SBNation.com User Blog: ak4niner

Thanks for being Classy!

ak4niner — Wed, 22 May 2013 21:48:57 -0000

I just wanted to give a quick shout out to all of the TST and FG members who came over and not only wished Crabtree quick healing, but smacked down the few trolls that gleefully danced over the fact that someone got injured.

I know as rivals we should hate each other and trash talk (especially during the week before a game between us), but it is great to see that seeing someone injured is not a reason to smack talk. Thank you for that.

Here is to no more injuries for any of our teams and that we can play each other at full strength!

(I am posting this at both TST and FG because I appreciate both fanbases.)

Here is to no more injuries for any of our teams and that we can play each other at full strength!

(I am posting this at both TST and FG because I appreciate both fanbases.)

Thanks for being Classy!

ak4niner — Wed, 22 May 2013 21:40:51 -0000

Here is to no more injuries for any of our teams and that we can play each other at full strength!

(I am posting this at both TST and FG because I appreciate both fanbases.)

Here is to no more injuries for any of our teams and that we can play each other at full strength!

(I am posting this at both TST and FG because I appreciate both fanbases.)

ESPN, give me a job! v1.0

ak4niner — Thu, 09 May 2013 01:42:47 -0000

Greetings fellow football fans. In my quest to be the first fat boy from Alaska with no football playing experience to get a job at ESPN, I am starting year 2 of predictions. This year, a twist.

It’s me vs the monkeys.

For the three of you who have read my posts before, you will already know about the monkeys. Just a heads up on why the predictions stopped: the blasted monkeys got a temporary gig with the Indianapolis Colts.

MVI 4330 (via Tim Nush)

However, they are back and are going to try to prove that simians are smarter than humans.

I am asking the Niner Nation community for help. I need your superior insight and knowledge to help me refine this further. That way, I can achieve my dream of being the fat-boy from Alaska who can out-predict the staff at ESPN. (Also, it may force the monkeys to go back to Indy.)

So, onto my predictions.

AFC West

Denver Broncos 11-5

Kansas City Chiefs 9-7

San Diego Chargers 7-9

Oakland Raiders 3-13

AFC South

Houston Texans 12-4

Indianapolis Colts 11-5

Tennessee Titans 4-12

Jacksonville Jaguars 3-13

AFC North

Cincinnati Bengals 13-3

Baltimore Ravens 10-6

Cleveland Browns 5-11

Pittsburgh Steelers 4-12

AFC East

New England Patriots 12-4

Miami Dolphins 10-6

Buffalo Bills 5-11

New York Jets 3-13

NFC West

San Francisco 49ers 13-3

Seattle Seahawks 11-5

St. Louis Rams 10-6

Arizona Cardinals 4-12

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons 11-5

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7

New Orleans Saints 7-9

Carolina Panthers 6-10

NFC North

Green Bay Packers 10-6

Minnesota Vikings 9-7

Chicago Bears 6-10

Detroit Lions 6-10

NFC East

Washington Redskins 10-6

New York Giants 9-7

Philadelphia Eagles 7-9

Dallas Cowboys 6-10

Playoff seeds:

AFC

#1 Cincinnati Bengals

#2 New England Patriots (off Tiebreaker)

#3 Houston Texans

#4 Denver Broncos

#5 Indianapolis Colts

#6 Miami Dolphins (off Tiebreaker)

NFC

#1 San Francisco 49ers

#2 Atlanta Falcons

#3 Green Bay Packers (off Tiebreaker)

#4 Washington Redskins

#5 Seattle Seahawks

#6 St. Louis Rams

The Monkeys chose not to give out a win/loss record of all the teams yet. They just gave seedings.

AFC

#1 Denver Broncos

#2 Baltimore Ravens

#3 Miami Dolphins

#4 Indianapolis Colts

#5 Cincinnati Bengals

#6 Houston Texans

NFC

#1 Seattle Seahawks

#2 New Orleans Saints

#3 Green Bay Packers

#4 Dallas Cowboys

#5 Atlanta Falcons

#6 San Francisco 49ers

Some of my major off-the wall thinking reasons:

Pittsburgh: I think the age and cap issues finally hit them hard. Though they fight hard, they get forced into rebuilding mode.

Miami: They do well off the talent they bring in. Not enough to beat the Pats, but enough to squeak into the playoffs.

Baltimore: Great team, but loses one too many games. The loss to Miami keeps them out.

49ers/Seahawks: Tough call. I actually have them splitting games. Seattle gets better on the road, but won’t be there quite yet. SF has the away game issue figured out. Just don’t play Seattle at home.

