SBNation.com User Blog: arm.bar.bandit

Flirting With Danger

arm.bar.bandit — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 19:44:22 -0000

We hear it over and over again: MMA is the fastest growing sport right now. It's merely in diapers compared to most other major sports. There are a number of steps that our sport has taken in the past 20 years that have lead us to the place we are in right now. However, it's been an uphill battle. We are still swimming upstream in New York. First we must thank professional boxing for helping us get to the point at which we are being broadcast on mainstream television.

Dear Boxing, thank you for being the perfect example of what not to do. There were periods of time when MMA could've been stomped down and kicked to the curb. Perhaps MMA promoters didn't know what to do at those times. But they knew what not to do, and sometimes that's enough to get to the next step.

The NFL, NBA, and MLB are sports worth paying attention to. They've succeeded as entertainment based sports as well as businesses. Much can be learned if we pay attention.

Many maniacs here view baseball as a boring game. Perhaps that's true, but it depends on how you look at it. Baseball is a thinking man's game, a game of numbers. The law of averages is applied in sometimes every pitch of every game. There are stats on top of stats and you can bet that those numbers are used to increase the odds of winning where ever possible.

In MMA we use stats as well. We factor a fighter's rate of finishing his opponents. We pay close attention to their records. We even factor in how a fighter performs amongst top 5 or top 10 competition.

There's a formula in MLB that has become more popular as a way to rate a batter's level of danger in the batter's box: slugging percentage. A players batting average tells us how often he will get on base (walks not included). If a guy carries an average of .333 then we know 1 of every 3 plate appearances will result in said batter reaching base. However a grand slam carries the same 1 hit value as a ground ball hit up the middle and into center field. Slugging percentage assigns different values for different types of hits. To calculate a batter's slugging percentage we must do the following:

Total # of singles + 2 (total number of doubles) + 3 (total number of triples) + 4 (total number of homeruns) / (divided by) total number of at bats = slugging percentage. So as you can see a double is worth 2x what a single is, a triple 3x, and the long ball gets the x4. This statistic is the sole reason why Barry Bonds and Babe Ruth have been walked many more times than your average hitter: because they are dangerous. Slugging percentage changes a pitcher's game plan on how they are going to minimize damage taken by the kings of the long ball.

So what the hell, let's pull that formula over here to MMA and see what it tells us. Let's call this the danger rating.

Total # of split decisions + 2 (total number of unanimous decisions) + 3 (total # of 5th round wins via KO/TKO/Submission/Dr stoppage) + 4 (# of 4th round stoppages) + 5 (# of 3rd round stoppages) + 6 (# of 2nd round stoppages) + 7 (# of 1st round stoppages) / (divided by) total number of wins. Losses and draws are not factored in. The maximum danger rating that can be assigned to any fighter is 7. If a guy is 5-0 with 5 first round KOsthen his formula would be 7 x 5 / 5. 35 / 5 is 7. If the guy was 5-0 with 4 first round KOs and 1 second round KO then his formula would be 1x6 (6 being the rating assigned to a 2nd round finish) + (7 x 4). (6 + 28) / 5 = 6.8. His danger rating is a 6.8 out of 7. Let's run some numbers:

Rashad Evans comes into his fight against Jones carrying a danger rating of 3.7. No surprise there, right? We could all safely agree that most wrestlers will have lower danger ratings. Now, run Jon Jones through the formula and he comes in with a danger rating of 6.47. That's a dangerous man. The numbers say Rashad's best shot at winning is to stay out of striking range. Or do they?

How about Fitch vs Hendricks? Fitch rolled in with a rating of 3.74, Hendricks a danger rating of 4.83. The numbers didn't lie in that one.

Now, the money shot. GSP comes into his fight against Carlos Condit with a danger rating of 4.55. That's not too bad considering the recent rash of decision wins. Fitch is sporting a 3.74 in nearly the same number of wins. Condit, on the other hand, comes in carrying a staggering rating of 6.21. I've been asked numerous times why I've stood behind Condit the whole time: because he's dangerous. He beats guys at their own game, consistently. And his list of first round stoppages is long. Outside of his danger rating he showed his ability to go the other way to beat Nick. A fighter carrying a high danger rating that shows the ability to control their level of danger leads to even further danger, IMO.

