fossilhawk
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Iowa 31, Pitt 27: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Sep 21, 2011 12:10 AM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
(EDIT: Bumpity bump. -- RB)
Apologies for being so late with this, but as they say, life intervenes.
Anyway, for the first three quarters I was screaming at the TV. I was screaming at the TV the last quarter too, but for entirely different reasons.
Pictures courtesy of Hawk Central and Yahoo.
Without further ado, then:
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Some Hate Week love for Iowa State.
by fossilhawk on Sep 8, 2011 5:37 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
Because, let's be honest, hate is unhealthy in the long run, and we're bigger people than that.
But, you ask, what's to love about Iowa State? Well, boys and girls, gather 'round and let me tell you.
Love Jamie Pollard, a man whose weasel visage has spawned innumerable BHGP memes over the years. A man whose hubris caused him to place billboards proclaiming ISU's superiority twenty miles from Iowa City, and whose football teams have scored three touchdowns on their supposed inferiors in the five years since those billboards went up. A man who fires coaches that built programs from ashes into competitiveness, and replaces them with incompetent windbags who skip town for more money in less than two years.
Love Jack Trice Stadium, a multipurpose stadium/wind tunnel/cheerleader-grazing ground that any high school in Texas would be proud to call their own. A place named for a man whose tragic death at the feet of opposing players has, ninety years later, become a Shakespearean metaphor for a program: great dreams, crushed under the wheels of an unforgiving reality. A place that was once the state of the art, and now stands as one of the world's largest jokes rendered in physical form.
Love the ISUCF"V"MB, a marching band who will never be able to find enough letters in enough alphabets to mask the silliness of that penguin-walk thing they do when leaving the field.
Iowa 34, TTU 7: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Sep 5, 2011 10:35 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
(Been a while since we've had one of these... -- Ross)
Not wearing rain gear was probably a bad idea. But hey, we ran an inferior team off the field in the middle of a monsoon. Football's back, y'all.
Pictures courtesy of the Gazoo and Hawk Central.
Without further ado, then:
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The Iowa City City Council hates turkey legs, fun
Breathtakingly, breathtakingly stupid.
The epic oral history of the Hawkeye Marching Band
by fossilhawk on Apr 12, 2011 2:20 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
Spencer Hall posted a fine review of college marching band shenanigans over at SBNation that, while a fantastic read, is entirely lacking in stories from the Iowa marching band.
http://www.sbnation.com/ncaa-football/2011/4/12/2106088/college-football-marching-band-epic-stories-history
I know there's other current members and fossils of varying age who frequent this corner of the internets, so let's hear your stories of the HMB. Shenanigans? Favorite alternate lyrics/traditions? Fun little anecdotes? Let's hear 'em.
-The breaking of the piano and the banning from the East Lansing Holiday Inn in 2003.
- The first two Outback Bowls; specifically, the shooting of the fireworks at the Hilton, the blow-up doll, and 200 people plastered on a beach on New Years' Eve.
-The boat paddle incident in Champaign in '06.
What else y'all got?
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Iowa 27, Missouri 24: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Dec 31, 2010 7:45 PM EST
on Black Heart Gold Pants
(Ed. Note: We should probably bump this one last time for 2010. Happy New Year's Eve, all -- thanks for making 2010 fun, even when the games themselves just brought pain. Here's to an even better 2011 -- Ross)
After the close of the season and the offseason issues thus far, it feels good to come back and get a win.
Pictures, as always, courtesy of Hawk Central.
Without further ado, then:
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They got it right last night.
H/T: Hawk Central
over 1 year ago
fossilhawk
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Why I care about Iowa football (or **** you, we're still Iowa).
by fossilhawk on Nov 27, 2010 4:46 PM EST
on Black Heart Gold Pants
So, yeah. We all expected to be in the conversation with Auburn and Oregon at this point in the season. A few special teams and defensive miscues later, we're talking about a fourth Outback Bowl in seven years and wondering what might have been. Some complain about the predictable playcalling. Others complain that we just lack the killer instinct. Others just talk Sartre and complain that "well, we're Iowa, we'll never win anything. Why care anymore?" Here's why.
1. Santayana.
“Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.” Here’s a history lesson: between 1961 and 1980, the Hawkeyes never had a winning season. Between 1922 and 1956, we failed to win a Big Ten title. We haven’t won a Rose Bowl since 1958. We haven’t even had a Heisman winner since 1939.
