SB Nation User Blog: ScottPioli

BUSY BUSI BIZZY SHIZZLE

ScottPioli — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 07:48:31 -0000

Don't worry about Romeo, guys. I can't disclose all the details but I can tell you he will be working under the 'pioli umbrella'. He may be more valuable to the team in 'another uniform' if you know what I mean. Remember, I own the NFL now.

Moves around the league and big FA signings: Owens is a bill. Shoulda seen that coming. Expensive...

Vrabel told me he wants to be the guy as far as weird names go, so I released the semi-weirdly named Surtain. There's no I in Surtan. Signed Jones, and Davis, Vrabel's happy with that.

Kicker in the Chiefs hall of fame this week. What does that tell you? Lowerying standards or glory for special teams?

HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW

ScottPioli — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 04:28:17 -0000

I found you thiggy's backup. sorry about Donnie for Vrabel, but we're no Mickey Mouse organization any more.

obviously the rest of the draft lines up from here. ditka as my witness, we shall trade every pick we have.

Brian Waters stopped by my office. Nice guy, not a GM as far as I know, and for some reason he was not in pads practicing his position when I saw him.

Vrabel's a bad boy, you're gonna like him. No manboobs anywhere near that guy.

CUT!

ScottPioli — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 05:33:55 -0000

you probably saw some doods are gone.

seperate the wheat from the chaff.

These cuts are the first step of Scott Pioli's 6 POINT DODECAHEDRAN OF TERROR.

I called Ditka and he said blow the wad now.

1. Trade our 3rd and 4th round pick, LJ (and a bag of baseballs), and next years 2nd and 3rd to gunther in detroit for the #1 overall pick AARON CURRY
2. #3 pick MICHAEL CRABTREE
3. Trade TG and next years 1st to the Eagles for the #21 overall pick ALEX MACK
4. 2nd round selection CHANNING CROWDER
5. Sign all rookies to lock tight 10 year contracts. Brainwash them with teamwork/unity crap.
6. Kansas City Owns NFL

If this does not happen, you will know it's just SCOTT PIOLI being SCOTT PIOLI

HI I'M SCOTT PIOLI

ScottPioli — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 15:58:16 -0000

Hey. In case you didn't know I am Scott Pioli and I am here to answer your questions. First, I know what's on everyone's mind so let me answer a few things outright:

Defensive coordinator -- I'll get to it when I damn feel like it. I'm up to my ears in X's, O's, and Herm's draftees, working 12 hours a day before doing some blow and working several more hours. Do you really think it's a matter of me sitting on my thumbs?

QB -- Tyler Thigpen is a god among men. When I first spoke to him, his manhands smothered my girly handshake. I was so overcome by his powers of intimidation that I'm trading Croyle and Quinn to Detroit for the rights to Matt Millen's mangina.

RB -- Larry Johnson has a sweet ride, dudes, and he's a helluva guy to party with. He could be our punter. He don't know when to COL' QUIT. Charles' last name is a first name. I like that.

WR -- People say this Crabtree is a good player, but I'm looking for football smart, lightning fast, strong handed, agile, self-starters with a sharing attitude. I'm afraid Crabtree lacks something in the 'agile' department. His peanut butter and jelly time at the combine was not exactly 'what the scouts were looking for'.

Defense -- Dick Butkus is the key. I'm looking at Butkus to man the trenches. We could really use Dick to send right up their alley, you know, and create pressure and what not. Then we just pop in some Czonka for good measure. ALRIGHT ALREADY. So I haven't done my evaluations yet.

Herm -- begged me for a position in ticket sales, but I just felt he was a cancer in the clubhouse. Had to go.

So that's it. Any questions? I'll answer them honestly. That's what I'm here for.

Some of you might not believe I'm really Pioli. Whateva. I'll break ya kneecaps