So, remember 2009 y'all? Physical, hotly contested ball game between two very good teams? Remember the controversial call at the end of the game? Where, for all the world, it looked like Patrick Peterson picked off GMac?

via www.thewizofodds.com

Totally a catch. Rather than debate it, embrace it: own it. It will make 2011 that much more intense.

via i2.cdn.turner.com

Y U MAD, LSU?! IT'S JUST A BAD CALL IN A SERIES NOTED FOR BAD CALLS (AND NO-CALLS).

Some of the stuff below is from an old Fanshot I did in Feb. Anyway, with Football Season rapidly approaching, we need to get some final coordination worked out: 10 days til Football season. 12 Days till Alabama kicks off, and 47 days till Homecoming a/k/a The Bamapocalypse.

For those not on the Twit-o-sphere, there is some fantastic news that perhaps would be of interest to those seeking to interact/have a real-life meetup. (and, for those that are, check the #bamapocalypse tag).

It's happening. And it will be upon us sooner than you know.

A whole host of  transcontinental lunatics will be descending upon Tuscaloosa/Birmingham on the weekend of Saturday, October 8, 2011 for an RBR/Bama Meet-n-Greet and Weekend that would give Bacchus a hangover..

This is the Vandy game, which means that not only will there be debauchery aplenty, the chances of a heartbreaking, mean-drunk-inducing loss is practically nil.

Thus, while we have a date, and plane tickets, and (for some people not named Stuck, our game tickets), we do not have the following:

• Meeting place: We will definitely be hooking up Bo at Egan's (seriously, tip the man well...baby needs a new pair of shoes). But, we do not have any pre-determined location on the Quad or other tailgating area. Local help/coordination in this area would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
• It seems that many of us will be chilling in B'ham on Thurs or Friday, I believe than Bamagirlinvegas, Queen and I (and likely many others), are flying into/staying in that port of call. Suggestions on boozeage, coordination of pickups, etc. are greatly welcome
• Comestibles: We gotta' get our grub on. Potluck? Catering? Good ole' fashioned 6:00 a.m. gametime drinking/cooking?
• Crash pads: Hopefully we'll have accomodations sorted out, but floor space for visitors who are too drunk to drive or need a corner by the litter box would be helpful
• Tickets: Some people will invariably need tickets. Got a hookup? A spare? A "guy"? Let us know.
• Ride Share/carpooling and/or Airport/Amtrack/Greyhound pickup. For those in the 'Ham, some carpooling would be awesome for people flying in.
• Other miscellaneous shit that I'm forgetting because I'm mentally spent. i.e., chime in with things that I've omitted.

So, please chime in below with ideas, suggestions, probabilities of attending, random gifts of panties and club drugs, a hearty "F' YOU", or whatever else you feel like contributing.

BTW: for the uninitiated, you can find us lurking on Twitter under various names. For instance, Stuck becomes "gothlaw". Also, I think we've just started using the hashtag as noted above. It seems to work, and it'll be easy to check when these "reply alls" start taking up way too many of the 140 characters.

Anyway, hope to see you all there. -E

Yesterday, we began setting the scene by looking at interesting facts and coincidental acquaintances, and examining   the first 5 of our players underlying the malaise presently afflicting college football, particularly The Auburn Assistants and Oregon generally, and Chip Kelly in particular.

 

Cash money: Not just for Lynn Lang anymore, y'all!

 

Today, we'll delve into more background, specifically some secondary schools in this rot, and the Mayberry Machiavelli known as Willie Lyes. I maintain we are dealing with a largely negligent, largely accidental conspiracy that stretches from coast-to-coast, and has at its roots two programs, with two new head coaches, both of whom were facing  must-win scenarios.

Let's continue, shall we.

Dramatis Personæ

 

6. Willie Lyles loves some Chip Kelly/Mike Belotti, Auburn's Stench Continues, & LSU has got some 'splain' to do - Willie Lyles is, by now, pretty much at the forefront of the news. The story du jour is of Lyles receiving $25,000 for backdated "recruiting" information on guys 2-3 years into various college programs. The Texas huckster is most intimately connected at the moment with Lache Seastrunk and the Oregon Ducks.

But, Lyles influence (and ultimately the rot) goes far deeper than this 5-star knucklehead and the Ducks alone. Remember, at one point, six teams were in serious contention for Seastrunk's services: The Crimson Tide, the Cal Golden Bears, Oregon, the Texas Longhorns, the LSU Tigers, and our Lil' Sister, the Auburn Tigers.  Seastrunk did eventually jilt Texas, Cal and LSU, narrowing the field to three: Alabama, Oregon, Auburn. Then, following the "Big Cat Weekend", Seastrunk famously tried to rip on Nick Saban. This left three players: Auburn, Oregon and Willie Lyles.

 

Nico 2.0 called, he wants his hipster glasses back.

 

And, though Cal and LSU were jilted, it wasn't before the Bears and Whos had already paid Lyles for his "recruiting services", although "not as much [as Oregon] did".  Auburn and Oregon remaining, we are left to the recruiter/street agent/handler Wilie Lyles to provide access to Seastrunk and, by his own admission, function as an influence peddler.

Lyles told Yahoo that he now believes Oregon paid $25,000 for "my access and influence with recruits."

"The service I provided went beyond what a scouting service should …," Lyles told Yahoo. "I made a mistake and I’m big enough of a man to admit I was wrong."

Is this all for Lyles? Not even close. Before the Seastrunk incident blew up, Lyle's fingerprints were all over several other Texas recruits, including the entire rest of the backfield of the Ducks '10 BCS team. In December 2007, Mike Belotti is asked to interview for the UCLA job, thus recruiting during the post-bowl period is left largely to the staff. Who do the assistants meet through Willie Lyles? None other than Heisman candidates Darron Thomas (Texarkana) and LaMicheal James (Houston). And, who went with Lyles on these January 2008 recruiting junkets in Texas? None other than Belotti assistants OC Chip Kelly and RB Coach Gary Campbell.

Less than a week after Kelly meets with James, Lamichael verbally commits to Oregon. Darron Thomas follows suit two weeks thereafter. Both sign LOIs a month after meeting Kelly/Campbell. Then, in May 2008, and twice in July 2008, Oregon writes three separate $6500 checks to Willie Lyle's "recruiting service". (Sound familiar? This is the exact pattern that would be evident in Seastrunk's recruiting a year later, when Chip Kelly was the head man.). 

December 2008, Chip Kelly flies to Texas and has dinner with Lyles. A week later, Kelly is named HCIW. Chip and Gary Campbell again go to Texas, and through Lyles recruiting packages, begin to recruit some more 4-5 star guys. This time, in Feb and March of 2009 they recruit RBs Dontae Williams and Lache Seastrunk. Kelly is appointed Head Coach in March 2009, and Lyles receives two separate $10,000 checks from Oregon therafter, via the athletic department ran by former coach, Mike Belotti.

