Greetings Chiefs fans!  This is my first post over here, so please don't haze me too badly!  I joined Arrowhead Pride back in April when you drafted Ricky Stanzi and have been checking in this week to see if my favorite college quarterback has a snowballs chance in you-know-where of seeing the field this year.  From the looks of it, you guys are pretty split as to whether Palko or Stanzi should take the reigns now that Cassel is down.  I hope to see Ricky out there at some point, although in the coming weeks that will prove difficult to root too hard for him.  See, I'm a Bears fan and my girlfriend is a Steelers fan.  Both of those teams are on your schedule in the coming weeks.  Which brings me to why I'm posting.  The Bears have the AFC West in the next month and I'm wondering if you guys have some insight into how my Bears might do against the teams in your division.

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Over at Windy City Gridiron (the SBN's Chicago Bears site), they have an open thread for grading your fantasy football drafts.  While this doesn't directly relate to Hawkeye football, there are plenty of former players in the NFL, there seems to be an interest (from previous installments of Hamsterdam) in fantasy football. 

Here's how this will work:  Tell us what kind of draft you had (straight-line, serpentine, keeper or whatever), what draft position you had and who you took.  Then the rest of the commentariate gets to point and laugh at your pathetic excuse for football knowledge.  Or, in my case, my crazy homerism for my Chicago Bears. 

In the league I'm in, we had a serpentine draft and I had the 10th pick.  Without further ado, I present to you, the Sad Captivity Bears!

QB's:  Sam Bradford and Jay Cutler  I'm bound to get a couple of good games out of these guys right?

RB's:  Rashard Mendenhall, Matt Forte, Mark Ingram, Marion Barber and Donald Brown.  I hope my top two guys play all 16 games this year!

WR's:  Dwayne Bowe, Reggie Wayne, Chad Ochocinco, Devin Hester and Earl Bennett.  Definitely some homerism in this group.  Hopefully the glich in our scoring system hasn't been fixed and I can double-dip points for any return TD's from Hester. 

TE's:  Tony Moeaki and Vishante Schiancoe.  I had to have a Hawkeye on here and Tony Mo was my guy.

K:  Adam Vinatierri and Ryan Longwell.  Yep, 2 Vikings on here.  You've got to put your team loyalty aside sometimes. 

Defenses:  Chicago and Oakland.  I can only hope that Peppers, Urlacher and company stay healthy so I don't have to use the Raiders more than once. 

There's my team, have at it.  To Ross, PV, Jebus and Jacobi, if you guys don't want this sort of thing here, since it's not Iowa related, by all means, delete away!

  We open inside Carver Hawkeye, where the BHBIGS wrestlers have been doing buddy stairs for an hour. 

PackerHawk, BHNP and SMKS are all taking turns puking in the garbage cans stationed around the concourse. 

 – "TIME!!  Bring it in guys."

BHNP wheels the garbage can over to where the team has assembled. 

– "Lycurgus, front and center.  Do you know why you guys have been running buddies for an hour? "

  – "SIR, NO, SIR"

 – "As the captain of this team, I expect you to be my eyes and ears when the team isn’t assembled.  Isn’t that why you’re the captain?  That’s a rhetorical question.  If you’re doing your damn job, why in the blue hell am I getting phone calls and visits from Bloodjab Vint that you ass clowns are making panty raids to other blogs?  Don’t we keep you busy enough here?  What is rule number one in blog wrestling?  NO DISTRACTIONS!!  We’ve got a killer schedule coming up.  We’re ranked number 3 in the blogoverse!  And we’re out there with guys threatening to be suspended and possibly thrown off the team!!  I won’t stand for it!!"

 – "I understand, sir"

 – "Coach, with all due respect, it was just some harmless shenanigans."

  –"Yeah, Coach, we were just trying to get in their heads."

– "Well, your ‘harmless shenanigans’ are threatening to get this whole thing shut down!  And get you guys expelled from the Blog.  You don’t want that do you?  I sure as shitfire don’t, I want to win a national championship.  I want to crush BSD.  I want to crush MGo.  I want to crush them ALL!  If we have to wrestle in goddam outer space to win a universal championship, I hope like hell you maggots can pass a NASA screening, because I want to win that, too!"

  – "So no more shenanigans?"

– "I’m going to pistol whip the next person that says shenanigans!"

  – "Hey, Chazz, what’s the name of that restaurant you really like?  The one with the goofy shit on the walls and the mozerella sticks?"

 – "Shenanigans, why?"

  (rips his pants off and buttons go flying)– Dammit guys, you’ve got to focus.  Bloodjab Vint is serious.  NO MORE VISITS TO OTHER BLOGS. Any further forays into other blogs will result in immediate suspension from the team, no exceptions!  This isn’t the Steve Alford-era in Iowa hoopyball here.  You can’t go all "Pierre Pierce" on another blog and still start the next game!   He WILL shut us down.  He WILL throw your asses out.  He has the power, all you idiots have to do is give him the reason.  He’s willing to let us play, but we’ve got to follow the rules.  Beyond just that, I DEMAND YOU STAY FOCUSED AND AVOID DISTRACTIONS!!!

Team:  "SIR, YES, SIR!"

Now, on to our preview. 

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Due to the Big Ten Network airing Women’s Lacrosse, today’s dual with Corn Nation will not be shown live.  Be sure to catch the replay on June 7th at 3:30 A.M.   Delanybot 9000 has assured us that our next dual will be televised live, as long as there aren’t any breaking news stories in non-revenue sports. 

Here’s the lineup for the first dual of the season.  Coach ‘Stone’ Brands and Coach Hamd lead the team out.  The mat beaters are here and are making as much noise as anyone in the arena.  Due to health code issues, the unicow was not allowed to enter the arena.  Odd, seeing as you would think Nebraskans would want livestock able to enter buildings.  Rules like that must make dating hard for some.

