YOU GUYS JUST THINK THAT WE WILL GET DOWN THERE AND LET YOU WALK ALL OVER US LIKE VICTORIA'S SECRET FASHION SHOW ANGELS. NUH UH THAT AIN'T HOW IT WORKS. YOU CAN SAY WHUTEVER THE HELL YOU WANT ABOUT OUR COACHING STAFF AND THE FACT THAT WE CAN'T BOX OUT OUR WAY OUT A MEN'S ROOM, BUT WHERE'S GONNA BE YOUR ANSWER TO OUR HYPERBOLE CAPE? TIMMEH WILL NOT BE THAT EFFECTIVE BECAUSE HE WILL BE EXHAUSTED AFTER CHASING SAMARDO SAMUELS AND LUKE HARANGODY. AND ON DEFENSE, ANTHONY PARKER NEEDS TO DOMINATE TONY PARKER...AND HE WILL. MANU GINOBLI WILL BE COMPLETELY BAFFLED BY THE HOT SHOOTING OF MANNY HARRIS AND THE REST OF THE SPURS BENCH WILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO WITH DONALD SLOAN. THE ONLY SPUR I'M TRULY WORRIED ABOUT IS DEJUAN BLAIR BECAUSE HE IS THE REFS' BEST FRIEND.

WELL WE SHALL SEE TOMORROW. BUT DUNT YOU DARE LOOK DOWN ON MY CAVS. THEY WILL BE READY AND YOU KNOW IT. REMEMBER, NO EXCUSES. AND THEY DON'T WANT OR NEED SYMPATHY EITHER.

LET'S GO CAVS

LET'S

GO

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVS

Hey, be sure to check out chapters one and two my story if you don't know what's going on. This is the last chapter, and I have had a lot of fun doing this. I spent quite a few days on this because I could only write a little bit at a time. But this way, I was still able to reserve enough time to study. I assure you guys, this didn't affect my normal schedule in any way. Thank you to everyone who read this, and thanks for all the support, comments, and recs. Hope you like the ending!

Like a phantasm, CreatureOfTheNight floated silently through the forest, gripping Cup Noodles' body like a rabbit in a lion's mouth. She carried him back to the altar from which she rose out of, and set Cup Noodles on his back on the surface of the dome. She snapped her fingers, and instantly I3oh and crushmybones appeared at her side, bowing to her on one knee.

CreatureOfTheNight: Let us begin...restrain him...

I3oh gathered some thorny vines growing from the side of the dome, and tied them to each of Cup Noodles wrists. The thorns were pricking her skin, but she did not even flinch. Her senses had been completely dulled. Meanwhile, crushmybones picked up some heavy stones, and arranged them in a pattern around the altar. CreatureOfTheNight took a stick and traced runes in the dirt. Once all the stones were in place, the runes began to glow. This caused Cup Noodles to awaken.

CreatureOfTheNight: Servants...a night that has been postponed for far too long...is finally upon us...tonight, the stars are aligned, the cryptic runes have been written, and the ceremony is in motion...the Holy Sacrifice is all that remains...

Cup Noodles: What do you mean, Holy Sacrifice? Why me?

CreatureOfTheNight continued as if he hadn't even spoke.

CreatureOfTheNight: We shall offer this young male nearing manhood to the Underworld...and our Queen...will rise again...

Cup Noodles: I hate it when this happens.

But nobody knew that from a far distance, lakergirl, tiger child, shaqfor3, gen!e, LakerAce, and rs850_Lakers were tiptoeing towards the ceremony grounds, staying as silent as possible and whispering.

shaqfor3: What are we going to do? If we go in there without a plan, they might react before we do and use Cup Noodles as a hostage.

rs850_Lakers: We'll need to use the element of surprise. Hit them before they have a chance to react.

LakerAce: It comes down to what's the last thing they would expect us to do.

Oblivious, I3oh and crushmybones paced around the dome, looking at Cup Noodles. He tried to move his arms, but he only cried out in pain as the thorns dug into his skin. He looked at his friends desperately.

crushmybones: Struggle all you want, little virgin...it will only help your life force ebb away to the thorns...  

Cup Noodles: You guys...why? Why are you siding with her?

I3oh: With your death, you shall help usher in a golden, everlasting age...our clan shall control this land forever...you should feel honored...

The runes were glowing brighter. The earth began to quake. CreatureOfTheNight began chanting an incantation.

Cup Noodles: NO! HELP ME! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This sent shivers down everyones' spines.

LakerAce: We're out of time! We have to act now!

tiger child: We'll rush in at the same time! Aim for the dome, we have to protect Cup Noodles at all costs!

gen!e: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

Everyone yelled and ran through the trees. They poured onto the grounds, stopping the ceremony. lakergirl jumped in the air and delivered a flying kick right at CreatureOfTheNight's stomach, sending her stumbling backwards. gen!e and rs850_Lakers dove at I3oh's legs, knocking her over, while LakerAce and shaqfor3 grabbed crushmybones' arms and pulled her away from the altar. tiger child jumped onto the dome, pulled out a scalpel, and slashed the vines, freeing Cup Noodles. He eagerly got away and stomped on the runes.

Cup Noodles: Everyone! You came for me!

tiger child: Of course we did, buddy. You didn't think we'd let you die, did you?

But CreatureOfTheNight, reacting quickly, snuck up from behind and wrapped one of her arms around tiger child's chest.

lakergirl: TIGER CHILD!

lakergirl advanced towards them, but with her other arm, CreatureOfTheNight placed her claws on tiger child's neck.

CreatureOfTheNight: FREEZE...

Everyone stopped in their tracks. lakergirl's eys were glazed with fury.

CreatureOfTheNight: That's better...

CreatureOfTheNight looked at I3oh and crushmybones, and then at lakergirl.

CreatureOfTheNight: Ladies...turn that pestering rat into a nice little mouse...if any of you resist at all, I will cut your friend's throat...

lakergirl: You coward...it's not enough that you're already using our own friends against us.

lakergirl's fists shook uncontrollably.

CreatureOfTheNight: Relax...soon, you shall learn to love me too...

Everyone watched helplessly as I3oh and crushmybones surrounded lakergirl, their hands running through her shoulders and hair.

I3oh: lakergirl...

crushmybones: Come join us, lakergirl...

I3oh: It's so much fun...

But before they could hypnotize lakergirl, a loud smack rang out in the silence, followed by a scream from CreatureOfTheNight. She let go of tiger child and clutched the back of her head. tiger child used the opportunity to shove CreatureOfTheNight and get away. Standing behind both of them, tossing a rock to himself, was firstto100.

firstto100: Now that's what I call...a BYNUM SMASH.

LakerAce: FIRSTTO100! Just in the nick of time, buddy!

gen!e: You can say that again. You saved our lives!

firstto100: Cup Noodles, tiger child, thank goodness you're all right. Everyone, I brought the portal with me. It's just a few yards away. I was going to bring it closer, but I could hear what was going on in the distance, and I had to move more quickly.

lakergirl: Does it work?

firstto100: Yeah. I've got it up and running.

tiger child: We can win now!

CreatureOfTheNight stood back upright, and screeched horribly.

CreatureOfTheNight: This cannot be happening...I cannot lose...

She gestured at I3oh and crushmybones.

CreatureOfTheNight: Get them...Do whatever you wish with them...But leave her...That wench is MINE...

I3oh and crushmybones ran at firstto100, fists flying. Cup Noodles jumped on crushmybones to stop her and trip I3oh, while everyone except lakergirl ran into to join the brawl.

lakergirl and CreatureOfTheNight stared each other down, hatred on both of their faces.

CreatureOfTheNight: How dare you disturb our ceremony...you shall pay with your life...

lakergirl: You have no honor. You make us fight our friends because you know we cannot harm them.

CreatureOfTheNight: I will not be defeated by mere humans...

CreatureOfTheNight kicked lakergirl in the shins, then threw her down. She sat on top of lakergirl and pinned her arms to the ground, her face inches away from lakergirl's. 

CreatureOfTheNight: First, I shall torture you...then, I shall enervate you...you'll be my plaything...

lakergirl: NEVER!

She headbutted CreatureOfTheNight in the cranium, then bucked and rolled over, freeing herself. In the process, , her cellphone fell out of her pocket and flipped open. On her main wallpaper was a picture of Brian Shaw with Rick Fox. As soon as CreatureOfTheNight saw the photo, she froze.

lakergirl did not have to look twice to know what was going on.

lakergirl: It is the power of Shaw...that compells you.

She picked up her phone and pointed the screen right at CreatureOfTheNight. Everyone stopped fighting and gathered behind her. CreatureOfTheNight cowered in fear.

lakergirl: The power of Shaw compells you! The power of Shaw compells you! Everyone, help me!

CreatureOfTheNight: You wouldn't dare...

tiger child: The power of Shaw compells you!

rs850_Lakers: The power of Shaw compells you!

LakerAce: The power of Shaw compells you!

CreatureOfTheNight: Be silent...

shaqfor3: The power of Shaw compells you!

Cup Noodles: The power of Shaw compells you!

CreatureOfTheNight: Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP...

gen!e: The power of Shaw compells you!

firstto100: The power of Shaw compells you!

CreatureOfTheNight: THE DEVIL TAKE YOU ALL...

Everyone: THE POWER OF SHAW COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF SHAW COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF SHAW COMPELLS YOU!

CreatureOfTheNight covered her face with her hands and curled up into a ball, shivering and sobbing.

lakergirl: She's weakening! firstto100, is the dimensional portal ready?

firstto100: I've got the coordinates set. The only problem is that I have no idea what time frame or location this

portal will lead to.

shaqfor3: Hopefully somewhere in which she'll never be able to harm anyone again!

tiger child: What are we waiting for? Everyone, grab a hold of her!

lakergirl, firstto100, tiger child, and Cup Noodles eached grabbed one of her limbs. rs850_Lakers, gen!e, LakerAce, and shaqfor3 held I3oh and crushmybones back.

lakergirl: Time to send ol' AttentionWhoreOfTheNight on a one way ride to Dimension Whatever!

They ran at the portal, a rippling mirror surrounded by circuits and wires. After a two swings, they let go, sending CreatureOfTheNight sailing into the fissure and disappearing forever.

Cup Noodles: Smell ya later! NOT!

Instantly, I3oh and crushmybones fell to the ground, groaning. I3oh clutched her chest while crushmybones rubbed her forehead.

I3oh: Where am I?

crushmybones: What's going on?

gen!e: It worked! CreatureOfTheNight's enchantment can't reach across another dimension! Her spell is broken!

firstto100: Are you guys all right?

