SBNation.com User Blog: SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL

more changes for spade and ducks thoughts

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:33:51 -0000

first off congrats to all the cali teams in making the playoffs...theres a good chance one of the teams is gonna fall flat on their erect dicks and everyone expects that team to be the ducks..we ducks fans are used to people underestimating so blow me...

they will point to the mini 2 game sweep by the wings and hang there scrotum on that...but the ducks coasted IMO and will put forth a good effort on tues. Will they win the series? hard to say cuz the wings are a quality team...but we eeek it by angies protruding nipple in 7 games

now I do have some news although I gave it away already..

I got a new job....IN PALMDALE...which means Ill be moving from vegas to palmdale...

ok ok....enough laughing...fine...keep laughing...just tell me when your done

outside of chronic tacos, crazy autos and this crazy gift store that sells fair food and nazi memorbilia called charlie browns...its kinda victorhell all over again...

spade-in-palmhell!

after toobin on lake mead yesterday

keeping my locs on like a boss..

...getting plowed on fremont and getting cheap fills on friday (50 cent beers!)

...a 30 food truck bonaza at the silverton on saturday

they called it the gangsta cheese melt for some reason had mac n cheese in it..brisket and something else..they had sushi burritos and some other cool shit fusion food whatever that means

...plus other good times in vegas..meeting lesbians...crooked hot bartenders..

arepas from heaven

near the stratosphere tell em spade sent ya

...betting on sports...most shit open 24 hours...bar on every corner....bands playing every nite...

cigar bars

the havana house was a favorite

..visiting every irish, english and german pub/resturant in town...have to wonder why id ever leave such an awesome place...for the desert shithole that is palmdale

well besides leaving a place that has grown me fatter and fucked up my liver and wallet...good reasons in itself..the job is well better...its a pretty big promotion that i just couldnt pass up....

I had a blast though living it up like I only could and Ill miss it...tear....and ill only be 3 hrs away but now knowing all the joints to hit up....Ill have 2 weeks off between jobs so hopefully the ducks for that sake of that at least get past the first round in the meanwhile ill be home all day to watch all hockey all day on this mini-vacation..I also plan to go to watch parties if I can so my fee to attend your stikin party is...well just beer and 2 min fluff job

go ducks and go california....Im coming back ..well if you count palmdale as california cuz well it doesnt feel very cali...but whatever the city is not cali's best effort.

OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTT!

keeping my locs on like a boss..

...getting plowed on fremont and getting cheap fills on friday (50 cent beers!)

...a 30 food truck bonaza at the silverton on saturday

they called it the gangsta cheese melt for some reason had mac n cheese in it..brisket and something else..they had sushi burritos and some other cool shit fusion food whatever that means

...plus other good times in vegas..meeting lesbians...crooked hot bartenders..

arepas from heaven

near the stratosphere tell em spade sent ya

...betting on sports...most shit open 24 hours...bar on every corner....bands playing every nite...

cigar bars

the havana house was a favorite

Poll

spade is an idiot for leaving vegas for palmdale

yes

10 votes

no im a meth head and love Palmdale

15 votes

shut up and be my tour guide in vegas

9 votes

34 votes | Poll has closed

Spade is here to calm your fears

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 16:03:12 -0000

come lay down its gonna be ok

I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm?
Tumbling down the rabbit hole? Ducks fans? Well besides our nuts being halfway up our assholes..it's a huge shit sandwich, and we're all gonna have to take a bite. What the fuck happened to our team, man? Shit,our ass used to be beautiful! I hate to say this, but this losing streak is getting to us. I think we're getting the fear. Give us the strength to be what we were, and forgive what we currently are. We're gonna keep fighting. Is that CLEAR? We're gonna attack Wednesday night, we're gonna attack Friday. If we are not VICTORIOUS, let no man come back alive! So bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes. Cuz then we would have least no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life if the ducks cant pull of this funk. A warm place with no memory.

95% of this was done with quotes from movies...its my coping mechanism...going thru quotes in my head..that and porn and beer

GO DUCKS FUCK REGRESSION!

come lay down its gonna be ok

95% of this was done with quotes from movies...its my coping mechanism...going thru quotes in my head..that and porn and beer

GO DUCKS FUCK REGRESSION!

you say regress I say progress: Ducks-Hawks recap

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 14:24:07 -0000

YAY THE DUCKS WON!

re·gress
[v. ri-gres; n. ree-gres] Show IPA
verb (used without object)
1.to move backward; go back.
2.to revert to an earlier or less advanced state or form.
noun
3.the act of going back; return.
4.the right to go back.
5.backward movement or course; retrogression.