125 – CW vs. brutus 1382

133 – kythom vs. monsatano

141 – Energizer Hawk vs. Brian Speers

149 – Boiler Hawk vs. jd husker

157 – Clayborn Smash vs. Toby H

165 – Ross WB vs. Grixxly

174 – SaturdayMorningKegStanzis vs. Huskerlax

184 – Dip Shit vs. Wolvie

197 – Packer Hawk vs. KY Husker

HWT – Kluginator vs. DH Husker Jedi  Klugs gets the start here, as BHNP and Chazz are both out with flu-like symptoms.  Turns out that they both over-indulged in jelly beans on the bus ride down to Corn Nation.

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Note that I have never met any of these people.  None of the names were made up.  I pulled them from various postings on Corn Nation.  Grixxly posts here and Wolvie showed up during Marchifornication.  They may be completely normal, well-rounded humans.  They also may not be portrayed as such here.

Since I’m not cleared to wrestle, I headed over to UN-L to check out the Corn Nation blog wrestling team.  Coach Brands was going to oversee the first scouting trip himself, but since he has to deal with allegations that he married a Barbie doll over the weekend, he’s a little busy.  On a personal note, I really pity the person behind the doctored photos when Coach Brands finds out who it was.  He said something about making Gitmo seem like Honolulu.  Not sure what he means, but I’m glad I won’t be finding out. 

Anyway, back to blog wrestling.   Ahead is the breakdown of Corn Nation’s lineup and some observations from the practice I observed.

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After the stunning events of the last day, Coach Brands and Coach Hamds called a team meeting to get everyone’s head right.

        Listen up!  I know you sad sacks are torn up about the loss of the burro with a damn cone taped to its damn head.  It’s time to get over it.  No more tears.  We’ve got bigger problems.  Those bastards over at BSD have shown that they aren’t above using magic.  Even though I’ve been living ‘off the radar’ for the last 5 years, I know what those pussies up at jNorthwestern have done.  That little asshat Wizgerald has used a magic potato to hold the football team down.  Why?  Because the football team was weak.  We’re not the football team.  We will be stronger.  We’ll be better.  We’ll be more INTENSE.

       D@mn right we will be!!!

     Hey Dough-boy – less talking, more jumping jacks.  And when you’re done with those, I want burpees until you puke!

    Now, where was I before I was interrupted?  More INTENSITY, that’s right.  As you may have heard, not only did we lose the hate-fucking burro, we lost a team member in that shit storm.  Doctors tell me Swarley can’t go for almost a year.  What a quitter.  I once wrestled a guy with a bone sticking out the side of my leg!  Anyway, since he isn’t gonna be getting the medical clearance anytime soon, I’d like to introduce his replacement:  BoilerHawk.  BoilerHawk, you WILL become the embodiment of INTENSITY.  I want you so intense that if you get more intense, you will vaporize into the air as pure INTENSITY!  Rambler must pay for his traitorous actions and you are the man to make him pay.

   Coach, I…I...I loved the donkeycorn.  I can’t compete with this loss.  It’s too great. 

   CW, when Coach Hamd is done with you, you will be a lean, mean, Lion killing machine.  He’s going to turn your grief into anger.  That anger is going to lead you to INTENSITY.  As the 125 lber, YOU WILL set the tone for our duals.  YOU will get us the first points of the day.  YOU WILL COMPETE AND YOU WILL DESTROY!!!

  kythom, you’re gonna oink need body armor oink for your training sessions with oink CW.

   Now, does anyone else have anything else?  NO?  GOOD!!  Let’s get in the room and see what you pansies have learned!

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Location:  Weight room, approximately 6:30 A.M.

Everyone is here, doing light calastenics.  Chazz seems to get winded after about 15 jumping jacks.  We’re going to have to work with him a little extra.

Everyone breaks into groups for some stations.  The groups are broken up by weight classes.  Since Swarley still has both legs, he’ll lift with the upper weights.  Group one is CW, kythom, The Mexican’t and Snacks.  Group two is Clayborn Smash, Ross WB, SMKS, Lycurgus and Swarley.  Group three is Packer Hawk, DipShit, Chazz, BHNP and Kluginator.

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With the men's basketball team likely done for the year, the wrestlers having only nationals next weekend and the women's basketball team prepping for the NCAA's, the winter sports are almost over.  Where does that leave us, the fans?  Bored senseless?  Clock-watching until the first football game?  Police blotter watching for the 2012 Fulmer Cup?  'Perfecting' your photoshopping skills in anticipation of football season? 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is this:  how will the 'Pants community cope with the long layoff between Hawkeye sports?

Here's a poll, vote if you'd like, expand on your vote in the comments!  The normal rules of commenting apply, don't be an asshat and have fun!

Bear with me everybody, this is my first crack at a post here at WCG.  Thanks!

After sitting in the cold and snow at TCF Bank last Monday and watching Hester break the return record, I got to thinking, it seems like The Windy City Flyer does his most damage on the grandest stages (Monday Night Football) and in wins by the Bears.  I went through the game logs and researched it and thought I would share it with you.

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I live in NW Minnesota (rodent country, to be sure!) and bleed black and gold.  According to Directv, the damn Oklahoma/Florida State game is the one that is going to be carried up here Saturday at 2:30.  Yep, that's right, I'll end up with that game instead of getting to see my beloved Hawkeyes beat the piss out of our little brother to the west.  Here's where the help part comes in:  can someone help me or direct me to where I can watch the pay-off of hate week?  I'm willing to do most anything (short of actually driving to Iowa) to see the game, legal or otherwise.  I HAVE TO SEE THE GAME!!  Any and all suggestions are welcome!!  Thanks in advance!