For impatient baseball fans, here's a handy new statistic: Seconds to Launch One Throw Home, or SLOTH.

Here's how 30 starters rank in terms of their delivery time from the mound, in seconds.

Baseball fans, get ready for a bleeping interesting analyst. SI.com has learned that Ozzie Guillen, the colorful and occasionally profanity-laden manager of the White Sox, has been hired by Fox Sports to serve as a pre- and postgame analyst for the network's World Series coverage. He will debut alongside Chris Rose, Eric Karros and Mark Grace on Oct. 28 at 7:30 p.m. ET. Guillen will also file reports for Fox Sports Espanol.

SAN FRANCISCO—In what was described as a "total fucking rip-off," collector Kirk Poole purchased a pack of Topps baseball cards containing not one, but two cards featuring former White Sox pitcher Jose Fucking Contreras. "Fucking Contreras again? You've got to be kidding me," a visibly frustrated and crestfallen Poole said. "I couldn't get one Tim Cocksucking Lincecum, or even a Motherfucking [Bengie] Molina? Oh, I know, I'll just sell the extra one on eBay for $10,000. Yeah, that or Topps can suck my fucking dick." Poole later admitted that it was pretty cool to get Ken Griffey, Jr. in a Mariners uniform again.

With quotes from SSS's very own Larry.

The White Sox played their very first game in Comiskey Park 99 years ago today, losing 2-0 to the St. Louis Browns.

A Sports Illustrated poll of 380 players found Piniella, Guillen, La Russa, Torre, and Wedge the least desirable managers to play for.