Watching ESPN and I'm guessing Tebow Tebow'd his team to another Tebow yestertebow. Because that is the ONLY thing on ESPN for the past hour. Well that's not true, we also got the Packers curb-stomp of the Raiders, Tom Brady's bitch-fest on the sideline (Bayless actually said the OC should be fired, fuck you Skip) and the Cowboys choking away yet another game (I thought this would be old hat by now).

You'd never know that a team actually clinched the playoffs for the first time in their history yesterday, nevertheless they did it in the most exciting finish of the week (save Indiana beating Kentucky). And listening to Mike and Mike this morning was like this: "TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW Cowboys Giants Brady Packers TEBOW Brady TE-hey! Can we get a little love for the Houston Texans?" Assholes, it's your show. If you think the Texans should get a little love how about you not talk about Tebow for twenty straight minutes.

I'm sorry, I should be used to this by now, I just thought the WWL would actually begin to take notice when we proved we're not just going away like the Bears after we lost our QB, but apparently TEBOW!

Do not misinterpret this post, as I thought the trade that happened (or to better put it, should have happened) last night was a good move for the Rockets, but I wanted to hold my judgment until i saw what else Morey had planned. My thoughts were this was step one of a two step process, with Morey acquiring Gasol to entice Nene to sign on the dotted line, giving us one of the best back courts in the league.

Now, however, it looks like CP3 may be gearing up a legal movement that could force this trade to go through, but will it be too late for the Rockets? Yes we'll still get Gasol, but Nene will be signed by then, and Chuck already took the Sacramento offer. The beauty of this trade is that it was necessary for the bigger scheme of Morey's plans, without the crowning free agent, this trade will be an incomplete acquisition. So, do we want CP3 to force this trade through if it takes a week or longer, knowing that there is little-to-no chance of Nene still being available once we have the cap room to sign him?

Or more specifically, where's our whining about asterisks? All I've heard this year is people tearing down the Texans because Peyton Manning was out for the year. And yet, we've played multiple games without the best RB in the game, six (6!) games without the best WR in the game, Our starting safety has been out for multiple weeks, Mario is out for the year and now Schaub is gone too. And yet this team's motto has been "Next Man Up." The offense has two weeks to get a feel for the southpaw rollouts and now that Andre is healthy he and Leinart should be able to get a rapport going. Matt Schaub was not winning games singlehandedly for us because of this run game and our defense. We're not asking Leinart to be Aaron Rodgers out there, just Trent Dilfer. Manage the game and don't make too many mistakes. 

I'm fully confident Matt Leinart can be that next man up and those fans at MCM saying how this division is "theirs" for the taking forget three things: 1) 41-7, 2) we hold serve on tiebreakers from head to head and division records and 3) if it comes down to it, the road to the AFC South title in Week 17 goes through Houston.

Still believing and still cheering.

We could be rooting for Vince Young right? Although I'm sure Tennessee's spirits will be lifted when Rusty (Venture) Smith comes in and throws for over 300 yards and 2 TDs. Hopefully the one thing to come out of this godforsaken year is McNair realizing this coaching staff is not getting it done and replacing (really nice guy) Gary Kubiak with a dickhead defensive minded asshole coach. But hey, a guy can dream.

Oh and fire Frank Bush and Eugene Wilson.

I fully agree that this is sour grapes, as the Jets' number 6 seed was the one that the Texans missed out on. And I know that if the Texans handled their business in Week 1 they would have had the spot sown up after the New England game. But I can't help but marvel at how unbelievably LUCKY the Jets have gotten this season and this postseason. Let's run through the games.

Week 16: Indianapolis famously spits in the face of history and lays down, throwing away their hopes for a perfect season. I have a special place in my heart for this game as my fantasy championship opponent had 4 Colts starters so it practically giftwrapped my league's trophy to me, but still. How many teams have had the chance for a perfect season and said "no thanks." At home no less. The one time I felt a little shard of sympathy for Manning.

