I realize you could throw a number of teams at the end of that sentence ... the Mavs, the Suns, the Nuggets, or the Knicks (Aw, this is PAINFUL to even think about. Imagine rooting FOR the New York Knicks!) and so on ...

Today, however, the sentence ends like this: At least we're not the New Jersey Nets. And please, read the entire post. I promise you, it's worth it. Comments are italicized.

DENVER -- New Jersey Nets forward Sean Williams was arrested Monday at a cell phone store in a mall in suburban Denver on accusations that got into an argument with a clerk and threw a computer monitor. He wasn't available to play against the Denver Nuggets on Monday night.

Nets general manager Kiki Vandeweghe said the team was told of the incident.

Williams is averaging 2.5 points in 30 games this year. How is this news? Even in NJ, who cares that this guy might not be available to play?

At about 2 p.m. Monday, officers responded to a disturbance at a cell phone store at the Park Meadows Mall, Detective Sgt. Ron Pinson of the Lone Tree police said.

"The investigation indicated that Sean Williams had been involved in a verbal altercation with the clerk at the store," Pinson said in a release. "He then picked up a computer monitor and threw it inside the store. The monitor was broken and also caused damage to a printer and signature pad."

Damages were estimated at $1,200 to $1,300, he said.

Pinson said Williams was arrested on suspicion of disorderly conduct and felony criminal mischief. He was taken into custody without any further incident and transported to the Douglas County Jail, where he posted bond. Pinson didn't know the amount of Williams' bond.

"The Nets have been made aware of a police incident this afternoon involving Nets center Sean Williams," Vandeweghe said in the statement. "We are currently looking into the details surrounding the incident, and since it is an ongoing police investigation, we will have no further comment."

It wasn't clear if Williams would accompany the team's flight home.

Don't worry, New Jersey. Kiki Vandewhatever is on this. They made Williams fly coach to get back to New Jersey. That'll show 'im not to damage 1,300.00 worth of stuff on the counter in the cell phone store.

Hell, I didn't know those gagdets were worth so much. Next thing you know the local Denver streetgangs will start holding up cellphone kiosks and fencing the signature pads.

LOS ANGELES -- If he is frustrated and bewildered by the events of the two previous days, Rod Thorn has decided to suppress it.

Somehow, this didn't seem like the artful dodge of an executive who won't reveal his aggravation over his team's daily pratfalls. It's more like a boss who has concluded that there's no sense beating up a team that has already been beaten enough lately.

So the Nets president, at least for now, will emphasize a few positives:

"I think for the last nine games -- with the exception of the second half at Golden State -- we've played very well," Thorn said. "We could have won every game, we could have lost every game. But we played well. You've just got to close games out, and you do that by making plays and by getting stops. The games we do that, we've done well."

They're a season-worst nine games under .500 -- which means they haven't done it often enough -- and they may not have bottomed out yet.

Or perhaps they have bottomed out defensively. They really can't get any worse than they were in the fourth quarter at Portland, which scored on 18 of its last 21 possessions. Passive resistance? They can be better. But it's more likely a case of a team simply being overmatched -- especially in the last three minutes.

"At the end of the day, your record says what you are," Thorn conceded. "We've got 17 to go, we're a half-game out of eighth with four other teams. And we can get better, but we obviously have a hard schedule. But at the end of the day the record tells you what you are."

So do some of the mind-boggling numbers that have emerged from the first two games of this trip. Consider:

* They have received one field goal in 36 minutes from their starting power forward.

*They have yielded 93 free throws in the two games, putting one guy (Corey Maggette) on the line 20 times, and another guy (Brandon Roy) 17 times.

* They have blown leads of 14 points in one game, and 12 in the other.

* And when Devin Harris is your leading rebounder for two straight games, you really have problems.

But it's his reaction to the first item that tells you Thorn was in a generous mood yesterday. Indeed, just when you think the team has had its fill of Yi Jianlian, the Boss came out with this:

"I felt in the first half, Yi played as well defensively as he had all year," Thorn said. "They go to (LaMarcus) Aldridge a lot, but Yi was terrific. When he came back midway in the game in the fourth, he didn't play as well. But I was encouraged by the way he guarded, and the intensity level he played with.

