"The Friday Setup" will be a preview of the upcoming races and the schedule of the weekend events (practice and qualifications) leading up to race day. Also it will include other forms of rambling about the upcoming race (and the overall state of IndyCar) by yours truly, because I got to somehow bring up the word-count so SBNation will allow the posting of this article/schedule so you can see it. Or something like that.

Ratings are up. The oval-spec car is asphalt-midget levels of ballsy entertainment. Lead changes happen nearly by the lap. We just witnessed possibly the greatest Indy 500 of all time.

Only two words can derail such on-track momentum:

Belle. Isle.

Oh, God. HELL ISLE? WHY MUST YOU FORSAKEN US, INDYCAR? For the past few years the race after Indy is usually either The Milwaukee Mile or Texas; brilliant racing. Now I have NOTHING against road/street courses, as we’ve seen this year they’ve actually had some entertaining shows this year with the new car. But Belle Isle? Where the number of passing zones and hairpins are…ZERO?

No wonder Panther Racing’s John Barnes wants Randy Bernard’s head on a lance. And of course Tony George supports such anarchy. Not surprising to see such diehard oval IRL-istas leading the charge to end what great momentum and work that has been accomplished since the ‘Nard Dog was hired two years ago. The ONLY good point the Bernard haters make is that there are too few ovals on the schedule and places like Belle Isle doesn’t create great racing…

[suddenly remembers 2007 and 2008 Belle Isle winners]

Hold up. TK and Badass Wilson? THEY won? Now THAT’S what I call proper entertainment. No Penskes, no Ganassis winning? GIVE ME 100,000mg OF THAT AND SHOOT IT INTO MY EYEBALLS. Maybe Hell Isle might actually give us great racing…and a HELL of a lot of DERPs for amusement (and Dallara’s bank account). Hey, Simona's Lotus has to finish ahead of SOMEBODY.

What’s even better is the rainy forecast for much of the weekend.

Hell Isle. The American Toronto. With added water. WE HOPE.

Hopefully that will shut up the haters and rebel owners.

(Race weekend schedule AND Pre-Race Snack of the Week after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

How does IndyCar follow-up one of the greatest Indy 500's ever? How do they continue the incredible momentum? The only ways they know how:

1. A boring street race with little to no passing zones, which was pushed by Roger Penske

2. Another scorched-Earth revolt involving Tony George

Never change, IndyCar. It really is 1995 all over again. Even the New Jersey Devils are in the Cup Finals for good measure. Hopefully the comparisons end there and we don't see a repeat of either scenario. Not only do I NOT want to see a repeat of '95 and the end of IndyCar's reign, but also don't want to see the damn Devils winning again. Hey Los Angeles, want to beat Marty Brodeur? Just show pics of his ex's sister...AND PROFIT (like his ex).

Enough about spoiled rich brats ruining an entire sport now and a generation ago, lets get down to business before I get black flagged for a slow start like a Lotus. Come on, IndyCar...HEAR ADORABLE SIMONA'S PLEA!!! Hear mine, too. I can't drink the Lotus off of my TV screen, or off of her car. Maybe if she had an ATM in her kitchen she can buy-out her contract.

So, on to the Power Rankings. Like I did last year the 500 winner gets the nod for 1st place temporarily this week. However, 1st place this time is the same guy who's won my Power Rankings two straight years.

I'm guessing he's going to make a return by California in September...

(This week's Power Rankings after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

"The Bronze Badge Chronicles" is about my experience with the infamous "Bronze Badge" garage pass. IndyCar fans can purchase one and can be given access to Gasoline Alley for the Month of May. Last year was my first year with the badge. This year, the 2012 Indianapolis 500, is my second year with the badge.

DAYS FIVE AND SIX: May 19 & 20, 2012

The weekend of qualifications. Naturally, this can't be a small one-day post. Many photos were taken over the course of two days, so this is a double-post of sorts.

...with a surprise on Day Two.

What kind of surprise?

Some say, he would've made Bump Day more interesting on the track. And that he DID off of it.

(Photos after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

"The Bronze Badge Chronicles" is about my experience with the infamous "Bronze Badge" garage pass. IndyCar fans can purchase one and can be given access to Gasoline Alley for the Month of May. Last year was my first year with the badge. This year, the 2012 Indianapolis 500, is my second year with the badge.

DAY FOUR: May 18, 2012

With qualifications a day away today was "Fast Friday" (or as the Lotus teams would call it: "the day we go faster than NASCAR...sort of") and with it comes faster speeds. Also today was the last full day of practice, so this might be one of my last chances to get my picture taken with a certain Lotus driver that doesn't wear a hat from the 1920s.

Did I succeed like last year?

No chance you say, since Monica Hilton (the one who helped me last year) does PR for Bryan Herta Autosport this year instead of HVM Racing.

Yep, impossible.

...OR WAS IT?

