SB Nation User Blog: ericj69

Worst. 11-3 Team. Ever?

ericj69 — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:28:40 -0000

"Sunday's Carolina game was, without a doubt, the worst game ever! Rest assured I was on the internet within minutes voicing my disgust throughout the world. This team is no longer in mint condition."

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Before we get started, let's pause for a little perspective. I'll cover some positive facts first:

The Vikings will host at least one playoff game for the second consecutive year as champions of the NFC North.
The Vikings can sweep the division with a victory on Monday night.
The Vikings already have 11 wins, ensuring them their best record since the 2000 season. Another win in the next two games makes it the best record since the memorable 1998 campaign over a decade ago.
The Vikings do not have Jay Cutler as their "quarterback of the future". Which is nice.

But of course, it isn't all warm fuzzies in Vikingland. Not after the Purple shoved an entire coal mine into our Christmas stockings against Carolina on Sunday night. Gonzo, Anthony, and all sorts of commenters in the Fan Post section have done a great job covering "hey wha happen?", but I would still like to throw in my two cents about what I saw on Sunday night.

First and foremost, the offensive line play was atrocious. Like "Oh my gosh who gave Allen Barbre and Orlando Pace Vikings jerseys?" atrocious. There were rarely any holes for the running game; what Adrian Peterson had to do to score our only points of the game is probably considered assault in most states. Mt. McKinnie was more like Volcano McKinnie--he caved in and left a trail of destruction everywhere within a 20-mile radius. Brittany Murphy could have done a better job blocking Julius Peppers on Sunday. (What? Too soon?) I think it was smart for Childress to bench him.

But that's about the only smart thing the coaching staff did all night. Peppers was devouring one-on-one blocking like Mark Mangino eating...well, anything. Did the coaching staff try to double team him with Jim Kleinsasser, the best blocking TE in the league? I didn't see it. Did they run to the left side to make Peppers think twice before repeatedly barreling into Favre all night? Hardly.

The Panthers coaching staff certainly made adjustments. They employed what I like to call the "Monty Python Brave Sir Robin" offense with Matt Moore and Steve Smith. They simply ran away from Jared Allen with bootlegs. To combat any double teaming of Smith, they had him run a ton of crossing routes to the same side of the field that Moore was rolling to. Throw in some shoddy tackling by a defense that was gassed in the fourth quarter thanks to all the three-and-outs by their counterparts, and you get a 26-7 defeat to an inferior team.

Two final notes about the game:

That field in Carolina sucked. There were times where it looked like "NFL on Ice" thanks to the terrible footing. I'm not saying it cost us the game because both teams have to play on the same field. But it can serve as a convenient equalizer for lesser teams. This just solidifies the fact that we really want to play all our playoff games indoors. Just ask these 49er fans if they enjoyed their recent trip to Philadelphia:

Dear Benny Sapp: never, ever, ever talk junk to Steve Smith. EVER. He feeds on it. If you disagree, watch his post-game interview with Andrea Kremer's nose below. Running your mouth to Steve Smith is like urinating on a Wolverine and then sticking around to see what happens. It just isn't a good idea.

As for the Rebirth of the Schism between Childress and Brett Favre...ugh. I don't even know where to start. Anthony has done a great job of covering the ins and outs of this story, so I'll leave it up to him. I'll just say this: if it's a surprise to anyone that Brett Favre seems to be running the show here, you must not have followed football in the past decade. This is why I thought it might be a good idea to wait until after the season for that Brad Childress contract extension. After this sideshow, I'm guessing more people will agree.

But even though it looks like the team tied for the third best record in the NFL is headed for a downward spiral of doom and gloom, we're all aware that winning cures all in this league. If we beat up on the lowly Bears on Monday night, we'll all feel a lot better. If not? Just breathe, remember that we're still in the playoffs...and do your best Comic Book Guy impression in the comments.

All We Want for Christmas Is...

ericj69 — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:28:20 -0000

She's been very naughty, but the Vikings have been nothing but nice this year.

