For a brief shining moment, Phil Kessel was allowed to believe that Brian Burke thought he was a better hockey player than anyone the Leafs GM could draft in the first round of the next two years.   That’s gotta make a young man feel pretty good about his talent, his career, his future in the National Hockey League.   That kind of confidence should lead to some pretty inspired play and, for a sniper like Kessel, lotsa pucks in the net for my beloved Buds.

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Burke manages to move some poor performers with ridiculous contracts like Toskela and Blake and arguably comes out way ahead to boot.  Now Colangelo manages to move Turkoglu who, frankly, had a Blake like year but without the effort and sportsmanship.

I'm starting to wonder if other GMs see Toronto as a city that players just can't play in.  If you took the Leafs and moved them to Winnipeg, would they suddenly win 15 more games?  Or the Raptors to KC?

Help me out here, smart guys. How else could these kind of deals happen?

So I was lounging in the tub enjoying my Toronto Star sports page when I read that Viktor Stalberg is not impressed with the Frat Pack nick name for the collegiate crew (Hanson, Bozak and Stalberg) and he challenges us to do better.

How about the "Sons of Zaki Berg" line?

"2 men and a Bozak"?

"Plus 4.0"?

"We're smarter than you so let us score"?

What is the last named line the Leafs have had?  Wasn't it the Hounds?

I was watching that interview last night and it kinda made me fear for Kessel's long-term success in Toronto.  You know how some people are bright and know it and come across as arrogant assholes?  And how some people are not bright and don't know it and come across as arrogant buffoons? 

Well, Kessel struck me as one of those guys who's on the edge of not-bright but knows it and is always worried about getting caught out and/or made to look foolish.  Just the way he was shifting around and darting his eyes like he was pulled out of shop class and asked to explain to the principal why the dope-sniffing dog stopped at his locker.  Maybe it's some combination of immaturity and a lack of cranial horsepower but if he was trying to sell me a dime bag, I would have demanded a tester first.

Don't get me wrong, I think he'll be great for us on the ice - there's been lots of not-bright players that do well in the NHL - but I hope he gets a little leeway from the Toronto media.  He's been in the league long enough to rattle off some quick cliches and look a little more confident than he did last night.  Maybe he needs a media coach to build up some calluses?

If we don't have a wealth of legit top six forwards, we can't we run three lines of "top 9" forwards and 3 thugs?  There's no rule that says any one or two lines has to play 20 minutes each per so roll three lines of more skilled players and let them work it out.  I mean we have a log jam of "middle 6" forwards so instead of sending them to the Marlies, even it up and let 'em play - maybe hold up the plum of playing with Phil "another assist please" Kessel as the prize. Maybe we're a truculent defence - puck possession offence team.

I'm just saying the shark has been jumped when our 18 yo star in waiting pulls out the "top 6" forward tag line and applies it to our 21 yo star in residence.

I was at the game in London against Philly and, just before the Leafs came onto the ice, there was this booming voice, and the crowd became quiet . . .

Hold your ground - hold your ground! Sons of Wendel - of Dougie . . . my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. The day may come when the courage of Schenn fails; when we forsake the tinfoil and no longer break all bones of the opposition; but it is not this day - an hour of instigator penalties and shattered sticks, when the Team of Burke comes crashing down - but it is not this day!!! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good ice - I bid you skate!"

It was chilling, I had goosebumps.  I looked frantically around for Frodo and Samwise Gamgee but then I realized that they were at home in Montreal to the Panthers that night . . . (ba dump da rimshot).

The elegance of his long range plan, his foresight, his genius is becoming clear to me.  Phil Kessel was his primary target from the instant he joined the Leafs.  The moves to add testosterone-laden players like Orr, Exelby and Komisarek makes it obvious.  For as long as one of those truculent sorts is one of the six on the ice with Kessel, the Leafs will be still skating with a full complement of 12 testicles - in Orr's case 13 clangers. 

Now if he can just turn some of those excess defencemen back into picks . . .

In late August, 60 Seconds caught up with Mikhail "The Big" Grabovski at home.  Banging on the door at noon, we hoped to catch the speedy centre having lunch.  The door opened and there he stood, dressed in a robe and carrying a glass in one hand.

US:  Dude.  Uh, may I call you dude?

MG:  Maybe.  What do you want?

US:  We are trying to understand the origin of the bad blood between yourself and the Kostitsyn brothers.

MG:  No, is not blood.  Is other.  You know, pee.  Pee-pee.  Piss.

US:  I'm sorry?  Urine?

MG:  No urine.  Piss.  Those two come to my house.  Piss all over rug.

US:  That's why you don't like each other?

MG:  It was great rug.  Hold entire room together.

US:  ????

MG:  I just want them to pay.  Two hundred dollars.  Is all.  That what I try to tell fans in Montreal.  I hold up fingers.  Two. Two hundred dollars.  Is not much.

via s104.photobucket.com

US:  Have they paid yet?

MG:  No.  But Komi says he help me kill them now.  Shhhhhhhh.

US:  Thank you for your time Dude.  Say what's that you have there?  A White Russian?

MG:  No.  She Ukrainian.  From Mississauga. (giggles)

And, on that note, the door closes.

BTW - There's gotta be a huuuuge market for Grabovski bathrobes don't you think?  Dark blue with 54 on the back?  84 for the collectors market?

Cheers.

. . . the Leafs really have to assign Colton Orr jersey number 4.  I mean it would have been funny regardless, in an "assigning Kyle Wellwood jersey number 747" or " mandating that Jason Allison must be followed by a licensed vehicle with active 4-way flashers" kind of way, but can you imaging rolling into Boston on Dec. 5 with Phil Kessel and NUMBER 4 COLTON ORR?  It's must-see TV, you'll be wanting to stock up on the pretzels and beer, maybe move the fridge into the living room, maybe some of those adult diapers 'cause you ain't gonna be wanting to leave your seat and miss one drop of blood . . . er . . .  minute of action.  Hey, where's that Esposito kid too?

Kadri played the game, jammin' good with Hags and Strally,
The kid from the Knights, he played it left hand
But made it too far
Became the special man, then we were Kadri's fans

Kadri skated hard, elbows up and screwed down dangle
Like some cat named Gilmour, he could lick 'em by smiling
He could leave 'em to hang
Came on so loaded man, well hung and skin so tan

So on came the fighters when the Flyers tried to break our balls
Just Ben Ondrus to guide us
So we laughed at the Philly fans as Ben used his sweet hands

Burkie played for time, jiving us he wasnt ready
The kid was just crass. He was the Naz
With God given ass
Yeah his size might suck, but boy could he shoot the puck

Making love with the Leaf fans, Stanley Cups in our minds
Like a playoff messiah
When Colton Orr kills a team I have to get up and scream

Kadri Played Hockey