(Photos after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

"The Bronze Badge Chronicles" is about my experience with the infamous "Bronze Badge" garage pass. IndyCar fans can purchase one and can be given access to Gasoline Alley for the Month of May. Last year was my first year with the badge. This year, the 2012 Indianapolis 500, is my second year with the badge.

DAY THREE: May 17th, 2012

You know that awkward feeling that you know today isn't that important as the next day? It was the day before Fast Friday, so we didn't stay too long. I snapped a few pictures, stayed for a bit, and headed home.

...but not before some interesting pictures, and confirming Dragon Racing actually LIVES.

(Photos after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

"The Bronze Badge Chronicles" is about my experience with the infamous "Bronze Badge" garage pass. IndyCar fans can purchase and can be given access to Gasoline Alley for the Month of May. Last year was my first year with the badge. This year, the 2012 Indianapolis 500, is my second year with the badge.

DAY TWO: May 16th, 2012

Of course I knew today wasn't going to be as good as yesterday. Getting Simona to sign my helmet was really the primary objective of the entire month. Nothing can top that.

NOTHING.

Unless it involves motorcycle theft?

On to the photos...

(Photos after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

"The Bronze Badge Chronicles" is about my experience with the infamous "Bronze Badge" garage pass. IndyCar fans can purchase and can be given access to Gasoline Alley for the Month of May. Last year was my first year with the badge. This year, the 2012 Indianapolis 500, is my second year with the badge.

DAY ONE: May 15, 2012

Yep, here I go again.

Many different things about this year. Of course the new cars, engines, etc. are among the many different things, but this year I won't be alone in Gasoline Alley. My brother also has a Bronze Badge for himself this year. So now I get a partner in crime.

...and boy did we score. On day one.

Enough BS-ing, on with the show...

(Photos after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

"A year's waiting is about to come to an end. The 2 1/2 miles beckon."

Absolutely, Paul Page.

A lot has happened in a year, let alone the last time IndyCar held a race weeks ago. The Turbo Saga (ah, the good-ole days of engine wars have indeed returned), The messy Lotus divorces, Inspector Clouseau getting an IndyCar ride, Jay Howard getting a ride...then not...then so...then not, certain former IndyCar drivers forgetting to act like IndyCar drivers...and it's only the first week of May.

Well, where to begin for this year's Indy 500? I know...blog about DEGENERATE GAMBLING!!!! It's how this country was built and continues to operate, by people getting down and DERPing away coin! Wait, blogging about gambling? ESPN GIG HERE I COME!!!

It appears Sportsbook.ag says that Team Penske, despite their DERPtastic performance last year, are the odds on favorites for the Indy 500. Apparently they think their dominance on the road courses translates to an upcoming oval beat-em-down; obviously they know nothing about Honda's turbo upgrades or the ability of Will Power's pit crew to flush oval races down the drain. Place bets on the Ganasshats if you like placing bets on front-runners and want to receive COIN the easy way.

As for the long shots, Rahal at 30/1? CASH. He was right behind the Wheldon/JR finish last year (and wait a minute...he's a Ganasshat, too! Sportsbook, FIX YO BOOKIES). Oriol Servia at 50/1? CASH. Now that he has a Chevy and is teamed up with Panther Racing expect him to be a legit threat. Tagliani at 60/1? CASH. Last year's pole winning driver paired up with last year's race winning team now with the hot Honda engine? Gimmie THAT.

Simona de Silvestro at 100/1? What, did they run out of zeros? Heh, heh...heh, heh...heh...

[cries uncontrollably]

Why must fate forsaken her AGAIN, now being the lone full-time Lotus car? All the Lotus teams get new and shiny (and WORKING) NON-LOTUS engines and she doesn't? I'm beginning to think that either in a past life she executed millions of innocent puppies, or there might actually be a Lotus pentagram displayed somewhere in her apartment and she wants nothing but the absolute destruction of Colin Chapman's legacy. THESE ARE VERY LOGICAL EXPLANATIONS, PROBABLY.

Speaking of someone who's hot, who's hottest in this week's Power Rankings entering the hot (hopefully not wet) month of May?

Like last year the winner of the 500 will get honorary P1 placement and accolades for the next Power Rankings, even if they are only a part-timer and/or a back-marker.

(This week's Power Rankings after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

"The Friday Setup" will be a preview of the upcoming races and the schedule of the weekend events (practice and qualifications) leading up to race day. Also it will include other forms of rambling about the upcoming race (and the overall state of IndyCar) by yours truly, because I got to somehow bring up the word-count so SBNation will allow the posting of this article/schedule so you can see it. Or something like that.

Normally I'm supposed to at least a proper preview the upcoming race, but being this is Brazil and there's a chance for rain most of the weekend I can't quite, and no one else can. In year one of this event we saw Mario Moraes decide to park his car on Marco Andretti's head on lap one turn one and less than an hour later there was a hailstorm. In year two we saw Helio, Danica, and Simona decide to create a very awkward threesome on lap one turn two...in a downpour. That was the second year in a row there was a race-altering storm/downpour and we could see another Sunday, if not during practice/qualifications as well.

