SB Nation User Blog: idoltime

6-13 Junk Drawer - Let's fight

idoltime — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 07:23:42 -0000

So I just had a neat conversation with a friend of mind all about how he can't stop getting into fights with people. He says this is because of his upbringing where he had to constantly fight just to survive. He says it's tough not to get into fights.

Now I think this is just crazy, but I am generally a pacifist. So I thought I'd throw it to a wide cross section of america the universe here at Blazer's Edge. How are you now and/or how have you been in your life about getting into fights? Who are/have been the instigators, the victims, and the ones who never really experience fighting? Do you like watching fights? Do you want to take this outside?

And let's not get too crazy talking about our sorrid pasts in here; the mods are among us.

Junk Drawer 5-28 Fear and Loathing in Junk

idoltime — Wed, 27 May 2009 20:21:40 -0000

Transcribed from a garbled mess on a digital recorder delivered by seafowl, here are the last known words of "Idoltime", the self-purported gonzo doctor of blog journalism, on his final assignment documenting the world-record holding phenomenon, the "Blazer's Edge Junk Drawer" from the Blazer's Edge sports blog on SBNation. He is also wanted for questioning by the authorities about the theft of a bush plane, tampering with a Diebold election machine, and impersonating a pilot, a police officer, & a doctor. Authorities are also investigating allegations of stalking behavior brought up by this article. The managing editors of this periodical would also like to discuss collection of $777 in advanced pay with him. If anyone sees idoltime, he has arms and is extremely delusional -- proceed with caution. The magazine takes no responsibility for anything.

Dictating my final story after three sleepless days amidst countless threads of refuse -- given the circumstances, I am lucky to be alive to tell it -- my world-acknowledged indolent pursuit of the truth led me to Blazer's Edge, the site by Blazer fans, for Blazer fans... a cult, really, composed primarily of nogoodniks and foreigners -- rustlers and mutants, I even suspect a few of being zombies. Understanding that I would be in constant peril, I packed all of the essential supplies: my digital voice recorder, thirty-five grapefruit, four rolls of aluminum foil, a machete, seven rolls of duct tape, fifty-seven paper clips, and several cases of stale rice cakes -- somnolence before transcendence when in the line of duty -- the motto of seekers of verisimilitude -- I dare not forget it now on this my most dangerous assignment to date.

My first stop was the main page, the harbor of ataraxia into a pugnacious sea. You could usually count on the cool head of Dave and the wicked kicks of Ben to provide the necessary ballast to keep the ship steady in this tumult. But my journey would not take place on a boat nor could it end at the main page; armed only with my supplies, a forged pilot's license, and a sense of entitlement -- my assignment would only be reached with gallons of gumption and a Piper PA-18-150 Super Cub loaded with my supplies & fuel.

These people came in all flavors and, despite their primitive, cannibalistic ways, managed to derive interesting content much like a 1,000 chimps writing on a 1,000 typewriters would destroy that room and ruin most of the typewriters. But now it was the off-season, and this place had largely devolved into a rancid sump of malformed trade ideas and bloated junk drawers. And I am here to enter the infamous Blazer's Edge Junk Drawer -- the pit of inferno where only the most degenerate reprobates dare tread.

With only my addled wits from the anodyne to comfort me, I dove straight into the belly of the beast. The BE junk drawer causes anguish to boil in the spleens of any hard-working automaton who dared inhale its toxic fumes. Forty-two previous journalists attempting to cover the junk drawer were never heard from again; I suspected many were now moldering -- odds were overwhelming that I would join them in their final resting place.

Landing in the viper's nest -- my head dizzied like a wine-cooler infused prom queen -- a thick fog covered a ground littered with endless threads of junk haphazardly "organized" into threads only somewhat related to one another. But then -- through the haze, a small blue-topped figure shone in the distance, and I swear that a song began playing through a tinny overhead speaker:

"If I could be the sun, I'd radiate like Africa and
Smile upon the world -- Intergalactic love laughter and
If I were the rains, I'd wash away the whole world's pain and
Bring the gift of cool like ice cream trucks on sunny days and
If I was the earth I'd be like mountains bountiful
And if I were the sky so high, I'd be like wind invincible
And if I could be a seed, I would give birth to redwood trees and
If I were the trees, I'd generate the freshest air to breathe in" - (1)

Although I was possibly somewhat smitten with the blue-haired girl -- and there could be no doubt that the romantics had vivid hallucinations foretelling her --

"all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes" - (2)

-- but my true sight was set on the truth, and I intend to deliver it to my faithful readers like a mactruck to where there is no sun. Then again, what better story could there be? Clearly, I had to understand this fascinating being in order to know for certain whether she was my story.

