
Sneak a Leak
Mar 03, 2010 Apr 09, 2011 7 29
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Hecklin': Georgia
Here's your outfield list for this weekend's home matchup against the JOJA BOODAWGS. It was a busy week, so some things were hastily thrown together. This means that it is up to all of you to improve it. Get to hecklin'!
#12 Zach Cone-Zach's father (Ronny) and Brother(Kevin) play[ed] football a Georgia Tech. Zach picked UGA. This is probably why his Mom (Janet) is sleeping with so many of y'all in the outfield #AmIRight!?!? #ImSoRight
He's from Stone Mountain, the dilapidated confederate version of Mount Rushmore which has reduced itself to shitty nightly laser shows, 90's techno, and bright green American flags projected onto the walls of a rock while "Proud to be an American" is yelled by you and your closest 500 redneck friends. I'll get off my soap box.
Hecklin' Alabama:
[ED: Sneak a Leak, the diabolical rapscallion and destroyer of will, has returned. He brings to you the first installment of Hecklin' by Red Cup Rebellion, where we look at who we're hatin' this week, and why. Print it, annotate it, supplement it, use it, and enjoy it. Make us proud.]
Cary Baxter-16—RHP/OF- Graduated with a 4.0 grade point average and a 30 ACT score. Nerd. Probably won’t play.
Taylor Dugas-1—OF –Has a sister named Tiffany. She’s old enough to make fun of (Around 25), and not cute enough to be TOO worried about it (I’d call her a 4). They are from Lafayette, LA, so all of those Cajun jokes we save up for da tigahs definitely apply here. I’m not even sure how to pronounce that mess. Doo-Gah probably. Doogah’s high school mascot was the rebels.
Hunter Gregory-46—OF-A walk-on from Bevill State Community College. Unlikely that he’ll play, but if he does feel free to call him out on the fact that they wouldn’t even give him a PIECE of a scholly for his time.
Brandt Hendricks-12—OF- He prefers baseball attire called 22Fresh. Unsurprisingly, that’s exactly as douchey as it sounds. I’d be willing to guarantee that it comes smelling like Axe. His little sister, Tessa, is in high school and plays tennis. Don’t shoot the messenger. I just provide the information. Do what you must with it.
John Kelton-10—OF/INF- Another walk-on, but he played 4 different positions last year. John has a married sister named Kim Kelton Conaway. Do what you please with that.
David Kindred-16—OF David played at Ole Miss in for two years (one was a redshirt). He wasn’t very good, only batting a .222 in 11 games. Just remind him that he sucked and we didn’t want him around, anyway. He also has a sister, Anne Elise, but I can’t find her anywhere, so tread lightly.
Andrew Miller-2—OF-According to Andrew’s facebook, Andrew’s interests include “girls and sports.” His favorite quote is “mom the meatloaf!” He also enjoys baseball (shocker), hunting, partying, and…wait for it…Washers. This guy takes his washers seriously.
Jeremiah Toolidge-40-OF Jeremiah has a brother on the same team, James, and it seems that he also has a sister, Jessica. Now, I’ve yet to see James or Jeremiah play, but I must admit that Jessica seems the most “talented.”
Those are your outfielders. Feel free to print this out, pull it up on your phones, and be loud. Last season, we had wifi in the outfield. I imagine the same stands here, but I’ve been watching the non-conference games from the infield. Feel free to be more creative, as this is merely a starter. Good luck, and happy hecklin’.
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Hecklin': LSU
[ED: Sneak a Leak does it again. Get on it and post whatever hot hecklin' action you've got below. Have fun at the series and Double Decker and do whatever you can despite that bastard rain.]
PURPLE SHIRTS, YELLA BRITCHES, GO TO HELL YOU SONS OF BITCHES!
These are your outfielders for the upcoming series against the most hated fans in SEC-LAND.
Trey Watkins, #3-First name is actually Clarence. Called Trey, because he is the third of his kind. Trey was a good player, but he collided with Austin Nola during the Georgia series and took out his elbow. Unlikely to play, but if he does, you can ask him about how his elbow feels, after all, his facebook says: "WANNA KNOW ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT ME...FEEL FREE TO HOLLA!"
Hecklin': Tennesssee
As the season progresses, facebook accounts get tighter. I'll keep 'em coming, though. Good luck this weekend. I'll be the one out there drinking Michelob Ultra until lent is over!
1. PJ Polk, #1: Full name is Michael Deangelo Polk, Jr. Deangelo was like the third best Ninja Turtle. His Mother’s name is Jackie. Has a discipleship in Tennessee’s home left field called “PJ’s Posse.” It looks like this guy will be our left field starter, so if you’ve got any dirt on this kid, let’s scoop it up.
2. Chris Fritts. #7: Has a sister named Teresa and a mother named Janet. Chris is a “Fan” of many things on facebook, but most notably, Chris is a fan of the group, “I <3 my mom for everything she has done.” Coincidentally, I love Chris’s mom for everything she’s done for me, too!
3. Charley Thurber, #12: Wants to be Tennessee’s first Gorilla. Now, I know that this is a legitimate term for a heavyset power hitter, but seriously, try not to take this quote out of context.
“That’s what coach Raleigh told me too, that I was his first gorilla.”
4. Drew Steckenrider, #20: Born in 1991, in Atlanta, so he’s likely a baby and a bro. Drew picked Tennessee over Ole Miss, so bring out your inner GonzoHog and perform your best jilted lover routine. Your best bet is to remind him of Tennessee’s enormously successful baseball program.