So, year three? With rain chances every day? With a new car that has had only one full race weekend (without weather) of practice? DERPfest: Long Beach was just that from the first turn of the first lap to the last turn of the last lap. Take that, multiply by two, add water, hail and a fire tornado and you'll get Sao Paulo 2012.

No matter how DERPtacular the race will turn out to be (Dallara is going to make some COIN this week), it will pale in comparison to the (remaining) Lotus teams who have to make due with such a power disadvantage with such a long straightaway that's 0.9 miles long. That means there would be enough time going down that straight for Bourdais to phone home and make arrangements for Le Mans, Simona to also use the phone (but her arrangements would be for finding another IndyCar team) and Legge to sing the entire score from the HMS Pinafore. (I promise that will be my last Simpsons reference for a while...)

Why did I become a Simona fan...

Why couldn't I have picked Will Power, who is going to win this weekend (AGAIN)?

(Race weekend schedule AND Pre-Race Snack of the Week after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

Turbos. Screaming cars. Passing at Long Beach. Passing when you least suspect it. Road-course races worth watching. Rahals bitching at Andrettis. Andrettis bitching at Rahals. Engine politics. Illmor engines owning the series. Judd engines getting owned. Massive race-day crowds. Ganassi looking semi-useless.

Are we in the right decade? The only thing that's missing are CART badges on the roll-hoop instead of IZOD IndyCar badges on the airboxes. Okay, two extra cylinders in the engine bay as well.

Enough with the reminiscing, lets get back to the future into 2012. Will Power is if anything BETTER than ever. He doesn't even need to win pole positions to bring forth vengeful ownage. I think we need to adopt two new rules for IndyCar going forward:

- Will Power must start no higher than row 5 of a road-course event.
- Tony Kanaan must start no higher than row 5 of an oval event.

Also placing cameras on said cars would dramatically increase the quality of the broadcast (I'm looking at you, ABC).

So it's rather obvious who leads the Power Rankings this week. However how did everybody else do and where should they go? Last Friday I went all Simpsons-y on you and none of you really bitched, so lets do it again. This time to help me in analyising the field I'll be using...

...RALPH WIGGUM QUOTES.

(This week's Power Rankings after the jump..."My cat's name is Mittens!!!")

Continue reading this post »

The Friday Setup" will be a preview of the upcoming races and the schedule of the weekend events (practice and qualifications) leading up to race day. Also it will include other forms of rambling about the upcoming race (and the overall state of IndyCar) by yours truly, because I got to somehow bring up the word-count so SBNation will allow the posting of this article/schedule so you can see it. Or something like that.

Ah, Long Beach. A classic venue with some nice straightaways for (some) passing. Also since it's on the west coast the start time is in the mid-afternoon...I GET TO SLEEP IN!!! SORT OF!!! Long Beach is the longest running North American street race and has been around since about the year nineteen-dickety-two, which was called nineteen-dickety-two, because the Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty".

Two races into the 2012 season and damn it feels good being a Chevy gangsta...except for this week. With all those Chevys starting at or near the back Long Beach is going to be a good show, and a chance for Lotus to actually have nearly all of their cars NOT start at the back and a shot at Top 10s. GO LOTUS BANANA!!! (Name a video that better describes IndyCar's engine competition) You have to think this is Dario's chance to climb back into the fight and/or Scott Dixon to not finish runner-up again this week and take complete control.

While we're on the topic of grid penalties you all have to remember everybody AGREED to these rules a while back and it makes no sense to change these rules mid-season. It would be unfair to those who have already been penalized. If anything they might have to ADD something extra to the penalties since Chevy obviously don't give a DAMN about 10-spot penalties by changing all of their engines. How about bringing back paddling??!? Change the engine? That's a paddlin. Questioning Race Director Beaux Barfield? That's a paddlin. Punting another driver? That's a paddlin. Faulty restart? That's a paddlin. Staring at Simona de Silvestro? That's a paddlin (hopefully by her).

Writing something creepy like that last one? That's a paddlin.

Writing a too-short Friday Setup writeup, with not enough IndyCar analysis and too many Simpsons references?

That's a paddlin.

DAMN.

(Race weekend schedule AND Pre-Race Snack of the Week after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

Myself and the rest of the world thought that, as usual, Barber would be a follow-the-leader snoozer with minimal passing. Surely this new car can't create great racing at a course with so few passing zones. Surely the one who started on the pole wouldn't be beaten. Surely the winner wouldn't start outside of the Top 5...

So much for that.

Not only were cars passing each other at will, they were doing it at other places than just the Turn 5 hairpin. It seemed every turn was a potential passing zone and even blocking (which is now legal) made for impressive fights for position. It just goes to show when a car is designed to go left AND right (unlike the 2003 Dallara) it can indeed put on a good show at a place like Barber.