Morality and conscientiousness have no place in journalism; I would have walked on orphaned, midget toddlers using my mother's face to stabilize my gait for the sake of the truth. But my intentions were misjudged -- instantly, the denizens sprung at me from the fog like rabid geese on performance enhancing drugs! The merciless wave of jostling and heckling ensued -- faces, many pale, and bodies writhed about in front of me.
Hopelessly intoxicated from the stale rice cakes -- defending myself was not an option, so I fell. I could not tell whether it was blood or another viscousness covering the ground. A kaleidoscope of wookies and trolls engulfed my perception entirely; prostrated upon the sticky floor amidst a commodious sea of fading honking --

-- I had a dream I was at a garden party with flocks of affluent white folk.. I stepped up to the podium, surprised to find myself as a 10-year old African-American revolutionist:

"Excuse me. Everyone, I have a brief announcement to make. Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is lying about 9/11. Thank you for your time and good night." - (3)

The ensuing riot took the national guard, a seven legions of Canadian Mounties armed with Ahlspiess and Molsons, and Sonny Barger with rusty chainsaw and a head full of five hour energy to bring it to a halt. --

-- A moment of lucidity later, I recognized the sensations of being alive -- stiff lower back pains, sleep crud in my eye, feelings of shame and mistrust from my mother. Feeling lost without a snooze alarm to hit or the fundamentals for a proper bloody mary, I stayed supine - hoping to catch the ruffian hordes incognizant.
But I did not fool anyone -- soon I was being surrounded again. Once the commotion renewed, my head cleared. I came here to report the truth, but what was that story -- why was I here?

Then -- through the crazed mob and the obfuscation -- my eyes met with the girl with blue hair, and I knew what I must do. Reaching deep into my pockets past used Kleenex and Sauron's Ring of Power, I grabbed the keys to the Piper. After unhooking a key to a locker in a train station in ann arbor and my bottle opener, I threw the Piper's keys towards her; she smiled and stood up to retrieve my errant pass. I met her eyes again and nodded -- I had no chance of making it out alive, but she could still escape. I deluded myself into thinking she looked down pleasantly at me one more time as she flew off -- proving once again that pilot licensing is just a capitalist conspiracy by the banking industry and William Hearst -- and a tune played as if in my head:

"Angel came down from heaven yesterday
She stayed with me just long enough to rescue me
And she told me a story yesterday,
About the sweet love between the moon and the deep blue sea
And then she spread her wings high over me
She said she's gonna come back tomorrow
And I said, "Fly on my sweet angel, fly on through the sky" - (4)

Having recorded my tale, I gave a stinking, drunk albatross my bottle opener to ensure safe passage for this tape to reach my editor at the Sports Blog Decennial. I have learned to walk and to talk with these primatives and am taking on their atavistic ways; soon there will be an open scrimmage - hopefully, they do not sacrifice the losing team's players to their barbaric gods. Even if I were to be rescued one day, I fear I would require extensive reinstitutionalization and repeated rounds of shock treatment -- possibly a lobotomy -- if I ever hoped to integrate with the mainstream. (ed note: This was actually noted word-for-word on his employee file when he was hired three years ago.) And of course I'd like to see whatever became of that girl with the blue hair, for she truly represents the American dream of freedom, liberty, and basketball.... plus, I left the grapefruit, machete, and duct tape in the Piper.

Appreciation to Michael Franti & Spearhead (1), Lord Byron (not Scott) (2), the Boondocks comic strip (3), and Jimi Hendrix (4) for providing me with great words to steal to fill in my own words -- channeling the great fodder of cannon himself, Hunter S. Thompson.

And, of course, all of this is dedicated to GalacticLove and her imminent departure for España. Fly on.. be safe.

Poll

Internet Stalking....

Bad

7 votes

Not likely a problem around here

9 votes

Flag as "creepy"

17 votes

?????