"That's the kind of focus he has to come with every night. It shows he can do it. He contested every shot that guy (Aldridge) took. So that was encouraging, because it shows he can do it. Now if he can guard without fouling, you're halfway there. Because you know he can make an open jump shot. So I was encouraged."

Vince Carter's struggles? Thorn credited Blazers rookie Nicolas Batum.

This is the way Thorn is going to play it, at least for now -- which is probably just as well, because his team is just one of six that are having the same problems with their consistency.

The players rationalize this, too. For example, while Harris admits that the frustration level "is growing," he quickly adds that no team vying for the eighth seed in the Eastern Conference is going to run away and hide.

"We're still right there," he said. "It's not like the teams are moving up -- they're losing just as much as us right now. Hopefully the absence of critically-important backup center Sean Williams will not jeopardize their position as eighth-seed.

No team vying for the eighth seed in the Eastern Conference is going to run away and hide, damnit! Even though they should, because the Eastern Conference is a disgrace to basketball ... excluding the Celtics v. Lebron James bum-pat fest, of course (Bushka's words). 

Feel Better, San Antonio. No matter how bad things get, we don't have to live in New Jersey.

Sabre

Rather than argue my case, I will let others do it for me ... mostly

Bill Simmons talks about things your friends would never talk about in a Sports Bar. For example, reality television, pop culture, celebrity relationships, and other shit that has no place in a sports column.

Example from a blog written in 2008.

[Bill Simmons] constantly calls out players for being pussy whipped, most notably Doug Christie. But he allowed his wife to post a column during his football picks about the FUCKING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN BRAD PITT, ANGELINA JOLIE, AND JENNIFER ANISTON. Are you fucking serious? Is there a topic that a man [edit for content] would rather not talk about than that stupid relationship? We want an article on football and he has Us Weekly on the side! And he let her pick games. And she WON! Not just 1 game or 1 week or 1 month, she was better for the entire season!!! INCLUDING PLAYOFFS!!!! AND HE LET THIS HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did he hold up his pinkie in recognition everytime she finished her picks, bowing to her superiority? Any man who allows his wife to show him up when it comes to football knowledge, and publishes it for thousands to read, is just as whipped as Mr. Christie.

More contributions on his horrible, horrible homer-ism about all Boston teams. Bill is a nationally-syndicated writer who literally decides what to write based on what teams he roots for.

"I do not respect Bill Simmons and his attitude about the Pats, like the fact that he was from Boston and wrote about sports made him an honorary member of the team. All he did was jump on their bandwagon as soon as they were good. Did he even write about the Pats in 2002 when they went 9-7? In 2003 they go 14-2 and in every other column he was licking their asshole."

"[After the Sox finally won] Bill mocked the Yankees fans for being sore losers, but then he did the exact same thing when the Colts, who have now beaten the Patriots 3 straight times including the AFC championship, win. He even refused to write a column about the Superbowl because he knew that all those fans he spit on when the Pats were always winning would relish it. But he wrote about 10 columns in 2004 regarding the Red Sox, and he dismissed Yankees fans who said that they were 25 championships behind now. 2 years later, he is being his typical hypocrite by saying that the Colts fans should call him when they win their 3rd."

 The only other person who does this is JA Andande, the biggest homer sportswriter of all time. If you are a sportswriter, you do not want to be compared to JA. It is not a compliment.

And finally, because that blog was written over a year ago, a more recent Bill Simmons story that includes ... well, all of the above, the shitty pop-culture E! entertainment references, the homerism, the drooling all over players and the comparisons to legends who won seven or eight trophies, instead of just 1.

Guess which team this story is about before you click on the link and you win ... a cookie.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3467732

Sabre

via img18.imageshack.us

Alright, so Gregg Popovich is Obi-Wan, the NBA is the Evil Empire, and David Stern is the Emperor.  Stu Jackson is Darth Vader and Tim Donaghey is the guy that Vader choked to after the Spurs defeated the Phoenix Suns in the greatest second-round playoff series of all time ...

