscribe to the "just get to the big show and see what happens" thinking. Last year we went on a big time late season run - why can't we do the same this year? Last year the Cardinals finished the season 9-7, and in the last few games were losing by an average of what seemed like 100. Last year we got in - that's all you can ask. Jets fans on the radio in the offseason made fun of the fact that we got booted in the first game. But we had something they didn't - a ticket to the lottery that is the NFL playoffs. Just like how you can't win the Powerball if you don't buy a ticket, you can't win the Super Bowl if you don't have a game in mid January and beyond. Somehow, someway, sneak in. It might not always be pretty - but neither is watching your best friend make out with a girl you want but never approached. In 2007 it was VERY obvious we had about as good a chance at a Super Bowl run as the Miami Caliente' - because neither squad was selling any playoff tickets that year. I still couldn't find it in me to go with the "lets tank the games to get a higher pick" thinking. As much as I might have let it creep into my mind - when toe met leather I craved a Phins win, meaningless or not. So keep winning Miami - put your name in the raffle - you can't win if you don't play. In a world where this married this - anything is possible.

Random stuff in closing :

- Last straw....They asked Matt Millen what makes a great wide receiver. That's it....I'm convinced HE pays THEM to be on TV. He has naked pictures of someone - only logical explanation.

- I went to the Heat game at 6pm after the Phins loss with a couple of great college buddies of mine - one of which I hadn't seen in half a decade. It seemed like the majority of fans at the game were wearing Phins gear - and they all had the same look on their face. It was like we all were walking to the parking lot from a wake. Just a bunch of people walking looking at the ground numb to their surroundings. Once inside though - the $17 crown and cokes seemed to raise the spirits. Big shout out to my boy Nando for that last beer before they stopped selling at the 4th quarter - that really hit the spot.

- Everyone is all up in arms because Tony Sparano had a "Les Miles clock management moment" and tried to call timeout after that INT before half - no harm no foul. I know what happened - he was SHOCKED we made a play there. It seems like every single hurry up drive an opponent has had this year either ended in a glorious TD for them - or on a 4th and goal at our 5. It all seemed to start with my infamous "what can happen in 8 seconds" comment against Indy - 40 yard pass - out of bounds - FG.....that's what. Looking back on that game, I'm just glad Peyton didn't throw a TD to some undrafted WR...then onside kick it himself with one second left.....recover it...and run in for another score himself.

- I wont harp on it, because it's obviously retarded, but is our late game 2 minute go to formation REALLY Pat White 2 yard runs? THAT IS WHEN we want him in? THAT IS why we drafted him? Speechless. Imagine if the pick after Pat White was Sean Smith - and we missed out on him. I looked back at the 2nd round from the last draft - amazingly not much stuck out to me. The pick being free....and us getting Smith in the same round.....is the only thing that is keeping that pick from being a reoccurring nightmare that haunts me at night like a Steven King flick.

How is it possible that this man walks around the locker room - and we decide he shouldn't be one of the guys that plays regularly? KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID!! Do YOU want to have a ball THIS man wants? Do YOU want to be the person with the chore of getting in front of him....instead of doing the logical thing your mind tells you...which is run....FAST....AWAY? He...makes plays. He....was probably one of the greatest pickups this regime has made. 8 other teams wanted him....and he picked us. When I have a child...I would totally feel safe having him play the role of Denzel Washington in the movie "Man on Fire." This is the kind of man you create in Madden, and he actually exists...and judging by this picture you DO NOT want to make him angry. They say he can't stop the run....I say SHEN..AN...IG.....ANS! He can stop a speeding bullet with his taint....I'm sure of it. This dude looks like he could stop a train with his jock strap wrapped around his bicep. Enough. PLAY THE EARTH-WAKE Cameron Wake...and play him often.

Do you know who this dude is? This is the dude who comes up when you google search "Jason Allen." His name is actually Jason Alexander....and he is the dude who married Brittany Spears for those like 36 hours. That is what he is known for. The sad part is - that alone makes him more relevant than Mrs. Allen. I wanted to write something on how Jason Allen making special teams tackles just makes it worse than if he was gone....but I think the fact that Mr. Alexander comes up before him on google....speaks for itself. Seriously.....what...was......Saban.....doing?! Add to the matter....I remember Jason Allen was actually hurt pretty bad when we drafted him. All because Saban always liked him since the day he picked Tennessee over LSU....and "was familiar with his SEC suckass". This marks probably the last time I ever mention the meaningless Jason Allen....so to Jason I ask one final question before we part ways....

This week I leave you with pictures of someone we need to recognize. A fine young lady I feel will go down as the finest Miami Cheerleader of all-time. She is an ex-FSU cowgirl/classmate, and quite possibly one of the few women in the world I would totally run away to Iraq with.....none other than the glorious Fabiola...this should cheer you up...enjoy..and as always....thanks for reading.

Yup....I feel better.

Inside the Mind of Rzayo24: Thanksgiving Edition

Rzayo24 — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:47:35 -0000

Yeah, yeah - I know - I'm sorry I've been busy! If it makes you feel better - I seriously considered dropping out of school for this site - figured I could live in the McDonald's play house and get free Wi-Fi. It feels good to be back - and it feels even better to be back to .500. The winning streak is sweet as hell - but the injuries are concerning. At this point I'm scared Matty might pull a hammy making his predictions post this week. Stay hydrated, Matthew.

