SB Nation User Blog: jebushchrist

BHGP: RELOADED

jebushchrist — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 05:37:14 -0000

Clockwise from lower left: storminspank, OPS, HS, JHC, Bellanca

We have no control over the procedures followed, the actions of the administration, or the athletes at the University of Iowa. As troubled as we may be by the events that transpired in Iowa City over the past year, it's not why any of us are here. We're jesters; jesters who love to talk about football. That's why we started this blog and that's what we're getting back to. Stay tuned for football.

IOWA BOARD OF REGENTS VOWS TO RE-OPEN INVESTIGATION THAT NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED

jebushchrist — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:03:10 -0000

The Iowa state Board of Regents had their emergency meeting today, in Iowa City, with only one issue on the agenda. The issue was an investigation into the alleged sexual assault at the Hillcrest Residence Hall at the university. The Press-Citizen has the details here. I watched the live feed on the internet and I'd like to hit a few points that struck me.

1) The Board was displeased that the letter from the alleged victim's mother was not made available to them when they formed their original investigation. Regents President David Miles called it a "serious breach of trust".

Indeed.

2) Miles then said that the letter should not only have been provided to the regents, it should have formed a "roadmap" for the investigation itself.

Logic rears its head!

3) University of Iowa President, Sally Mason, then read a prepared statement:

"Let me begin by expressing my profound and sincere regret for the failure to notify you of the letters that came to the University of Iowa from the mother of the UI student who reported being sexually assaulted last fall in Hillcrest Residence Hall. I apologize for this error and for not making certain that the board had access to all information relevant to this case."

"The original thinking that federal law known as FERPA, designed to protect student privacy, prevented the letter from being shared with our Board of Regents leadership is just not tenable. There is no excuse for the failure to turn over those letter as part of the investigation that you directed the Board of Regents office to conduct in the wake of the report of the assault.

I'm not a lawyer, but I do have the Internet and serviceable intellect. The FERPA Law was created to protect a college student's right to to keep their grades private. For Mason to cite this as the reason that they withheld the letter from the regents' investigation is specious, at best, and at worst, a deliberate lie. Citing FERPA as grounds to withhold details of a student's sexual assault is remarkably disingenuous.

"I will make it clear to all member of my administration that our obligation to maintain the privacy of student records should never be interpreted as preventing us from sharing information that you request in pursuit of your governance responsibilities.

"To ensure that you are able to pursue those responsibilities in this particular case, I welcome any additional process that you wish to set in motion. You will have the full cooperation of the UI faculty, staff and administrators. I trust that your further review will show that those involved in this case at the UI worked hard to follow the established policies and procedures under very difficult circumstances. I welcome and look forward to insight that will provide opportunities to improve our policies, processes, and the execution of both.

"Once you have completed your work on this case, I intend to engage independent outside expertise to examine our overall handling of all sexual assault cases. The results will be informed by best practices in higher education, and the expert and his or her findings will be shared with the board. We must, and we will, demonstrate that we continue to be an institution with integrity and with an abhorrence to violence. While we can hope that we will never again have to deal with such tragic and horrific cases, hard experience teaches us that we must be prepared.

Moving forward, she intends to cooperate with the investigation and at the conclusion of the investigation, she's going to use this as a learning experience to do better next time. Based on recent experience, I've little doubt there will be a next time.

"Finally, I offer my heartfelt sympathy to the young woman and her family for the stress, the trauma, and the sense of abandonment that they have expressed. From my observations of this situation throughout, I can say, honestly and sincerely, that many people tried very, very hard to help and be helpful. Good intentions, and even good actions, cannot, however, make up for what has happened."

Sally Mason had the microphone and one chance to finally do the right thing and she failed, miserably. I won't claim to be unbiased, but I also won't remain silent on the closing of her statement. When she said the family's "sense of abandonment that they have expressed", she's acting as though their feelings are unwarranted, as though it's a figment of their imagination that they've been brushed off by the university. Further, her claim that "many people tried very, very hard to help and be helpful" was incredibly insensitive, as though the victim's assault turned out to be a lot of work for the university. She put them in a spot of bother! There were many things happening at the university since the incident occurred, but I see none that were initiated to help the victim. I'm not the victim, or her family, and I won't pretend to know how they feel. I do know how Mason's statement made me feel, and that feeling was revulsion. "Good intentions"? Really?