But, who else was receiving Lyle's "recruiting packages" for these guys: Darron Thomas, Lache Seastrunk, LaMichaal James? None other than LSU (Seastrunk/Thomas) and Auburn (Seastrunk). Despite good money, all three recruited by Chip Kelly personally, and through the advice and influence of Willie Lyles, would - along with Dontae Williams - become Ducks.

..and we're still not done with Lyles...

 

Well, we've got it established that Auburn paid for Lyles' services, but lost out on Seastrunk to Oregon through Lyles' influence. We've got Cal and Texas A&M trying to bid their way into contention through recruiting payments to Lyles, but both eventually being outbid by Oregon and Auburn in the competition. We've got a pre-existing cozy relationship between Kelly and Lyles while Kelly was still OC. And, more damning, we've got payments to Lyles, through Belotti, that started while Belotti was the HC. So, Belotti signs off on the checks as head coach following the pickup of Thomas/James; then, as AD, would continue signing them following the LOIs of Seastrunk/Williams.

Enter the curiouser and curioser case of LSU, a team I don't believe necessarily cheats, but, the paper so far indicates LSU paid for unsuccessful "recruiting packages" to Lyles for both Thomas and Seastrunk. Surely some of the teams that had a little uncle sugar in the pot don't get Ducked all the time do they? Let's ask then about the odd recruitment of Patrick Peterson, shall we.

 

Bwhahaha, of course it was in, silly Corndogs.

 

Patrick Peterson, all-everything LSU CB, out of Ft. Lauderdale was once upon a time going to be a Texas A&M Aggie. What is the route to College Station from Ft. Lauderdale? Through one Willie Lyles, who in addition to the "Texas" package, also offered a "Florida" and "National package". As you may recall, Lyles, who had chummed up with Peterson, visited A&M with Willie Lyles. Also in the mix, were Florida, LSU or course, and Auburn (under Eddie Gran, of whom we shall see more of later).

But, of all the things that rang hollow about the recruiting of Peterson, was the later discovery that Lyles offered "access" to Texas A&M for a meager $80,000, and eventually shopped PP to other teams as well. Lyles involvement continued throughout the recruiting process, and all sides have denied payment to Lyles for "recruiting packages" (including a very botched series of lies by Peterson regarding even visiting A&M)

But isn't it odd, that a known influence peddler handled the Nation's Number 5 recruit, shopped said recruit, LSU vehemently denies paying Peterson, yet checks were written by the Whos to said peddler...for the next three years for "recruiting packages". And, further, take a look at the assistants and schools who were "recruiting" Peterson at the same time Lyles was known to be shopping him around:

• Eddie Gran, who worked for the corrupt Miami teams of the early 90s (with Tubs as DC), the sanctioned Ole Miss Tuberville teams of the mid 90s, Auburn (under Tuberville), Tennessee (under paragon Lane Kiffin), and now a resurgent, immediate recruiting dynamo in Tallahassee.
  
• John Blake, who hasn't been in the news, at all. Nope. Note also, it's not like he doesn't recruit Texas or anything...
• Kenny Norton Jr, USC under that also wholesome guy, Pete Carroll. 

But, LSU sends in Earl Lane, D-Line coach. That's it. No D Coordinator' no position coach, no Hat: Just a guy who promptly and abruptly leaves after that season to go work with Jim Leavitt at the friggin University of South Florida.

If there's not a lot to explain, then why does it smell so bad? And, the best that can be said for this chapter of the Lyles book, is that hey, at least Oregon wasn't in the picture.

 

Up next we get Californified, meet  Miami (Hialeah) Vice, and have a Sevensome.

 

-Erik

 

ED: Don't think for a second I've forgotten about Auburn/Lyles guy, Trovon Reed and others. They will appear when we start making sense of it all. BUT, in the meanwhile, Crimson and Cream Machine has even more information on the Kelly/Lyles/Ducks troika.

Good read; here's an excerpt:

In addition to working on Seastrunk’s national letter of intent, Lyles said he secured a study course at Sylvan Learning Center in 2009 for the then high school junior in an effort to help him with schoolwork and standardized testing. Lyles said Jeff Wood, the father of then University of Texas quarterback recruit Connor Wood, paid the $4,000-plus bill. Connor and Seastrunk were teammates on a 7-on-7 squad coached by Lyles. Jeff Wood declined comment when reached by Yahoo! Sports. Lyles said he personally asked Wood to help and Wood did so "out of the goodness of his heart." He said he doesn’t believe Wood was seeking to influence Seastrunk’s recruiting and said, to his knowledge, neither Oregon nor Texas knew of the tutoring.

There is an octet of sleaze in College Football...

And, like a zit upon a hairy-palmed fourteen year-old's face, it desperately needs to erupt and issue forth its vile fruits. The pain, embarrassment and stench will turn stomachs, to be sure, but 'tis better to air out the infection and let a lil' sunshine in. (fn1)

So, peel back the curtains and take a look at the headlines that dominated the past two years' of CFB, going so far as to threaten to  consume the '10 football season.

Purchasing influence. Ohio State Buckeyes. Tattoos. Tennessee Volunteers. Federal drug interdiction. North Carolina Tarheels. Street Agents. University of Oregon. Seven-on-Seven camps. Auburn University. Bags of cash and willful blindness. (fn2)

What makes this scandal potentially apocalyptic is the sheer scope of what we're dealing with: the number of players, the diverse sheistiness,  the relatively small sums of money, and not just one scummy layer, but eight tiers -- a full octet -- of eventually-interrelated corruption...

Continue reading this post »

It's our hope to update this about once a week, with group queries, new info and consensus opinions. Check back often...first update below

For those not on the Twit-o-sphere, there is some fantastic news that perhaps would be of interest to those seeking to interact/have a real-life meetup.

It's happening. And it will be upon us sooner than you know.

Queen, TWesq., Bammer, BamagirlinVegas, Sis, Nico, (probably Todd), AlabamaJammer, ChineseDentist, probably TowerofBammer, SoundCheckMama, CrowAMO (sorry if I ommitted a name, I'm doing this by memory); homies from Twitter-land; and whole host of other transcontinental lunatics will be descending upon Tuscaloosa/Birmingham on the weekend of Saturday, October 8, 2011 for an RBR/Bama Meet-n-Greet.

This is the Vandy game, which means that not only will there be debauchery aplenty, the chances of a heartbreaking, mean-drunk-inducing loss is practically nil.

