Img_0172

Spencer Hall

  • joined Aug 31, 2009
  • last login Jul 11, 2014
  • posts 6305
  • comments 2211

Writer and editor (ha) of EDSBS.com, SBNation.com contributor.

A Fan Of...

  • NCAAF Florida Gators
User Blog

THE MC CONSIDERS THE BEAUTIFUL DAY AHEAD

982

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING, AND IT'S NOT

You must read "I Am Zlatan" and this is why

+

1. I am Zlatan is brilliant, and you should read it, and not just because the PSG striker inspires Euro-Dancehall tribute anthems. 2. You should read it because Zlatan is funny, mostly without effort. He describes himself sitting in a track suit with a giant gold watch in his Mercedes trying to hit on his future wife, wondering what she thinks of him, and then announces "Well, I thought I was pretty awesome" even as she's shutting him down. He talks about how bad he is at drinking, how he squanders his fame playing XBox games for 12 hours straight. Late in the book, he taunts the "nice, blonde Swedish boys" of his youth team for never becoming giant international soccer stars like he did, and yells at Pep Guardiola for driving the "Ferrari" of Zlatan like a Fiat. He tells his beloved manager to fuck off no fewer than a thousand times, usually right before he is transferred from one club to another for a record sum. He happily discusses how to lose the cops if you're speeding Sweden, provided you have a Ferrari Enzo. (Which, Zlatan will tell you without an ounce of guilt, is amazing just like Zlatan.) 3. You should also read it because Zlatan is so brutally honest about everything. His family fights over the dinner table and takes Ikea furniture home on their backs to avoid paying the delivery fees. In a fit of juvenile theft, he accidentally steals a coach's bike. He scarfs whole loaves of bread after practices and sells his dad's beer cans for extra cash. It's stuff you've read before in athlete biographies, but never with this kind of voice. 4. You should read it because David Lagercrantz is fiendishly good at translating Zlatan's voice from transcription to print. Zlatan's easy to love, but getting it all in a shape you can read in about three hours couldn't have been easy. 5. I sort of teared up at the end, the last thing I expected from this book. He will make you feel emotions. He is Zlatan.

THE MC HAS NO HOPE FOR YOU

802

GO AHEAD AND CRY, KID

Alan Thicke stars in a horrifying soccer promo

1

Life seemed simpler, and shorts were much, much shorter in 1992

THE SOLUTION TO A DRAB SEASON: EVERY TEAM A SEQUEL

FLORIDA NEEDS A FRANCHISE REBOOT. THAT MEANS WE NEED SEQUELS.

On ending another player's career

+

During the breakdown of the play he starts to scramble to the outside and my first thought is "Please God let him throw the ball away". He pump fakes once and my second thought is "PLEASE GOD LET HIM THROW THE BALL AWAY". My prayers were not answered and it was at this moment I had a decision to make.

DeQwan Young is a DB for the Erie Explosion of the UIFL, but you may know him better as the guy who broke Jared Lorenzen's leg and ended the giant quarterback's football career. According to his guest spot on The Lounge, he really, really wanted Jared Lorenzen to throw the ball away because he had no interest in hitting a man who outweighed him by a hundred pounds or so, but had to because of the game, the situation, and because he had no interest in being embarrassed in front of a large audience. (And no, Jared Lorenzen is not accepting his friend request on Facebook.)

R.I.P., Louis Zamperini

4

He shook Hitler's hand at the 1936 Olympics, survived a B-24 crash, spent 47 days at sea in an open lifeboat, and made it off Japan's notorious "Execution Island" P.O.W. camp. He nearly starved to death, and took nearly two years worth of beatings from Japanese camp wardens, including many from Mutsuhiro Watanabe, one of Japan's most notorious war criminals. And when he finally stopped drinking after the war, sobered up, and made it back to Japan, he met his captors and hugged each one by one. In 1988 at the age of 81, he ran with the Olympic torch past the camps where he was held as a P.O.W. Louis Zamperini, the subject of the book Unbroken and one of the most extraordinary Americans around, died today at the age of 97, and it's hard to pick out what may be more remarkable about his life: what he survived, or what he forgave.

The USMNT in Brazil: Hope sleeps on the couch

1. Wondolowski almost had it: on the foot, nothing in front of him but the notion of the possibility of the chance appearance of the goalkeeper. In stoppage time, the United States got the ball...

You'll never have this, Belgium

+

It's Dolly Parton playing the Benny Hill theme forwards and backwards. Even if you win today, Belgium, you'll never have that. NEVER. (P.S. She's really playing, just like she is here on "Son of a Preacher Man.")

IT'S A TITLE YEAR, THERE ARE SIGNS

962

NOT EXACT SIGNS, BUT DEFINITELY SIGNS

THE USMNT SURVIVE, ADVANCE AND NAP

THE UNITED STATES MEN'S SOCCER TEAM ARE SO GREAT THAT THEY EVEN WIN WHEN THEY LOSE

Leave your job and watch USA vs. Germany

For America, for truth, for liberty, and because there is nothing your boss can do about it

WELL IT'S TOO BAD Y'ALL HAVE TO WORK THAT HARD

741

STEVE SPURRIER REMINDS YOU AGAIN THAT WORK AIN'T HARD

Team USA and the terrifying snowmobile of love

Despite the cold and the ice weasels, we just can't help but take the ride.

Watchability: Germany-Ghana should be intense

Argentina-Iran might be less so. Probably.

Get away from my soccer team, Piers Morgan

Everything Piers Morgan touches turns to shit. Stay away from our soccer team, Piers.

Watchability: The full spectrum of games

One important game, one good game and one violent game. It's Friday, and you'll be watching the World Cup.

The starting eleven: rappers

20

2 Chainz might actually make a pretty decent goalkeeper

THE MC WAITS FOR MARK EMMERT TO TESTIFY

FEET, JUST FEET FLYING INTO MOUTHS EVERYWHERE

Watchability: Lots of aggression

The two early games are must-see. The late game is not.

WE JUST STEPPED ON THEIR FACE (BRAZIL REMIX)

LARRY MUNSON WOULD HAVE MADE A FINE SOCCER ANNOUNCER

World Cup watchability: Time for some Belgium

Dark horses Belgium are getting their first game of the tournament as they look to make good on their status as favorites in Group H.

10 very thoughtful points on the USA's win

Or: 10 things I wrote down at the bar in between heartattacks as 22 soccer players did their damnedest to kill me.

Good morning, here's Marcos Valle looking awesome

+

"Estrelar" by Marcos Valle, a piece of early 80s Brazilian disco-funk set to what appears to be Marcos driving an awesome car to his living room. His living room is the beach, where he watches movies with ladies in bikinis and enjoys tropical drinks. You say that you can't really make the living room your beach? You are clearly not Brazilian, and never will be. (HT: DJ Meeks)

World Cup watchability: USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

World Cup watchability: Blowouts ahoy, probably

Mostly you should be watching to see if France implode. And if they don't against Honduras, fear not: there will be other games.

Showing 1 - 30 of 6,305 Older
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.