SB Nation User Blog: homesickalien

To DH or not to DH.....

homesickalien — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 18:43:38 -0000

More photos » by Tony Gutierrez - AP

According to CHONE, Cust is a surprisingly more effective hitter when holding the bat.

Probably best to get some fresh thread blood up for the weekend.
Here is a warm and cozy place to kick back and continue pondering the remaining, possibly tragic (hence the title) 2010 roster hole: DH.

Is Thome waiting by the phone, as Mitch. depicted in his "Gentleman on Velvet"?
Should we pursue Cust/Delgado/Vlad/any other oafish sluggers?
How about that Rotating DH idea (Kotsay/Vizquel/Jones)? Would Ozzie really do that to us?

I hope you don't mind the itchy-scab-scented incense I'm burning from the last thread. I promise there are a couple new wounds after the jump.

Touché!

~Sox claim Freddy Dolsi for the 40-man and a potential bullpen spot. (Yarmulke-tip to joewho112.)

Dolsi, 26, was 4-3 with a 3.83 ERA and 10 saves in 39 games with Class AAA Toledo last season. He also was 1-0 with a 1.69 ERA in six games with the Tigers. He has spent seven seasons in the Tigers' minor leagues.

~Jim at SoxMachine already compiled the worstuv position players list, and here is his take on the awfulest of awful Sox mound-dwellers of the past decade.

~The Mariners continue to assemble quite the pretty little team...most recently at the expense of those cross-town losers. M's dumped Carlos Silva to the Cubs for Milton Bradley.
Where better for sensitive-skinned Bradley to go, than the city of pussies! Makes perfect sense to me! I bet he didn't even enjoy jaywalking in Chicago!

In case you weren't keeping track, that's Chone Figggguhns + Cliff Lee + Milton Bradley to the M's this offseason. They are quickly emerging as the AL West team to beat. Should be lots of no fun for yours truly, so I'm going to enjoy this now, while I can just make fun of the Cubs for such a crappy trade.

If you're bored and curious, take a peak over at LookoutLanding, where entertainment always abounds.

I wouldn't be surprised if there's something fun happening on BCB too. Feel free to use the comments to link to any memorable posts from either.

~It's the weekend before Christmas and since most of you are god-fearers, you'll probably be hitting the shopping malls with all the other good Christians. Good luck with that! Try to not get trampled to death in the name of Baby Jesus.

So to get and stay in the spirit, here is my favorite Christmas song...I've heard "better" versions, but this one always puts me right in the Christ is born! sort of mood. Enjoy!

One Mistress Is For Rookies

homesickalien — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:18:06 -0000

One Mistress Is For Rookies

Tiger has taken man-whoreyness to a whole new level.

Try to digest his actions. Try. It’s almost impossible.

He’s created a real-life slutty advent-calendar.

Every day, a new Tiger mistress reveals herself. Every day. What? There’s like 16? And it’s December 16.

See a pattern?

On Christmas Day, he’ll reveal that he has banged the entire nation-state of Tuvalu.

It’s entirely possible. It’s entirely possible to think Tiger can bang the entire nation-state of Tuvalu.

I just like saying ‘nation-state’.

And Tuvalu.

Makes me feel smart.

We can’t let the Tiger scandal pass without harvesting some lessons. I’ve learned the following five things.

Want to live longer? Stare at some boobies.

homesickalien — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 22:13:16 -0000

Want to live longer? Stare at some boobies.

Weatherby explained the concept stating, "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthy.

"Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years."

In addition, she also recommended that men over 40 should gaze at larger breasts daily for 10 minutes.

Sox Sign Putz - 1 year / $3million

homesickalien — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 20:19:17 -0000

Sox Sign Putz - 1 year / $3million

One year to the Dec. 11 date of J.J. Putz being part of a three-team deal sending him to the New York Mets, the right-hander agreed to terms with the White Sox on a one-year, $3-million contract. Putz, 32, is 23-19 with a 3.24 ERA, 103 saves and 356 strikeouts covering 337 career relief appearances and 352 1/3 innings pitched over seven Major League seasons.

