First off, I'll start by congratulating jNU for their win today.  You did, in fact, win the game.  Arguably, your defense earned this victory.  But before you go all "We're smarter than you" on me, let's clear up this simple caveat: you held our offense, without its 1st, 2nd, and 3rd string running backs, to 10 points.  You held the offense, who lost it's starting QB in the 2nd quarter, to 10 points.  You held the offense, sure, but as far as offenses went, we were tied.  Only a freak injury, and subsequent fumble, allowed you to walk out of Kinnick with a victory today.

So while you've earned this win, remember that you beat our backups for it.  Nay, you beat our backup's backups.  Fuck even that.  You beat our backup's backup's backups for the victory, and while you earned that, I still say fuck you for only winning by a touchdown against our scrubs team and feeling good about it.  Fuck you, jNU.  FUCK.  YOU.

Now, I'm dealing with my first Christmas without my Dad, and I'm going to bury myself  in a bottle of whiskey.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/football/ncaa/polls/ap/

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/football/ncaa/polls/coaches/

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA jNU, you suck!

Oh.  Right.  75 words.  Hmmmm.  I have a court hearing in 15 minutes.  I should probably head on over to the Courthouse.  Now.  Stat.  Going.  Running.  Quickly.  Poop.  Still need 47 words.  Hard to get there on time when you're busy rambling about nothing.  One would ask why I don't finish later.  Good question.  I'll work on that.

Reasons for Tucker's suspension came out today.  Turns out, kid was hammered out of his mind and passed out behind the Union (wtf is up with the Union?  Aren't all athletes treated like Gods at the Column?  Or has that changed since I graduated in '03?).  When the cops found him, they couldn't wake him, and they rushed him to UIHC, where he had a BAC of .194.  And that, my friends, is fucking sweet.  Here's to hoping he comes back before Iowa State.

http://www.hawkmania.com/articles/2008/12/09/news/doc493e93b85eb16129834144.txt

I know this is WAY to early to start speculating, but it's worth noting:

From Seth Davis on si.com (http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/don_banks/12/02/coaches/index.html)

"Kirk Ferentz -- Here's a scenario I'm hearing from a league source: If Browns general manager Phil Savage manages to keep his job, which is far from a certainty, he'll go hard after Ferentz as Crennel's replacement. After 10 years as Iowa's head coach, Ferentz might finally consider the time is right for a return to the NFL. The Hawkeyes rebounded this year to 8-4 and knocked off undefeated Penn State in November."

Interesting.  That's the first I'd thought of Ferentz leaving after this season.

Iowa fans may have sex in dirty bathrooms, but we also help the police:

http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=D867B857172CDC7A7A0BA74632AEA190?contentId=7935764&version=4&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

MINNEAPOLIS -- An Iowa football fan in town for the Gophers final game at the Metrodome helped Minneapolis police catch a criminal Friday night.

As bars were closing in the Warehouse District early Saturday morning, officers responded to shots fired in a parking lot near 5th Street and Hennepin Avenue.

Video: Man Catches Criminal

At the parking lot they found Christopher Scott Sinclair, 29, of Minnetonka shooting up a car.

“For him to start firing off five shots randomly, we're very lucky he didn't hit somebody,” Sgt. Jesse Garcia said.

Sinclair took off running when he saw police. Police chased Sinclair for about two city blocks, where he ditched his gun in a sewer outside the Hard Rock Café.

Outrunning police, Sinclair was about to be home free, but he didn’t count on Matt Schultz.

“Right as we were walking out of the bar, we saw the guy running and two cops chasing after him and my brother just yells out, ‘Get him!’,” Schultz said.

Schultz, 24, was in town for the Iowa-Minnesota football game. The Iowa native and former high school wide receiver passed the officers in pursuit, and a block later, caught up to Sinclair.

“So then I just ran up behind him and put my arm around his neck and brought him down,” Schultz said. “Then I had him in a sleeper hold until the cops came and they took care of the rest.”

Minneapolis police don’t recommend citizens taking the law into their own hands, but they’re happy to have their suspect, without anyone getting hurt.

“We don't always recommend that someone help out, with someone potentially armed, but in this case it worked out well and the guy went to jail and nobody was hurt,” Sgt. Jesse Garcia said.

Sinclair was booked into jail on suspicion of discharging a weapon, property damage and carrying a weapon without a permit.

Iowa fans are multi-talented.  Atta Go Hawks!

http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=D867B857172CDC7A7A0BA74632AEA190?contentId=7935764&version=4&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

Or, the text is here:

MINNEAPOLIS -- An Iowa football fan in town for the Gophers final game at the Metrodome helped Minneapolis police catch a criminal Friday night.

As bars were closing in the Warehouse District early Saturday morning, officers responded to shots fired in a parking lot near 5th Street and Hennepin Avenue.

Video: Man Catches Criminal

At the parking lot they found Christopher Scott Sinclair, 29, of Minnetonka shooting up a car.

“For him to start firing off five shots randomly, we're very lucky he didn't hit somebody,” Sgt. Jesse Garcia said.

Sinclair took off running when he saw police. Police chased Sinclair for about two city blocks, where he ditched his gun in a sewer outside the Hard Rock Café.

Outrunning police, Sinclair was about to be home free, but he didn’t count on Matt Schultz.

“Right as we were walking out of the bar, we saw the guy running and two cops chasing after him and my brother just yells out, ‘Get him!’,” Schultz said.

Schultz, 24, was in town for the Iowa-Minnesota football game. The Iowa native and former high school wide receiver passed the officers in pursuit, and a block later, caught up to Sinclair.

“So then I just ran up behind him and put my arm around his neck and brought him down,” Schultz said. “Then I had him in a sleeper hold until the cops came and they took care of the rest.”

Minneapolis police don’t recommend citizens taking the law into their own hands, but they’re happy to have their suspect, without anyone getting hurt.

“We don't always recommend that someone help out, with someone potentially armed, but in this case it worked out well and the guy went to jail and nobody was hurt,” Sgt. Jesse Garcia said.

Sinclair was booked into jail on suspicion of discharging a weapon, property damage and carrying a weapon without a permit.

Hittin' it in the bathroom, with time to chase down criminals when we're done.  Go Hawks!