Also it goes to show that a TV network willing to give a DAMN about the quality of its coverage will result in a quality broadcast. ABC, FIX YO BROKEN SELVES. Please never change, NBC (apart from firing Lindy Thackston and sending out Robin Miller during race invocation, although I enjoyed the schadenfreude AND it got Robin trending on Twitter worldwide).

So, after all the blissful madness (for road course racing standards) who tops Power Rankings this week heading into Long Beach?

(This week's Power Rankings after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

"The Friday Setup" will be a preview of the upcoming races and the schedule of the weekend events (practice and qualifications) leading up to race day. Also it will include other forms of rambling about the upcoming race (and the overall state of IndyCar) by yours truly, because I got to somehow bring up the word-count so SBNation will allow the posting of this article/schedule so you can see it. Or something like that.

Well, the first race of the new era was just sort of...meh.

Unless of course you were AT the race in St Pete, where you were able to fully enjoy the race and see the passing. And know what happened to Bourdais. And what happened to JR. And what happened to the others on the last lap running out of fuel. And not miss the post race interviews because of stupid local ABC affiliates. Oh, ABC...never change. There is also no need to find a cure for insomnia when your color commentator is Scott Goodyear.

Now we get to experience the first race of the artist formerly known as Versus Programming, now known as NBC Sports. Already we have a problem. A big one. NO LINDY THACKSTON...yet we STILL have Robin Miller? Bringing in Townsend Bell is okay, but dumping LindyCar and keeping Robin? FIX YO LINEUP. This will not stand...this aggression will not stand, man. NBC, YOU HAVE PEED ON OUR F***ING RUGS, MAN. At least I'm housebroken. Lindy was a valued reporter; she really tied the room together. We are talking about unchecked aggression here. Robin Miller is a nihilist; he believes in nothing...I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, at least it's an ethos.

Well, it isn't as bad as NBC giving Keith Olbermann a freaking political show. Or having Bill Weber the lead commentator for NASCAR races. Or the whole Dateline NBC vs. NASCAR at Martinsville trolling episode. Or the whole Jay Leno/Conan O'Brien saga. Or having Faith Hill sing every week before a football game....

Anyways, this week IndyCar is at Barber Motorsports Park (which has a slight resemblance to "Mario Circuit 3" from "Super Mario Kart"). For those who missed cars passing each other last week due to ABC's ineptitude, be prepared to NOT MISS a single pass. Basically because there will only be a few. The "Charlotte's Web" hairpin is the one true legit passing zone (if you can even call it THAT). Also with the high speed corners, straights and overall higher average speeds this is more of a power circuit than St. Petersburg. That means the poor Lotus teams will most likely take the bottom of the speed charts. As a Simona fan, there is only one cure for that: Jack and Coke. The Coke is there to remind me of her sweetness and the happy days. The Jack is for numbing the coming pain of that damn Lotus and to forget it all ever happened. And with that I'm no longer going to be an organ donor; who would want a liver of a Simona de Silvestro fan?

Perhaps they'll let her qualify blind-folded, just to liven up the boring idea of having to watch a Lotus qualify...

(Race weekend schedule AND Pre-Race Snack of the Week after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

After months and months of waiting and testing (for the Lotus teams it was more waiting and less testing) a proper Race Day came upon us. A brand new era was to start out of the bitter ashes of the old. Brand new cars and brand new engines meant possibly a different kind of result.

During the race you got the impression that instead for the most part it was same-old-same-old. Penske and Ganassi looked strong and Andretti were nipping on their heels. Besides the occasional mechanical failures of the Lotus smaller teams the bigger ones seemed bulletproof. As for the racing itself ABC made sure each and every live pass (and several of the mechanical failures) was NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. At least they showed the replays. Sometimes. ABC, FIX YO TV DIRECTOR. Not helping was the "meh" attitude and enthusiasm from the broadcast booth.

...then Helio made it all worth while.

You can kind of take a guess who leads Power Rankings heading into Alabama.

(This week's Power Rankings after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

"The Friday Setup" will be a preview of the upcoming races and the schedule of the weekend events (practice and qualifications) leading up to race day. Also it will include other forms of rambling about the upcoming race (and the overall state of IndyCar) by yours truly, because I got to somehow bring up the word-count so SBNation will allow the posting of this article/schedule so you can see it. Or something like that.

...and yes, the title photograph is Simona de Silvestro bending over her old naked 2011 car "Porkchop" looking at her cockpit. Of course I took that picture at that moment, and of course that's the picture I'll use for The Friday Setup banner. Duh. What else was I going to post? A picture of Scott Dixon going over wing angles with his engineer? LAME. Sexy drivers bending over nude cars showing its innards FOR THE WIN! Heh heh, "bending over a naked car looking at her cockpit"...sometimes I amaze myself.

New season, new car, new engines, new faces, new places, nearly new everything.