4) The advisory committee slated to perform the investigation will be headed by former Iowa attorney general, Bonnie Campbell. The investigation is to be concluded by September 18th, 2008.

This is my one hope. When it comes to the rights of victims of violent crime, Bonnie Campbell does not play. The regents are sending a message that, moving forward, they're going to do everything they can to get their questions answered.

One final point that bears mentioning: The Board of Regents does not have subpoena power when conducting an investigation. So, as much as I'm heartened by the fact that Bonnie Campbell is heading this investigation, I'm also not convinced she'll be able to get results. Will she be stonewalled with denials and "I can't recalls"? Time will tell.

INTO THE LIGHT

jebushchrist — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:41:02 -0000

If you haven't already heard, the Satterfield/Everson sexual assault case has already become much uglier. The Press-Citizen published a letter from the alleged victim's mother to University of Iowa officials on Saturday. Her letter was dated November 19, 2007, five weeks after the incident occurred, and five days after the University of Iowa publicly acknowledged an investigation. If even half the letter's claims are true, the University of Iowa's reputation and integrity must be called into question. We won't force the minutiae and details on our readers here. If you want that, you can read the P-C article here, and OPS covered the serious questions raised here.

With that, please, an aside. When we started this enterprise a year ago, we never envisioned a day when we'd have to write about something nearly as serious as this. And though it makes us sick to talk about it, it's not something we, as a community, can continue to ignore. A young woman was damaged in a way that no one can repair, and as if the incident itself wasn't bad enough, she was damaged again and again by the people at the university who were supposed to protect her.

The following is an open letter to them. Within this letter, we're providing them their only possible response. It's no solution. There's no redemption here. Things at the University of Iowa are bad, tragically so, but it's time to drag our ugliness into the light.

To: Sally Mason, UI President, Gary Barta, UI AD, Fred Mims, UI Associate AD, Betsy Altmaier, representative on the Presidential Committee of Athletics, and Kirk Ferentz, UI Head Football Coach.

This must have been a long nightmare for all of you. We don't envy any of you, nor do we know what it's like to be in your position. Further, we do not hold you responsible for what happened to that young woman. This isn't about that. This is about everything after. From the moment the victim personally relayed the incident to you, until now, you've done the wrong thing, every step of the way.

How any of you can look yourself in the mirror is unfathomable. You're supposed to be leaders. You're supposed to be educators. You're supposed to be a family. Yet when you had an opportunity to do the right thing, you did the wrong thing. You didn't look out for the victim. You didn't look out for her family. You didn't even look out for the players involved. You just tried to cover it up and make it all go away. You thought suspensions and transfers would suffice in lieu of actual punishment. But that's over now. No more cover up. No more denials. No more "no comments". No more disingenuous prepared statements. It's time to do the right thing.

Here's the new plan: Resign, all of you. That's non-negotiable. We trusted you with our children and you betrayed us. You've shamed the state of Iowa, the university, the athletic department, the fans, and yourselves. Every day you continue to be employed at the University of Iowa is a day that the UI tells the world that at this school, integrity takes a back seat to PR at all costs. This isn't a football issue, this is a human issue. All of you need to start over, elsewhere, and preferably not in a profession that leaves the well-being of young adults as part of your responsibilities. You don't have to admit that you did anything wrong, just that you're ready to do something right.

Next, you need to cooperate with the investigation and do everything in your power to see that justice is properly served. The truth works best in situations like this - try it. If given the opportunity to go back to that October day when you first heard of the assault, I'm sure all of you would do things differently, but you can't do that. No one associated with this incident is ever going to feel good about it, but the first step to making things better is in your hands, so let's all move forward and start by putting the best interests of that young woman first. Nothing else matters.

The Staff of BHGP

THE SPRING GAME: REVISITED

jebushchrist — Sun, 11 May 2008 22:32:10 -0000

Let's pretend the Spring Game just happened. Also, instead of writing a post, I filed this one using Microsoft's Windows Mobile Post. If you listen to it, you'll be able to hear the dulcet tones of one JHC. As an added bonus, you'll get to hear my lisp, which I didn't know I had until I listened to this post.
Enjoy!