Falcons: This may change in my version 2.0 of the rankings. They are a tough regular-season team, and will have a chip on their shoulder. I actually consider them one of the top 3 teams in the NFC, and a top 5 NFL team. I just think they lose a couple of close games.

Dallas: The new Oakland. While Oakland has a crummy record, they will show flashes of greatness. Dallas will just start to fall apart as Jerry Jones continues to monkey (I just smacked by a banana for that word) with the team.

Now, in the spirit of applying for the ESPN job, I will follow the example of their best people and will put out a version 2.0 in the near future. Also, the monkeys are using their dartboard-of-decision to work out the win/loss records, so that will be in 2.0.

Please roast me and let me know what I am missing. I want this job application to be as great as possible.

Greetings fellow football fans. In my quest to be the first fat boy from Alaska with no football playing experience to get a job at ESPN, I am starting year 2 of predictions. This year, a twist.

It’s me vs the monkeys.

MVI 4330 (via Tim Nush)

However, they are back and are going to try to prove that simians are smarter than humans.

So, onto my predictions.

AFC West

Denver Broncos 11-5

Kansas City Chiefs 9-7

San Diego Chargers 7-9

Oakland Raiders 3-13

AFC South

Houston Texans 12-4

Indianapolis Colts 11-5

Tennessee Titans 4-12

Jacksonville Jaguars 3-13

AFC North

Cincinnati Bengals 13-3

Baltimore Ravens 10-6

Cleveland Browns 5-11

Pittsburgh Steelers 4-12

AFC East

New England Patriots 12-4

Miami Dolphins 10-6

Buffalo Bills 5-11

New York Jets 3-13

NFC West

San Francisco 49ers 13-3

Seattle Seahawks 11-5

St. Louis Rams 10-6

Arizona Cardinals 4-12

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons 11-5

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7

New Orleans Saints 7-9

Carolina Panthers 6-10

NFC North

Green Bay Packers 10-6

Minnesota Vikings 9-7

Chicago Bears 6-10

Detroit Lions 6-10

NFC East

Washington Redskins 10-6

New York Giants 9-7

Philadelphia Eagles 7-9

Dallas Cowboys 6-10

Playoff seeds:

AFC

#1 Cincinnati Bengals

#2 New England Patriots (off Tiebreaker)

#3 Houston Texans

#4 Denver Broncos

#5 Indianapolis Colts

#6 Miami Dolphins (off Tiebreaker)

NFC

#1 San Francisco 49ers

#2 Atlanta Falcons

#3 Green Bay Packers (off Tiebreaker)

#4 Washington Redskins

#5 Seattle Seahawks

#6 St. Louis Rams

The Monkeys chose not to give out a win/loss record of all the teams yet. They just gave seedings.

AFC

#1 Denver Broncos

#2 Baltimore Ravens

#3 Miami Dolphins

#4 Indianapolis Colts

#5 Cincinnati Bengals

#6 Houston Texans

NFC

#1 Seattle Seahawks

#2 New Orleans Saints

#3 Green Bay Packers

#4 Dallas Cowboys

#5 Atlanta Falcons

#6 San Francisco 49ers

Some of my major off-the wall thinking reasons:

Pittsburgh: I think the age and cap issues finally hit them hard. Though they fight hard, they get forced into rebuilding mode.

Miami: They do well off the talent they bring in. Not enough to beat the Pats, but enough to squeak into the playoffs.

Baltimore: Great team, but loses one too many games. The loss to Miami keeps them out.

Please roast me and let me know what I am missing. I want this job application to be as great as possible.

Poll

So, would you hire me?

Yeah, but we're desperate for help.

7 votes

No. You're predicting the Bears to go 6-10. What are you smoking?

4 votes

I would, but since you didn't put the East first ESPN won't hire you.

23 votes

Dang, who uses polls anymore?

11 votes

45 votes | Poll has closed

The other 31 teams: who do you like?

ak4niner — Fri, 03 May 2013 23:59:15 -0000

Just recently an article on NN was posted asking who was our biggest rival. The argument was mostly between the Cowboys and the Seahawks with a mix of the Giants and Packers thrown in. (Honorable mention to the Rams.)

I want to turn the conversation in a different direction. There are two different trains of thought. One follows along these lines:

The other has no problems rooting for another team, though usually in the AFC. I’m not going to argue which side is right or wrong on this issue. I am going to ask this question though: Outside of the 49ers, which team do you respect the most? I have a few suggestions, but feel free to crucify me and add your own suggestions.

