SB Nation User Blog: Yadi2Second

[Jarrett]'s excited. This could be a new life for him.

Yadi2Second — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:12:10 -0000

[Jarrett]'s excited. This could be a new life for him.

Johnny Lee Hoffpauir, father of The Hoff

"We just found out this evening," Johnny Lee said. "He was dropped from the 40-man, which meant that he had to clear waivers before he could go back to the minors.
...
"It’s going to be a new start for him, which is good. St. Louis is a big-market team that is going to look to the free agent market a lot. This backs up their minor league guys a lot. There’s kind of a clog in the Cardinals’ middle infield right now."

More here and in comments. Organization ftw.

Pujols wins MLBPA NL Outstanding Player on Mike and Mike

Yadi2Second — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:38:03 -0000

Pujols wins MLBPA NL Outstanding Player on Mike and Mike

Audio of Albert Pujols accepting his award. The maching talks some shop re: trying to hit Cliff Lee's pitching. Props to fellow offensive performers, our own badass starters, and Tony La Russa and Mark McGwire.

Wainwright Wins MLBPA NL Outstanding Pitcher honor on Mike and Mike

Yadi2Second — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:13:03 -0000

Wainwright Wins MLBPA NL Outstanding Pitcher honor on Mike and Mike

Audio of the padawan Wainwright as he confirms that he is badass, and that Carpenter did sit him down and fix his mechanics. And oh, Dave Duncan helped his mental game. Props to Jo-El.

Also has the AL Award (Zack Greinke).

Yesterday: http://www.vivaelbirdos.com/2009/10/27/1103609/carpenter-wins-mlbpa-nl-comeback

Carpenter Wins MLBPA NL Comeback honor on Mike and Mike

Yadi2Second — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:03:13 -0000

Carpenter Wins MLBPA NL Comeback honor on Mike and Mike

Audio of Chris Carpenter on Mike and Mike on ESPN. Covers the comeback; the postseason; props to the teammates; Tony La Russa; and Mark McGwire. Also lists his hometown charity.

Next day: http://www.vivaelbirdos.com/2009/10/28/1104673/wainwright-wins-mlbpa-nl

Everyone in here comes to the yard ready to play every day. I’ll take this group, any day until the ...

Yadi2Second — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 05:35:34 -0000

Everyone in here comes to the yard ready to play every day. I’ll take this group, any day until the day I die.

Ryan Ludwick, on whether the Cardinals lost their edge

Security: Not Just for Kiss-Cams

Yadi2Second — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:31:33 -0000

Security: Not Just for Kiss-Cams

A geeky press release I stumbled upon in an unrelated search. (May have annoying ads/cookies.)

Or why laser pointers, beer-dousers, and ball-tossers don't linger long among the "best fans in baseball".

When You Think Your Protection Has Broken

Yadi2Second — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:07:14 -0000

There are no stats in this fanpost.

It's not going to be particularly witty or moving, because I waited till the gloom of "dawn" to take the edge off, so you're better off reading Fritz's existential creed. It's horribly tl;dr, and it was likely shorter by a thousand words and a lot better at 2 am. Whole thing is 2500+ words. Jump down to the ‡ header if you want (350 words).

But I'm going to post it anyway, because years from now I'm going to misremember the faces, the names, the feeling of the whole thing, and I'll have to do a search on SBN from the dashboard of my flying car, and find they converted it all to texting-speak.

What I want to recall is this: I bought this ticket in late July, and this is the ride they promised.

Of all the general anxieties and anger and guarded optimism of finding out that 1) Hardcore Legend is not his real name, 2) Mozeliak's balls dropped, the one I was most worried about was how the new guys would fit into the team. They had not gone through spring training with the Cardinals. They were inserted into a mix of guys who'd come up through the system or been mentored by the system – a club where a flamethrowing reliever could tell a new callup that Prince Fielder charges the plate like a dump truck because that reliever used to be a catcher in the minors. Where old friends can switch gloves because they both have Gold ones. Where the average outfielder has paid his dues and might, at any time of day or night, be stuck in the infield and forced to like it.

The new guys had enough time to be put through their paces on the field. La Russa put the team through the Spring Training basics before they boarded the charter to L.A. There would be shakiness all the way around, but there was no doubt that this was one team, together, punching their ticket to October baseball.

Long live the Man Stew.

The chemistry part was a freakishly good fit. Matthew, Mark, Lugo, and John. Mark DeRosa was an instant hit. He made Colby smile, for heaven's sake (may he be Stoic in the Outfield for many years to come). Infamous malcontent Julio Lugo was instantly befriended by Albert Pujols, and boom, his Death Glare was on our side. John Smoltz was who I was worried about the most. Yet in the last week, even he stopped mentioning the "storyline" every time he spontaneously denied being worried about the storyline. Smotzl seemed genuinely happy to be playing, anywhere, not taking for granted the chance to blow bubbles with his Number One Official Fan Club, aka the Cardinals dugout.

