SB Nation User Blog: ghtd36

Better Know An Opponent: Nebraska

ghtd36 — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:51:06 -0000

This is the fourth in an 11-part series highlighting 5 things you may not know about Mizzou’s opponents in the 2009 football season. Please keep in mind that while everything below is true, it’s meant in jest.

Part One – Illinois

Part Two – Bowling Green

Part Three -- Nevada

Today’s profile: The Nebraska Cornhuskers

(Note: again, abbreviated. Get used to the five fun fact version of Better Know. Just sayin’.)

1) Maybe it’s the searing rivalry between Missouri and Nebraska, but I guess I never realized exactly how good a school Nebraska is. I’m not joking: the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is, believe it or not, a truly outstanding school. A land-grant institution created through the Morrill Act in 1869, Nebraska was the first college west of the Mississippi River to grant a Ph. D, and was also the first Western college with a psychology lab. Heck, they even invented a subject: ecology. That’s quite a resume they’ve got working.

But for every brilliant mind, there’s some dude who goes and ruins it. Consider the newspaper, the Daily Nebraskan. In 2008, the University’s Publications Board recognized another newspaper as an affiliated publication, this one satirical. And of course, this type of incisive, witty banter has to have a killer name, right? After all, funny is their business!

The name of that newspaper? The Dailyer Nebraskan. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what is killing the print media.

2) The University of Nebraska-Lincoln is also home to the Sheldon Museum of Art, whose Web site proclaims it to be "One of the nation’s premier university art museums." It is home to a variety of beautiful works of art, including George Baxter’s "The Day Before Marriage"…

…Maurice Prendergast’s "Neponset Bay"…

…and its most famous work, Michelangelo’s "The Creation of Bo."

At least that’s what the site says.

3) Hacksaw?

I do what I’m told. Here’s some embarrassing Nebraska alumni!

Chase Daniel’s BFF Warren Buffett.

Former U.S. Solicitor General James Lee Rankin, who also served as general counsel to the Warren Commission. In other words, cover-up artist.

That guy before Leno. His name slips my mind.

Rocky III villain Roscoe Pound. What’s that? He’s not a boxer? Oh. Well, that’s still a badass name.

4) The Nebraska mascot is Herbie the Husker. In 2003, Nebraska changed the mascot from this…

…to this.

No problem, you say. They’re just updating their image. No biggie.

Except that Nebraska, still staking its claim as the craziest athletic department in the world, put out a press release with a backstory about the change.

An excerpt:

Tired of his old clothes and accessories, Herbie Husker went shopping.

‘Herbie has undergone a rigorous exercise routine, resulting in a loss of 70 pounds of fat and had an increase of 50 pounds in muscle mass and his clothes didn’t fit too well any more,’ said Boyd Epley, Nebraska Director of Athletic Performance. ‘He has gotten his hair cut and now wants to put the finishing touches on his new look. So, he went shopping.’

I’d make up a story about the origins of Truman the Tiger, but, well, THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS, ESPECIALLY TO PUT IT OUT AS A PRESS RELEASE.

/slits journalistic wrists

5) It’s well-documented that Memorial Stadium in Lincoln turns into the state’s third-largest city on football Saturdays. What you may not know is the terrifying truth as to how they "convince" all those people to come.

Enjoy your nightmares, suckers.

Tune in next week for the fifth installment of Better Know An Opponent!

Better Know An Opponent: Nevada

ghtd36 — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:10:35 -0000

This is the third in an 11-part series highlighting 10 5 things you may not know about Mizzou’s opponents in the 2009 football season. Please keep in mind that while everything below is true, it’s meant in jest.

Part One – Illinois

Part Two – Bowling Green

Today’s profile: The Nevada Wolfpack

(Note: today’s Better Know An Opponent will be an abbreviated one; I’m a little swamped at work right now, and haven’t had time to really delve in. Apologies to all my fans.)