Week 17: Cincinnati decides they don't care enough about who they play in the playoffs so they essentially lay down against the Jets. How'd that work out for you Bengals? I will never forget Sanchez's celebrations after a rushing TD, like he just ran/threw for a 95 touchdown pass. I believe it was riversmccown who said "YEAH! GREAT JOB HANDING OFF MARK! FIST PUMP! I HAD A HUGE ROLE IN THIS SHIT!".

Wild Card Round: The Bengals decide that they were good enough to take a week off and look what happened. A ten point loss after one of the most reliable kickers in the game missed two field goals. Whereas if the Bengals I dunno, played hard in the previous week, they may have had a better feel for the team they got beaten by in the playoffs.

Divisional Round: The best kicker in football gets the yips. I feel your pain San Diego. If there's any town that knows about kicker fail, it's Houston. But what are the odds. The. Best. Kicker. In. The. Game. Misses 3 field goals. THREE. At home. If the dude went 2/3 the Chargers win. Hell he kicks one in and it goes to OT. Again the Jets are the beneficiaries of unbelievable luck. God must be a Jet fan.

So there you have it. Now we have to listen to another week of Rex Ryan's jowles jiggling about his team and how they're the best that's ever been and fuck you if you disagree. We also get to hear about how much "poise" and "awareness" Mark Sanchez has. "Look at how he hands off that ball! What an athlete! POISY MCPOISE POISE!"

I hate the Colts (Manning). I hate the Jets (Ryan/Sanchez). I hate the Vikings (Favre/Allen). This may be the first year where I skip the Superbowl. I guess I'm a New Orleans fan. If I have to decide between Manning, Sanchez or Favre and who I want to see lifting up that trophy at the end of the year, I may just kill myself.

There are few things in this world I hate. I hate mayonnaise. I HATE yams (although am quite fond of sweet potato fries, go figure). And I hate Richard Justice. Every Monday after a win, he rubs his readers' noses in it about how smart he is to never give up on this team. How he's driving the bandwagon that all us other fans are just jumping on. However, every week after a loss, he posts some facetious, smarmy, holier-than-thou column about how he just knew the Texans suck, and we're all sheep for believing the opposite. So I say this now, (because if you can't say it at Christmas when can you say it eh?), from the bottom of my black, cold, Texans loving heart, go fuck yourself Richard Justice.

Gary "if you fumble for me once your ass is grass" Kubiak said Monday of Texans rookie back Arian Foster, "we're about to turn it up big time for him." Does this mean that Moats will be taking a back seat for the last three games of the year so the coaching staff can see what the Tennessee rookie can do? Anyone have any idea how many touches Foster is looking at for this Sunday?

Hey guys, Battle Red Blogger here. I just wanted to stop by and ask if there's been any information regarding Steven Jackson's back? I saw he was pretty contained by the Tennessee defense (but I'm sure that had more to do with Null than his injury) and was pulled later in the game. I know he hasn't practiced in 3 weeks but he's been soldiering out there week in and week out like a stud. Any news regarding his injury or any insight regarding what he'll probably be able to do against the Houston run defense?

I thought we could all take a second from crying in our corn flakes about our beloved Houston Texans and once again revel in the douchebaggery of BigBlueShoe. I know I'll get an email about this but sorry guys, he's such a tool. Here BBS cries about KSK poking fun at, let's say the rotundness, of Colts fans. Dude, KSK is a HUMOR website, it breaks everyone's balls. I'm pretty sure they voted Matt Shaub ugliest MFer of the decade and every post that references the Texans is tagged with "nobody cares about the Texans." It's all in good fun. Pull the 12 inch fat stick out of your ass and take the time to laugh at yourself and you'll be amazed at the level of douche points you lose in WoW.

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RIP Houston Texans' playoff aspirations: 9/13/09 - 11/29/09. The Texans playoffs hopes were unofficially killed Sunday, by a lack of defense, coaching and more specifically Kris Brown missing key field goals in the previous weeks. The team is survived by the ever-familiar "always next year" mantra. There will be no ceremony held.