They were doing the work on the field. They were hungry to get with the program. (Yes, that was Julio Lugo getting rid of a baseball in time to beat a runner. You didn't imagine that.)

I thought Matt Holliday would be the same. Every chest-bump with Boog, every mouthful of sunflower seeds, every laugh with Albert. I even saw glimmers of improved outfield defense in the last few games, a priority given the open mineshaft that was third base. I dismissed the "fitting in" worry as inconsequential.

My other worry, the constant nagging worry, was whether this team would know how to bounce back from adversity. DeRosa escaping Cleveland, Lugo and Smoltz shown the door in Boston – these guys had struggled, and recently. But not enough teams were walking Albert to really worry about Holliday's flashes of annoyance when pitchers went up the ladder or strikes were called below his lego knees. It was, I thought, a non-worry. Troy Glaus: still more entertaining than Holliday jawing at the ump.

The thing is, today... we are angry. Today it hasn't worked out. We've been reminded that Holliday didn't come in the way the others did.

Today follows the first forty-eight hours of the 2009 NLDS.

during Game 1 via stltoday.mycapture.com

Nothing about those two losses unnerved me more than Matt Holliday's performance. And I think it was not so much the performance on the field, as the context, the sheer sweeping backdrop of this beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime summer of baseball.

We knew it wasn't magic pixie dust.

We knew the starters were only as good as the infield defense – yes, even Chris Carpenter. We knew it would depend on runners getting on base ahead of Albert, and Holliday and Ludwick coming through if they walked him. We knew who was rusty (Brendan Ryan) and who wasn't (Skip Schumaker) and who was playing hurt (Yadier Molina). When the regular season ended, we knew that Ryan Franklin got his saves out of first-pitch strikes and failing that, the sheer combined guile of Yadi and Dave Duncan. We had everything timed, down to the first-inning tune-ups of Wainwright and Carpenter, the slightly longer settling-down periods for Kyle Lohse and Joel Pineiro.

The 2009 Cardinals won because they stuck to their game plans. They minimized their weaknesses and maximized their strengths. No single screw-up was going to cost them the whole thing, as long as they didn't repeat mistakes. They were playing that... what is the term... oh yes. Winning baseball.

When they boarded the plane to L.A., they were... who we thought they were.

We should've known that Joe Torre would know that, too. For all the blame raining down on all and sundry, they had a game plan for us too. Tip your cap to the other team for figuring out that hitting it to Brendan Ryan = Bad. That maybe, maybe, neutralizing the Game's Greatest Right-Handed Hitter Who Doesn't Think He Is, Really, would be a good idea. This is what happens when teams clinch early and the managers have weeks to plan for each other.

The Cardinals' game plan was the same, and it was *working*. Minimize weaknesses. Maximize strengths. All hands on deck.

Matt Holliday even said it himself: they're going to take Albert out of the game in the postseason. We have to step it up.

So, why? What happened between that even-keeled quote and that photo above? Losing his cool? Making mental mistakes? It was inexplicable. Every other snafu was expected and to some extent, mitigated. What the bleep was this? Then when he scurried to field a ball in the corner then noodle-armed the throw to the cut-off man, I thought: I've seen this before.

And that's when I realized it. That reminded me of Manny Ramirez.

Here's my story and I'm sticking to it. (Or: the only part you need to read. ‡)

I'm not saying Matt = Manny. No, no. That bit of free association is just my brain shorting out. Please don't take this to mean, in any way, that Matt will snap on those new lego dreds and ask for his own section over left field.

Here's what I think happened.

Matt Holliday stepped off that plane and into the waiting ride of Scott Boras. One traffic jam later, they sat in Scott's sweet pad overlooking the Pacific Ocean, had Matt's beverage of choice with some ice cubes cut from a melting Peruvian glacier, and with one eye on his kids playing in the next room, started to talk. Just a word, here or there. How's everything going. Really nice weather for baseball. About how, if Matt contributed to a big playoff run, he would be a lock for a big pay day.

What else could it have been?

And I am not, 6ly, seriously, I'm not saying that greedy Matt Holliday took the money and ran just like Ryan Franklin. Absolutely not. They're both Oklahoma boys. Close to their family. Loyal... to a fault. Guys who just want to help the team and work hard.

Telling either of them that they're worth a king's ransom is not going to get them sitting pretty. It's going to put more pressure on them. They want to live up to that dollar amount. That part I'm not making up; read the quotes and watch the interviews. That sincerity is unfeigned.