First of all - I would like to wish everyone here at The Phinsider a Happy Thanksgiving!

This site is pretty remarkable - it's become a family. I'm thankful this site has made me twice the Phins fan I once was. Being able to share thoughts, ideas, and opinions with a such a varied community of die hard Phins fans has incredibly ,somehow, made my love for the team grow. What's something if you can't share it, right? That's what I'm thankful for today - a place where I can share my favorite team's success. So I hope you enjoyed your day - and thank you for being a member of this family.

So Matt Roth is toast, huh? I can't agree with that - as much as he pissed me off with his 90210 groin. It's hard to find guys like him - total nutcases. That's the ideal football player - a guy that borderline scares his own teammates. I always pictured Matt Roth as that dude that started playing football just because his parents needed a way to make him tired. I can still remember being excited that he fell to the Phins - the same year we drafted Ronnie. Some draft boards had him going in the first round - and all I knew was his style of play reminded me of the movie American Psycho. He never really made a huge impact - and he is about to demand money he isn't worth, most likely. This regime already gave a borderline holdover player, in Channing, a new contract - and so far I bet they wish they gave that money to Andre Goodman or Renaldo Hill. Leave it to this regime to give you good news with the bad though - I have a feeling this Ikaika Alama-Francis dude could be one hell diamond in the rough. Big strong Hawaiian dudes are near the top of the list of guys you don't want to piss off at a bar. Those guys are right up there with overweight red-necks and bikers. He was drafted two spots ahead of the legend that is Samson Satele - and the way my mind works, we now got him for Wes Welker. Every time I see Wes Welker break off a big punt return - I pop a tums - makes me sick to my stomach. So we wave good-bye to another wasted 2nd-round pick - baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa byeeeeeeee 2nd round pick!

Matt Millen may just be the most ridiculous, least credible, jackass "expert" ever put in front of us on TV. I counted four times he said "Miami needs the Ricky Williams of New Orleans." In the spirit of his stupidity - I have created a Top Ten list of things Matt Millen thinks Miami needs more of. Enjoy:

10) Reverses designed for Chad Henne.

9) More Eddie Moore like durability on this team.

8) Injuries to the Offensive Line.

7) Celebrity Owners.

6) This song.

5) Weather similar to Hurricane Andrew.

4) Middle of the year Pre-season. Premeditated Preseason he says.

3) 1st round picks used on defense only in "Oh shit" situations.

2) Davone Bess electric, worth the price of admission, 5 yard punt returns.

1) Flashes of the Redskins Jason Taylor.

Idiot.

Did anyone else hear about Bill Parcells telling Ricky Williams this story about Elvis before the game on Thursday? During practice this week, Parcells went up to Ricky while he was stretching (doesn't it always seem to happen when dudes are stretching?) and told him about the first time Elvis went to Vegas for a live show. Parcells said Elvis was boo'd out of the place and didnt come back for years. Parcells left the story there - open ended. Ricky was like "Well what happened?" (It's hilarious Ricky actually needed to ask that question). Parcells said he came back and sold out a still record 848 shows in a row. You can pretty much figure out where he was going with that.

Well - I'm sold. I thought it would take a lot longer to convince me this dude was legit - but I'm drinking the officall kool-aid as we speak. I broke the seal - can't return it now. I refused to just trust him - the last future QB jaded me real bad. The fact that just a handful of times I have given thought to the fact that we lost our 2008 MVP runner-up QB early in the season is enough proof that this kid has done a heck of a job in his first shot at leading this team. He made rookie mistakes early - and it seems like "The Robot" just downloaded those errors - printed the right moves in those situations out of his stomach - and made the right play next time around. He makes the smart plays CP10 made - but has the talent to make the big throw an average QB isn't capable of. Early on I constantly was worried about having an inexperienced QB under center - not anymore. Over at Finsnation, they posted this picture of a fan at the Carolina game wearing a Henne "The Robot" jersey. How badass is it that we have a QB with the nickname "Robot"? Thanks to Finsnation for that - that's freakin' superb! Love the kid's arm. Love the kid's demeanor. Love the kid's "Marino like" laser death eyes when you screw something up. I'm not ready to say this is the guy that will win a Super Bowl for Miami - but I'm finally ready to admit that I can say with 100% confidence we have a guy capable of it in the future. The fact that I don't feel like I'm lying to myself when I say that - tells me it's time to go out and get a "#7 The Robot" jersey this Holiday season. Today - when the family asks you at the dinner table what your thankful for - just give them a blank look and say "The Robot." Don't answer any questions - and don't talk again the rest of the day.

LOUSAKA MONSTER FACTS

- The Lousaka Monster is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer

- Lousaka Monster once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

- When The Lousaka Monster has surgery, the anesthesia is applied to the doctors

- The Lousaka Monster frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

- Lousaka Monster only masturbates to pictures of The Lousaka Monster.

- The Lousaka Monster doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

- When you open a can of whoop-ass, The Lousaka Monster jumps out.