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Dear Santa,

Sunday is Minnesota's last game before Christmas. Unfortunately, I don't have much time to write you this year; I have my holiday party for work tonight and a family Christmas tomorrow. I would have written to you last night, but I was too busy watching my fantasy playoff dreams getting crushed by Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, and Dallas Clark. So rather than give you a full analysis of the upcoming Vikings/Panthers game (I know you're an avid reader of the Daily Norseman now that the North Pole has Wi-Fi), I'll give you my wish list for the game and the rest of the Vikings' season:

I really wish that you could send some good medicine to Percy Harvin for those migraines he's been having. He really wants that Rookie of the Year trophy as a belated Christmas present, and he deserves it. It'd be a shame for him to miss out on his gift just because he missed games at the end of the year. And of course we need him down the stretch and in the playoffs!
I wish that Matt Moore plays just like Jake Delhomme and sends lots of gifts to our secondary on Sunday night.
I wish that the Vikings will capture the #1 spot in rushing defense yet again. It's becoming a holiday tradition! And if we can stop DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, it will go a long way towards getting the top rushing defense and winning the game on Sunday.
I wish that we don't have a game like the last time we were in Carolina in 2005. You remember that game, don't you Santa? Steve Smith went wild on us, Daunte Culpepper played his last game as a Viking thanks to blowing out approximately 17 ligaments in his knee, and Minnesota lost 38-13. Can we make some positive memories this time around?
I wish that I could see some good ol' fashioned calf roping on Sunday from Jared Allen. He's been a little quiet lately, and I'd like to see him make a late-season push for Defensive MVP. (Otherwise, Charles Woodson is probably going to win, and you know we don't want that to happen.) I just hope that Allen can outperform Julius Peppers and establish his dominance again.
I wish for a healthy Brett Favre down the stretch and throughout the playoffs. I know, I know--I spent 16 years wishing for the exact opposite thing to happen. You got me there. But you never came through on any of those wishes, so maybe this year you could take my wish into account. Just this once? I vividly remember watching Tarvaris Jackson in the Metrodome during the playoff game against the Eagles last year. There's a very real possibility of that matchup happening again this season, and I'd much prefer to have #4 behind center.
I wish that Chris Gamble will learn from covering Randy Moss and take most of the plays off this week. He should just let Sidney Rice and Bernard Berrian roam free all day. Could you teach Chris that giving space is better than receiving any interceptions?

(More wishes and my Week 15 picks after the jump)

I wish I didn't have to think about the threat of a nude Pat Williams if we win the Super Bowl this year. Did he really say he'll "retire if the Vikings win the Super Bowl this season and will walk off the field wearing nothing but tights and socks"? Don't get me wrong, if seeing too much of Phat Pat ensures us victory I'm OK with it...but yeesh.
Speaking of the Super Bowl, I wish that this team wasn't compared to the 1998 Vikings so much. I see the similarities, but I still remember the t-shirt I had when I was a senior in high school. It read "All I Want For Christmas Is A Super Bowl". It pictured Randall Cunningham as you with our offensive line as the reindeer. Obviously that kind of blasphemy upset you. So I don't even want you to think that the two versions of the Vikings are the same, OK?
I wish that the Vikings will cruise to an easy win on Sunday to secure the 2009 NFC North title and all but lock up a first-round bye for the playoffs.

Thanks Santa! Merry Christmas everyone!

Prediction: Vikings 34, Panthers 13

Oh and one last thing: I wish that all of my Week 15 NFL picks will be right (home team in CAPS):

SAINTS over Cowboys: I wish the Saints would just go ahead and lose a couple games to give us a shot at the #1 seed. But the Cowboys winning in December is going to take much more than a Christmas miracle.

RAVENS over Bears: I wish that Jay Cutler will keep playing like this for years and years to come in Chicago. I never thought Favre's interception record would ever be in jeopardy, but maybe I was wrong...

Patriots over BILLS: I wish that I could turn on ESPN or sports radio and not have to listen to "what's wrong with the Patriots." It's a little drastic for a division-leading 8-5 team.

Cardinals over LIONS: I wish Arizona played like they did in San Francisco when we played them a couple weeks ago. I'd also wish that the Lions weren't such a train wreck, but I enjoy the two victories over Detroit each year.