Nor am I making up Scott Boras muttering about a no-trade clause back in Denver, either. Pretty much the same time Holliday's first hometown booed him relentlessly, while the new hometown, in red and ready to rock, cheered.

So Torre put together a game plan that would call on Matt Holliday to come through, and the leg we'd been standing on... buckled.

Of course we're angry today.

When they traded those players for Matt Holliday, I swore I would enjoy the next two months of baseball. There was no other way to stay sane. After the dust settled, the consensus was that the trade would be a success if it was two months plus a World Series, or a long-term deal that wouldn't blow up the franchise.

And to everyone's credit, it was an incredible two months. Every single player gave us moments to remember. So what if they slumped and the umpires were squeezing everyone? Our weaknesses were a known quantity. If everyone executed and stuck to the game plan, those weaknesses could be overcome.

Except for that little detail of whether Matt Holliday could deal with adversity.

He'd been on a losing team, yes, but until this past month, he'd never been on the ropes while wearing the Birds on the Bat. His arrival was a whirlwind. Everyone else was just an appetizer, or perhaps a refreshing apéritif. He blew into town as the long-awaited Protection for Albert Pujols. The first few days, he got himself a car because Albert Knew a Guy. Despite the number, his jersey sales skyrocketed. His son, who knew Albert was way cooler than Shaq before anybody else, was really pumped about the move.

Matt punched his ticket for the same ride we did.

And everything worked according to plan. A little... too well. Holliday's quotes were frequently about finally playing on a winning club, like he was one of the chosen few who could board this train. Contrast that with DeRosa's matter-of-fact focus on Baseball Now, Other Stuff Later. Holliday's coy and guarded comments about staying in St. Louis were like Smoltz's it's-a-drinking-game slips about "storyline": sure, he's not thinking about flirting, he's just mentioning it all the time. Matt was getting comfortable. For most of that time, Holliday's played in left field and hit fourth in the lineup. If he has any inkling that the entire Cardinals squad are in fact utility players (Albert included), he's never shown it.

None of which really should be a problem. He's doing the work. He's been a tremendous upgrade, and there's nothing diva in his behavior at all. I can't really think of a team where he'd be more comfortable, money aside.

The playoffs are not about comfort. They're about two teams trying to pick apart each other's weaknesses. The same old breakdowns are frustrating, but there is also that added element of the other team having the whole season and a few intensive weeks to scout you out and pinpoint the weakest spot.

That's why I'm not angry about Franklin. Frustrated, yes. But clawing out from a month-long slump (with not enough work, thanks Tony) is not easy, and especially not in the closer's role. The Dodgers had a game plan for him; he and Yadi had a counter. A counter that, might I add, frequently worked in the majority of his saves. Why lose your shit over deliberately walking guys when the pitch count gets too high? Or relying on Yadi's pick-off, which was a bobbled ball away from working? Why go nuts over not having a shut-down closer when the entire game plan and this winning season is built around *not* having a shut-down closer?

(Every pitcher on this team is as good as the defense. When a fly-out is part of the plan, that out is the doing of three players, not just the pitcher.)

The Cardinals cut it close all season long. There were just as many chances for our game plan ... so long as everyone executed. Every player out there did make mistakes, but they recovered. They stayed cool. There was no failure of nerve, no glitch in the matrix. They weren't just who we thought they were; they were better than that. Except, well:

Holliday, in key moments, in both games, did not execute.

No one is entitled to a title.

So yeah, I feel angry. But in the sense that I gambled... we *all* gambled, and we're on the verge of paying up in tRAviolis. To be honest I'm writing this because I don't understand how anyone missed that this was a gamble in the first place. I thought, in my silly Hallmark movie way, that everyone knew we had an absolute gift of a season, and that everything on top of that was a bonus. I figured everyone would scoff at the sportswriters all picking the Cardinals to win and win easy.

Instead I restrained myself, barely, from shaking every last person who dared type "best Halloween ever" and typing in all-caps: THAT'S WHAT THE CUBS FANS SAID LAST YEAR.

Whew.

But that's what it is, isn't it? We took a Cubsian gamble. We took our eye off the game-ball and when it comes right down to it, we're angry because we came out 3.3 million strong, signed Matt Holliday's lease, and we deserve another ring for Albert's fingers. Yeah, I'll go there. I did it too. I updated all my fanshots. I called plays that never came to pass. I thought, this is our last chance, it has to be right now. I feel bad about all that.

It's not about jinxing. It's about taking it for granted. Taking baseball for granted. WWL doesn't know a thing about the Cardinals beyond "Wainwright and Carpenter". Why believe them over your own eyes? We all watched that season, right? We should've known better, even if Matt Holliday didn't.