- The Lousaka Monster can piss into gale force winds

- The Lousaka Monster once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When another team's fans come in here - a lot of bold statements are normally made. This year we heard all about how terrific Mark Sanchez is - last year it was an earful of Trent Edwards hype. I remember numerous Bills fans trying to convince us he was "Tom Brady like." They kept telling us he had all these 4th quarter comebacks - and he was going to be a Pro Bowl QB soon enough. Well this week - he backs up a journeyman QB out of Harvard. I can't really blame fans for being high on a player - but damn keep it realistic, people. You don't just go throwing around comparisons to Hall of Famers like that. I first learned that when the Heat drafted "Baby Jordan" when I was a kid. Once he was done sucking - my Knicks fan friends never let me hear the end of it. Every time I took a shot playing pickup ball, they yelled "Oh! Baby Jordan!!!" I can't put my finger on who said it - but I remember someone comparing John Beck to Steve Young. Whoever you are - if your reading this - turn yourself in. It's was probably the same people that questioned if Pat White had moved ahead of Chad Henne on the depth chart this preseason. So as much as I want to say Chad Henne reminds me of Big Ben - I won't. Like Parcells says, "Don't crown him yet."

On this Thanksgiving...I leave you with what else? The epic 1993 Leon Lett game. Great watch.

Inside The Mind of Rzayo24: The Ted Ginn Jr. Post

Rzayo24 — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:35:16 -0000

My day started with making a joke that at this point Chad Pennington could tackle Ted Ginn Jr. - and it ended with me wondering where THIS guy has been all my life. I wouldn't say anyone owes Ted Ginn Jr. and apology or anything - but a fruit basket wouldn't hurt. It's all in the kid's head - he's got the talent to be in this league. To show my thanks and regret for giving him so much crap, I dedicate this entire post to him - #19. Now you make some runs after catches like you did on those returns and we are talking entire web sites devoted to you. Not ones that have "suck" or "blows" after your name - real fan sites and stuff. So this won't be your normal ITM - this is an offering to the return God's - also known as the Ginn family.

First - a song dedicated to my Teddy Bear.

And now a reenactment of Sunday - a time line if you will.....

Bench me? I'll show you.... (darts up the field).....

Arghhhhhhhhh - BAM! I'll kick it...then make the tackle MYSELF! Wait 'till I talk about this on First Take - I'm going to spike my hair REALLY good that day. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Bench PRESS!!! SQUATS! MUSCLE MILK!!!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahhaha!!! New....York....Jets bitches. Tell a friend.

Sigh (Catches the ball) Let's try this again...This is why I frown so much.....Kickers tackling me...this is an all-time new low for me...did I leave my stove on? Did someone in the crowd just say Dolphins suck? Why are they so mean? I do my best...i do my best...i do my best.......(sprints up field at half speed and closes eyes falling ass first into the 20).

(Crunch!) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA.....Kicker!!!.....First Take!!!!.....Spikey hair!!!!!! @Jay_Feely!!!! CURLS!!! PULL-UPS!!!!!! LEG PRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

O.....M.....F.....G........New York Jets - might as well go ahead and take our ring sizes.

...Here...go ahead

(Chants of J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS) Ted Ginn Jr. is the next Jerry Rice. When he plays football - hummingbirds screw and sunflowers fall from the sky. If only we had 53 Ted Ginn Jr.s - that guy is going places. (Waits for everyone to get that he's a huge asshole) (Smirks)

Hey Bart - har har - look at my ring, dog. Pretty swag, huh?

That doesn't really make any sense coach - but your my guy - so sure.

And your my little black bear, aren't you? Aren't you? Say it.....CMON.....say it before you hit the field.

Ohh. OK - I'm your little black bear.

I am so turned on right now - SO TURNED ON!

Teeeeeeeeeddddddddyyyyyy.....

Brutus? Brutus Buckeye?! WTF are you doing here?

Golly , Teddy - I just want to say YOU ARE still that little Teddy Jr. - you can do it - I believe in you. Don't sweat the hate - return a touchdown and celebrate.

I dunno - just so many haters down here. I've been hated from the minute I was drafted - my heads all messed up. They act like it's my fault Cam Cam took me as the #9 pick - even I would have taken myself lower.

Leave me out of this, Teddy.

For the record - you screwed me too. I'm in HELL!

OK - nothing we can do about that now guys. Listen, remember the time you came to my room upset and said they wanted to switch you to WR? Do you remember what I told you?

You said every flower needs a few stormy days to grow - then we kissed.

Exactly! Keep your head up! On the next return, you go out with fire in your eyes - take a cue from Matt Roth.

Pizza.

OK - you're right - I'll show that, Feely. You know he once slapped the soap out of my hand in the shower - then just looked at me and said "Make a move, FISH."

Messed.

Do you have his cell?

True story - I saw it go down.

He is a little - Mehhhhhhh.

Can I play with your car keys?

Enough! Unleash the power of the Buckeye!!!!

(Locker room fills with smoke.....out comes confident Ted Ginn Jr. )

Shit! RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

Juke your ass - stiff arm you - turn it onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Look at me, Brutus!! I'm doing it!!! Just like old times! Hahahahahahahaha!!! Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh haters - Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Oh! This isn't extra mayo!

Now AGAIN, Teddy!! AGAIN!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Holy SH#%!!!!!

What?!!?! This is all the fans fault....they should have checked their messages this week.

I did it, Brutus! I shook off the haters!! I'm BACK! Ughh - I blacked out.

Adda boy, Teddy - I knew you had it in you.

Gimmick.

Smell my thumb.

This has been a "Suck it, haters" public service announcement - paid for by the Ted Ginn Jr. family.