CHIEFS over Browns: I wish that this game never even existed.

JETS over Falcons: I wish I knew for sure whether Matt Ryan and Michael Turner were playing at 100% this week, because that may sway my pick here.

EAGLES over 49ers: I wish there wasn't a real possibility of Eagles fans flooding Minneapolis for the third straight season. Hearing that "E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!" chant makes me want to repeatedly headbutt a pile of railroad ties.

Texans over RAMS: I wish the Texans wouldn't beat up on awful teams at the end of each season to finish 8-8 and be everyone's "sleeper team" the following year. I also wish Steven Jackson didn't have to waste the prime of an incredible career on a string of the aforementioned awful teams.

TITANS over Dolphins: I wish that both of these teams could make the playoffs, because they're a lot more fun to watch than the other AFC Wild Card options.

BRONCOS over Raiders: I wish the Broncos would win this game, because this is my Eliminator pick and I'm 14-0 so far this year. I also wish I could stop laughing at JaMarcus Russell because he can't even get the start over Charlie Frye this week.

CHARGERS over Bengals: I wish that Chris Henry was still with us, because the Bengals have already had enough to deal with this year after Mike Zimmer's wife passed away. I also wish that if I get one pick wrong this week it's this one. Cincinnati deserves some good news.

SEAHAWKS over Buccaneers: I wish this game took place two years ago when both teams were actually decent.

Packers over STEELERS: I wish the defending champions hadn't completely folded down the stretch so they would actually beat the Packers here.

Giants over REDSKINS: I wish the Giants would just make up their mind about whether they're actually good or not. I never know how to pick their games.

Last week: 11-5

Season so far: 144-65 (including correctly picking Indianapolis last night)

Eric's Thursday Pick (and Your Fantasy Bad Beats)

ericj69 — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:30:21 -0000

Colts over JAGUARS: I know the game just started, but I had some errands to run before I could get to a computer. Who knows how long the Colts will keep their starters in tonight, but I have a feeling they play most if not all of the game tonight. You just can't rest your guys for a solid month between meaningful games. Which is unfortunate for me, because I'm facing Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, and Dallas Clark in one of my fantasy playoffs.

But I guess I should just be thankful I'm in the playoffs in the first place, because I was thisclose to not making it after Monday night's game. I had my week 14 victory all locked up, but I needed another guy to lose to get the 4th and final spot in our league. All I needed was two points from Anquan Boldin for the other guy to lose and I was golden. Hey, Boldin and golden, that rhymed.

As you all know, the Cardinals decided to take a sloppy, post-heavy-drinking-and-Chipotle-style dump on Monday night. When Boldin only had 17 yards at halftime, I was genuinely concerned. But he ended up getting a couple more catches in the second half to put him at 32 yards late in the game, and everything looked fine for me. The only way I'd lose is if he fumbled, because it's -2 points in our league.

Of course, he fumbled on Arizona's final drive of the game. After angrily screaming every expletive I knew, I realized that Boldin got about eight yards before he fumbled. That would give him right around 40 yards, and the fumble would still put him at two points total. Luckily, that statisticians gave Boldin exactly 40 yards for the game, putting me in the playoffs by literally one yard.

Needless to say, the guy that didn't make the playoffs was none too pleased. His dozen or so texts telling me to do things to myself that I'm pretty sure are physically impossible reinforced that fact.

Which brings me to my question to you, oh wise Daily Norseman readers--do you have any fantasy "bad beats" that you'd like to share with the rest of us? I think it would be very therapeutic to share your tortuous defeats with others. So go right ahead and air your grievances in the comment section below. After all, 'tis the season.

RIP Chris Henry

ericj69 — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:34:35 -0000

RIP Chris Henry

Sad day for the team the Vikings played just four days ago. Chris Henry has passed away after an incident in Charlotte yesterday. Condolences to Chris' family, friends, and teammates. Head over to Cincy Jungle for more coverage.