No one is entitled to a title. A team still has to go out with a good plan and get it done. Will Holliday recover his focus and get his mind back in the game? Will the team draw him back into the Man Stew, and will it work? I don't know. I sure hope so. To some extent, I don't think it matters. Cheer him on; he's a good guy and it can't be easy putting on that hat.

It doesn't matter because it comes down to the team. They have presented us with bonus baseball, and after two long years, that's quite a gift. It comes down to every last guy: the rebuilt arm with the sailor's mouth, the bulldog with the sick curve, the kicksave champion, the old legend, the big lefty, the bearded lefty, the fireman, the firecracker, the goatee, *the* stache, the stoic sickly kid, the dour journeyman, the seed-spitting leg-kicker, the gritty outfielder at second, the ex-cub, the shirtlicker, the glare, the gun, the nicest transcendent player ever.

So, while I think everyone who's actually read this whole thing knew all that, this is just a little reminder. Don't get mad. Every now and then, baseball will hit you in the nuts. It'll also give you the most entertaining team in recent memory. No matter what, this season is a success. And the best part? More to come. More to come.

Chris Carpenter Unplugged

Yadi2Second — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:29:58 -0000

Chris Carpenter Unplugged

Word or phrase you use too often?
(cannot be printed on a family blog)

* This is Chris Carpenter. Don't try to run.

* Chris Carpenter has surgery scars on one arm. He has a tattoo on the other.

* Only Jason LaRue is man enough to hang out with Chris Carpenter.

* During the pre-season starter’s meeting, each pitcher was asked for his goal for the season. Chris Carpenter said: ’We’re going to be on the same page from Day One. We’re going to go out and watch sides. We’re going to do things the way we used to do it. We’re going to do things as a group.' The St. Louis starters have been a team-within-the-team all season long.

* Any starter who misses a teammate’s side session can expect to pay a price.

* It has been reported that Chris Carpenter sets the tone in the clubhouse. Chris Carpenter is there for his teammates — pitchers and position players alike.

* Chris Carpenter says he can and will "kick a little ass" as necessary. It is rumored that this is an understatement.

* During a hot tub soak, Chris Carpenter listened to Skip Schumaker’s doubts about switching to second base, and proceeded to call him his "All-Star second baseman". This season, Schumaker has been brought in as a defensive substitution at second base.

* Around May, Chris Carpenter detected a flaw in Adam Wainwright’s mechanics. Adam Wainwright is now a contender in the NL Cy Young race.

* Chris Carpenter only went along with the mustache conspiracy on the condition that he won the next start.

If you're going to sit there and concern yourself and cry every day about where you're at and what's going on, you're never going to make it. You deal with injuries and you move on. What other choice is there? I'm not going to sit there rehabbing my elbow for 12 months trying to figure out how to pitch if I'm throwing 86 [mph].
... It's a super-simple way to live life. It's a nice way. Either I can do it or I can't. If you can, you figure out a way to get it done. If not, go home.

* Chris Carpenter is so intense during his starts that he shows few emotions besides smoldering rage.

* Only Adam Wainwright is cyborg enough to imitate Chris Carpenter’s rare shows of emotion… and live.

* Once, Chris Carpenter applied a tag at first base, did not get the call, and sprinted back to the mound to prevent himself from taking out the first base umpire.

* Minutes later, Yadi had to restrain him when the ump eyeballed him walking back to the dugout. Carp was snapping: "Are you looking at me? Why are you looking at me?"

* Chris Carpenter does not tolerate foolishness from the media.

* Chris Carpenter is annoyed when his teammates take too much time tossing the ball around between batters.

* Chris Carpenter is annoyed by ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ for the same reason.

* Once, Homer Bailey caused a delay of game as he strolled out from the bullpen. Carpenter was not happy. Minutes later, an Albert Pujols line drive met up with Homer Bailey.

* Once, a fan fell out of the stands and Albert Pujols had to save his neck, and Chris Carpenter was annoyed by that delay.

* Mark DeRosa was leery of his reception in St. Louis because the last time he saw Chris Carpenter, he was screaming at him from the mound during an interleague game.

* Chris Carpenter entertained the notion of giving up his number to John Smoltz. John Smoltz took another number.

* John Smoltz credits Chris Carpenter for identifying some of his mechanical flaws and pitch-tipping.

* Chris Carpenter watched prospect Shelby Miller throw from Dave Duncan’s traditional spot in the pitching coach’s absence. He also began working with Mitchell Boggs on his delivery.

* Once, Chris Carpenter had a four minute half-inning. Minutes later, after the Cardinals saw nineteen pitches, Chris Carpenter hit his first home run: a grand slam. Eight pitches later, the inning ended.

