I am a sinner.

 

It was not Maddon’s deployment of the bullpen or any other reason that cost the Rays the win in game 5. 

 

It was me.  

 

Yes, I am to blame.  Not once but twice I tempted the fates of the game and defied the saints of superstition by conducting myself with behaviors to suggest the Rays had already won the ALCS.  I guess you can say I had a couple of premature exclamations. On Wednesday I gloated to an office mate (a Red Sox) fan and then again found myself pouring over Philly’s rotation as the top of the 7th unfolded.

 

Thus I find myself contrite and suppliant as I offer up this novena to the gods of baseball.  For all those who may have sinned as I have let us don sackcloth and ash (or flannel and wool unis) and beg forgiveness with this prayer.

 

“Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maximus culpa. 

 

Oh deity of the diamond, I pray that you forgive me for my gleeful gloating over the gallant Algonquin guardians of this glorious game.  I must have been temporarily insane or intoxicated with unbridled bliss and elation to have made such impetuous remarks last Wednesday.  It was I who was bamboozled by Beelzebub and now I stand before you humbled and humiliated seeking absolution.   

 

Oh christ of the Cowbell hear my plea.  I accept responsibility and kneel before you penitent.  I beseech you (which I believe is legal in the state of Florida) Oh savior of the Cowhide Sphere, allow Game 5's 8 run comeback to be the full extent of my chastisement and I promise never to sin again.  Deliver us a victory Saturday and I promise I will always do the dishes, make my bed, never disobey, be to work on time, never speed or flash the finger in traffic, pick my nose, or leave the lid up. 

 

Suffer not the Rays, Oh redeemer of the Rosin Bag.  I implore you Oh lord of the Louisville Slugger, send down your holy spirit of Selig for intercession that the Rays' feet be swift, their bats virile, their gloves soft and their arms dominant over the nylons from the northeast this weekend.  This I pray in your name Oh prince of the Pine Tar.

 

Amen.

Having fun yet?

 

It’s not time to panic: even after the two losses to the Bankmes the Rays still have the best record in baseball.  But I will declare tonight’s game is officially the first MUST WIN game in Rays history.

 

Isn’t it ironic.  On the pregame radio show it was mentioned what a great job Hinske and Aybar have been doing filling in.  Rays beat writer Marc Tomkin, while agreeing, forewarned that Longoria and CC will be missed and that with extended play role players show why they are not starters (see Geoff Blum, circa 2004).  Not to pile on but after last night’s game I have only one question:  Hey Marc, what’s today’s Lotto numbers?

 

Is Andy Sonnanstine the official scorer?  I ask this only because I can think of 4 or 5 plays last night that should have / could have been ruled as errors but went as hits (which led to earned runs) wrecking havoc on E-Jax’s et al ERA.

 

Maybe we should have signed Bonds.  If for nothing else at least he could have shared some of that ‘arthritic cream’ he used to use with Tom Foley.  Foley’s arthritis must be severely acute seeing that he can’t move his arms to wave guys in.   

 

The only thing more amorphic than Runge’s strike zone Tuesday night is his fat ass.  Boy, his father must be embarrassed.

 

Was Linda Blair in the house because it sure seemed like the devil returned to the Rays.  Let’s be honest but after the past two nights tell me again:  Which team is young and fast playing with great pitching and defense and which team looks old and plodding with a disastrous rotation?

 

I turned to Webster and looked up “Playing Not To Lose” and found videos of Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s games.

 

I must need Prozac.  The Rays lose back to back games at the Trop for the first time since mid-April and drop just their first series since the all-star break and I’m glum and all dooms-dayish (not really).  Things are so bad I need psychotropics, or maybe that little blue pill to get up.

 

Read it here first.  The Rays will win tonight and finish the homestand 6-3.  If you told me before the stand started with Toronto that the Rays would go 6-3, I’d have been happy.

 

Go Rays!  Ya Hafta Have Faith.

