Times are tough.  The American recession is on like Donkey Kong, and has been going strong for about 4 years now.  It's no longer a bug in the windshield, but more like your ex-girlfriend just keyed your car and maybe she's coming back for more.  Did I mention she likes lighter fluid?  Oh yeah and she's pregnant.  

The European economy is getting worse.  Countries bailing each other out to the point that the bailers are taking hits.  Everyone is slowing down.  The effect of this is stress, and what easier target is there than those that make tons of money for fairly frivolous reasons?

Enter NBA players.  They're not alone, mind you - this is affecting all aspects of culture but we're not talking about them here, Justin Beiber.  Earlier this summer we had the parking-lot-gate of Andrew Bynum and then just a few days ago Kobe-church-smartphone-gate.  Let's look at Bynum first.  

Ok, so Bynum parked in a handicapped spot so he could run into the Whole Foods or whatever it was and purchase various sundries ninja-style.  I believe that he considers himself "handicapped" to a certain degree, and it's for this reason that he hasn't apologized nor feels the need to acknowledge the situation in the public eye.  Afterall, it's the public eye that is his handicap in the first place.  If Bynum were to park in a "normal" spot and walk the 50 yards or so into the store, he might run into Laker fans, Celtic fans, Rich person fans, etc., thus slowing him down and "handicapping" his ability to run a routine errand and get back home to lay down some frags on the ps3.  

This is an inconvenience, for sure - but not a disabling one.  In fact, the public sees quite the opposite.  It is the functions of the market and popular culture at large that allows him to make the immense salary he does and buy all the cars and computers and live his life of sport and leisure.  Is 13 million dollars a year an "inconvenience" or a "handicap"?  Maybe if you're Prokhorov but not to the everyman.  To those who can't even afford a ticket to a Lakers game, the only opportunity to see one of the players in person is by chance.  Such is the arrangement, the market.

Therein lies the difference.  To Bynum, he's fully willing to take advantage of the benefits of being a celebrity sports athlete, but at the same time not willing to play the role that allows him to be in said situation.  A main part of the reason he makes so much money is because of the very public, celebrity status an NBA player engenders yet at the same time he wants to be seperate from that very machine and even eschew the public responsibilities or role that status demands in chance situations.

Kobe's situation is not much different.  To those that this situation annoyed lies the very same principles.  He's a public figure, he makes tons of money, allow yourself to be subject to that very deranged public persona you've created, they might say.  Yes some might go overboard.  Some might scream and try to rip off your clothes.  Some might stalk you and sleep in the trees outside your house.  The price you pay for that nuisance/death threat?  25 Million dollars a year.  

Of course there are those that are going to say no, some of these guys just really want to play basketball and they just love the game, and celebrity is a byproduct of that, and that's why the whole of celebrity culture annoys them so much.  Please.  I'm sure there are a few that somehow went through the entire machination of club ball, jr and high school ball - agents, pr people, private trainers etc., yet have no interest in the public eye.  However these aren't them.  You don't come up with your own nickname, ask the team to call you "A-train", or "make it rain" in a strip club if you are serious about the sport and the sport itself.  Today's NBA cannot be separated from it's celebrity culture, and if you're not willing to pay the price, don't collect the check.  You're earning your money on the court as well as off.  I think you can walk into the market like everyone else, or pay someone else to be like everyone else.  At the very least, you're not handicapped.

Yes, we are in a deep recession - and yes, this is a very slow NBA news cycle so of course these issues are going to be out there more than usual.  But to complain about it is like George Michael famously complaining about not wanting to be a celebrity in the 80's.  You don't want to be a celebrity?  Well then don't release albums on the radio and play concerts to tens of thousands of people.  Yeah, you won't be rich.  You decide.

There are plenty of outlets for analysis and commiseration.  How about some motivation for our team?  Post your favorite quote or image in the hopes that a Laker player might peruse these pages in between hitting on random girls on twitter and getting hot oil massages at the Four Seasons.  

