Why the success or failure of our entire season rests on the manly shoulders of Ryan Rowland-Smith

Smegmalicious — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:59:07 -0000

After watching the sheer beauty of Felix and Bedard pitching back to back in the first two games, I was overcome with a fairly peculiar thought. I know it's not rational really, but I think there's a certain logic to this.

Unfortunately we know that the King is not infallible. We also know that Bedard is not perfect either, so it would be too simple to say that they are going to win every game they pitch. Even as early as the second game we saw how a good performance can turn in to a loss.

It's also true that no matter how powerful the vortex of suck that surrounds Silva and Washburn, the team isn't going to lose every time they take the mound. So with some major simplifications, the following isn't too much of a stretch.

If we assume that for every game where Felix or Bedard pitch, and the team loses, there will be a game where Washburn or Silva pitch and the team wins. Seems like a fair trade to me given that our top two starters and those clowns are pretty much on opposite sides of the awesome scale.

So if we had only those 4 guys pitching, we'd have a .500 season. Enter Mr. Rowland-Smith. Every time he takes the mound, he holds our season in his hands. If the team goes .500 in his starts, the team goes .500 for the year. For every win the team gets over .500 when he starts, that's a win over .500 period.

If he has 32 starts (160/5=32) all he has to do is get us to win, say, 20 of them. That would put our overall record at 85 wins and, by all accounts, that should put us in contention for the post season in the AL West.

There you go. Ryan Rowland-Smith is really the guy we need to root for. Sure he's got a good blog and a MLB salary and he's 'that cute guy with the accent' according to my girlfriend, but he is the key to our season.

Go Ryan...dominate! As you go, so do the M's!

This guy is either a comic genius or a raving lunatic

Smegmalicious — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 20:45:24 -0000

I was scouring the web for rumors about Washburn finally leaving us, and what did I stumble upon? This:

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/forum/boards/viewtopic.asp?topicID=123273

"I want you to imagine Bloomy and clones of him Starting EVERY position but Pitching and Catcher with a legitimate bench and the same Pitching Staff"

Wow. I'm trying really hard to imagine just how awful a team comprised of 8 Bloomquists and a catcher would look offensively, and I just can't do it. He goes on to say such awesome things as:

"Take 8 of him at the plate and I believe he will gain us more steals over all, more walks overall, less SO's overall, can bunt better over all, certainly do pretty darn good in the field, and be a GAMER EVERY GAME.

I believe this a legitimate point. I just cannot name a player in our history or now that can be put in the same position to warrent MORE wins than the current squad."

and:

"The reason Bloomy has a better arm in CF is because he has MORE athletic abilities out there than Ichiro."

I don't know, you just have to read it. I'm going to just assume that this guy is one of us, and that he's fucking hillarious because the alternative is just too disturbing to live with.

When you do read it, be sure that you read the comments because he goes on and on in there.

SB Nation User Blog: Smegmalicious

Why the success or failure of our entire season rests on the manly shoulders of Ryan Rowland-Smith

This guy is either a comic genius or a raving lunatic