We have been blasted on the national and local scene for the attendance at our American League best and first place Rays.  While I am not absolving this area and its fans (there are attendance issues that remain problematic which I hope to address latter) I think the level of criticism is exaggerated, unwarranted and uninformed.    

 

I am and have been a full season ticket holder who lives in Tampa.  I have missed just 3 games (all 12:30 mid-week starts) this season at the Trop.  I say this not for any kudos but simply to validate I am a firsthand witness to what’s been happening at the Trop since it was the former white elephant known as the Florida Suncoast Dome. 

 

All I can tell you is that this year, this magical season, I have experienced such overwhelming pride and joy not only for the success of our exceptional team, but also for the fans and followers who have come out and cheered them on.  The excitement and the glorious pandemonium that comes with the deafening raucous of a near capacity Rays-supporting crowd is priceless, and there have been more of those than ever before in the stadium’s history.  This is one passionate and loud crowd

 

Since Stu et al arrived on the scene they have done a tremendous job in making the Trop a fan-friendly and inviting trip to the park.  Remodeling the concourse, sprucing the field, installing a state of the art video/scoreboard and offering free parking led to a modest increase in attendance each of the first 2 years.  But the construction job that really mattered was the one they did on the team itself and the result of that production has seen a dramatic increase in attendance.

 

Dramatic, isn’t that a little wrought with hyberbole?  You tell me.

 

There’s no arguing that the crowds for the 3 LA Angels games and the 2 Toronto games have been horrendous.  The Toronto series has been especially embarrassing.  At least the Angels series had a legitimate excuse with Fay.  I understand that school just started back and families have to get adjusted to new schedules, but 12 or 13 thousand for Toronto with a team in the heat of a pennant race is bad, plain and simple.  But these games have been the exception not the rule. 

 

Prior to the LA series the Rays were averaging 22,959 per game at the Trop.  That’s nearly a 35% (33.8 to be precise) increase in attendance over last year and last year (at 17,148 per game) was our high-water mark in attendance for the millennium.  Put another way, the attendance this year at Tropicana is 63% higher than what the Namoli era averaged over his last 4 years (14,104).  Even with the drag of these past 5 games we’re still averaging 21,632 per game.  That’s a 26% increase over last year and the highest increase in all of major league baseball.  In fact, while attendance is down this year for the majority of teams (53%), Tampa Bay is one of only four teams which have seen an increase of at least 10%.

 

Make no mistake our percentage increases are attractive in part because the base numbers to which they’re compared were so woefully pathetic.  We are still the 5th worst team in attendance and draw 34% less than MLB’s average attendance (32,647).  IMO, that is a vestige of a pathetic losing record and the piss-poor management of the past regime.  Most of our attendance is walk up, the season ticket base is gravely lacking.  Watch for that to bump up dramatically next year and beyond. 

 

Still, old parochial pouting and empty excuses are still too common.  Too many Tampanians are acting like Tampons refusing to step out of their warm secure crevice.  Listen, I will never judge a fan’s loyalty based on how many games they attend.  You can be the world’s greatest fan who simply can’t get to the games for a wide variety of valid reasons, but still listen, watch and talk up the Rays.  You are a valued and true fan and should stand up and be proud.  But for those who call themselves fans, live in close proximity and have the ability and opportunity to come to the games but don’t and yet complain about everything, well….. I fart in your general direction.

 

Get over it.  The stadium is in St Pete, not Tampa.  It is no that far or difficult to get to from Tampa. 

 

The fact remains, this team is more popular than ever and attendance is on the rise.  Although the weekend series with Baltimore will compete with football, I’m confident you’ll see crowds more towards the norm.  New York will draw and then its Boston and wild card contender Minnesota to finish the season’s home schedule.  I’m confident will improve our average attendance.

 

The band-wagon is churning, even if it does take some 4 ½ hours to get here from downtown Tampa.