Baltimore Ravens: Yeah, the wound still stings with me as well. However, they are a gritty hard-nosed team that doesn’t back down. They stopped us on a furious comeback. They believe in the team. They fight until the very end. Oh, and their coach seems to know how to get the best out of his players. For me personally, I call them our "brother team" because they are very similar to us.

Kansas City Chiefs: Which among you old-timers weren’t rooting for Joe when he was a Chief? This may be just an extension because it is one of our own who was traded away to lead another organization. Say what you want about Alex Smith, but he is a baller. Plus, KC has the talent to make the Bronco’s life miserable and even have a remote chance of snatching away the AFC West title.

Houston Texans: Yet another run-first defense-oriented team. They play pretty well as long as the opposing team doesn’t have "Patriots" on their jerseys.

Washington Redskins: They have RGIII. They play the Giants and Cowboys twice a year. I’m rooting for them at least twice a year.

Minnesota Vikings: Ok, this is a crazy pick. Two letters why I respect this team: AP. They play in a very tough division, and still got to the playoffs! They are a young up-and-coming team, and will be fantastic if Ponder works out for them.

And one other team worth mentioning.

Nobody: The only team that has it better than us.

Crabtree and his evil tweet.

ak4niner — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:24:21 -0000

As I was going through my twitter today, I came upon a Crabtree tweet. It went something along the lines of this:

I hate ... people . make a story out of it...

So, I have decided to make a story out of this.

Michael Crabtree (aka @KingCrab15) is the #1 WR for the San Francisco 49ers. After going through his diva-like tendencies for the first couple of years, he finally this year had a decent season due to Kaepernick. With a strong running game for defenses to worry about, as well as a great QB, Crabtree was finally able to get open on a few routes. With some sheer luck as well as the occasional decent play, Crabtree and the 49ers squeaked their way to the Superbowl.

Despite Crabtree, the 49ers lost by only 3 points. Crabtree then became known after the superbowl loss as not only a whiner (he complained about "losing vision" or some nonsense like that) but as the anti-clutch receiver (couldn't catch a cold on that final drive). As if this wasn't bad enough, then he posts that he "hate people" and dares people to make a story out of it. As if he didn't give a [site decorum] about what people thought.

Well, Mr. Diva, we do care. You wish to hate people, then people will hate you right back. We are going to stop defending your mediocre play. We're not going to say "Well, he's a 49er, so we'll let him get away with stuff" anymore. We are going to call you out on everything, from your stone hands to your attitude to your brand of paper towels.

We are 49er fans. Not only should you not hate us you diva, but you should kiss the ground us fans walk on! I ask every real 49er fan to call out this monstrosity and hold him accountable.

Who's with me?

Here is the actual tweet.

Note: This is intended as satire. I am only saying this because I'm sure someone will take me seriously and start calling me all sorts of evil things if I didn't make it perfectly clear that this was satire.

As I was going through my twitter today, I came upon a Crabtree tweet. It went something along the lines of this:

I hate ... people . make a story out of it...

So, I have decided to make a story out of this.

We are 49er fans. Not only should you not hate us you diva, but you should kiss the ground us fans walk on! I ask every real 49er fan to call out this monstrosity and hold him accountable.

Who's with me?

Here is the actual tweet.

Reflections and random thoughts about the season.

ak4niner — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 00:26:27 -0000

First off, DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!

Now that I got that out of the way...

This has been a fascinating season. Everyone remember at the beginning of the season where people said things like "You won't sneak up on teams" to "regression to the mean" to "Seahawks are winning the NFC West?

Remember when Kaepernick was too raw to start, and would need another two years?

How about the defense couldn't be that good because the turnover ratio was unsustainable?

The WWL curse? How the Patriots never lose at home in December?

Of course, there was our share of heartaches as well.

Brandon Jacobs. Kendall Hunter and Kyle Williams on IR at the same time. Akers doing his version of "regression to the mean". Losing the Superbowl.

I wanted to write something more profound, more humorous, more knowledgeable. Maybe in a few weeks I can do that.

I will settle for saying these final thoughts. First, we're going to get stronger from this. Harbaugh and co. is not going to just roll over and die; they will use this as a motivational tool to get back and win #6. Kaepernick is a real QB. We can overcome adversity. And this beats out the decade of despair by a factor of millions.

The #questforsix is not over until we get #6. I am a Niner fan for life.

GO NINERS! First off, DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!

Now that I got that out of the way...

Remember when Kaepernick was too raw to start, and would need another two years?

How about the defense couldn't be that good because the turnover ratio was unsustainable?

