Don Shula admits "concern" Colts or Saints could go unbeaten
Posted by Michael David Smith on December 15, 2009 1:23 PM ET
Don Shula is the only coach in NFL history to lead a team to an unbeaten, untied season. But Shula acknowledges that he's worried he won't have that distinction all to himself much longer.

Shula thinks this year's Colts or Saints are each capable of winning three more games in the regular season and three in the postseason and join his 1972 Miami Dolphins in finishing a season with an unblemished record.

"They're a legitimate concern," Shula said of the Colts and Saints in an interview with the Fox affiliate in Orlando. "I'm rooting secretly inside that somebody beats them."

But Shula insists that he and his former players aren't the spoilsports they're sometimes portrayed as. The coach was effusive with his praise of Colts quarterback Peyton Manning and Saints quarterback Drew Brees, and he said he could even see the teams both being 18-0 and meeting each other in the Super Bowl.

If that happens, Shula says, he'll be the first to reach out to the winning coach.

"We're very proud of that but we're not a bunch of angry old men that sit around and can't wait for that last undefeated team to get beat," Shula said. "If somebody breaks that record . . . I'm going to call that coach and congratulate him."

Colts Team Report

FOXBORO, MA—Citing his season-ending injury and diminishing enthusiasm for the game, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced his retirement yesterday, and said he plans to spend more time with breath-takingly hot women. Brady says he hopes to live as normal a life as possible while traveling the world and having mind-blowing sex with women most men would never dream of even talking to.

"I just feel like I’ve come to the point where my desire to play football has been outweighed by my desire to sleep with gorgeous women," a statement by Brady read. "I’ve had a lot of fun during my time with the Patriots, and I wish all my fans and teammates the best as I move forward."

Brady’s agent says the three-time Super Bowl champ plans to have sex with stunningly attractive women in every country on Earth and hopefully sire enough children to form his own NFL team. When asked what Brady intended to do once he had successfully exchanged bodily fluids with every jaw-dropping woman in the world, Brady’s agent speculated that Tom might start having sex with normally straight men to further solidify his status as an unstoppable force of hunk. Despite the fact that Brady is not fluent in any language other than English, Brady’s agent assured SSNN that "all women speak quarterback."

Many of Brady’s now-former teammates had nothing but praise for the future Hall-of-famer. RB Laurence Maroney told SSNN, "Now that he’s finished with football, it’s good to know he can focus on his hobbies—and having sex with flawless specimens of feminine beauty is just one of the many things Tom excels at. He’s earned a long, hard—ummm, I mean quiet–retirement."

"I wish him the best of luck," said S Rodney Harrison. "He was a fantastic quarterback, but he was an even better lover—uh, not that I would know about that or anything."

Even the normally bland Bill Belichick had nothing but kind things to say about the Pro Bowler. "I mean, I will never forgive him or any of his descendants for quitting before his contract was up, but even I recognize that Tom won’t be young forever—substantially longer than anyone his age, but certainly not forever—and when destiny calls, you’d better go to meet it."

Former teammate and recently DUI’d SS Lawyer Milloy told SSNN, "To me Brady really is a ‘what if’ story. He was always constantly exhausted from nailing babes at all hours of the day. All the physical exertion he put himself through with the ladies makes me wonder just what he would have been had he gone to bed at a normal hour instead of cruising around, picking out the hottest chick in a crowd and dragging her away to ferociously make love to her. It boggles the mind to think what he could have been."

Matt Cassel could not be reached for comment as he was uncontrollably weeping in a corner. Meanwhile, Brady will be housed at Shady Valleys Stud Farm, just outside of Boston. He is currently accepting applicants who wish to mate with him

POLIAN CALLS OUT REF, KIND OF
Posted by Mike Florio on September 23, 2008, 4:47 p.m. EDT
Though despite "shaking in anger" he opted not to address after Sunday’s loss to the Jaguars the interference call that extended the drive that culminated in a game-winning field goal, Colts G.M. Bill Polian alluded to the situation during his Monday radio show the disappointing outcome.

"I can’t think of a worse night I’ve had after a ball game since the loss in Foxboro in ‘o3," Polian said. "Interestingly enough it was the same referee on the game."

The audio is available at the Colts’ official web site.

The only problem with Polian’s assertion is that it wasn’t the same referree. During the 2003 AFC title game in Foxborough, the referee was Walt Coleman. On Sunday, it was James Coleman. (We don’t know whether they are related.)

But even though Polian was factually incorrect, he seems to be implying that the referee had a bias against the Colts, and that’s the kind of thing that could get Polian fined, since the league prohibits at a minimum criticism of the integrity of officiating.