For everything that has been said about this man - when he gets going there is maybe a handful of players in the league that can do what he does. I think I have it figured out - so hear me out. Ted Ginn Jr. is no Ferrari - he doesn't get from 0-60 in 5 seconds, he needs a running start. He has scored on numerous reverses, he has scored on multiple returns, and when he gets going on a deep route - he WILL be open EVENTUALLY. Not only that - but WHEN he gets open he STAYS open. I'm the biggest fan of CP10 - but he didn't mix well with Teddy at all. It's 100% true his arm costs Ginn multiple TD's - it just is. How many times can you remember Ginn being wide open - then having to drift back into the corner he smoked to try to make a catch he isn't physical enough to come up with? This isn't to say he is a good WR - but he is what he is - a deep threat. Do you see Devin Hester being physical and breaking tackles? No. When he's effective he is hit in stride - either on a slant - or on a bomb. If this team had Andre Johnson - Ted Ginn Jr. would be a dynamic player - if only running fly routes every play. This isn't me backtracking on how I feel about Ginn - this is me pointing to the facts and saying "Let him do what he does best." Use his strengths, put him in positions where he is going a million miles an hour - and defenders are turtles in a race with a Cheetah. It's proven at this point - Ted Ginn Jr. is a car that needs to be warmed up - so warm his ass up first and enjoy the show.

Remember this game? It's the best I can remember Ted Ginn Jr. looking. First play - deep. Slants on the run. Everything we could do to get him in the game that day. 11 catches and 175 yards - thats a #1 WR for you. Once again - use him for what he's worth. Running 10 yard outs does nothing to utilize his skills - let's hope we see more games like this from Ted in the future.

Does it get better than this? Wind it back to where Ted Ginn Jr. breaks the last tackle - listen to the sound that Phins fan makes. That's the exact sound you made - it's the only sound audible at that moment. Look at all the Jets fans yelling "Fumble...Fumble!!....."- then it tails off. It tails off like someone waiting for two cars to collide at an intersection - its pure horror in their eyes. I love the one guy standing at the end with his arms in the air - that's a tremendous clutch performance on his part. Don't point at anyone - just look around and take it all in. Checkout how the video ends - it's like the ending of Blair Witch. I wonder what happened after the camera cut! I would be running up and down the aisles catching the beer being thrown at me in my mouth. Hell yea - in your house.

Ted Ginn Jr. can throw the football - probably better than Cleo Lemon ever did. I remember reading about how he played QB in high school sometimes - and could have played at 90% of the big time schools as a QB. With EVERYONE ELSE having a Wildcat package - why not give him a look? This week would be the perfect time to pretend like we want to give him a reverse look - then let him unleash a deep bomb to a wide open Hartline. If you can waste a few plays every game on force feeding Pat White a few useless plays - you can give these a shot. The kid is talented - give it a go.

Random Rapid Fire in Closing:

- Vontae Davis has caught Sean Smith in my book - they are equally the balls now.

- I don't want the Jets to stop talking anymore - I encourage it. Now random people that cover sports in the media, and neutral fans - can totally see why we hate them so much. Mark my words - this Jets regime will crash and burn like none other. After a while they will realize they are what they are - mediocre. Their best players are old - and they will stick with them due to money issues longer than they should. They traded away a lot to get a quarterback that has never played in bad weather - and it shows. Rex Ryan is the kind of guy that will fail HARD and PUBLICLY. He won't sugar coat it - and he will say stuff that will totally embarrass the franchise when they suck even worse towards the end of his time there. It's 3 in a row against them now - and it's set up for us owning their asses for years to come. No matter what happens the rest of the season - we ruined the Jets chances at being a top contender. Just because of us - now they have to scratch and claw just to make the playoffs. This is a team that people wanted to crown AFC Champs just 3 weeks ago - hilarious.

- Way to make a big deal about your new stadium, New York - I didn't even know it was in the works until last week. Maybe I was living in a hole - or maybe you do a shitty job of marketing your team. I also read they had to cut the new stadium's ticket prices in half already - because they don't want the same problems the New York Yankees had selling tickets. So the next time your friend from New York says Miami fans are fake - ask him how many Jets games he's been to in his life.

- Pat White ain't alright. He comes in - it's a run - everybody knows it. It's about time he starts practicing running routes, before he becomes useless in the NFL. All I hear is he sucks in practice, all I see is tip toe and fall for -2 yards - his body language makes Ted Ginn Jr. look like Biff from back to the future.

- Fast..."What if" game. "What if" we beat Indy and the Saints like we should have? Forget it - we don't play that game. Let the Jets talk about hypotheticals.

- I am so damn glad we didn't sign Calvin Pace - we already have him, his name is Channing Crowder. Big talk - small game. Reggie Torbor was actually making the tackle - not flinging himself towards a dead play. He didn't have to tell people who he was before or after either. I want to like Channing - I really do. I just have ZERO confidence in him making a big time play at a big time moment in a game. Too many times Ive seen him be the sheep to an opponents wolf - and not really even fight that much to switch roles. Torbor hit gaps solid - he was the first in on a play numerous times. He made me realize he was in the game more - what more can you ask for? Don't forget - he was a free agent signing - not some loser off the street. That tells me this regime saw something they liked. I saw something I liked Sunday.