* Chris Carpenter called that shot.

* Last but not least: we don’t talk about Chris Carpenter.

Unless it’s a certain situation late when you can lose the game or change the game I’m going to come after you. I’m not wasting pitches. I’m trying to get strike one, strike two, strike three as fast as I can, or get you to put the ball in play and let my guys work behind me. When you do that it puts (the defense) on the offensive. You’ve got to make a decision what you’re going to do. That’s when it gets fun.

An Abridged VEB Glossary

Yadi2Second — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:23:51 -0000

By popular demand, a collection of terms and lingo one might find around the VEB threads. This is an *unofficial* guide. Terms that cover specific members, their fake names, individually registered phrases, and/or their parentage have been omitted. So have the terms I don't know, so comment if I've missed any that are currently in use.

Irony, humor, wit, pop culture, and geekery will not be explained in this glossary. Hence: "abridged." Language evolves... use your imagination.

Please wait for pages to fully load when the link jumps to a specific comment. See also: Redbird Nicknames and Terms of 2007. Definitely read the Community Guidelines and FAQs. Lurk moar, noobs. - August 5, 2009 3:30pm.

THAT'S A WINNER!	If you don't know this, your Cardinals fan license is denied. Used only at the moment of a Cardinals victory and not any time before. Also associated with chicken dinners.
The Man	Your baseball fan license is denied. Read up and tip your cap.
Gibby	He's here to revoke your license.
The Wizard	Not Roy Oswalt. Fail!
The Mang El Hombre The Maching	Albert Pujols. Still in use, but so last-week since Albert frowns on any comparisons to Stan the Man. Lovingly reproduced with his accent. See him do everything. See also: AP.
Ridiculous	Used to describe transcendent skills when ordinary words fall short. Origin: tossed around c. 27th of May 2009, and entered common use on the 18th of June 2009. As in: all game threads must include the phrase Albert Pujols is ridiculous. Also occasionally spelled "REDICULOUS".
Serious	= 6 (often literally.) Used when the Cardinals score 6 runs. We wish it would stop, but it's stuck in our heads. Also why 6 recs turn a comment green. Seriously.
10 Run Sundays	How could we forget the Ten-Run Sundays of 2007?
99.99	Double-play. Originates from the charity contribution every time the Cards turn a DP.
jack a dong dongjackery jackdongery	First there was the innocuous jack, which is in the dictionary for a hard hit ball aka a home-run. Then came Joe Buck with Slam-a-lam-a-ding-dong. And, inexorably, jack a dong was invented. VEB was never the same ever since. Used sparingly.
haiku	A form of Japanese poetry consisting of 3 metrical phrases of 5-7-5 moras (syllables) respectively. Also a recurring feature of game thread posts, among other poetry forms.
evident the wash	If you have to explain what it means, you're doing it wrong. From a memorable and grimy night in October 2006.
nexdef'd	Suggested here by DanUp. The nexdef feed is notoriously late. A likely response to a late comment re: a past event. Related variants are non sequitur phrases which were past replies to a constantly repeated question.
Franklin sucks	Ryan Franklin is terrible. Especially as a closer. One must comment on this as much as possible. For a full explanation of his suckitude, see this photo caption.
franklin(s)	A beverage generally imbibed late in the game. Originated when Franklin was a sure-fire inning of suck. Imbibe responsibly.
khalil(s)	A relatively new term for a smoke enjoyed late in the game. Probably has nothing to do with Khalil Greene, but we don't have Jeff Weaver around anymore.
A.D.A.M.	Adam Wainwright, who pitches like a cyborg and eliminates batters with his wicked curve. Used alongside his usual nicknames of Waino, Wainer, Wagonmaker, etc. As in: My name is A.D.A.M. I just became self aware. I think I was sent to destroy all in my path.
