SB Nation User Blog: jrwendelman

26% ?? Really?? BZZZT!!!

jrwendelman — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:14:10 -0000

James Mirtle has a poll up on his site today. The question is, "When Will Burke Have the Leafs in the Playoffs?"

Here's a screencap from the site, taken just before 2 p.m. today:

What the hell? If you look down at the bottom, twenty-six percent - a little more than one in four, for you math scholars out there - of the respondents have voted "Never."

I can only hope that James has set this poll up in such a way that those who click on the "never" button are, in effect, just self-identifying as "clueless asshats who deserve an electric shock to the testicles", and that the appropriate hardware and software has been put in place to achieve that very result using the power of teh Intarwebs and today's modern technology*.

Seriously, is it even possible that more than one in four people actually believes that the Leafs won't even make the playoffs for another six consecutive years? Isn't it a bit more likely that, somewhere out there, there are 19 numbskull Habs/Sens fans laughing to themselves about what an excellent wit they have proven themselves to be, chortling over the grand success of their web-enabled riposte?

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*note that today's modern technology is far superior to yesterday's modern technology, which was very outdated - we just didn't know it at the time.

Poll

Do you think that participation in Internet polls ought to expose you to the risk of an electric shock to the testicles?

The Cat in the Tats

jrwendelman — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 00:09:48 -0000

The Cat in the Tats

Pierre Lebrun has an article about what Felix Potvin is doing these days. Notable: he's got a son named Xavier, 11, who's a netminder. Watch out, Justin Pogge....?

h/t to Dominik at Lighthouse Hockey.

Will The Real Brian Burke Please Stand Up?

jrwendelman — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 04:01:26 -0000

Has anyone given any thought to the question of whether we've seen the true Brian Burke hockey philosophy in any of his previous GM stops?

Hear me out on this one: I have read with interest both the pro- and anti-Burke arguments capably advanced on this site. Two things in particular worry me about Burke; his apparent predilection for plodding behemoth North American players, and his questionable draft record. As the parade slowly winds down to 40 Bay to anoint Mr. Burke as the new GM, I keep telling myself that any draft-related weaknesses need not necessarily continue in a new organization. After all, no one man could be responsible for all the scouting and talent evaluation that is necessary to permit an organization to make a draft selection - so maybe Burke has been hamstrung by subpar scouting systems in Anaheim and GM.

But he was the GM in those places, right? And the GM ultimately is responsible for the proper and efficient management of the whole organization, right? Which would mean he's responsible for making sure the scouting organization was staffed and funded sufficiently to permit that section of the organization to accomplish its goals, right? So any failure in scouting would have to reflect poorly on Burke's managerial abilities, wouldn't that be fair to say?

Except that it might not. Seems to me that as GM of both Vancouver and Anaheim, Burke's role as the GM was substantially different than it would be in Toronto: in each of those places, he had to worry about business concerns - building a market for the product and revenues and expenditures - in a way that would probably never arise with the Leafs. If I recall correctly, Burke took over the Canucks at a time that the franchise was in deep trouble, not only on the ice but also at the box office. In that environment, it would be difficult to devote a lot of resources to a long-term uprgrade of the team's scouting infrastructure; other priorities would be demanding attention (and cash) more urgently. Similarly, when Burke took over the Ducks, he was assuming control of an underachieving team in a non-hockey market at the worst possible time: just after the lockout, when NHL hockey hit the U.S. sports fans radar somewhere well below bass fishing tournaments and drag racing.

Those considerations might - I'm not saying would - but might also tempt one to stock one's team with bruisers who are ready to drop the gloves and mix it up, with a view to entertaining the fans rather than racking up W's.

If Burkie were to arrive at the foot of Bay St., accept his Crown, sceptre and relatively unlimited budget in a hockey-mad market, what are the chances that he'd necessarily build the same kind of team as those he did before?

Thoughts? Anyone? Bueller?

Update: I've finally puzzled my way through the question of Burke: Teh Good or EVIL, and posted my thoughts at Heroes in Rehab: the blog.

Rosie DiManno is Barking Mad

jrwendelman — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 14:52:17 -0000

Editor's Note: jrwendelman reacts to another stupid Rosie DiManno article. If she isn't offending over a billion people in China she's driving almost that many Leafs fans batty with her ignorance. We'll have game recaps and FTBs up later but all of the cheering at last night's regrettable ceremony worsened my cold.