BHGP BRACKET MADNESS: THE FINALS

jebushchrist — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:23:10 -0000

The fat has been trimmed from the steak, we're finally here - It's the finals! This is what we're voting on.

Today: Lady vs. Scamp!

DMBMEG

PROS: Exterminator. Impersonator. Coffee lover. Laborer.

CONS: Not even an Iowan, she's from Minnesota. Frequently rolls around on floor.

JEBUS H. CHRIST

PROS: Inventor. Educator. Historian. Mother Fucker.

CONS: Too passionate. Too handsome [see: above].

FINAL UPDATE:

BHGP rides again!

SUNDAY OPEN THREAD: FANHOOD EDITION

jebushchrist — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 17:36:07 -0000

I aint got time to bleed!

I'm back at BHGP HQ after a few days on the road. It's been a difficult and amazing weekend - but it's not over. The games continue and if you're a real fan, so does your intensity. So your bracket's busted. So the Bulldogs blew it. So your liver's bleeding. Cry me a river. You can bleed all you want from April to August. Real fans watch games on Sunday too. Oh, and Easter? You lose. Hell, have a beer if you want. You won't be judged here. It's Marchifornication and this train doesn't stop.
Thread is open.

BHGP BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 2: RON ZOOK VS. JEBUS H CHRIST

jebushchrist — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 15:40:21 -0000

This is what we're voting on. Today: The Man vs. The Media!

RON ZOOK

PROS: Our very first fake interview. Brought out the Zook Hook. Wants you to get Better and Better. Ruined College Football Insider. Is rollin.

CONS: He probably violated Jebus.

JEBUS H. CHRIST

PROS: Founder of BHGP. Undisputed king of liveblogs. Doesn't wear pants. Drinks. May be carrying the Zooker's dumpling love child.

CONS: Eliminated his son in 1st round without remorse. Has inappropriate and disturbing obsession with mascots. Doesn't wear pants.

Poll

Who wins?

EAST REGION PREVIEW

jebushchrist — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 07:30:22 -0000

Marchifornication continues with your East Regional preview. Warning: this is your last chance to join the BHGP Super Terrific Happy Fun Marchifornication Bracket Challenge (Group #5862, password is gornstar) - do it now. And if you joined and didn't fill our your bracket (you know who you are), do so now. Cool?
To the preview!

[regional seeds in bold.--ed.]

Big head; little arms.

#16 Mount St. Mary's - The Mountaineers are on a hot streak, winning their conference tournament and the play-in game. I hope they're feeling good now, because they're about to feel bad. How bad? Like using a needle from a hospital dumpster to shoot up bad. 100% of Yahoo users picked against them. Think about that. You couldn't get 100% of a group to agree that boobs are awesome, yet there isn't 1 person with any doubt that North Carolina is going to win. Mount St. Mary's: The Great Uniter!

#1 North Carolina - Simply the best. They're top ranked in the polls. #1 in the country in offensive efficiency. They have the best player in Tyler Hansbrough. They don't cheat. They don't even shit. It's true: North Carolina players don't poo. They're as close to perfect as you get in this tournament. I can't make an argument for another team in this region representing the East in the Final Four so stick with the Tar Heels.
I'll continue with the preview anyway.

You wearing the Nikes daddy sent you? puurrrrrrrr...

#8 Indiana - The Hoosiers are a hot mess. A brief history in time:

They fire Bob Knight, the greatest coach in college sports history.
Then, they fire his replacement, Mike Davis, just a couple years removed from the Final Four.
They replace Davis with Kelvin Sampson, cheater.
They quickly fire Sampson for, you guessed it, more spirited cheating.

I don't get this. It's like dating a stripper and breaking up with her for having too many ones in her snatch at the end of the night. The guy has a crippling addiction to his phone. I know people like this. It's a silent killer. He needs help. And now, so does, Dan Dakich, who's about to be fired. It's not because of a lack of talent - Eric Gordon and Big Ten POY DJ White are one of the most talented one-two punches in the country. The problem is their consistency, in so much as they consistently play down to the level of their opponent. They can't beat Carolina, so let's move on.