6.a term used by dickless hockey stats nerds to explain when teams lose

prog·ress
[n. prog-res, -ruhs or, esp. British, proh-gres; v. pruh-gres] Show IPA
noun
1.a movement toward a goal or to a further or higher stage: the progress of a student toward a degree.
2.developmental activity in science, technology, etc., especially with reference to the commercial opportunities created thereby or to the promotion of the material well-being of the public through the goods, techniques, or facilities created.
3.advancement in general.
4.growth or development; continuous improvement: He shows progress in his muscular coordination.
5.the development of an individual or society in a direction considered more beneficial than and superior to the previous level.

6.when you get past dry-humping and she takes off her pants.

Ill use bullet points for some bullet thoughts:

First off if your a ducks hater go fuck yourself
if your a transplant hawks fan thank you for the money and haha you had to live in chicago once enjoy being a hypocrite piece of shit and keep giving us money we need to pay corey perry and getzlaf for 8 years
if your a bandwagon hawks fan well then you already fuck yourself cuz your a horrible human being..
souray has made some bad plays lately...2 foul-ups led to goals..once in the sharks game and last nite allowing jonathan TAVES to get a shortie...play smarter souray por favor
although selanne scored with getzlaf (lets hope the ketchup bottle is opened now) when palmeri was put back on the top line it was awesome...he belongs there...
holland good job...after i called u underwhelming..you go score a goal in the last two games..so dude your so underwhelming!...also he actually won face-offs!
7 out of 8 points without the $69mil man...well take that and run with it
speaking of 69......
Mr. whiner media jerking off Kane was a -4....he tried to draw a call in pathetic fashion...Kane you not see cogs lose some teeth with an uncalled high stick..(cogs looked like a vampire who just fed)...you act job wasnt gonna get any play hombre...to his credit he owned it afterwards...as he should he was on the ice for all 4 ducks goals
that sound you heard was Rudy kellys head exploding when Cam fowler was named 2nd star
we rock end of story

YAY THE DUCKS WON!

6.a term used by dickless hockey stats nerds to explain when teams lose

6.when you get past dry-humping and she takes off her pants.

Ill use bullet points for some bullet thoughts:

First off if your a ducks hater go fuck yourself
if your a transplant hawks fan thank you for the money and haha you had to live in chicago once enjoy being a hypocrite piece of shit and keep giving us money we need to pay corey perry and getzlaf for 8 years
if your a bandwagon hawks fan well then you already fuck yourself cuz your a horrible human being..
souray has made some bad plays lately...2 foul-ups led to goals..once in the sharks game and last nite allowing jonathan TAVES to get a shortie...play smarter souray por favor
although selanne scored with getzlaf (lets hope the ketchup bottle is opened now) when palmeri was put back on the top line it was awesome...he belongs there...
holland good job...after i called u underwhelming..you go score a goal in the last two games..so dude your so underwhelming!...also he actually won face-offs!
7 out of 8 points without the $69mil man...well take that and run with it
speaking of 69......
Mr. whiner media jerking off Kane was a -4....he tried to draw a call in pathetic fashion...Kane you not see cogs lose some teeth with an uncalled high stick..(cogs looked like a vampire who just fed)...you act job wasnt gonna get any play hombre...to his credit he owned it afterwards...as he should he was on the ice for all 4 ducks goals
that sound you heard was Rudy kellys head exploding when Cam fowler was named 2nd star
we rock end of story

Poll

What will the haters say now?

youll get knocked out in the first round!

12 votes

I still stand by fenwick or whatever..youll lose all your games now and I have no dick

7 votes

ok i admit im a jealous piece of shit and my team sucks I bow down

2 votes

I hate hatebreed...I hate myself I hate my mom...I hate life...but I wont do the world a favor and go away cuz I'd hate that too

5 votes

26 votes | Poll has closed

Spade mid-season patos grades UPDATED! now with a poll and Cogs!

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 19:17:44 -0000

I am spade...I am anti-stats...anti-corsi..anti PDO..D-O-double G...anti fenwick starwick candlewick...Im too busy getting laid getting drunk...going to court...recovering from hang overs to get too much into stats...I use my eyeballs without DVR DVD's Deeznuts...I am the yang to the stat nerds ying...now im not alone...if kid ish is anything besides young and ignorant on music..hes on my side on this at least...and I welcome anyone else to my army...Ill now have 2 armies...one is alive and combats the evil grammar/spelling nazi army led by surpreme Czar bolshevik Megladon Q. Pennyfeathers.....we shall now gather a second army to conquer the stat freakazoids

enough bullshit anyways...so here's my eyeball...testicle mid season grades:

cuz im a minority and urban i guess...im gonna use that dictionary to describe how all the ducks have performed and give them a letter..i will not be looking up stats..cuz the anti-stats army dont play that homie....and cuz alot of white people read this ill give the definition..(towards the end i just mailed it in)

Matt Beleskey

aight - saying alright but in a hip and ghetto way

ups and downs..but he can play with the twins for the most part...he just cant win fights ..scored some important goals

grade: C+

Nick Bonino

Sweet apple - A shaved vagina

He's just been rock solid and a sweet apple..we missed him in the St. Louis game on the PP especially. Everyone likes a shaved vagina and most ducks fans have been pleasantly surprised with nick bonino.

grade: B+

Emerson Etem

Tweak - Verb. A side effect of extreme over indulgence in crystal meth or crack cocaine.