5. Matt Ramsey, #28: Matt belongs to a facebook group called “I Support the use of the word "Retarded" and variations thereof. “ So, there you go. The Andy Train’s can’t get mad at you for calling him a retard. Don’t worry, BimBam. We won’t call him gay.
6. Josh Liles, #33: His facebook profile picture is a fat, orange girl. Everyone in Knoxville seems to think that it is okay wear Tennessee orange on their skin.
He’s friends with some REALLY cool dudes.
Hecklin': Florida
[ED: Albeit a bit tardy, Sneak a Leak has come trough once again to bring you the necessary information regarding the future targets of our ridicule. Read it. Learn it. Add to it. Kthx]
Here is your list of outfielders.
Daniel Pigott, #8: Brother of teammate and fellow outfielder, Jonathan Piggot. According to Daniel, he HATES that Gainesville is so far from the ocean. He is a fan of the Sunshack, a fascinating enterprise that combines skin cancer and health food (Smoothies and Tanning). He "loves studying physics with Amanda Briese."
Jonathan Pigott, #9: Brother of Daniel, Jonathan plays fishville with Matt Den Dekker. Apparently, being the #2 team in the nation doesn’t get you laid in Gainesville, but some stupid fish RPG gets you MAD PLAY YO, because they are ALL obsessed with this shit. His facebook is hidden.
Kamm Washington, #14: Kamm, Jonathan, and Daniel like bumping asses in the air. They post it on all of their facebook profiles. Ask them to bump asses in the outfield. Kamm’s facebook is hidden and his record is clean. Give the kid time. Also, Kamm's name is Kamm. I have no idea what that is short for.
Matt Den Dekker, #17: From Ft. Lauderdale, FLA and went to Westminister Academy. Very obsessed with the facebook game Fishville, although he seems to have recently retired. Drafted by the Pittsburgh Pirates, so you know he’s a loser. Little known fact, Matt’s father is the Keebler Elf.
Tyler Thompson, 18: Tyler is from Palo Alto, California. His dad played for the Gators and the San Francisco Giants in the 80’s and 90’s. Tyler has a sister, who is 25. Her name is Kristeena. She’s probably a 7. She’s married to a guy named Luke. He has a twin brother. Tyler is majoring in Sports and Recreation Management, which is code for “baseball”.
Paul Wilson, #31: Paul Wilson has a BCS championship ring from his time spent on the Gator football team. Ask him about Tim Tebow. Or Carlos Dunlap’s DUI. Ask him why he doesn’t just admit that his string of injuries during football season isn’t just referred to as “riding the bench because I suck.”
Apologies if this one seems a tad hasty. As always, add anything you can find.
Hecklin': Louisville
[Thanks again to Freak A Leak for this]
I know it is merely Wednesday (ED: Frontpag'd on Thursday), but I wanted to give you all plenty of time to study up, because this one is a biggie. Don't let this keep you from Austin Peay tonight (ED: I've gotta get to these things sooner), but, gentlemen, start yer learnin'.
Here is your outfield lineup according to the Louisville roster. They all play exclusively in the outfield, unless they are specifically mentioned as playing other positions on the team. Other people of interest for this team are: Andrew Clark (#24, 1B) and Coach Dan McDonnell are both former Rebels, so be sure to give them a warm welcome home. Also, RHP Matt Lea (#15) is a former Mississippi State bulldog, so if and when he plays remind him that he likes humping legs or drinking peepee (ED: I added that second part) or something.
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Hecklin': Tulane
[ED: In keeping with the established Rebel hecklin' tradition, reader Sneak a Leak has provided us with crucial information concerning our weekend opponent's outfield lineup. Learn this information and use it well. If you've got anything else of import to add, do so in the comments.]
- Brandon Boudreaux, #4: A freshman, so he likely won't start. Girlfriend is named Rebecca Coady. It's likely that you can do something with the name "Boudreaux". His girlfriend is pretty hot.
- Cody Robinson, #3: Couldn't find much on this fella. Another Freshman OF, son of William and Cheryl Robinson.
- Nick Boullosa, #16: The son of Joe Boullosa and Nancy Gravel. He has two brothers: Matt Boullosa and Sean Fazende; and three sisters: Amy and Ashley Boullosa, and Kelly Fazende. Looks like he starts. His Facebook pictures indicate that he hates the New York Yankees. He's a total Bro [ED: Like, "whoa broseph let's go boarding" or "damn, bro, I preesh you hookin' me up with those Nickelback tickets"?]. Looks like his 21st birthday is coming up next week.
- Greg Miller, #23: OF and 3rd Baseman. Son of Greg and Karen Miller. He has a twin sister Allie, a younger brother named Patrick, and younger sister named Mary-Kate. Went to Avon Old Farms High School. See what you can do with that.
- Gunner Wright, #31: OF and RHP. Yes, that's his actual born name. Son of Keith and Chelle Wright. Girlfriend's name is Annie Vallandingham. This is a quote from his Facebook profile: "my name is gunner...My sign of love making is gemini. i am not sure what my girlfriend is but i hope she is compatible."
- Frank Anthony Florio #34: Girlfriend's name is Tessa Gavilsky. Son of Rozanne and Frank Florio. Majoring in Political Science and would like to become a politician.
- Quinn Pippin #44: OF and 3rd Baseman. He's a freshman and the son of Craig and Belinda Pippin. This guy's profile picture looks like the movie poster for Brokeback Dormitory.
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