#9 Arkansas - I watched 11 seconds of Arkansas this year, which coincidentally, was the exact length of Dana Altman's tenure with the Hogs.

He looked as comfortable as a cat in a room full of rockin' chairs. Not gonna lie, I don't know who their coach is. Whatever, the Hogs can't beat Carolina, so let's move on.

(deeper into the mascot's hole...)

Gunston and his former sponsor, Whitey.

#12 George Mason - Their mascot is a problem drinker with a taste for hard liquor and uncut plushie porn. You hear about George Mason's run to the Final Four, but no one wants to talk about the underbelly of that success. That underbelly is shaggy, green, and thy name is Gunston. He's destroyed countless dressing rooms throughout the Colonial Athletic Conference. He's been in and out of rehab more times than the entire Baldwin family. He's currently homeless and rumor has it that he's been sleeping at the dry cleaners where he's laundered. For those of us in the media, the biggest question isn't about the team, it's about Gunston - will he even show up? Keep an eye out for the mangy green freak. We'll be tracking him all week here at BHGP [a mascot watch teaser? wow.--ed.].

#5 Notre Dame - Guess who's a basketball school now? Picked to finish 9th in the Big East they messed around and nearly won the conference. Super Sophomore and Big East POY Luke Harangody is one of the most improved players in the country. When paired with Kyle McAlarney they might just be the best combo you've never heard of. Unlike the football team, the hoops squad can score, averaging 80 a game. The Big East is the best conference in the country and Notre Dame is for real. Write them into the Sweet 16, with pen.

For Sale: Lightly used bedroom set - never been fucked on, at all.

#4 Washington State - They started the season with 14 straight wins, which was good. They finished losing 8 of their next 18, which was bad. They're well balanced, finishing in the top 20 both offensively and defensively. But they also ended up 11-7 in the Pac-10 with 3 losses to Stanford. They're almost there, but not quite. It looks like another second round exit for Wazzu.

#13 Winthrop - What a stupid name. They beat a team named Presbyterian. The Carltons are in the dance for the 8th time in 10 years but no one cares.
Boring.

Laugh it up! You haven't seen St Joe's draw. Nothing cute about blind ignorance.

#11 St. Joseph's - They finished 9-7 in the A-10 and had non-conference losses to stalwarts like Duquesne and Holy Cross. I guess that big win over Fairfield got them the at-large bid. They're one of the weakest teams in a severely malnourished region. Don't pick them, no matter how much you dislike Oklahoma.

#6 Oklahoma - At least they (probably) don't cheat anymore! The Sooners started out with promise, but after injuries to Blake Griffin and Longar Longar (seriously) they staggered to the finish. I hear the Big 12 is the second best conference in the country. After watching 4th place finisher Oklahoma, I'm not convinced. They have enough in the tank to win one but it's just not gonna happen for them this year. Don't cry, Sooners, you've still got a state filled with dry counties and colorful dust!

Should have gone with the mediums.

#3 Louisville - This team will kill you. You pick them to win it all, and they'll lose in the first round (like they've done every year under Rick Pitino in their conference tournament). You pick them to lose in the first round, and they'll go to the Final Four (like they did 3 years ago). They've got great talent. They battle on D. They can score. 5 of their 8 losses were to teams in the field of 64. They don't lose for lack of effort. As much as I dislike the weasely (no, not them) mother fucker - Rick Pitino can coach. I can't explain it, but there's just something wrong with the Cardinals. This team will kill you.

#14 Boise State - Every team they lost to ends in "State". I'm guessing their home court is blue. They will either win, or lose, against Louisville (pronounced lew-vill).

PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE!!!

#7 Butler - The Bulldogs got screwed by the selection committee. They're a top 10 team, they won 29 games, and got hosed with a 7 seed. They deserved better, much better, than a first round matchup with South Alabama. The Butler backcourt will go ahead and take care of business anyway. A.J. Graves and Mike Green may not be the best backcourt in the country, but they're the most fun to watch. I call them PB&J [wow.--ed.] [I'm kidding, dick.--JHC.] [not funny either way, it doesn't even make sense.--ed.] [can I finish this now?--JHC.] [god I hope so.--ed.]. They'll get to the weekend matchup with Tennessee, which could be one of the best games of the entire tournament. Good team; bad draw.