Thus, while we have a date, and plane tickets, and (for some people not named Stuck, our game tickets), we do not have the following:

• Meeting place: We will definitely be hooking up Bo at Egan's (seriously, tip the man well...baby needs a new pair of shoes). But, we do not have any pre-determined location on the Quad or other tailgating area. Local help/coordination in this area would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
• Comestibles: We gotta' get our grub on. Potluck? Catering? Good ole' fashioned 6:00 a.m. gametime drinking/cooking?
• Crash pads: Hopefully we'll have accomodations sorted out, but floor space for visitors who are too drunk to drive or need a corner by the litter box would be helpful
• Tickets: Some people will invariably need tickets. Got a hookup? A spare? A "guy"? Let us know.
• Ride Share/carpooling and/or Airport/Amtrack/Greyhound pickup. For those in the 'Ham, some carpooling would be awesome for people flying in.
• Other miscellaneous shit that I'm forgetting because I'm mentally spent. i.e., chime in with things that I've omitted.

So, please chime in below with ideas, suggestions, probabilities of attending, random gifts of panties and club drugs, a hearty "F' YOU", or whatever else you feel like contributing.

BTW: for the uninitiated, you can find us lurking on Twitter under various names. For instance, Stuck becomes "BigIslandLaw". Also, I think we've just started using the hashtag #RBRmeetup. It seems to work, and it'll be easy to check when these "reply alls" start taking up way too many of the 140 characters. Perhaps an email list-serv once this gets too large to manage with micro-blogging?

Anyway, hope to see you all there. -E

 

UPDATE WEEK ONE:

Looks like we've got plenty of folks willing to do airport pickup, carpool, and share some floorspace. Y'all are awesome for coming through for fellow Bammers in need. Also, it looks as though Egan's will be the pre-game spot. Still undecided is tailgate spots, as many will not be able to get over to the Strip pre-game.

And, more importantly, is ticket info. Sis, Ben, Bammer and others were musing this morning about best way for non-ticket holders to go about this. Stubhub presently has mid-level seating, in blocks of 2-8, with a market price of $130-$225 (on average). The good seating is mostly sold out. I'm going to try to hit up some folks for a block ticket, and thought others may want to coordinate to purchase block seating so that we can be particularly obnoxious for the duration. Thoughts?

Ladies (and the 10% of you who bat for the visiting team, NTTAWT), I have some exceptionally sad news for you all: As of 8:00 a.m. tomorrow local, e.g., when the courthouse opens, your cross-dressing, foul-mouthed, intrepid lover of dick jokes, dark humor, socialist politics, power running games and massive Polynesian defensive tackles will no longer be on the market, so to speak.

After four years of patience, four bar exams, overlapping law school experiences, two gall bladder removals, cringe-inducing expenses to move to Hawaii, and five blizzards, the long-suffering Girlie and I took matters into our own hands: We eloped yesterday during my lunch break, after my pulling an all-nighter for emergency work stuff. The wedding officiant signed off, the application was filled off, now (after yet another all-nighter), we just need to get the damn thing filed with the Court. And must do so by tomorrow.

Congratulations, some may say, but why the rush? Well, since Erin is also an attorney, and as we have conjoined debts from the relocation, and I have superior benefits, we decided to do it for the very good reason of tax benefits.* Hell, when you're my age, romance takes a distant second to married-filing-joint so as not to lose her portion of the moving expenses. And, she has to have a root canal, pretty quickly.

Romantic? No. But, if you love someone, and you're already planning the wedding, then why not set them free (from out of pocket expenses)? So, Queen, 'Mama, Vicky, Peyton, Sis, Bammer**...I fear that you will have to stop queuing up in the bushes, as I am now legally obligated to curb my inclinations and tend towards monogamy. At the very least, I will hopefully have a "happily ever after" :)

BTW: Each and every one of you are invited to the ceremony. The official "wedding" (e.g., our families, who do not and will never know about this) is scheduled during AEA week, on Sat. March 12, 2010. Seriously, all are welcome to come. Free food and booze; no gifts requested or accepted...just hang out on the beach, drink, hike, ogle hot chicks, surf, golf, etc.

Happy New Year's to you all and Roll Tide.

-E

* This is all tongue in cheek; however, the refund/credit difference between now and a month from now is about $9000. We can ALL use $9K.

** (totally wondering if he will catch this!)

This comes from Alternet; the full piece is heyah; the relevant portion follows:

10/ Nick Saban: A coach's fabulous crimson ride

America’s college football coaches seem to have made an end run around the Great Recession. In 2006, only 10 of the about 120 big-time college football coaches took home at least $2 million a year. The 2010 total: 38.

The king of them all: the University of Alabama’s Nick Saban, with a 2010 takehome at $6,087,349, six times the college football coaching average. Only five coaches in all of professional sports will this year make more than Saban.

Forbes has labeled Saban the “most powerful coach in sports,” and his many perks -- everything from two cars to a contract clause that lets him exit Alabama at any time without taking a financial penalty -- amply confirm that assessment.

Financial penalties, meanwhile, are abounding throughout the rest of Alabama's public sector. Budget cuts have forced some colleges in the state to up tuition as much as 23 percent. The state’s overall education budget dropped 9.5 percent in 2010, and local school boards now see no way to “avoid major layoffs.”

Saban, for his part, has been blasting the “greed” of sports agents who sneak college athletes cash in hopes of cashing out big themselves when the athletes turn pro. In August, Saban called these agents no better “than a pimp.”

A pimp, responded one national sports writer, displays a “willingness to physically exploit young people” the pimp claims “to protect” and, “above all, a love of money.” That definition, continued Fox Sports analyst Mark Kriegel, just might fit Nick Saban, Alabama’s most “highly paid state employee.”

FWIW, Alternet is hit or miss, in my experience. When they stick to issues of substance there are articles to recommend (e.g., these are analytical pieces of prior research, such as that done by CSM and the like). However, when Alternet jumps the shark with these "Bleacher Report"-esque Top Ten lists, the effort is less that of counterpoised journalism, and instead reads more like an ill-informed drum circle manifesto...Hell, and I'm a leftist!

I hereby make a modest proposal: Let's be responsive to what the site mods author. In that spirit, let us take this opportunity here, in a single FanPost, to express all of our hostility/pent up rage/frustrations/disappointment/salubrious venting/catharsis/irrational calls for benchings and/or firings, and the like.

  I know, I know. This gif is usually for second-half threads. Consider this post my second-half...of dyspepsia

For instance, I'll start:

• Kirby Smart, you got outcoached by Gary Crowton in the 4th Quarter? Did that really just happen?
• Greg McElroy, are you thankful that your Rhodes application didn't include a question reading "How do you respond under pressure?"
• Offensive Line: write a 500 word essay comparing and contrasting your performance yesterday with the Maginot line. Which was least successful and why?
• Mark Barron: C'mon, admit it, you're amongst friends: Every time a blitz is called, you mutter "oh shit" because you know that you will be chasing a wide receiver for 30 yards after a corner blows the assignment, don't you?
• Mark Ingram: At night, as you're icing down your damaged knee, you look at your offensive line think to yourself, "I rehabbed like a maniac, coming back probably too early, for this?" Ditto Donte Hightower.
• Julio Jones: As you work the stiffness out of your broken hand, how many times do you muse "Man, I really, really hope there's not a lock-out...or a rookie cap next year"?