I mean seriously...hes gotta be on something..ball of energy who creates all kind of havoc...falls all over the place...yet backchecks and makes smarts decisions..hes still a year or two away from being a more constant contributor..needs to harness that raw energy and focus....gotta love his potential

grade: C

Ryan Getzlaf

Sick - crazy, cool, insane

Well let Gunnery Sergeant Hartman take this one: Private Getzlaf, you are definitely born again hard! Hell, I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps.

grade: A+

Peter Holland

Dicktease - A chick who doesn't give it up

This dude tears it up in the minors and plays sub par when he gets here...in his defense he isnt given much time...but has gotten a couple shots on the 2nd line has been underwhelming..

grade: D-/incomplete

Saku Koivu

relicious - When you burp after eating an awesome meal and it tastes good on the way back up.

Solid solid solid...sign next year too please!

grade: B

Patrick Maroon

Rouge Tractor - It is a wild tractor that plows down any skyscrapers in the world by running them over with their massive tires.

The jury is still out but he plays with an edge and can make a play or two..I like him good bottom six guy

grade: C/incomplete

Brandon McMillan

young-asda - just your average boy. loves to stalk bubbly welsh girls. loves rubbing rosary beads and driving to asda. occasionally looks dashing.. also known as spud. loves to ride it bareback.

The jury is still out ~~but he plays with an edge and~~ can make a play or two..I like him good bottom six guy

grade: C/incomplete

Kyle Palmieri

Up and coming - duh

Before getting torre-ezed palmieri was coming into his own...cant complain about his play

grade: B-

Corey Perry

Douchebag - someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker.

Could I describe him any other way?...he's ramping up getting back to his old self..just a little unlucky..king of the crossbar shots...if its your last year with us Perry make it count!

grade: B+

Bobby Ryan

Lego hair - a particularly shitty male haircut in which the sides cover the ears and the hair appears to be "snap on".

I don't know if he really has leggo hair just wanted to use it...hes been pretty good id say

grade: B+

Teemu Selanne

Younes - A beautiful, hot, funny, and intelligent male who loves to drive good cars. Has beautiful eyes and amazing jawbones. Considered to be the perfect husband/boyfriend by girls. Many girls fantasize about Younes and wish they would marry him.

Has slowed down some..but hey its teemu back the fuck off

grade: B

Brad Staubitz

Rough Barn - Something that tends to be annoying or infuriating.

Earl is the only duck fan to defend this guy..why we don't know..waste of a roster space

grade: F

Daniel Winnik

Bro - Obnoxious partying males who are often seen at college parties. When they aren't making an ass of themselves they usually just stand around holding a red plastic cup waiting for something exciting to happen so they can scream something that demonstrates how much they enjoy partying. Nearly everyone in a fraternity is a bro but there are also many bros who are not in a fraternity. They often wear a rugby shirt and a baseball cap. It is not uncommon for them to have spiked hair with frosted tips.
Bros actually chose this name for themselves as they often refer to each other as "bro" even though they are not related.

He's been a pleasant surprise..with the sharks playing brett burns at forward you have to think the sharks miss him..

grade: B

Bryan Allen

Red-headed step child - With red hair being rare, a child born to non red headed parents was often assumed to be the child of an affair. Thus was treated badly, usually in the form of beatings.

Verbally abused by some ducks fans...he's turned it around....and stop taking dumb penalties

grade: C

Francois Beauchemin

bad mamma jamma- A large man capable of whooping your ass easily.

Back to being awesome again 07' style...Bruce on Frankie: Specifically, he's not throwing pucks up the middle and making mistakes. He's managing his ice time better. He's being a real leader. He's 32 years old and coming into his own at this age. Defense-men take longer to develop, and now that we're counting on him, he's come to the forefront and responded.

grade: A

Cam Fowler

Rudy Kelly villan - a person rudy kelly is obsessed with on twitter cuz he hasn't developed as quickly as drew doughty

Yea rudy we get it...fowler isnt drew doughty dickhead..but he's improving and still young...so fuck off

grade: C-

Ben Lovejoy

Decent - Decent

Hes as advertised a bottom pairing dude..youd never want him in your top 4...makes a bonehead play or two...but is decent

grade: C-

Toni Lydman

solid - you can see im getting bored with this

solid and old and out of here next year...still we love you toni

grade: C

Luca Sbisa

Jekell and Hyde - two faced mutha trukka

Id say he's more streaky than anything...he seems to streak longer as good sbisa than bad sbisa

grade: C+

Sheldon Souray

Manwhore - The male equivalent of a slut.