So, what does all this mean?

Not much, really, and that's the reason I love this sport. Anything can happen. It's also the reason I love baseball. We can run numbers on top of numbers and something different than anticipated can occur at any moment. The old saying says that numbers don't lie. Perhaps they don't, perhaps they do. But numbers can't be used to predict everything because there are some things that don't carry a numeric value. That's life. The law of averages is ready to be smashed around any give turn. If you put your left foot in a pot of boiling water and your right foot in a pot of ice water then your average temperature should be around normal body temperature, right?

The NFL, NBA, and MLB are sports worth paying attention to. They've succeeded as entertainment based sports as well as businesses. Much can be learned if we pay attention.

So what the hell, let's pull that formula over here to MMA and see what it tells us. Let's call this the danger rating.

How about Fitch vs Hendricks? Fitch rolled in with a rating of 3.74, Hendricks a danger rating of 4.83. The numbers didn't lie in that one.

So, what does all this mean?

To Interview a Legend You Have To Be a Legendary Interviewer

arm.bar.bandit — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 04:36:35 -0000

For at least 2 weeks dozens of regulars here have asked the same question:

"Where's ABB? He hasn't been here routinely like before."

Since you asked I will answer. It's really quite simple. I have a hectic work schedule that requires a minimum of 60 hours per week. I look forward to having a few laughs and the occasional MMA conversation at the end of the day. A few weeks back I managed to secure an interview with Cain Velasquez. The reason I secured that face time is because I am 36 years old and have a few decades of experience in being confident and using emotion as a simple way to manipulate the interviewee into wanting to do the interview. Given the sharpness of this personality trait I am often asked to extend the time of the interview. Sometimes that's possible but often times it's not.

The reason I mention this is because these things take time out of my nights and weekends, leaving less time to post comments on Mania. However, Tom (the owner of this site) has agreed to pay me to complete these interviews. His thought is that if I am getting paid to do these interviews I will look at them as a job, not a social activity. That allows me to seperate work from pleasure and ultimately leads to more time for me to be in the trenches with the peasants at mania. Site hits go way up when ABB hits the thread. Tom readily admits that my attendance makes the difference between profit and punishment.

The wife and I were in Vegas last weekend so I decided to head on over to Xtreme Couture and see if the natural himself would do an interview with me.

For at least 2 weeks dozens of regulars here have asked the same question:

"Where's ABB? He hasn't been here routinely like before."

The wife and I were in Vegas last weekend so I decided to head on over to Xtreme Couture and see if the natural himself would do an interview with me.

I walked in to the gym and straight to the front desk. There stood a doable blonde, probably an 8 of 10.

Blonde receptionist (BR): how can I help you?

ABB: I'd like to interview Randy Couture right away.

BR: (chuckles) are you being serious?

ABB: (chuckles back) yeah i am soooooo serious. Just go back there and tell Randy that I'm here.

BR: is he expecting you?

ABB: what does that have anything to do with this? Is your real personality really this ditsy?

BR: does a bear shit in the woods?

ABB: not a polar bear. Let's stop with the hypothetical questions. Trying to be a smart ass with me is not recomended. Now, pretty please, with sugar on top, will you tell Randy I am here for the interview.

BR: (picks up the phone) ok, yes, mmm hmmm, he's here for an interview, sure...I'll let him know. Randy is finishing up a private grappling lesson and will be here shortly. You're welcome to have a seat.

ABB: i'd love to but I've got a hemroid the size of your thumb hanging out of my chocolate slide. Do you have one of those donut shaped pillows that's open in the middle?

BR: uhhhhh, I don't think so. Oh- but guess what?

ABB: chicken butt.

BR: no but here comes Randy.

ABB: I bet you say that every time he mounts you. Hey- is that Grey Maynard?

BR: yes, Randy just finished a private lesson in the back sparring room.

Randy Couture: Hi, I'm Randy.

ABB: nice to see you again, Randy.

Randy: have we met before?

ABB: no, but that's irrelevant.

Randy: Irrelevant to what?

ABB: let's not over complicate it. I'm ABB.

Randy: nice to meet you ABB.

ABB: it is. I'm glad you are getting the opportunity to meet me and be interviewed by me.