Considering how last season ended IndyCar needed less of the old as possible. The new car may not be much of a looker, but it's a damn sight better looking than the old model (and the duckbill platypus F1 cars for this year) and hopefully much more safer. The sweet-sounding turbo V6s are a huge upgrade to the buzzing normally-aspirated Honda V8s of yesteryear. However they are more susceptible to going KERBLAMMO and spilling its guts and oil on the track. Invest in oil-dry stock NOW.

Also she-who-shall-not-be-named has been replaced at Andretti Autosport by James Hinchcliffe in the GoDaddy machine. In terms of worldwide popularity the void she has left has been well filled by the arrival of popular F1 standout Rubens Barrichello at KV Racing. Lastly the void she leaves in terms of the ladies on the grid has been filled by the return of Katherine Legge to American Open Wheel racing.

BAM. TRIPLE UPGRADE. THREE FOR THE PRICE OF ONE.

What else can we expect to be better this year than last? One thing's for sure, Helio NOT posing for ESPN's Body Mag again this year would be a good start from him. No, I will NOT post that damn picture. Dammit, Helio. Dammit, ESPN Body Mag. Obviously the ladies of IndyCar turned down the photo-shoot, so why did you "settle" for HIM? You were better off not doing it at all. NOTHING will make up for that fiasco. Not even a Playboy spread from either Simona or Katherine would erase that memory. (It wouldn't hurt to try that, though...wow, I went THERE? Sorry ladies, I apologize. I'm just mad, that's all. What he displayed can NEVER be unseen.)

One thing that might NOT be better than last year is the lagging Lotus program. During the winter Honda and Chevy got far more track time and during the Sebring test a few weeks ago the Lotus teams were at the bottom of the time sheet. Great. As a Simona fan this news means possibly yet another LONG season ahead. Her driving another turd of a machine will most likely destroy my liver (due to my slight alcoholic tendencies). It's a good thing IndyCar is pushing alcoholic paraphernalia to us all, so I have the tools to help deliver the numbing agents to deal with the sadness...or intensify the joy if she were to steal a race!!!

Yea, yea I know. That's just wishful thinking. Damn Lotus. *cries*

So, with all of that let us begin the 2012 IndyCar season...and of course what better place to kick-off the year than at the adopted hometown of our hero, our legend.

We still miss you, Dan. St. Petersburg does, too.

(Race weekend schedule AND Pre-Race Snack of the Week after the jump. Yep, MORE new things also here at PopOffValve this season!)

Continue reading this post »

Normally on some Tuesdays we around here on Pop Off Valve get creative and speak of IndyCar in Haiku. This Tuesday is a bit different. This Tuesday is Valentine's Day. Seventeen-syllable verses simply will not do on this day. Yo Xzibit, tell them what to expect!

Xzibit: "YO DAWG! I HEARD YOU LIKED POETRY AND IT'S VALENTINES DAY, SO WE MADE YOU A BLOG POST BY PUTTING VALENTINE'S DAY POETRY IN YO VALENTINE'S DAY BLOG POST IN YO INDYCAR BLOG!!!"

Yep, today we'll go over-the-top with the sappiness and romanticism with old-school, epic, full-frontal (easy, big boy) POETRY. OH NO HE DIDN'T!!! HE'S DOING WHAT?!?! I mean come on, this IS Valentine's Day; the day proper poetry was (probably) invented for. Or something. Women LOVE guys who have a way with words (example: Rockstar douchecanoe or not, somebody dated Axl Rose for f**ks sake).

Also of course the subject matter is simply the women of IndyCar. What, you thought I was going to wax poetic about Graham Rahal's waxing of his man region??? Of course this one's to the ladies, and restraining orders be damned. Also I'm not just singling out my personal favorite lady of the paddock, but will be including ALL of the ladies of the IndyCar garage and beyond in my short poems (I'm not THAT GOOD, so small ones will have to do).

This can only end well...but most likely in a restraining order or two.

Or seven.

(Sappy poetry after the jump. Oh God, what have I done...)

Continue reading this post »

2012. The last year of Earth. Probably. If we wake up on December 22, 2012 and NOTHING happens it will mean that the Mayans are the BIGGEST TROLLS IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Yes, bigger trolls than dictators, ESPN "analysts", and the CBS Network execs who thought their already bad TV lineup needed more Rob Schneider. Seriously, who thought THAT was a good idea? If it wasn't for the NFL on CBS, CSI (wait...never mind, Marg Helgenberger is leaving), and Angela Buchman giving me the weather on my local CBS affiliate (WISH-TV, Indianapolis) I would never ever watch that network. Not keeping NASCAR and the Daytona 500...how's that working out for you guys?