Ah, I'm getting carried away. The point is, if a win for the Spurs represents a win for the entire league, where do the other 30 ball-clubs land? With Stern? With us?

Allies:

The Utah Jazz, Jerry Sloan, and that Mormon Owner Guy - Solidly in our corner, especially after the departure of Malone. Sloan is the longest-serving coach in the NBA and the Jazz would be serious contenders if they didn't have so many injuries.

On the Fence

The Boston Celtics (Eeeevil) and Doc Rivers (Good) - Powell raised a great point when he said these guys are the definition of success, especially for a Spurs Veteran-turned-Coach. I just wish Ray Allen wasn't such a whiny little boy and Kevin Garnett wasn't such a freak-show between possessions. They do play really unselfish Basketball.

The Dark Side

The Lakers - No explanation required. However, there are some international players on this team, especially Gasol and Vujacic, that Popovich probably fantasizes about during trips to the wine cellar. Remember how upset Pop got when Kupchak swiped him from Memphis?

The Cavaliers - It's hard to see Danny Ferry at the helm of such a promising team. It's even harder to watch the Lebron-worship that the NBA imposes even in games that have nothing to do with the Cavaliers. I predict will not win an NBA championship until he further involves his teammates in Mike Brown's one-dimensional offense.

Imperial Slaves - Teams that exist solely for Lebron James and Kobe Bryant to score against. Occasionally used to provide new when some disloyal peon questions his role like this recently-traded Lakers benchwarmer.

New York, Memphis, Charlotte ... feel free to contribute your own.

There's a reason that ESPN panned a San Antonio victory in the Boston to promote Lakers-Versus Cavaliers.

There's a reason that Spurs players with "bad reputations" are closely watched by league officials, while NBA Stars who throw punches, bark at the opposing team and curse fans, admit illegal drug use and disrespect their coaches are slapped on the wrist or  ignored.

Ever since Gregg Popovich became successful in Alamo city, former Spurs Players and Front Office Members have won Coaching Spots and GM Spots across the League. Some do poorly. Others win Championships. All experience conflict with their star players and in some cases with their management, and there's a reason for that too.

It's the same reason that Avery Johnson didn't get along with Mark Cuban OR Josh Howard. It's the same reason that the Mavericks couldn't beat Miami in the Finals, and it's also the reason that Josh Howard and Company GAVE UP days before the NOOCH eliminated them from contention in the following year. http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/basketball/mavs/stories/050108dnspomavslede.b5a5f0b9.html

This is the same reason Danny Ferry and Mike Brown are terrified of a King James departure, a possibility which has nothing to do with Lebron's desire to win games. According to this article, being the first billionaire athlete is more important.  http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news?slug=aw-lebronjayz022508&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

It's also the reason for the long and terrible saga of the Phoenix Suns, who may very well let Steve Kerr go before he can truly transform their franchise. Amare Stoudamire could be an incredible player, but he and the Suns are also likely to part ways. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/121796-steve-kerr-must-trade-amare-stoudemire-to-complete-his-transition

This is the same reason that, even after leading Kevin Garnett to a championship, Doc Rivers can barely keep his star player under control. That's right: Doc Rivers stays up nights, wondering what to do the next time Kevin Garnett runs from the baseline to the bottom of the key on all fours. Win or lose, Garnett's lack of composure is a dangerous distraction that could prevent the Celts from repeating this year. So says Chris Broussard article on ESPN Insider (which is not worth the money that it would cost you to read).

You think this stuff can't cost a team the title? See the Kobe-versus-Shaq feud for a perfect example.

The National Basketball Association made a concious decision to glorify "individual achievement," "attitude," and "showmanship" (read: selfishness, petulance, and braggery) over performance. This is why Spurs Execs meet such determined resistance when they try to rehabilitate a team or educate a good player who could someday be great. This is why players rebel against good coaching and why owners often side with players over execs and coaches.