1) The University of Nevada is located in Reno, Nevada, the "Biggest Little City In The World." You’ve heard of the term "boom town," right? Well, Reno is a boom town about thirty times over. The first boom came in the mid-1800s, when gold was discovered in the outskirts of the town. The second boom came in the 1860s and 1870s, when the Central Pacific Railroad was built through Reno, which eventually connected with the Union Pacific Railroad, making Reno a transcontinental railway stop. The third boom came in the 1930s, when Nevada legalized casino gambling and passed a series of extremely liberal divorce laws. The fourth and final boom was caused by these men:

2) UNR (as it’s known, to differentiate from UNLV) features a number of outstanding sectors of academia. The University of Nevada School of Medicine is the only medical school in the state. The Mackay School of Earth Sciences and Engineering is one of the foremost mining-specialized schools in the world. And the Donald W. Reynolds School of Journalism has produced six Pulitzer Prize winners.

Wait a second. Wait a second. The Donald W. Reynolds School of Journalism?

Just like…the Donald W. Reynolds Journalism Institute at the University of Missouri?

Just like…the Donald W. Reynolds Program in Business Journalism at Washington and Lee University?

Just like…the Donald W. Reynolds National Center for Business Journalism at Arizona State University’s Cronkite School of Journalism?

And here I thought we were special. We’ve all been had.

3) Tell ‘em, Hacksaw Jim Duggan!

Thanks, Hacksaw! On with the alumni!

Sound engineer Charley Douglass, pioneer of the TV laugh track.

Ear mastication enabler Mills Lane.

Nevada State Assemblywoman (Clark County, district 4) Francis Allen, arrested in 2008 for allegedly stabbing her husband. And what a looker, too.

Washoe, the first monkey to learn sign language. For real. The monkey technically attended Nevada. I can’t stress enough how serious I am.

4) According to the UNR Web site, Nevada’s mascot is a wolf named Alphie.

According to the same site, in 1999, Alphie replaced his cousin Wolfie as the mascot.

According to this Web site, in 2007, Alphie was joined in 2007 by his younger brother, Wolfie Jr.

That means, of course, that there is a Nevada mascot family tree. Methinks they put a little too much thought into the backstory.

5) Nevada’s main rival, not surprisingly, is UNLV. The Wolf Pack holds a 19-15 lead over the Rebels in their football rivalry, in which they play for the Fremont Cannon.

In 1978, after Nevada beat UNLV for the first time in five years, the Wolf Pack players did not want to be separated from the cannon. Coach Chris Ault convinced airport security in Las Vegas to LET THE PLAYERS CARRY IT ONTO THE PLANE BACK TO RENO.

(Emphasis: mine.)

A drum? I can understand that on a plane. A bell? Sure. But a cannon? A freakin’ cannon on a plane?!?

This also set a very dangerous precedent, as evident after Illinois’ recent win over Northwestern.

Tune in next week for the fourth installment of Better Know An Opponent!

Pitching vs. Defense: What's the difference?

ghtd36 — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:48:42 -0000

There's been talk recently about whether the Rangers' pitching is actually better this year than last, or if it's a product of an improved defense.

One recent conversation, between Adam J. Morris and someone we'll just call J. Wales, went something like this:

AJM: Run prevention is better. Pitching, not really.

J. Wales: The defense is much better and a big reason this team gives up fewer runs but to point blank say the pitching really isn’t any better is among the very dumbest things ever said on this message board.

I was interested in this myself, so I delved into good ol' FanGraphs, who brought the statistical noise. The stat that would best capture this, in my estimation, is FIP, or Fielding Independent Pitching. Dave Cameron explains it well:

FIP removes defense from the equation by only looking at three factors that a pitcher has demonstrable control over - walks, strikeouts, and home runs allowed. By using FIP, we’re isolating the pitcher’s core abilities and evaluating him based on those skills. Now, we’re not claiming that FIP captures everything a pitcher is responsible for. It is not the perfect context-neutral pitcher run modeler - we know that. But when confronted with a choice of including way too many non-pitcher inputs or leaving out a few minor actual pitcher inputs, the latter was the better choice.

On to the numbers:

Texas' 2008 ERA: 5.37

Texas' 2008 FIP: 4.83

Difference: +0.53

Texas' defense cost the Rangers pitching staff an extra 0.53 on its collective ERA. But what about 2009?