I3oh: Everyone, what have I done?

crushmybones: Tell me this was just a bad dream...isn't it?

tiger child: What you did, you did under CreatureOfTheNight's influence.

rs850_Lakers: It's all right. We're all safe, everything's back to normal. There's nothing to worry about anymore.

LakerAce: Let's all go home.

Cup Noodles: I tell you, home never sounded so good.

As for CreatureOfTheNight, she fell through a starry expanse for what seemed like an eternity, before finally landing in a chair in front of a desk in the middle of a classroom. Sitting right next to her at an adjacent desk...was her worst nightmare.

WaveOcean: Hey! You made it. You're just in time. I was starting to wonder about you.

He was quite cheery, but CreatureOfTheNight was not.

CreatureOfTheNight: In time for what...

At this, WaveOcean stared at her as though she were insane. He raised his eyebrows.

WaveOcean: Uh, you're joking, right? The exam?

CreatureOfTheNight's jaw dropped.

CreatureOfTheNight: The exam...on what...

WaveOcean covered his mouth, trying not to laugh.

WaveOcean: Um, analyticity, harmonic functions, and complex line integration? Remember?

CreatureOfTheNight: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Cut back to the campfire)

Marty Mart: So let me guess what happened after that. She flunked it?

California Waves: No. Way worse.

Vmuse: She was caught cheating?

California Waves: Naw. Basically, not only did she get every problem wrong on the exam, but the university

sentenced her to one year of academic probation. She has to get her GPA above 2.0 within two semesters.

Marty Mart: Or else she gets expelled?

California Waves: Yep.

Jelly Bean: Doesn't that shit only happen in the UK?

California Waves: No, sweetie. You're thinking of Wikipedia's definition.

Jelly Bean: Ah.

California Waves: Also, she has to spend several hours a day in the tutoring center every day. WaveOcean has told me she is the worst student he's ever worked with. She can't do basic arithmetic with fractions, she can't factor polynomials, she's terrible with right triangles, she's embarrassing on exponents, and she doesn't know how to use a TI-83 Plus graphing calculator. He had to teach her how to graph her own functions.

Jelly Bean: (whistles loudly)

Marty Mart: Damn! That's bad.

Vmuse: I'm not one to brag or anything...

Marty Mart: Yeah you are.

Vmuse: (Bursts out laughing) Yeah, I am. But I could do better!

Marty Mart: We all could.

Jelly Bean: All in all, serves her right. It couldn't have happened to more of a witch.

SoCalGal stood up, picked up her bucket of water, and poured it on the campfire.

SoCalGal: I declare this meeting of the Midnight Society closed. Happy Halloween, everyone.

And they all lived happily ever after...OR DO THEY?

(Cut to some dimly lit cubicle)

Koshu: Can you believe it, guys? The writer left us out of the Halloween story!

cldpc: Are you sure the land phone is working? (2NASHTY picks it up)

imposibol: Hang up! (2NASHTY quickly slams down the phone) He could be trying to call us right now!

Ben R: I knew we should have sent him a muffin basket!

(Phone rings, bluexfalcon answers it)

bluexfalcon: Silver Screen and Roll, this is bluexfalcon. Yes..just a second. (Puts hand over mouthpiece) Do we

want to do a commercial for something called "The El Paso Patriots"?

bernel: (shrugs) Ehh, work is work.

THE END

This is the second part of an ongoing story. Read part 1 if you have not done so already.

gen!e leaned against a streetlight in a busy street. He arranged to meet with shaqfor3 here, not wanting the two of them to be alone, afraid for both of their lives. He glanced at his watch, tapping his foot nervously. Finally, he heard footstepts and saw a shadow approaching.

shaqfor3: I came here as soon as I could. What's going on?

gen!e: We've got a major crisis situation. The enrapturing fiend herself, CreatureOfTheNight, has returned! And if my worst fears are true, she's probably captured I3oh! We've got to do something!

shaqfor3: I know just what to do. We've got to talk to firstto100. If anyone knows how to deal with dastardly djinns, it's him.

Meanwhile, in a research labratory not too far away, two other people were fretting over what was happening around them.

tiger child: I'm getting worried. gen!e and I3oh have been gone way too long.

lakergirl: Shoot! I feel like I should have told gen!e about CreatureOfTheNight instead of making up a story about and experiment the two of us were working on.

tiger child: It's not a big deal. I3oh knows exactly what needs to be done. What I'm concerned about now is how we can make contact with them.

At that moment, a banging sound on the door rang out. tiger child opened the door, and in burst two people, one covered in dirt.

LakerAce: Thank god you guys are here. Something terrible has happened to crushmybones.

lakergirl: What? What is going on?

rs850_Lakers: We were separated from her over half an hour ago.

tiger child: What do you mean, separated?

LakerAce: crushmybones and I went out into the night to investigate the small earthquake that occured about an hour ago. There was a green glow of light somewhere in the woods, and we headed in the general direction of it. But along the way, the ground opened up underneath us, and swallowed me all the way up to my neck. I couldn't move at all. At the same time, I saw I3oh leap out of a tree and tackle crushmybones. There was something dreadfully wrong with I3oh. I'd never seen her so pale, and so...inhumane.

(FLASHBACK)

I3oh: My mistress has prepared a very special game...And I want you to be my playmate...

crushmybones: I3oh, what in God's name has come over you!?

I3oh: We're together now, you and me...You shall serve my mistress alongside me...

crushmybones: Someone's controlling you! You've been turned against me!

I3oh: No crushmybones, I don't want us to be against each other...From now on, you and I are going to be best friends forever...

Then I3oh opened her mouth, and blew out a green haze that shrouded crushmybones' entire face.  In a matter of seconds, all the color left crushmybones' cheeks, and her eyelids drooped, staring at I3oh with a blank smile.

(END FLASHBACK)

LakerAce: Then she stood back up on her feet, but the crushmybones I knew was no more. Her face was devoid of all feelings. She and I3oh then giggled to each other, and spoke of how superior CreatureOfTheNight and her followers were.

lakergirl: Did you say CreatureOfTheNight?

LakerAce: Do you know who that is?

lakergirl: Yes. I will explain. But finish your story first.

LakerAce: Well, they also spoke about a holy sacrifice they were going to make, and then left me to rot. Had rs850_Lakers not gone out herself to investigate and found me and got me out, I'd probably still be there, struggling to get out of the compact earth.

lakergirl: If I3oh and crushmybones are indeed as you say, I'm afraid this is a very dire situation indeed. We are dealing with a very dangerous foe, by the name of CreatureOfTheNight.

rs850_Lakers: Who's that?

lakergirl: She is a demon from the past, who seeks to engulf the entire Laker fanbase. Our forces have supressed her time and again, but every Halloween, she rises from the Underworld once again.

tiger child: She has the power to transform any human into her own minion. I am certain that is what she has done  to I3oh and crushmybones.

LakerAce: This is terrible! We have to help them! But how?

firstto100: Perhaps I can be of some assistance.

Everyone's heads turned to see firstto100 standing in the doorway. Behind him were gen!e and shaqfor3.

rs580_Lakers: firstto100! genie! shaqfor3!

lakergirl: gen!e! Thank goodness you're all right!

shaqfor3: Yeah...but we can't say the same for I3oh.

tiger child: We know. LakerAce just filled us in.

firstto100: And our troubles aren't over yet guys. We need to work quickly. But I might have a solution. Lately, I've been working with my fellow scientists lakergirl and tiger child on a dimensional portal capable of transporting anyone to an alternate time period. Our hypothesis is that if we send CreatureOfTheNight through this portal, her magic can no longer reach us, and I3oh and crushmybones will be released from her grasp.

tiger child: There's just one problem...we've never really tested it.

lakergirl: But we don't have the time anyway. This "holy sacrifice" that LakerAce spoke of? There are others like  CreatureOfTheNight, salivating to torment SSR. And there is a diabolical Queen that reigns over them. To resurrect the Queen, CreatureOfTheNight will conduct an evil ceremony.

LakerAce: I bet that's why she attacked I3oh and crushmybones...so that they would assist her.

lakergirl: To make the ceremony complete, they must offer up a teenage boy as a sacrifice.

rs850_Lakers: Who would they target?

The room fell silent, and then the answer hit everyone like a horrible electrical shock.

Everyone: CUP NOODLES!

At that moment, Cup Noodles was in grave trouble. His home had been broken into by two people who were staring at him with a hungry, threatening look on their faces.

Cup Noodles: What's going on here? I3oh? crushmybones? What are you doing here? And why are you looking at me like that?

I3oh: Oh ho ho ho ho...silly, silly boy. Whatever are you doing wandering around, all alone...

crushmybones: Eee hee hee hee...we have found you, young virgin...

This frightened Cup Noodles even further. He started staggering backwards.

Cup Noodles: Uh, guys? What's going on? What are you saying?

I3oh: You shall come with us...you shall complete the ceremony...you shall revive our Queen...

crushmybones: We will have you...it is useless to resist...let yourself be snared and make it easier for all of us...

Cup Noodles turned and ran, but crushmybones was faster. She grabbed Cup Noodles by his neck and exhaled her devilish green haze.

I3oh: When we offer the virgin to our Holy Queen...

crushmybones: This land shall be stricken with eternal chaos and despair...

 As soon as Cup Noodles breathed in the evil gas, he fell to the ground, unconscious. Then, CreatureOfTheNight materialized before the three of them.

I3oh: He is all yours, my mistress...

CreatureOfTheNight: Well done, my servants...the plan is in motion...our rites will succeed, and there will be no one who can stop us...now, go and finish what you started...take care of the others...

crushmybones: Yes, my lady...I live only to serve you and to satisfy your every whim...

CreatureOfTheNight: And so you shall...now, go...

Back in the lab...

shaqfor3: This is serious! We've got to find him before they do!

tiger child: But shaqfor3, what can we do? We have no idea where this ceremony will take place.

firstto100: That's right. For all we know, they might have gotten him already.

I3oh: How right you are...

LakerAce's heart sank. He knew that voice. The door burst open, and in walked I3oh and crushmybones. They folded their arms, staring at their friends as if they didn't even know them.

LakerAce: I3oh! crushmybones!

lakergirl: Careful, LakerAce! Remember, they're not themselves anymore!

crushmybones: Indeed, you are all too late...The foolish boy is already in the clutches of our beautiful Lady CreatureOfTheNight...

I3oh: Our destiny shall be fulfilled...

crushmybones: And now...you shall join us...

firstto100: Damn it. I never thought I'd have to fight you like this, but I guess I have no choice!

With a pained cry, he lunged at crushmybones, trying to grab her arms and pin her to the ground. I3oh responded by grabbing his hair, trying to pull him off. He screamed from the pain.

rs850_Lakers: Come on guys! We gotta help! We can't let them beat us!