The WWL curse? How the Patriots never lose at home in December?

Of course, there was our share of heartaches as well.

Brandon Jacobs. Kendall Hunter and Kyle Williams on IR at the same time. Akers doing his version of "regression to the mean". Losing the Superbowl.

I wanted to write something more profound, more humorous, more knowledgeable. Maybe in a few weeks I can do that.

The #questforsix is not over until we get #6. I am a Niner fan for life.

GO NINERS!

Congrats to the champs.

ak4niner — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 00:05:05 -0000

I wanted to make a post like this earlier in the week, but I hope you understand why it took me a few days.

First off, damn that was a good game. I knew the Ravens would be tough, but I never expected my team to get 22 behind. Your D played just phenomenal, and the O was pretty dang good. And even though I liked Boldon's play, I will admit that Flacco deserved MVP. (Maybe my initial reluctance was because I think QB's get too much credit and/or blame.)

Now, I'm here to say what my honor requires me to say (as well as I think it's truth). The ... better ... team ... won ... the ... Superbowl. (Ok RavenousUte, you can remove that sword from my hamstring now.)

I'm not going to say the refs lost it for us. That would be as bogus as saying the lights out caused us to be able to come back. I will admit I yelled at that TV on a few calls though. But the Ravens built a 22-point lead. That was not due to the refs. That was due to Flacco and co. playing a hell of a game.

One more thing. It was fun trash-talking with you all. It was kept (mostly) civil throughout the two weeks prior. I had fun with you guys. I'm not going to jump on the Raven bandwagon, but out of all the AFC teams I have the most respect for you guys. I have a sneaking suspicion that we may see another Harbowl in the next few years. Best of luck to you guys in the future.

Oh, and BaltimoronBB, remember that 40-burger thing you said? Ha ha!

I wanted to make a post like this earlier in the week, but I hope you understand why it took me a few days.

Oh, and BaltimoronBB, remember that 40-burger thing you said? Ha ha!

Team of Destiny.

ak4niner — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 02:02:24 -0000

Welcome to the Super Bowl! Where dreams are realized, legends are made, and teams establish their destiny.

Destiny.

It's been said the Baltimore Ravens are the team of destiny for this Super Bowl. They've fought adversities, had things go their way, Ray Lewis is playing his last game. They beat the Patriots, the old dynasty.

I've got two words for this.

SCREW DESTINy.

The 49ers don't give a honey badger about destiny. Did we have the other side lose their premier corner during the game? No. Did we have Brady do a stupid and forget to call a timeout? No. Did we have a team that forgot how to catch? No.

Our Ravens brethren like to state the regular season don't matter. Only the playoffs. So let's look at the Championship games.

The Ravens v Patriots. The Patriots lost their best TE before the game. During the game, they lost a valuable RB and their best CB. Their QB, known for being able to be rattled, got rattled. The Ravens went in hungry, the Patriots went in ho-hum. That mistake probably cost them the game, and allowed the "team of destiny" to get to the Super Bowl.

Now, the 49ers v Falcons. The Falcons just beat a red-hot Seahawk team. They had their key players in. Matty Ice was red-hot along with their two premier WR's and Gonzales. With the monkey off their back, destiny looked to favor the Falcons. When they started the game, a blown coverage gave the Falcons the early lead. Over the next quarter, they developed a 17-point lead. Insurmountable. The Niners hadn't overcome a point deficit like that all season.

Did they give in to Destiny? Did they just surrender? No. They told destiny to take a hike and grabbed their opportunity. They fought. They never gave up. When it looked like Ryan, who had a great day thus far, would throw a winning pass, Bowman told destiny to stick it.

Why is this important to tomorrow's game? Because the 49ers are not about to just give up. They know how to play and adapt. (See: Falcons scored nothing in second half despite great offensive numbers) They are hungry. They have been disrespected, and have something to prove.

Do we really think that the Mad Scientist will let his got-everything-he-wanted big brother to just get a trophy because it's his destiny? Do we honestly think that after the pain and suffering, the decade of shame endured, that we're going to let a bunch of carrion-scavenging car pooping bullying BIRDS get the trophy because destiny says it belongs to them?

It is time for the San Francisco 49ers team to pound destiny to the turf and TAKE the Lombardi trophy.

We have the best TEAM in the NFL. Our team compliments each other, helps each other out. We don't have one or two superstars. We have a TEAM. And after this Sunday, everyone in the NFL will know it.

GO NINERS!

Welcome to the Super Bowl! Where dreams are realized, legends are made, and teams establish their destiny.

Destiny.

