SB Nation User Blog: Top Gun Numba 1

OTTOTD 12/4/09. IT'S IT'S IT'S Free-Association Friday!

Top Gun Numba 1 — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 15:16:33 -0000

Because you little monsters are all patently Freudian wet dreams lets spice things up with a little free-association.

Below is a series of words (nouns and verbs). Please tell me the first thing that comes into your mind when you see them.

NO CHEATING

Rocket
Pencil
Train Going Through a Tunnel
Full Penetration
Hot Dog
Sausage
Forearm
Banana
Shaft
Stroke
Wood
Lumber
Pipe
Hose
Tube
Snake
MALE CHICKEN
Crime Stinks: The Smell of Penetration

OTTOTD 12/2/09: Gimme that Christian Side-Hug

Top Gun Numba 1 — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:28:29 -0000

The Online Slang Dictionary defines a "Christian side hug" as:
"a 'hug' performed by standing side-by-side with another person - hips together - and briefly putting one's hand on the other person's opposite hip or shoulder"

The idea is that hugging in the normal (i.e., not idiotic) way invites sin, as the crotches of the two huggers in question come mighty close, possibly inciting lustful thoughts.

Once upon a time we were falling in love, now we're only falling apart.

OTTOTD 11/06/09: Dicktowel Weekends

Top Gun Numba 1 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:30:03 -0000

Dear Chase I feel like I can call you chase because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you but I think you'd be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have no been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real homerun!

Your Off Topic Thread of the Day for 9/29/09: OTTOTD Got Game

Top Gun Numba 1 — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:37:52 -0000

It's was relatively cool this morning, good weather for a jog.

Howard Troxler has an opinion on that

Basketball camps start today, so screw the Bucs (and their Kenyanofacist policies) and Rays.

And why does that matter?

Basketball is like poetry in motion, cross the guy to the left, take him back to the right, he's fallin' back, then just J right in his face. Then you look at him and say, "What?"

Bonus quote:

Big Time Willie: Do you know how to spell pussy?
Coleman 'Booger' Sykes: I know! P-U...
Big Time Willie: ...H-I-V.

OTTOTD: Oh Snap! Santeria Edition

Top Gun Numba 1 — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:10:13 -0000

Invading Headless Goats! (Link brought to you by Tampabay.com. Check it out!)

And of course a quote from the greatest documentary about Santeria ever made:

[Bond sees a possible weapon]
Black Man: [to Bond] Keep your hands up, honkey!
[to his pal]
Black Man: What does he think this is? I'll blow his friggin' head off.

Bonus quote for space reasons!

Mr. Big: [to his men] Is THIS the stupid mother who tailed you uptown?
James Bond: There seems to be some mistake. My name is...
Mr. Big: Names is for tombstones, baby! Y'all take this honkey out and WASTE HIM! NOW!

OTTOTD for 9/11 (an eagle cries): Organic Edition

Top Gun Numba 1 — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:27:33 -0000

I only started this because there was no thread and I really wanted to post this:

Bob Arum: MMA Is Homos Rolling Around for Skinheads

Bob Arum rules.

Now in honor of 9/11:

I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little ass, Gonna kick some ass in the USA, Gonna climb a mountain, Gonna sew a flag, Gonna fly on an Eagle, I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world..., Gonna kick some ass, Gonna rise up, Kick a little ass, ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE!

Josh Hamilton is pious and repentant

Top Gun Numba 1 — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:26:08 -0000

http://deadspin.com/5332801/the-devil-is-still-in-josh-hamilton/gallery/

Haha, no he isn't.

The girls left. According to one patron, Hamilton, piss-drunk by that point, asked the manager where he could buy blow. The manager didn't know. "Let's go to a strip club," Hamilton said. Someone drove Hamilton to Les Girls in Phoenix, Arizona.

It sure seems like nothing has changed for The Natural.

He's still talented, injury prone, and probably still a drug addict. I have always said that losing him in the Rule 5 wasn't a big deal, and I was glad he's gone. He's a terrible influence on those around him despite being given chance after chance to get things right.

Remember that Elijah Dukes was run out of town after given a total of 1 disciplinary action. Josh Hamilton was here for 9 years, given chance after chance. The last trouble Dukes got into was for showing up late to a game because he spent too long at a charity event.

The African American Intelligencia Loves the Rays

Top Gun Numba 1 — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:29:35 -0000

...probably.

From an article on The Root about Manny returning

In the American League East, the usual suspects—the Red Sox and the New York Yankees—are dueling at the top with the Tampa Bay Rays and Toronto Blue Jays a few games back. All four teams have suffered through significant injuries and surprising bouts of ineffectiveness. Of the four contenders, the Rays have the best run differential, so barring further injuries or slick trades by the other teams, Tampa Bay should win this division, and the Yankees and Red Sox will battle for the wild card.

I'm not saying the logic is unassailable, but it's nice to see none-the-less.

As a bonus this article spends a lot of time talking shit about the NL, which I whole-heartedly support.

Fight Fight Fight!

Top Gun Numba 1 — Sat, 30 May 2009 06:04:12 -0000

Allow me to present to you, a dramatization of Gary Shelton and "The Point After" Commenter "Ray" having words:

Groovy Time for a Movie Time!

Words:

Jose, at what point did getting into the ring with a 7-2, 330 mixed martial artist seem like a good idea?

Pretty much, we can all agree on two things about Canseco. One,there was a lot of truth to what he said about ballplayers and steroids in his book. Two, he can't fight a lick.

How about him fighting Gary Shelton? At least he had the courage to step in the ring. That's something for sure Gary doesn't have. Hey Gary, Mr. Canseco is free to do whatever he likes to do. Why should that be of my business or yours?

Posted by: Ray | Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 12:27 PM

Okay, Ray. Let me explain this slowly.

I write opinions on sports. This is a blog where I do so. Jose Canseco is a sports figure. With me so far? That's why it's my business.

As far as getting into the ring, I'm flattered you would shell out the pay-per-view money.

But again, the point of the post is to say that it's silly to get hit in the face for money.

Thanks for your input, though.

Posted by: Gary Shelton | Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 03:34 PM

God I love funnel cake

Posted by: Gary Shelton (probably)

The Point After - Didn't Know They Were Up This Late Edition

Top Gun Numba 1 — Tue, 26 May 2009 04:49:07 -0000

See if you can guess which of these was written before the game, and which after.

David Price's apprenticeship has ended, and he joins the Rays rotation as the most talked-about pitcher in franchise history.

David Price is a nice replacement, but it's risky business to count on a rookie as a savior. How much trouble are they in?

And to get us to 75 words we have a HILARIOUS ROCKY JOKE from my man G-Shelt

How much trouble is there? If this was a one of those 83 Rocky sequels, you would say this sets up the comeback quite nicely. In real life, however, it looks ugly.