What’s the point of all this? Success is fleeting, people. Even for the Alabamas, the Miamis and the Nebraskas of the world, constant high-level success is difficult to maintain. Look at the Tide this year: they’re coming off of a national title and all they’ll get is some mediocre January bowl game. Some fans aren’t happy about this. Many of them call into Paul Finebaum’s show and are rightly mocked for their arrogance on EDSBS. Are we these kind of fans? I certainly hope not. I’d much rather appreciate success when it comes, and not complain because what comes isn’t what we all wanted.
2. Coaching.
Sure, the playcalling is predictable. I can usually call pass or run based on formation, and we very rarely go out of our base zone defense. You know what, though? Since 2001, the Hawks have had one losing season. Let me repeat that: ONE LOSING SEASON SINCE 2001. Only Hayden has managed that kind of sustained success here – not even the legendary Forest Evashevski pulled it off.
And maybe predictability is bad – after all, if you know what’s coming at you, you can stop it more effectively. But that weakness is also a strength. What do you think happens when, defensively, you know exactly what the opposing offense is going to run, and you can’t stop them? What happens when you know exactly what to do to beat the opposing defense, and you simply can’t do it? It’s psychological warfare, just like the pink locker rooms. You make the other team think it’ll be easy, and then punch them in the face with your ability to execute your predictable gameplan over and over again. It’s easy, and it’s taken us to the mountaintop, right in sight of the Promised Land. And in time, it’ll get us down into the valley too.
3. The four-letter word.
About a year ago, I wrote a little ditty that I’d like to quote here:
“For every person who makes a corn joke, there's a farmer saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every sweep of his combine and every shipment of corn he sends out to the jokesters. For every Jesse Palmer who says the Boises and TCUs should be rated ahead of us, there's a Clayborn saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every bone-jarring hit they lay on a quarterback or a Sash saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every bitchmaking pick. For every "expert" who says we have offensive problems, there's a Stanzi saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every game-winning drive. And for every brilliant superstar that the other teams have, there's a team at Kinnick saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every sixty minutes or six seconds they play.”
And you know what? That’s still true today. Even in spite the way the Hawks have underperformed this year. Even in spite of the way we’re currently playing against the LOLphers. Because when I see the Tigerhawk on the field and on those helmets, I think of the state where I was born and where I plan on dying, and it reminds me how proud I am to be an Iowan, win or lose. And I think of the players who may not win every game, but make me proud to be a Hawkeye fan through their behavior on and off the field. When you get right down to it, that’s what it’s about – that other four letter word. “Iowa.” And if you can’t care about that, then I can’t help you much.
In conclusion, then, I offer the following five words, win or lose, in success or failure:
“Fuck you. We’re STILL Iowa.”
That is all.
GO HAWKS.
*POSTGAME EDIT* Say what you want about this team. It's probably mostly true, regrettably. But: regardless, I'm still proud to be a Hawkeye. Go Hawks regardless.
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Iowa 18, Indiana 13: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Nov 8, 2010 3:11 PM EST
on Black Heart Gold Pants
[Auto-bump.--AJ]
It's always fun watching games that make you scream death threats at your team's offensive coordinator. But hey, at least we won.
Pictures, per standard, from Hawk Central.
Without further ado, then:
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Iowa 37, Michigan State 6: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Nov 1, 2010 3:46 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
So, yeah. Rushed the field. Touched Stanzi. Touched Clayborn. I'm pretty sure I can now die a happy man.
Pictures, as always, courtesy of Hawk Central.
Without further ado, then:
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Iowa 38, Michigan 28: The Game In Pictures
by fossilhawk on Oct 18, 2010 6:35 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
[Bumped.--AJ]
You don't even have to be a lip reader to be entertained by RichRod's sideline antics, I maintain; the facial expressions are almost good enough by themselves.
Pictures courtesy of the Gazoo and Hawk Central.
Without further ado, then:
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Norm has his foot amputated
It's OK, though, because he only needs one foot to kick some ass.
Get well soon, Coach.
over 1 year ago
fossilhawk
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Iowa 24, Penn State 3: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Oct 4, 2010 3:20 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
(Well, we have to bump this, right? -- Ross)
The DL ate Penn State for dinner, the Stripe-Out worked to perfection, and I got to march with a bunch of my closest friends in the Alumni Band again. In a word, it was amazing.
Pictures, as always, from Hawk Central.
Without further ado, then:
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Iowa 45, Ball State 0: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Sep 27, 2010 8:37 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
[Bumped, of course.--AJ]
Sorry this is late, but the Cheezburger site was being dumb for most of the day.