I've got two words for this.

SCREW DESTINy.

Our Ravens brethren like to state the regular season don't matter. Only the playoffs. So let's look at the Championship games.

It is time for the San Francisco 49ers team to pound destiny to the turf and TAKE the Lombardi trophy.

We have the best TEAM in the NFL. Our team compliments each other, helps each other out. We don't have one or two superstars. We have a TEAM. And after this Sunday, everyone in the NFL will know it.

GO NINERS!

Pre-season predictions: How well did I do?

ak4niner — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 06:23:00 -0000

Way back when, before the season started, I made some predictions, including what the regular season records were as well as who made the playoffs. With the 49ers having a bye week, I decided to look at my pre-season predictions and compare them to what actually happened.

Guess what; my predictions sucked. Not really a surprise since I hold the consecutive whammy record. To compound on my self-degradation, I am going to post my feeble analysis here for all to see (and laugh).

Prediction 1: The Jets will fall apart this year; locker room woes will show on the field.

I was dead-on on this. Congrats to the Jets for coining a new term: Butt-Fumble.

Prediction 2: San Diego QB Phillip Rivers gets hurt in week 1.

This was my odd out there prediction. Epic fail, kind of like the Chargers season.

Prediction 3: Nicks of the Giants will be hurt longer than expected.

I honestly don't remember. Can someone help me out with this?

Prediction 4: The Saints issues will haunt them a good part of the season.

Seven and Nine. Worst defense by far in the league. Chalk this up to a good prediction.

Prediction 5: Peyton Manning is good to go and will play most (if not all) of the season.

Not only is the guy playing, but he's showing his football smarts and leadership. He's the reason the Broncos are the #1 seed in the AFC. I think the Broncos would have made the playoffs without him, but he nudged them up.

Prediction 6: The Rams don't have injury woes this year.

Well, comparing them to last year, this was true. However, Amendola was hurt on and off. Minor success.

Now, onto the Records.

AFC East

Predictions

Wow those Bills were disappointing. I thought their D would start playing to their potential. I guess their potential was very low. Patriots played well, as usual. I thought they would falter just enough to miss. Dolphins were a pleasant surprise.

Got one of them right! Go Cleveland! I also predicted the Steelers going down this year though I was a game off. Ravens and Bengals both made it, though I had them reversed.

Well, what do you know...another right prediction. Texans did what I thought they would do. Colts were the big surprise; hard to be mad considering the whole head coach story. I didn't expect the Titans to regress like they did, and Jacksonville still is cruddy.

Broncos are my third correct pick. Otherwise the only thing I can say is I predicted a tie this year! (Yeah yeah, wrong teams, but I still predicted it. Name one other who did...) I was wrong here on so many levels.

The records were close; I just had the teams wrong. Thanks RGIII and Alfred Morris; you messed up my predictions. Giants played a few more good games than I thought. Dallas...well...thank you for making me wrong.

This one was a bit surprising. The Bears had all the elements to win except that pesky O-line thing. Third place with a 10-6 record...what a bum deal for Lovie Smith. Packers looked bad at the beginning, but got in a groove to win the division. (Hey, I got their record right!) I honestly didn't expect AP to do as well as he did; Vikings have had a great season. And to the Lions...may the Schwartz be with you. (I expected a regression, but not THAT much.)

Ok, I admit it. I was wrong about the Falcons. To the Falcon fans, I apologize for doubting you. I got two teams right (Bucs and Saints). I thought the Panthers were ready to contend; maybe next year.

See, I told you I got those ties predicted! I also predicted the Cardinals record, and that we would win the division. My sleeper pick (the Rams) didn't make it to the playoffs, but they had a good rebuilding season. As far as the Seahawks, I was assuming at the time Flynn was going to start. Whoops.

Playoff teams: I predicted 4 of 6 AFC teams, and 2 of 6 NFC teams. My hits were the Broncos (picked right seed), Bengals, Texans (picked right seed), Ravens, 49ers, and Packers. My misses were the Bills, Raiders, Bears, Panthers, Cowboys and Rams.

Overall, for my first year of putting out the predictions for everyone to look at, I think I did OK. I did learn a few things though.

Records are very hard to predict. You may predict events, but it will affect the records less than you thought.
If you're going to predict how long an injury occurs, at least pay attention!
Never predict based off of an oddball injury.
The term butt-fumble.

I have enjoyed my first full year of being a member of Niners Nation. Thank you all for your insight; it has helped me to be a better fan.
(And ESPN, if you want to hire me for six figures for my awesome prediction skills, Fooch can get you my email.)