Carl of Aqua Teen Hunger Force is Bad at Picks

ericj69 — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 01:56:13 -0000

Carl of Aqua Teen Hunger Force is Bad at Picks

If you're familiar with the show, you'll love this clip, even though Carl picks the wrong team.

In Defense of Señor Ochocinco

ericj69 — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:29:18 -0000

Love him or hate him, he's already made Sunday's game a lot more interesting.

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He Riverdanced in the endzone. He putted the football with a pylon. He gave the football CPR. He declared himself a future Hall of Famer. He sent "gifts" to opposing defensive backs on game weeks. He made a list of "who covered him" in 2005. He raced a freaking horse. He got fined for asking not to be fined. He proposed to a Bengals cheerleader. He jumped into the Dawg Pound and did a Lambeau Leap. Just last week, he donned a sombrero and poncho. This week, he's threatening to blow the Vikings horn if he scores. (As Gonzo already pointed out, that's gonna be pretty tough considering we play that through the speakers.)

He legally changed his last name from Johnson to the Spanish pronunciation of the digits of his jersey number. He may change his last name again to the Japanese pronunciation of the digits of his jersey number. No, I'm not kidding. You may be choosing Chad Hachi Go in your fantasy drafts next year.

He violates the NFL uniform policy more often than Tiger Woods violates his marriage vows. He Tweets roughly 647 times a day. He made up two totally nonsensical phrases, "Child please" and "Kiss da baby", while stealing the show on HBO's "Hard Knocks" this season. (Not to mention his new line of condoms.) He...well that's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure I'm missing at least a handful of other crazy things he's done.

And you know what? Even though I'm not a Bengals fan, I love every last bit of it.

If you're a regular reader of the Daily Norseman, you know that I often have fun at the expense of opposing players. Just take a look at my recent posts about T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Jay Cutler. But when it comes to Chad Ochocinco, I can't help but like the guy.

Most people outside of southwestern Ohio can't stand him, and I understand why. Chad is a cocky, showboating loudmouth who's starved for attention and wants the spotlight permanently affixed on him. When he scores, I'm guessing the phrase "act like you've been there before" has never crossed his mind. Each premeditated celebration makes Vince Lombardi and Knute Rockne spin in their graves. Basically, he's the polar opposite of "old school".

Which, in my opinion, makes him so likable. My formative years of NFL fandom included the Ickey Shuffle, the Redskins "Fun Bunch", the Super Bowl Shuffle, and Billy White Shoes Johnson. I fell in love with the NFL because it looked like so much fun. These days, I'm all too aware that the NFL is big business before everything else. But Chad's antics, as sophomoric and cheesy as they are, remind us that the game can still be fun.

So there, I said it. I defended #85. I truly enjoy him. Deal with it. But that doesn't mean I'll enjoy anything he does on Sunday.

Barring a collapse rivaling that of Tiger Woods' public image (that's right, two Tiger jokes--gotta strike while the iron's hot), the Cincinnati Bengals are going to win the AFC North. The Steelers conveniently took themselves out of contention last night, and Cincy needs only one more win or Ravens loss to clinch. And you know what? They've earned it. They've earned it by grinding the clock with a punishing rushing attack, not making many mistakes, using opportunistic special teams, and leaning on a vastly improved defense. So basically, they've been very anti-Bengal-like this year. Which is always a good thing.

What isn't good for the Bengals is how they match up with the Vikings. So you want to run the football 35 times? Don't think the Vikings' #3 rush defense will have a problem with that. Plus Antoine Winfield should finally be back in the lineup this week. (Of course we've heard that before from "The Foot That Cried Wolf".) Although I just got done heaping praise on Ochocinco, it isn't like Cincinnati's offense has been that explosive in 2009. Gonzo covered this yesterday by pointing out that they haven't lit up the scoreboard since blowing out the Bears in Week 7.

Yet the Bengals are still winning because of their defense. Defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer has his group of NFL castoffs playing downright amazing. If he doesn't get a head coaching gig with all the vacancies sure to be created after the season, I'd be shocked. Favre & Co. will have to perform much better than they did in Arizona to move the ball.