Texas' 2009 ERA: 4.44

Texas' 2009 FIP: 4.91

Difference: -0.47

The Rangers' defense has shaved an extra 0.47 off the pitching staff's collective ERA. Meanwhile, the FIP is a full 0.08 higher in 2009 than it was in 2008.

So, the defense is markedly better in 2009 while the pitching has actually grown worse. Let's please put the "Texas' pitching is much, much better!" meme to rest, please.

Michael Main is out with mononucleosis per a club official.

ghtd36 — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 15:04:19 -0000

Michael Main is out with mononucleosis per a club official.

Per Keith Law's Twitter.

Better Know An Opponent: Bowling Green

ghtd36 — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:01:54 -0000

This is the second in an 11-part series highlighting 10 things you may not know about Mizzou’s opponents in the 2009 football season. Please keep in mind that while everything below is true, it’s meant in jest.

Part One – Illinois

Today’s profile: The Bowling Green Falcons

1) Bowling Green State University is located in Bowling Green, Ohio. This is notable because Bowling Green, Ohio isn’t even the most universally recognized Bowling Green, as far as I can tell. Bowling Green, Kentucky holds that title. To be quite honest, I always thought that Bowling Green was in Kentucky. Do you realize how backwards this is?

Imagine, for a second, that there was a University of Omaha (not Nebraska-Omaha, not Creighton…just the University of Omaha). Where would you expect that University to be located? Nebraska, right?

Well, by Bowling Green standards, you’d be wrong. It would be on Omaha Beach.

2) In 1946, University President Frank J. Prout began a secret society to promote campus spirit. He chose six people from the yearbook (a highly selective process, obviously) and told them to meet him in his office at 12:45 a.m. and be secretive about it. The six people became the original members of SICSIC, the anonymous spirit organization. The members put on masks, jumpsuits and gloves, and hand out candy to fans. They are not unmasked until the last home basketball game of the year.

According to Wikipedia (truthiness!), the six masks used this year will be Queen Elizabeth, Michael Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Darth Vader, Carlos Santana and Regis Philbin. So, in a lot of ways, it’s like Tap Day at Mizzou, except instead of being bestowed one of the highest academic and social honors in the world, you get to dress up like the dude who wrote "Black Magic Woman" or the guy who hosted Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Classy.

3) Bowling Green has a satellite campus known as BGSU Firelands, right on the shores of Lake Erie. Here’s a recent picture of the campus.

Too easy. Too easy.

4) Do yourself a favor and peruse the Bowling Green Web site. It’s clear that BGSU is on the cutting edge of technology; at the top of the page, you can see links to the school’s RSS feed, its blogs, its SmugMug account (uhhhh?), its Facebook, its Twitter, its YouTube and its MySpace. A really nice touch.

There’s also a nice scrolling picture montage, where they obviously went to great lengths to show diversity. There’s a black guy, a Hispanic guy, an Asian girl, a couple white girls, a black girl, a HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IN HEAVEN.

Bowling Green State University: the school for GIANT WOMEN.

5) Well, it’s about that time to find something hilarious about the Bowling Green campus.

Of course, there’s a mammoth cemetery in the middle of campus, but I’ve now determined that that’s par for the course. Seriously, when will people stop building colleges around cemeteries?

But that’s joke’s been done. Let’s find something else. What’s that little building right there, No. 103? The one next to the cemetery?

Well, that’s comforting.

6) Bowling Green, Ohio is located on the edge of the Great Black Swamp. I’m going to hold off on the Swamp Thing joke, only because I can do better.

Every year, Bowling Green, Ohio hosts the National Tractor Pulling Championships. Nope, no redneck joke here. Reality will instead provide this one.

Here it comes: Bowling Green, Ohio prides itself on being green. Very, very green. They have an $8.8 million utility-sized wind farm with four turbines. They’ve also got solar-powered kiosks that provide information to visitors. The Municipal Utility company allows residents to request green energy. It’s a very green city.