Those who knew the deceased are encouraged to post fond memories they have of the recently passed. Please make a donation to your neighborhood high school team in lue of sending flowers.

From  SBNation.com

"Nov 23, 2009 - At or near the top of almost any NFL coaching list would be longtime Steeler head coach.  He brings with him a history of winning, a Super Bowl ring and a jaw that could crank a walnut.

The Bills, currently without a head coach to call their own, made a Hail Mary shoutout to Cowher to see if he might be interested.  With the changes to the salary keep looming and the Bills being located in Buffalo, NY,  Bill let his suitor down gently.

Cowher informed the team that he is not interested in speaking to any clubs about potential jobs until after the season, however, according to the sources, and he could have several options available to him should he opt to return to coaching in 2010.

Upstate New York copy editors everywhere shed a tear at the lost potential of having a Bill coach the Bills.

That would be that except that Cowher is apparently now telling folks that if that offer would come from the Bears or Texans, he would be much more interested.

An NFL Network report Monday night cited a source that said the idea of coaching the Bears or Texans "would excite,'' Cowher if the job becomes open.

That'll simply make the anti-Lovie contingent among Bears fans even more antsy. But the same report said Cowher would command in the range of $10 million per-season - a staggering price even for a head coach with a Super Bowl ring.

When Jim Mora Jr. floated the idea of coaching the Washington Huskies while employed by the Falcons a few years back, he was vilified.  Now Cowher isn't working for another squad, but to publicly throw his name out there for two jobs that currently have head coaches, well that just seems like some sort of breach of Head Coach Fraternity Code.  It will be interesting to se if Cowher gets a pass on this, especially in Chicago where many might be more than happy to push Lovie Smith out the door for The Chin."

Now I am a big fan of Kubiak, he's the reason we're actually caring about games after the bye, but could we really pass up on a Super Bowl Champion coach like Cowher? There's no contest Houston would be a much more attractive place to coach than Chicago.

Thoughts?

If there is any accountability in the world this guy needs to be out of a fucking job. You're telling me there's NO one who can make a goddamned kick on the waiver wire? The fucking Ravens just picked up Billy fucking Cundiff and he hit 5 field goals. This guy has cost us the chance to win our last two games, and when we're 8-8 again at the end of the season we'll need only to look back on this guy who got the yips.

Who is this CBS announcer that has VY's sack down his throat? I mean jesus dude, are you a booster for UT? Did you bet on the game? I'm watching NFL Red Zone and am already sick of these announcers. He sounds like the guy who calls the Texans' game but I don't know who it is (in Philly and have to watch these crappy teams up here).

One more thing: GET WELL SOON OD!!

Ok, please please please do not ban me for proposing this, but after last game it is sorely apparent we need a full-time goal line back (as if it wasn't after the Jacksonville game) who can bruise defenders, push the pile and get us that one yard when we desperately need it, and I think I know who.....Lendale White.

I know he's a BE-SF, but the man is big, he's made a career out of poaching goal line touchdowns (see: Chris Johnson and Reggie Bush) and he's a free agent next year so the 0-5 Titans will be looking to move him. Maybe give up a 5th rounder to get him. Any thoughts? Anyone got Rick Smith's email address?

We'll miss you on here for the next couple of days. We know there's no way you'll even attempt to talk shit today after this asswhooping. Sorry we know you already had your posts written out about how bad L.A. would dominate a Yao-less Rockets team. Sorry, you must've forgot this team has HEART! Must be tough to recognize when you don't see if everyday. We'll of course forgive you, and be looking forward to your bullshit talking next game like this one never happened.

You suck.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/steve_aschburner/05/08/kobe/index.html?eref=si_nba

C'mon, 75 words? How about if I just list all the cuss words I know that apply to the person this post is about instead?

Bitch. Cock-gobbler. Pussy. Pansy. Ball-less. Adulterer. Snitch. Crybaby. Asshole. Primadonna. Jagoff. Douche. Douchebag. Fucker. Motherfucker. Grandmotherfucker. Flopper. Asshole (had to be said twice). Probably the one that will hurt the most: Guy who will never be better than Michael.