Randy: Have a seat.

ABB: I'd love to but if I sit on that couch it's going to look like and animal was slaughtered when I stand up.

Randy: what? Hey ABB, you got a light (puts a cigarette in his mouth)?

ABB: no. You smoke? Given all the workout videos of yours that I've seen I would have never pegged you a smoker.

Randy: I'm not a smoker. I only smoke after really good sex.

ABB: huh? But that was you and Grey in a private session. Are you saying....

Randy: leave it alone, ABB.

ABB: done.

Randy: so what do you want to know about me?

ABB: when you were in that movie "Brokeback Mountain" did you feel just a little attracted to Heath?

Randy: I wasn't in that movie.

ABB: how do you know?

Randy: know what? I was never in that movie.

ABB: whatever, suit yourself.

Randy: I was in "The Expendables" last summer with Sly Stallone.

ABB: How long did it take before you realized that the name of that movie was a description of your fighting career?

Randy: do you want to talk about MMA or dudes on horses making out with each other?

ABB: the latter but let's talk about MMA for a second. Did you know that your nipples won an award at the Oscars?

Randy: uhhhh...no.

ABB: me neither.

Randy: so why did you ask me that?

ABB: because that's what MMAMania pays me for, to ask the questions our readers want answers to.

Randy: so you work for mmamania?

ABB: please don't interrupt me. Let's not forget that I am the interviewer here. So tell me this, Randy. If you and Rashad Evans did a tittie twister on each other whose nipples would be more aroused?

Randy: how the hell would I know?

ABB: well, let me put it to you this way- if you could be any nationality other than caucasian which ethnicity would you choose?

Randy: uhhh, black?

ABB: so you don't like latinos or asians?

Randy: I didn't say I didn't like latinos or asians.

ABB: yes you did. You just did.

Randy: are you trying to say I'm racist?

ABB: I don't have to say that, you just did.

Randy: are you out of your fu**ing mind?

ABB: most of the time, yes. But anyway, moving right along. How many guys take showers here at the same time, and are there private stalls or is it like prison?

Randy: upwards of 6 to 8 guys at a time, no stalls.

ABB: a regular old bath house. I knew they still existed.

Randy: Bath house?

ABB: nevermind. If you happen to be in the shower with your son Brian do you ever sneak a peek at his tree trunk to see who is bigger?

Randy: no, absolutely not. And his name is Ryan, not Brian.

ABB: keep telling yourself that. Maybe that way you can convince yourself that it's true.

Randy: it is true, I named him.

ABB: no you didn't.

Randy: yes, I did.

ABB: that's not always recognized as the best way to deal with crabs or athlete's foot.

Randy: what's not recognized?

ABB: cleaning the bath house with bleach.

Randy: look, I'd love to finish this but I have no idea what you're talking about.

ABB: Did you finish yourself or Grey Maynard off in that private room?

Randy: we're done here.

ABB: one last question: how can you call yourself "the natural" when you have breast implants?

Randy: goodbye (stands up and leaves)

ABB Sits Down With Cain Velasquez

arm.bar.bandit — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 03:39:57 -0000

The other day I was reading through comments and fan posts written by our regular posters here at Mania. I noticed that many of our regulars write killer fan posts. Then I started thinking and it dawned on me that most of the people here have something to give to the site. And then there's those who continue to take from the site. Which one of these catagories was I in? Did I have a dish to bring to this potluck or was I the guy who showed up empty handed, grubbed on the food, and left dirty dishes in the sink?

This architect from San Diego asked me to to come down to Burlingame, CA, to budget a job for him. Burlingame is 40 minutes south of me and 15 minutes north of San Jose. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to drive 10 miles south to San Jose, home of AKA, to see if I could get in an interview with one of their fighters.

Sure enough when I arrived and walked into the gym I saw Cain Velasquez on his way out after practice. So I asked him if I could do a short interview with him. To my surprise he said yes. Follow me after the jump to see what Cain had to say.

Cain: Who do you write for?

ABB: Myself. I'm not associated with any particular organization. I'm more or less a free agent.

Cain: Well where do you plan on publishing this interview?

