SBNation.com User Blog: WEDGEBREAKER

The War...2013

WEDGEBREAKER — Sun, 12 May 2013 01:13:53 -0000

A Speculative Analysis: Cowboy Football Players Have Huge Balls.

WEDGEBREAKER — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 22:48:23 -0000

LARAMIE, WY

After three games of the college football season, it has become apparent that the Pokes seem to have something slowing them down and affecting their ability to play the game of football. Many fans and outside spectators have observed a noticeable difference in the speed and agility of the Wyoming players compared to their first three opponents. "They look kinda slow" said one Lander, WY native, "like they're carryin some extra weight." According to another Wyoming Cowboy fan at Saturdays game at War Memorial Stadium against Boise State, the Pokes "look like their thinkin with their balls out there!"

It's no secret that Wyoming has played a very tough schedule so far with another challenge coming up this week against the Air Force Academy. Playing a tough schedule like that, in many cases, has led to enlarged testicles. In the case of the Wyoming Cowboys, while there has been measurable growth, the overall change in testicle size has been significant but not staggering because of the very large size of the Cowboys' testicles before the start of the season. "We've always had big balls" said a former Cowboy player, "and sometimes they get in the way." Many studies have shown that oversized testicles can not only hinder a players' speed and agility, but they also have an effect on the intuition of the player. In certain situations, a player with oversized testicles tends to let go of personal protection for the team. This case was on display in Austin, TX when Wyoming quarterback, Austyn Carta-Samuels put his personal protection on the line in the first quarter by taking on a Texas Defensive back with his head to gain a first down. In this instance, ACS's efforts were not rewarded because the home-town official gave the Pokes a home-town spot because said official has undersized testicles.

As the statistics and the scoreboard have not been particularly kind to the Pokes, the Wyoming football team can be proud of one very important statistic: The size of their balls. If Wyoming continues to challenge the best, they will eventually BEAT the best. Because they have HUGE balls. Let 'er Buck!

via i889.photobucket.com

LARAMIE, WY

Longhorns Show Class in Austin, But TOTALLY Screw the Pokes' Rhythm In Half-Hearted "Cowboy Joe" Song

WEDGEBREAKER — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 05:22:40 -0000

Above and beyond all, I give the warmest regards to the family, friends, teammates, and coaches of Ruben Narcisse. And with all kidding aside, the Texas football community showed great class and respect for the Wyoming Cowboys in our time of great loss.

But...Mack, Seriously? You are a master of home-field advantage. You gave our fans in the stadium a glimmer of hope and confidence by starting our beloved song in your own stadium. We loved it! It was a little off-key and kind of stale compared to Western Thunder's version, but we loved it! Until the classic repeat. Just when the Brown-and-Gold faithful switched to the routine "C-O-W-B....." the Texas band immediately started "Cowboy Joe" from the top. At that moment, Cowboy fans in Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium (longest stadium name ever) became confused and disoriented. Almost as if the Texas hotties they were partying with in the bars before the game slipped them a mickey. They were displayed on the big screen as they looked at each-other in confusion. The 100k+ Longhorn fans saw this and immediately sensed a weakness. "Look at them!" they said. "They don't even know their own fight song!"

Dirty trick Mack. Dirty, dirty trick.

But the dirtiest trick of all was dousing your RB's and WR's in KY jelly.

Dirty trick Mack. Dirty, dirty trick.

But the dirtiest trick of all was dousing your RB's and WR's in KY jelly.