To start it off, a couple of my favs.  For some Freudian reason beyond the grasp of my own subjectivity, they are both military related.

via www.fkinonline.com

via 1.bp.blogspot.com

edit : Adding this pretty excellent albeit short video on Phil.  Respect.

Just trying to gauge interest - 

     If someone here was to set up a raffle for either courtside seats or a seat in a suite for only SS&R peeps, would you buy a ticket?  A suite would have 12 seats (or raffle winners) and would cost around $3,000 depending on the game.  That would mean we'd need at least (there's tax, you know...) 300 people willing to buy a ticket at $10 a piece in order to make the suite purchase.  There would be no profit involved, the raffle being shut down as soon as the cost is covered.  

     An alternate option (more awesome, more difficult) would be to raffle off courtside seats.  That would require around 500 people to buy tickets, but the resulting two winners would have that much more fun.  Or get injured that much more easily.  Which is always a plus, right?  Just answer the damn poll.

I went to a leafy liberal arts college oft mistaken for a foreign nation.  It was little known at the time and continues to be, outside of college counselors and irrational middle class private school kids with literary ambitions.  The kind of school where you literally know everyone on campus and easily spot the "visitor" on weekends - pet names for the more creatively fashioned students abound (my favorite was "birdman" and "dark helmet").  A school like this doesn't produce many "heroes" on campus - to stand out is to be critiqued.  Yet there was one who remains a hero, I assume, to this day.

The trainer.  This particular college had a very famous swim team.   Colleges of this size embrace any kind of accolades they can acquire, and to have a well known swim team is something to furiously protect.  You'd think they'd have a first-rate training staff at least, and they did - but one of them was different enough to become something of a campus Hero.

Ok, so he flashed weird cards in front of your face to help heal your kinked back, and maybe he did actually stick his finger in my mouth once because my jaw was "clicking" - but whatever, the guy worked for $1 a year.  

$1 a year.  Larry Paige and Sergey Brin, co-founders of Google and Stevie Jobs, CEO of Apple all work for $1 a year.  Yeah, they make hundreds of millions in stock options, but hey, it's the thought that counts.

It's the thought that counts.  It does, and it vaulted a mere physical trainer to stardom on a campus more concerned with the going price of Natural Light at the campus liquor store ("army man" worked there) than the state of the lead butterfly-er (see, I didn't know crap about swimming).  His story was that some doctor bungled a surgery he went in for and the guy subsequently gained about 300 pounds from a hormonal imbalance.  Cue courtroom drama, settlement, riches.  Anyways for whatever reason the guy loved touching young college girls all day (wha?) and kept his job as a trainer, reducing his salary to $1 a year.

Ok, so Kobe can't take $1, but he can take the veteran's minimum at $1.25 million or whatever it is.  Think he's great now?  What if he was the first guy to reduce his salary?  Not only would that open doors to recruiting fresh talent, it would solidify his reputation as The Greatest Laker Ever.  Ok fine, maybe not solidify it but vault him to a position he's never known before.  Forget Colorado, forget the shaq debacle, forget the Raja Bell clothesline and the weird lawsuit with Vanessa and The Maid.  This would be his legacy.  The guy who tried to play for $1.

He'd make the difference back in endorsements.  Whatever couldn't be compensated for monetarily would be tripled in affection.  True affection - not just admiration or "respect for his game", but Derek Fisher level "he's a good dude" - type love.  

Come on, Kobe. You've earned enough money.  What's more important, retiring super rich (which is happening either way) or retiring beloved.  You could have both.  This is a contract the Lakers would have no problem renegotiating.  Sick of hearing about the Miami Pound Machine?  Clear enough cap space to sign Carmelo in 2011.  Or fuck it, don't even sign Carmelo and just use the rest to run all of Staples Center on solar power.  

This is all a pipe dream, but hey - it would be cool.  And Kobe, if you're reading this - do it.