ABB: Last time I checked I was the interviewer and you were the interviewee. Why don't you leave the questions to me? I am on a tight schedule right now. I need to get this done in a timely fashion so I can move on to more important tasks. Just answer the questions. And don't answer a question with another question. If you ramble on about things they will likely get edited out. So are you ready to move on and get to the interview or do you want to play mind games?

Cain: Yes, let's move on.

ABB: I wouldn't be upset if you apologized for being rude.

Cain: Sorry about that.

ABB: You should be so let's both just move on.

Cain: Let's do that.

ABB: What was your reaction to the comments that Jon Fitch made to the media?

Cain: What comments?

ABB: Oh, you didn't hear. Don't worry about it.

Cain: What did he say? I need to know.

ABB: I don't remember word for word but he he basically said that you suck as a fighter, that you are overrated, that you sometimes go 3 or 4 days without taking a shower, and that you constantly plug up the toilet with massive dumps and never once have you bothered to get a plunger and take care of it. He also said that sometimes you poop in a plastic bag and put it in one of your teammates locker.

Cain: What? He said that about me?

ABB: Well yes, that was part of it.

Cain: What's the other part then?

ABB: Nothing major. That you like to fart in a hat then scoop the odor into someone's face.

Cain: I'm gonna kill that mother f**ker.

ABB: Well let's stay on track here. Let's talk about Brock. How did it feel to systematically dismantle Brock Larsen?

Cain: You mean Brock Lesner?

ABB: Him too? Just answer the question. You just did it again- answered a question with a question. I told you not to do that. One more time and I'm outta here. I'm far too busy to deal with you wanting to do my job.

Cain: I wasn't trying to answer a question with a question. I was just correcting your mix up with the 2 Brocks.

ABB: It wasn't a mix up. I'm well aware that there are 2 Brocks. I wanted to talk about Brock Larsen first. Let's not put the cart before the horse.

Cain: But I never fought Brock Larsen.

ABB: Yeah but what does that have to do with anything?

Cain: What? I'm lost.

ABB: Yes, you are. You seem to want to talk about things in your own order but I need to remind you that this is my interview.

Cain: What order? All I said was that I never fought Brock.

ABB: Well who the hell did you take the belt from then?

Cain: From Brock Lesner.

ABB: But you just said that you never fought Brock. You going back on your story or something?

Cain: No, I'm saying that I never fought Brock Larsen. I fought Brock Lesner. They are 2 totally different people.

ABB: I'm aware of that. Since you took the title from Brock Lesner why don't we talk about that instead of Brock Larsen? I fail to see what your point is with this story.

Cain: Story? What story? Where is there a story?

ABB: You fought Rick Story too? He's significantly smaller than you. That doesn't seem fair.

Cain: No I never fought Rick Story.

ABB: Then why are you talking about him?

Cain: Talking about who?

ABB: Brock Larsen. Or are you saying that Rick Story is going to fight Brock Larsen?

Cain: No that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that Rick Story has nothing to do with this interview.

ABB: I'm aware of that. That's why i don't understand how if I talk about you telling a story all the sudden you say you are going to fight Rick Story. It makes no sense.

Cain: What the hell is going on here?

ABB: You are fabricating lies. Say we were talking about wrestling and I said I was going to put you in a full Nelson. Would you assume I was talking about Roy Nelson?

Cain: No, I wouldn't bring up Roy Nelson. He has nothing to do with wrestling.

ABB: Well of course, but he is a black belt. How long have you been wanting to fight Roy Nelson?

Cain: I didn't say that. Get your story straight about Brock or Roy Nelson.

ABB: So are you saying that the winner of Rick Story vs Brock Larsen will face Roy Nelson?

Cain: Jesus F**king Christ. I am totally confused.

ABB: As am I as well. You keep bringing up all these fighters that are in different weight classes like this is some kind of tournament in 1993. All I wanted to talk about was you winning the title.

Cain: Ok let's talk about the title then. What do you want to know?

ABB: I haven't given this piece a title yet. But it will probably be "ABB interviews Able Velasquez".

Cain: Able? What the f**k are you talking about?

ABB: Your brother, Able. You know, Cain and Able from the Bible.

Cain: The Bible? What?

ABB: It's a book of stories written some 1600+ years ago.