Now that I got that out of my system (see previous thread), if anyone finds any information regarding why Von was tossed tonight by Rick please post. Love to see an article or something. We need his offense for our second team. We cannot lose him for this series but he cannot get in Rick's face on the bench. If it was about playing time I respect that, but control yourself Von.

Anyone have anything?

This was a travesty to watch. First you have Derek Fisher REV up AFTER SEEING SCOLA come after him and deck him. His ass needs to be suspended for a game, that shit cannot be allowed. Then you have punk ass bitch Kobe who gets away with elbowing players in the FUCKING throat and Ron gets T'ed for TALKING, the same shit Kobe was doing all game.

Fuck you Joey Crawford, good job on doing your duty and extending this series.

Fuck you TNT (looking at YOU Collins), this was a dirty ass game and yet you couldn't stop slurping the Lakers.

Fuck you Luke Walton. You play 3 minutes a game, you haven't earned the right to talk shit to our friend from Argentina.

Fuck you Lamar Odom, win something then you can talk.

Fuck you Derek Fisher, for aforementioned punk ass bitch move.

And finally, a HUGE FFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKK YOU to Kobe. Fuck you twice.

Hell, fuck you thrice. That's how much respect I lost for you tonight.

Do these two just epitomize the frontrunning fan? Jeesum Crow. Here they are, on the Chron website, gloating about "how no one gave the Rockets and chance, not even YOU!!" And you KNOW had they lost in the fourth or barely trailed all game they would be the first two to point out (with self-hating glee) about how "this team just isn't good enough." I hate them soooo much, they are approaching Utah level hatred.

Tears were literally welling up when I saw the big man walking down the tunnel, then he said "FUCK THIS" and became an Asian Willis muthafuckin' Reed! The big man came THROUGH tonight, everyone played within themselves (Ron Ron). Shane wore a CRIMSON MASK and fought through it. This is a game that can give the Rockets an amazing amount of confidence. We had too many TOs, Kobe kinda sorta went off in the 4th, and the Lakes never really went away, but we held tough and come out victorious.

A toast of my Guiness to you Rockets, for you are true men, and warriors.

but win or lose vs. L.A., what do you think are the chances Morey resigns Ron? After that Game 6 performance, his absolute trouble free attitude since he arrived, and the way this city has seemed to embrace him (and him embracing the fans back), it just seems logical that Morey should make it his number one objective this summer to lock him up.

What do you guys think? Think any other NBA team will outbid us or do you see Ron becoming a staple in this team for years to come?

Mr. Morey, I will have your children, or give you one of mine, if you resign Ron Artest. If you need to free up the salary, let T-Mac go. The man has given Houston some GREAT memories, but no victories. Artest meshes so well with this team, and he doesn't take plays off or lag behind on defense like McGrady does. Resign Ron, let this become Yao's team for years to come, and keep the Yao, Ron, Scola, Brooks, Battier nucleus and this may be the first series win of many.

Of all the great moves you've made Mr. Morey: getting Scola, getting Ron, drafting Brooks and Landry, trading away Rafer for Lowry, finding Von; resigning Artest would make this team complete for the next 5-6 years.

On a more serious note, Portland, congrats on a great season and a great series. You have one of the most talented, youngest, and classiest teams in the league and it was an absolute pleasure to watch Brandon Roy this series. Your playoff success is ahead of you. Keep your heads high.

We had it close, then we kinda crumbled at the end. But look, 16 turnovers, Yao doesn't score til damn near the half, Brooks was passing up shots, we only had 2 offensive rebounds, those ticky tac fouls in the fourth really put us behind the eight ball, and we were down double digits THREE times but we came back each time, we just didn't make the plays at the end.

This is why game 1 was soooo important, we have homecourt now, and time to use it.

This reminds me how the Rockets would feel after game 2. Pissed off, looking for revenge on their homecourt, and by God, they'll get it.

Houston 0-2 on NBAtv, 3-0 on national televison. And we're done with NBAtv baby.