Enough whining about things with higher TV ratings than IndyCar. If this is indeed the last year of our world lets at least make it a good time. Lets start with THE RETURN OF HAIKU TUESDAY! So much to haiku about like new driver signings, new teams, rumored driver signings, rumored new teams, rumors of rumors of driver signings, rumors of rumors of teams that may or may not make the start of the season and OH DAMN TAGLIANI'S WIFE IS STILL THE HOTTEST PUNK ROCKER EVER. NASCAR seriously can't hang with IndyCar on the WAG hotness. Yes they got an upgrade on the driver hotness scale with Danica, but she's just a few months away from the big 3-0. I know this, for her 30th is just before mine. Oh, God...30?!?!? It seems just yesterday I was watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 and sipping on Sunny D. Actually, I really DID do both of those things yesterday. Never grow old, kids. It makes you...old.

So, onwards to the off-season haikus after the jump.

Continue reading this post »

"The Friday Setup" will be a preview of the upcoming races and the schedule of the weekend events (practice and qualifications) leading up to race day.  Also it will include other forms of rambling about the upcoming race (and the overall state of IndyCar) by yours truly, because I got to somehow bring up the word-count so SBNation will allow the posting of this article/schedule so you can see it.  Or something like that.

...and yes, the picture for the banner above is Simona bending over her naked car "Porkchop" looking at her cockpit.  Of course that's the picture I'll use for The Friday Setup.  Duh.  What else was I going to post?  A picture of Scott Dixon going over wing angles with his engineer?  Hell, no!  Sexy drivers bending over nude cars showing its innards FOR THE WIN!  Heh, heh..."bending over a naked car looking at her cockpit"...sometimes I amaze myself.

So here it is, the final race weekend.  It's Vegas, and it's already a blast.  Thursday testing saw cars breaking the 220 MPH barrier.  Yes, cars are going faster than on any other oval (and basically as fast as Indy).  Oh yea, there's that championship thing between Dario and Will.  Also Dan Wheldon is going for 5 million dollars.  But the bigger story (to his 1500+ twitter followers) is this is the final race of Porkchop's career.  He better BRING IT or else that watch and fragrance deal he so covets will never happen and he'll just collect dust in the HVM Racing lobby.

Like Porkchop, this is also the final race for rest of the 2003 vintage Dallara cars in the IndyCar series.  From the testing speeds it appears the ugly old things will go out in some form of style.  Most racing fans want the old car to be banished from society since they're so ugly and have been used for so long.  They also represent the CART/IRL split and how far IndyCar racing has fallen in the mainstream.

As for the championship on the line it appears to be all Dario Franchitti's with that 18-point cushion he has over Will Power.  The Penske Rat Pack better step up their game and block Dario so their buddy Will can finally grab that championship that has elluded him...and end the championship streak of Dario.  If not, Dario will will his third title in a row for Chip Ganassi and considering the event is in Vegas and how Chippster rolls with his posse in victory, no one will be safe Sunday evening on the strip.

Schedule of events at the IZOD IndyCar Series World Championsips in Las Vegas after the jump.

Continue reading this post »

Well, one more to go. Sure enough it looks like it's Dario's title to win yet again barring an airstrike. Also it looks like the misfortune of his competition will be the biggest reason of his victory yet again. If he does win his fourth title it will put him in the conversation as one of the all time greats. It figures that I leave the beginning of such boring dominance due to luck (my NASCAR watching days and Jimmie Johnson winning titles due to luck and a "gimmick" such as the "Chase") to come back to IndyCar and what do you know, more of the same. Sure, luck is usually the residue of design, but whose accomplishment is greater and less to do with luck?

Of course the talking heads of the NASCAR media (FOX/SPEED/ESPN/hell, everyone else) will automatically say it is Johnson because in their mind NASCAR is the only top-level professional racing in America. However, if you take away the Chase format he only wins a few. Granted that is a solid accomplishment in itself, but not even enough to join the NASCAR elite with the likes of Petty, Earnhardt or even the man who discovered him and basically built the foundation he stands on: Gordon. Dario's potential three-peat (four-peat if you ignore his NASCAR career that saw him lose his ride due to sponsor issues) looks even more impressive. He's done it with TWO organizations (Andretti, Ganassi) with a pair of Indianapolis 500 wins (Johnson only has the one Daytona 500 victory) and more importantly he earned his titles without a special format and had to score points throughout the season.

However, there is still one more race to run...and one more edition of Power Rankings until the end.

Continue reading this post »

At the start of the 2010 IndyCar season the newly christened CEO of what was called the Indy Racing League (now simply known as INDYCAR) Randy Bernard decided that with a new series title sponsor in IZOD should come a new championship trophy. Also with a new leader of the series with no ties to the split of CART/IRL in 1996 it was time for a trophy that didn't have any ties with it either. The end result was a trophy that became a punch-line rather than a symbol of excellence.

It was a perfect symbol of what American open wheel racing had become to many: a third-rate series that was considered a joke.

At the near-conclusion of the 2011 season Mr. Bernard mentioned on his twitter feed of the possibility of changing the championship trophy once again. With the controversial "Indy Racing League" moniker now dropped it was time to makeup for another mistake (this time by Bernard himself) and to also usher in the new era with a new championship trophy under the new sanctioning body of INDYCAR. Yes, anything would've been an improvement over the 2010 trophy but what was chosen and shown this week was the complete opposite of the outgoing odd piece of art:

Near perfection.