I can now say I told you so to all the naysayers that he was a good risk to take.....with his looks he has to be a manwhore..he's been cockhard solid..

grade: A-

Viktor Fasth

Look at this guy -

Pleasant Pleasant surprise....lets hope he can keep it going

grade: A

Jonas Hiller

Redheaded step child #2 - see above

People keep writing his obituary but hes improving...you go Jonas

grade: B

Andrew Cogilano

Meat Curtains - The long, overly stretched out lips of a p****, sometimes resembling philly cheese steak. Also known as: elephant ears, clappers, mud flaps, pounded cube steak, cube steak patties, dangly gizzard, and last (but not least), the giblet pouch. ED NOTE: they forgot Arby's sandwhich

one of my favorite terms...have you seen cogs lips? anyways...he's been pretty awesome this year..cant believe i forgot him...2nd on the team in goals i think and oh the PK...he could have been red headed step child #3 but not this year...take a bow meat curtains!

grade: A-

enough bullshit anyways...so here's my eyeball...testicle mid season grades:

Matt Beleskey

aight - saying alright but in a hip and ghetto way

ups and downs..but he can play with the twins for the most part...he just cant win fights ..scored some important goals

grade: C+

Nick Bonino

Sweet apple - A shaved vagina

grade: B+

Emerson Etem

Tweak - Verb. A side effect of extreme over indulgence in crystal meth or crack cocaine.

grade: C

Ryan Getzlaf

Sick - crazy, cool, insane

Well let Gunnery Sergeant Hartman take this one: Private Getzlaf, you are definitely born again hard! Hell, I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps.

grade: A+

Peter Holland

Dicktease - A chick who doesn't give it up

This dude tears it up in the minors and plays sub par when he gets here...in his defense he isnt given much time...but has gotten a couple shots on the 2nd line has been underwhelming..

grade: D-/incomplete

Saku Koivu

relicious - When you burp after eating an awesome meal and it tastes good on the way back up.

Solid solid solid...sign next year too please!

grade: B

Patrick Maroon

Rouge Tractor - It is a wild tractor that plows down any skyscrapers in the world by running them over with their massive tires.

The jury is still out but he plays with an edge and can make a play or two..I like him good bottom six guy

grade: C/incomplete

Brandon McMillan

The jury is still out ~~but he plays with an edge and~~ can make a play or two..I like him good bottom six guy

grade: C/incomplete

Kyle Palmieri

Up and coming - duh

Before getting torre-ezed palmieri was coming into his own...cant complain about his play

grade: B-

Corey Perry

Douchebag - someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker.

Could I describe him any other way?...he's ramping up getting back to his old self..just a little unlucky..king of the crossbar shots...if its your last year with us Perry make it count!

grade: B+

Bobby Ryan

Lego hair - a particularly shitty male haircut in which the sides cover the ears and the hair appears to be "snap on".

I don't know if he really has leggo hair just wanted to use it...hes been pretty good id say

grade: B+

Teemu Selanne

Has slowed down some..but hey its teemu back the fuck off

grade: B

Brad Staubitz

Rough Barn - Something that tends to be annoying or infuriating.

Earl is the only duck fan to defend this guy..why we don't know..waste of a roster space

grade: F

Daniel Winnik

He's been a pleasant surprise..with the sharks playing brett burns at forward you have to think the sharks miss him..

grade: B

Bryan Allen

Red-headed step child - With red hair being rare, a child born to non red headed parents was often assumed to be the child of an affair. Thus was treated badly, usually in the form of beatings.

Verbally abused by some ducks fans...he's turned it around....and stop taking dumb penalties

grade: C

Francois Beauchemin

bad mamma jamma- A large man capable of whooping your ass easily.

grade: A

Cam Fowler

Rudy Kelly villan - a person rudy kelly is obsessed with on twitter cuz he hasn't developed as quickly as drew doughty

Yea rudy we get it...fowler isnt drew doughty dickhead..but he's improving and still young...so fuck off

grade: C-

Ben Lovejoy

Decent - Decent

Hes as advertised a bottom pairing dude..youd never want him in your top 4...makes a bonehead play or two...but is decent

grade: C-

Toni Lydman

solid - you can see im getting bored with this

solid and old and out of here next year...still we love you toni

grade: C

Luca Sbisa

Jekell and Hyde - two faced mutha trukka

Id say he's more streaky than anything...he seems to streak longer as good sbisa than bad sbisa

grade: C+

Sheldon Souray

Manwhore - The male equivalent of a slut.