Feel free to include your own. Remember, we can't properly be included in the meltdown thread unless there's some degree of gallow's humor involved.

Let's see what the Bleacher Report has to say this week, shall we, with a special emphasis on one of our biggest remaining rivals: the Auburn Tigers. Sorry, LSU, but I didn't feel like typing "The LSU Bengal Tigers" (hey, look, it's more than just Tigers...I'll be damned), so I had to go with the 'Barn.

  Your suffering will be legendary, even in Opelika

First up, is a little article TW, Esq. fished out of the garbage, Exhibit A: Eight Reasons Besides Cam Newton That The Tigers Can Run The Table

Speaking of Ryan Pugh:

His role is undeniable and his experience is a beacon of SEC legends. The senior has anchored the O-line for multiple years and plans on leaving the plains as a SEC and National Champion.  His tenacity in the huddle and on the sidelines is key immeasurable to this amazing season.

Speaking of Mike Berry:

He is regularly knocking the "crap" out of linebackers and defensive backs. By the fourth quarter, the opposing defensive "skill" players are so tired of him they are usually not to be found.

Speaking of Byron Isom

His affinity to set the standard and admission to destroy linebackers has made him a fan favorite,  He regularly can be seen on Saturdays wrecking opposing defensive units. Move......*(*)*&&^()& get out the way!

  pictured: "Alabama Voodoo celebratin' the colored fella' what runs good."

Exhibit B, for your consideration, also from Alabama Voodoo, is the thoughtful analysis he provides with respect to Auburn's defense, including a poor attempt at humor via Lou Holtz.

As advertised, Auburn's defense and oft-maligned coordinator Ted Roof have been challenged and disrespected by everyone from a loyal fanbase all the way to Kirk Herbstreit and his mentor "Thlow Thowltz."

However, the outcome of the season will be decided by the Auburn defense and their ability to close out tight games in the fourth quarter.  No one has more swagger than the Auburn team, which is brimming with team chemistry, united in the unilateral purpose of fulfilling the team motto, "Good to Great."

And, this vile nugget, wherein injuries to opposing players are tacitly praised, but ought else makes sense.

The Auburn defense has made a name for itself this season by hitting hard. They've been referred to by many as the hardest-hitting defense in college football (ed. note, by other Aubies only).

When questioning a team's defense, we measure statistics up front.  And we should do that, but the intangibles—the immeasurable factors like QBs injured and predictability of outcomes—become a huge factor in deciding the final score.

Surely there is one sane/literate "author" on  BR who can provide some form of analysis besides banter you'd overhear at the Lee County Co-op Feed n Seed?

Sadly, no: As Exhibit C, true swine among pearls, demonstrates.

After the [Ole Miss] game, on the ESPN show College Football Final, Newton was asked if he thought he could be stopped. After letting the audience know that he did not intend to be arrogant, Newton explained that he could be slowed down a little but not stopped.

How can anyone dispute what he says? No one has stopped him all year long. In my opinion, Mississippi State had the best chance because of Newton's fondness for Bulldog head coach Dan Mullen, and it was also only the second game of the year.

Want delusion? You've got it in spades: Cam Newton has never been shut down or slowed down by opposing teams; rather, he has self-handicapped his own performances to be nice to the coach of a divisional opponent. HUH?

=====================================================================================

This concludes a brief look at the Auburn Tigers, through the eyes and pens of Bleacher Report "writers". However, in closing, and in the spirit of LSU week, I'd like to leave you with a trashy, maybe evocative, but definitely representative picture of the average corndog co-ed, in her natural state:

  Pic related, and now perhaps you'll understand why I almost took an LSU teaching gig.

Sometimes a picture says it all; and -- don't lie -- this says it all about LSU: Overt slutiness, heavily slathered blue eyeshadow, BAC of .34, bad perm, tear-streaked mascara, shirtless with droopy kittens, all while doing her best deep-throat of a corndog (<-- a little too much teeth, as demonstrated here).

So, enjoy Baton Rouge, and be safe my friends: Always bring the meat if invited to dinner with the Cajuns, and definitely wrap it up: The next trollop that ends up in your bed/camper/cardboard box could be a Who!

Was I your wingman? Did I hit on the obnoxious/deficient/drunken/psychotic gal so that you could make a play on her cute friend? Did I go slump-busting with you? Did I pick up your tab so that you could save your last $10 for a Gumby's Pizza?

No, my friends, I did not. Although, you know that I would do those things for you, because I have sacrificed so very much more. At great peril to my sanity and/or IQ, I have slogged through the gutters of "writing" and "logic" and "fact-checking" in order to bring you: RANDOM ARTICLES IN A RANDOM DAY OF THE BLEACHER REPORT (10/27/10 Edition)

Remember when your parents spanked you and told you that it hurt them more than you? Remember how you didn't believe them? Well, believe me...this hurt me a lot more than it will hurt you.

ARTICLE ONE: TOP TEN LOCKS. Wherein, the BR predicts that a .500 C-USA team, with the 91st defense in the country will waltz into ND and beat them by ten points.

Why Notre Dame is Vulnerable

In the wake of tragedy in South Bend, the Irish look to circle the wagons against a potent Tulsa attack. 

Depending on the weather conditions Saturday, this game could be an absolute shootout with both defenses figured to be overmatched. The Golden Hurricane can match touchdowns with almost any team in the country.

Credulous rating? Trusting the LSU student body with your cell phone number. The Tulsa Golden Hurricane have lost 3 of four on the road, and have not beaten an AQ school. Hell, they've only played one: Oklahoma State...and lost 65-24.

ARTICLE TWO: PLAYERS WHO WILL MAKE THE BIGGEST HEISMAN MOVE. Wherein, the BR has never heard of RGIII, and elevates an average QB, with average numbers, to a Heisman Lock...

Gabbert's passing yards and picks are great, but the big junior needs to find the end zone on some of his throws to get the Heisman nod. If he can do that, and beat Nebraska in Omaha, he could find himself in New York at season's end....Gabbert has more to gain from a big game this weekend than anyone else in the country. It legitimizes his success in 2010, and, barring a fade down the stretch, practically punches his ticket to New York City for the ceremony.

Credulous rating? Mike Hamilton giving a speech on corporate accountability. This one is a BR special as it hits the trifecta: shitty writing, poor fact-checking (and/or inability to understand the least bit about the sport), and pure speculation pulled out a high-schooler's ass. 1. Nebraska is in Lincon. This is an unforgiveable mistake for someone writing on the topic. 2. How is success legitimized? I would think beating Nebraska, Oklahoma and Utah pretty much legitimizes one's success...by definition. And, 3., In the same article he calls RGIII "quietly one of the best players in the country", despite the fact that everyone knows who RGIII is, and knows that he is easily the best player in the Big 12. Hard to be a "best kept secret" when you're the league MVP. 

