From Brett McMurphy at CBSSportsline.com. My thoughts after Jump...

'VCU is leaving the Colonial Athletic Association and will join the Atlantic 10 Conference, industry sources told CBSSports.com on Monday.

VCU was expected to join the A-10 in 2013, but because it didn't want to spend a lame duck season in the Colonial, the Rams will join the A-10 a year earlier in 2012, sources told CBSSports.com on Tuesday.

CAAHoops.com first reported Tuesday morning that VCU would be joining the A-10 for the 2012 school year.

If VCU had remained in the CAA, the Rams would have been ineligible to play in the CAA men's basketball tournament and the automatic NCAA tournament bid to the conference champion. VCU still could have been considered for an NCAA at-large berth. So instead, VCU decided to make its move to the A-10 immediately.

VCU is the second new addition to the Atlantic 10, joining Butler, which is leaving the Horizon League for the A-10. Butler will not join the A-10 until 2013.

VCU and the Atlantic 10 have called press conferences for Tuesday afternoon to announce the move.

CBSSports.com reported two months ago that Virginia Commonwealth, George Mason and Butler were in discussions with the Atlantic 10.'

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Haha. Awesome.

However, I think the Octonian had more to do with this secretly than the school presidents...

http://www.cbssports.com/collegefootball/blog/brett-mcmurphy/18983292

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Folks, I'm very sorry for my tardiness. I've almost dropped the ball on one of the most important columns of the year. I know you're waiting with baited breath to find out if we, or anyone else, has a chance to cut down the nets next year.

Obviously, there's several minute variables, like players leaving for the NBA, undeclared recruits, and a little thing called scheduling. However, none of these should greatly affect the outcome of the next season in the most easily-predictable sport on the planet. I've spared you the time of having to sift through it all, and complied my report.

Andy Katz already weighed in about 4 news cycles ago.

So without further hesitation, I offer you my intelligently researched, however belated, peek into the next college hoops season. There really is no questioning the validity of these predictions that I have based on analysis as factually sound as anyone in the sports journalism realm...

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Well, now that I've successfully transitioned myself into 'anybody but Kentucky and thank-god-the-Masters-is-only-next-week' mode, here's some fun tidbits heading into today's Final Four. It's been a great tournament as a whole, and the unpredictability of it has certainly been reflected in the TNIAAM Bracket Challenge.

First, we'll take a look at our top ten:

1) DRBSouthington - 138 [Kentucky]
2) Afino's Losers - 133 [Kentucky]
2) final4cuse - 133 [Syracuse]
4) kohatcuse - 130 [Kentucky]
4) Bim Joeheim [pegs] - 130 [Syracuse]
6) Elvir's palace - 129 [Syracuse]
7) Distraught - 128 [Syracuse]
8) Boeheim/Hopkins 2012 - 125 [Syracuse]
9) Humble&Hungry - 124 [Michigan St]
10) BigE - 123 [Marquette]

DRBSouthington has been holding serve for the most part of this tournament. He/She didn't even leave much of a door open, because they picked KU in the final.

What about the Louisville anomaly, that HAS to be worth a lot of points if they beat Kentucky, right? The stats tell me that only 1 bracket has them in the Championship game...so not so much. Please raise your hand in the comments if you're the one who picked them, because, like, that's awesome. Sorry, I'm not clicking through 269 brackets to see who it is.

There's 4 brackets that can win, 2 are in the Top Ten: DRBSouthington & kohatcuse. The other two, as you guessed, are the highest ranked brackets that have either Kansas [Pat Forde-Hands, currently 22nd] or Ohio St [ShortBoken, currently 14th].

Here are the winning scenarios:

Kentucky over Kansas - DRBSouthington
Kentucky over Ohio St - kohatcuse
L'Ville over Ohio St - kohatcuse
L'Ville over Kansas - DRBSouthington
Kansas over Kentucky - Pat Forde-Hands
Kansas over L'Ville - Pat Forde-Hands
Ohio St over Kentucky - ShortBoken
Ohio St over L'Ville - ShortBoken

Now, for the rest of you who could care less about those 4 lucky bums...there's some interesting factoids and tidbits after the jump...

