Last time Vandy beat UTK, I had 50 on Vandy with the points (I think it was 13.5) and 50 on the moneyline (something like 370). Plus, I was there with the same guy I am going to today's game with. And that's what you need to remember, Vanderbilt sporting events revolve around ME AND NOTHING ELSE. I AM IN CONTROL OF THIS. IT'S ON LOCKDOWN. So, split your bets between those two.

This game is for Robbie's job. UTK has beaten a bad Ole Miss team and an even worse Memphis team. Their bowl chances stop here. Please God. 

14.5 point underdog. Don't bet on this game. 

Last weekend I left a Vanderbilt football game at half time for the first time in my life. I've been going to Vandy games for just short of 30 years. The performance against Florida was reminiscent of the way the guys mailed it in when Woody got fired. Similar in feel to the UT game in '98 which is my least favorite fan memory ever. 

In light of that, here are some other things that are going on in Middle Tennessee that are likely to be more fun and a better use of your time than watching the trainwreck in Lexington: 

1. Christmas Village - I don't know exactly what this is, but apparently women between the ages of 22 and 95 LOVE IT. Good spot to pick up chicks. And Christmas tree ornaments. Odds of having your heart ripped out by special teams at Christmas Village: 50000 to 1. 

2. A Terrible Lie Open Rehearsals - admission is free to watch real people practice playing fake people. Similar to watching Vanderbilt's offense pretend to be an SEC offense. Odds of Larry Smith throwing an interception for a touchdown at the theater off Charlotte: 450000 to 1. 

3. Backpacking Trip at Fall Creek Falls - beautiful day to be outside. Plus, the beauty of the day will not be completely and utterly destroyed by the unparalleled ineptitute and lack of effort of 18 - 22 year olds who go to school for free. Odds of a bad snap leading to a red zone turnover while on the hike: 7585801 to 1. 

4. Ken Burns' The War of Northern Aggression on PBS - my favorite Burns' documentary. Absolutely phenomenal. Not to ruin it, but the North wins. Had the South won, Jared Funk wouldn't have a chance to get plugged in at the worst possible time and start the turnover train rolling. Funk's from IL. Odds of Robbie Caldwell saying something ridiculous, but awesome, in the documentary: 2 to 1. 

DYNAMITE!

(Prop bet to keep in mind: Over/Under on number of fans at the Vanderbilt v. Wake Forest game if Vandy loses to UK and UT. I am completely serious in saying 10,000. Students are gone for Thanksgiving. Fan base will be totally demoralized. Caldwell should have already been fired, but probably won't be so that the next coaching staff can work from even more of a deficit in recruiting.) 

Randall Gene Moss became a Titan. Vandy basketball tipped off. Dai-Jon committed to Vandy. So, bet Vandy on the moneyline at plus 450. Good things always come in fours. Like King Size Reece's cups. And limbs. 

(N.B. Football posts don't get photos again until they win a game.)

Awesome. Basketball starts in less than 72 hours. 

O/U is 55(!). We are terrible at football, but not THAT terrible. Parlay the Commies with the points and the Under. Also, Tyler Bray is good at football. That's frustrating. 

Dynamite! (And thank God that we get to watch Commie basketball on Wednesday night). 

Festus Ezeli just turned 21. How did he celebrate? With a Stevie Thunder homemade cookie cake. By the way, if you aren't following SThunder on twitter, you're a failure. At life. His twitter feed will fix that for you. All you have to do is ask. Knock and the door will be opened @steveleandre.

True or False: Stevie Thunder should have a side business selling cookie cakes to Commodore fans. That's true. Can't you just see him and Fes with a multipage spread in a bridal magazine showing off cookie cakes shaped like anchors (of gold)? I'm picturing a chef hat on each. 

South Carolina is favored by 12. That's not enough. They should be more than a two touchdown favorite. They are only a 6.5 point favorite in the first half. That's dumb.

Consider the O/U. It's 46. It's going to be going over. 

Honestly, though, I wouldn't bet the Vandy game. Only thing you might touch is the moneyline with the Commies +370. 

Better bet would be for Bama to cover 17 and definitely cover 9.5 in the first half. 