ARTICLE THREE: USCe BOWL SCENARIOS Wherein, the BR has one of the best subject-verb disagreements of the week, mistakenly intimating  that Spurrier is a star player, and simultaneously implying that the USC starting offense will be watching the Capital One Bowl...while playing in it.

There is a lot of star power on the South Carolina squad, and the Capital One bowl is one of the highest watched non-BCS bowls.  There is Steve Spurrier, Marcus Lattimore, Alshon Jeffery and Stephen Garcia, just to name a few.

Also, few fanbases travel as well as South Carolina fans.

 

With such a promising season, going 7-5 and ending up in the same lousy bowl against a Big East team would feel like a huge step backwards.  Hardly any Carolina fans would make this trip a second time (Pizza Bowl).

Credulous Rating? Bobby Knight telling his wife, "I'm sorry baby, I won't hit you again". Where to start with this one? The obvious choice is that ass-munching grammar, replete with an awesome S-V disagreement. But, my favorite part is paragraph two pared with the final sentence of the article. Mr. Brilliance up there, on the basis of no authority whatsoever, decides that USC is an ultimate traveling school, and, in less than 100 words, proceeds to flatly contradict himself. A and ~A, FTW, Alex!

ARTICLE FOUR: NU-MIZZOU: TRUE RIVALRY? Wherein, the BR gives us all a nice, well-earned LOL.

I have published articles in many seasoned markets, in all of the major genres.  And I believe that the best fans, not just college football, but in sports—period—belong to Huskers Nation.

Astonishing in their sportsmanship and in their knowledge of the game, Nebraska football fans are the superlative in the country, in my opinion.

Mizzou averages 4.4 yards per carry and 138.47 yards per game.

They are ranked No. 79 in the nation in rushing. Nebraska is ranked No. 79 in rushing defense. 

Looks strange on paper, but it should be a stalemate in that sector of the game, right?

If they can make Nebraska one-dimensional, then Missouri’s blitzers and defensive backfield could make it a long game for Taylor Martinez.

Nebraska-Mizzou has been played on the gridiron 103-105 times.

He was also the fifth African-American to play for a predominantly white university. (Google Frank Kinney Holbrook and Archie Alphonso Alexander.)

Credulous rating: What the fuck is this? Sweet Jesus, make it stop...Really, any of these would work. Take your pick. But, suffice it to say, this is what makes the BR one of CBS' partners in journalistic excellence.

So, love me, hate me, revile me. But, just remember, that when all is said and done, I did it all for you.

From Yahoo Sports, RE: Santonio Holmes.

Ohio State has closed a brief investigation of alleged payments by an agent to former Buckeyes football player Santonio Holmes five years ago after consulting with the NCAA, which is not pursuing the matter.

Okay, that's fair, the NCAA isn't pursuing the matter, so I get it. Why tarnish your program with allegations of pay-for-play, which are well outside the NCAA's statute of limitations? I mean, the Ohio State Buckeyes investigated and everything.

Let's hear more about this investigation, and once and for all dispel any preconceived notions we may have that internal investigations can't be legit.  Especially at a wealthy football school. Take it away Yahoo.

"During an interview on Wednesday, Holmes stated he never received money or benefits from an agent," Ohio State said in a statement released Friday. "The institution [having contacted the NCAA] does not intend to investigate anything further related to the allegations."

But, surely Jim Tressel, bastion of, and torch-bearer for (alleged) Midwestern decency and forthrightness would probably be a little more concerned about the facts? Remember Holmes was getting paid at the football complex...under Tressel's watch, just five short years ago, when the Buckeyes were competing for National Titles?

Step up to the mic, Jim.

Coach Jim Tressel said Thursday that he was troubled by the report but was reassured by Holmes’ denial.

There you have it ladies and gentlemen.

People remain baffled how the systemic rot at USC came to be. Look no further than the above situation that played out at THE ohio state university, this week, in front of our eyes: When confronted with similar allegations to those that eventually hammered the Trojans, Tressel's response was to say "We asked him about cheating. He said no...good enough for me". Sound familiar? It should. It's the exact line offered by Mike Garrett and Pete Caroll.

Trojan defenders were right about one thing, though: cheating is going on all over the place. But, they are wrong about another thing, one they will never admit: cavalier, blase attitudes to cheating aren't just localized in Southern California. But, when you're a prick and a recalcitrant douchebag, perception dooms you just as much as the facts.

*P.S. I take full responsibility for this post having words and no pictures...more disturbing, there is not one reference to penises or breasts.

** One of the statements in these footnotes is a lie.

*** This footnote is a lie. (Discuss the logical consequences of this statement paired with the above preceding statement).

UPDATED: Thanks to everyone for voting and/or chiming in. I have decided to take a mini vacay to Honolulu. It may be WAC football, but at least it's two of the better teams in that conference. About 64% of you encourage this endeavor, so I skip out on the hoodoo with your blessings. Here's to covering 20.5 on Saturday!

The most entertaining team that no one (outside of Cal or the WAC) has really heard of or seen; the nation's leading rushing attack.

So, I have a bit of a quandary, a small dilemma even. This Saturday at 6:00 local (11 God's Time), I have tickets to go see the Nevada Wolf Pack, and their point a minute Pistol option, take on the Hawaii Warriors in a game with serious WAC and national ramifications (Hawaii sits at 3-2, including a beating of Fresno on the mainland. A Warrior win off the rock never happens, much less a bludgeoning of a bowl-type team; Nevada is ranked #21, is undefeated and every win they have makes Boise's schedule look more formidable prior to the matchup in November on the Smurf Turf).

Another entertaining group, although a bit more high-profile (for the WAC); the nation's leading passing team

However, as we all know, the game against Ole Miss is at 4:53 pm God's Time (noon local). My flight is to depart for Honolulu at 1:00 pm local (6:00 God's Time). This means, of course, that I will miss most of the real game, Alabama versus Ole Miss. This is an important one for us, mentally and for any chance to get to Atlanta. We cannot fall flat again, or fall two games behind Auburn and LSU. I believe that the Crimson Tide absolutely needs all the moral support we can get, no matter how far, or how remote the Hoodoo. On the other hand, I think I am kind of encouraged (although not necessarily mandated) to go watch some defense-optional WAC football, schmooze with folks and drink on the firm's dime. And, everything is covered: Skybox, room, flight, per diem, food and booze. I may not get the opportunity for this very often, and certainly not again this season.

So, what say the good people of Roll Bama Roll?

However, before you vote, you should check out the Haka Ha'a (non-Kiwi version); it may be a tie-breaker.