Carp	Chris Carpenter, that perfectionist mother—(shut your mouth!)—is just too dangerous to know to be hampered by any nicknames... though see "luggage." Allegedly.
Jo-El Piñata Kick Save	Joel Piñeiro. Suddenly successful after being snubbed from the Puerto Rican WBC team by Jose Oquendo. See also: THROW MOAR SINKERS. Viva piñata!
__wick	Situational nickname for Ryan Ludwick. Frequently in all-caps. Just put in the play and add "-wick" suffix, such as: THUDWICK!, GLOVEWICK!, or KWICK :(
Corey / Corky / Cody / Kobe Ramos (etc.) The Cheese	Colby Rasmus, who's done with the midnight runs to White Castle. A play on the many rookies TLR and Al have forgotten. The bland glider's rookie year was plagued by illness ("wasting away") and a lack of Hollywood drama ("he's not selling it"). See: Get Off My Lawn; Shawon Dunston.
AnK Dick	Situational nicknames for Rick Ankiel. Besides his mustache adventures, we were told he wanted to be called "Dick." Ankiel's epic saga continues to develop, so be creative. See: the cykiel.
The Cykiel	Cycle + Ankiel. Coined by Andyfantastic, this new feat is a strike out looking, a strike out swinging, a weak pop-up, a weak grounder, and a meaningless home run to pad the lead. A "natural cykiel" is the same except sans the meaningless homer. Example.
Skippy, S(c)hu Shoe(maker), Cobbler Jared	Did you hear about the team that had the pitcher-turned-outfielder, the catcher-turned-reliever, and the greatest utility player ever? Yeah, they turned an outfielder into a second baseman. He's gritty. See: GRIT. Learn to say his name right, or your wife will kill you.
Mark of the Rose Appetizer	Mark DeRosa. Other "rose" puns apply. Dumped by the Cubs, stuck with the Indians, the first of the rescues/trades to impact the '09 Cardinals. See: man stew. Via text message after the Holliday trade: Schumaker: Now we go! We just got Holliday. DeRosa: I guess I was just an appetizer! Sweet!!! I hear Mike Holliday is good.
Protection et al Lego (Man)	Matt Holliday, brought in to protect Albert Pujols in the lineup. Keep it above the waist, people. Puns include classic films and 80s pop songs. The internet and VEB agree: he looks like a lego man. See: Operation Midwest-Nice.
Boog Shirt- / Shoulder-licker	Brendan Ryan, he of the striped stirrups, and a revelation at shortstop. Actual family nickname is Boog, for Boog Powell. Too many quirks to list. Also: "Avenge!", a general call for justice (orig. from a homer stolen by Manny); and variants of "Booged" for any 'pwnage'.
Chesty Pornstache	Jason LaRue. Nicknames for the original mustachioed one have diminished in use, probably because LaRue is in a pickup truck by himself. Also, he's not really a personal catcher.
The Sauce Apple Sauce	Jason Motte. Hippie in civilian clothes, crazy fireballer on the mound. Don't miss Sauce Time; if it goes well, it goes fast.
Porkchop Diner Moons Over My Hammy	Damn, I'm hungry. Dennys Reyes, the big lefty. "The Big Sweat" is still recognized, but not generally used.
Miller time	Time for Trever Miller, the... smaller LOOGY. A real LOOGY.
K-Mac	Kyle McClellan. Hometown boy who got run into the ground in 2008. ~~Has now stolen Josh Kinney's facial hair.~~
Puppykicker	Brad Thompson, he who will never need a razor, so-called because when he's pissed he wants to find a puppy and kick it.
GAWWW(STAB)!	The Hawk Signal™, used to summon Blake Hawksworth aka "The Knife". Rumored to be operated by DanUp.
THOU SHALT NOT RUN ON YADI	The first commandment. Repeated when baserunners are stupid enough to do that and encounter Yadier Molina's gun.
THROW MOAR SINKERS	Reference to Dave Duncan's pitching philosophy. See: Joel Piñeiro.
tipping pitches (mainstream use)	Provided by Michael_68_1999: A common explanation for the sudden improvement of a proven, if somewhat mediocre veteran upon joining the Cards. The veteran sometimes reverts to "tipping pitches". See: Mike Maroth. Assoc. term: "pixie dust" and Dave Duncan.
GRIT index	The measure of a ballplayer's grit. Related metrics are STAIN and STAIN+. See: David Eckstein, Aaron Miles.