Executive summary of the game: the weather sucked, and the Hawkeyes didn't.
As always, pictures from Hawk Central.
Without further ado, then:
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Iowa 35, Iowa State 7: The Game In Pictures
by fossilhawk on Sep 13, 2010 3:23 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
(BUMPED for awesomeness, obviously. Helpful hint: you can also access all previous entries in FossilHawk's excellent "The Game in Pictures" series through the tag or this link. -- Ross)
Not much to add to what's already been written, other than the fact that that was the most complete destruction of an Iowa State team I've seen in years. My God, it was beautiful.
Credit for the pictures, as per normal, goes to Hawk Central, with one picture coming out of the open threads from Saturday.
Without further ado, then:
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Iowa 37, Eastern Illinois 7: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Sep 7, 2010 9:24 AM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
[Bumped, of course, though we hasten to add Phil Connors' disclaimer to picture 2: "I'm a god, I'm not the God."--AJ]
I didn't do these for two games last year. UNI was one that I really didn't want to remember, and ASU was a thoroughly "meh" kind of game.
We ended up losing two games last year.
Coincidence? Maybe, but why take chances this year?
Pictures courtesy of the fine new Hawk Central page.
Without further ado, then:
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Tim Tebow met Abdul Hodge the other day.
by fossilhawk on Aug 19, 2010 2:29 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
It didn't end well for Mr. Tebow.
Tim Tebow misses practice with apparent rib injury
From the article:
"The Denver Post notes that Tebow has worn a flak jacket at practice this week, and they believe they pin-pointed the play in which Tebow was hurt. (Hodge slammed Tebow, who bounced off Bengals safety Kyries Hebert.)"
Ordinarily, injuries aren't a laughing matter - see the Maize & Brew post for an example. But for a relatively minor injury inflicted by an ex-Hawkeye upon one of the most ludicrously overhyped athletes in recent memory, I'll make an exception.
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Paul Johnson: "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH."
by fossilhawk on May 7, 2010 7:42 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/writers/cory_mccartney/05/06/gtech/
A few of the choicest comments, for your perusal:
"They can play an eight-man front, that would be good," Johnson said. "Nobody's ever done that against this offense before, lined up like Iowa. It's hard to play against."
"Just out of curiosity, all those people that are worried about [our offense], how many games did Iowa give up over 14 on defense?" Johnson asked.
Denial is an ugly thing.JoePa's had surgery
and it's just as otherworldly and mildly terrifying as you'd think.
Iowa 24, GT 14: the game in pictures. (With bonus charts!)
by fossilhawk on Jan 8, 2010 12:34 AM EST
on Black Heart Gold Pants
[Bumped. One more for the road.--OPS]
Apologies for the lateness - I came home to a wonky internet connection and three hours of sleep in two days finally catching up to me.
Anyhow, the bonus graphs were suggested to me by Hawkeyguy85 (who I sat behind at the Orange Bowl and whose screenname I probably butchered), and then executed much better by my good friend HawkOnRails...but in any case, here's my attempt at a tribute to our number-crunching brethren from the South:
And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Without further ado, then:
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WhatIfSports analysis of the Orange Bowl
by fossilhawk on Dec 15, 2009 10:25 AM EST
on Black Heart Gold Pants
Also posted on the GT site, but there's some interesting results yielded from plugging Iowa and GT in at a neutral field.
They really don't think this will be a close game at all, evidently:
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448891&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448908&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448912&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448916&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448922&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448934&nomenu=1
And when it is a close game:
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448935&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448938&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448969&nomenu=1
But, you know, lies, damn lies, etc.
WhatIfSports
by fossilhawk on Dec 15, 2009 10:19 AM EST
on From The Rumble Seat
They really don't think this will be a close game at all, evidently:
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448891&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448908&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448912&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448916&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448922&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448934&nomenu=1
And when it is a close game:
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448935&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448938&nomenu=1
http://www.whatifsports.com/ncaafb/boxscore.asp?GameID=1448969&nomenu=1
But hey, statistical analysis means nothing, and the only thing that matters is what occurs out on the field.
Right?
Some D-Line Stats to Chew On (RE: The Heisman Race)
by fossilhawk on Dec 11, 2009 4:02 PM EST
on Black Heart Gold Pants
[Bumped. We saw this on Twitter a little bit ago, but FOR REAL THOUGH.--OPS]
The following season stats for defensive lines, submitted for your examination.