It's my turn to bring it on home, since Spock jumped the gun last week, and TW, Esq the week before. Now, I will steal Nico's thunder (first and only time, I swear).

You know how the game is played: Grab your iPod/iTouch/iPhone/iTunes/iMonopolyproprietarydevice and/or that old stack of Limewire downloads on your Rio mp3 player and select ten songs, in random order. No cheating. 

Share them here, turn others on to new tunes, be praised for your excellent taste and/or be ridiculed for the cheesy stuff polluting your mind.

Pictured: Something a friend of a friend once tried to get me to listen to. Luckily, I told him that shit's pretty fly for a kid bangin' in the mean streets of Canada "Hell Naw, get that garbage out of here."

Anyway, here's mine: and, for a change no Classical appears, nor is there much dark techno or industrial, and nary a death metal tune. We do have some black metal here (when CoF didn't suck) some throwback thrash (Full Blown Chaos/Soulfly), and some pretty soulful dark pop (Cayman).

Full Blown Chaos - Wake the Demons

Volbeat - Healing Subconsciously

Project Pat f. Three Six Mafia - Chickenhead

Cradle of Filth - Funeral in Carpathia

Tech N9ne - Show Me a God

Soulfly - Prophecy

Moonspell - Love Will Tear Us Apart

Mira - Cayman

Godflesh - Mighty Trust Krusher

Blutengel - Oxidising Angel

So, like good polygamists, let's share, shall we? Please note, a link to Myspace Music and/or YouTube is always appreciated...especially if you're really pimping a band.

First of all, let's disregard all this nonsense of a Duke upset or a Duke challenging of our defense. I'm not entertaining it for one micro-second.

Second, let's move on to what I call the Surrender Bowl: Auburn v. Clemson. A battle of great teams (in the early 80s), that now come into this matchup undefeated, unbeaten (and untested). We know one thing with these newbie comers to the Homecoming Circuit....neither can play defense.

via www.hyscience.com

France couldn't play defense either.

In the spirit of celebrating high school offenses, dubious coaching, and defensive weaknesses splayed across our screens like a Hustler centerfold, let's honor them I say.

So: The rules this week are very simple.

-For every missed tackle, you must take one (small) drink.

-Ditto blown coverage

-One small drink per score of any variety

-One small drink per special teams f* up, of any variety

-Finish whole beverage if anyone, on either team, is labeled a "dark horse" or other variant of Heism@n candidate

-Upon the game's completion, pour half of remaining beverage on the ground for the soon-to-be-departed Homie Coach; consume other half with the certain knowledge that the other will be gone in another year.

-

This is an amazing piece from the Yardbarker regarding icing an opposing kicker. Here's an excerpt

Psychology professor Nadav Goldschmied reviewed data from six National Football League seasons (2002-08) and found that kickers who’d been iced scored only 66.4 percent of the time (73 out of 110 kicks). By comparison, kickers who were not iced had an 80.4 percent success rate (131 out of 161).

Oddly, the study also says that "when the kicker’s own team called a time-out" the kicker had a success rate of 83.3 percent (45 out of 54).

The university says "other factors such as experience, game location or game score were not associated with success."

Anectdotally, it seems to make sense, but I wondered if there was ever any empirical data to support the long-standing coaching strategy. Apparently, there is...as these guys know all too well.

via 4.bp.blogspot.com

Even though Urbz is a dick, you gotta' admit the double-icing of the Barn (where both were missed) was pretty awesome.

I'd love to see this extrapolated further to cover distance, kick location and time remaining.

Of all the season's OOC games, outside of our own, I think this is the one a vast majority of us have been wanting to see: The Labor Day Darkhorse MNC, featuring the #10 Virginia Tech Hokies and the #3 Boise State Broncos. Many, many of us have chimed in on the merits (or lack thereof) of the respective contenders. Some, including myself, pretty viciously.

via i240.photobucket.com (actually, Barking Carnival).

The above is absolutely unrelated, but who cares.

That game is here, finally. So without further ado, Stuck presents another drinking game in keeping with the spirit of the contest, the respective memes, and good ole' fashioned rapid intoxication

via 3.bp.blogspot.com 

Pic also completely unrelated.

THE RULES

• For every time the phrase "dark horse" is uttered, thou shalt drink half of remaining beverage
• For every time the phrase "national title/championship/BCS contender" is uttered, though shalt drink half of remaining beverage.
• For every time a highlight/clip is played of Va. Tech v. Alabama, thou shalt drink whole beverage.
• Every missed tackle resulting in a gain of 10 yards or longer shall incur a deep chug.
• Every allusion to the 21 starters returning for Boise shall incur a deep chug
• Any and all allusions to Williams/Evans/Taylor as "Heisman material/worthy/candidate" shall incur half of a remaining beverage
• Any and all allusions to Kellen Moore as "Heisman material/worthy/candidate" shall incur half of a remaining beverage
• Any on-screen graphic, displaying the pitiful Bronco schedule shall incur a whole, fresh beverage, freely charged to the player of your choosing.
• If, at any point, the announcers pretend that BSU's trip to Oregon State someone mitigates the rest of the cripple they play, thou shalt have the option of passing a deep chug along to anyone you chose, or take it yourself.
• Boise pass plays over 25 yards: Drink
• Virginia Tech scramble over 15 yards: Drink
• Virginia Tech running play over 20 yards: Drink
• All turnovers incur a half beverage penalty, as do missed extra points/shanked punts/missed FGs.
• If, during the thread, any participant shall so use "lulz", "lol", or similar 'net speak when mocking one of the teams, that person shall consume half a beverage.

Thanks for playing, and see ya' this evening. I am completely open, as usual, to modification/addenda, etc.

Okay, so it's not Alabama, and I apologize. However, it's 5 hours early here (if you're on God's proper Central time) and I have the benefit of A) sobriety, B) a critical Southern eye, and C) the willingness to watch all of USC v. Hawaii.

In short, this post is yet more haterade, directed at -- specifically -- the USC Trojans. Herein are reasons why the TROGANS will suck this year.

1. USC, with a wealth of returning talent, has chosen to start (via its doofus in chief) a shitload of freshmen. As if it were necessary? Sure, there are always holes to plug, but it seems as though Kiffin is intent on paying off promises to recruits than on actually performing. So f'n clever it hurts, I'm sure.

2. This USC defense is not at all good. It is readily gassed. And, it is a sign of poor discipline. C'mon, really? Honolulu has roughly the same climate as L.A., yet, in the 2d quarter SC defenders were sucking air. Also, they are very prone to the deep ball, they do not tackle well, they do not read the play well in front of them, and they seem so unprepared for the most elementary of plays (e.g., draw on 3rd and 22).