#10 South Alabama - The Jaguars... I like that. It's fun to say... Jaguars... Jaguars...
Jaguars...

Jaguars.

Mr. Smith

#2 Tennessee - Speaking of teams that got screwed, HOLY SHIT THEY GOT SCREWED! For starters, I think they earned a #1 seed. So, they didn't get it. Fine. But how are you gonna tell a brother that they're the 4th best 2 seed? They're not as good as Georgetown? Duke (who lost 4 of their last 9)? Really? The Vols won 29 games and all 4 of their losses were away from home to tournament teams. They have my favorite coach (Captain Carotene), my favorite player (Tyler Smith), and my favorite style of play (they run around, a lot). All of that being said, they're not perfect. Astute observers would point out that they tend to play their opponent's style at times, and they have problems when playing man-to-man. I would point out that 29 wins with their schedule makes them a favorite for the Final Four. Sadly, they got stuck in North Carolina's bracket. They're the only team in the East that can beat Carolina. I cannot wait to see that one.

#15 American - This is the Eagles' first time in the tournament. What do we know?

They won the Patriot League.
They shoot the 3 really well (3rd in 3pt FG% in the country).
They lost to Morgan St, Fairfield, UMBC (me neither), Brown, Holy Cross, and Navy (twice).
They're unquestionably patriotic.

What's more American than a good old fashioned ass kickin'?
Nothing.

Done.
Peace.

WEST REGION PREVIEW

jebushchrist — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 01:11:39 -0000

Marchifornication would not be complete without a preview of every team in the field from the expert staff here at BHGP. I'm kicking it off with a hard-boiled look at the West Region. You're welcome!

[regional seeds in bold.--ed.]

Thems mah bitches.

#16 Mississippi Valley State - Probably shouldn't be in the field, but as long as they hand out tickets to conference tournament champs, teams that suck will be at the dance. Their mascot was the final cut from the touring production of Ladybugs on Ice. Also, they played the improbably named Bellhaven College this year.

#1 UCLA Bruins - They won 31 games on their way to their 3rd straight Pac 10 title. Their average margin of victory was 15 points. They won every title between 1950 and 1970. Kevin Love's uncle was in the Beach Boys. Those are all common known facts about UCLA. Here's what you need to know:

The Bruins were in the top 5 in both offensive and defensive efficiency
John Stamos was not an original member of the Beach Boys
Mississippi Valley State sucks
Ben Howland is 9-2 at UCLA in the NCAA Tournament

UCLA looks like a Final Four team to me.

Diversity University.

#8 BYU - Not just an overrated football school anymore. The Cougars won 15 of 17 down the stretch. For the first time in school history there's no one named Young on the team. Really, really, white; but still good enough to win a game.

#9 Texas A&M - This is a wildly talented and ridiculously undisciplined team. They're like a box of chocolates, they look delicious but once you dig in they're horrible (fuck off, Gump). No shot at beating UCLA.

Big Red, in happier times.

#12 Western Kentucky - Their mascot is a sex addict.

#5 Drake - The most unselfish team I've ever seen and a lot more talented than they're given credit for. If you play a zone, they'll bomb you to death. If you man up, they spread the floor and drive to the hole at will. No bigs but they rebound through hustle and positioning. The Bulldogs will make themselves known in this tournament, and it starts with Western Kentucky and their sexually prolific mascot, Big Red.

(read more...)

Pine Marten: Better than a Torero!

#13 San Diego - They scored 65.65 pts a game and gave up 63.38 pts a game. This isn't good. They defeated conference regular season champ Gonzaga (for the first time in 6 years) in the tournament final to earn their way into the field. Congratulations, Toreros!
Now we'll feed you to the Huskies.

#4 Connecticut - This is a talented but inconsistent squad. They play some serious defense, finishing 1st in blocks and 2nd in 2-pt FG D. Will coast in 1st round but do not have the game to beat Drake [you high?--ed.] [nope.--JHC.].

Keady wants your soul.