I’m off to Cleveland to catch the four game series v the Tribe.  Each year my son (who lives in Chicago) and I pick a weekend road trip (preferably a 4 game set) and get together to catch the Rays on the road. 

 

Hopefully I can bring a little of the Trop’s winning ways with me and get the guys back on track.  I’ll take 3 out of 4 (although I selfishly would love a sweep) and guarantee we’re still in first at the break.

 

Go Rays, and lets exorcise the termites from the lumber.

 

Hafta Have Faith

In the last 18 games (since June 18th) he has scored 19 runs and his 28 hits are unsurpassed by anyone on the team.  He’s hit .363 in 77 ABs with 4 HRs and 14 Ribbys.  Is he Evan Longoria? 

 

No, Evan has actually done better (.383-5-20 in 73 ABs).  Our guy’s the reluctant centerfielder, the thinking man’s ballplayer.  Yup, Carl Crawford has been on fire since returning from his suspension.  Who woulda thunk it, apparently not CC…after all, he doesn’t like to think.

 

On the other hand, the other centerfielder has been chillin like one of Joe’s chardonnays.  In 70 ABs he’s hitting an even .200 with only 4 ribbys and 1 blast.  He has scored 14 runs however.  But that’s Ruthian compared to the bat of Jonny Gnomes (.047 in 21 ABs).  Talk about shrinkage.  ‘Jonny, grow the long locks back.  Your bats been as potent as George Castanza’s after a swim ever since going to the skinhead look 2 years ago

 

On the other other hand, Hinske has been rocking along at a .325-2-10 in 43 ABs, and while Gross hasn’t hit much better than Jonny at least he has 6 rbis in his limited plate appearances and there’s a legitimate purpose for him to wear a glove.

VB faces of at high noon with a showdown v the Clearwater Thrashers.  Chuck Tiffany is pitching for the D-Rays and Rocco Baldelli has staked him to an early 1-0 lead after 1 inning.  Desmond Jennings led of the game with a triple and scored on a GO to second by Rocco.

 

Tiffany got out of a jam in the bottom of the inning with a double play ball and a strike-out by the #5 hitter with runners on second and third.

 

The VB D-Rays marked again in their half of the second.  Ryan Royster singled and advanced to second on a Garrett Groce single.  He latter scored on a hit by De La Rosa, but the Rays could get no more

Let’s review how this whole thing started.  Crisp is upset because he jammed his finger sliding head first into second where Jason Bartlett had the bag blocked off with his knee.  So he retaliates by trying to rip off Aki Iwamura’s family jewels?  Then, when the Rays (as any team would/should have) retaliate he charges the mound

 

Exactly who is the jackass here?  IMHO it is without a doubt ‘Special K’ Crisp.  After his little charade he has shown himself to be nothing but a whining jerk softer than soggy corn puffs.  Hey, if the guy gets his jollies by fondling another man’s puckage that’s one thing, but go to a truck stop or a rest room at the GOP convention to do it.  Don’t do it at second base and don’t do it to Aki’s puckage.

 

Aw, paw witttle Cocco Cwisps hurt his wittle pinkie because dat mean buwwie Jason Bawtlett bwocked the bag wit his kneebone.  Mommy, mommy Jason’s pwaying mean mommy, make him stawp, Whaaaa.

 

Learn how to play the game Corn Puff.  Bartlett did absolutely nothing wrong nor shady as Froot Loops insinuated.  He blocked the bag with his knee.  That’s sound fundamental baseball.  He didn’t slam down on Crisp’s hand with his knee; his knee was already positioned on the ground in front of the bag before the Frosted Flake slid in.  Hey numbnuts, if you don’t like it here’s an idea.  Don’t slide head first.  Come in feet first and I guarantee Bartlett will think twice about blocking off the bag.