Putz figures to take over Octavio Dotel's role as part of the late-inning setup crew, but when healthy, he also gives the White Sox another healthy option to close behind Bobby Jenks. From 2006-07, Putz ranked among the Major League relief leaders in strikeouts (2nd, 186), ERA (3rd, 1.86), saves (3rd, 76) and opponents average (4th, .182). His best season came in 2007, when he finished 6-1 with a 1.38 ERA and career-high 40 saves in 42 chances for the Mariners.

Maybe this is an eyesore to some, but I love it. I was going through old boxes and cleaning out...

homesickalien — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:47:52 -0000

Maybe this is an eyesore to some, but I love it.

I was going through old boxes and cleaning out my closet this weekend (no new antique guns were discovered this time) and found some old photos. You know the kind. You can hold them in your hands and put your greasy fingerprints all over 'em.
Anyway, I took this picture in 1999. (Or 2004, say the comments....) :)
I always like to get to the park early enough for batting practice. Obviously, the gates had just been opened when I took this.
Look at all that blue.....

Goodnight, Sweet Prince...Au Revoir, Dewayne

homesickalien — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 00:12:56 -0000

Thank you for supporting Baseball-Reference.com. We are writing to
let you know that your sponsorship of the following page will expire
in 7 days.
Dewayne Wise ($10 to renew for 1 year)

Here lies Larry "Dewayne" Wise.

He came to us with high hopes, a willing attitude, and a grindiness so rarely seen in colored athletes. ;)

Today, I want to take a moment to formally bid him adieu.
In less than a week, my year of proudly sponsoring Dewayne will come to an expiring close. I have the option of renewing my sponsorship for even less than I paid for him last year; but since he'll be donning another team's colors in 2010, I am choosing to part ways with fond memories in my heart and a single tear slowly making its way down my cheek.

Dewayne Wise made Thursdays memorable.

Dewayne Wise made The Catch.

Dewayne Wise hit a PH grand slam off of Farnsworth with 2 outs in the 8th, on September 14th, 2008.
You may recall the night...Zambrano was pitching a no-no or something like that, whatever, who fucking cares :) and stole all the media's attention. Well, I haven't forgotten your September 14th, D-Wheezy. Your slam led us to win that game, therefore keeping us alive in the home stretch and leading us to take the division in 163 a couple weeks later.
Oh, and BA wouldn't have done that!

I raise my glass to Dewayne Wise!

And just for good measure, here's one final "Is this your homework, Larry???" from your loving sponsor of yesteryear: The PS.

Please sign your name or leave your favorite Dewayne moment in the comments.

So...When Omar Vizquel Calls Me, What Should I Ask?

homesickalien — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:33:47 -0000

It appears as though my random neighborly connection to Vizquel's nanny is going to come through; as she has agreed to at least have Omar give me a ring to chat when he is back in town.

You don't want to know what I had to do to arrange this.
Pictures are soon to be leaked.

Naturally, I'd prefer to not "expect' it and prematurely soil my loins, because we all know what happens when an editor hypes an interview with a player...........

But in the chance that he does call, I need to be prepared with some questions. I've brainstormed a couple already - none of them baseball-related (kidding) - and I would like some input from the masses.

What would YOU want to ask Omar Vizquel, baseball legend and Renaissance Man?

I don't mind some general goofiness in the comments, but I'd really appreciate some serious responses too.

Thanks in advance, everyone!

I don't know about you guys, but I look forward to having that ass on our bench and that glove on our field....age be damned.

Pass the Orgullo: A Hirsute Stroll Through the 2009 SSS Archives

homesickalien — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:32:58 -0000

Hawk was reluctant at first...... but unapologetic afterwards. (P-shop of the year, by thecip)

View full size photo »

The season is long gone.

