This isn't just the Sunday when millions gather around their television sets to watch a few seconds of football sandwiched between hours of commercials and wardrobe malfunctions.

No, it's far More Important Than That.

It's Hennie Kuiper's Birthday - the day the Best Cyclist Not Named Eddy came into the world.

Kuiper winning the 1983 Paris-Roubaix -- after his famous crash.

If you're one of the small handful of people on the planet who don't already worship the graven image of Hennie Kuiper, he's one of the few cyclists to win both the Olympic and Worlds Road Races, four of the five monuments, and a pair of TdF stages atop Alpe d'Huez.

No less a figure than Lucien Van Impe said Kuiper was perhaps the smartest rider in cycling, and no less an authority figure than myself insists the rest of you agree.

As befits an occasion of this magnitude, I'm lighting a candle made from the tallow of cows raised along the Paris-Roubaix route before sacrificing a live Clement Criterium Seta tubular.

It's a great day, Cafeheads. A great day. True Believers can go to Kuiper's site, click on the contact form, and send him a birthday greeting (like any demi-god, Kuiper speaks several languages, including English): http://www.henniekuiper.nl/en/

In what might be described as an indictment of American cycling in the post-Lance area, writer Martin Dugard (traveling with the TdF) says there aren't many American fans at the Tour:

See, there are no Americans at this Tour. None. London doesn't count, but even then the numbers were skimpy. The only American flag I've seen so far is the jersey George Hincapie is wearing on his back, because he's U.S. champion. I walked through the sign-in area, looking for signs of Americans -- accents, flags, odd t-shirts from obscure bike shops (a shout-out here to Matt Ford and Rock `n' Road Cyclery back home).

None to be seen. We have become the world's greatest example of a front-runner.

Zing! Assuming he's not lying about the number of fans, I gotta ask: Is anyone surprised?

Without another Lance, is cycling doomed to slide back into obscurity?

In lieu of yet another doping story, I though I'd spring this little scandal on the Podium Cafe. Small children and sensitive individuals will want to immediatey click away...

Via the Pinchflat comes this stirring story of romantic love -- a love for the ages.

It seems this Scottish gentleman was accused of having... err... simulated sex with his bicycle:

Robert Stewart, from Ayr, allegedly was naked from the waist down in a hostel room when two cleaners walked in. They say they were shocked to find him mock-copulating with a bicycle - and that he continued to do so as they looked on, the Sunday Mail reports.

He has been charged with conducting himself in a disorderly manner. His solicitor, Gerry Tierney, said: 'My client denies the allegations and intends to defend the charge vigorously.'

Stewarts says that the incident was all a misunderstanding, partly due to the fact that he'd had too much to drink.

Ahh, the old "too much to drink so I had sex with my top tube" excuse. If we've heard it once, we've heard it a thousand times...

No word yet as to whether the bike was of monocoque construction, though I expect our Technical Editor to get right on this one.

Blink, and just might miss the best photo collection about cycling in Flanders. A stunning online collection of contemporary B&W photographs by Stephan Vanfleteren transcends typical race photography, and examines the region, the fans, and the cyclists close up.

Brilliant stuff. Don't miss it. Just don't.

Hard Men of Flanders photo exhibit

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The arbiter picked by Landis in his USADA doping case is claiming he was excluded from deliberations over a key decision in the case (eerily similar to Landis' representative being excluded from key tests at the French lab).

The following comes from a blog entry citing multiple sources.

Looks like the anti-doping agencies shoot their credibility in its bullet-riddled foot yet again...

Blog entry about Landis case with many links

Cycling equipment is pretty much a blur of cold, impersonal carbon fiber these days, but every once in a while a truly thoughtful, revolutionary product rears its head (literally).

Via the Spluch site comes...

My favorite is the bear saddle cover, but Drew and Elvis will likely prefer the goat.

My sources report extensive wind tunnel testing is underway among ProTour teams, who -- having been denied the easy performance enhancements that come in a syringe-loaded cooler -- are looking for speed everywhere possible...

Once again, Podium Cafe leads cycling journalism into a new era...

Didi Senfit - the maniac who runs alongside the riders in his devil outfit (show of hands for those developing a marked preference for the Specialized Angel) - has been busy in the offseason.

The colossal fish bike! (Why didn't we think of that??)

Of course, we'll expect a full, in-depth review of this quantum leap in cycling technology from our technical editors. I expect to see fish bikes under all the top GC contenders during rainy stages.

Gentlemen?

The Hincapie Multisports Community??

I'm surprised my invitation to live there (thereby driving up property values) hasn't arrived yet, but I'm sure it's in the mail.

Still, so the rest of you will know where I've moved to so other, lesser athletes can learn from me:

Greenville, SC­­­­-- There are numerous golf communities designed and built for golfers, and now there will be a Cycling and Multi-Sport Community designed and built exclusively for cyclists and endurance sport enthusiasts.

Yup, we're talking about 300-acre site located 22 miles north of Greenville, SC, with a bunch of mountain home sites.

A dedicated community for athletes? Two thoughts:

First, it already exists (it's called Boulder, Colorado).

And second, the athletes who really need to live there have got absolutely zero chance of scraping together the money to do so.

Still, I'm willing to be wrong (though it's never actually happened). Read all about it at:

Hincapie village article on Roadmag.com

Milan's Marco Borriello is a soccer player with a supermodel girlfriend. He failed a drug test, but says that he "ingested" the offending substance while...er...uhh...hmmmm...

Better read the story yourself.

Why can't cyclists come up with drug test failure excuses this good?

I can't wait for Dick Pound's/McQuaid's comments on this one...

Let the bad sexual punning begin...

This is definitely NOT 100 characters. But do this for a while, a while, a while, a while, and it definitely is. (118)