DYNAMITE!

If you aren't following UU's twitter feet (@Umoh_), you should. Just trust me. 

Positive Omen of the Week: Got home from the office last night and what was waiting for me: two beautiful, delicious, tantilizing sets of Commies basketball season tickets. For the first time, I actually have the real season tickets with the pictures of cool stuff on them instead of the lame last minute printed ones. (This is on me. Apparently when you renew your tickets the first day possible you get the good stuff as opposed to renewing them at the last possible second. Also, works out better when you quit trying to upgrade your seats every year. Last year, I reached basketball ticket nirvana, so I'm holding on to them. For the rest of my life. I'm completely serious.)

The DAWGS are a 14.5 point favorite. +8 in the first half. Commies +500 on the moneyline. O/U is 48. 1st half O/U is 24. 

Assuming you aren't a marxist communist hater of life, liberty and apple pie, you're not going to bet against the Commies. Safest bet here: 1st half under (betting the under is always miserable, however. It presents the possibility of having to root against your team scoring points for purely personal reasons. Boo!) Likewise, Vandy with the first half points would be a reasonable backup position. We are good in the first half of games. 

SEC lock of the week: South Carolina giving only 5.5 against the C-A-T-S. Is it a let down game for the Cocks? Yes. Is putting your money behind S. Garcia a bit like trying to hit a trifecta? Absolutely. It's called gambling for a reason, jackass. 

Vandy is a 25 point favorite. Don't bet that. Under ANY circumstances. The O/U is 53. That a big number. Very big. Lest we forget that Vandy's offense is TERRIBLE. As a reminder, Kent is leading the country in... average number of punts per game. DYNAMITE!

So, what to do with your gambling urges this week? Lots of people would tell you to take UT plus the 11 against the Dawgs. Lots of people would forget that Richt has Jesus of Nazareth on his side and that betting on UT will suck your soul to a cold meaningless existence, dementor style. Also, the Dawgs will be playing for Richt's job and UT is set for a(nother) huge let down after the Baton Rouge festivities.

Auburn is giving 6.5 against Kentucky. Auburn will win that game by two touchdowns, at least. Put your money there, my friends. Put your money there.

On a happier note, basketball practice starts at the end of next week. Thank God. I can only live vicariously through the tweets of Stevie Thunder and Threesus for so long.

GO DORES!

Haven't looked at the line yet. Don't care what it is. Vandy is going to win this game by at least a touchdown. Assuming we aren't more than a 10 point favorite, bet on us. 

Why? Two words: Big East. We aren't losing to a Big East team. In football. Or basketball. (N.B. Go @#(*&$ yourself, 2007 Georgetown. That was, and always will be, a walk.)

More importantly, today's game time drink: Diet Mt. Dew and cheap Norwegian Vodka. Only because I couldn't find any Diet Mt. Lightning. 

Other important picks: LSU and the Over. Alabama and the Under. 

Game prediction: Commies with two 100 yard rushers. Larry has no turnovers. One VU defensive or special teams score. Krause blows up (hopefully in a metaphorically good way, not a literal, or metaphorically bad, way).

The cool comfort of losing a close game we should have won and then getting blown out by an SEC West foe w/ a filthmonster of a defense can now set in for the Commies. Let's be honest: the fairweather fans have already mailed it in on the boys in black and gold. (which reminds me, screw you, Kenny Chesney, for not including any Vandy footage in "The Boys of Fall." You'll take local high school footage, Indy Colts footage and random college footage and put it in there, but not a single image of the LOCAL SEC team? Really, that's how you're going to roll? Jackass.) 

So, if you're reading this site, you're either an ESL student in Taipei whose teacher graduated from Vandy in the last year or two and decided to live abroad before going to law school OR you're an actual Commodore fan. Either way, you're my friend (and I'll try and cut down on the more difficult idiomatic expressions.)

So, Vandy is a 12 point dog (6.5 first half) and the ML is a whopping +400. O/U 43.5. 

Safest bet is Vandy with that first half point spread. I say the Commies come out hot, particularly on defense. Wouldn't be suprised to see an explosive play or two on offense/special teams as well. 