- Upon further review - while pretending to work today - I was hoping we didn't sign Chris Chambers. I however think the fact that so many posts went up begging for us to sign him shows just how bad our WR's are. I mean bad as a WHOLE - not individually. Is Brian Hartline good? Yes - I really like him. He is just as good as any other team's #3. Is DBess a good slot man? Top 5 in the league - and I don't feel that's an exaggeration at all. He's sure handed - and he's a hard ass worker that gets it - and he is as cheap a player as you will find since he was undrafted. Camarillo? Not a fan - I'm sorry. 4th or 5th WR that covers punts? Anyday. Starting WR on a team that has any chance to make a serious playoff run? No....friggin'....way. I never called for Ted Ginn Jr. to get benched - I just hated him - I still think he's as good as we got. Unfortunately - that's like saying male strippers are as good as you got at your bachelor party. The Chambers pick was used on Chad Henne - yeah, nice to have real football people running this team finally.

Second in the NFL in INT's - and eating hot dogs on the sidelines - "Sanchise". Keep up the good work, Jets scouting department.

I leave you this week with a clip from the newest South Park - an episode where the Japanese kill the Phins. I was texted "The Japanese just killed the Dolphins." I had no idea what to think - or how to respond to that. Once I found out the details - and saw this clip - I was laughing my ass off.

Inside The Mind of Rzayo24: Half-Baked

Rzayo24 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 22:37:30 -0000

That was pretty crappy - I ain't gonna lie. It's been a couple of days now - I think I can safely watch SportsCenter again. That Sean Payton interview can totally suck my balls - I'd rather watch the Jets/Raiders highlights. It was a tale of two halves. One that was amazing and one that made me want to kill myself. The late touchdown before the half felt like it was worth 40 points - I've never in my life hated being up two touchdowns more. But hey, at least we get the ball - SHENANIGANS!! If I told you I'd promise to cheer you up, would you read on? No? What - what do you want me to do then? No - I'm not doing it. I refuse to embarrass myself for your pathetic sick enjoyment any longer. Ughh - OK one more time - after the jump.

Deleted - Dolphinsbuffalo REQ.

( Nope....Not gonna )

Who the hell wants to hear the billionth blogger on this site go into why we lost yesterday - not even I want to hear myself explain it. In a phrase, "We crapped in our pants" when in a situation good teams are used to. It reminded me of all those 90's Buffalo games - where you just knew somehow we would let them back in the game. In the live-blog as we drove down the field towards the end of the 1st half (Up freakin' 24-3) I said - "Let's just not do anything to get ourselves in trouble here. Be smart. Get a FG or run out the clock." Like I said - I refuse to go into what I think we should have or could have done - but what I will say is sometimes less is more. There is a reason GREED is one of "seven deadly sins." That first half was probably the best half of Miami Dolphins football I have ever seen - it was mesmerizing. There is a scale to my celebration after good Phins play - and that first half was in the red, nearing the first ever non-touching myself orgasm. Fins were DEFINITELY up in my pants - at one point I was just standing there naked giggling after touchdowns pouring Doritos all over my body - then coming back to the live blog to type nonsense in glee. Listen - I've said this before - no one feels sorry for you in life - and more so in the NFL. We as fans - and more importantly the team - need to take the good from Sunday and move on. Good teams lose games like this and come back like rabid animals even the Discovery Channel doesn't understand - let's do that shit - not whimper like a lost puppy. We all KNOW who sucks - I get sleep at night knowing and so does the front office. If you don't think they realize who sucks - you're kidding yourself. My best advice is to pull up your big boy pants - never let them see you sweat - and brush your shoulders off.

HEY NATHAN JONES!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JR9ZPSeDTH8

Mehhh....I gave up on working this video in....so just trust me....it'll make you feel A LOT better.

http://www.miamidolphins.com/aquavision/video/missy-0

At first I was a little disappointed we played the Jets again SO SOON - but now I'm thinking it's exactly what the doctor ordered. What better team to play to totally get our mind off a tough loss? The last two times we have played these Jets - we have kicked the pedestal out from under them as they tried to put that star on the top of their "We are world beaters" Christmas tree. You know the games - last game of last season for the title and a few weeks ago when they felt they were in a different class. Just 24 hours after a 38-0 scrimmage win over the Raiders, their fans are already loud and proud on the South Florida radio stations again - some people just never learn from failure. You would think after the last game they would have given us our due respect - learned that games are won on the field - not with microphones in your face. Nope - they still have diarrhea of the mouth. They called a QB that just burned them a "clown." They called the Wildcat they couldn't come close to stopping a gimmick that doesn't belong in the NFL. They say they embarrassed THEMSELVES - and THEY made us look great. That's all fine and dandy - because I'm glad we play them this week - who better to take out a little frustration against? A win would make us 3-0 in the division - and seal the head to head tiebreaker if it matters down the road. Now they come in missing maybe their best player from each side of the ball - maybe it's Leon Washington's leg - but I smell blood.

Old my ASS. THAT is the JT I know - and love (more than friends). Don't let the loss lessen your excitement about that box of porn labeled #99 - that's a baaaaaaaaad man. Both sacks forced fumbles - even on hurries he looked like a defensive MVP again. Unlike Joey Porter lately, JT smells when the team needs a play. The Redskins must be pissing themselves - we fleeced their asses. Granted we wasted their pick on Pat White - who I have ZERO confidence in taking a snap - but I'll take something for free any day. Sexy as all get out - JT is my favorite defensive Phin of all-time. Every time he makes a play, I thank my lucky stars we got a chance to root for him again - it nearly ended in a much different way. Whatever happens from here on out - we again got a chance to cheer for a guy we will be honoring for years to come - and I get to look into his dreamy eyes while I think about his bald head again.