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How's YOUR bracket? That great, huh?

You can check it here:

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/group/68112

I would love to brag that I correctly picked NC State, Ohio, & USF...because I did. However I also had Vegas in the Elite 8 [which would have been a good possibility given Duke getting dumped]

H/T to 1st place East Coast Bias and anyone else who picked the Norfolk St upset, and likewise for 3rd place Lucy's Picks on getting Lehigh right.

As we all know, however, standings after round 1 often mean jack. In a graduated scoring system [with seed multipliers!], it's all about keeping your Sweet 16 and Elite 8 in tact....can't wait for my USF Sweet 16 pick to vault me about 22 spots in the standings :-)

go ORANGEMENS, and most of all be safe on this St. Patrick's Day!

Nary 2 hours remain to get your bracket registered/saved/set.

Again, here's the link:

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/group/68112

The Password again, and I invoke the phrase 'apropos' here, is: bigbastard

Good Luck Everyone!

Hello kids! Been a little vaporous the last few weeks. Sorry, was too busy sunning myself on South Beach and seeing Radiohead. *sigh*

I'm back with a vengeance and ready to administer this splendiferous calabash of college hoops.

The 2012 TNIAAM NCAA Tournament Pick 'Em

If you are queried for a password, it is entered thusly: bigbastard

1) Crazy insane scoring system. Not only are the points progressive round-by-round, but so are the UNDERDOG SEED MULTIPLIERS. That's right, when your premonition that 7 Temple is going to knock off 2 Kansas in the second round, you'll be rewarded with 5 differential points TIMES 2 for the 'second[third?]' round. So if WKU marches to the championship and beats Kentucky, that would theoretically be worth 96 points (16X6).

2) Keep yourself known. I know many of us are superstitious and loyal to our traditional fantasy-sports-world screen names. My web [and hip-hop] alter ego is 'DJ Tasty Morsel'....however in this case I followed my name with a parenthetical insertion of my TNIAAM name. So, ideally, you'll show up as follows: AwesomeFantasyName[AwesomeTNIAAMname]

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Before my trip down memory lane...

This is THE game. No, not the toughest game of the year, or full of the most hate like Gtown...rather this is the game everyone has been looking forward to since the schedule came out.

Many of us from across the fruited plain will be there.

Felonious Phunk and I are trying something new: We will be at Acropolis on MARSHALL ST when they open at 11am tomorrow. We'll get a solid hour of bad food and good drink in us before forging through the predicted uber-cold temps [the way it should be]. Feel free to join us!

--------

On a larger level, there's a nifty little reunion going on as well. From 2002-04 we were part of a group of fans collectively known as "The Craig Nasties". The name will make sense if you think about it long enough...

Some of us haven't even seen each other since 04-05. We're looking forward to it. We pride ourselves on being the ORIGINAL Front Row...waiting for hours in the freezing cold starting the year the student section finally went general admission (the Championship year, as it was). After us, the torch got passed to guys like Menotti & Bobby, and then slowly Otto's Army grew into what it is today...a group of sadists sleeping on 15 degree concrete for 7 days.

For this trip down memory lane, here's some pictures detailing what a REAL Front Row should look like.

I'm looking so forward to this weekend, hope it's good for all. God, I love the 'Cuse.

GO ORANGEMENS!

This is what Gottlieb means by 'vile'. You should be proud to wear that label:

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Sigh...It feels so incomplete. So much good material unreleased. He left us even before his magnum opus, "Mookpacalypse 15: Friar Tucked" could be mixed and polished.

Let us ponder the cavalcade of works by one of Syracuse's most influential artists of the last 18 months. 15 records [14 EPs and 1 remix tape] in just under 2 years. His star shined so bright, it was a mushroom cloud. Mookie, thank you for the soundtrack to my life.