I can now say I told you so to all the naysayers that he was a good risk to take.....with his looks he has to be a manwhore..he's been cockhard solid..

grade: A-

Viktor Fasth

Look at this guy -

Pleasant Pleasant surprise....lets hope he can keep it going

grade: A

Jonas Hiller

Redheaded step child #2 - see above

People keep writing his obituary but hes improving...you go Jonas

grade: B

Andrew Cogilano

grade: A-

Poll

whos been the best of the bloggers between meg, dunn and Jer this year?

meg and his man-purse

4 votes

Jer and his wierdo beardo

6 votes

Dunn and his herpes

4 votes

14 votes | Poll has closed

spade on the jumbotron a journal in debauchery

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 16:39:45 -0000

friday march 8th

6:20am las vegas

wake up as usual in the nude...admire myself in the mirror scratch my ass take out buttplug get ready for work

7am-10:30 work

waste time on BOC order machaca burrito with frejolies do 30 mins worth of work..scratch ass again

10:30-6pm whittier, ca

get to grandmas grab a couple cold ones...await for king of ptown to get home from work so we can roll....laugh at brother cuz the kings lost the nite previously...tell him "time to go watch a real team win" brother says "go flames" I laugh again..brother fills up huge thermos with rum and coke...take off to honda center...we listen to soundgarden and janes addiction and hear snickering..as we know kid-ish is laughing somewhere...

7:30 honda center

game time 1st period

ducks come out sluggish yet winnik remembers how to score again and pots one...we spot tu madre down in the 200's section and i think to myself whos dick did he suck to get those?...drinking some rum and cokes

1st intermisson

I go to meet up with tu madre for a drink...and someone grabs my ass.(at the time i thought it was love handles..i was so drunk i didnt know it was in fact my ass) I cant say who cuz i dont know if I have her approval but she was quite lovely...shes a bocer thats all ill say....i then meet up with tu madre down at his rich people seats and we down a mix of sailor jerrys and jack...

that's $30 of alcohol right there folks

2nd period

my brother sees the interviewer jumbotron dude scoping for victims..I guess to fill a required minority quota..they ask him if he wants to answer a trivia question...my bro like a boss says no ask my brother he knows all about the ducks...he asks me..and asks to make sure im a ducks fan...im wearing a zipped up hoodie with my free ducks shirt underneath..i unzip and like superman or spider man pull apart and reveal my sculpted chest with the ducks shirt over it...

i go stand in the tunnel entrance...they start setting up the camera and position us...its me and guy whos all decked out head to toe in ducks gear...and he says well start after the next tv timeout...he asks my name and what city im from..I kinda froze and said Spade from riverside...in hindsight should have said spade from BOC or even vegas...then he starts saying something else and bobby ryan scores..i ignore him and lean forward underhand fistpump like im pulling off a bulls testicles...the "superfan" doesnt move a muscle

i tell the interviewer.."sorry ducks just scored" hes all "that ok"...so then he tells me...all right u win if the dude gets it wrong..im like what?...i dont get a chance to answer a question..im just a brown face propped up..like how the republican party does it....but whatever..ill stand there..

so the moment is upon...and they announce our names...I promptly did a nelly type rap dance when they called me....they announce the question and i can barley hear the question..something about a shutout streak or winning streak for goalies for the ducks...it popped in my head that the answer was martin gerber...so when the dude guessed steve shields..i shook my head laughing..."haha this superfan got it wrong...im so winning whatever it is im suppose to win(fuck if i knew what i was drunk...handjob by corey perry perhaps?)"...well he got it right...though i suspect it was rigged....somehow....so i lost..the interviewer...demanded a fist bump from me and told me he loved my name..i suspecting he wanted to have sex with me

end of game to end of night

ducks win...fasth was amazing...and we drive home to whittier and have a couple more..i was too drunk to take off my clothes and sleep nude..

the end

friday march 8th

6:20am las vegas

wake up as usual in the nude...admire myself in the mirror scratch my ass take out buttplug get ready for work

7am-10:30 work

waste time on BOC order machaca burrito with frejolies do 30 mins worth of work..scratch ass again

10:30-6pm whittier, ca

7:30 honda center

game time 1st period

1st intermisson

that's $30 of alcohol right there folks

2nd period

end of game to end of night

ducks win...fasth was amazing...and we drive home to whittier and have a couple more..i was too drunk to take off my clothes and sleep nude..

the end

Us against the fenwick and the world

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:23:31 -0000

an anaheim smackdown right here

get ready to lose 12 in a row guys

some quotes from the article:

But how much of their early-season success is for real, and should we be counting on the Ducks to hang around as a top contender in the West for the rest of the season?

