Dear GLBers,

Oh, man.  It's been so long since I've done one of these.  I almost called it Smells Like Padres in Here.  I'll bet that makes your heart ache for days gone by.  

Anyway, guess what???  I went on a road trip this past weekend and guess where I went???  Somewhere with a beach and great weather?  NO.  Somewhere exotic and mysterious?  NO.  Somewhere I could watch the Padres get swept in the Upper Midwest?  YES!!!

As a frequent visitor to Minnesota, this was not my first time visiting Target Field.  But it WAS the first time I've visited Target Field to see the Padres suck like always...I mean...play some good old fashioned baseball!  I like this stadium very much.  For many reasons. 

If you want to enjoy your trip to Target Field, I highly suggest attending with a smokin' hot Twins fan disguised as a Padres fan who also happens to model the latest in trendy blog wear.  But you'll have to find your own, as this one is spoken for.

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The last couple of weeks have exhausted me.  I know, I know.  It's stupid to get sucked into all this rumor and innuendo, but I can't change that now.  It's too hard to figure out whose side I'm on now.  I no longer know.  I can't eat.  I can't sleep.  The Padres are ruining my life and I had to figure out a way to stop it.

So I did what I always do when life is getting me down.

I searched through all the mix CDs that Drama is always sending me and tried to locate the one song that best represents what's been going on in PadreLand.  One that really speaks to the situation.  One with a beat you can dance to.

And I think I found it.  And after I composed a riveting photo narrative to accompany it, I felt much better.

I hope it makes you feel better, too.

Tim Sullivan apparently decided to wait until the off-season to write his best columns.  This one on Peavy is excellent.  I thought his assessment of how the front office is laying all this out to the public is right on and the fact that he called DePodesta  Alderson's consigliore made me giggle.

But I thought this was the part that he really nailed:

Yet the real issue here is not front office flexibility, but fans' faith. Time after time, the Padres have signed key players to long-term contracts only to develop buyer's remorse before the ink dries. When your foundation is forever in flux, your customers may be prone to cynicism.

Several folks around here have wondered why we'd be so upset at the prospect of trading Peavy if it makes the team better and I think Sullivan's observation is right on the money.  I'm not against trading Peavy if it makes the team better - but when the team is forever in flux and changing strategies every couple of years, it gets old.  And tired.  And disheartening. 

And when the consigliore spins his awesome little stories about how great it will be when we trade Peavy because we're going to get so much in return but fails to mention the real reasons why it's happening and pretends like this was the plan all along, it feels a bit insulting.  I understand why it needs to be done now, but don't dress it up for anything more than it is.

We didn't have a slogan this year because the Padres were too busy planning for a 99 loss season to come up with one.  But I think Sullivan just gave them the '09 slogan.

Go Padres!  Forever in Flux!

It seems like forever since we've had any fun around here.  We lost 100 games*.  We finished in last place.  The Dodgers won the NL West.  We kept our manager.  Our hitting coach turned out to be a quitter/rogue agent.   John and Becky can't get along.  The organization wants their two dollars from Lane Khalil.  And, as a result, there's been nothing to get excited over, nothing to have a little fun with.

Dex and jbox lamented last season that GLB was better when the Padres sucked because then nobody would take anything serious and we'd all have a lot more fun.**  Hey, guess what?  That didn't happen this season.  We all turned into a bunch of sour, moping whiners.

So I know the season is over - as is next season - but, dammit, we're gonna have fun today.

Here's your challenge:  create a caption to go with the photo down below.  To the winner, I will donate my year's salary that Dex and jbox graciously pay me for doing SLPiH.  (I got a raise this yr, so, seriously - this is a good deal.)

Have fun, you sour, moping whiners.

*99 is pretty much the same as 100 and 100 sounds better/worse.

**paraphrasing - too lazy to look up actual post.

It's over.  It's over.  It's over.  It's over.

Sullivan on the return of Giles.  Sullivan also shows us that it appears that Bud is not really on board.

Odds and ends:  Heat still wants to stay and Hensley might be exiled to the Reds.

Luigi is retiring.

I hope the bloodletting starts early today, but I think Axion was right when he said that Sandy will probably wait a day or two, just to mess with us.

And so we finish a truly meaningless season in Padres history.  Goodbye, Padres.   I hope to never see a roster that looks like this ever again.  Except I know that I probably will next season.

I'm not sure what will happen with SLPiH next year.  With the advent of the 2.0, I'm not sure it's necessary any longer.  I'll think about it during the off-season.  Or maybe Sandy will fire me today and the choice won't be mine.  Regardless, I want to say I'm looking forward to Spring Training, but I haven't washed the taste of this season out of my mouth yet...

And I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Over and over and over and over
Over and over, la ...
I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real...

"The Padres look to Sandy Alderson to tell them how to celebrate properly within the organization's philosophical guidelines so that they don't get it wrong."

First off, I apologize for yesterday's cat photo.  That was unnecessary and uncalled for.  I'm not sure what came over me.  It won't happen again.

Padres beat the Dodgers.  Except no one cares because the Dodgers had already won the NL West and we've pretty much wasted our shot at 100 losses.  Disgusting season, please end.  (On the bright side - hahahahahahahahahaha Arizona.)

By virtue of LA winning the division, we get a better player for Maddux.