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We are number 1,
Alas, haters increasing
It's AWESOME BABY

The Melo Boutique,
Best Brazillian Swag Around.
Only accepts charges.

Lacrosse season soon.
No respect for the Orange.
Shove it where unseen.

Pennsylvania ball.
Be it played any more?
Oh, yes, at Temple.

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Sixteen-oh, are we.
Clairvoyant one sees twenty.
Mookpocalypse Now.

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There have been many comparisons and similarities between these to programs. Both Jims' win totals, BET and Season titles. Both have been to multiple Final Fours in the last 30 years. Scandals, suspensions, and unexpected successes.

Now, UConn and Syracuse share the 1 and 2 spots, respectively, on ESPNs 'Not Top 10' of the year.

Not Braun's faceplant, not the Mets' balk-off, not the Angels' wild-pitch-on-intentional-walk-off, not EVEN Garret icing his own kicker [not even on list?!?!?!}

See for yourself. At least with our play it's not so much 'Syracuse' as it is the referees.

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=7403614&categoryid=2378529

Ok kids here we go:

Basic details here, vittles checklist after jump.

PLEASE CHECK IN ASAP IF YOU'RE STOPPING BY SO THOSE OF US GETTING FOOD STUFFS GET RIGHT AMOUNT.


Tailgate location is tentatively planned for 8:45am in the same lot as last year [across from Marshall Square back lot]. Bookmark this thread because I will live update where we end up. You'll know us because of an SU Easy-up [good, because it looks like some liquid sunshine that day], SU Cornhole, and a big blue SU Flag.

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So, here we go, our first official game in the wilderness.

I'm so glad we ended up with this one, because I'm sure we all have emotions, and what better place to express them then at the Dome.

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UPDATE 11:42am.

-Just drove down to Exit 6 ramp and 81 seems to be moving smoothly. Again, there's one-lane traffic between parts exit 6 & 7, but there doesn't look to be significant slowdown. Proceed as normal....ignore alternate routes below.

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***TRAFFIC UPDATE***  in my comment below

----------------------------

Way off topic, but for those from out of the area if you haven't seen or heard, we're exceeding the record 2006 flooding.

The remnants of TS Lee stalled over Binghamton and dropped 11 inches of rain when only 2 was expected.

In 36 hours this event went from afterthought to whats becoming the worst natural disaster in the area's history.

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Why are we surprised, why are are outraged?

Would we be as outraged if Mr Nevin spent $100k, rented Doral for a day, and took 72 guys on a bus trip to learn golf?

I'm not saying we don't need to overhaul the NCAA's oversight, but what we first need to do is reevaluate the way we look at the perceived 'morality' of amateur sports.

It seems to me that we have some irrationally romantic and archaic attachment to idea. Like sports writers         keeping baseball players out of the Hall of Fame, even though the drugs the players took at the time were legal,  simply because the writers couldn't stand the newfound ephemeral nature of the 'olde recourds.'

We have a very flawed attachment the concept of amateur sports. Do you really think olympic athletes
don't have a job in real life to make some money? No! In fact some of the most inspiring stories are of everyday
kids from humble beginnings, training for whatever niche sport while sweeping fast foot joints just to get by!
Many will say that college football players have a job, and it's titled "representative of the university". Well,
coaches represent the university too, and for that they get north of seven digits.

I'm not saying colleges should outright pay football players on a weekly basis, but why do we have such a repulsed reaction to getting them in on the revenue?

Has anyone considered having a bond program for football players who graduate? Damn.
What better carrot on a stick to graduate than to have a $40,000 long-term bond waiting after graduation.
Hell, give them club level seat options for life! Use all these things to build a stronger alumni base.
If a player is too good to stay out of the pros past junior year, fine, then they forefit their bond.
It doesn't matter, because they'll get a hefty signing bonus anyway.

The NCAA needs to stop worrying about boosters. If someone is helping a kid out as a 3rd party, that's money the
school doesn't need to spend! The most important thing is that they prevent boosters from contact during the
RECRUITMENT process. All that's at stake here is making sure there's a semi-equal playing field for recruiting.

