SB Nation User Blog: Top Gun Numba 1

OTTOTD 11/06/09: Dicktowel Weekends

Top Gun Numba 1 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:30:03 -0000

Dear Chase I feel like I can call you chase because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you but I think you'd be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have no been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real homerun!

Your Off Topic Thread of the Day for 9/29/09: OTTOTD Got Game

Top Gun Numba 1 — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:37:52 -0000

It's was relatively cool this morning, good weather for a jog.

Howard Troxler has an opinion on that

Basketball camps start today, so screw the Bucs (and their Kenyanofacist policies) and Rays.

And why does that matter?

Basketball is like poetry in motion, cross the guy to the left, take him back to the right, he's fallin' back, then just J right in his face. Then you look at him and say, "What?"

Bonus quote:

Big Time Willie: Do you know how to spell pussy?
Coleman 'Booger' Sykes: I know! P-U...
Big Time Willie: ...H-I-V.

OTTOTD: Oh Snap! Santeria Edition

Top Gun Numba 1 — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:10:13 -0000

Invading Headless Goats! (Link brought to you by Tampabay.com. Check it out!)

And of course a quote from the greatest documentary about Santeria ever made:

[Bond sees a possible weapon]
Black Man: [to Bond] Keep your hands up, honkey!
[to his pal]
Black Man: What does he think this is? I'll blow his friggin' head off.

Bonus quote for space reasons!

Mr. Big: [to his men] Is THIS the stupid mother who tailed you uptown?
James Bond: There seems to be some mistake. My name is...
Mr. Big: Names is for tombstones, baby! Y'all take this honkey out and WASTE HIM! NOW!

OTTOTD for 9/11 (an eagle cries): Organic Edition

Top Gun Numba 1 — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:27:33 -0000

I only started this because there was no thread and I really wanted to post this:

Bob Arum: MMA Is Homos Rolling Around for Skinheads

Bob Arum rules.

Now in honor of 9/11:

I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little ass, Gonna kick some ass in the USA, Gonna climb a mountain, Gonna sew a flag, Gonna fly on an Eagle, I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world..., Gonna kick some ass, Gonna rise up, Kick a little ass, ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE!

Josh Hamilton is pious and repentant

Top Gun Numba 1 — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:26:08 -0000

http://deadspin.com/5332801/the-devil-is-still-in-josh-hamilton/gallery/

Haha, no he isn't.

The girls left. According to one patron, Hamilton, piss-drunk by that point, asked the manager where he could buy blow. The manager didn't know. "Let's go to a strip club," Hamilton said. Someone drove Hamilton to Les Girls in Phoenix, Arizona.

It sure seems like nothing has changed for The Natural.

He's still talented, injury prone, and probably still a drug addict. I have always said that losing him in the Rule 5 wasn't a big deal, and I was glad he's gone. He's a terrible influence on those around him despite being given chance after chance to get things right.

Remember that Elijah Dukes was run out of town after given a total of 1 disciplinary action. Josh Hamilton was here for 9 years, given chance after chance. The last trouble Dukes got into was for showing up late to a game because he spent too long at a charity event.

The African American Intelligencia Loves the Rays

Top Gun Numba 1 — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:29:35 -0000

...probably.

From an article on The Root about Manny returning

In the American League East, the usual suspects—the Red Sox and the New York Yankees—are dueling at the top with the Tampa Bay Rays and Toronto Blue Jays a few games back. All four teams have suffered through significant injuries and surprising bouts of ineffectiveness. Of the four contenders, the Rays have the best run differential, so barring further injuries or slick trades by the other teams, Tampa Bay should win this division, and the Yankees and Red Sox will battle for the wild card.

I'm not saying the logic is unassailable, but it's nice to see none-the-less.

As a bonus this article spends a lot of time talking shit about the NL, which I whole-heartedly support.

Fight Fight Fight!

Top Gun Numba 1 — Sat, 30 May 2009 06:04:12 -0000

Allow me to present to you, a dramatization of Gary Shelton and "The Point After" Commenter "Ray" having words:

Groovy Time for a Movie Time!

Words:

Jose, at what point did getting into the ring with a 7-2, 330 mixed martial artist seem like a good idea?

Pretty much, we can all agree on two things about Canseco. One,there was a lot of truth to what he said about ballplayers and steroids in his book. Two, he can't fight a lick.

How about him fighting Gary Shelton? At least he had the courage to step in the ring. That's something for sure Gary doesn't have. Hey Gary, Mr. Canseco is free to do whatever he likes to do. Why should that be of my business or yours?