A tremendous struggle ensued. gen!e and shaqfor3 grabbed I3oh's arms and pried her fingers loose from firstto100's hair. crushmybones bucked her hips and kicked firstto100 away. lakergirl and tiger child grabbed crushymbones' feet, while rs850_Lakers took hold of her arms. I3oh pulled back her fist with the intent of punching gen!e in the face, but LakerAce grabbed her wrist before she could. shaqfor3 grabbed her other arm. gen!e took hold of her shoulders.

gen!e: Come on, I3oh! Don't you recognize me? It's me, gen!e!

shaqfor3: Yes! We're your friends!

I3oh merely looked up at the ceiling and cackled.

I3oh: Those who do not love my beautiful Lady CreatureOfTheNight...are my enemies...

LakerAce: It's no use. We can't reach them at all.

lakergirl: Well, we can at least drive them off!

firsto100 swept I3oh's feet and took hold of them. The whole team then carried the two women out of the lab and threw them onto the ground outside.

I3oh: It appears we are outnumbered...

crushmybones: Perhaps...but never outclassed..

I3oh: Let us go...they can do nothing to stop our sacred rites...

And with that, the two stood up and started gliding away.

tiger child: We have to go after them.

lakergirl: Agreed. It may be our only chance. They might lead us to the ceremony.

shaqfor3: We'll have to follow them at a distance.

firstto100: I must stay behind. One of us has to be ready with the dimensional portal. It is our only hope of foiling CreatureOfTheNight once and for all.

rs850_Lakers: Let's hurry. We don't have much time!

Indeed, even as she spoke, CreatureOfTheNight was gliding through the forest, an unconscious Cup Noodles cradled in her arms.

Our heroes have successfully fought back CreatureOfTheNight's forces. But now it is only a matter of time before her wicked ceremony begins. Will Cup Noodles survive? Can the gang save him? Or will the Queen of the Underworld be revived? Stay tuned...FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION!

This is a longer story than I imagined it was going to be at first, so I'm going to have to split this into parts. I don't see it going more than 3 chapters, though. And, believe it or not, this is based on a true story. I really mean it. At the very end, if you want, I'll tell you guys that true story. I hope you guys like it. This is my gift to all of you.

(Five people are gathered around a campfire somewhere in the wilderness, in the middle of the night.)

SoCalGal: We're called The Midnight Society. Seperately, we're very different. We like different things, we have different jobs, and we have different friends. But one thing draws us together: the dark! Each week, we gather around this fire to share our fears and our strange and scary tales. It's what got us together, and it's what keeps bringing us back. This is a warning to all who join us: you're going to leave the comfort of the light and step into the world of the supernatural.

Marty Mart: You may call me Marty Mart. I like reading, watching movies, playing video games, and expanding my horizons.

Vmuse: Hey, I'm Vmuse. Little things used to mean so much to her- I used to think they were kind of trivial. Believe me, nothing is trivial.

Jelly Bean: Jelly Bean here. Hate me or love me. Its one or the other; always has been. Hate my game, my swagger. Hate my fadeaway, my hunger. Hate that I'm a veteran. A champion. Hate that. Hate it with all your heart. And hate that I'm loved for the exact same reasons. That's straight out of the Black Mamba.

California Waves: And I'm California Waves. Basically, if WaveOcean was a girl, and wasn't so socially awkward and serious-minded all the time, I'm who he'd be.

Jelly Bean: It's Halloween. A most sublime opportunity for whoever dips into their well to share with everyone else.

Vmuse: I did the last story. It was about a Super team of Kobe, CP3, and Dwight Howard working together to take down Emperor Stern.

Marty Mart: Oh man, that was legendary. But yeah, it's your turn, California Waves.

California Waves: I have just the tale. But I will need the help of some magic dust.

SoCalGal reached down to the side of her, and lifted up her bag of dust the Midnight Society always used for storytelling. She handed it to California Waves.

SoCalGal: All yours. But watch yourself, Wave.

California Waves reached into the bag, and took out a handful of dust.

California Waves: Submitted for approval by the Midnight Society. I call this story...The Fall of The Creature Of The Night.

She threw the dust into the fire, making it billow brightly.

It was nearly midnight, and the full moon could be seen hovering over the landscape, high above. Crickets chirped, owls called into the night, bats screeched, and two figures tiptoed through the woods, seeing their own breath in the cold, autumn pall.

gen!e: I still don't understand. Aren't tiger child and lakergirl the scientists who are studying the genetic engineering of alfalfa or something like that? So why are we the ones wandering a dark, thick forest with fog and sounds of nocturnal animals everywhere?

I3oh: Again, we're not here to do any research experiments. We're here because a demonic soul slumbers in this realm of shadows. A being of utmost cruelty and wickedness. The one they call...Creature Of The Night.

gen!e: WHAT?! How can that be? I thought she was just a Celtics troll!

I3oh: No. Much worse. She is a monster with evil powers, shrouded in darkness, consumed by bitterness, and thoroughly impossible to be reasoned with. That is why we have been charged with the task of bringing her down once and for all.

gen!e: And how do we do that?

I3oh did not answer, but held up a hand.

I3oh: Wait a sec...we're here!

They found themselves staring at a dome shaped structure made of marble. An image had been carved into the surface of the dome. An image of two waves separating to reveal the letter C, engulfed in flames. gen!e flinched. I3oh's eyes narrowed in recognition.

I3oh: There is no doubt about it. This is definitely the infernal shrine of the damned, the unhallowed resting place of CreatureOfTheNight herself! We must destroy the altar. Every Halloween night, CreatureOfTheNight rises from the altar to wreak havoc on SSR. We must break the cycle, now!

No sooner had the words left her mouth than a putrid, sickening hue of green engulfed the dome. The entire ground on which I3oh and gen!e stood began to shake violently.

I3oh: No! It can't be! It's too soon!

The hue grew brighter, and began to gather at the top of the dome. I3oh and gen!e watched helplessly as the light took on the form of a figure standing upright.

CreatureOfTheNight had risen again.

CreatureOfTheNight: Come...come...to me...

She lifted her arm and beckoned. gen!e shrieked.

gen!e: RUN!

I3oh and gen!e dashed off in opposite directions. CreatureOfTheNight took one look at gen!e, and then one look at I3oh. She hissed, bent her knees, jumped off the dome, and began to give chase...after I3oh.

gen!e didn't stop running until he was safely out of the woods and back on paved road. He panted, out of breath, and then turned around to look back.

gen!e: Huh? She's not chasing me anymore? Heh, that's too bad. Looks like you need to work on your metabolism and stamina, freakazoid!

He chuckled, quite pleased with himself, but after a few seconds, his smile died instantly.

gen!e:  Wait! What could I have been thinking? I left I3oh all alone! If the monster's not chasing me, than it must be after her! What if it caught up to her? What am I going to do? I've got to find help...fast! I've got to find shaqfor3! He'll know what to do!

The situation took at turn for the worst. For CreatureOfTheNight had managed to catch I3oh. She took hold of I3oh's arms and pinned her against a tree. She had a wicked, hungry smirk on her face.

CreatureOfTheNight: I knew you couldn't resist me forever...

I3oh: Let go of me, you scum queen!

I3oh was so outraged and so angry, she spat in CreatureOfTheNight's face. But this didn't even phase CreatureOfTheNight. She merely licked the spit off her lips.

CreatureOfTheNight: Mmmmm...you taste divine, pretty one...

I3oh's eyes widened in horror and revulsion.

I3oh: Okay, you're just sick! You're into some really freaky shit!

CreatureOfTheNight frowned and shook her head.

CreatureOfTheNight: No no no...such ugly words must not leave the lips of a living thing as beautiful as yourself...

I3oh: Yeah? Who asked you? I can scream and shout whatever the hell I want and there's nothing you can do about it!

CreatureOfTheNight: Ah, but there is...you see...I want to play a wonderful game with you...

I3oh: You can go play with the fungus growing on your feet!

I3oh was angrier than ever, but also very frightened. She kicked at CreatureOfTheNight with one foot desperately.

CreatureOfTheNight: And you are going to play with me...whether you want to or not...now please...allow me to relieve you of your torment...

CreatureOfTheNight leaned forward, and exhaled through her mouth. Out from her lips billowed a green zephyr that completely surrounded I3oh's face. Suddenly, I3oh's eyes closed, and her entire body went limp. She fell to her knees, her face flushed, and her head pointed to the ground. 

CreatureOfTheNight: Now...rise, my treasured puppet...you will now do anything to please me...

I3oh slowly lifted her head and opened her eyes, gazing at CreatureOfTheNight. There was no emotion in those eyes.

I3oh: Yes...it is my only thought...how may I serve my mistress...

CreatureOfTheNight: You know what they say...the more the merrier...invite your friends to play with us...make them come if you must...

I3oh: At once, my lady...

Oh no! I3oh has fallen into CreatureOfTheNight's sinister enchantment! What evil plans does CreatureOfTheNight have up her sleeve? Is I3oh's soul lost forever? Or can gen!e somehow gather the rest of SSR to help combat this enigmatic foe? TO BE CONTINUED.

I've been a rotten fan the past week.

I've been ignoring WNBA basketball for days on end, and haven't been contributing as much to the site as I did before June 10th. I guess I really don't know what to expect from a team defending a title, as I've never watched a season in any sport in which the team I root for was doing that.

So the Storm were hosting the top team in the East, the Indiana Fever. I definitely did not know what was going to happen tonight. In the opener, the Storm looked magnificent. In the Minnesota debacle, the Storm looked like the worst team of all time. You can probably guess that I wasn't singing "zip-a-dee-do-dah" as tonight's game approached. On the contrary, I was quite uncertain.

I mean, the Storm had a week off from the last game. Sure, they might have been angry with how the last game went, but who knows what kind of attitude they were going to bring after having 7 days to think about it?

Lo and behold, with a smothering defense that frustrated Tangela Smith, Tamika Catchings, and Katie Douglas, and some timely offense from Le'coe Willingham, Seattle handily overcame the Fever, and the Storm I know and love are back in business. Indiana's a good team. Were they tired from traveling a long distance? Or are the Storm truly that good? Only time will tell.

Also, Coach Agler? Would it have killed you to bench Sue Bird for the 4th quarter? The game was already decided by then.

Unsung Bench Players: Le'coe Willingham had 10 points and 7 rebounds in 10 minutes. Jeanette Pohlen quietly scored 9 points on 6 shots.

Lacktion Report: Krystal Thomas went digging for gold, and retired after 1:02 with a one trillion, while Ify Ibekwe bricked two shots in 1:39 for a +2 suck differential.