The Twins have won the World Series twice since the last time you saw the Sox take the field.

Jerry Owens is still dead.
God didn't come through, like Josh Fields promised He would.

The cold winds are whipping off the lakefront (or in my case, the Sound), foreshadowing the lonely, gray, baseball-less days ahead. Like any respectable armchair GM, you're on your 4th draft of potential 2010 rosters - 3 of which lead off with a guy you may or may not call "Chode" because you like that word and crave the context to use it. The word; not a chode... you don't have much use for those.

Anyway, the Sox didn't exceed our expectations this year, but for most of the season, they put on a good show.
We've already reflected on the games that made us proud to be Good Guys, but for this particular stroll down memory lane, I'm going no further than the SSS Archives.

We all know that humor and friendships emerge from the pain and adversity of watching your beloved team collectively crap themselves, so here is an unrefined, uncensored, unclothed (you need to take your pants off for this) recap of some of the finer moments for SSS in 2009.

Since I am only one woman and know I've overlooked countless mentionable comments and moments, please add to this with your own favorites (links, please! - ones that open in new windows!) in the comments section.

But This One Goes To 11...
Early in the year - Februrary to be exact - Cheat offered larry editorial keys to the site.
Some SSS readers rejoiced, while others lamented the taming of the brute, as larry was asked to take it down a notch or four.
Despite oft-longing for his jovial old self and the cat-like precision with which he used to pounce on tasty new posters, larry has done us well as an editor. Best known for keeping our fingers on the pulse of the minor-leagues, it is easy to forget some of the other moments in which larry shined as a commenter.
Including - and I know this will embarrass him because he is usually way too cool for gamethreads - one of the best gamethread performances by a single poster. He also undertook the role of undertaker, respectfully laying to rest the fallen members of the Sox and certain sandy members of SSS.

Like Peas in a PicklePods
Nobody - not even Carl - could have predicted the season that Podsednik gave us at the top of the order.
But for every game-winning hit or rally he led, Pods had a baserunning blunder or a defensive DOH! to match it.
He was our hero one minute; our scapegoat the next.
One of Pods' more notable gaffes came in the July 28th game against the Twins - Buehrle's first start after the Perfecto, in which he retired another 17 batters before the devastating meltdown, led by Pods' inability to catch a routine fly ball in left field. Appropriately, vince had just coined the term "Podspalm" the week before when Senor Pods tried to catch one with his face.

And on 7/28 after the blown catch, e-gus and his 1984 TV gave us this:

Buehrle is Perfect and So Is My Birthday
Hard to pay much lingering attention to the May game in which Buehrle went perfect through 6 innings against the Tigers, when you have July 23rd taking every ounce of the Sox spotlight this year - deservingly so, I might add.

As most of you recall, that glorious day happened to be my birthday, and I was initially thrilled just to have my favorite player on the mound. U-god even dedicated the Gamethread to me, obviously prior to knowing that MB was actually going to deliver the gift of a lifetime.
And then, as Hawk would say, "HISTORY!!!!"

I've watched The PerfectGame a few (hundred) times now. And each time I reflect on it or watch it, I get the same giddy feeling. I cry every time that Dewayne makes the catch - the 25th out that made my 25th birthday, the best birthday ever. What a day, Sox fans. What.a.day. It's hard to imagine that any other regular season game could provide such joy in our hearts. The Perfecto is up there in Best Days I've Ever Been Alive - right next to 10/26/05.

And in a way, I shared it with all of you. So thanks SSS, for helping to make my birthday even more magical...because believe it or not, most of these Seattle people didn't give a shit.

The Fateful Night That We Met and Drank Schlitz
The most notable SSS event ever - the First Annual Meet-Up, took place on Friday, the 22nd of May.
Organized by one really awesome long-distance poster, 20 of us gathered and toasted and hugged and hit on Mrs. e-gus and pet colintj's fur and high-fived and made our presence known to all corners of the South Side.