Line #1
98 Tkl, 23.5 TFL, 9.5 Sk, 20 QBH, 5 PBU, 0 Int, 1 FF, 3 Blk
Line #2
112 Tkl, 33 TFL, 14 Sk, 48 QBH, 5 PBU, 0 Int, 1 FF, 0 Blk
Line #3
116 Tkl, 25.5 TFL, 15.5 Sk, 10 QBH, 7 PBU, 0 Int, 2 FF, 0 Blk
Line #4
82 Tkl, 23 TFL, 12 Sk, 24 QBH, 10 PBU, 1 Int, 1 FF, 3 Blk
Line #1 = Alabama.
Line #2 = Florida.
Line #3 = Texas.
Line #4 = Ndamukong Suh. By himself.
If this guy doesn't win the Heisman tomorrow, it's an absolute travesty. That is all.
(TFJ: Doc Saturday, via Double Extra Point)
Iowa 12, Minnesota 0: the game in pictures.
by fossilhawk on Nov 24, 2009 12:38 PM EST
on Black Heart Gold Pants
[And one more for the road.--OPS]
Couldn't bring myself to do one of these after the last two weeks, but we won. So I'm back.
Pictures courtesy of the DMR.
Without further ado, then:
...Crap.
Iowa 42, Indiana 24: the game in pictures.
by fossilhawk on Nov 2, 2009 4:45 PM EST
on Black Heart Gold Pants
[Bumped, of course.--OPS]
Before we start, a tribute to a Hawkeye legend. RIP, Evy.
Credit for all pictures, including the above, goes to the DMR.
Without further ado, then:
The season of "f--k you, we're Iowa."
by fossilhawk on Oct 29, 2009 4:31 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
[Pardon the censorship, but obscenities in the headlines can set off peoples' filters, especially at work. In the text is still fine. Just so y'all know.--OPS]
Yes, I know, I usually just caption pictures instead of actually writing things. But this article inspired me:
http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/29/pickin-on-the-big-ten-iowa-isnt-concerned-about-your-scorn/
I think there's a little bit of truth to this. People from outside the Midwest look at Iowa and see an out-of-the-way backwater. We don't have glittering buildings, megamalls, flash, or eighty-degree winters. We don't beat the pants off of grossly overmatched opponents at night, and we don't have glitzy superstars running the latest faddish offensive systems. And because of that, people ask us "Why do you live in such a hellhole?" People tell us, "Your team won't beat Penn State, Wisconsin and Michigan State on the road." And maybe, like this article says, we'll respond with a little self-deprecating humor or a cute joke about how cold our winters are or what days to avoid being downwind of the hog lot.
But you and I both know that deep down, there's a part of us that wants to tell those people, "Fuck you."
Because we know what we've got here. We've got great colleges and universities. We may not have glitzy buildings or the megamalls or any of that, but we also know that we don't need extraneous crap like that to live and thrive. We've got a quarterback with balls of stainless steel, an eleven-headed terror-monster of a defense, and 85 football players led by a coach who never cashes in when the cards are down.
And you can see that attitude just about everywhere you look these days. For every person who makes a corn joke, there's a farmer saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every sweep of his combine and every shipment of corn he sends out to the jokesters. For every Jesse Palmer who says the Boises and TCUs should be rated ahead of us, there's a Clayborn saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every bone-jarring hit they lay on a quarterback or a Sash saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every bitchmaking pick. For every "expert" who says we have offensive problems, there's a Stanzi saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every game-winning drive. And for every brilliant superstar that the other teams have, there's a team at Kinnick saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every sixty minutes or six seconds they play.
So in the coming weeks, every time you see or hear a stale Iowa joke cracked (you will) or read about some expert saying Iowa's not good enough (you will), just smile and let yourself think what our team and everyone else in this great state will think:
"Fuck you, we're Iowa."
That is all.
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Iowa 15, MSU 13: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Oct 26, 2009 12:16 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
So I have this pair of shorts that (1) are heavily patched rags at this point, and (2) are lucky where the Hawks are involved generally.
They got put on before the last play. I'm officially a believer.
Pictures courtesy of the DMR.
Without further ado, then:
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Iowa 20, Wisconsin 10: The Game in Pictures
by fossilhawk on Oct 18, 2009 6:10 PM EDT
on Black Heart Gold Pants
7-0, folks. Unbe-friggin'-lievable.
Credit gets dispersed a little more this week: DMR/Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel/Gazette/P-C for the pictures, you fine folk for the running gags, and Bellanca for inadvertently writing the perfect caption for one of these pictures in his most recent FanPost. Props, y'all.
Without further ado, then:
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