Except for, you know, last year. When they signed a millions-of-dollars-a-year contract with AMP-Ohio to build a 960-megawatt coal-fired power plant.

It’s at this point that I’d like to direct you to this Web site.

7) Hold on, I need to field this phone call.

/picks up phone

Hello? Yeah. Uh-huh. Right now? OK, can do.

/hangs up phone

Well, that was Jesus. He says it’s EMBARRASSING ALUMNI TIME!!!

Judson Laipply, the Evolution of Dance guy.

The one male figure skater in the world who is totally, totally straight, Scott Hamilton. Totally straight.

Ensign Charles Parker from McHale’s Navy.

A guy named Orel. Teehee.

Ric Ocasek, former rhythm guitarist and vocalist for The Cars. Because really, who’s gonna drive you home?

8) Illinois, I think you’ve been topped in the ridiculous fight song category. Bowling Green’s fight song?

Ay Ziggy Zoomba.

Enjoy.

Ay Ziggy Zoomba Zoomba Zoomba
Ay Ziggy Zoomba Zoomba Ze
Ay Ziggy Zoomba Zoomba Zoomba
Ay Ziggy Zoomba Zoomba Ze
Roll along, you B-G warriors
Roll along, and fight for B-G-S-U.

The song comes from a Zulu war chant, and was written in Gilbert Fox in 1948, an original member of SICSIC. But what’s little known is that it was at the request of then-coach Zibhebhu.

Great offensive coordinator, but just couldn’t make the transition to head coach.

9) The mascot at Bowling Green is the Falcon, and the fuzzy things that run around on the sideline are Freddy and Frieda Falcon.

Their identities are kept secret until near the end of the year, when they take place in a "beheading ceremony" (seriously).

This is an artist’s rendition.

10) I can connect Bowling Green to Mizzou by just two degrees of separation. Ready? Here goes.

Bowling Green’s main rival is Toledo.

Who’s a former coach of Toledo?

Gary Pinkel.

The Falcons and the Rockets play for the Peace Pipe in the Battle of I-75. In Pinkel’s ten seasons at the helm of Toledo, he went 5-5 against Bowling Green. As with all ties, we need to get a ruling.

Welp, that settles that. Thanks again, Jeopardy Fatality Jesus!

Tune in next week for the third installment of Better Know An Opponent!

OT: Bryce Harper drops HS for pros

ghtd36 — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:59:26 -0000

Las Vegas High School baseball phenom Bryce Harper, 16, is dropping out of high school two years early in order to speed his ascent to the pros, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reports.

Harper, a 16-year-old who just completed his sophomore year, has registered at the College of Southern Nevada, where he plans to attend classes in August and play for the Coyotes next season.

His father (surprise!) thinks this is the smartest thing ever.

"Bryce is always looking for his next challenge," Ron Harper said. "He's going to pursue his education, too. He's going to get pushed academically and athletically.

"I don't see a problem with it. I think we've handled it the right way. I think it will be a great story."

These steps should make him eligible for next year's draft, where he's basically a lock to be the No. 1 pick.

For those unfamiliar with Harper, he's supposedly the greatest prep baseball player of all time. He was recently on the cover of Sports Illustrated proclaiming him as "Baseball's Chosen One."

(via)

His 2009 numbers for Las Vegas High School are astounding: .626, 14 HRs, 55 RBI, 36 SBs for the 6-foot-3 catcher/shortstop.

Not sure how I feel about a high schooler skipping high school to become a pro, but I suppose it's the world we live in.

OT: Driver of Adenhart's car drunk, underage

ghtd36 — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:32:09 -0000

The tragic Nick Adenhart situation just gets sadder, as the Orange County Weekly has obtained autopsy reports that show that Courtney Stewart, the woman who was driving the car in which Adenhart was driving, was drunk.

However, I obtained a copy of a toxicological report this morning showing that Courtney Stewart was also driving while intoxicated, with a blood alcohol content of .16 percent, twice the legal limit assuming that Stewart, who was 20, was allowed to drink. The legal limit for underage drivers is actually .01 percent, meaning that Stewart was 16 times drunker than the law allows.