3. The SC defense does not force turnovers. As I write, but one TO has been forced, and it was by Hawai'i. Despite UH carrying the ball like a loaf of bread, and pall mall tossing it into double coverage, I've seen one pass defensed by the Trogans.

4. Lane is hellbound to prove he's a genius. USC has been absolutely dominant against the undermanned, undersized Warriors, averaging about 8 yards per carry. Yet, up by two TDs what does Kiffykins do? Go to the air. Sure, the Warrior D sucks. And it is a very typical WAC secondary. But why, for the love of God, with all the ref calls in your favor, would, you take anymore chances? Pound the rock, get out unimpressively, but win.

5. And, all of these, every last one of these, goes to coaching. Kiffin clearly is in charge of this team; these calls; these starters. Teams always reflect their coaches. If that is the case, then UH is a scrappy, underwhelming band of speedy fighters. While USC, is, as their coach, an egomaniacal squad of poorly disciplined, poorly conditioned, braggart-ridden schmucks.

SITP's Prediction? Here in the 4th Q, it is now 42-30 USC. But, this game doesn't matter. In the long run, this group of Trogans loses _at least_ 4 games in the regular season PAC 10.

So, USC fan, hope you enjoyed the ill-gotten ride. It only gets worse from here...and, yes, I'll be here all year. And next. And next. And next.

via blog.mlive.com
I would have loved to center this, stupid SBN CSS

Quick what do you think about when I mention the Notre Dame Fighting Irish? Touchdown Jesus? The Gipper? Frank Thomas (blessed be His name)?  Knute/Ara/Leahy/Lou? Home of the College Football Hall of Fame? Rudy? That ridiculous Leprechaun thing (the cheapest mascot in all of sports, hands down)?, Freek Bass? this guy? The doucher, bandwagon fans?

What if I told you that Notre Dame is a sham of a "power"? And that the "tradition" of the Irish mainly predates WWII for the most part, and that only three and a half decades have defined their "dominance?"

The purpose of this post is to show you that ND is actually merely an above average program during the best of times, and generally mediocre most of the time. More importantly, ND's relevance ended with Lou 20 years ago, and their historical "dominance" was a creation of Northeast media love, which likewise ended about 60 years ago.

***

Let's start our journey with an illustration of two teams' accomplishments over the past 30 years.

One team is a traditional national power, the other is more of a regional phenomenon. Both have strict student admissions policies. Both have had a legendary coach lead them at some point over the past thirty years. Both had a rough decade with several seasons at or below .500. And, as you guessed, one of these teams is Notre Dame. Who is who?

Team A: One Heisman Trophy, One National Championship, 221-124 (.659%) seven 10-win seasons, Bowl Record 7-13
Team B: One Heisman Trophy, One National Championship, 267-107 (.713%) thirteen 10-win seasons, Bowl Record 10-13-1

Team A is Notre Dame. Would you be surprised to know that Team B is another private school, with demanding admissions policies and a strict student code of conduct? Yep, Team B is the BYU Cougars.
Surprising? It should shock absolutely no one. Well, it shouldn't shock anyone who actually digs deeper and realizes that Notre Dame has not, for most of the average viewer's lifespan, been relevant whatsoever.

***

But what about Notre Dame's wins? The second mostest evah?!  This is a wee bit deceiving. In fact, only three (arguably four) coaches, with a total of 45 years (out of 123 years) were responsible for nearly 400 (387) of those victories. For the other 80 years of ND's glory and tradition and "dominance", they won a grand total of 450 games...about 5-6 wins per season. 

ND has been playing football for 123 years. Want to know how many 10 win seasons they had? 15. That’s it. About one every 9 years. Who has the most? Oklahoma with 31, followed by Alabama with 30 (about once every 4 years). Notre Dame is tied with BYU for 10 win seasons, and neither are in the top ten.

Of those 15 ten-win seasons, Lou Holtz gave them half of them. In 7 years, he was responsible for fully half of ND’s great seasons.

Their Bowl record is a joke as well. ND has only appeared in 29 bowls. And, they have a losing record there (14-15). Before the rousing Hawaii Bowl victory, they hadn't won a bowl game since _1994_.

But what about Notre Dame's great coaches? No knock on these guys. They could flat out coach and win...four of them, in any event: Frank Leahy, Knute Rockne, Ara Parseghian and Lou Holtz (LOU?!)
Yes Lou.
Oh, sure, Ara Parseghian won two NCs and 95 games, while Leahy had four and Rockne three. But Sweet Lou only had one NC, the same as much-maligned Dan Devine. But, Lou was responsible for a grand total of 14% of NDs wins, at the time of his resigning. For all of the storied "tradition" of ND, Lou's 100 wins in 11 years are the most of any Irish coach since shortly after World War II, when Leahy retired in '53. And, they are second most _all time_  behind Rockne's record. But, for the 60 years after Leahy, ND would be, as they were for most of their existence, an average team most years.

But, what about the National Titles? ND claims 11, and has 8 wire service championships. Yes, yes they do....and  seven of them occurred on or before 1949. We will revisit these shortly.

But, but, Notre Dame has 7 Heisman trophies! Yes, yes they do...and six of 7 of them occurred on or before 1964. In the 45 years since John Huarte, long-considered one of the worst winners, took home the Stiff Armed guy, ND has produced but one trophy winner...33 years later when Tim Brown would claim the prize in 1987.

And, that leads to the Irish apple-polishing that the media has perpetually engaged in. It's no secret that for the first 40 years of CFBs existence, it was a Rust Belt/Midwest thing..at least as far as the Media was concerned. Southern teams had absolutely no clout, received no love, and damned near got no recognition, either as teams, or individuals. (arguably, it still is). That's why you see the Army and Minnesotas and Michigan States and, yes, Notre Dames of the world dominating the lists of All-Americans, Heismans and NCs until the modern era.

For instance, in addition to Huarte, amazingly, two other Irish "winners" are on the perennial Top 10 shitty Heismans: Johnny Lattner in 1953 and Paul Hornung, and are pure media creations. Lattner won in 1953, in a field with 5 other candidates from the Midwest, and would take the trophy over Alan Ameche. Hornung won in 1956, in a field with 6 other Midwesterners and would beat out Johnny Majors to become the 5th ND winner and the only winner on a losing team.  So, media love in the early era for ND? You could say that...at least to the extent of the Heisman.

But, what about ND's All-Americans? Notre Dame claims 99 concensus AAs, which is an impressive number (Alabama, of course, has 92). However, of ND's 99 AAs, a grand total of 18 are from the modern era (e.g., from 1950 to the present). That's it. 18.  Once the modern era began, and the media became national, and the sport became interconnected, it was discovered -- to the media's surprise, I'm sure --  that teams and players existed outside of South Bend.