However, once a kid's on campus and signed in for 4 years, who cares if someone gives him a couple hundos a
week? To me, it's the NATURE of the gifts Nevin gave that are repugnant, not the act of charity itself.

Keep boosters away from recruits and coaches. After hours, as long as nothing illegal is going on, then who cares?

Don't tell me it's not fair to the other student athletes in say, rowing, that football players would get some lettuce;
it's not uncommon that students in the 'Olympic' sports are on partial scholarships anyway. There's already inequity.

Revenue sharing shouldn't interfere with Title IX either, all that stipulates is a University spend equal amounts on
various male/female programs. If Title IX dictated that all sports had to generate the same amount of revenue,
then all the patrons in the stadium  would have to be PAID to show up so the University could show a loss equal
to what sports like volleyball no doubt create in a bottom line environment.

The environment IS the bottom line in football. No other amateur sport has seat selection days. No other amateur sport requires that you dump thousands simply for the right to dump thousands more. If you are so self-rightous as to honestly believe that a game where,hundreds of stadiums fill weekly with tens-of-thousands of people spending hundreds-of-millions of dollars is apples-to-apples with discus practice out back of the public gym, then you are an accessory to the rampant exploitation of these kids.

Look at the ridiculous fact that a player cannot be given any of the royalties from sales of the video game with their likeness in it. What's that? Oh, I'm sorry, 'it's not them, it's just a number,' you say?  I call bullshit. This is Crispin Glover v Robert Zemeckis 101. We know what the first thing almost every kid does when he buys that game, edits the names to match the real life players. Heck, if I'm said kid's most hated quarterback on a rival team, I still want some cash for his ability to name me 'PoopFaceHead' or 'HeHateMeMore'.

Of course you know all of this, but to you it's just the way you've rationalized that it's just part of the 'way things are.' The way we justify this as acceptable is no different then the way we've compartmentalized the terms "prostitute" and 'escort.'

If you are saying Nevin's actions were reprehensible because of the salacious nature of his gifts,then you have a point.
If you are saying Nevin's actions were reprehensible because college football is an amateur entity, then you have
allowed yourself to be sold a bill of goods as phony, void, and worthless as the paper that landed our antagonist in
prison.

Again why are we surprised, why are we outraged? Because of a few morally repugnant actions, we've allowed ourselves to become closed-minded to question anything about the practicality and, honestly, sensibility of what we dogmatically call "improper benefits"

Praise to those trying to keep hookers off of children. Shame on those trying to keep the                                   providers of their fortune off the stack.

Magicians of all ages and student members of this site are invited to a good ol timey time!

What should make this year more interesting is that we will spend a lot of festive tailgate time AFTER the game as well..but of course that doesn't mean we're not starting early :-)

The Plan:

- Get my car in the lot across from Marshall Square Mall by 9am (same as last year). It's a jet black Chevy HHR SS.

- Look for SU flag (duh), aforementioned car and loud music.

- Food Folks & Fun until about 11:30, then head for dome.

- Resume after game for at least one round of grillin'... party til dark.

The Goods:

- 2 charcoal hibachis and a small coleman stove.

- Cornhole, Pong, Can Jam provided.

- Music & Lyrics.

- Name tags.

BYOstuff:

- There will probably be some extra brats and burgs, but feel free to donate any meat you see fit.

- I'll bring some soda. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Seriously, kiddie drinks on the house. If you want to contribute other things, I'll be sure to ice up the coolers and have them on hand.

- Munchies. Again, will probably be plenty on hand anyway, but if you care to donate, be my guest.

- I'll bring my camp 4-5 camp chairs, but if you have one of your own, I'd advise it.

Immediate Need:

- Not that we're planning on liquid sunshine, but does anyone have an easy-up they can bring if come Friday it doesn't look promising?

