SB Nation User Blog: WhiteSpeedReceiver

Great Moments in Gopher Recruiting History

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 20:15:41 -0000

Russ Archambault (2.7 PPG, 1.0 APG, 0.7 RPG, 0.1 BPG, 0.3 SPG, 1 program crippling admission), while hosting All-Everything high school star Khalid El-Amin of Minneapolis North, decides to get into a fight with the high school phenom over his potentially lost playing time.

El-Amin went on to win a National Championship with the University of Connecticut, scoring 13.8 PPG and chipping in 3.9 APG in 1998-1999.

Archambault did not win a National Championship.

Tubby Leaving to Lead Cardinals?

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:58:27 -0000

Thinking they were out of the woods after Virginia hired Tony Bennett, Gopher fans will be very disappointed to learn that Head Coach Tubby Smith is considering an offer to become the head coach of the College of Cardinals. This would obviously be a surprising move, because the once-powerful Cardinals have been declining in popularity for about 50 years. Eugênio de Araújo Sales, senior member of the Cardinals, said today that Tubby's aggressive style and fiery gameday demeanor would bring something that's been lacking for a very long time to the pious group: the ability to keep younger people interested and older people awake.

This is by no means a done deal, however. If Tubby has reservations about the 82 year-old Williams Arean being too old, one would imagine that the coach would be frightened by moving to the 383 year old St. Peter's Basilica for his home games.

Big Ten Previews: Wisconsin Baseball

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 19:38:51 -0000

The UW Baseball Field, the most beautiful place in Madison.

It looks like it's going to be another tough spring for Wisconsin baseball. Having not won a game since 1991, it looks like the streak will continue through this year as well. When asked about his team's chances this year, Coach Steve Land screamed at me to get off his lawn and something about there not being a team any more. It seems to this intrepid reporter that he was simply re-focusing his anger toward me because his team has finshed last in the Big Ten for 17 straight years, soon to be 18.

Coming soon, my review of Milton College's spring football practice.

Iowa Football - Preseason #2

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:35:44 -0000

Congratulations, Hawk fans. Your team is #2 in the preseason preview for the Fulmer Memorial Cup, behind West Virginia and ahead of Alabama. It's a pretty lofty ranking, but you guys have shown recently that you're a scrappy bunch ready for the spot. Other Big Ten teams included in the Top 10 were Wisconsin and Michigan, while Ohio State and Minnesota were blatently overlooked.

http://www.miamihawktalk.com/home/news/story/9253/

Good luck guys, I hope you win. Now I need to get back to crying and carving "55-0" into my arm.

Do you like Chaos?

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 13:58:32 -0000

There's a possibility we could be looking at a BCS Meltdown scenario where neither of the teams in the championship game have won their conference. There are a few interesting things that need to happen, but it's possible.

- Oregon State wins the Civil War
- Florida State beats Florida
- Texas Tech beats Oklahoma
- Florida beats Alabama in the SECCG
- Mizzou beats Texas Tech in the BXIICG

If that happens the next two teams up are USC and Texas (according to the current BCS rankings. If that happens, get ready for the bobbleheads at the 4 letters to start yapping about a playoff.

A Friendly Reminder

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 15:09:03 -0000

* Since 1950, The University of Minnesota has the same amount of National Championships in football as the skunk helmets from Ann Arbor: 1.

* The Victors is a terrible song. They are not the champions of the west, they are not conqu'ring heroes, and they are certainly not the leaders or the best.

* They stole Princeton's helmets and didn't cite their work.

* Also, it has been brought to my attention that Ann Arbor is a whore.

Bowl Eligibility Shakedown, Week 8

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:39:18 -0000

Penn St. (8-0, 4-0)

Ohio St. (7-1, 4-0)

Michigan St. (6-2, 3-1)

Minnesota (6-1, 2-1)

Northwestern (6-1, 2-1)

Good Position

Iowa (5-3, 2-2) Games @ Ill, vs. PSU, vs. Purdue, @ MN. The Squawkeyes should thank whatever it is they pray to for Purdue.

Illinois (4-3, 2-2) Games @ UW, vs. Iowa, @ WMU, vs. OSU, and @ Northwestern. They should be in, but nothing is given for a team coached by [REDACTED]

Work to do

Wisconsin (3-4, 0-4) Games @ ILL, @ MSU, @ IU, vs. MN, vs. Cal Poly. If they don't beat Minnesota, they're probably on the outside looking in.

Better Luck Next Year

Michigan (2-5, 1-2) 2 losses put them out of bowl contention. Michigan St., Minnesota, and Ohio State should provide 3.

Purdue (2-5, 0-3) I said they quit 3 weeks ago. I was wrong. They put up a valiant fight against Ohio St. before packing it in. The Old Oaken Bucket game shouldn't be televised, for the sake of the children.

Indiana (2-5, 0-4) I feel bad for them. I honestly do. It's just not fair. To lose Terry Hoeppner was tragic. To replace him with Bill Lynch was criminal.

Tuesday Schaudenfreude

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 12:55:32 -0000

The University of Michigan claims that they are better than us, the poor slobs of the world. They claim there is a "Michigan Difference." They claim that their players are "Michigan Men," some sort of mythical being that is superior to the average football player. But he truth is that Michigan has a 1/2 more National Titles than Minnesota during my dad's lifetime. Their 106,201 fans that pack Michigan Stadium make a night at the Ordway seem rowdy. Jim Harbaugh, one of their own, blasted the alleged academic superiority of their student-athletes. Last year, while being ranked #5, they lost to Appalachian St., a 1-AA team that was visiting the Big House. It was starting to look like things couldn't get any worse.

Fortunately, they now have this man leading them.

via blog.mlive.com

Tuesday Schaudenfreude

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:55:25 -0000

This week's Tuesday Schaudenfreude comes to us from Madison, WI courtesy of Ohio State's Terrelle Pryor.

via www1.pictures.gi.zimbio.com

Ohio State thwarting the (National Title) (Big Ten) (Rose Bowl) unrealistic hopes of Badger fans. You can almost see the tears of #2 in the background. It's beautiful. Coming in a close second was Iowa and it Jug effort against Michigan State to get closer to bowl eligibility. Check back next week for more shameful joy at the expense of teams we hate.

Note: Strikethrough isn't working, so I had to use parethesiseses.

Monday Positivity

WhiteSpeedReceiver — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:53:18 -0000

Right now, the Gophers are 5-1 (1-1). That alone is reason for positivity. But here's some more: Human College Football Computer Phil Steele (Humanity's only hope against Skynet) is predicting that the Gophers will finish the Big Ten 4-4, tied with Northwestern and Michigan St in a logjam in the middle.

A quick show of hands: Who here had the Gophers at 8-4 at the beginning of the year? Make sure you point out if you were a complete homer or drunk.