Am I the only person that still has "I can't believe Ricky Williams is back" thoughts? It's a feeling I can't even explain - it's like marrying and deeply loving a girlfriend that in High School cheated on me with my best friend. I don't know how much you hated Ricky at the time he quit - but I hated him as much as you can hate someone you don't know. I still can remember to this day waking up for my 6am job - logging on to check my email before I jetted out the door - and reading the headline "Williams Quits Football." The 3 seconds It took to load the page were the longest seconds of my life. I thought to myself "OMFG - please let it be like Roy Williams or something." When the nightmare was confirmed I woke up my roommate and told him the hideous news. When I got home later in the day we took my Ricky bobblehead - placed it on the deck by our pool - and went upstairs to shoot it with a paintball gun. I know MULTIPLE people that burned his jersey. I cursed him anytime he was interviewed or tried to explain himself. I hated his ass. Now even without the dreads - that #34 just does something to me when it gets going. You know a dude is fast when the numbers on the field go by faster than you can make them out. I'll admit - I gave up on Ricky - and I'm not proud of it. It's like my first year at FSU again (2002) - watching JT and Ricky star for us.

WTF is Boomer Esiason's effin' problem? I will shove his game sheet directly up his corn hole if he doesn't STFU. This Sunday I watched the CBS halftime show - something I normally don't do because of this exact thing. Boomer kept talking over Dan's highlights - finally Dan said "Can someone get him out of here? Get your own highlight!" He said it in that way you know he really means - "Eat a bag of dicks, Boomer." Right after all this happened - Dan was to call a short TD run - all the sudden Boomer chimes in "and he takes it in for the score!" - all loud. Dan was silent. Silent like ninja ready to jump through a window into your face. First of all - only complete ASSHOLES have the nickname "Boomer" - and even bigger assholes actually go by it daily. I believe that's his real name - which makes his father an asshole - and him a pussy. I'm callin' you out, Boomer - when I'm done with you it will be like throwing a hot dog down an hallway when you go to take a shit. You mess with Football Jesus - you get the horns. Let's not forget who we are talking about here - not exactly Joe Montana. Boomer has as many Super Bowls as Dan - so he can't talk about what it takes to win anything. Dan deserves a better show - I wish he would join the NFL Network or something. Less people might see it now - but most of those guys are professionals and treat each other and the game with the respect it deserves. Until then - we wait for Dan to SNAP!

Random Rapid Fire in closing -

- Bob Griese. Made a 3rd grade joke. Said I'm sorry. It's not like he had sex with a male cameraman in a bathroom. Leave him alone - you've said worse.

- Speaking of the Griese's - Brian Griese sounds EXACTLY like his dad. Ethan Skolnick said the same thing on his Twitter - he was fooled until halftime. It's almost creepy how similar they sound.

- I bet the over in the Phins game - I normally don't touch their games - because my heart talksm not my head. I just KNEW we would score on them - everyone has basically. I also was pretty confident they would score at least 25+. It was 48. I nearly bet them -7 - which was in reach with 1 play left in garbage time. The "not set" penalty ended the game - and I've already heard gamblers pissed on the radio. That's why you don't bet on your team.

- American Idol winner Chris Allen performed before the game - I know of 4 girls that went just for that. Looks like Ross isn't as dumb as I thought - he knows how to put asses in seats.

- Who the bleep watches Pro Wrestling these days - show yourself. It's fake - your a loser. Think about what your doing - your watching oiled up buff dudes act out a play on top each other. There is NO SPORT - it's all bullshit. NASCAR and golf are as far as I venture from the norm myself - a random Florida Panthers game if I'm feeling like just getting drunk and yelling random things in public. It's not like I don't get it - I loved it when I was a kid. I also loved my BMX bike and trading Donruss baseball cards - but you don't see me doing that anymore. GOOD GOD - get a life!

- Yeaaaaa - Basketball season. Yeaaaaa - more depression. Yeaaaaaa - the Heat pay Jermaine O'Neal $23 million a year to grab 2 rebounds in 23 minutes. Yeaaaa - first round exits to the Atlanta Hawks!

- I'd like to see SHAQ vs. Brock Lesnar. It would be like watching a fight between the bad guys in a 1990's Nintendo game. Lesnar would actually be the small dude - can you imagine that? It would be like watching a Polar Bear fighting a Crocodile on 2 ft - shit would BLOW your mind.

So in closing - give me credit - I kept it pretty positive. It's not like I went down the roster going.....

In reality, we are all a group of greedy, whiny little girls with a broken heart - we SHOULD expect there to be growing pains. What do we expect from these people? They revamped the entire team as fast as any organization EVER has - we were the worst team in the NFL 18 months ago. Look at the future they set for us - an entire new offensive line - that has provided the NFL's #1 Rushing Attack thus far this season - and in my opinion is Super Bowl caliber in attitudede and talent. A franchise QB. Bookend future Pro Bowl corners. A slot WR any team would start tomorrow - for free. A solid kicking game for years to come. Last but not least - an excitement to Sundays that was dying slowly in this area. The fact that we EXPECTED to have that lead - and hold that lead - against a team like the 2009 Saints is the story in itself. These Saints play the 2007 Phins - and It's cirque de Brees until Sean Payton decided he wanted to go home. This team is an ass kicking robot in the making - being tested every Sunday by the nutty professor. I see the vision - and it's sick as shit. You know it - I know it - Matty knows it - Gang Green knows it - even new owner Fergie knows it. (OMFG...Fergie....owns.....some Dolphins.....think about how unfair that it is....anyway). If you're too damn impatient to let the damn Cha-Cha-Cha Chia grow - then go to Home Depot and pick out a potted plant (AKA go buy a Steelers hat). Relax - guess who's shopping for a HUGE WR in next years draft? WE ARE! Guess who is on most of our mock drafts - "Mount Cody". Right now were just that younger brother letting it all hangout in a fist fight with older siblings - it's just not enough - we're outmatched in too many areas. Give it a minute - I have a feeling this organization will be handing out retaliation ass kickings soon enough.