THERE WILL NOT BE A VIDEO CAMERA AGAIN THIS YEAR....but some nice pictures to commemorate our gathering may be on hand.

Please keep in touch below, let me know if your in, and especially if you need space for a vehicle close by. Otherwise just keep in touch below.

*****UPDATE 08:54 17 Aug 2011*****

Phunk, myself, & my cuz are zeroing in on Toledo, a nooner on the 24th with great LL sideline seats for cheap on Stubhub.

Tailgate, theoretically, will commence at 9am at, hopefully, the same spot as last year with intention, ideally, to then get it really crankin' after the game.

Confirmation to come by this time next week. If it comes to pass, you know the drill.

P.S. Where did last year's enormously awesome Cuse-pong table/buffet originate from? Pinker?

----------------------------------------

Whitherist happening?

Whilst smoting the Islanders of Rhode with brute might & pithy words?

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http://www.yardbarker.com/college_basketball/articles/former_duke_pg_syracuse_qb_greg_paulus_now_ohio_state_video_guy/4799639

Greg Paulus has been added to the Ohio State Buckeyes men’s basketball staff as video coordinator, head coach Thad Matta announced Thursday. You remember Paulus? Of course you do, ESPN over-saturated their coverage of him.

Paulus had a very successful college basketball career at Duke (2006-09) and a one-year stint playing quarterback at Syracuse while pursuing a master’s degree. As you recall he wasn’t very good at college football. But he did play on four NCAA?Tournament teams with the Blue Devils, helping them to a 112-28 record while leading the team in assists in 2006, 2007 and 2008.

He spent the 2010-11 campaign as an assistant coach at Navy and will now be primarily responsible for breaking down team and opponent video for scouting and analysis for the two-time defending Big Ten champion Buckeyes.

So Paulus has now experience in the Big Ten, Big East, and ACC. (Navy is an independent)

“We are excited to have Greg join our program,” Matta said. “I have known Greg dating back to when I recruited him out of high school. He brings a wealth of knowledge as a young man who has played basketball at the highest level in addition to his year as a full time Division I coach. He is a rising star in the coaching business.”

As a freshman in 2006, Paulus was a member of the ACC All-Freshman first team, the ACC?All-Tournament second team and a second-team freshman All-American while averaging 6.7 ppg and 5.2 apg. He remains one of just four freshmen in ACC history to lead the league in assists, joining North Carolina’s Ed Cota (1997), Georgia Tech’s Kenny Anderson (1990) and current American coach and former Virginia standout Jeff Jones (1979) as freshman to accomplish the feat.

Paulus was invited to the New Orleans Saints minicamp in both May and June of 2010, but was not offered a contract.

That's it, I'm a little pissed. I'm calling all of your out...even the ones I agree with more often [Kotite] than not [ezcuze].

I'm sick of you so-called 'Big East" lovers tossing CHARTER MEMBERS over as if they were yesterday's trash.

The history of our conference involves Final Four trips by both SH & Prov. Granted, Prov hasn't been to the Sweet 16 since I believe 1997 or 98, but nonetheless....if they weren't being suffocated by the log jam of top-pedigree schools they'd be just fine (and are still competitive to boot!)

I love football, but until all 11 conference champions + 5 at-large form a 16 team playoff...it all just feels a couple clicks more legit than the WWE or the NBA.

I've said for a while the BE cannot last forever as constituted, but allowing UCF football to dictate our thinking about the strongest and most historical facet of our conference is short-sighted and asinine.

Face it, even when Syracuse, BC, VTech, and Miami were Top 20 teams they still called it the "Big Least."

You take out Georgetown, St Johns, Marquette, Notre Dame, SH, and Prov...you know what happens?

We go from the #1 Basketball Conference & #6/7 Football Conference to the #3/4 Basketball Conference & STILL the #6/7 Football Conference.

The Big East IS Syracuse/Georgetown.

Any argument that removes that from the equation is impotent.