I think it's going to be a battle on Sunday. But if you think the Bengals are going to come to the Metrodome and beat the Vikes this week, I only have one thing to say to you.

Child please.

Prediction: Vikings 24, Bengals 19

My Week 14 NFL picks, guaranteed to be mediocre as ever:

Saints over FALCONS: The Saints have officially entered the Madden Zone. Not only do they put up Arena League points, they had the classic "No F---ing Way" game against Washington last week. Everyone that has played Madden knows that game. It's when no matter what you do, the computer steals the game from you. Even if it looks like your guy was down, the game still rules it a fumble. Even though you swear your accuracy was right on, your kicker pushes the game-icing field goal wide right, leaving you saying "No f---ing way" about fifteen times. Sound familiar Redskins fans? Anyway, stick a fork in Atlanta. The injury bug ate whatever chance they had of being contenders in '09.

Jets over BUCCANEERS: I don't care that the Sanchize is out because he's allergic to sliding. The Bucs are 31st in the NFL in run defense. Rex Ryan should be pistol whipped for every Kellen Clemens pass play he calls past 20 attempts.

PATRIOTS over Panthers: A rematch of Super Bowl XXXVIII! But this time around, the "XXX" stands for how New England's second half offense is about as good as the movie "XXX" starring Vin Diesel (that's not a good thing); the "V" stands for how Carolina's fan base is "Very depressed" about their quarterback situation; and the "III" stands for tally marks for each play that Randy Moss will actually try during this game. Or is it tally marks for the amount of baby mama's that Tom Brady will have by the end of his career? I can't decide. If I were Tom, I'd go after Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr to be Baby Mama #3, because I chose her for my gratuitous picture of the week.

Bills over CHIEFS: Judging by how the past few weeks have gone in the NFL, this will somehow end up being the best game of the week. I just can't figure out how that could possibly happen though.

RAVENS over Lions: Too bad this game is the same week as our game against the Bengals. Because if the Lions win this game, it's obvious that the AFC North is incapable of beating terrible teams. Then if our Cincy game was later in the season, the Vikings could just wear 2008 Lions jerseys and cruise to victory!

Packers over BEARS: The biannual game where I hope both teams lose and suffer many season-ending injuries. Alas, my dream never comes true. I'd like the Bears to show up and help us clinch the division, but that's kind of like asking Tiger Woods to win a Husband of the Year Award. (BOOM! Just when you thought it was safe! A TIGER WOODS JOKE TRIFECTA!)

TEXANS over Seahawks: The Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl matchup of the week. Sure, they're still playing, but both sets of fans know that this game doesn't mean anything.

COLTS over Broncos: I'd love to kidnap Colts head coach Jim Caldwell fifteen minutes before kickoff and see if anyone on Indy's sideline notices before halftime. I say no. What a great gig that guy has.

Dolphins over JAGUARS: I absolutely HATE picking games that involve either of these teams. The Fins and Jags can beat anyone and lose to anyone on any given week. I'm just glad they're playing each other this week so it only counts for one incorrect pick.

RAIDERS over Redskins: Washington better watch out here. If they're not careful, they're going to mess up their formula of getting a big lead on a team only to choke it away late. If the Skins get up by more than a score on Oakland, I'm fairly doubtful that the Raiders will allow choking like that on their watch.

TITANS over Rams: A Super Bowl XXXIV rematch! Except one team started their season six weeks late and the other team should have just quit after beating the Lions. This is also my Eliminator pick of the week--still kickin' at 13-0!

COWBOYS over Chargers: San Diego has won 15 December games in a row. The Cowboys have stunk in December since the old Levi's Button Your Fly shirts were in. Picking the Chargers is too obvious here, right? (Says the guy that limped to 9-7 in his picks last week.)

GIANTS over Eagles: The Eagles could easily win this game. But I'm rooting for Andy Reid to pull one of his classic clock management botch jobs to allow the Giants to win in the waning seconds, followed by Eagles fans realizing in horror that they just signed this guy for three more years. Because after dealing with Philly fans in the Dome the past two seasons, I wish nothing but terrible things to happen to them at all times.

