At the Caps-Pens game a couple weeks ago, the lady in front of us was only too happy to show off her "Crosby Sucks/Malkin Swallows" shirt. It reminded me of the urinal stickers with Crosby's face someone passed out at the playoffs last year or the year before.

I know ad hominem yo-mama jokes and suggestions about an opposing fan's parentage and their possible sexual relations with livestock are part of the sandlot mentality of sports and will never leave, but there's this line I've seen crossed lately that has me equal parts disgusted and confused.

Ignore the fact that her shirt (and others like it) are blatantly, offensively homophobic. Ignore for a second that she probably has children Crosby or Malkin's age and would be livid if they were treated similarly.

Focus instead on the fact that the slogan on her shirt has nothing to do with the game--is so jump-the-shark, in fact, that you can't even classify it as a good taunt.

It's such a lame, straw-man kind of character assassination that it does nothing but point out how poorly the wearer/taunter understands hockey--probably all sports--and certainly the concept of sportsmanship. If we're going to go that far in the Not Relevant Insults Sweepstakes, why don't we just break the good old racist, ethnic, and religious slurs out of the trunk? It makes about as much sense.

Lord knows I'm not a prude and I've got a potty-mouth problem at games. But, please, ignorant fans, leave your weird, off-target shirts, stickers, and jeers at home. Or, better yet, don't buy into them in the first place. If you want to rant, there's plenty of material right there on the ice.

Thanks, I feel better now.

Apologies if this has been posted before, I couldn't find it on a search.

John Buccigross again redeems all of ESPN with a classic hockey post, an adaptation of Sandler's Chanukah Song:

(full post http://espn.go.com/nhl/notebook/_/page/buccigross_091208/back-hakan-hanukkah-song)

This is a song that, uh ... there's a lot of Norwegian songs out there, but not too many about Hakan Loob and Swedish hockey players. So, I wrote a song for all those nice Swedish kids who don't get to hear any Swedish hockey songs. Here we go ...

Put on some ABBA-kah,
Here comes Hakan-Hanukkah!
So much Swedish-funukah,
To celebrate Hakan-Hanukkah!

Hakan-Hanukkah is a festival of ice
Instead of one night of hockey, we have 180 craaaazy nights.
But, when you feel like the only kid in town without a Synergy,
Here's a list of people who are Swedish, just like Doug Murray

Henrik Lundqvist's hair, is like grass called Kakuya,
There's a dude on the Devils named Johnny Oduya,
Guess who eats crayfish at a bistro in Malmo?
Fabian Brunnstrom, Fredrik Sjostrom and ex-Oiler Tommy Salo
Victor Hedman's rookie card is something worth collectin',
So is Kent and Ulf Nilsson's and Pelle Eklund's.

Swedish names are awesome, and Swedish names are fun,
There's a Nik Backstrom in Minny, and one in Washington!
One's Swedish!

Put on your ABBA-kah,
It's time for Hakan-Hanukkah!
The ex-captain of the Vancouver Canuck-anukkahs, celebrates Hakan-Hanukkah!
Saku Koivu, not a Swede!
But guess who is? Hakan's older brother Pete (he scored one goal in nine NHL games)
Peter Forsberg has bad feet, but he still likes a dancin',
So do Roger, Mathias, Calle, Bjorn and Andreas Johansson!
Mike Grier's not from Sweden, nor Dainius Zubrus
But Niclas Wallin, two Sedins and Hakan Loob is!

So many Swedes are in the NHL,
There's a dude in Chicago named Hjalmarsson.
Now that's announcer hell!

Tell your friend Per-onica,
It's time for Hakan-Hanukkah!
I hope I get new Graf-onikahs
On this lovely Hakan-Hanukkah!
So drink your cold Fal-connika
And play 18 with Annika
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy Hakan-Hanukkah!

Happy Hakan-Hanukkah!

I'm feeling a little punchy after last night's game and losing sleep trying to read Colin Campbell's mind from hundreds of miles away, so I'm going to waste some cyberspace here. Haikus seem an appropriate way to capture last night's epic fail by Keith Ballard, so...

From Vokoun to Ballard:

Ballard. Frustrated.
Please keep your head in the game
Not mine on the ice

Ballard:

Got beat on the play.
I hate this goal post. Wait, what?
Decapitation.

Not that I get my hockey news from Time magazine, but someone sent this article about the history of the mask to me yesterday - http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1934325,00.html

The last sentence of the article: "While the NHL has required all players wear helmets beginning with the draft class of 1979, there's still no rule forcing goalies to wear masks."

I'm not a rules maven, but this seems hard to believe (esp. when you know play is halted when a goalie loses his mask in the course of the action). Can anyone straighten this out?