And if you love gambling, God and apple pie you're going to have to touch that money line. It's just too delicious not to. 

P.S. I find a quiet joy in the fact that we are going to be running a "simplified offense" using far fewer plays. Vanderbilt had two heisman trophy winners and back to back national championships using such an offensive strategy. On NCAA '04. When I was in college. 

Louisiana State is an 11 point favorite and the O/U is 45. 

Vandy with the points and the over. I think (hope) the offense lights things up.  I say go over even if you are taking Vandy on the moneyline (+360). Just have a feeling that lots of points are going to be scored. Unless it starts raining. In which case definitely take Vandy with the points and the under. 

Also, thanks for the letter of apology, Big Ten. We'll be sure to keep that in mind when it's our turn to beat Ohio State in a bowl game. 

Please have the common courtesy to buy us a drink and ask us to dance before #($@&(@$ us. 

Sincerely, 

Commodore Nation

You took Sned v. the field in the US Open. You bet on that horse with the nautical name in your preakness trifecta. You talked yourself into getting down HEAVILY on Cameroon because of two words: Stevie Thunder. You know more about Rayeev Ram than you do about your significant other. Why? Because he's Bobby Reynolds doubles partner and lets just say that whole parlaying Cameroon with the over didn't go exactly as planned making you VERY interested in 1st round US Open Doubles action.

But tonight, that all changes. Tonight, it's morning in commodore nation. Tonight, Coach Caldwell, guide and teacher of our collective hearts, starts his long March to the SEC Championship. 

Commies are a 3 point underdog. O/U 41.5. Moneyline payout at 140. 

Moneyline is a no brainer. (No way Vandy loses, but by less than three.) So, the question is do you parlay the moneyline with an O/U. I say take the under if you're going to do anything (this is contrary to my betting maxim of never betting the under b/c it is zero percent fun to root against scoring in a game. But if you gotta have some parlay action, this is the best bet. Vandy isn't winning in a shoot out.)

And enjoy the deliciousness of Caldwell's post game tweets. 

Vandy by 1 for 1st half. 1.5 for game. O/U 141. 

Vandy and the over. We're going to pick up where we left off in the last five minutes of the UGA game last night. Watch for Threesus to keep the party going. 

As an aside, I was undecided as to who to pull for in the first game. Until the game started, and I realized cheering for Tennessee would necessitate hoping that Brian Williams does well. And Bruce Pearl has success. Screw that. (I say this even though personally it would be much better for Tennessee to win because there would then be a huge influx of championship game tickets on the market. If UK is in the game, no chance of that.)

Dynamite. 

Build the bank for the weekend fun: 

UK a 9 point favorite. 

UT a 1.5 point favorite. 

Having gone to the games last night and working in downtown Cashville, I can tell you that this is a home game for Kentucky. They'll cover. I think UTK drops a Cleveland Steamer this afternoon. Bonus fun: UTK loses, lots of tickets are going to suddenly be on the market for the weekend. UTK definately has the second most fans here after the C-A-T-S. 

Two fun UK sighting in the past 12 hours: 1) Big (as in obese, not as in dedicated) drunk UK fan (rocking a Mercer era t-shirt) getting arrested by two cops next to the Ryman while repeatedly yelling "Hang on, I'm getting in the car. It's not a problem, I'm getting in." (He was decidedly not getting in the car). 2) Half a dozen Kentucky fans wandering around downtown before 8 o'clock this morning. You know where nothing is happening at 8 in the morning? Downtown Nashville. 

Take the C-A-T-S and the Rebels on a parlay. 

6 point first half favorite. 10.5 for the game. 

Best bet of those two is the first half line. Load up on that and then enjoy Dolla getting it done in the second half. 

Prop bets to consider:

Beal minutes played o/u 35

Beal points scored o/u 25

Meriweather minutes played o/u 3

Meriweather points scored o/u 1.5

Under on Beal minutes, over on Beal points, over on Meriweather minutes, over on Meriweather points. (True Story: Meriweather has applied to VULS and if he gets in is going to try and knock out that last year of eligibility while in his first year of law school.) 

Dynamite. 