The short answer is no,

I've watched a lot of their recent games, including the most recent one -- a 5-2 loss to the Los Angeles Kings -- and I kept having the same thought during all of them: For a team that's won a lot of games these guys have a lot of bounces going their way at the moment, and they sure do seem to get outplayed a lot only to have Fasth bail them out. What's going to happen to this team when he no longer stops 93 percent of the shots he faces?

The one thing that really stands out about the Ducks through their first 17 games is that they are riding some ridiculous percentages.

Are they still a playoff team? They should be. They had a fast enough start to give themselves some cushion, and they have a six-point lead over the No. 9 team and have games in hand on most of the conference. And with a short season they only have to hold on to that playoff position for another 31 games.

But they're not cup contenders.

all I gotta say is:

an anaheim smackdown right here

get ready to lose 12 in a row guys

some quotes from the article:

But how much of their early-season success is for real, and should we be counting on the Ducks to hang around as a top contender in the West for the rest of the season?

The short answer is no,

I've watched a lot of their recent games, including the most recent one -- a 5-2 loss to the Los Angeles Kings -- and I kept having the same thought during all of them: For a team that's won a lot of games these guys have a lot of bounces going their way at the moment, and they sure do seem to get outplayed a lot only to have Fasth bail them out. What's going to happen to this team when he no longer stops 93 percent of the shots he faces?

The one thing that really stands out about the Ducks through their first 17 games is that they are riding some ridiculous percentages.

Are they still a playoff team? They should be. They had a fast enough start to give themselves some cushion, and they have a six-point lead over the No. 9 team and have games in hand on most of the conference. And with a short season they only have to hold on to that playoff position for another 31 games.

But they're not cup contenders.

all I gotta say is:

things for a ducks fan to do while ducks take a break from being awesome

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 16:09:01 -0000

we all know you come to me when you have problems and dilemmas...I am the man with the master plan....a Latin Buddha who dispenses wisdom from his shaft of knowledge

we don't play till Sunday...that gives you plenty time to do something useful for mankind you could:

find a cure for cancer!

koivu would be so stoked....but then when you don't find it you can say "I found a cure for cancer but I lost it"..but seriously you got 5 fucking days get to it

be a pizza connoisseur!

so today you might eat at pizza hut...then dominos the next day...papa johns...little cesars...oggis....then you too can grow pirate mustache wear a green guiness shirt and double pistol and get excited when your pizza comes...cuz shit you are a pizza aficianto!*

(round table is the best franchise pizza place btw..fuck you papa john bitches)

have sexual relations with a different race every nite!

Asian persuasion Tuesday...jungle fever Wednesday...hot Latina Thursday...Persian perversion Friday...fire crotch Saturday

take a balloon ride to Acapulco!

the guy at my work totally owns one...if you don't mind him feeling you up a little...and don't worry they totally caught those guys that raped those tourist..so you're safe...**

learn finnish!

when I looked up finland this came up...i guess this is what they do over there

you could talk to teemu and kovui...and impress sleza she might even let you shake her hand or even sauna with you!

spend time with your kids!

hahaha just kidding

become a NHl linesmen:

and the class might not even be 5 days long! See avs-preds game from yesterday

drink yourself into a stupor!

yea this will be me...spade so sad...me no have no hockey...sniffle

I do have a poker game on Saturday and nascar on Sunday..yea nascar with my honkey friends...anyone know where I can get a mullet? they drink keystone no joke

couple ducks thoughts:

-oh sbisa..you're regressing back to bad sbisa...come back good sbisa

-hiiiiillllller!!! welcome back you looked great..

-who the hell starts the first of the back to back?...does fasth deserve the first game on Monday against the avs? or u save him for the kings on Monday hmmmmm....interesting delmia

-love the 4th line and the fact BB isnt afraid to use them

-are the twins getting hot?...if they are...watch out (talking about getzlaf and perry and not your balls)

NOW YOU GOT 5 DAYS GO BE PRODUCTIVE ASSHOLES!

*that guy rocks..when i was at Bj's on friday..I totally shot up my pizza like that guys did when they brought it..also drank a lot of tatankas...fucking best stout around no joke

**the mexican governemt im sure just rounded up five random guys...i wouldnt go anywhere near alcapulco

we all know you come to me when you have problems and dilemmas...I am the man with the master plan....a Latin Buddha who dispenses wisdom from his shaft of knowledge

we don't play till Sunday...that gives you plenty time to do something useful for mankind you could:

find a cure for cancer!

koivu would be so stoked....but then when you don't find it you can say "I found a cure for cancer but I lost it"..but seriously you got 5 fucking days get to it

be a pizza connoisseur!

