In the tradition of great adventures like "Earnest Goes To Camp" and "Earnest Goes To Jail" we present to you the journey of Zoe Necrosis and his paramore Violet DeMent as they journey to the pacific northwest in search of cooler climate, precipitation, cheese, wine, and baseball.

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Hello Landers from Southern California.

I've never had a chance to see Seattle-proper. I've been to the SeaTac airport once - over a decade ago I visited some friends who had mass emigrated away from Orange County and its need to have things like steady employment and rented a house in Bellingham for $700. (Morrissey's "Every Day is Like Sunday" was stuck in my head the whole trip.) A year after my visit the bohemian commune disbanded, my friends scattering in different directions. But that really has little to do with why I'm here.

My girlfriend and I are taking a little holiday bridging the end of August and beginning of September. She has friends in or near Seattle that we can stay with. I'll finally have a chance to explore beyond just the airport. So I'm here doing the same 'ol out-of-towner solicitation for friendly advice.

I'll be attending at least one game (maybe more depending on my girlfriend's mood) as the Mariners host the Angels (and yes, a Halo rooter from Lanaheim am I). I hope while I'm there it begins raining so I can see this retractable roof in action.

Any particular seating you might recommend? Best bang for your buck for the lower-middle-class? Any idiosynchratic aspect of the park I should try to explore?

Is there any signature drink or snack at Safeco I should be sure to sample?

The offical team's website page on the subject of parking indicates I've been severely spoiled by parking in the Southland. Any recommendations on where one should park?

Any eateries or taverns near the stadium, perhaps in walking distance, I should check out? Can I has cheeseburger?

Most of all, what should a person who's never been to Seattle-proper check out during their stay?

See you at the game.

Peace Out,
~Zoe Necrosis

This is going to be long, wordy, and not very entertaining to most Halo fans. There's your disclaimer.

My social distinction is probably what they call "lower middle class." I'm no longer in poverty but my life is by no means glamorous. I buy tickets for about half a dozen games a season. "Buy," not "go to." Every once in a while the universe tosses you a thrill.

I live for $5 Mariners games and enjoy fewer things better than sitting up in the breezy 500's with an AM walkman in my ear. But that doesn't mean I only go to that many games - I'm always being given tickets for games - it's a delightful, if mysterious phenomenon, that when your favorite baseball team becomes known the world puts tickets in your hands. (Of course, this does not apply to all teams - I count myself blessed that just down the road is the first class team I love and I can get a seat practically any night I set my mind to it. But one night early this season I found myself sitting next to a Chowderhead on vacation from Beantown and touring the southland's ballparks. I told him the history of the Big A. He told me about how he doesn't get to go to Bosox games anymore - tickets are impractically priced and virtually unavailable. This was a guy who would actually chant 'Let's go Red Sox' on New York subways. I can't imagine not being able to see my team in person.)

My friends, in general, are artsy intellectuals or post-punk rivetheads or neurotic drunks who don't hold baseball close to their hearts - but they all know who to forward their tickets to once they win a pair at work or something.

My buddy Scott's father, in whatever corporate field he is in, has access to some vendor or another that occasionally throws gifts at him. Scott arranged that his father would get us a night at the game in great seats. Scott would have been the one to go with me, but since arranging these tickets he has taken a job editing porn films from 6pm till 3am.

So I took my girlfriend of three and a half years, a molecular biologist who just got her doctorate from UCI. I'll refer to her as Violet DeMent for sake of internet anonymity, as that was her college radio DJ alias, as I've likewise named myself. I won't refer to her as Mrs Necrosis because I know better. (Pictures after the Page Break)

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I couldn't bring myself to visit this page through the playoffs, for the most part. It was just too hard.

And spurred on by the Rev's post this morning, I too visited the stadium today. For what purpose? At first I thought it was out of spite combined with disbelief that anyone could return a jersey because the Halos (surprise, surprise) blew it in the postseason. But on reflection I think I just wanted to be there. To feed some intangible need for reconciliation. To say that this hurts, but this is my favorite place to be in the warm months, and I'll see you again when I am a year older.

So I've been compiling a list, in my head, to try to ease the pain. A list of what went right, rather than what went wrong. Something to help me forget that horseshit of a strikeout call against Tex. Something to make me forget the fact that I could very well be saying "Go Dodgers" before the month is over.

So help me make a list of everyting that was great about this year. Everything that is still great about this year.

1. 100 wins for the first time.

2. Santana does a 180 from a hideous road record and lackluster hoemstand and confounds expectations and becomes an Allstar.

3. Vlad defies speculation that he is already done, rebounds like the Imapler he is and secures 11 seasons of batting over 300.

4. Frankie shatters the 18 year old saves record and seasons it with 4 more saves for good measure.

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EDIT - Front Page Promotion: This is one of the best FanPosts Ever on this site, these pictures may take a while to load but it is one of the best community efforts ever.

I find it difficult to conceive this hasn't been done yet, but I can't find anything of the sort.

Anyway, I don't have cable, so while watching the gameday and trying to get the am to come in I was thumbing through online collections of motivational poster parodies.

I'm sure these could be done much better by someone else, and would love to see the whole team framed up. I can't say I put much effort into this.

And I hope these make sense, I've been hitting the pino grigio pretty hard tonight.

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