***

Let's get back to those Championships:  I will start with a dirty secret the Notre Dame fan doesn't want to hear. These championships (like the AAs and Heismans) were -- in most years -- the product of an East Coast hype machine for the Midwest teams. And, like those accolades, died off as the world grew smaller and the glasses were no longer gold-colored. The last sad fact, is that in just about every year ND won a title, there were teams with an equal, if not greater, claim to the championship.

1924. Mr. Inside and Mr. Outside. There were other realistic contenders, of course, and some of them with an arguable claim.  Stanford was 7-0-1 beating then-undefeated USC; Alabama at one point was 7-0 (finished 8-1) outscoring its opponents 215-0; and Mizzou finished 8-1, losing the head-to-head to the Irish. But, the Irish got the nod after finishing 9-0

1929. This could have been a very crowded field: Notre Dame, Pitt, Purdue and Tulane _all_ finished undefeated (Purdue, until the Rose Bowl at least), and untied. Additionally, Nebraska had 1 loss, and SMU and TCU finished undefeated, but each had multiple ties. Who got the nod? Notre Dame. Some polls had a two-loss USC team as their NC. No southern team finished higher than the 10th, the undefeated Green Wave.

1930. By 1930, things had started to change in a big way, as the establishment media on the coasts laughably convinced the Tourney of Roses to invite some rednecks into the fray in 1927 (after the '26 season). We know how that turned out. In 1931's Rose Bowl, Alabama would blitz Wazzou, and that 10-0 Alabama team would split the NC with a 10-0 Notre Dame.

1943. The war is on, and the Southern boys are fightin' Nazis (Alabama, Auburn, Florida, Kentucky, Mississippi and Mississippi State, Tennessee and Vanderbilt did not have teams that year). That does not mean that football didn't happen. It certainly did, and there were some fine teams. There was one major undefeated that year: the Big 9 (Ten) staple Purdue. But, the one-loss field was very good and crowded: Iowa, Navy, Texas, Duke, Notre Dame and Michigan all finishing with one loss. In a WTF moment, ND is the unanimous champion (really?) Interestingly, Iowa split with ND, as the two teams played twice that year, each finishing 1-1. But, ND got the nod...even over an undefeated Big 10 school. The love continues.

1946. The Northeast media loves them some service academies, and loves them some Notre Dame apparently. That year, Army and Notre Dame would each finish with a tie...to one another. However, about 700 miles down the road, the Georgia Bulldogs finished undefeated (all of these are pre-bowl, remember), at 11-0, while undefeated UCLA was 10-1. What happened? Most of the wire services split their MNCs amongst Army and ND...undefeated UCLA was left out of the picture. And, undefeated Georgia only picked up one service who felt they were champs, the lowly Williamson system.

1947. More ND love. About 2/3rds of the services would give the nod to Michigan, but a third (including the big ones, the AP) would give the title to Notre Dame. These were, by no stretch, the only deserving teams. An undefeated Penn State team, and undefeated (but tied) Kansas and SMU teams got not one vote. Not one.

1949. A new dynasty is about to be born about 800 miles southwest, in a town called Norman, led by a guy named Bud Wilkinson. The Oklahoma Sooners would go undefeated that year. As would Notre Dame. There were two other unbeatens heading into the final poll: Cal and Pacific. Who would win the belt? In every single poll, except for one, Notre Dame would be the choice of the pollsters. Yet more love for the largest beneficiary of media gratis ever. It would get much, much worse. Then, we take a long vacation from relevance.

1966. We all know good and damned well what would happen in 1966. Notre Dame, which had a habit of chickenshitting out for ties, would do it again, and again be rewarded. This time, the infamous tie with Michigan State was the issue. If you read above, Notre Dame also pussed out in the 1946 tie with Army. At that point, twenty years earlier, an undefeated SEC team would get largely screwed then. This time was worse, as ND intentionally chewed up the clock and played for the tie. They played for the tie, and were still rewarded. An undefeated, untied Alabama team would not even have the benefit of one pollster voting them the MNC. Two thirds gave their vote to Notre Dame, the other third to Michigan State. The 1966 Alabama team was screwed, and it was yet another media-driven sham NC for Notre Dame.

1973. Of all seasons, this is the strangest and most crowded one. And, maybe the first truly undisputed time the Irish should have won since 1924. That year, a 10-1 Alabama team would take the UPI crown (which voted before bowl games), while Notre Dame (undefeated after a 1-point win over us) would get most of the votes. Undefeated (but tied) Oklahoma would take the title from three smaller pollsters. But, there were other teams with just as good a claim as OU; namely, undefeated Michigan and Penn State (both with a tie), received not one vote.

1977. Another year, another ND fuck job. Coming out of the bowls, there were four one-loss teams, all with a good stake to the NC. And, there was one team (ranked third) wearing crimson that had a great claim. #1 Texas lost to #5 ND 38-10. #2 Oklahoma got beat by #6 Arkansas, while #3 Alabama destroyed #8 Ohio State 36-6. But, ND (on the alleged strength of their win) vaulted Alabama (equally impressive), Texas and Arkansas (equally impressive). From 5th to 1st in the AP polls. Another split, as Alabama took one poll, and Notre Dame took every other single one. But what about Arkansas? The 'Hogs 25 point blasting of the #2 team in the country was apparently not good enough. And, even though they had a claim (with ND and Alabama), Arkansas received nothing. As usual, ND was the major recipient. Again. Then, we take another decade from relevance.

1988. After a decade of national irrelevance, ND rears its head again. This time in 1988 against the overmatched #2 West Virginia Mountaineers. ND had eked out a 1 point home win over #1 Miami that year and another home win against #9 Michigan. But what about the #2 team? As most folks in Tallahassee would be delighted to explain, the Irish were given a gift (well, chose a gift) by taking on WVU. The #2 team (at 11-1) was smacking its lips and waiting for the Irish in the Orange Bowl. And, the invite had been issued. However, that game would not be played, as ND declined the Orange Bowl bid, and did not play Florida State. So, as the last undefeated ND won the title; its second truly undisputed one (the first and only being in 1924).

***

So for Joe Montana, and the Clausen wad, for media love, for being the beneficiary of each and every single pollster judgment call; for "independence" (that let's you play service academies and Syracuse), for Mike Golic, for "decided schematic advantages", for the abomination known as Rudy; for your continued insistence on your relevance (despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary); for your insistence on your "historic domination" that was built on regionalism and favoritism; for your leprechaun; for your creepy totemic idolatry; for 1966; for your Kentucky-like bowl record; for your moping about academic standard hampering you (despite the fact that Wake, Stanford, Cal schools, some Big 10 schools, BC, and BYU all manage it); and for taking a Hall of Fame you don't deserve, and havent' deserved since 1949 (if then); I would like to extend a hearty *fuck you* to the University of Notre Dame.

Ed: fixed a shitload of typographical and grammatical errors. Added some stuff from the comments below.

Hate on, brothers and sisters.