CB Will Allen will miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL, sources say

Rzayo24 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:08:55 -0000

CB Will Allen will miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL, sources say

@Jeff_Darlington.

Article link: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/breaking-news/story/1299932.html

" I'm picking the Miami Dolphins to beat the New Orleans Saints this weekend"

Rzayo24 — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:04:37 -0000

" I'm picking the Miami Dolphins to beat the New Orleans Saints this weekend"

Big prediction from Mr. Florio at ProFootballTalk.com

Phins "Ground & Pound" Rushing Offense #1 in the NFL

Rzayo24 — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:08:44 -0000

Phins "Ground & Pound" Rushing Offense #1 in the NFL

Miami Dolphins - 183 attempts - 885 yards - 4.8 yrds/att
Dallas Cowboys - 136 attempts - 805 yards - 5.9 yrds/att
New York Giants - 180 attempts - 802 yards - 4.5 yrds/att
Denver Broncos - 152 attempts - 695 yards - 4.6 yrds/att
Baltimore Ravens - 136 attempts - 668 yards - 4.9 yrds/att

AFC's Best RB

Rzayo24 — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:03:35 -0000

AFC's Best RB

Inside the Mind of Rzayo24: Who's house? Our house!

Rzayo24 — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 01:45:44 -0000

Ladies and gentlemen - I'm glad I am typing this - because I have no voice on this fine Tuesday. My vocal cords feel damaged; my body feels like I played. I'm sitting here home on a "Victory Tuesday" - because I knew I needed to take a few vacation days after that game. I got home at around 1am - and I fell asleep at 6am - laying in bed reliving all the highlights in my head. Instead of having to avoid anything NFL highlight related, I would guess I have now seen the game highlights over 50 times on ESPN. Five fourth quarter lead changes nearly gave me a heart attack - but watching Ronnie dive into my endzone with seconds left gave me an orange orgasm. I won't diddle daddle around here - let's just get this baby rolling - like a Ricky Williams screen.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta - my hands are in my pants right now just thinking about last night. We let them talk all season; we just waited quietly. We let them tell us how big their penis was all year - and on Monday night we cut that crap off Lorena Bobbitt style. I hope your cocky asses wrote your name into this year's Super Bowl with a pencil - whoops! Who's house? Our house. Welcome to the Thunder Dome, bitches. In fact - I propose we change the name to "The Thunder Dome." Not only that - I say we keep the "bitches" AND "Welcome" part in the name. That way when biased ass ESPN leads into our MNF game next time, they not only welcome all of America into the Thunder Dome - but they call them a bitch. The Jets brought their own referees. Rex Ryan put his fat hand into a bag-o-tricks on two punts - not enough. Not even Braylon Edwards and his 5-Hour Energy could overcome a hungry Phins team last night. SOMEHOW we overcame Mark Sanchez's 50% passing, 170 yard Joe Namath like night - somehow. I know most of you were not there - but I want you to just imagine the looks on those Jets fans faces walking out of the stadium last night. Cheers of J-E-T-S entering the stadium - were sang by those in orange on the way out. The only difference was that it was the remix - each Dolphin fan's own little personal remix of the chant. On Hispanic Heritage night, I salsa danced my sexy ass all the way into the parking lot. Suckers - serves you right to just blindly trust my linkage. Do you understand where you are right now? My mind! Hungover! DANGER!!!!!

Hey - pop that coochie, baby! Damn! DAMN! Damn! Damn - Chad Henne has my heart, balls, and phone number if he wants that shit now. Chad Henne throws a frickin' laser! Who is this guy - and where has he been all my life? Every time he completed a pass, I drank. Those were the rules. I was so drunk at one point during the game that I saw 3 number sevens and I half expected quarters to start shooting out of the guy's ass in front of me - but no such luck. That pass to Ted Ginn Jr. needed a damn flight plan. Airplanes at Miami International were being held on the runway to let the UFO pass. Talk about losing your big game virginity in the big-time - Jets Monday Night? That's like getting laid for the first time by a room full of Vivid girls. I got what I have been looking for last night from Chad - that "it" factor. He took "it" and shoved it directly into my eyeballs - then we made out for what seemed like days. Ahhhh - dreamy Chad. It's really a stroke of tremendous good fortune that I can keep the "Property of Chad" tattoo on my lower back - really glad I didn't go with "CP10." The man was ON FIRE using play action - it was magical. Sitting in the endzone watching him and ass-hands (aka Ted Ginn) connect right in front of me was like watching Dan Marino mate in my bed. I, from here on out, roll with Chad Henne. If you dropped his balls into the ocean last night, half of South Beach would be underwater today. Hot damn - we got ourselves a quarterback, Miami - and he throws a football like Ron Jeremy screws.