I'm not speaking in romantics either. There is a connection to money and success. The Big Ten [12] IS Michigan/Ohio St. You think if one jumped to another conference that the rivalry would have the same gravitas? It's a moot point, because the Big Ten NEEDS Michingan/Ohio St for it's identity.

You all think TCU and UCF and Nova are going to make us anything other than the stag poindexter at prom? Hell, no. The pedigree slurpers run college football, and until they don't, nothing we do is going to make us more accepted or make us more money.

Nor is it going to make us care about football to the same level that they do! Down South, it's ONLY football. People actually care about "spring games" & "rivals.com" and they plan their entire year on it. Up here, football is always going to be on equal plane with Basketball. I'm sorry, but the average Northeast sports fan is a balanced fan who could give two shits about what happens in football before August 31st. Baseball, Golf, Hockey/NBA playoffs, hell, even the Triple Crown commands some attention!

Bring back in Temple?!?!?!? Are you serious?!?!? Does it occur to ANYONE that maybe a big portion of their success is because they play MAC football? If they join, the first thing they'll do is plummet into the basement again. I guess maybe it would be nice to go see Cuse at the Linc, so we can what, stay in Philly all week to see another game at a soccer stadium? Two football teams from the same league in the same city is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Recruiting cannot work that way, and neither team will get a decent piece of the pie. In 5 years you'll be begging to kick both of them out.

This same logic applies to UCF. Tampa and Orlando are too close to co-exist in the same football conference.

Dump DePaul...add Nova football, and that's it. 16 B-Ball, 9 Football. We get equal home-and-aways and still have 3-4 OOC spots to fill.

I hope you guys don't get what you're asking for, because it will mean the entire bastardization of our conference's identity.

I mean it would seem a no-brainer to pork Jennifer Anniston if I had the chance, but that moment of transcendent glory would be quickly replaced the realization that, by cheating on my [already-hot] wife I've completely usurped all my integrity and respect that took years to build.

Oh, except there is no "Jennifer Anniston"-like football program out there for us anyway! UCF is Julia Stiles at best...unique enough at first look to trick you into thinking she's hot.

#2, says he.

http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketball/story/14903810/ridiculously-early-preseason-top-25-and-one-uk-no-1-as-of-now

We could explore the the inanity of Mr. Parrish's usual analysis...but isn't he the guy who, before the 2009-10 season predicted Butler was going to the Final Four? [maybe it was Dodd, it was someone at Sportsline]

Neither here nor there about the #2 prediction...what bugged me was this comment from the peanut gallery:

""I'm a die hard Cuse fan, but until Jimmy B leaves or budges on never playing man to man D then They wont even get past the first weekend. Like usual!"

I used to be one of these people. Until I realized how many points are created on the fast break when the zone is executed CORRECTLY. Seldom have we truly gotten burned throughout an entire game by the 3.

Vermont? T-Rex doesn't hang and we win.

Marquette? 18 TOs ain't cuttin' it.

Seton Hall? I'll give you that one.

Point is, Jimmy knows that if we play solid zone, the law of averages will even out hot 3-point shooting over the course of 99% of games.

When we lose, it's not because he won't play man, it's because our players don't trust the zone and fully commit to it. When a guard jumps out too far up top to roll the dice on a steal, he exposes the high pick & roll off the other guard or leaves the opportunity for the PG to blow by him to the hoop.

A friend asked me how many more points would we prevent a hot-shooting team from getting if we went man, I said "it's hard to calculate if it would be worth it, because it would also force us into more half-court offensive sets when the zone creates so many more interception/long rebound opportunities that lead to easy run-outs." Sure we'd defend more threes, but we'd have fewer easy looks on the other end (let's not forget that run-outs lead to the best looks from 3 as well)

Point is, I realized long ago that Jimmy's reluctance to leave the zone isn't stubbornness, it's temperance.

http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketball/tournaments/conference/BIGE/big-east-tournament-bracket

Seton Hall needs to beat 3 teams they've already beaten to make it to the Semis, where they could face a UConn team they only lost to by 2pts.