If the NBA isn't careful, it will end up like the hip-hop industry, with hundreds of self-absorbed entertainers who talk a good game, and thirty teams that SUCK.

Sabre

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/rumors/post/D-Antoni-wants-Marbury-out-Diaw-Barbosa-in-wit;_ylt=AjuVhQYG0IRiqQ8ugT4BAZmezIx4?urn=nba,82195

I hate to give this man recognition, but wow.

First, D'Antoni mans up and threatens something no one in NYC had the balls to suggest, even after Marbury repeatedly made like Eric Cartman and said "screw you guys, ahm goin' home."

Second, D'Antoni declares his intent to gut Phoenix. At this point, Nash = Jason Kidd or even Shaq, in terms of value ... old with nagging injuries. Barbosa and Diaw represent extremely talented players who will keep getting better with time. The Suns stomped us when these two played well, esp. Diaw in Game 4. 

Too bad they will never learn good defense up in NYC. We'll see if D'Antoni can pull this off and if Steve Kerr is stupid enough to bite.

Sabre  

EDIT Quote of the day:

" One of the first plays Mike D'Antoni is expected to draw up as the Knicks' new coach is for Stephon Marbury to run up the Garden floor ... and out the door back to Phoenix to rejoin the Suns "

Talk about not doing Steve Kerr any favors. I HATE Marbury. He's up there with Billy Bob.

The Sports Guy's Latest ...

Maybe the Suns didn't win a championship, but we'll remember them 100 times more fondly than the brutally efficient and hopelessly bland Spurs, who taught everyone over the years that the regular season doesn't matter, transformed the NBA Playoffs into a flopathon, revived the vile and fan-unfriendly Hack-A-Shaq strategy and did everything short of sending Bruce Bowen out on the court with a chain saw and a taser. If the Spurs were the Team of the Decade, no wonder ratings dwindled until the league's big comeback this season. The real shame is that all the mugging, acting, eye-rolling, flopping, rule-bending and hysterical shrugging obscured what should have been remembered as a throwback sports team, a shrewdly assembled roster of well-coached guys who played beautifully together, didn't care about credit and revolved around the best power forward who ever played. Instead, we'll remember them as the team that turned the NBA Playoffs into the World Cup. Congratulations, fellas.

I will now translate, point by point.

1) The Suns never won because teams that I dislike often beat the Suns like red-headed stepchildren ... we're talking game margins of 4-1 or 4-2.

2) Despite this, I still have their balls in my mouth.

3) The team that wins the most games during the regular season should win the championship, right? We should just eliminate the playoffs altogether and give the trophy to the team with the best record, or better yet, the team that I, Bill Simmons, like best. 

4) The Spurs punish teams like Phoenix who often lead the league in turnovers and fouls comitted. The Spurs also punish professional players who cannot shoot free throws, a skill many middle school basketball players have mastered.

5) The Spurs are at fault for lowering ratings. Other teams are not at fault for neglecting their fundamentals and getting dominated. I, Bill Simmons, see no connection between the new, league-wide focus on DEFENSE and the extremely competitive '08 playoffs. The Lakers, the Jazz, and my beloved Celtics are contenders because people like them, not because all three teams improved defensively this year.

6) I subconsciously know why the Spurs are good, but I refuse to respect them for it.

7) The Spurs are a slow, dull, boring team. Except for Tony Parker, the most agile and exciting pointguard besides Chris Paul, and Manu Ginobili, the most clutch shooter in the NBA and the most fearless international player to ever dribble a ball. They are not worth watching.

Alright, I'm done emasculating his article. Bill Simmons jumped on the Suns bandwagon years ago because the Celtics weren't any fun to root for, and now he's too stupid to get off. 

If you would like to see Bill Simmons humiliated further, go here. http://theenemiesofbillsimmons.blogspot.com/2007_02_01_archive.html  

"When doctors circumsized Bill Simmons, they threw away the wrong piece." ~ Me.

Sabre