 

But no, this little wimp throws a forearm into Aki’s Lucky Charms.  Then he has the audacity to thump his chest at Maddon and the Rays declaring him the Alpha man.  Alphaass is more like it.

 

If he was half a man he would have done the right thing on Thursday.  Shields plucked him in the thigh.  The thigh?  The thigh!  Capt’n got Crunched should have taken his medicine like a man; smiled and trotted off to first base grateful he got off so lightly by only getting hit in the thigh.  And for Bo-sox fan to take umbrage is ridiculous; if it had been Pedro or Roid-Raged Roger the batter would be spitting out chiclets with Bud Selig’s initials on ‘em.

10.  As a child Stu Sternberg was given Buster Brown haircuts.  He has since developed a severe adversity towards anything associated with the word ‘Buster’.

 

9.  Tim’s signing comes with a free copy of the movie ‘Bend It Like Beckham’ which will be shown after Sunday Family-games for the kiddies.

 

8.  Several cross-checkers filed poor reports on Buster.  It was latter discovered they were scouting Buster Poindexter and not Buster Posey.  He wasn’t Hot, Hot, Hot.

 

7.  City Council refused to sign over the development rights for Tropicana Field and build a waterfront locker with a retractable sail as demanded by Scott Boras for his client Pedro Alvarez.  

 

6.  It’s true, Buster Posey has played all nine positions.  Still, for $12 M, he’d better be able to play several of them simultaneously.

 

5.  Dewon Brazelton wasn’t available as the cheaper alternative.

 

4.  Matt Silverman is determined to develop the Killer Bs at shortstop: Bartlett, Brignac and Beckham

 

3.  It was done for convenience.  Tim already has TB stitched into his underwear for when he’s sent to minor league summer camp.

 

2.  Andrew Friedman really digs Posh.

 

And the Number One reason why the Rays picked Tim Beckham

 

1.  Because this is a smart organization that listened to their baseball people and took the talent with the best upside rather than for need or expediency.  And they’re holding out hope that they can now get the Spice Girls to perform for one of the Saturday night concerts.

After leaving the Trop last night I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like watching it at the waterfront stadium.  Under the stars on a seasonably cool night and kicking some Spank-me butt!  Priceless.

 

Watching the defensive wizardry of Bartlett and Aki turning the double play is pure pleasure.  And while Longo may be pressing at the plate he surely hasn’t let it affect his glove.  Pena, CC, Upton, aw hell, give the whole team credit for the leather work.

 

Speaking of which, when Bartlett drove in those two runs with his triple, would that be a Bartlett pear or pair?

 

Message to Andy Pettitte:  ‘Andy, your father just called.  He wants his HGH back.  He figures he might as well use it ‘cause it sure ain’t working for you.’

 

If Bobby Abreu was not traded for Kevin Stocker he’d be playing for a winner now.

 

When I first saw the headline “Rays: 22-16” I thought it was going to be another story about Elijah Dukes and the age discrepancies of his babies mamas.

 

Last night’s attendance.  It was nice not having to put up with obnoxious faux yankee fan (you know, the kind that live in Tampa, have never been to NY, wears more chains than a penal road-gang, speaks in mono-syllabic grunts and thinks Highlanders refers to an immortal swordsman), but to tell you the truth I was beginning to wonder if I wasn’t at a Blue Man Group audition.

 

With Matsui bragging about his bodacious porn collection would you want to be an ump having to check his bat for a foreign substance?

 

Speaking of Godzilla, I understand he was ecstatic that the Todd Videos was running a two for one adult DVD sale.  He picked up “Pride of the Spank Me” and “Bang the Rump Slowly”

 

Something must be wrong with our scoreboard.  The visitor’s score-line has been malfunctioning.  It can’t display anything but 0s.

 

Trivia:  Name the All-Time Best Yankee Trade?  Nope, it wasn’t Ruth for No-No Nanette.  IMHO, their greatest trade still remains the Fritz Peterson / Mike Kekich ‘swap’.