Cardinals over 49ERS: Yep, I'm officially terrified of facing the Cardinals again in the playoffs. That was a Grade A whoopin' they put on us last Sunday. Drew Margary already wrote about this in his weekly Deadspin Jamboroo, but it's worth mentioning again because I noticed it as well on Sunday night: Anquan Boldin is just pissed off at the entire world. He's still upset about his contract situation, and he will let you know it with each joyless reception and subsequent icy glare to anyone that dares to glance at him. Ochocinco has approximately 4,500 times more fun playing football than Boldin does every Sunday.

Last week: 9-7

Season so far: 132-61 (including picking Thursday night's game wrong)

Eric's Thursday Pick (and your Winter beer picks)

ericj69 — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:43:15 -0000

Steelers over BROWNS: Tonight's NFL Network game pits AFC North rivals Pittsburgh and Cleveland against each other. Well, I guess "rivals" doesn't really fit this one-sided matchup. "Tonight's game pits bully Pittsburgh against 90-pound weakling Cleveland" sounds more accurate. Although the Steelers have fallen on hard times lately, there's no way they lose to the aptly named Browns. (Why "aptly named Browns", you ask? Because poop is also brown. Most of the time.)

So rather than bore you with analysis of two teams that have lost a combined eleven games in a row, I'd like to ask you a favor.

Those of us in Minnesota just got dumped on by our first major Winter storm of the season. The storm was a bit late in the year, but it made up for its tardiness with lots of wind, ice, cold, and car accidents. I hate snowstorms if I have to travel more than 50 feet. But one thing I love about the Winter season is delicious seasonal beers.

Over Thanksgiving, I had a few bottles of Michelob Winter's Bourbon Cask Ale. It was outstanding, but I haven't been able to find it at my local liquor stores since I had it. Anyone in the Twin Cities area know where I can buy this tasty refreshment, especially somewhere close to South Minneapolis?

I've also had a couple six-packs of Schell SnowStorm. It's another solid winter beer that washes down those dozen Christmas cookies you ate juuust right.

But like watching the Vikings' performance this past Sunday evening, I'm left wanting more. So I ask you, faithful DN readers--what is your favorite Winter beer? Please leave suggestions in the comments section. If I get enough entries, maybe I'll do a Fanpost around Christmas time saying which beers I liked best. I can see it now...

My girlfriend: "Honey, it's a Tuesday night. You've already had seven different kinds of beer. Why don't you take it easy?"

Me: "I'M DOING RESEARCH FOR THE SITE! BACK OFF!" (polishes off beer, reaches for another)

Time for the Road to the NFC Championship to Take a Detour

ericj69 — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 19:21:06 -0000

After Sunday night's game, they'll need to stick these outside of University of Phoenix Stadium if people are looking for the road to the Super Bowl.

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The Arizona Cardinals, defending NFC Champions, are well on their way to winning their second consecutive NFC West title this year.

If you would have read me that sentence two years ago, I would have told you to send me the link to the rest of the article from The Onion, since it was obviously a joke. (If you had read me that sentence in 2001, I would have just assumed you knew nothing about the NFL since Arizona was obviously in the NFC East. You hypothetical dumbass from the past.)

But it's true. Arizona somehow made the Super Bowl last year. The same team that Tarvaris Jackson torched for an easy Minnesota 35-14 win in Arizona last year. And even after Vince Young gave Matt Leinart an acid flashback of the 2006 Rose Bowl last week, the Cardinals are still perched atop their division by two games. (Note: I totally didn't mean to make the lame "Cardinals/perched" pun there, but I'm not surprised that I accidentally did.) Technically, the road to the NFC Championship still runs through Glendale, AZ.

But only until Sunday night, if everything goes well for the Vikes. A win for the Purple means the road to Super Bowl XLIV takes a detour away from Arizona.

If the Vikings prevail in the desert, they'll guarantee that Arizona would get the third seed in the NFC at the very best, assuring the Cardinals will have to go on the road to make it back to the Super Bowl. (Yes, I realize they won a road game to get there last year, but they still won the NFC Championship at home. Just stay with my flimsy detour theme here. I posted a picture of a sign and everything.)