Andrew Gallo, the driver of the other car, was drunk and driving with a suspended license due to a DUI (and apparently ran a red light), but I can't imagine this helps the prosecutor's case for the strictest of punishments.

I know we've got a lot of lawyers on this blog; anyone know what this could do to the case against Gallo?

The Royals drafting a Mizzou Tiger in the first round is truly combining two of my favorite things...

ghtd36 — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:04:07 -0000

The Royals drafting a Mizzou Tiger in the first round is truly combining two of my favorite things in life. It feels almost like I'm drinking a Guinness while munching on Arthur Bryant's burnt ends while listening to Led Zepplin while watching Padme Lakshmi inhale a Western bacon cheeseburger.

The Upon Further Review blog at the KC Star made me giggle.

Better Know An Opponent: Illinois

ghtd36 — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:12:58 -0000

This is the first in an 11-part series highlighting 10 things you may not know about Mizzou’s opponents in the 2009 football season. Please keep in mind that while everything below is true, it’s meant in jest.

Better Know An Opponent, Vol. 1: 2009 NCAA Tournament Opponents

Part One – Cornell

Part Two – Marquette

Part Three – Memphis

Part Four – Connecticut

Today’s profile: The Illinois Fighting Illini

1) The University of Illinois is located in two cities: Champaign and Urbana. The two cities form the Champaign-Urbana Metropolitan Area, which is a generous term considering it’s in the middle of Illinois. It’s also colloquially known as "Chambana," a clever combination of Champaign and Urbana.

Mistake number one was putting a major university – 10th largest in the nation! – in two freakin’ cities. What genius came up with that idea? "Hey, nevermind the obvious tax code problems and the fact that this is clearly going to confuse everyone who ever tries to address a letter, or, say, a college application, to the University; let’s spice things up!"

Mistake number two was giving it a silly nickname like Chambana. Hey, here’s an idea: since Columbia and Jefferson City are close to one another, let’s just call that part of Missouri "Cofferbia City." Sure, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, but it’s cute, isn’t it?

2) You’ve heard of a land-grant university, institutions established through the Morrill Acts to focus on agriculture, science and engineering. These include places like Mizzou, Nebraska, Texas A&M, Tennessee and Illinois.

You may have even heard of a sea-grant university, institutions involved in scientific research geared toward conservation of the U.S coasts and marine areas. These universities include Southern California, LSU, Maine and, yes, Illinois.

But I know for a fact that you have never heard of a space-grant university. It’s a university designated to receive funding from the federal government for aeronautical and space-related research. And guess who’s on that list, too?

Yep: Illinois. Looks like someone bought a certain Marquette graduate’s book.

3) The more I read about Illinois, the more I realize that this is a dorky, dorky, dorky school. Five quick fun facts to illustrate exactly how nerdy the University of Illinois is:

-The university built the ILLIAC in 1952, the first computer built and owned entirely by an educational institution.

-The Ph.D. Computer Science program at Illinois ranks fifth nationally.

-The Illinois Web site actually brags about its "10 gigabits-per-second redundant connections to major research networks and over 2 petabytes of storage space."

-The school actually held a celebration on Jan. 12, 1997 as the birthday of HAL 900. You know, the robot in 2001: A Space Odyssey. That's because it claims it was born in Urbana, Illinois. But that's beside the point: IT IS NOT ONLY A ROBOT, BUT A FICTIONAL ROBOT. No, really. It happened. That’s not the joke.

-I’m relatively sure the University of Illinois has never kissed a girl.

(The last one. That was the joke.)

4) Oh, let’s stop ragging on Illinois for a second and take a look at their beautiful campus. After all, it can’t all be bad.

Oh, cool! The athletics portion of campus! Let’s see…Oh, A11, that’s Assembly Hall, where the basketball team plays! And what else…there, A3, the Activities and Recreational Center. Hmm, and M11, that’s Memorial Stadium, the football stadium. I7’s baseball, T5’s track, E3 is softball. Awesome! It’s all in the same area!

But what is that big red area with the question marks over it? I mean, I’m sure it can’t be anything too…

Well then. That’s unfortunate. Didn’t see that one coming.