Upside of being a good team playing another good team: all sorts of wagers offered by the books: 

First Half: Florida favored by 1.5 O/U 69

Full Game: Florida favored by 3 O/U 147.5

Moneyline payout for a Commie win: 135

Safest bet: Over in the 1st half. Florida will come out hot. Vandy won't back down.

Don't be stupid bet: Don't take Vandy and the points. If you think they are going to win or lose by three or less, take them on the money line. Vandy won't lose by three or less if they lose. If they lose, they're going to lose big. 

Dynamite.

-1 First half. -2 for the game. Sure Stallings has never won in Fayetville. Today is the day the teddy bears have their bar-b-q picnic. Don't bet the first half line, however. Vandy is way too wacked out on goofballs in the first half of games to do that. Instead, since you already took the C-A-T-S giving only 2.5 in Knoxville (unreal. UK wins that game by double digits, easy), parlay it with Vandy for the game. Easy money. 

NCAA Tournament to win odds for your consideration: 

Commies are a 100 to 1

C-A-T-S are 3 to 1

UTK is 100 to 1

Duke is 14 to 1

Brandt Snedeker is an 80 to 1 to win the Masters. If you're Brandt, don't you bet on yourself in this situation? 100 bucks wins you an extra eight grand. 

Also, Lewis Hamilton is a 4 to 1 to win the Drivers Championship. AoG: A full service gambling related blog. 

Dynamite. 

Commies are a 6.5 point favorite in the first half. 11.5 for the game. What's my recommendation? Screw Vegas or the book of your choice. Find a UGA fan and spot them 20 and bet everything you own or will own.  Take the over on an O/U of 100 for Vanderbilt alone. Quit pussyfooting around and make a bet that shows just how confident you are. 

I'm predicting a blowout, a beatdown, a manifestation of pure hate, anger and rage in the form of the Commodores crossing the century mark the first time this season. Jenkins is going to blow it up for 20+. AJ's having a double double. Noll will score. Bank on it. Book it. Take out student loans to make these bets. Give blood. Give a kidney. Do what it takes to win. 

Dynamite.

Well, sports fans, its a pick'em all the way around. Fascinating on so many levels. It's not like there is a huge Vanderbilt base of fans that is driving this line down (like for the J-E-T-S, for example). 

If you are going to bet with a book for the game, bet that first half line so you can sit back, relax, and enjoy the second half. Also, in case of calamity, you can double up on the second half line to make your money back. Besides, if you're going to bet the whole game, bet it with a UK fan. (Make it clear that you are betting in dollars only, not UK currency such as packs of Winstons or mounted catamounts with basketballs). One, no juice on the bet. Two, you can hedge the bet by having an agreement that in the vent of a UK victory you get to wait to pay for 18 months to verify that the NCAA has not vacated the win for the C-A-T-S. 

Proposition bets to consider: 

O/U Technical fouls on Cal/Cousins: 0.5

O/U JoJen building erupting three balls: 1.5

O/U Ashley Judd inteviews: 0.5

O/U Inappropriate signs referencing Erin Andrews: 0.5

O/U individuals wearing ten to fifteen year old C-A-T-S gear sighted in MemGym: 350

Vandy fans.... does anyone hate them as much as I do? 

I especially enjoyed this response: 

"They could stock an entire pretentiousness hall of fame w/ Vandy alums."

Obviously, this guy has no experience with the pretension of small liberal arts school grads. Vandy alumni wouldn't even be let in the door (dore?) of the Pretension Hall of Fame. (Who would call it a "Pretensiousness Hall of Fame"? Strunk and White say: Use the shortest, simplest word.)

The response to the new poll has been a relatively resounding "no" as to if tomorrow represents the biggest game in Mem Gym regular season history. So, what is the biggest regular season game in Commie history? This one? If so, I'd argue that this one is a bigger deal because it is later in the season and could position the Commies to win the regular season championship. Also, we look back at that Kentucky game as big only because the Commies won.

http://vucommodores.cstv.com/genrel/021910aaa.html

If this means no Commodore update every morning at 6:55, my morning routine is shot. Seriously. 

UPDATE: Apparently, we can thank the Titans for the move. Vandy saw the handwriting on the wall that it would be pre-empted by the Titans on a regular basis. 