#6 Purdue - The Big Ten is down but not out. The Boilermakers went 15-3 in conference play and their vicious man-to-man defense will pose a real threat to anyone who opposes them. The officials will have a say in how far Purdue goes in this tournament - if they let 'em play Big Ten Tournament style, they could find themselves in the Final Four, if they call it tight, they could be home for Easter.
Side Note: My friend Mike wakes up in a cold sweat with night terrors because he's still afraid of Gene Keady.

#11 Baylor - Five years ago, they had a player murder a teammate. Their coach at the time, Dave Bliss, made the unthinkable... more unthinkable by trying to paint the murdered kid as a drug dealer, in an attempt to cover up the program's rampant cheating. It's impossible for me to not think about all of that when I see the Bears. So, congrats for not murdering each other and cheating, Baylor; I guess. The revival of a program is a nice story, but their tournament ends in the opening round.

RAWRRRRR!

#3 Xavier - This is a good program. I look at them year after year and wonder why Iowa can't do what they do? Why can't we have what they have? No superstars here, but rather 6 guys that score in double figures. And their mascot is a fucking Musketeer! I like how they move around the floor, with equal parts grace and athleticism. They just have a swagger you don't see often. Even their colors are cool! I have no problem admitting that I have a crush on Xavier. I mean, I don't want to fuck them, but I wouldn't mind spending some alone time with them. We could go to the movies, I'd make them sandwiches, I really think we'd be good together. So, if I did want to fuck a team, it would be Xavier. Totally. Yes. I'd fuck Xavier. Big time. Hmmm. OK.

#14 Georgia - Storms, wrath of Mother Nature, blah blah blah - you know the story. They can't beat my Musketeers.

Win or lose, divans will burn.

#7 West Virginia - Bob Huggins: Medical Miracle. He's a fat, drunk, greasy, rageaholic, with a penchant for violence and a bad ticker - yet he lives! No matter where he coaches, the team takes on his qualities. You don't necessarily know what's going to happen, but it'll be explosive and erratic, kinda like Huggy's EKG. No one is happier to have Huggy in town than Forward Joe Alexander. He made minimal contributions last year under John Beilein, but this year, he's blossomed into a stud. He's averaged 30 a game in March and nothing about Arizona tells me it's going to stop. West Virginia is good and getting better. Watch for them to win easily in the first round and for god's sake, do not accept a ride home from Coach Huggins if they don't.

#10 Arizona - They lost 8 of their last 12. They finished with a 19-14 record overall, going 8-10 (to finish 7th) in the Pac 10. They were 49th nationally in defensive efficiency. What I'm saying is, they're not a good team - and they don't even have Lute. Anyone who says the field needs to be expanded, needs to take a long look at Arizona. Look fast, because they're out in the 1st round.

Duke Athletics: Not rapey, at all.

#2 Duke - THEY'RE THE BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD! THEY'RE UNBELIEVABLE! I'M A BIG DUMMY! I GOT ONE EYE!!! IT'S DIGIORNO!
This is not your Daddy's Duke. The D is not there and no one scares me in the paint. They're well coached, talented, and might just be one and done again this year.
IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME, BAYBEE!!!

#15 Belmont - The Bruins are no joke. They won the spirited Atlantic Sun for the third straight season and they shoot the 3 like a mother. Duke had better step up or they're going to get knocked the fuck out. Either way, the winner of this game is home for Easter because West Virginia's just too good.

That's all for the West. We'll be posting the other 3 regions over the next 24 hours.

HAIL NO! (SORRY)

jebushchrist — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 17:46:00 -0000

Friend of the site and man about town, Orson Swindle, is a real journalist now. He's done the unthinkable and left the basement to cover actual sporting events. While it's great for fans to hear a brilliant writer offer a fresh perspective on games - Mother Nature is not amused. He's covering the SEC Tournament this weekend for The Sporting Blog (if you haven't read it, check it out - Chris Mottram is there as well) and while he was enjoying rubbing elbows with Uncle Verne and The Raf, Mother Nature came along and tore things to shreds. Check out his report of the events here. Thankfully, Herr Swindle is OK, but let's have a good thought for the families and friends of those who are not.

Also, be sure to stop by tomorrow for a liveblog during the NCAA Tournament selection show where we'll have biting commentary about the brackets, tomfoolery, and Funyuns.