Ted Ginn Jr. - welcome back to the party. Where the hell have you been - we sent your ass for beer WEEKS ago. Just when I want to go all "Celtic's Pride" on you before kickoff so I can be spared of your crappiness - you TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF! I was at the game - and even then I couldn't find him on the field until that play - but oh, what a play it was. It was shocking. The whole stadium skipped a split second to ponder WTF they just saw. I'm serious - the place was in a complete state of shock. That play went away from my endzone - so I had to look up at the jumbo-tron to really get a look at the play unfolding. The camera followed Henne's pass all the way into Teddy's hands. A slow motion event in time - and a huge slap in the all world CB Revis's face. Teddy will most likely return all kickoffs - with Cobbs out for the season now. To me its obvious that Teddy needs to get hit a few times and make a few plays early or he is lost for the game. Teddy returning kicks is going to be fun to watch - if there is one thing he can do well - it's run fast. Welcome back to the damn party, you silly little skinny fast bastard, you - now give me your damn keys so you don't disappear on me again.

What's wrong, NFL - not what you expected? Thought the Wildcat would be done and gone by now? Thought it had about as much staying power as a glass of milk on the beach? Well milk was a bad choice bitches - our shit ain't going anywhere. Our Wildcat is Coke - every other teams' version is that Ritz shit. Other teams dick around with it - and call it goofy names like "Wild Horses." Call that mess "Unicorns Blowing Midgets" for all I care - it's trademarked in the NFL under "Miami," "Dolphins," and "Your Screwed." How stupid does Jaws look when he calls our games? Keep talking mess, Jaws - Wildcat lover Jon Gruden and his firecrotch will slap his balls against your face at the end of every game. When people ask us to stop running the Wildcat - it's like asking me to stop wiping my ass - NO WAY! With #23 just absolutely killin' it, Ricky playing like he's 22, and this expensive wall of men blocking for him - I thought I told you that we won't stop. Eh-eh-eh-eh.

Random "poppin' bottles, banging models" rapid fire in closing:

- O.M.F.G - did anyone else see Pat White almost step on his own foot and fall down on that last drive? I could taste my balls for that split second. It was hilarious - the entire crowd was waving him to the sidelines after each of his plays. We were like "GET OFF THE FIELD!!!" Did it kind of work? Yes. Was that PatCat glory hole experiment worth it right there? NO! Do it in the second quarter. Do it on the second drive. Do not do it with SECONDS LEFT!!! If he fumbles there, I slam my junk into the arm rest of my seat over and over until I pass out and find the cleanup crew stealing my wallet. No more #6. Ney! Not against the Jets on Monday night - that's getting too cute - and it would be about as cute as a plane crash in the Everglades if he fumbled.

- Question - did TV pickup the 1st penalty where the official said the foul in Spanish? That shit happened - did you guys here it?

- Scalpers need to be tamed at games, man. One of them stabbed someone last night at the game. I don't know any of the details - and I don't care. These guys are running up and down I-95 trying to sell you a ticket. As soon as we got out of the car, they surrounded us - and they act all shitty about it if you say you don't want to pay what they are asking. I didn't need tickets this time - so I just told them get lost and it was easy. I have a little note to scalpers: Hey assholes - try standing next to the line of people looking to buy tickets. Maybe get a real job? Maybe buy up a bunch and sell them on the internet - like humans? I don't want pay full price for a ticket from a guy on a bicycle holding a 40oz. Steel Reserve in a paper bag.

- Three tall Jack & Cokes. $60. The 1.75 liter bottle we had during the tailgate bought from ABC liquor - $35. Do I look like your girlfriend, Land Shark Stadium? Then why did you bend me over all last night?

- More concession problems. Chili-cheese nachos at the stadium taste like Hamster shit that has been stored in a Wolf's pussy. Exactly like that, I would imagine.

- Bonus wolf pussy nachos story. I got them - got to my seat - and tasted the disaster I just spent $8 on. My buddy had been gone for awhile - so I put them in his seat. He got back - gave me his beer to hold while he hopped over the aisle into his seat......ASS FIRST INTO the Wolf pussy nachos. I didn't notice at first - then I heard him say "WTF is that?" He shows me his hand - and it looked like he just took a shit and hand wiped his ass. I was laughing so hard that I almost puked. He had a brown chunky stain in his pants the rest of the game. He didn't want to stand up the rest of the game.

- Just to show Jets fans I laugh not only at them - but with them - I will mention a funny moment after DC$'s field goal last night. After the kick we sang our song - and instead of "And when you say Miami - you're talking Super Bowl," he busted out "and when you say Miami - you're talking field goals." Funny is funny - that shit was funny - I don't care.

- I so wanted JT to come up big last night - so I could use a line I made up drunk. You can't spell J-E-T-S.....without mother bleepin' JT. Ohhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

- I want to publicly embarrass a friend who totally bitched out of the game last night. His name is Denes. He paid for the ticket - and at 6pm decided he had "paperwork to do." He didn't even want his money back - so a friend now named "wolf pussy pants" got to go for free. Let's all take a minute to think about what he did - and how he threw away something you out of staters would blow a bowl of herpes for. Children in Somalia would kill for that ticket, Denes - how dare you!

- And in closing...Eat it Gang Green....eat it. Eat it like a bowl of elephant penis covered in Giraffe shit, you cocky big-mouthed know-it-alls.

Let's close this baby out right - with a little celebration. Thanks for reading!