OMS or OMP	Coined as Old Man Power, now usually referred to as OMS or Old Man Speed/Slugging/Strength. Yet-to-be examined metric for the actual growth of younger ballplayers. May apply to facial hair. Situational variants of "Old Man ___" exist.
Get off my lawn!	You're probably too young to get this. Usually employed as a sign of crotchety cane-waving rather than actual annoyance at kids and rookies with their new-fangled intertubes.
Operation Midwest-Nice (Engage) MWNE	The BEST FANS IN BASEBALL engaging their full powers of decency, goodness, and pie-baking so Matt Holliday et al will re-sign with St. Louis. At a discount. Please? ...more pie?
clogging the bases	See: Baker, Dusty.
T.E.S.S.	Testicle Exploding Shit-storm. Abbreviated partly for excessive foul language on VEB. July 12, 2008 Never forget.
B.I.E.S.S.	Or T.E.S.S. 2, except with Breast Implants. When OT threads and bullpen use go wrong, possibly costing a few individual awards. October 2, 2009.
LOBsters	The stat of runners Left On Base, in metamorphous form. (No more, please!)
luggage	(See: actual use in clubhouse, thanks to brackenthebox.) Related to Ryan Ludwick sporting a shiner on July 5, 2009, reportedly because he tripped on some luggage. He was later named Player of the Month. Then came the rumor that Chris Carpenter allegedly gifted him with that shiner. Allegedly. Used to motivate a player to not-regress / suck. The first rule of the luggage is we don't talk about the luggage.
Respect the Stache	The mustachioed project of 2009, chronicled here and here. Spring training beards gave way to Rick Ankiel's classic, but it wasn't till July when the plot (and the facial hair) thickened: the starters went all in and the rest followed suit. Now AMI loves the Cards. That means it's working. Wainwright had shirts made, though they arrived too late — most staches had regressed to the mean.
man stew	As revealed in the Sept. 20, 2009 Post-Dispatch: Cardinals infielders Brendan Ryan and Mark DeRosa had just settled in Saturday for their daily “man stew” — the nickname for an afternoon dip in the hot tub Used to describe team chemistry, among other things. Use your imagination.
Secret Weapon	Third base coach Jose Oquendo, the man with the green lights. We'd tell you, but then we'd have to eliminate you. And revoke your license.
TLR	Tony La Russa is a man with many monikers. You figure it out, you're such a genius. Just don't kick any puppies or you'll end up in the doghouse.
LaDunc	LaRussa-Duncan. Three teams and over a quarter-century, and the hive-mind begins to fuse.
Barry	Barry Weinberg, aka the omen of doom. Always there for the most terrible Cardinals injuries on the field. Perhaps because he's the trainer.
Mo	John Mozeliak. GM. Learn to pronounce his name. Verdict still out, but he stays cool through anything other than stray BP baseballs.
ATG	According to GameDay. If the umpire is more wrong than GameDay, there might be a problem. (Term in dispute.)
WWL	World Wide Leader aka ESPN. Yeah, we're lazy. But so is the WWL.
BBTN	Baseball Tonight. It used to be awesome. [lone tear]
pictures of unicorns	Not to be confused with pegacorns. Est. October 19, 2009, these are posted to mitigate the effect of linking or quoting certain media members. The more sparkles, the better.
pegacorn	(Spelling.) Originally a rider on unusually optimistic news. Now used as a noun or interjection describing an unlikely and possibly magical event. Usually with bacon wings.
pixie dust	Specifically associated with training, adjustments, or other changes in scenery which magically improve one's game. Used with action verbs (thus: "sprinkling pixie dust", not "he is made of pixie dust.") See: Dave Duncan.
"__ is like trading for a new __!" "You know, Al, it really is."	A Dan-and-Al FSM exchange taken to its logical conclusion.
HI GUYS IN THE TRUCK	Employed whenever Fox Sports Midwest or any other television commentator might coincidentally mention something in the VEB threads. Refers to the FSM behind-the-scenes video editors being called "the guys in the truck".
GOB	Gods of Baseball. Do not tempt them! Those bastard-coated bastards screw us over every time...