Game 2

Who: Minnesota Lynx @ Seattle Storm

Where: KeyArena

Final: 81-74 Lynx - SBN Seattle summary

Storyline: Maya Moore, Amber Harris, and the Lynx will have their first visit to Seattle. No better a measuring stick for such a young, promising team than a match against the defending champion Storm.

Injury Report: MIN - None SEA - Belinda Snell, Camille Little (Day-to-day - right knee sprain)

(Jump to Storm comments)

Continue reading this post »

"Come on, Ramon..."

"Mike, you know this isn't a good idea."

"So?"

Ramon sighed. With increasing difficulty, Ramon Sessions pried himself free of Mike Payne's arms, and positioned himself as far away as the cramped closet would allow him. While Mike did nothing to keep Ramon at his side, he continued to stare at Ramon with a smile that was nothing short of evil. Quietly, he began to tap his foot in an impatient manner.

"Well? Why not?" he asked again.

Ramon shrugged uncomfortably. "If we get caught...and the last time I said yes because you carried me to the janitor's closet. That's different. There, we weren't prone to being discovered by anyone other than the janitor. Here, hell, even bugman22 could come in."

"So?"

Cornering Ramon against the shelves, Mike placed his hands on Ramon's chest and began sliding them upwards and around his neck. Ramon blinked as Mike thrust his face closer to his.

"Come on, Ramon..." he purred seductively. "You're always saying how I'm constantly making you wait."

Again, Ramon sighed. Wrapping his arms around Mike's small waist, he leaned forward and began to run his tongue across Mike's neck.

"We're gonna get caught, Mike."

Mike laughed softly. "Wanna bet?"

"Yes. I bet you 5 bucks that we're gonna get busted."

One of Mike's hands moved up to Ramon's neck. He ran his fingers along Ramon's short, black hair, which shined in the dim light of the closet.

"Mmmmm....10 bucks!"

"Fifteen."

"Twenty!"

"Thirty."

"Fourty!"

"Fifty."

"One hundred and fifty!"

The last proposal caught Ramon by surprise. A hundred and fifty dolllars was quite a jump from 50. For a moment, he paused his activity, considering the offer. Then he grinned. A hundred and fifty was enough to make him happy for the next three days, he figured.

Breathing softly in Mike's ear, he whispered, "Deal."

Sorry guys, that's all I can write. I gotta get back to my homework, and I really should keep this work safe. Hope you guys like it!

I could not let this comment disappear at the bottom of a  thread. Originally written by beat writer for Silver Screen and Roll, Gil Meriken:

First we were afraid
We were petrified
Kept thinking we could never win
Without you on our side
But we spent so many nights
Thinking how you did us wrong
We grew strong
We learned how to carry on
and so you’re back
from South Beach
With your new teammates
Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, you even took Z
We should have traded you for more
Instead putting up with all your shit
If we had known for just one second
That in Game 5 you would quit

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
‘cause you’re not welcome anymore
weren’t you the one who tried to hurt us with goodbye
you think we’d crumble
you think we’d lay down and die

No not us
We will survive
as long there’s another game
We know we’ll stay alive
We still might make the playoffs
And if not there’s the lottery
and we’ll survive
We’ll survive

It took all the strength we had
not to fall apart
consoled ourselves
that J.J. Hickson would get to start
and we spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for ourselves
We used to cry
Now we hold our heads up high
and you see our team
completely new
We’re not the pushovers
that used to bow to you
and so you felt like dropping in
with your empty apologies 
we’re moving on now
have fun in Miami

The following is a very real conversation between three very real human beings that took place this evening on tinychat.com/ssr. All I can tell you is that I used "waveocean" for my nickname, and I had the other two people use "californiawaves" and "creatureofthenight" as their nicknames to protect their identity in case anyone else showed up. For those of you who enjoy math, I hope you have fun reading this conversation. For those of you who do not, I hope you laugh at what you are about to read.

And to clarify, the California Waves and CreatureOfTheNight SBNation accounts do not belong to anyone else. They are alternative accounts that were created by me, WaveOcean. WaveOcean, California Waves, and CreatureOfTheNight are all the same person on SBNation. In the conversation on tinychat, they were just nicknames used by me and two other people.

[18:17] guest-8225 changed nickname to waveocean

[18:20] guest-8261 entered the room

[18:20] guest-8270 entered the room

[18:20] waveocean: hi

[18:21] waveocean: is this who i think it is?

[18:21] guest-8270 changed nickname to californiawaves

[18:21] waveocean: All right

[18:21] waveocean: ready for some Math 527?

[18:21] californiawaves: Okay

[18:21] waveocean: This is tiny chat, a site where you can chat with anyone without an account

[18:21] californiawaves: cool

[18:22] waveocean: i don't think anyone else will stumble in on our conversation

[18:22] waveocean: so how did you get the sixth root of e?

[18:22] californiawaves: they be really bored if they did!

[18:22] waveocean: maybe i could get creatureofthenight to come here

[18:22] californiawaves: cool

[18:23] californiawaves: did you start by using logs

[18:23] waveocean: er....

[18:24] californiawaves: you know, log L = blah blah

[18:24] waveocean: I started by writing e^[(1/x^2)ln(x/sin(x))]

[18:25] californiawaves: okay, I used log L = (1/x^2) log(x/sin(x))  

[18:25] waveocean: fair enough

[18:25] waveocean: continue

[18:25] californiawaves: I had to use L'hopital several times

[18:25] californiawaves: you?

[18:26] waveocean: i used it 3 times

[18:26] californiawaves: yeah, I used it once to show x/sinx = 1 

[18:26] waveocean: all righ

[18:26] waveocean: it becomes 1/cosx

[18:27] californiawaves: yep

[18:27] waveocean: now i have ln(1/cosx)/x^2

[18:28] waveocean: e to the power of all that

[18:28] californiawaves: okay, I have log(x/sinx) / x^2 which is of the form 0/0

[18:28] californiawaves: same thing

[18:29] waveocean: so use l'hopital's rule to get tanx/2x

[18:30] californiawaves: I get lim  (-xcosx + sinx)/2 x^2 sinx

[18:31] guest-8518 entered the room

[18:31] waveocean: what....

[18:31] guest-8518 changed nickname to creatureofthenight

[18:31] waveocean: hi creatureofthenight

[18:31] creatureofthenight: hi

[18:31] waveocean: we're discussing 4.4.5c

[18:31] californiawaves: hi

[18:32] creatureofthenight: ok...i got e^1/6

[18:32] waveocean: i got square root of e

[18:32] waveocean: DAMNIT

[18:32] waveocean: Then i must be wrong

[18:32] californiawaves: me too!

[18:32] creatureofthenight: I had to apply l'Hopital 3 times I think

[18:32] californiawaves: yeah

[18:32] waveocean: so you're saying the derivative of ln(1/cosx) is not tanx?

[18:33] creatureofthenight: i don't have any tangents involved in mine...just sin and cos

[18:33] californiawaves: me too

[18:33] californiawaves: I have two terms

[18:34] waveocean: i don't get it

[18:34] waveocean: it's cos times the derivative of sec

[18:34] waveocean: isn't it?

[18:34] creatureofthenight: did you ln both sides first, before you started applying l'hopital?

[18:35] waveocean: i didn't...but...i'm trying to take the derivative of ln(1/cosx). That's what i want to do

[18:35] waveocean: right?

[18:36] creatureofthenight: the first time you take derivatives you should be taking the derivaive of ln(x/sinx) on th

[18:36] creatureofthenight: e top

[18:36] californiawaves: I used the original log(x/sinx)

[18:36] creatureofthenight: and x^2 on the bottom

[18:36] waveocean: how?

[18:36] waveocean: you cannot take log(x/sinx)

[18:36] waveocean: it's negative infinity

[18:37] creatureofthenight: that's why you l'hopital

[18:37] californiawaves: differentiate the original

[18:37] waveocean: but then you have negative infinity on the top and 0 on the bottom

[18:37] waveocean: you can't use l'hopital's rule

[18:38] waveocean: they both have to be 0

[18:38] waveocean: or they both have to be infinity

[18:38] creatureofthenight: hmm...

[18:38] creatureofthenight: I dunno...I just did it anyway

[18:39] waveocean: shit, where's californiawaves

[18:39] creatureofthenight: ?

[18:40] waveocean: it kicked her off for no reason

[18:40] waveocean: well,

[18:41] waveocean: i think i'm going to live and die by the answer i put

[18:41] waveocean: but thanks for talking with me about it

[18:41] creatureofthenight: yeah...I'm leaving mine too...I wrote too much to rewrite it...lol

[18:41] waveocean: all right

[18:41] waveocean: shall we do 2b or 4 first?

[18:42] creatureofthenight: we can do 4

[18:42] creatureofthenight: I typed it so I could copy and paste it

[18:42] creatureofthenight: here's what i did:

[18:42] creatureofthenight: Let y=sin^(-1)(x)Then siny=xDifferentiate both sides (using implicit differentiation) of t

[18:43] creatureofthenight: the equation to get  Cosy(dy/dx)=1(dy/dx)=1/cosy

[18:43] creatureofthenight: after the 1, there was supposed to be space

[18:43] creatureofthenight: that dy/dx=1/cosy is the next step

[18:44] waveocean: all right

[18:44] waveocean: i follow

[18:45] creatureofthenight: ok..then  (dy/dx)=1/(cos(sin^(-1)(x)))     (as y=sin^(-1)(x))

[18:45] creatureofthenight: Use trig identity cos^2+sin^2=1 to get:    (dy/dx)=1/(√(1-sin(sin^(-1)(x))^2))

[18:45] creatureofthenight: So    (dy/dx)=(f^-1)’(x)=1/√(1-x^2)

[18:46] guest-8810 entered the room

[18:46] guest-8810 changed nickname to californiawaves

[18:46] creatureofthenight: it sucks to have to write it like that

[18:46] waveocean: Yeah...

[18:46] creatureofthenight: I hope it's understandable

[18:46] waveocean: I'm having trouble.

[18:46] creatureofthenight: where?

[18:47] californiawaves: damn comcast!

[18:47] waveocean: so we use the trig identity to get dy/dx equals what?

[18:47] waveocean: sorry californiawaves

[18:47] creatureofthenight: I've been having trouble with comcast too...

[18:47] californiawaves: no worries

[18:47] creatureofthenight: the denominator should become the square root of 1 minus sin^2(sin^-1(x))

[18:48] creatureofthenight: and those sines canceld to get x^2

[18:48] waveocean: oh....you replace cos

[18:48] waveocean: i get it

[18:48] creatureofthenight: yeah

[18:48] waveocean: wow

[18:48] waveocean: that's pretty badass

[18:48] creatureofthenight: I thought it was pretty cool

[18:49] waveocean: all right then. That's that.