Rosie is standing out front of Torstar waving her arms and demanding, "Look at me! Look at me! I'm a dumbass too!"

In an article published in today's Toronto Star, she has opined that last night's Wendel Clark ceremonies are regrettable because they are symptomatic of a franchise that - you guessed it - hasn't "won anything substantial in 41 years." She suggests that the Leafs are so bereft of on-ice success that they have stooped to "fetishizing" former players in order to satisfy the overwhelming desire to hang banners - any banners - in the rafters of the Air Canada Centre.

Is it too much to ask that someone who is accorded the privilege of writing about hockey in a major metropolitan newspaper occasionally switch on the tube and watch a game? Obviously, Rosie didn't do that last night - or surf the web or read a newspaper, for that matter - or she would know that there was this fellow named Patrick Roy who was also honoured in a little place called Montreal last night. As much as it pains me to mention it, there have been a few Stanley Cups collected in that city since 1967 - those would qualify as winning something "substantial", wouldn't they - and somehow, the Habs still felt the need to drape a banner in the rafters of their barn to celebrate the career of their old 'tender.

It is idiotic to suggest that the impulse to honour individual players derives from a dearth of team success. The Yankees have retired player numbers. The Celtics. The Cowboys, Redskins, Steelers and Packers too. These franchises have racked up a few championships among them.

Apparently, Rosie didn't even read her own article, actually. She goes on to point out that the Leafs have honoured 11 pre-expansion players, and that 4 have been so honoured since 1967. By my math, that's 11 players honoured between 1926 (I'll forget about the St. Pats and Arenas) and '67 - about 1 every four years before expansion, and a little less than one every ten years since then. In case Ms. DiManno hasn't picked up a Leaf media guide recently, the club did win a dozen Cups in the pre-expansion years; it would seem, therefore, that the team has (if anything) restrained itself from honouring more modern players, rather than firing a painted sheet into the rafters for every twenty-goal single season phenom that happened to stop by for a cup of coffee, which is the impression Ms. DiManno means to convey in her poorly thought out article.

What a piece of crap, and what an insult to Wendel Clark to throw that piece of shite article into the paper in the wake of a ceremony that Clark richly deserved. It's obvious that Rosie just doesn't get it - the bond that sometimes develops between the fans and an athlete they love to watch play the game. Clark had the misfortune to come to town in an era when he had no chance to win the Cup. In the prime of his career, when the team did improve and take its shot, Kerry F&$%ing Fraser pulled the rug out from under its feet. Big deal. Win or lose, the fans loved watching Wendel play the way he did. Lots of folks, myself included, came to view Wendel as having paid the ultimate price for Leaf success - not only did he sacrifice his body with his style of play, but he got traded away for Sundin before the '95 season in a deal that would pave the way towards the club's successes (and yes, there was some) in the years just prior to the lockout. Everybody knew that Wendel had been sent away for a while to try to help the team, but we all hoped he would come home one day.

It's a shame that some talentless hack needs, for some inexplicable reason, to characterize everything that is good about ceremonies like this - the passion and dedication of the player, the honest affection between today's jaded sports fan and the much maligned modern professional athlete - and twist it into something wrong or embarrassing. Shame on you, Rosie, and shame on your editor for letting that chocolate mess slip by and into print.

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I posted my own little tribute to Wendel Clark at Heroes in Rehab: the blog.

Has it really come to this?

jrwendelman — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:31:34 -0000

Has it really come to this?

I thought this was very funny - a comment left on my site by Mike, who is a Red Wings fan but I like him anyway.

Gord Kirke is a Busy, Busy Man.

jrwendelman — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:47:27 -0000

Gord Kirke is a Busy, Busy Man.

Gord Kirke is a busy, busy man trying to find the next G.M. of your Toronto Maple Leafs. Honest. Okay, so he's not actually conducting any interviews of any candidates, there isn't really any research to do in terms of identifying possibilities (aside from compiling a list of names of people who do NOT have the same credentials as JFJ) and posting the "anonymous" daily comments on Brian Burke's website about how cool he is, and how way totally rad it would be if Brian came to Toronto. Oh, and the CBC WANTS TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER JOB!!!

Ode to Another Lost Season

jrwendelman — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 21:14:12 -0000

[Ed.'s Note:] I couldn't let this diary by Junior slide by without promoting it to the front page. It's a tour de force of parody and good luck not singing it out loud.

