So I went to pick my brother up from his elementary school an hour ago, and sparked up a joint upon leaving my house. I guess from being immune to the dangerous mind-altering effects of cannabis, I approached the entrance of the school where my brother and the kids/parents were gathered subconsciously thinking I was smoking a cigarette. I immediately realized my mistake when the crowd of elementary school kids were quickly rushed off by their parents who were mouthing muted obscenities to me all the while. My brother gave me a confused and very disappointed stare before I silently ushered him to my van. All he said on the way home was "were you smoking weed?" I replied with a silent tear as I pondered the most painless method of suicide. I'm such a sad fucking excuse for a human being and I desperately want to die. I think today's spring training game was a miserable defeat, and Estes is done for. Jody Gerut, Will Venable, and Matt Antonelli make Robert Fick look like Robert Fick. Someday, we'll beat the Royals, and redesign Gameday.

Imagine a giant penis flying towards your mouth, and there's nothing you can do about it. And you're like "Oh man, I'm gonna have to suck this thing", and you brace yourself to suck this giant penis. But then, at the last moment, it changes trajectory and hits you in the eye. You think to yourself "Well, at least I got that out of the way", but then the giant penis rears back and stabs your eye again, and again, and again. Eventually, this giant penis is penetrating your gray matter, and you begin to lose control of your motor skills. That's when the giant penis slaps you across the cheek, causing you to fall out of your chair. Unable to move and at your most vulnerable, the giant penis finally lodges itself in your anus, where it rests uncomfortably for 4, maybe 5 hours. That's what following the box score of today's charity game against the Mariners was like.