[18:49] waveocean: Now for 2b

[18:49] californiawaves: mine's a mess! ha

[18:49] creatureofthenight: at least you've done something. I'm stumped

[18:49] waveocean: first of all, what is f'?

[18:50] waveocean: how would we differentiate f?

[18:50] californiawaves: just 1 + e g'  

[18:50] waveocean: exactly

[18:50] waveocean: now what do we know about g'?

[18:51] creatureofthenight: bounded by M

[18:51] waveocean: exactly

[18:51] californiawaves: and could use MVT on g

[18:51] waveocean: oh

[18:51] waveocean: that's not what i did

[18:51] creatureofthenight: can we go from the beginning?

[18:51] waveocean: all right

[18:51] creatureofthenight: or is differentiating f the beginning?

[18:52] waveocean: it's where i started

[18:52] creatureofthenight: ok

[18:52] californiawaves: ok

[18:52] waveocean: so anyway, how can we set epsilon so that 1 + episilon g' is positive?

[18:53] waveocean: knowing that -M <= g' <= M

[18:53] creatureofthenight: I'm guessing we use the positive M somehow....

[18:54] waveocean: how about 1/(2M)?

[18:54] creatureofthenight: ok...that makes sense

[18:54] waveocean: then f' is greater than 1/2

[18:54] waveocean: so it's always positive

[18:54] waveocean: and what did we learn from 2a when f' is positive?

[18:55] creatureofthenight: strictly increasing

[18:55] waveocean: in other words, monotone

[18:55] waveocean: and thus one-to-one

[18:55] creatureofthenight: which makes it one to one

[18:55] creatureofthenight: ok

[18:55] waveocean: there you go!

[18:55] creatureofthenight: oh that's not so bad!

[18:55] californiawaves: wow!

[18:55] waveocean: no it's not lol

[18:55] creatureofthenight: I was having the hardest time

[18:55] californiawaves: me too

[18:55] waveocean: well, that's what i'm here fore

[18:55] waveocean: for

[18:56] californiawaves: what thm # is that

[18:56] waveocean: Uh...

[18:56] waveocean: it's not really a theorem.

[18:56] waveocean: it's what the professor would call "second nature".

[18:56] waveocean: i mean, if something is strictly increasing,

[18:57] waveocean: how could f(x) = f(y) without x=y?

[18:57] californiawaves: right

[18:57] creatureofthenight: ok...so I'm a little confused on how we got f' > 1/2....f'=1+eg'<=1+eM?

[18:58] waveocean: here's the deal

[18:58] waveocean: -M <= g' <= M

[18:58] waveocean: so set e = 1/(2M)

[18:58] waveocean: then 1/2 <= f' <= 3/2

[18:59] waveocean: so f' is positive

[18:59] creatureofthenight: oh ok

[18:59] waveocean: all clear?

[18:59] californiawaves: neat

[18:59] creatureofthenight: i think so

[18:59] waveocean: i'm going to stay logged in while working, so let me know if you want to talk some more.

[19:00] creatureofthenight: if you could help me with 3.3.5 on the prev hw real quick that would be great

[19:00] waveocean: all right

[19:00] creatureofthenight: I know let e=(M+f(a))/2....

[19:00] creatureofthenight: but I'm kinda stuck

[19:00] waveocean: well, we know e > 0

[19:00] californiawaves: was it the last one?

[19:01] waveocean: and we know f is continuous at a

[19:01] creatureofthenight: right....and no californiawaves, it was in the middle somewhere

[19:01] waveocean: so there exists d > 0 such that |x - a| < d implies |f(x) - f(a)| < e

[19:02] creatureofthenight: yeah I got all that

[19:02] waveocean: well, then -e < f(x) - f(a) < e

[19:02] creatureofthenight: oh ok...I'm a tard...I think i can take it from there

[19:03] waveocean: oh can you?

[19:03] creatureofthenight: maybe not...

[19:03] waveocean: we can talk about this again tomorrow if you prefer

[19:03] waveocean: or shall i continue?

[19:04] creatureofthenight: you can continue....lol

[19:04] waveocean: so we have f(x) < e + f(a)

[19:05] waveocean: which is less than (M - f(a))/2 + f(a)

[19:05] waveocean: which is less than M

[19:05] creatureofthenight: oh ok

[19:06] waveocean: So we want to pick x such that |x - a| < d

[19:06] waveocean: In other words, x must lie in the open interval (a - d, a + d)

[19:06] waveocean: which clearly contains a

[19:06] creatureofthenight: yeah

[19:06] waveocean: i wrote that down and got 5/5

[19:06] californiawaves: sweet

[19:07] creatureofthenight: nice. 

[19:07] waveocean: all right. I need to get to work. I've only written down all the problems that weren't on

[19:07] waveocean: sheet 6

[19:07] waveocean: i'll stay here

[19:08] creatureofthenight: good luck!

[19:08] californiawaves: for sheet 6.4 can't get + or - sign to go away at the end

[19:08] waveocean: if you want to talk later

[19:08] creatureofthenight: for #4 I let y=sin^-1(x) and then implicitly differentiated both sides...is that how you

[19:08] creatureofthenight: did it californiawaves?

[19:09] californiawaves: wow, no I used inverse fcn thm

[19:10] creatureofthenight: oh...well if you do it like I did, then you end up with 1/sqrt(1-cos(sin^-1(x)) and you 

[19:10] creatureofthenight: can replace cos using cos=sqrt(1-sin^2) and then you get exactly what you want

[19:11] californiawaves: cool

[19:13] californiawaves: thanks guys! good night

[19:13] creatureofthenight: good night!

[19:13] waveocean: good night!

I would go crazy with the music selection. I have it all planned out for all the chapters of the season.

The first part of the DVD would be an introduction to the Seattle franchise, with voice-overs from the players talking about what it means to wear a Storm jersey, and the pride and responsibility that comes with it, and what draws America towards this team. Playing in the background would be Procession of the Nobles, by Rimsky Korsakov. A very classy and majestic way to get the viewers settled in.

Chapter two would start with a black screen, with the words, "2007 Conference Semi-Finals: Game 2" and show footage of the dying minutes of Seattle at Phoenix, being eliminated from the playoffs. The footage would be in black and white, with The Grand Duel from Kill Bill in the background. A narrator would talk about how the Storm were knocked out of the first round for the third straight year, and this time they would have to face the possibility that they were playing their last ever game for Seattle. Then we would see the Storm purchased by Force 10 Hoops LLC to keep the team in Seattle, but it would be bittersweet, because we would see the Sonics leave Seattle...perhaps forever. It's a very gloomy and heartbreaking scene, to give the viewer an idea of the trying times Seattle went through before this year.

Chapter three would show the start of the season, with the Storm on a tear, jumping out to a 16-2 record. A fast-paced, energetic song would play over this, like Riding the Shell from Rayman. Along the way we would see interviews from the players and coaching staff talking about what the Storm were doing so well. We would see footage from blowouts and nailbiting wins, usually against Phoenix. This would also be the part where the narrator would talk extensively about the individual players on the team, and what they provided for the Storm.

Chapter four would then show that the Storm weren't perfect; sometimes they did lose. It would highlight the embarrassing defeat against the WNBA's worst team, the Tulsa Shock. A slow, plodding, repetitive song, like Clark's Theme from Rayman, would work here. But we would also see the Storm avenging their losses, with footage from the historic 111-65 win, and the 80-60 win against Chicago. (I was at that game!) The narrator would then transition to the season winding down, talking about how the Storm wrapped up the best record in the WNBA, capping off one of the best regular seasons in Seattle Sports history.

Chapter five would be the start of the playoffs. It would begin by showing black and white footage from the 3 defeats Seattle suffered at the hands of the LA Sparks, along with the captions "2006"..."2008"..."2009". The music would be bitter and sorrowful, kinda like Born on the Fourth of July. 

Game 1 vs the Sparks in Seattle would use Gnasty Gnorc from Spyro. Serious and intense, since we were trying to erase our painful playoff demons.

Game 2 at Los Angeles would use Gnasty's Loot. A far more cheerful and triumphant song, perfect for wrapping up the series and finally putting the LA nightmare to an end.

For the conference finals, the DVD would briefly introduce the Phoenix Mercury with a few sentences and the music Krook's March from Donkey Kong Country 2.

Game 1 in Seattle would use Phoenix Fire from Nightfire. A perfect song for a very pivotal contest against a dangerous team.

Game 2 in Phoenix would use Cradle from Goldeneye. Stressful, hard-fought, back and forth, and fast paced. And for our 15-0 run to pull off an incredible come from behind win, well, fast forward to the 1:59 mark in that video. During our celebration in winning the WCF and the Western Conference trophy presentation, the theme from Castle in the Sky would play. A nice way to wind down after a game for the ages.

Chapter six would be the WNBA Finals. We would start with a quick background story on the Atlanta Dream, and their playoff run. It's hard to explain, but I would want to use The Dance by Charlotte Martin. I know, it's kind of weird to hear this music while watching the Dream upset the Mystics and Liberty, but I like it. I think it's the drums that make it a great fit.

Before the finals begin, the DVD would show the city of Seattle getting ready for the Finals. Any music that feels perilous, but foreshadowing, would do nicely here, such as Toasty from Sypro. We would see the Finals flag flying atop the Space Needle, fans in jerseys walking around Key Arena, buying merchandise, handing in tickets, getting programs, yelling and chanting their support for their Storm.

Game 1 would need music to create a rush of adrenaline, like the boss theme from Digimon World 3. As for the final minute of the game, we would need a change of pace, perhaps Hell's Kitchen from Lord of the Dance. (Go to the 5:05 mark in the video)

Game 2 would only a bit easier than Game 1. The finish wouldn't be as nailbiting, so a less stressful song, like Twilight Harbor from Spyro, would work here. Also, in between the games, we would see the Storm players practicing in a gym and getting ready for the next game.

For Game 3, both the pregame showing fans in Atlanta excited about the game and the game itself, we would need a very climatic, final battle kind of song. I can think of no better example than Equinox from Nightfire.

And finally, for the trophy presentation, the Storm partying in the locker room, coming home to Seattle, and the championship parade, we would need a conclusive, joyous song that makes one feel like the worst is over and your deepest dream has come true. I know just the song, and you know it works just by looking at the title: Reaching for Heaven from the movie Ice Princess. This song would play while the credits roll.

Yeah, I know, I selected a lot of video game songs. I still think I made some good choices.

Now that was fantastic. This is the team that has won 56 games and holds the NBA's best record. After several close games over the past week and a tough series with Detroit all year, the Cleveland Cavaliers finally demonstrated their superiority with a 104-79 trampling of the Pistons. The Cavs got off to a good 28-20 start in the first quarter and would never let the Pistons come close again for the rest of the night, swelling the lead to 81-59 by the end of the third quarter and giving LeBron James a long overdue 4th quarter off.