They lost to the top 4 on the other half of the bracket quite handily, but 2 of them was while Hazell was out, and the way their playing now...

should Marquette take care of Providence, and SH stays this hot...

I'm JUST sayin'

Of course, we're going to beat them on Thursday anyway...but I'm JUST SAYIN' if what-shall-not-be-directly-addressed-out-loud happens, I want credit for being the first to draw attention to it....

I know it's not sports related, but sometimes we like to share our joy in other things here too...

Plus, if you went to college anywhere between 1997 & 2007, you're prettying much obliged to

be a fan...

http://www.thekingoflimbs.com/

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Before you read on, don't say I didn't warn you that this gets pretty raunchy, like David Duchovny

in Californication style. All I can say is it was fueled by booze, boredom, and post-loss frustration.

I stand by my humorous musings, but again, don't say I didn't warn you...

-------------------------------

In a moral quandary over what to do on Valentine's Day while the Cuse is playing?

First off, if you're in a quandary, you need to have your devotion checked.

Second, if you have had it checked and still find yourself in a predicament, this guide is for you.

Third, most specifically this is for those who will miss the game entirely, but still want to
incorporate the essence of all things Cusey into their romantic evening.

These simple pointers and suggestions will ensure that you do not forget your first love whilst
you fein attention and devotion to your non-sports-related 'soul mate'.

1) Buy her a chocolate orange. She wants chocolate, you want orange. Perfect match.

2) Eat at an establishment that features Far-Eastern cuisine. There's guaranteed to be a few dishes
     that have Mandarin Orange in them.

3) Have Orange Sherbet for dessert.

4) Instead of roses, find some Queen Anne's Lace and soak them in water with orange food coloring.
    (you should start this post-haste, as the more time passes before presentation, the more orange the
     flowers). She'll love the effort more than anything else.

5) Every time you say "I love you," and she's not looking directly at you, mouth the word "Juli" to yourself.

6) Orange massage oils are best...as well as candles.

7) Given Victoria Secrets' modern penchant for all things collegiate, have a little role-play fun!
     (If you're not a current student, decorate the bedroom like a dorm. You know, bulletin boards with
       the criss-cross lace pictures-holders and the like...)
      Have her dress in a UConn robe. You wait outside the room....
      After a few minutes, she shrieks "HELP!".
      You bust in, wearing orange spandex and your Rob Long Underoos.
      "What is the matter my dear lady?!?!?!"
      "Woe is me! Someone stole my laptop!"
      "Don't worry, Missy, I found it!"
      You then hand her a laptop.
      "Oh, my hero! I will forever be a Syracuse fan now!"
      She rips off the robe to reveal a Cuse-themed bra and thong.
      You then do it.

8) Doggy style is preferable, because then you can put an Otto sticker over
    her tramp-stamp...unless she already has an Otto tramp-stamp...which means you're a lucky
    man and you don't need any of my help.

9) When things really heat up, and you're trying to focus so as not to climax early, imagine the
    sound is really an opponent's point guard repeatedly dribbling the ball trying desperately to
    find someone to pass the ball to in the zone. This should buy you 35 seconds. After that, you have
    to imagine the opponent getting the rebound and a fresh clock, because the idea of AO getting the board
    and Johnny & Andy executing a run-out is too intense to handle without [ahem] shooting yourself.

10) Orange condoms are best. She's on the pill, you say? She's your wife, you say? You're trying to have a child,                  you say?
       Poke a hole in it and use it anyway.

11) At this point, you should have fed her at least 5 Bacardi Orange & Vanilla Cokes. My brother invented this drink             and called it "Sexual Healing." It is proven in the field of practice to lead to such things.

12) By now she should be passed out from fine cuisine, booze, chocolate, massage oils, & super-hot Otto sex.
       Every part of her, spiritually and physically, should be effervescing orange.
       If you've played your cards right, it's only 8pm. That means while she's comatose, you're turning on the tube
       to catch the second half.

You're welcome. Happy Valentine's Day.