The Pirates arrive in San Diego tonight to close out the season.  Josh Geer takes on Ian Snell.  If MLB cared at all about the game of baseball, they would cancel this series.  "Game" time is 7:05pm PDT.

(I can't believe this season has driven me to the point that I'm posting cat pictures.  I hate you, Padres.)

I'm gonna go ahead and disagree with Sandy.  I think the Padres are unified in a single philosophy.  The philosophy of suck.

"Towers declined to comment when asked if manager Bud Black and his coaching staff will return."  But then he drew a finger across his throat in an ugly slashing motion and pointed to a picture of Bud Black and made his hand look like a pistol, aimed at the photo, and kept dropping his thumb like it was the hammer.  And then he blew on his index finger.  So who knows.

Jake Peavy takes on Greg Maddux tonight.  Jake loves Greg.  Greg is Jake's mentor.  Jake will probably get too amped up and give up a lot of runs early.  PITTSBURGH HERE WE COME!!!  Game time is 7:10pm PDT.

Padres decide to finally listen to Wally and just quit early.

Sullivan on Joyner's resignation.  On the bright side, it sure looks like Bud is a goner.

Jake is excited to pitch on Thursday.

Shawn Estes takes on Clayton Kershaw tonight.  Maybe the players will refuse to take the field in support of Wally, bring out picket signs and stuff.  That is the only way this game would be interesting.  Game time is 7:10pm PDT.

The Savior is still learning.

I can't believe there aren't any Padres on this list.  I would've just listed the entire roster.

Wade LeBlanc takes on Chad Billingsley tonight in LA.  This is a no win series for us.  Win a couple of games and 100 losses becomes unattainable.  Lose a couple of games and the Dodgers will probably clinch a playoff birth.  Baseball is so stupid.  Game time is 7:10pm PDT.

Blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Off day today.

THE EPIC FIGHT BEGINS TONIGHT!!!

The series you've been waiting for is here, boys and girls.  Get ready to rock and roll this weekend!

Krasovic talks about The Strasburg Sweepstakes in today's U-T.   When did we first start discussing this?  June?  So the U-T is relavant and contemporary like always.

I'm not sure who around here remembers Lyman Bostock, but this is a truly excellent piece about his life and his murder.

In the series of suck opener, Jake Peavy takes on Collin Balester.  I won't lie to you.  This one has me worried.  I hope Peavy went out and got totally drunk last night in some Georgetown bar.  The Battle for Suckpremacy begins at 4:35pm PDT.

Tragic Number is five.  If I took the Padres to court and charged them with no longer caring and charged the manager with having lost his team, I would present this game as evidence.  Then I would put Bud Black up on the stand and I would scream at him "I WANT THE TRUTH!" and he would blink a couple of times, nod thoughtfully and say "The truth is a tricky thing.  I think the truth is what we all want.  We're just trying to figure out how to figure it out."  Then the bailiff would have to pry my hands from his neck.

Hundley can throw.  (Can't hit, though.)

Remember when we were all pissed that we missed on Fukudome?  Now, maybe we were actually the winners.

Off day today, as the team gears up for the monumental series of suck versus the Nationals that begins tomorrow.  Who cares the least?   Who sucks the most?  Which manager is most inept?  Which bullpen will roll out a corpse first?  Tune in tomorrow for those answers and some really, really awful baseball.

The Padres crushed the Rockies last night.  This would've been such a great win, say, last October 1st.  Now it just keeps our "magic number" Tragic Number at 7.

Shawn Estes wants to pitch next year.  I have no problem with that.  As long as it's for someone else.

Everybody can relax now.  Cha Cha is okay.

We're jinxing the Rays.  We just shouldn't support any team.

Estes takes on Ubaldo Jimenez tonight.  I always thought his name was Uvaldo.  Weird.  The titanic clash begins at 5:35pm PDT.

Our "magic number" is seven.  I am starting to believe.

Cha Cha hurt his arm.

The Padres travel to Colorado today.  Wade LeBlanc will take on Greg Reynolds.  Man, I wish it was one year ago and this game mattered.  2007 was so much better.  Right up until October 1st, it was so much better.  "Game" time is 5:35pm PDT.

(Yeah, I know this is short, but seriously - baseball season is over for us and everyone is going to be talking about this today.)

Way to go, Padres.  Way to rack up a meaningless win.  (Plus, Drama will be taking all the credit for this win.)  I already know what's gonna happen.  You're gonna end up with 98 or 99 losses.  Such a waste of a season in every way.  (Nice to see Matt Cain get shelled, though.)

Bud says there will be no tanking.  Like he'd be awake to see it anyway.

Chip Ambres used to be a quarterback.

Vote for Adrian!

Sullivan actually gets critical of Moores.  And working off the whole "phantom" idea - wouldn't it be great if the Petco music guys flashed Moores' picture on the scoreboard every night and played the Phantom of the Opera song?  And then they could cut to his luxury box and he'd either be there or he wouldn't be there.  This would be awesome.

Jake Peavy vs. Jonathan Sanchez tonight.  I would watch but I'll be staring out my window, watching for the outer bands of Hurricane Ike that the Dallas media is so hoping will reach us.  Couple of inches or rain and some cool breezes are more likely, I think.  Game time is 7:05pm PDT.