There was lots to like about this game, as the Cavaliers looked flawless on defense, holding the Pistons to under 80 points. What was even better was the welcome sight of even distribution on scoring and ball-handling. Six Cavaliers were in double figures, and LeBron only took 9 shots all game long.

Mo Williams: 4-8, 12 points, 8 assists, 34 minutes. His offense was anything but off today, as he hit 2 out of 3 three pointers and finished with only 1 turnover. He looked much more sharp and focused than he did in Chicago.

JJ Hickson: 6-10, 13 points, 8 rebounds, 27 minutes. He had not been taking as many shots lately, and he had trouble finishing at the rim. As I've said before, the basket looks a little bigger for him at home.

Leon Powe: 5-8, 16 points, 7 rebounds, 21 minutes. When this guy was in Boston, I was envious, because he brought a lot of energy off the bench. As a Cavalier, he can be as aggressive as Varejao when he's on the floor. I'm impressed by how many times he willed himself to the line on Sunday, earning 10 free throw attempts. He was a go-to-guy in the 4th quarter.

Anthony Parker:  4-8, 11 points, 5 assists, 19 minutes. The Associated Parker lives! He has had a very tough time playing over the past several weeks. He would need 6 attempts to hit 1 three pointer at times. But today, he looked like he could not miss in the third quarter, and it was the kind of game we're going to expect from him in the playoffs. 

Up next is the New Orleans Hornets. We're a much more confident team heading to Louisiana, coming off a dominant win instead of a 3 game losing streak.

The legend of LeBron James continues to grow.

LeBron became the youngest player in NBA history to score a total of 15,000 points at age 25, surpassing Kobe Bryant's record at age 27. He needed only 3 points to reach the achievement, but was careful to treat Friday evening like any other game, scoring 29 points. The Cleveland Cavaliers would need just about every one of them to help hold off a spirited challenge from a Chicago Bulls team without Derrick Rose, sidelined by an injured wrist.

Playing in the hostile territory of the United Center, the Cavaliers had to overcome some big games from Taj Gibson and James Johnson along with some astonishingly bad ball movement (17 turnovers, all shared among 5 players). They responded with a tough defensive game, forcing one bad shot after another from Chicago, holding the Bulls under 60 points in the final 3 quarters and holding a team under 90 for the first time since their victory in Boston. The Cavs lead by as many as 10, but could never pull away, scoring just 15 points in the 3rd quarter and going the first 5 minutes of the 4th quarter with only two field goals.

Continue reading this post »

The Cleveland Cavaliers have played from behind and erased double-digit deficits in the past, but never one of this magnitude in Cleveland. On a night that will live in infamy, the Detroit Pistons came into the Q and jumped out to the biggest lead a road team has ever had against the Cavaliers at 21. But the Cavs never gave up, fighting and fighting from downhill to pull off a miraculous 99-92 victory. The game almost ruined a night in which the Quicken Loans Areana audience set a Guiness World Record for the most fleece blankets worn in one color in one room.

The entire stadium was wearing promotional Cavaliers' Snuggies handed out before the game, but the playful environment only seemed to embarrass the Cavs and provide extra fuel for the Pistons, who started the game off shooting a shocking 59% from the field. The Cavs, meanwhile, seemed to have trouble with every pass and every possession would almost end up in a deflection by a Piston. The Cavs were also out-muscled on the boards, unable to get any rebounds, and every rebound for the Pistons ending up in a wide open jump shot. The free throw line also started off terribly, with the Cavs missing their first 5. Detroit led by 9 at the end of the first quarter.

The second quarter was even worse, with the Pistons hitting their first 5 shots and building the lead to 15. Within just 2 minutes, the Pistons already scored 11 points. Keep in mind that the Pistons are one of the worst offensive teams in the NBA. They built a back-breaking 42-22 lead, with the Cavs reverting to the failed strategy of LeBron shooting jump shots with everyone standing around. Speaking of which, the Cavs missed their first 6 three pointers.

Midway through the second quarter, the Cavalier defense began to improve, and only allowed 10  points for the remainder of the quarter. No one was playing well offensively at all, except for LeBron, Antwan, Delonte, and Andy. Delonte and Andy helped keep us in the game and helped bring the Cavaliers back to within 9, putting the Cavs in much better shape than I hoped for.

In the third quarter, things didn't seem to improve as the Pistons were hot and the Cavs were cold to start off and fell behind by 15. But the Cavaliers came back to within 6, prompting a timeout with Varejao going to the line. At that moment, tragedy struck. During the timeout, Pistons guard Rodney Stuckey collapsed, reportedly from a seizure, and had to be carried off the court on a stretcher and rushed to the hospital. Our condolences go to him.

 Afterwards, the Cavaliers came to life, cutting the deficit to 2 by the end of the third. In the fourth quarter, Antwan Jamison became a scoring machine, putting up 7 points and leading an 11-2 run that sent the Quicken Loans Arena crowd and the Cavaliers into nirvana. The emotionally deflated Pistons would never get closer than 4 from thereon out.

Detroit, thanks for letting me know our fierce rivalry isn't quite dead yet. I wish we didn't have to play you for the rest of the season.

Top Three Cavaliers Performances:

LeBron James: 16-27, 3-7 3PM-A, 40 points, 13 rebounds, 6 assists, 42 minutes. Poor LeBron turned his ankle and was limping, but had no choice other than to stay in the game. He got the ball to several teammates inside, and his 3 point shooting was terrible for most of the game, but absolutely brilliant in the fourth quarter.

Anderson Varejao: 8-10, 16 points, 10 rebounds, 39 minutes. Varejao was the only Cavalier besides LeBron worth his salt hustling to loose balls. He didn't let the Pistons push him around in the first half and he got some layups inside when the Cavs' offense was sputtering.

Delonte West: 4-7, 12 points, 7 assists, 29 minutes. Our starting guards were terrible tonight. Mo Williams didn't play any defense and it took him and Anthony forever to get their first shots of the game. We also didn't get anything from our bench outside of Andy and Delonte. Of course, the other guys played a combined 15 minutes, and I guess I can understand why Mike Brown would be uncomfortable giving guys like Jamario and Leon a lot of minutes in a game like this. Really, LeBron, Andy, Delonte, and Antwan carried 98% of the workload between them in this game.

Now it's off to Milwakee, a playoff team. Hurry home Z. We're getting hammered inside without you!

Warning: I am literally drunk as I type this. Try not to take too much of what I say seriously.

Oh yeah.

The Cavs were playing a back to back night game, came into Toronto and won against the Raptors in overtime. Not an easy thing to do, and the Cavs haven't always been the best OT team in the world. We led by as many as 12, but didn't play defense for most of the game as the score was 33-30 at the first quarter and 60-60 at the half. It was a tight battle of will all game long, neither team led by more than i think 5, and down the stretch, the Raptors took the lead thanks to freaking Turkey Glue. But LeBron tied the game, Raptors missed the game winner, and the Cavs scrambled to outplay the Raptors in OT.

It was a really scary game right from the start. LeBron was hacked in the first quarter and went down, unable to get up. His knee was hurtin' and bothered him the whole game, but he made up for it with timely drives and drawing fouls. That's why we love him.

Cavs shining tonight:

LeBron James: 10-17, 15-16 FTM-A, 36 points, 9 assists, 44 minutes. He fought through pain, willing himself to the line and putting up one of his best free throw shooting performances in memory. 

Antwan Jamison: 8-14, 22 points, 11 rebounds, 46 minutes. By far the best offensive night for him as a Cavalier. His defense was better than usual too. However, his ft shooting left much to be desired.

Anthony Parker: 4-8, 10 points, 2 steals, +15 +/-, 42 minutes. The Associated Parker played one of his finest defensive games that I recall, including a crucial steal down the stretch. He played as well as and as fast as Varejao at some points, getting in people's faces.

Mo Williams: 8-18, 6-11 3PM-A, 22 points, 6 assists, 37 minutes. Oh Mo, whatever are we going to do with you? In OT, you stepped up to hit two straight 3 pointers to help put crucial distance between us and the Cavs. Have you found your shooting stroke at last? Or do you just wait until the final period to turn it up?

Anderson Varejao: 4-5, 11 points, 8 rebounds, 23 points. Poor Vareajao. With no Shaq or Z, a lot of weight was put on his shoulders, but he was able to share with a very diverse bench.

Delonte West: 5-13, 15 points, 4 rebounds, 30 minutes. Far and away our best bench player. His shot was off the mark for most of the game, but considering this game went into OT, we can say he made the shots he needed to.

Who do we play next? New York? I think so. We can win that game. If we can beat this friggin' team, how tough can the Knicks be? 

It could not have started off any worse for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

It could not have ended any better.

The Cleveland Cavaliers came into Boston, having not won since January 3, 2007, overcame a 13-point deficit, and shut down the Boston Celtics 108-88.

This has to be our best win of the season. More than the win at the LA Lakers. In that game, we dominated almost the entire afternoon. Also more than the win in Miami, because we came back immediately at end of the 2nd quarter and stayed with the Heat all game long.

1st quarter notes: A miserable defensive effort all around. I hardly recognized the Cavs as the Celtics were getting multiple fastbreak opportunities and Rajon Rondo was in the middle of every possession. Players weren't communicating properly and the Celtics were getting shot after shot in the paint simply by passing to either a wide open KG or a wide open Kendrick Perkins. It didn't help that our offense was poor, with the starting lineup giving very little help to LeBron and missing lots of shots. Boston raced out to a 21-12 lead and finished 31-21.

2nd quarter notes: Things didn't improve much in this quarter. The Celtics handed the ball to Nate Robinson, Rasheed Wallace, or Ray Allen, and no Cavalier could get to them in time to stop them from scoring 3 pointers at will. Boston was shooting 73% and 100% from beyond 3 point range while the Cavs were stuck in the 40s. They stretched the lead to 12 and Cleveland called a timeout. Our only scoring options were Shaq or Varejao, who by themselves kept Cleveland in the game. Although we cut the lead to 7, Shaq was hit in the thumb and had to sit out the rest of the game. Cleveland was on the verge of getting blown out of the building. My only thought in the second quarter was, "Get it to 9. Get it to 9." And they did, with LeBron finally connecting from 3 point range to cut the deficit to 8 at halftime. There was still hope.

3rd quarter notes: I'll admit it, we had some help. The Celtics cooled off and started missing shots they would have made in the first half. But our defense improved significantly, as we started filling the paint with more bodies, grabbing more rebounds, and making things harder for the Celtics. With the Boston lead at 7, Antwan Jamison, who had been a train wreck for most of the night, hit 3 straight shots, catching the Celtics completely off guard and helping to fuel a Cavs run that brought us back all the way to within 1. Heading into the 4th quarter, an unfamiliar feeling came over the Celtics: we had the momentum approaching the homestretch, not them.