14 votes

47 votes | Poll has closed

Trade & FA Drawer - Pass the Turkey-Glue

idoltime — Tue, 26 May 2009 07:36:58 -0000

So how about that Hidayet Turkoglu guy? right? As most of us know, he has an early termination option this coming off-season (or would make 7,354,500), and it feels entirely certain that (unlike most guys with ETO) he could opt out and get a lot more money.

Or can he? Who is going to pay him this money? Can the Magic keep him for less than a max contract after giving the same thing to Rashard?

So what is it worth to do to get this guy? Nothing, everything, a particular minimum amount (i have a hard time wanting to give anyone more than 12mil guaranteed for 3 years)... we are going to be limited by our cap space for outright free agency, but I imagine that the magic would want to get something back even if they know that they cannot keep this guy (or can they? it would seem that howard, lewis, nelson, and turkoglu all demand some dough)

or is Hidayet just too darn ugly for you to want him to be a Blazer? or do you even have some legit basketball reason (slow, lacking defense, we don't need another small forward tweener, etc) other than money as to why you don't want Hedo?

Or would you like to talk about someone else? Lindsay Hunter, Tyronn Lue, and Brevin Knight will all be unrestricted free agents, that's something exciting to talk about.

Poll

Why do people post trade suggestions outside of the Trade drawer?

There wasn't a trade drawer for them to use (thanks, man!)

5 votes

This is a basketball site, the Blazers are in their off season, what else is there to post about?

29 votes

They are inconsiderately wasting valueable fanpost realty space with their half thought out ideas for trades.

19 votes

Something else.. why did you even put a poll on this?

17 votes

70 votes | Poll has closed

Observations from the Staples Center - can the RG learn something? (Slight update: 5-14)

idoltime — Wed, 13 May 2009 07:40:27 -0000

Note: Updated 5-14 at 3pm to add some conclusions and links for Flea's bass rendition of the National Anthem

So tonight I got to attend the game 5 massacre in LA. I sat in the way deep high seats offbaseline. I went with a friend who is L.ker fan as I used to be a long time ago. When he first offered the tickets, it was before we knew the Blazers wouldn't themselves be there. I wore a Spanish Bull shirt -

and was happy rooting against two teams I dislike with a bunch of players I "dislike".

That being said, in addition to wanting to see a good game (didn't really get that) and someone get ejected/flagrant fouled/bloodied (that either), I started really paying attention to the entire experience to compare my experiences at the Rose Garden as a season ticket holder the last three years.

First and very important to Blazer fans - Anyone who wants to broadly dismiss the L.ker/Staples Center fanbase for lacking any fan passion has never sat in the "cheap seats" (80$ a seat?!?!). I thoroughly enjoyed myself up there because they were sooooo rowdy and talked sooo much smack about the Rockets it was just like being in the RG a couple of weeks ago - except enjoyably more ethnically diverse.. But people from up top finally left with around a minute left in the blow out, and they were rowdy the whole way. Mbenga is loved there like a crazy mix of Ruffin/Bayless/Shavlick/Ike/etc.. the intensity for the Mbenga chant was far more than the 'Houston sucks' chant earlier in the game.

Not sure if this was obvious on TV (if anyone kept watching), but they did the wave. It took a few go around for the entire arena to get it at the same time (at one point there was a lower bowl wave going one way and an upper bowl wave going the other), but they got it done.

I'm not going to lie and pretend it was as loud as the RG, but I am also here to say that every seat was basically filled prior to tipoff. There are a lot of things fake down there, but I didn't experience fake fans out there. Maybe playoffs change things but that place was packed for several minutes leading up to the anthem/lineups.

Oh yea.. Flea did the national anthem; almost certainly the best to which I've ever borne witness. Best video link I've found for it yet

Ok.. So.. the bad things about the Staples Center experience...

The only individual stats that are displayed at all times are the points and fouls of the players that are in the game; I kept looking for a board with some more stats like I do at the RG and found myself missing it. They don't display anywhere close to the number of team stats that we do either. I found myself really missing our three independently cool stat boards (nine players with guys playing individual stats, detailed team stats, and the hustle board!) and confirmed my own geekiness for myself.

They play commericals for movies sometimes during timeouts/between quarters. The starting lineup was "sponsored" by the new terminator movie and they kept showing some clips from some other movie that they finally gave one row free tickets. Other than this, a little towel at the door,

and the "Free Taco" coupons - they never gave ANYTHING away.