Cain: I'm aware of what the bible is but why do you say it's a book of stories?

ABB: Dude, there's no way that Rick Story was around that long ago. How can you say that?

Cain: I can't take this anymore. The bones in my jaw hurt because of this.

ABB: So are you saying that Jon Bones Jones is a dentist or a specialist of the mandible.

Cain: Have a nice day, I gotta go.

ABB: Yeah you too. Thanks for the rediculous interview. I feel like I learned less about you and more about Brock Larsen, Rick Story, Roy Nelson, and Bones Jones.

Live from Oakland with the Bandit

arm.bar.bandit — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 13:16:00 -0000

This time I decided to do a live event in style. Why not? The UFC was coming to my hood so why not spring for some good tickets? We'd sat in the $200 seats a few times before and spent 90% of the viewing experience with eyes layed upon the screen above the cage. After the last card I did that for, which was Chuck vs. Babalu, I swore I would never go to another live event in those seats. And I never again will go unless I'm down on the floor.

We priced ourselves 8 rows back from the cage. Great view, although I do believe the best view in the house is the first 5 rows up from floor level. However, without having that ticket with a floor level seat number you don't get to be a floor level fan. And as I learned, being the floor level fan is worth it's weight in gold. That's where all the action is. I had the opportunity to get pictures with fighters. I'm not an autograph guy because I just don't get that whole concept, but if I was I would've had a dozen or more autographs.

We live in the day and age of technology. Everyone has a phone with a camera on it. Me and my crew are Iphone idiots, and a few of us had the Iphone 4. Now we've all heard that this phone is riddled with problems but that hasn't been our experience. That phone is the perfect live event gadget: it has a 5 megapixle camera, a flash, and most important: one of those reversable screens so when you take your own pic you can see the image before you take the pic. That right there allows you to roam around on the floor, spot a fighter or celeb, roll up to him or her, ask for a pic, and get right in there and snap it quickly. This assures that you will get your pic. Most of the rest of the people are waiting for the camera guy, or giving that jackass camera instructions, or bogged down because theres 2 or more of them waiting while the bandit just slides in and gets his shot.

So who'd we see? Court Mcgee was buzzing around us all night. Nice guy, very humble (for now). Cain Velasquez was in our section. Benavenidez (the WEC guy) was right there. Randy was all over the floor giving out graphs and pics like candy- he's about the coolest UFC celeb you can wander upon. And, of all people, right in front of me was James Toney. He wasn't talking any trash, and believe me, I spoke to him a few times to see if he would and he was all smiles. He surprised me- he was very friendly with the fans. He did leave in the 3rd round of the Silva/Sonnen bash though. That was likely his way of saying that MMA is boring. After all, he did sit through the Fitch experience. Of course, this is Oakland, so MC Hammer was there dressed like a pimp. And the local 209 boys were right there too. Nick and Nate had no problem taking pics with fans. Nate looks like he's in the midst of a good training camp as his face was a little bruised up. Both of these guys are pretty cool and very respectful. There were others but you have to kind of pick and choose your wandering time because they close off the wandering paths while fighters are entering and exiting the cage. This left me stranded in other areas a few times so I quickly learned to hover within my section.

The undercard was descent. The best fight there, in my opinion, was Struve vs. Morecraft. Christian Morecraft put an absolute whoopin on Struve in the first round. Beat him around the cage like he stole something. Struve emerged from the round with a lower lip that made fat albert look like Angelina Jolie. I could see the desperation in his eyes as the 2nd was about to start. He looked like a man that knew he only had a few more minutes until he was going to be Nelsoned. And he indeed acted that way as he came out and pulled off a magnificent KO, sending Morecraft to the mat and forcing the ref to call it quits. As he exited the the cage and walked by us back to the locker room his trainer was following behind him carrying his lip the way a bridesmaid carries a brides dress as she walks down the aisle.

Johny Hendricks is always fun to watch. Here's a guy that looks like the tree hippie who prunes up the oak trees in my neighborhood. Soft spoken, crackly voice, and a beard that resembles that of Jesus. Then he rolls in and puts an ass whooping on poor Charlie. Lucy managed to pull the chair out from Charlie thats for sure.