4th quarter notes: There's no sugarcoating it: Cleveland exploded and Boston fled in terror. Playing suffocating defense, we forced steals and bad shots, making the Celtics miss 6 of their first 7 shots. They would finish with a meager 14 fourth quarter points. And the Cavs? You want offense? First, the Cavs took the lead for the first time since leading 6-4 and stretched it to a 6-point margin without LeBron, thanks to some timely shots by JJ Hickson and Delonte West. During that stretch, Mo Williams made a shot. He had been struggling all night long, but that 20-point jumper finally awoke him from a deep slump he'd been playing through since he came back from injury. Second, when LeBron checked back in, the Cavs decided to try and help Mo regain his confidence, so they gave the ball to him and let him shoot. And Mo hit three straight 3-pointers to push the lead to 10. Timeout Boston By this point, there weren't many Celtic fans in attendance  with any air left in them, and the Garden crowd grew smaller and smaller throughout the 4th quarter. Likewise, the Celtics shrunk to shells of their first half selves, missing every basket and getting outraced to every loose ball. But Cleveland was riding a magic carpet of emotion and never let up, stretching the lead to 20 and going out with a bang.

Am I missing anything?

Oh yeah: To anyone who wants to make the excuse for Boston that they played without Paul Pierce, I don't want to hear about it. We played with no centers for almost 3/4s of the game. You can't win this argument.

I'll just wrap it up with the usual stats:

LeBron James: 11-23, 3-6 3PM-A, 11-15 FTM-A, 36 points, 7 rebounds, 9 assists. LeBron was sensational tonight. He would not let anyone contain him, willing himself to the line and the basket. He refused to settle for quick 3s, which is a welcome sight to all Cavs fans. No matter how poor the Cavs offense looked, LeBron never stopped chugging along.

Anderson Varejao: 6-7, 14 points, 10 rebounds, 3 blocks, 36 minutes. It is my opinion that without Varejao, we would not have won that game. His scoring and movement was the one bright spot in what was otherwise a gloomy second quarter and his presence on the boards was so good, he looked like the 2004 version of Ben Wallace.

JJ Hickson: 4-6, 8 points, 4 rebounds, +27 in 23 minutes. In case anyone was wondering, that's why I'm so peeved that Hickson may be getting robbed of his normal minutes in the rotation. He's a dominant forward with amazing amounts of energy and can provide great sparks. This was one of his better road games, too.

As much as I don't want to admit it, it's becoming glaringly obvious: The All-Star Break was exactly what the Cleveland Cavaliers did NOT need. The Celtics needed it, as they've won 3 straight games after falling to the 4th seed. But not us. The spirit and momentum of our 13-game win streak was erased, and we experienced an intense shake-up in our lineup with a huge trade. We lost a historic cornerstone of our franchise and took on an veteran being paid a LOT of money. Now, we are staring at our first 3-game losing streak, and plenty of questions about our team as they head home to play the Hornets. More than ever, we need a win.

The only thing positive that we can take from this game is that we got a great game from Antwan Jamison in the second half. Unfortunately, he was already battling foul trouble by then. The same goes for Shaquille O'Neal. Speaking of which, that's one real problem we've been having since the break: teams have taken almost every Cavalier out of the game. Other than LeBron, Shaq, and Antwan, no other Cavalier was in double figures. That could be a real problem. Against a team like Orlando, LeBron's teammates need to play excellent, because the Magic have a lot of go-to guys that seem to score whenever they feel like it. A game like this shows how important home court advantage is, because unlike the game in Cleveland, it was the Cavs that wilted down the stretch, allowing a 9-0 run at one point. Even more embarrassing was Vince Carter catching fire and making huge shots in the fourth.

LeBron James: 12-25, 1-6 3PM-A, 33 points, 5 turnovers, -9 +/-. This is the third game in a row that his 3-point shooting has completely vanished, and it's the third game in which he starts shooting bad, quick 3s in the fourth quarter. He was reduced to a spectator in the last 12 minutes, scoring just 3 points. That isn't supposed to happen. Something is wrong with LeBron.

Mo Williams: 1-9, 0-4 3PM-A, 4 points, -7 +/-, 33 minutes. I also don't think Mo Williams has fully recovered yet. It hasn't been 6 weeks since he was injured, after all. He shouldn't have played so many minutes, especially with Daniel Gibson on the roster, who saw only 13 minutes, took 1 shot, and still finished +5.

Anthony Parker: 1-4, 5 PFs, 26 minutes, -1 +/-. The only shots Parker took were 3 pointers. He finished with more fouls than points. Even worse was that several of his fouls weren't aggressive enough, so they ended up as and-1s.  

It was a cold, sunny morning in January. My mother and I left our house as early as we could, ready to make a 2 hour road trip to the city of Portland. Our driver was a lifelong friend who was currently living in the city, and who had been kind enough to buy our tickets well in advance. We were coming to watch a Blazers game...against the Cleveland Cavaliers.

We arrived around noon, giving us plenty of time to have lunch and explore the town. The downtown area had a distinct charm to it. The shopping centers were modest, the parks looked friendly, and the neighborhoods looked hospitable. It made a lot of sense why my friend wanted to live here.

About two hours before tipoff, we walked to a train that would take us all the way to the Rose Quarter. Upon entering one of the cars and sitting down, I already found myself surrounded by three Blazers fans, sweatshirts, foam fingers, hats and everything. I was not wearing a Cavs jersey...only a hat with the Cavs logo gleaming on it. Both my mom and my friend were a little worried about my hat, thinking we were going to be subjected to massive heckling, but I was not worried. One of the Blazers fans took one look at me, smiled, and said,

"Nobody's perfect."

I was certainly not going to take this jab lying down, so I smiled and said, "Cavs all the way, baby. That's where it's at."

This elicited groans and guffaws from several other passengers. My friend said, "Yes, he lives on the West Coast, but he's a Cavs fan. I don't know how it happened either. I live in Portland."

Another Blazers fan said, "You better watch it, or you're in for a rough night." That also got everyone laughing. The first Blazers fan said, "Naw man, it's all good. You're cool to come here tonight. But I just gotta warn you, you're alone." Then she grinned.

I responded, "I know I'm in Portland, but, you know...it's bad business. Do you really think you guys can make a deep playoff run? I mean, you've lost Greg Oden again. Anyone think he's a bust?"

The second Blazers fan said, "Why of course! It's because he came from friggin' Ohio State! That's why he's so washed up!"

That got me peeved. I wanted to respond with, "Ohio State? You mean the team that just beat Oregon in the Rose Bowl?" But I didn't. I just eased back, picturing the prospect of enjoying the game, watching the Cavs win, and seeing all these fans leave the Garden. I licked my chops just thinking about it. When you're rooting for the road team, it's the most satisfying part of being a road fan: witnessing the home crowd shuffle out silence after listening to them roaring and cheering their team on. I was sure I would get the last laugh, I just had to wait.

As we got closer to the Rose Quarter, more passengers filled up the train. I saw one man get on board with his son, who looked like he was 10 years old. He happened to be wearing a Cavaliers sweatshirt. I delighted in this, but Blazers fans laughed, saying, "What happened to this kid? Where did our village go wrong?"

Once we arrived, I saw huge crowds of people and lines backed up way outside the entrance. In the distance was a gigantic circular complex with the words ROSE GARDEN on it. I began to get nervous with anticipation; I could hardly contain my excitement. As we made our way towards the entrance, I saw one guy wearing a throwback yellow LeBron jersey. As we looked through the lines of people, I began to see more people wearing LeBron jerseys scattered among the masses. This got me pumped with pride. I was not alone at all.

At the entrance, we passed through a metal detector, and I set foot for the very first time inside an NBA sports complex. The place was buzzing with activity. The concession stands were hard at work, people were waiting to get to the elevators, and the TV monitors showed the final minutes of the Cardinals-Packers playoff game. Other TV screens were showing the Blazers and Cavs logos next to each other. It felt so surreal. Here I was, in Portland, just a few hours from home, and tonight, this one special night during the whole year, my team, the Cavaliers, were coming all the way from Cleveland to play an NBA game in this very building! And I was going to see it all!

To be continued...

Now there's a title that's sure to guarantee that there's a very intriguing fanpost below. Forget fanposts about the Olympics, Valentine's Day, the All-Star Weekend, Cavs trade rumors, and boring stuff like that.

As a kid, I loved Tom and Jerry. The music was wonderful, the slapstick was funny, and the cartoon format worked great. One day, I saw Tom and Jerry: The Movie. In a nutshell, it was...off. It didn't make any attempt to capture the spirit or humor of the cartoon show, opting instead to spin an entirely different adventure-type plot. But even more disturbing, Tom and Jerry TALK in that movie. Makes you wonder if the name "Tom and Jerry" was just slapped on for marketing purposes, since the filmmakers clearly weren't interested in the characters.

Now what on earth does this have to do with the Cleveland Cavaliers? One thing I enjoy when it comes to a list of teams or players in any competition, be it sports or fighting video games or whatever, is giving each team a theme song. Now, the one thing I remember most from Tom and Jerry: The Movie was its soundtrack. There are six cheesy songs in the movie, each sung by different characters, as if each character gets their own theme. Listening to them, I started thinking about assigning each song to an NBA team. I made each choice depending on the mood of the song, and matching it with my feelings towards that team and its fanbase. It turned out to be a lot of fun. Sometimes I play a team's theme song whenever I visit their SBNation blog.

The first song is "Friends to the End". Tom and Jerry sing in this song, and judging by the title, it's your typical song for a protagonist. Since the Cavs are the only good guys in the NBA, this song belongs exclusively to them:

The second song is "What do We Care". A gang of alley cats sing this one, and it's nasty, rough, and mean-spirited. This song is best-suited for a team that has lots of animosity towards us, both the team and the fanbase. I'm talking lots of trash-talking and whining. Like Washington. Or Atlanta:

The third song is "Money is such a beautiful word". You can tell right away this is the main antagonist's song. There's no team this song belongs to more than the Los Angeles Lakers. The team and their fans are just like the antagonists of the movie: rich, spoiled, entrenched, greedy, and supremely confident:

The fourth song is "I Miss You". It's the token somber song. I can imagine teams like the Clippers, New Jersey, and Minnesota singing it. They've been drowning in sorrow and despair all season. LA misses Elton Brand, New Jersey misses Jason Kidd, and Minnesota misses Kevin Garnett:

The fifth song is "God's Little Creatures". It's another evil song about getting rich, but this bad guy is way more comical and way less threatening. This song is good for the Boston Celtics, huge villains but currently on the decline:

The sixth and final song is "I've Done it All". It involves a character singing about his life story as a theater performer. If he were an NBA team, he'd be the Orlando Magic or Phoenix Suns, who like to show off with their insane ability to shoot threes and score lots of points in hurry: 

One more thing: If you are interested, I would not recommend seeing Tom and Jerry: the Movie. It works for kids in elementary school, but anyone older probably won't be amused by it. Tom and Jerry was a kid's show to begin with, but it found a way to touch all audiences. People who grew up with Tom and Jerry will not enjoy this movie because of how far off it skews from what we remember from the classic cartoon.