Why must you make me listen to these homer Portland announcers?? Nothing against Portland or their announcers, but why can't you have nonbiased announcers like NFL Network? I would love to watch this game without hearing about how great on and off the court Brandon Roy is. I'm sure he's a wonderful human being but please, I'd love to not watch slurping for 48 minutes and instead watch basketball.

Nothin but love to you Portland. Nothin but love.

Because it was the refs who blew that 6 point lead for the Blazers in the 4th. No, wait...it was the refs who caused the team to lose all those offensive reboun...shit, wait I know, it was the refs who caused Joel to throw that ball 90 feet...dammit! I know I saw a ref poke that ball out from Blake in the 4th, and I swear I saw one of them yell "SHOOT" in Game 3 when there was still 16 seconds left... Well, It was DEFINITELY the refs who made the Blazers lose by 27 points in Game 1 in the Rose Garden. I mean, you take 12 of those calls and make them go the other way, then it's a close game!

China-Stern conspiracy I tells you. Stern wants all the damn Chinese to watch the playoffs. The past 6 first round exits were just to tease them! Get their anticipation up. We're onto you Stern...

Ok, let'sl be honest. Houston had NO business winning tonight. Roy gets 31, Yao played like 45 minutes, the Rockets miss about 6 FTs in the final minute, Houston shot 40%, Houston was down by 6 at the beginning of the fourth, Aaron Brooks had maybe 5 points, and yet, this team pulled it out. What a GUTTY win by Houston. They earned every point and made them work for every basket.

One more.

With this great chess match of a series we're seeing between Portland and Houston it's easy to lose focus. We must never forget the main objection of life: to laugh at Utah and their fans for sucking at life. While rooting for the Lakers (or L*kers for any Blazer's Edgers out there) may seem like the lesser of two evils, remember, the evil that is in Salt Lake is second only to the evil that resides in the lakes of fire of Hell. One more loss Utah and you can go back to your crappy state with your crappy fans and crappy timekeepers. If I ever see a Jazz player in real life, I'm going to "accidentally" brush him with my shoulder to see if he flies eight feet and then gives an O face when he doesn't hear a whistle out of habit.

Some golden oldies, via Youtube.

The 8 seconds of enternity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0YoXt-mnug&feature=related

Kirilenko Making Whale Sounds (How can you call yourself a man and play like this?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6g0-1kf6xI&feature=related

Oh yea, because it works and you probably practice that shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulbaqB7eHqg&feature=related

I hate you Utah. I always have and I always will. With the fire of a thousand suns. May your team never look upon a championship banner.

So you're showing the Philly/Magic game on ESPN2, but you decide to interrupt MY ESPN feed of MY Houston Rockets to show me the end of this fucking game I couldn't give two monkey balls about??? IF I WANTED TO BE WATCHING THIS, I WOULD, you know, CHANGE THE GODDAMNED CHANNEL!!! FUCK. SOME people care about this Portland/Houston series, I know it sounds weird to think a basketball team NOT from the East Coast has fans but THEY DO. And we don't give a shit who wins Game 3 of a series not even in our fucking conference. AND FUCK YOU.

Cannot wait til I move back to Houston to get the Rockets home feed.

FUCK YOU TWICE.

Who gets on your nerves more covering the Rockets? I'm up in Philly for school so I can't watch/get Houston news so I have to read the Chronicle's website, and I swear, EVERYTIME after a win there are those two boasting and gleaming about how great this team is (usually if they did what those two thought they should), but lo and behold, after EVERY loss there's a column about how this team stinks and we should prepare ourselves for another first round exit.

Frontrunnin'. It ain't just for fans anymore.

Who do you see taking over for him with extended minutes for the rest of the series? I would love to see Landry get some more playing time (if he can play smarter, no more matching fouls with shot attempts). I'm hoping to see Landry from Game 3 in Utah last year. Chuck Hayes is a definite possibility to slow down Alridge or Roy but we lose that offensive option (but not like Deke was throwing in the points either). Any other options?