(round table is the best franchise pizza place btw..fuck you papa john bitches)

have sexual relations with a different race every nite!

Asian persuasion Tuesday...jungle fever Wednesday...hot Latina Thursday...Persian perversion Friday...fire crotch Saturday

take a balloon ride to Acapulco!

the guy at my work totally owns one...if you don't mind him feeling you up a little...and don't worry they totally caught those guys that raped those tourist..so you're safe...**

learn finnish!

when I looked up finland this came up...i guess this is what they do over there

you could talk to teemu and kovui...and impress sleza she might even let you shake her hand or even sauna with you!

spend time with your kids!

hahaha just kidding

become a NHl linesmen:

and the class might not even be 5 days long! See avs-preds game from yesterday

drink yourself into a stupor!

yea this will be me...spade so sad...me no have no hockey...sniffle

I do have a poker game on Saturday and nascar on Sunday..yea nascar with my honkey friends...anyone know where I can get a mullet? they drink keystone no joke

couple ducks thoughts:

-oh sbisa..you're regressing back to bad sbisa...come back good sbisa

-hiiiiillllller!!! welcome back you looked great..

-who the hell starts the first of the back to back?...does fasth deserve the first game on Monday against the avs? or u save him for the kings on Monday hmmmmm....interesting delmia

-love the 4th line and the fact BB isnt afraid to use them

-are the twins getting hot?...if they are...watch out (talking about getzlaf and perry and not your balls)

NOW YOU GOT 5 DAYS GO BE PRODUCTIVE ASSHOLES!

*that guy rocks..when i was at Bj's on friday..I totally shot up my pizza like that guys did when they brought it..also drank a lot of tatankas...fucking best stout around no joke

**the mexican governemt im sure just rounded up five random guys...i wouldnt go anywhere near alcapulco

Poll

who wins first the sharks or kings?

sharks

10 votes

kings

6 votes

who gives a fuck about them the ducks rule!

33 votes

49 votes | Poll has closed

New nicknames for new ducks and thoughts on first 2 games

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 23:24:01 -0000

I kinda started this and then found out I had shit for new nicknames for the new ducks but bored at worked..and did it anyways...so I'm open to new nicknames...Earl is good with them...before we get to that crap though lets talk about the early season ducks so far...

heres some facts:

-were 2-0

-scoring goals like hot cakes or hot sausages or hot meaaaat

-our PP is pretty fuckin good...making getzlaf play the point where he cant pass backwards is genius...great movement

-our PK is the yang to the PP really bad because

-despite the fact Murray told us we got big bodies to clear the crease..NO ONE IF FUCKIN CLEARING THE CREASE instead all there doing is fucking screening there own goaltender! leading to bout 90% of the goals scored against the ducks

-someone forgot to tell Bobby Ryan the season started

-and

hahahahahaa

-fowler beast in offensive zone...liability in defensive..he should change when the puck goes the other way..help him scotty!

-smith pelly and winnik just work there asses off..koivu too...

ok on to my shitty list:

Bryan Allen

possible nickname: Bryan Allen Poe!

looks like: the next prince of england or some earl or duke

Peter Holland

possible nickname: Peter mullholland drive or whiskey pete

looks like: shit IDK white people look all the same to me..maybe angel from the x-men movies and look his neck is like andy mcdonalds

Kyle Palmieri

possible nickname: palm-hairy

looks like: ross from friends?

Daniel Winnik

possible nickname: in it to winnik or Rocket richard beast

looks like: a bro-tacular guy to tap a keg with

Brad Staubitz

possible nickname: Brad Hobbitiz Idk didnt try to hard Kirby doesnt like enforcers anyways (thats not him, that's the guy described below..but who wants to look at brad staubitz anyways)

looks like: that dude from wrath of the titans and zero dark thirty

Jordan Hendry

possible nickname: Jordan Oh henry!

looks like: not michael jordan

Sami Vatanen

possible nickname: Sami not Phalsson vatanen

looks like: he wants to fuck you up. no? hes got a lot of acne too

Viktor Fasth

possible nickname: Too Fasth

looks like: Saku Koivu with hair?

Sheldon Souray

possible nickname: Sheldon Hooray

looks like: he gets alot more tail then all the bloggers and commentors combined

Rickard Rakell

possible nickname: Dickard Rakelli

looks like: too nice a boy for me to say anything bad..

Go fucking ducks...50/50 chance I go to the opening game at honda center....fix the defense please

heres some facts:

-were 2-0

-scoring goals like hot cakes or hot sausages or hot meaaaat

-our PP is pretty fuckin good...making getzlaf play the point where he cant pass backwards is genius...great movement

-our PK is the yang to the PP really bad because

-someone forgot to tell Bobby Ryan the season started

-and

hahahahahaa

-fowler beast in offensive zone...liability in defensive..he should change when the puck goes the other way..help him scotty!