Commodores are a 3.5 point underdog for the game, 2 for the first half. I'd stay away from the first half line. Possible for Ole Miss to come out swinging (big resume builder game for them) and less likely that we will have their bigs in sufficient foul trouble/get to the line a ridiculous number of times in the first half. The temptation is to bet the money line for a nice payoff. I'd stay away from that too. Frankly, I'd stay away from this game all together. It's going to be enough fun to watch as is, given the implications for the Commies, the Rebels and for making the UKopalypse at 5 PM CDT Saturday that much more important. If your're going to pull the trigger, pull on the Commies plus the 3.5. 

Dynamite. 

Vandy is a 9 point favorite... in the first half. 16.5 point favorite for the game. Don't even consider betting either one. We start out slow, you lose. We mail it in the last ten minutes of the game, you lose. The Auburn showing last week has taught us that the SEC West brings poop with it to games. Option to consider: check the second half line during halftime. I'll post a suggestion on it from courtside. 

If you absolutely HAVE to get down on this game, which I can fully appreciate and understand, take a look at the over unders: first half 64; full game 137.5. The first half would be the one to consider. If you're going to do that, you are betting on Vandy coming out red hot. You're going to need to believe that the Commies will score AT LEAST 45 in the opening half. That's a lot of points, but hey, maybe you're a believer. Incidentally, if you're going to do that, parlay it with Vandy to cover that 9 point spread. 

All of this comes with the caveat that this is a classic terrible game to bet on because there is no way to know which Vandy team shows up. If it's our friends from the Auburn game, yikes. If it's our friends from the UT game, yikes. 

Here's another Commie related bet you can place today: there's a prop bet on the Pebble Beach pro-am picking between Brandt Snedeker and Matt Kuchar (Payout on Sned slightly higher). Pick Brant. Triple threat that with the Commies and the first half line for a nice payday. Dynamite. 

This midweek's man crush of the game award winner is not a single player. That would be too formulaic. Instead, it is something so deliciously homoerotic that it cannot be passed up: the Commies Man to Man defense. Throughout the season, KStall has teased us with a 2-3 zone that has been very effective at times. But we've all known that it was just a tease and that his heart was really still all about the man to man. Wednesday we saw the Commies get down and dirty in man to man. In sum, we were on the Vols like a wet t-shirt. (My dad used this analogy for man to man defense when I was playing basketball at the age of approximately 8 or so. Thanks dad!) Best defensive game of the year so far. And who better to pull it out against?

As an aside, I have a query for the faithful: KStall referenced a "drive option" offensive tweak that he put into effect against UTK which he claimed as one of the keys to the offensive success in that game. There were allusions to this being some sort of Roy Williams Club secret voodoo. BBook said he had no idea what it was on the Zone this morning. Any ideas on the secret recipe? 

Brilliant, per usual.

Commies are a 3.5 point favorite for the game, 2 point favorite in the first half. Under no circumstances should you bet this game with a book. The wise thing to do, as always with a Vandy rival matchup when Vandy is the favorite, find a UT fan who can bet with something other than cigarettes and bet them straight up. They will absolutely want to do this. If you're lucky, you'll be able to convince them to give you points.

Why is this the wise thing to do? Easy: if you take Vandy to cover and the game is close at the end, you are not going to be able to enjoy a ridiculous win the way you otherwise would. Likewise, you may be pulling for Andre to take a pull up three with five seconds left instead of driving to the basket for a filthy dunk. Bad karma. Very very bad karma.

Prop bet to consider: number of people wearing orange in Sections 1L and 1F (this excludes the first row in 1F as that is reserved for boosters, etc. of the visiting team): 7.5.

Final note/prediction: Jeff Taylor blows it up tonight. Dynamite.

Commies are a 4.5 point favorite on the game, 2.5 for the first half. Take the Commies covering the 4.5. If the game is close at the end, UGA will be fouling and Vandy will sink the free throws. That first half line is tempting, but I don't like getting down on the Commies on the road on a first half line like that. 

Delicious parlay option: Commies and South Carolina getting 9.5(!) in Knoxville. Dynamite!