Mr. Wonderful seemed to be content with beating up on Rodney Wallace without finishing him. In every round he was in a position to finish but he didn't.

And then came the main card. To my surprise, Roy vs. JDS came first. This was the fight I came to the event for. It may have seemed like a lopsided beatdown on TV, but live- it was not. I never expected Roy to take that kind of punishment and stay living. He went down a number of times and was wobbled but got right back up. Incredible chin last night. Seemed like every uppercut JDS threw blasted Roy boy in the mask. And at the end of every round Roy would sit down, lift up his belly flap, take a few bites of the burrito he kept there, put it back, and go back out there and give Junior the hardest fight he's had. Roy almost had the double leg in the 2nd. That was his only chance of winning that. But wow, I was impressed by Roy's determination.

Ricardo Almeida looked like he either just came off of a crank run or out of a concentration camp. He didn't look healthy. Props to Hughes. Put him to sleep following a chin check left hook. He called it "an old wrestling move." I didn't know what the hell to call it either, and neither did Buffer. Seemed like a semi contorted version of an arm triangle choke. What ever you want to call it though, Hughes managed to surprise yet another Gracie guy. I'm surprised Nick and Nate didn't jump the cage and start a brawl.

As I watched Guida vs. dos Anjos go into the third, I was telling a buddy of mine that it appears as though people have learned how to defend against Guida's relentless style and pace. His last few fights have seemed to be kind of the same to me. The submission here came out of nowhere to the crowd. We were all left wondering what the hell happened until we saw Rafael holding his jaw. And then I felt really bad for him. Looks like he will be eating out of a straw for the next 6 weeks. Bummer- I hate to see anyone have to go through that.

And good old Fitch. All I can say is that the Fitch fight afforded me the opportunity to to get up and use the bathroom. A real snoozer. My section was booing from the midway point of round 1 on. Wow. They made this the co-main event? That shocked me. I don't even want to comment. His hometown crowd was severely disappointed with his performance. He was the only local fighter on the card and the crowd didn't even want to root for him after the first round. Say what you want, but Fitch ought to pay attention to his local crowd.

Chael Sonnen did most of what he said he was going to do. The quote that rings out in my mind is, "I'm going to throw him on his back and beat a hole in his face." And that he did, for better than 4.5 rounds. Unfortunately, as we all know, that's not good enough to win a fight. Silva found his opening, argueably in lucky fashion, and pulled off the counter upset. Sonnen was pulling off one of the top 2 upsets of the year (tied with Fedor/Werdum, IMO), until the upsetter was upset in the 5th. Incredible. What's most incredible to me is that he ragdolled Andy like that. One thing me and the fellas were wondering throughout the fight was why the hell Anderson was making no attempt to get off of his back or submit. He had the absolute laziest guard I have ever seen from a black belt. There was talk of a broken or bruised rib online after so maybe that had something to do with it. I don't know. When you're there live you don't get any Rogan blow by blow, which is ok with me because you actually see the fight for what it is, without someone's opinion in your ear. Nonetheless, that was an intense fight. The crowd was on it's feet from the beginning, minus the hot ass chick a few seats away who drank herself silly then took a few hits of a blunt going around. She was KO'd for most of the main card. The crowd was all boo's when Sonnen came out, but all in favor of Sonnen after they saw him punish Andy for 1 round. I will have to say though, Andy never really looked like he was in that much trouble. One of my buddies put $500 on Sonnen to win $1800 and lost his voice in that fight. He was all too sure about Chael, taunting his supposed new pile of cash. The look on his face when Andy hooked the leg over Sonnen's neck in the fifth was priceless. With the very last bit of voice he had left he could be heard barking, "He didn't tap, he didn't tap!" Poor guy.

But that's why we love this sport. You just never know what you're going to get, or what version of that fighter will show up that night. I was gald to be there. Being down there on the floor is the only way to fly. And if you can't afford to sit down there, then be creative. There's always a way to get there if you wait for your opening, like Andy did. Just don't wait until the end of the 5th to do it.

So, what did y'all think about the alleged best card of the year?

Mr. Wonderful seemed to be content with beating up on Rodney Wallace without finishing him. In every round he was in a position to finish but he didn't.

So, what did y'all think about the alleged best card of the year?