(more after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

Mwuahahaha!!!  The boss is on vacation!  He foolishly promoted me again, this time to Associate Editor!  The site he's worked so hard on is now all mine!!!  Heh, heh...so I guess that means his precious "Haiku Tuesday" is MINE ALL MINE once again!  Let the takeover begin...

So THAT HAPPENED. The final IndyCar race in Kentucky Speedway's history (most likely, judging by the crowd size) was mainly a boring one for the first 2/3rds of the race (except for the #24 team going blind and sending Beatriz into Power) until all Hell broke loose. Cars had minds of their own (literally) barreling into opposing pit crews, rookies taking out their own crews, and some drivers taking each other out also in the pits.

Then there was the finish.

0.0098 of a second separated the biggest team in racing with multiple championships (another one coming as well) with a near-invincible driver and the smallest team that's part-time and looking for a win with a driver that has never tasted victory either despite being oh so close. We all were waiting for Dario to make the final left turn into victory lane and spoil yet another race for us. Yet it didn't happen. As of October 2, 2011 Ed Carpenter is a race winner, Zoey Marie O'Gara is UNDEFEATED and Sarah Fisher proved to us that mothers ALWAYS know best. Sarah superfan Pressdog was indeed tweeting the day after in coherent sentences, which means his victory celebration was probably a bit restrained. Bill, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! If that were Simona de Silvestro crossing the line first the only thing left standing at my house would be empty bottles of Jim Beam, Jack, Goldshlagers (because DRINKING GOLD IS FOR THE VICTORIOUS), and paint thinner...with the smell of the latter substance being dominant for roughly seven months, peeling paint from the walls. Also I wouldn't be heard from (in English, anyways) for weeks.

I guess the events of Sunday would be inspirational enough for poetry writing, in seventeen syllable format of course. So here it is: the return of HAIKU TUESDAY!  EPIC FAST EDDIE CARP VICTORY EDITION!

(haikus after the jump)

Continue reading this post »

Well, we can see the end from here. No more twisties, no more right turns, no more Will Power dominance, and no more "boring races" (according to IndyCar oval racing fans, all 538 of them remaining). The final two races of the season will be raced on the full-throttle high-banked cookie cutter ovals that NASCAR invented (allegedly). That means with Team Ganassi's stranglehold of the ovals the lead Dario lost could be regained rather quickly.

Also with two races to go not only is the season winding down but we're witnessing the final two races of the "Crapwagon Era" and the end of the 2003 Dallara chassis. This means we're also witnessing the final days of the racing career of Porkchop. While we weep for his departure I'm guessing there's at least ONE driver in particular that probably can't wait for that day (considering Porkchop's ineptitude at turning left and not being as quick as other cars).

This week the race is at Kentucky, but NOT on Saturday night like past seasons. I guess they want to race against BOTH the NFL and NASCAR and shoot for the mythical 0.0 TV rating. Actually I'm guessing they didn't want to race in sub 50-degree temps on an oval on an October evening. Who's the man on top of the Power Rankings heading into Kentucky and the final stretch of the season?

Continue reading this post »

The Motegi oval hasn't really produced a memorable or exciting race (except for ONE) and the name "Snoretegi" gets thrown about.  So, with the earthquake damaging the oval the final race at Motegi will be run on the twisty bit.  It remains to be seen whether or not that will make the race more interesting, but the near-continuous earthquakes in the area should.  Wonder if Barnhart will throw a yellow for an earthquake and revert to the previous non-quaked lap?  Will Bridgestone/Firestone build "Quake Tires"?

So with an unknown track, quakes, different time-zone and race-day cheerleaders/mascots(?!?!?) who will race their way to the front?  Also who will find themselves off-line with or without the slightest tremor?

Continue reading this post »

So it's safe to say that Baltimore was a success.  It had the highest TV ratings for an IndyCar race on Versus ever and drew a massive crowd.  Oh yea, and the point fight is dangerously close now.   Also the positive momentum continues with the Lotus/Judd engine program isn't quite as "vaporware" as some internet trolls think it is and now the 5 million dollar Vegas challenge (that had no takers) is now a 5 million dollar bet on Indy 500 champ Dan Wheldon and a fan can go 50/50 on the winnings with him.

So, how can IndyCar keep up the momentum?   A road-course race halfway across the world that starts late and ends in the middle of the night.  Doh.

Positive waves, guys! Positive waves!  Maybe none of the top drivers can figure out the course?  Maybe we can see a first-time winner? Who knows. What I do know is that the Power Rankings has a new leader heading into Motegi (well, he hasn't been up top in a while).

Continue reading this post »

Hmm, a new open wheel racing street course that has train-tracks on it.  Where have I seen that before?

After one practice session today not one car landed into the harbor, so I guess we're safe for now.