5) Travel with me, won't you, back in time. The year is 1911. Two Illinois students, Howard Green and Harold Hill, think that Illinois' fight song is lame.

(Side conversation: when you read the names "Howard Green and Harold Hill", did you think of these guys?

Me too. Moving on.)

Anyways, these two dudes think that the Illinois fight song, Illinois Loyalty, doesn't adequately fire up the Illini faithful.

And when you look at the words, you can see why. "

We're loyal to you Illinois,

We're "Orange and Blue," Illinois

We'll back you to stan

Gainst the best in the land

For we know you have sand, Illinois

Rah! Rah!

Yawnville, USA. And beyond that, it doesn't really make sense.

So, they want to write a new song, something that can really get the orange and blue pumped up. A novel idea! Tip-top! Cheerio! Insert antiquated early 20th century exclamation!

So Harold and Howard went to work, crafting a new fight song. And after what must have been minutes of thought, they came up with a song called "Oskie Wow Wow."

Oskie. Wow Wow. All because a song called Illinois Loyalty didn't adequately get the message across.

I don't even have a joke. Like...wow. Wow wow. Oskie wow wow.

Oooh, I get it now.

6) The University of Illinois claims that it created the idea of homecoming in 1910. The University of Missouri claims that it created the idea of homecoming in 1911. Let's get a ruling.

Thanks, Jeopardy Fatality Jesus!

7) What's that I hear coming 'round the bend? Why, it's Embarrassing Alumni Time!

Portly thumb enthusiast Roger Ebert.

Neurotic destroyer of Ferraris Cameron Frye. Oh, I mean actor Alan Ruck. (Hint: no, I don't mean that).

Delicious architect of Lincoln Memorial Henry Bacon

This dude who owes me $19.99. The Showtime Rotisserie does not make cooking easy or fun, you jerkass. But wait, there's more: you're a douche.

8) If we can get serious here for a second, I need to honor an esteemed alumni of the University of Illinois. This man has given so much to this world that it wouldn't feel right lumping him in with all those other losers. When we now think of innovation, of visionaries, of geniuses, this man, a proud alumus of Illinois, should be the first one of which we think. He's brilliant and courageous, and this nation...nay, this world... owes him a great debt of gratitude.

I'm speaking, of course, of this man.

A gracious nation salutes you, Mr. Hefner. Hank Baskett, too.

9) Time to tackle the obvious thing: the mascot. Chief Illiniwek became the mascot of the University of Illinois in 1926 when an assistant director of bands decided it would be cool to have a Native American dance before the halftime performance. Because, you know, it's not horribly offensive to make a caricature of one of the most oppressed groups of people in American history.

For 81 years, Chief Illiniwek, dressed in authentic Native American gear, performed at athletic events, doing his own version of a Native American dance. That is, until someone (SPOILER ALERT!) complained. Soon, the NAACP, Amnesty International and basically everyone else decided that Chief Illiniwek wasn't cool, probably because he was misappropriating Native American culture. Or somesuch nonsense...I mean, c'mon! It's funny and clever and cute! Who cares if thousands of people are offended? Our kids think it's funny!

Finally in 2005, after years and years of debate and legislation, the NCAA decided to put a stop to Chief Illiniwek, banning "hostile and abusive American Indian nicknames." Illinois students fought the ban the only way they knew how: whining. But to no avail.

On February 21, 2007, Chief Illiniwek made his last dance. A movie was later made of the incident.

In a related note, Illinois, for some reason, rejected my alternative mascot suggestion.

10) This is Ron Zook, the head football coach at the University of Illinois.

His full name is Ronald INTENSITY Zook.

Tune in next week for the second installment of Better Know An Opponent!

This sucks: Eric Nadel out with torn retina. In surgery now. Going to miss some Rangers games for...

ghtd36 — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 14:29:26 -0000

This sucks: Eric Nadel out with torn retina. In surgery now. Going to miss some Rangers games for first time in 20 years.

Per Evan Grant's Twitter. And he's right: this does suck. Get well soon, Eric.