Posted by: Ray | Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 12:27 PM

Okay, Ray. Let me explain this slowly.

I write opinions on sports. This is a blog where I do so. Jose Canseco is a sports figure. With me so far? That's why it's my business.

As far as getting into the ring, I'm flattered you would shell out the pay-per-view money.

But again, the point of the post is to say that it's silly to get hit in the face for money.

Thanks for your input, though.

Posted by: Gary Shelton | Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 03:34 PM

God I love funnel cake

Posted by: Gary Shelton (probably)

The Point After - Didn't Know They Were Up This Late Edition

Top Gun Numba 1 — Tue, 26 May 2009 04:49:07 -0000

See if you can guess which of these was written before the game, and which after.

David Price's apprenticeship has ended, and he joins the Rays rotation as the most talked-about pitcher in franchise history.

David Price is a nice replacement, but it's risky business to count on a rookie as a savior. How much trouble are they in?

And to get us to 75 words we have a HILARIOUS ROCKY JOKE from my man G-Shelt

How much trouble is there? If this was a one of those 83 Rocky sequels, you would say this sets up the comeback quite nicely. In real life, however, it looks ugly.

New 'Nando Blog Post

Top Gun Numba 1 — Mon, 25 May 2009 17:32:16 -0000

Bask in my man's erudition by clicking this here blue text.

When a player uses the same song over a long period of time, the song disappears to the player (which is likely advantageous) and really becomes property of the fans. When Evan Longoria comes up in a big spot and the first few seconds of “Down and Out” by Tantric plays, it cues the crowd to follow in a chorus of excitement and irrational expectations that thrillingly thwart out the announcing of his name. As Evan came up to the plate with the bases loaded against the Red Sox on May 1, this all became so clear. While the staff and most of the players play it cool, you may catch any one of us on the bench rolling our neck into position to play air violin along with the riff.

The Point After for 5.12.09

Top Gun Numba 1 — Wed, 13 May 2009 03:53:05 -0000

The Rays are struggling a little bit. The Magic are blowing a winnable series. Bad times right now. So to lift everyone's spirits, here are some selections from a little blog called "The Point After" (Tampa Bay Dot Com, Check it out!)

To begin here, the blog is described thusly:

It ain't easy annoying an entire market of sports fans one newspaper at a time. So, to expedite the process, Times columnists Gary Shelton and John Romano are bringing cranky to the web site. They'll dance, they'll sing. John may even scratch himself. And, this time, they're inviting you to take part in the debate.

Yes, this blog is the viking funeral for Newspaper Sportswriting.

Hmm, I wonder what kind of topic "cranky" sportswriters would like to delve into. Steroids perhaps?

Well, of course. Gary? Take it away:

If you took all the junk that athletes have used over the years, would you have to be on steroids to lift it? For crying out loud, how much of the cheater juice is out there? Rivers? Oceans? More than all the bottles of water in the country?

Ahahahahaha, good one! Take that bottled water drinkers!

You know who's hot with the kids on the internet these days? The Boston Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. Lets see Gary attempt to capture that same style of irreverent pop culture references:

Throw in the human growth hormone, and all the drugs used to mask it from detection, and even Willie Nelson would be impressed.

Willie Nelson! Relevant 30 years ago!!!! HE DID DRUGS! GET IT!?!??! OLD PEOPLE!!!!

Manny got popped for a fertility drug, seems ripe for comedy...

By now, of course, you have heard that Manny Ramirez has tested positive for a female fertility drug -- just Manny being tranny -- that is commonly used to restart testosterone production after a steroid cycle.

YES! /high-fives air-firn that is my only companion in here in Mom's basement.

The ~~column~~ BLOG POST then quickly devolves into the always fresh realm of Hall of Fame worthiness.

That's an awful lot of guys not allowed in the Hall. Throw in Pete Rose and the Black Sox, and you're getting close to a pretty good roster. And remember, we have no idea how many players used -- and how many didn't.

Just a reminder, Gary has a BBWAA Badge. He can do something about this.

I'm getting pretty bored with this (I'd imagine you'd feel the same way if you were actually still reading at this point), so I need you to take us home G. Shel (we homies):

Here's a solution. How about a Hall of Shame wing out back of the Hall of Fame? It would be for players whose scandals have kept them out of the main wing. You could have betting slips and syringes and t-shirts with Jose Canseco's face.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HALL OF SHAME. LMBO!! LMAO!!!! LMUO (laugh my uterus out)!!!!!!!! BRILLIANT GARY, YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN!!!!!!!