But just like creating real detours, we shouldn't expect this one to go smoothly. Yes, Favre is exponentially better than T-Jax. However, we're not the only team that has a Social Security-eligible quarterback that's still playing well. I know Kurt Warner missed last week's game, but I'd be surprised if he didn't play based on what I've heard this week. We have a strong core of receivers in El Sid, Percy, B-Twice, and Shank. But Larry Fitzgerald is still the best receiver in the game (you can mention Andre Johnson here, but he's tied with Fitz at the very best). Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston are nothing to sneeze at either. If ever there was a game for Antoine Winfield to make his glorious return to the field, it's this one.

And would you look at this--the Cardinals even brought a little bit of a running game this year. They even average more than 2.3 yards a carry! Beanie Wells and Tim Hightower aren't greatest backfield committee ever (that's Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson and Marcus Allen, of course) but they've added a dimension to Arizona that wasn't really there last year.

Most of us know that stopping the Cards' offense will be tough. But what about the D? From what I've seen of Arizona and learned from the guys over at Revenge Of The Birds, they're better than the numbers show. They're 24th in total yards, but still in the top half of the league in points allowed and tied for fourth in sacks. Defensive lineman Darnell Dockett could give our line some trouble. Karlos Dansby leads the team in tackles and will be a tough test for our running game. Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie is not only annoying to type out, he's also annoying to play against. If Favre can't duplicate his zero-interception November, DRC is always a threat to take picks back to the house. I'd still take Minnesota's defense over Arizona's any day, but it doesn't mean we'll be able to duplicate the easy day in the desert we had last year.

While it would be nice to take another step towards Dome-field advantage, it would also be good to get another victory against a winning team. The only issue the critics have taken with Minnesota this year is "who have they played?" To be honest, the critics have a point. As Bill Simmons said today in his article:

Combined record of the nine teams they've defeated this season: 39-71. Let's give them 2009 Winston Wolf Memorial "Don't Start Sucking Each Other's Popsicles Yet" status.

A win on the road over the 7-4 Cards would give us a little more credibility heading towards the playoffs.

Unfortunately, the detour from Arizona might go south to New Orleans even if Minnesota is victorious on Sunday. I'm sure most of you saw the Saints absolutely disassemble the Patriots on Monday night. The Saints offense is formidable to say the least, but that's not what worries me most about N'awlins. That Superdome crowd was absolutely BONKERS the entire game. Could you imagine them in an NFC Championship Game with the franchise's first Super Bowl appearance on the line? My ear drums are throbbing just thinking about it. Let's hope the Saints drop a couple games down the stretch so we can show them how loud the Metrodome can get in late January. But first thing's first--let's start the construction for the detour on Sunday!

Prediction: Vikings 31, Cardinals 24

The rest of my Week 13 NFL picks (home team in CAPS):

COLTS over Titans: These teams are six games apart in the standings, yet they may be the best two teams in the AFC right now. The Titans make an intriguing upset pick here--until you realize it's still Vince Young vs. Peyton Manning. Young is a winner, but he still throws like Uncle Rico.

Texans over JAGUARS: Would you ever pick either of these teams to win a game if your life depended on it? This game could a blowout either way and I can honestly say I wouldn't be surprised. Let's just move on before I change this pick like I already have six times.

Broncos over CHIEFS: The Chiefs as a team are as broken as Tiger Woods' Escalade. But don't tell that to Jamaal Charles, your 2009 Late-Season Fantasy Pickup From A Terrible Team MVP!

STEELERS over Raiders: The Steelers are on a three-game losing streak. If you had to pick an NFL team to play at home to break a three-game losing streak, wouldn't just about everyone pick the Raiders? I sure would.

Saints over REDSKINS: Yeah, that whole "Detour to Minnesota" theme of my column isn't going to get any help from Washington this week.

BENGALS over Lions: My Eliminator pick of the week--still alive at 12-0! If the Bengals lose two games in the easiest stretch of scheduling ever (Oakland-Cleveland-Detroit), they should be relegated to the UFL.