A note on nicknames: The 2009 Cardinals have actual nicknames in use inside the locker-room, in various shades of cheesy, boring, or bizarre. The VEB community may or may not use these monikers.

Other nicknames:

Julio Lugo: We're too terrified of his glare of death to actually give him a nickname. "The Glare" has emerged as a common synecdoche. Paul Simon lyrics can happen, though.
Kal El, K-Lo, Bubble Boy: Kyle Lohse, depending on his stuff. Nicknames are in sparse use, except the last, originating when Lohse appeared at a radio show wrapped in bubble wrap to protect him from further injury.
Smolzinski / Smoltzinski, Smotzl: John Smoltz. The latter after the style of Mesoamerican gods. The former could only have been coined by the one and only Adam Wainwright. To paraphrase: "And with the addition of … Smooolz… Smolzinski… we’re doing pretty good.”
Santa: Troy Glaus. Christmas came and went at third base, probably with a bat-slam. Proposed nickname: "Glass"; probationary nickname: "Gloss".
The Colonel: Todd Wellemeyer, who is a Kentucky Colonel. Probably broken back to private by now.
Spicoli, Spockoli / K-Bot: Khalil Greene. No longer mistaken for Tyler Greene. "K-Bot" is from our friends at the Padres blog. Current Shannonism is to refer to Khalil as "Kaheel." Nicknames are generally inactive at this moment.
Thursty / Thrusty: Joe Thurston, who hustles into more base-running blunders than anyone in recent memory. More pejoratives in the threads, including Dos Equis and an unhappy bear.
Mr. Freeze: David Freese. Did you know he was in the Jim Edmonds trade? Did you know he grew up in St. Louis? How astounding. Next thing you'll tell me he can play third base. Or even catch.
Greene Tea: Tyler Greene. Still not Khalil.
Pags Lite: Matt Pagnozzi. Still not Tom's son.
Stav Infection: Nick Stavinoha. Either a positive or negative nickname, depending on which team he infects.
Joey Bombs: Joe Mather. Actual moniker earned at AA Springfield. Either a positive or a negative nickname, depending on his success at the plate. [Another nickname is pending.]
The Hoff: Jarrett I'm-not-related-to-Micah Hoffpauir. Known for his impressive debut in the rookie merry-go-round, everyone knows you don't mess with the Hoff.
DJ Tools: Daryl Jones, the toolsy outfield prospect.
Young Pitcher: Chris Perez, closer of the future for some other team. Earned that nickname the hard way: "Surely TLR knows Chris Perez's name?"
Chris Duncan: Oh, how we will miss your trophy-humping ways. Son of pitching coach Dave Duncan, he made easy catches look like adventures, had his neck reconstructed (we have the technology), and was finally traded away East in a gripping prelude to the 2009 Matt Holliday drama.
A special point: Brian Barton aka Cardinaut / Rocket Man / Crabman was "Enunciate." Brian Barden? "Slur it." See also: Blaine Boyer.
Snowcones | Wild Turkey Shooter: Or variations thereof refers to Gary Bennett, who had a monstrous week of clutch situations that was so surprising that they must've been serving snowcones in hell. It was picked up and frequently used in lineup posts.
Betty: Didn't think we'd need to dust this off, but that's "Bipolar Betty" aka Jason Marquis.
Izzy: Jason Isringhausen, a tale told deep into the night of dominant closing, hidden injuries, and induced ulcers. See also: Ron Villone.
Shawon Dunston. Swing it, son.

Things that are frowned upon in VEB:

Failing to read the guidelines, and being douchey about it [/flagged!]
Commenting "first" to any new thread.
Abbreviating "that's what she said" or its variants. *
Failing to use the subject line when posting an image.
Wishing injury on any baseball player, regardless of team. Stay classy, VEB.
Rule of thumb: if they love to do it on BCB, don't do it here.

* Debatable.

Other Players

a selection of nicknames

~~Dan Haren~~	Hey, what's wrong? The previous cell is blank. In fact it is blank all over VEB. Is this a teardrop? Everything's blurry. This whole table row is gone, too. See also: he who must not be named.
"[insert name here]" is a handsome man."	Used frequently in game threads to describe opposing pitchers, perhaps in an ironic way. See: Aaron Harang.
Ryan Braun	Deputy (Douchebag). Origin: Braun started it up, then Melvin answered, and thereafter Braun said he’s sowwy. Also used: lemur.
Adam Dunn	As in "Adam Dunn, is that you?" in response to any indication of hating America, apple pie, the flag, and/or baseball. Not actually a knock on Adam Dunn.
Fat Elvis	Lance Berkman. A class act, but VEB's not into "Big Puma".
BEN SHEETS	As in: SIGN BEN SHEETS. Ahaha. Ahahahahahha.
Brandon Backe	As in "Where's Brandon Backe?" in response to any need to fire up Albert Pujols.
Brad Lidge	via i2.cdn.turner.com Edit: corrected!

How to tag fanshots. Or try the BIGGER AND BETTER version.

Yadi2Second — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:03:12 -0000

How to tag fanshots. Or try the BIGGER AND BETTER version.

SB Nation User Blog: Yadi2Second

[Jarrett]'s excited. This could be a new life for him.

Pujols wins MLBPA NL Outstanding Player on Mike and Mike

Pujols wins MLBPA NL Outstanding Player on Mike and Mike

Wainwright Wins MLBPA NL Outstanding Pitcher honor on Mike and Mike

Wainwright Wins MLBPA NL Outstanding Pitcher honor on Mike and Mike

Carpenter Wins MLBPA NL Comeback honor on Mike and Mike

Carpenter Wins MLBPA NL Comeback honor on Mike and Mike

Everyone in here comes to the yard ready to play every day. I’ll take this group, any day until the ...

Security: Not Just for Kiss-Cams

Security: Not Just for Kiss-Cams

When You Think Your Protection Has Broken

Long live the Man Stew.

We *knew* it wasn't magic pixie dust.

Here's my story and I'm sticking to it. (Or: the only part you need to read. ‡)

Of course we're angry today.

No one is entitled to a title.

Chris Carpenter Unplugged

Chris Carpenter Unplugged

An Abridged VEB Glossary

Other Players

How to tag fanshots. Or try the BIGGER AND BETTER version.

We knew it wasn't magic pixie dust.