Beer might even be more expensive: I paid 19$ for two Dos Equis. And the nearby bars were only slightly better.

Now I don't want to incite any fights, but the L.ker dancers reminded me so much of Blazer dancers.. but it was as if the Blazer dancers went bulemic for a week and didn't get even slightly more attractive for it. Oh yea.. and they are also a more ethnically diverse group. But even my rather crude L.ker loving friend felt it was odd that these girls dance stripper moves at a basketball game.

So my mom (a total Blazer fan who attends many games with me) loves Pau Gasol and wanted a shirt. They had nothing - only jerseys. Every shirt that wasn't just the L.kers was basically just K0be. If it wasn't obvious - they are obsessed with him there. They even lightly play music when he is on the foul line to encourage MVP chants. I loudly asked if Lebron was in the building and got ugly looks: did I mention yet that i enjoyed myself despite the L.kers winning like that?

Okay.. so.. despite that.. Staples centers does a few things that were really cool.

Staples throws a drop cloth from on top of the big screen down to the floor and projects their little preannouncements video; it was really a nice effect and one that I would fully endorse.

So they don't give anything away.. but they also don't really do tons of dumb contests and annoying stuff to waste time... except for the stupid movie commericals I already mentioned. They did a round of Kiss Me cam (celebrity edition), a half court shot (that went horribly) contest, some thing having to do with a pretend car race where either red, white, or blue win (white wins.. even in LA), and lots of dancers stuff. No stunt team, shooting shirt, getting fridges, throwing balls at pins, or anything like that. Honestly.. despite not liking the commericals.. i enjoyed not being talked to over the loud speaker about people doing dumb things (OR HAVING TO LOOK AT a STUPID MASCOT!!!).

I got a couple for two free tacos (they actually handed me a pair of them at that!). I exited out of a stairway and walked back to a main doorway, and the door attendings just handed them to me. This surprised me as they are very tight with Chalupa coupons at the RG and have never given them to me from the outside.

Get this - they don't give these free tacos for the L.kers scoring over 100pts but, rather, if they can win the game AND hold their opponents to under 100pts. Another point for Staples - way cooler - even though there is no one point that wins you the free tacos; you could never have a 'taco player of the game'.

So that's that.. except that I really have missed In 'n Out burgers and don't go to Long Beach airport after leaving staples center for a next morning flight.

Final conclusions...

1. Get rid of all stupid “Todd” and Blaze stuff; do not replace it with stupid movie commercials. As much as I had gotten use to ignoring that stuff, one of the best lessons I would love for the RG to take from Staples is getting rid of this stuff. Seriously, it’s like living near a train station or something and then moving away.. i’m sure most of us could acclimate to it but then you only realize how nice quiet is when you are surprised by it.

2. My number one thing to change after the lame gimme gimme yell this and shout this nonsense would be the way we give away chalupas… changing that to something like Staples where it is for holding the opposing team to under 100 is cooler and would make the reward more related to the larger goal of winning.

Rep Blazers to sad Spurs fans

idoltime — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:17:00 -0000

Rep Blazers to sad Spurs fans

"Portland, because Blazers Edge scares me" FTW!!!

Walk for Heart Health - Team Duckworth

idoltime — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:27:22 -0000

Walk for Heart Health - Team Duckworth

Any BEdgers going to do this? We could form a team!

Blazers Behind the Locker Room Door - At Home With Utah

idoltime — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:30:09 -0000

Blazers Behind the Locker Room Door - At Home With Utah

Calling all Blazer fans.. we must get a picture!!

"But for as bad as he looked walking out Rudy seemed to get better when he saw his girlfriend. If you have ever seen her, you understand why. As Frye pointed out before last game while talking about Rudy: The guy is like a rock star."

Rudy discusses last night's play of the game

idoltime — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:38:30 -0000

Rudy discusses last night's play of the game

I love how he discusses potential match-ups..

Nene suspended 2 games

idoltime — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:59:38 -0000

Nene suspended 2 games

I know I wouldn't mind Denver losing a couple games in a row and these are two tough games to take without Nene.

Bosh says O’Neal cheated

idoltime — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 19:38:27 -0000

Bosh says O’Neal cheated

Interesting quotes from Bosh on the lack of use of the 3sec rule and from O'Neal about bbq chicken