Gavin Floyd came off a shelacking of an outing and pitched a shut-out against the Pirates that night.
This game was significant for the regrowth of Floyd's Big and Hairy, and also because that home stretch in late-May led us into the best month of our season, which included the dawn of the Beckham era.
e-gus's recap here.

Illustrated recap, from Carl Skanberg:

Miscellaneous Awards and Honors
Word of the Year: Orgullo (particularly when spoken by Stone Pony)
Phrase of the Year: Just Fuck It / FNS / "My ____ is white."
Innocent Passerby of the Year: The Prostate Exam Guy
Comeback Poster of the Year: Nordhagen, bhoov, Toonderstrook (who also falls into the "Not Here Nearly Enough" category, the hippie fuck that he is)
SSS Rookies of the Year: billyok, Scotty Ballgame, Carbiner
Heated Dispute of the Year: Tdogg vs. The Actual El Guapo, MarketMaker vs WTGTD, WTGTD vs Science
Most Improved Poster: WhereTriplesGoToDie (aka: SouljaBoy, SoB), The Artist Formerly Known As picktoclick
Lucky Duck of the Year: e-gus, whose alcohol addiction and astute wife earned him a trip to the mound.
Best Attitude and Overall Demeanor: HappyHuman
Not Here Nearly Enough: Catbrains, MarketMaker - Look buddy, just because your waitress girlfriend demands your attention, it doesn't mean SSS has to suffer...post more, dammit. We did get a little gold from him, prior to his balls being snipped.
Confused OPOS of the Year: WU and Chiburb, bestowed with cloaking powers in 2009...if only they knew how to use them .
Fanpost of the Year: TAEG's Guide to Using Words On Your Computer-Based Internet / thecip's South Side Sox: 20 Years Ago / hsa's Mad Men thread (link not available) ;)
Fanshot of the Year: thatshortkid's 2010 Pie
Comments of the Year: thatshortkid's Mystery Boobs / Trooper Would Like To See Pods Jack Off / larry On Sea Creatures / many more that I hope will be added to the comments
Mike Huff Stand-In Moments of the Year: On JD / On White Guys Running
Discovery of the Year: The Hirsute Stone Pony
Most Fun With Hawk: Hawkless Joe Hawkson / Bacon Gets Bucked

Notable Photoshops by e-gus:

C/O thecip:

C/O Jim/SoxMachine/Who?:

C/O explodingwheelsforfunandprofit:

C/O vince_:

Please - Add your favorites to the comments. Pics, quotes, comments, reactions... Don't be shy! Create your own award too, if you've got something in need of awarding. Or suggest a different winner for a category I've already listed. These are just some highlights to get the conversation going....

Yankees' key to financial success

homesickalien — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 02:52:21 -0000

Yankees' key to financial success

Hilarity from the Onion. I'm mobile posting. So I hope this shizz works...

Beckham and Thome Text About Deer Hunting

homesickalien — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:34:06 -0000

Beckham and Thome Text About Deer Hunting

In the short run, and the long run, for that matter, Beckham would like to be in Happ's position on Wednesday, beginning World Series play. For now, the eighth pick overall in the 2008 First-Year Player Draft can look back with pride at his .270 average, with 14 home runs, 63 RBIs and 28 doubles in just 103 games.

He can show satisfaction for the great defensive skill exhibited at third, a position where Beckham had played just seven games at Triple-A Charlotte. And he can feel satisfaction in that his own success will benefit others in this specific instance.

"I'd be lying if I say this is the only award I want to win. Really, I want to win a World Series," Beckham said. "But this is pretty special and real special to my family. I'm very proud to be where I'm at and to start as well as I have."

Tuesday's Players Choice announcement will focus on AL and NL comeback player, with Scott Podsednik joining Aaron Hill and Russell Branyan as the three AL finalists.