Portland, Ore.-

The Portland Trailblazers of the National Basketball Association have signed center Greg Oden to a 3-year contract extension, despite the former number 1 draft pick having passed away from an unknown injury earlier in the day.

Per team policy, details of the deal were not disclosed.

At a press conference Friday afternoon, acting Blazers GM Chad Buchannan told reporters, "Even as a corpse, Oden can still be a game-changer for this team, as long as he can stay on the floor." Buchannan continued, "We don't want to take the chance that another team will sign him in free-agency," and that Oden is seen as a "major part of this team moving forward," despite the additional setback of the player not being alive.

"We believe in Greg," stated Buchannan.

Ben Golliver of Blazersedge.com commented, "Back in 2007, I was heavily advocating for the Blazers to draft Kevin Durant for this exact reason." Golliver said, "While I knew Durant would end up a dead-eye shooter, I knew that Oden would end up just dead by 2012," before bewilderingly adding "Respect these years!" as he checked into a game in the second quarter against the Detroit Pistons, presumably being mistaken for Luke Babbitt.

The Pistons immediately went on a 12-0 run.

Sources close to the team put the deal at $3 million plus incentives for the recently departed. Oden would have become an unrestricted free agent at the end of this season, available for any team to move his limp, lifeless hand in such a manner that would resemble legally signing a contract.

While the cause of the injury remains unknown, it is thought it was sustained during a particularly lively session of Dance Dance Revolution. "The doctors told me I couldn't run during my rehab," it is imagined Oden might have said, "but they never said anything about video games."

Other sources claim to have seen Oden stumbling around in what appeared to be a topless amazon's ill-fitting high heels.

Whatever the cause of death, the Blazers front office remains optimistic that he will still be able to contribute, though with an extended timetable for his return.

Blazers owner and multi-kajillionaire Paul Allen tweeted Friday, "Sad 2 C Greg go kick the bucket; won't B long til he's SCORING buckets!"

As of press time, Oden's hulking, slowly-decaying body could not be reached for comment.

I just needed to get this out there, and I figure this is the best place:

I am sitting at Coffeetime on NW 21st at one in the morning, and there are two full tables of dudes spanning the age spectrum loudly and heartily debating the NBA finals. Thus far, no less than two people have prominently declared their love for K*be and the L*kers, and are STILL IN THE BUILDING. I figured they'd get booted. I know that's what I'd do if I were in charge.

I am into this because it doesn't happen to be typical coffeeshop banter, especially at such a volume. If I knew the first thing about basketball, I might try to get into the row, but as it is, I'll just be the eavedropping bystander, the one who looks least like a sports fan.

Okay, the conversation has finally turned to KP and how 'there's no way KP's gonna draft another no-defense... (inaudible).' Good to know we got some homers in the house.

It occurs to me that some of you might comprise this group of total dudes. Do it up:

Jason Quick reports that McRoberts is out for a while now too:

McRoberts  out after bad ankle sprain

So now we have: Oden, Miles, Roy and McRoberts all out for what figures to be the entire preseason, and Jones is iffy with his knee. A whole ten healthy players going into the season isn't exactly the greatest scenario.

What do we attribute this to? Change in the weather? Some sort of curse? Our players being so awesome that they've been working out for over a month before training camp even began?

Doesn't seem like we can catch a break lately. What happened to the karma? And who's next?