Same uniforms, different teams. Led by some outstanding offense from LeBron James and JJ Hickson, the Cleveland Cavaliers silenced the Orlando Magic, ending their stretch toward the All-Star break on an all-time high.

The first quarter was a grind, with plenty of fouls and lots of LeBron finding an open JJ Hickson for the jam. TNT commentators said that he's been taking lessons from Shaq, and it's showing, because he's developed into a dominating presence close to the basket. Unfortunately, the warning signs were already in place that Shaq wasn't going to dominate Howard in this game.

The second quarter featured the typical action that makes me loathe the Magic more than any other team: Magic players catching the ball and instantly shooting a 3...and it goes in for no reason. It didn't help that we weren't playing our best perimeter defense. Sometimes we got a hand in the face of Magic shooter...most of the time we didn't.

The third quarter was what I feared the most. The Magic would always seem to rattle us in the third quarter, and tonight our defense started the second half extremely rusty. Orlando led by 7 at one point...but the Cavs came back down the stretch and eventually outscored the Magic 21 to 20. It was at that point that I was sure we would win this game, that this year is different.

The fourth quarter was again shaky. Orlando took the lead midway through the quarter. But then, the Cavs' trademark defense began to get the best of Orlando. Shaq and LeBron went to work and got back the lead. And then...

Delonte West hit a 3 pointer, giving the Cavs a 7 point lead with 3:23 to go. And that? Was the "I'M BACK!" shot for D West.

It was over by then. Oh, it wasn't officially over, but you knew it was over. That 3 pointer broke the backs of the Magic, and in less than 2 minutes, the Cavs scored 9 points, putting the Cavs up by 14 with 1:10 to go.

Go home a winner.

Rather than list the top Cavs performances like I normally do, I'm going to list the keys to our victory:

JJ Hickson: With him on the floor, the Magic had another athletic, fast, young forward to contend with. They just didn't know it. When they double teamed LeBron, he passed to Hickson for a layup, alley-oop, or slam dunk. Hickson finished with 20 points on 9-14 shooting. He was a great second option as a scorer, and that is needed when we play the Magic.

The Cleveland bench: Anderson Varejao was his usual energetic self, amassing 16 points. Delonte West had a great game coming back from injury with 8 points, including two 3 pointers. And our bench still could have played better. Moon took only one shot, a 3 pointer in the 4th,  Jawad was unusually bad tonight, and Ilguaskas didn't play very good defense. Had 6 points though.

The Magic roleplayers: Thank goodness the Magic roster is different from what it was last year. Instead of having to deal with feared players like Courtney Lee, Turkey Glue, and Rafer Alston, we were now playing against an absolute joke in Jameer Nelson (4-14, 1-5 3 PM-A, -11). He clearly hasn't been himself since before his injury. But the most laughable performance tonight came from Vince Carter. Vinsanity is the dumbest word I've ever heard of, because it doesn't exist. Carter can't shoot. He missed all his three pointers and finished 5-16 and -21, the worst of either team. We are so lucky the Magic did what they did to acquire him.

Stan Van Gundy: He isn't blameless in the Magic loss. Why didn't he play Jason Williams more? "White Chocolate" killed us in the second quarter with three straight long range shots. He had 10 points in just 8 minutes. But he only played 8 minutes for the rest of the game.

Anyway, enough about the Magic. We're off for a week. Time to Par Tay!

What happens when the best team in the NBA plays against the worst team in the NBA?

The result is not surprising in the least. But the game wasn't as easy as we would have liked, as Brook Lopez, Jarvis Hayes, and former (and still despised, at least by me) Magic guard Courtney Lee were poised for an upset. They put up impressive numbers and refused to miss. But the New Jersey Nets are the Nets for a reason, and the rest of the roster didn't provide enough help. By contrast, the Cleveland Cavaliers, as resourceful as we know and love, got a solid performance from their role players that helped put the Cavs at arms' length in the second half and prevented the Nets from ever getting too close again. Jamario Moon and Anthony Parker had themselves some steals that led to crowd-pleasing fast break points, and Shaquille O'Neal and JJ Hickson were as monstrous a presence inside as ever. Only Ilgauskas had a bad night, scoring a measly two points on 1-10 shooting. I defend Ilgauskas rigorously when his trade is brought up, but it's hard to argue his case on a night like this.

Your top three Cavs performances:

LeBron James: 13-21, 32 points, 11 assists, 5-9 FT shooting, 42 minutes. In the first half, the CAVS carried LEBRON. I'm serious. We were -1 with him on the floor and +6 with him on the bench. But he did a great job getting teammates involved and engineering entertaining alley-oops. There really is no charismatic basketball sensation like him.

Jawad Williams: 6-12, 3-5 3PM-A, 17 points, 3 rebounds, 28 minutes. For most of the unappealing first quarter, we trailed the Nets by at least 4 points. Jawad's 3 pointer that came right after Moon's brought us to within 1 in the final minute, and provided a huge momentum swing and spark for the Cavs. Immediately LeBron made a steal and almost gave the Cavs a lead. He didn't, but you knew the game was going to get better from thereon out.

Anderson Varejao: 6-7, 15 points, 9 rebounds, 2 steals, 34 minutes. The Nets were trying to prove they weren't scared of the Cavs, but when they tried to be aggressive, Varejao pushed back. He hustled after loose balls and was in the Nets' faces on almost every missed shot. He bumped his way to four personal fouls. Opposing teams may not like him (and Mark Jackson says his job is not to make friends) but we love him for this.

Our next guest is the Orlando Magic in a possible preview of the Eastern Conference Finals. I say Bring Em On. We've won twelve straight games, more than any team in the NBA. We're as ready for these goons as we can possibly be.

You know, it's not easy being a fan of the best team in the NBA.

(bursts out laughing)

Yeah it is. But what's maddening about watching the Cleveland Cavaliers play is that every one of their opponents will pour their heart into the game. They see the game as an opportunity to put aside their woes, come to play with no pressure or expectations, and upset the top seeded team. They will play the entire game 100% on fumes. They will circle their game against the Cavs on their calendar, with dreams in their head of marking it off as a big win. It's exasperating that teams do this, but that's what happens. And of course the Cavs can't be expected to play with 100% precision 100% of the time. As a result, you will get nights where the Cavs play wonderfully, but cannot maintain their perfection the entire game. Still, they do what it takes to win, and the next day, all that matters is who walked away with the W.

Yes, the Cavs blew a 20 point lead and turned a 72 point first half into a less overwhelming 113 point game against the Knicks. But really, is it going to matter tomorrow? Tonight we reached 42 wins. We're close to reaching the record we had last year. No one played poorly. The only complaint I have is why we didn't play JJ Hickson more. He had 10 points in 15 minutes. Did something happen that I missed?

The Top Three Cavs Performances:

LeBron James: 17-31, 6-12 3PM-A, 47 points, 8 rebounds, 8 assists, 5 steals. The Knicks had no way of defending him, and a part of me wants to think that they didn't mind him putting up so many points. In any case, they would have to live with it, because LeBron gets what he wants when his inner flame burns bright enough.

Anthony Parker: 4-6, 2-3 3PM-A, 11 points, 31 minutes. Though he didn't win his duel with Danilo Gallinari, he put up the kind of shooting performance we've missed from him in January.

Shaquille O'Neal: 8-13 3-5 FTM-A, 19 points, 3 blocks, 26 minutes. How helpless were the Knicks against Shaq? They couldn't even get the Big Fella in foul trouble. Shaq committed a perfect 0 FOULS all game long.

Up next? The 4-win New Jersey Nets. Flee, flee for your lives!!!!

Well, it seems there's a fad going around, and it's called predicting your team's record at the end of the month. I was originally going to do that for our long home-game stretch, but we're halfway through it. So I'll just expand it to when we travel to Boston.

vs. NY Knicks

This won't be an attempt by the Knicks to audition for LeBron. Know why? Because everyone watching knows LeBron wouldn't join the Knicks because they're a better team. He'd join them because of the city they play in. Why else does the free agent talk only come up when the Cavs play at MSG? Outcome: Strong Cavs win

 vs. New Jersey

No one wants to play the Nets. It's very stressful playing this team. After all, everyone dreads the idea of losing and joining the razor-thin list of teams that have succumbed to the Nets! Outcome: Weak Cavs win

vs. Orlando

Yes, the Magic were playing without Rashard Lewis when we went into Orlando and routed the Magic. And since then, our offense has become much better coordinated and Shaq has fully integrated himself into the lineup. Vince Carter hasn't produced as much success for the Magic. And we're playing at home. Yes, we won't have Mo, but we should have Delonte.  Folks, even the Witnesses were able to beat this team in their own building. Outcome: Moderate Cavs win

vs. Denver

Now our schedule gets tougher, starting with a big challenge against the team that I think is the best in the west. They've already ran over the Lakers twice this season. Sometimes I wonder whether the Nuggets play better with Carmelo Anthony off the floor. Since we lost by 2 in Denver as a result of playing a poor offensive game, I'm going to give us the edge. Outcome: Very weak Cavs win

@ Charlotte

Oh dear. We still haven't figured this team out. Larry Brown has turned them into an eyesore for any team that plays them. Their defense has given us a lot of problems and their offense makes their games not much fun to watch. I don't know if Gerald Wallace will play in this game. If he does, it will be a weak Cavs loss. If he doesn't, it will be a weak Cavs win. After all, without him, the Bobcats couldn't do what they normally do...beat the Lakers.

@ Orlando

I really have no idea what will happen in this game. None. I think it depends very much on what happens in Charlotte. It also depends what the Magic do before they host us. For example, if they beat the Celtics on Sunday, that could be a huge confidence booster for them. And I don't think Mo Williams will be ready even by then. Outcome: N/A

vs. New Orleans

Chris Paul is what makes the Hornets go...and he will not play in this game due to a knee injury. Outcome: Moderate Cavs win

...which will then bring us to Boston. It's hard to see us going undefeated in this stretch. I would expect one or two losses, but no more than that.