Anyways, after the dullness of Sears Point we're due for another insane street race.  Considering how narrow the new track is in places we could be in for one.  Already Dixon, Briscoe and (wait for it...) Viso have made contact with the wall during the first practice session.  One practice session in and we're already ahead of Sears Point in the "well that's interesting" department.

So expect a lot of the unexpected Sunday.  But what you can expect is for these drivers (and one quite literally) to make an impact on race day...

Continue reading this post »

It's been a long, ugly summer in the IZOD IndyCar Series.

Who knew Marco's epic battle with Kanaan would be the high-water mark of it? That was back when the summer STARTED. Since then we've had the Toronto saga, drivers going on probation after Edmonton, a snoozer at Mid-Ohio, the epic meltdown at New Hampshire, and now the even bigger snoozer of Sears Point. But there's been much more than just the races. This summer we've seen Power vs. Dario at Toronto, Power vs. Tagliani at Toronto, Brian Barnhart doing what he does best (or worst, depending on your point of view), owners rejecting the aero-kits and they being delayed until 2013, the complete unknown (and unwanted) Lotus/Judd engine, drivers going on probation and even one being deported.

What's NEVER ugly, regardless of the season, is the weekly Power Rankings. Who's on top this week? Who's the biggest mover?

Meh, it was Sears Point. Don't expect too much.

(Don't worry. Silliness resumes next time with a street race. Silly street racing cures the boring late-summer blues.)

Continue reading this post »

It's been quite the week in Indycar.

What better venue to make people stop whining about Barnhart, Danica, the rules, Danica, Will Power's tantrum, Danica, the finish at New Hampshire and Danica than a race in wine country?  Okay, so this race historically has been a snoozer at times since there are so few places for overtaking at Sears Point.  Last year however it wasn't so bad with the vast difference in Red/Black tires, Dan Wheldon on his head and not even making the start, Simona De Silvestro trying to send Rafa Matos skyward, and Danica's little dispute with Sato.  With the double-file restarts it's almost a guarantee Turns 1 and 2 will be a nightmare (if they even make it that far, right Danny boy?).

Who will be the ones to watch Sunday?

Continue reading this post »

So, Brian Barnhart is invincible, there really are no rules, the Top-3 finishers ran there own race, Will Power hates someone, Danica is really gone this time and apparently testing for the 2012 IndyCar (and its on-track performance) remains NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.  All in all it's been a pretty typical week for IndyCar.  Nothing (good) to see here, so move along.

*smokes cigarette* Was it good for you, baby?

Okay, so TWO good things happened: Will Power is an internet star and a non-Penske/Ganassi car won...although that needed a week or so of confirmation.  Despite the New Hampshire outcome that was subject to change (but really wasn't) one thing is certain to NOT be a debacle: this week's Power Rankings.

Continue reading this post »

Wake up, people!  Mid-Ohio's over!!!

Okay, a couple of things going on this weekend.  First, this weekend (today actually, August 12) marks the 20th anniversary of quite possibly heavy metal's greatest achievement and best selling album of the SoundScan-era.  That's right, take that Shania!!!  Eat it, Alanis!!!  Wow, just look at that list.  So much...JUNK, yet so few pieces of actual MUSIC.

Second, we're back on THE OVALS!  Okay, it's only for one race.  It won't be a full-throttle big oval, instead it will be a proper drivers oval: a short-track.  This week Indycar is racing at New Hampshire for the first time since 1998; when Paul Tracy had a full-time gig and before Tony Stewart discovered cheeseburgers.

So who's got what it takes heading into the (somewhat) unknown?

Continue reading this post »

Zzzzzzzzzz....wha....huh....?  Oh, the race ended.  So much for that.  WOAH!!!  WILL POWER DIDN'T WIN???  Oh, it was Dixon.  Red Car.  Whatever.  This is getting ridiculous.  What's it going to take?  A nuclear strike?  Arming Danica Patrick with Mario Kart weapons (preferably a blue shell)?  Hell, arming her with REAL weapons?  Perhaps had Tagliani and Simona had nitrous hidden in their firesuits (like a certain fella named "Super Tex" did at least once, so they say on his "SportsCentury" episode) it would've made the race FAR more interesting.  Memo to Bernard: Push2Pass must have more power.  What kind of power?  Play "Ivan Stewart's Off-Road Arcade" and load up on nitros (or even Danny Sullivan's IndyCar version of basically the same game).  Keep hitting the nitro button.  THAT'S what no-passing zone rolling-hill twisties NEED, a P2P button with a million extra horsepower where only the skilled can master it.

FACT: the above was directly copy-pasted from my post-Mid-Ohio Power Rankings intro from LAST YEAR.  The only changes were changing "Dario" to "Dixon" and "Milka Duno" to "Danica Patrick".  Except for those two things it was basically the same race as last year.  YAWN.

Yea.  I wasn't too impressed with Mid-Ohio either.  Will this week's Power Rankings be as boring?  NEVER.

Continue reading this post »