BEARS over Rams: Two weeks ago, the Seahawks came to the Dome and got pounded. They got to play the Rams the following week. Last week, the Bears came to the Dome and got embarrassed. They get to play the Rams this week. Call it the "NFL Scheduling Mercy Rule".

PANTHERS over Buccaneers: Jake Delhomme is out this week. Does that help or hurt Carolina's chances? Really, I'm serious. I've never even heard of Matt Moore until this week, but I can't imagine he'd be any worse.

Eagles over FALCONS: No Matty Ice for Atlanta this week. Which means they'll have to switch to McNabbelob Golden Light.

Chargers over BROWNS: I literally ran out of jokes to make about the Browns. So instead, I'll treat you to the best NFL theme song ever:

As a bonus, I'll also treat you to the Charger cheerleaders:

There--I bet you've forgotten all about those rotten Browns by now!

GIANTS over Cowboys: It's December. You know what that means Cowboy fans! Time for some melting down!

49ers over SEAHAWKS: Meh. I just need Vernon Davis and Frank Gore to have big weeks for me to clinch the regular season title in one of my fantasy leagues. So I'm picking San Fran.

Patriots over DOLPHINS: The Patriots don't lose two games in a row. I think it's a league rule or something.

Ravens over PACKERS: I have a bunch of Packer fan friends that are heading to Lambeau for this game. Please oh please, Baltimore, ruin their day for me!

Last week: 11-5

Season so far: 123-54 (including getting Thursday's game wrong)

Eric's Thursday NFL (and TV) Pick

ericj69 — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 23:02:06 -0000

Just for integrity's sake. I had another solid 11-5 performance in Week 12, so I just wanted to get my pick on record before tonight's game.

BILLS over Jets (in Toronto): I really don't feel comfortable picking either team. Does the Toronto crowd help or hurt the Bills? Is T.O. having a resurgence late in the year, or was it just two fluky performances against mediocre teams? Does the Sanchize play well or yet again turn into Dirty Sanchez? Will Thomas Jones score me a ton of points since I'm starting him on both of my fantasy teams?

Whatever. Who cares? The matchup is uglier than Marshawn Lynch. I have the NFL Network, yet I probably won't watch more than five minutes of this crapfest.

Why? Because there are much more important things for me to watch tonight. I have a DVR and a TiVo at my place, both of which will be working overtime tonight. "Community", "The Office", "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia", and quite possibly the greatest slice of garbage television ever--the new MTV series that premieres tonight, "Jersey Shore".

Yes, you heard me right--"Jersey Shore". Based only off the promos for the show (I linked to it above), there is so much to simultaneously love and hate about this show. Juiced-up, over-tanned, over-waxed, Jag-bomb-shooting, fist-pumping Guidos that will fistfight over anything, especially who used the last of their hair gel? Check. Girls who all look like they came out of a tanning bed, hairspray, and lip gloss factory and inexplicably adore the aforementioned men? Check. Over the top "Joyzee" accents by everyone involved? Check. I can guarantee I will despise every person on the show for their warped sense of reality, yet equally love each person for their never-ending well of unintentional comedy. If you can't tell, I'm just a little excited for the train wreck to begin.

Oops...looks like I went a little long on stuff that has nothing to do with Thursday night's game. But I had to make sure I had 75 words right? :) So...yeah, enjoy Jets/Bills tonight. Or something.

Last week: 11-5

Season so far: 123-53

Looks Like Adrian's Fast Behind the Wheel Too!

ericj69 — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:51:40 -0000

Looks Like Adrian's Fast Behind the Wheel Too!

There has been a long-standing debate on who the fastest player on the Vikings is. Percy Harvin or Adrian Peterson both claim to be the speediest member of our Beloved Purple.

But when it comes to driving, AP has that contest won hands down.

I guess Purple Jesus was in a hurry on Saturday evening, because he was allegedly clocked at 109 mph on Highway 62 in Edina. Peterson says he wasn't going that fast, and I tend to believe him. I live right off 62 and I'm not sure it's humanly possible to go that fast without running into traffic or construction.