-smith pelly and winnik just work there asses off..koivu too...

ok on to my shitty list:

Bryan Allen

possible nickname: Bryan Allen Poe!

looks like: the next prince of england or some earl or duke

Peter Holland

possible nickname: Peter mullholland drive or whiskey pete

looks like: shit IDK white people look all the same to me..maybe angel from the x-men movies and look his neck is like andy mcdonalds

Kyle Palmieri

possible nickname: palm-hairy

looks like: ross from friends?

Daniel Winnik

possible nickname: in it to winnik or Rocket richard beast

looks like: a bro-tacular guy to tap a keg with

Brad Staubitz

possible nickname: Brad Hobbitiz Idk didnt try to hard Kirby doesnt like enforcers anyways (thats not him, that's the guy described below..but who wants to look at brad staubitz anyways)

looks like: that dude from wrath of the titans and zero dark thirty

Jordan Hendry

possible nickname: Jordan Oh henry!

looks like: not michael jordan

Sami Vatanen

possible nickname: Sami not Phalsson vatanen

looks like: he wants to fuck you up. no? hes got a lot of acne too

Viktor Fasth

possible nickname: Too Fasth

looks like: Saku Koivu with hair?

Sheldon Souray

possible nickname: Sheldon Hooray

looks like: he gets alot more tail then all the bloggers and commentors combined

Rickard Rakell

possible nickname: Dickard Rakelli

looks like: too nice a boy for me to say anything bad..

Go fucking ducks...50/50 chance I go to the opening game at honda center....fix the defense please

Poll

if a bartender has a voice like an orange county guy but is fucking hot..is it ok to salivate over her?

no ewwww

2 votes

why the hate bro?

20 votes

shut up the ducks are 2-0

15 votes

37 votes | Poll has closed

f#@& 2012 bring on 2013

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 20:19:08 -0000

first off hung over uuuuuugggggg.....so ya 2012 sucked

let me count the ways:

lockout

court hearings for me

shit jobs

Connecticut shootings

lockout

steelerz bounced from playoffs

bloggers peacing out

maroon 5

that to close to love u song

lockout

some staged stanley cup winner

jen fron anaheim calling refusing to have sex with me

but alas i knew this year would suck so i prepared for a better new year....some stuff to look fwd to:

justified season 3

my new job

and thats it

merry kwanza everyone and happy new year from your favorite minority who milks that fact

el spadeo

via stuffpoint.com

first off hung over uuuuuugggggg.....so ya 2012 sucked

let me count the ways:

lockout

court hearings for me

shit jobs

Connecticut shootings

lockout

steelerz bounced from playoffs

bloggers peacing out

maroon 5

that to close to love u song

lockout

some staged stanley cup winner

jen fron anaheim calling refusing to have sex with me

but alas i knew this year would suck so i prepared for a better new year....some stuff to look fwd to:

justified season 3

my new job

and thats it

merry kwanza everyone and happy new year from your favorite minority who milks that fact

el spadeo

via stuffpoint.com

3 mins ye all waste yer time!

SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 17:44:43 -0000

hey look its Mike Chen or Earl!

My kids are in town...so I’m in a cheeky mood..So far they’ve enjoyed the great pleasures of the city of sin..I’m letting them stay up later..eat more candy..having fun at the adventure dome in circus circus laughing and pointing at foreign kids..draining my wallet on overpriced shit ya know how it goes..there having a good time...

tonight I’m taking them to the "tournament of the kings" the medieval times wanna be thing..for those of you who suck and have your dick in the dirt..its reenactment of the middle ages..horses and knights..jousting wenches 3 mins ye all be fallen! Buffet...and way overpriced

so cuz I have no work to do I decided to write this boring post and research myths about the middle ages

apparently execution wasn’t that common as depicted..I had hoped throwing people in boiling vats of pigs shit was a daily exercise...

they did in fact bathe...though no deodorant?..maybe they rubbed marijuana on there pits who knows?

the rich where only knights...so I guess when you picture the owners and players negotiating..think of them in some full plate armor...so I hate knights now

and daily dragon raids I guess didn’t happen...so what was so fucking cool about the middle ages?

oh jousting..right...lets get the players champion Donald Fehr dueling Gary bettman to see who wins the lockout...a lance straight to the penis Donald!...and shit maybe that’s one thing better about the middle ages..then now....at least this lockout would be settled.....

now I think there are ogres and talking donkeys...I swear I read that somewhere

congratulations folks ye just wasting 3 minutes of ye life...

go getting fat today! go whichever knight...that represents my section