With apologies to Don McLean - that's DON, not RON - I give you Bye Bye Mr. Peddie Bye Bye. Just do me a favour, and as you're reading, hum the original in your mind - most certainly NOT the Madonna version.

With apologies to Don - not Ron, but Don McLean - I give you:

Bye Bye Mr. Peddie Bye Bye
---------------------------------
Not a long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that jersey used to make me smile.
And I knew if they had their chance
The Leafs could make the damn puck dance
And maybe hold a lead for a while.

But February made me shiver
As crucial points were not delivered.
Bad news on the scoresheet;
I couldn't take one more defeat.

Well, I can't remember if I cried
When we lost eight zip to a Panthers side
Whose hockey skills I must deride.
The day the season died.

So bye-bye, Mr. Peddie bye-bye
Drove my patience to the limit
And the limit was high
When will our boys be drinkin' whiskey and rye
From the Cup before the day that I die?
One Cup before the day that I die?

Did you read the book of rules
And do you have faith that Gary Bettman drools
If Don Cherry tells you so?
Do you believe in Johnny Pohl
Can Raycroft stop one single goal,
And can you teach me how to start real slow?

Well, I know that you're in love with them
'Cause I saw them trying to defend
As if they'd been drinking booze
Man, I hate it when we lose.

We were an awful power play scorin' group
And Jason Blake stunk worse than monkey poop
But I knew I was done with this troop
The day the season died.

I started singin'
"Bye-bye Mr. Peddie bye bye
By sweaty Franceschetti
and Tim Horton on high
When will our boys be drinkin' whiskey and rye
From the Cup before the day that I die?
One Cup before the day that I die?

Now for three years, we've been on our own
While other teams played in the playoff zone
But that's not how it used to be.
When Pat Quinn coached and worked as our G.M.
In a style the press was too quick to condemn
And the playoffs were almost guaranteed.

Oh and while Pat Quinn was looking 'round
Some arsehole hired this JFJ clown
Leaf Nation was concerned
No glory was returned.
And while Fergie tried to make his mark
Signing Jason Allison on a f@#*ing lark
Our D showed holes big as Yellowstone Park
You and Fergie laboured on in the dark
'Til the day the season died.

We were singin'
Bye, bye Mr. Peddie bye-bye
By Sittler, Salming, Ellis
Kennedy and Vaive
When will our boys be drinkin' whiskey and rye
From the Cup before the day that I die?
From the Cup before the day that I die?

Helter skelter in a summer swelter
Is not a plan to make your GAA grow svelter
(3rd worst in the league and growing fast)
This team smells foul like intestinal gas
It can't complete a simple breakout pass
And the Captain has a weak supporting cast.

Now the pre-season air was sweet perfume
Coach Maurice guaranteed that soon
"We will get to the dance"
Oh, but we never got the chance!
'cause the players wandered far afield
With Woz on ice the goals they'd yield
Their lack of talent was revealed
The day the season died.

We started singin'
Bye, bye Mr. Peddie bye-bye,
Drove my patience to the limit
And the limit was high
When will our boys be drinkin' whiskey and rye
From the Cup before the day that I die?
One Cup before the day that I die?

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A hopeful Nation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on, Fletch be nimble, Fletch be quick
Fletch get someone with a hockey stick
Who knows his way 'round both rink ends.

Oh and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
As Sundin was dissed because
He wouldn't waive that No-Trade-Clause!
And as the Bruins scored six that night
To light the tired Leaf goal light
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the season died.

He was singin'
Bye, bye Mr. Peddie bye-bye
By sweaty Franceschetti
and Tim Horton on high
When will our boys be drinkin' whiskey and rye
From the Cup before the day that I die?
One Cup before the day that I die?

I met a fan with a pair of blues
And I asked him for some happy news
But he just smiled and turned away.
I went down to that sacred spot,
Where Keon scored, and Clarkie fought
But the man there said the team wouldn't play.

And in the streets the Leaf fans screamed
Broadcasters cried, and Sens fans dreamed*
But not a word was spoken
The franchise was just broken.
And the three men I admire most
John Bower, Punch, and Jacques Plante's ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the season died.

And they were singin'
Bye, bye Mr. Peddie bye-bye
By Sittler, Salming, Ellis
Kennedy and Vaive
When will our boys be drinkin' whiskey and rye
From the Cup before the day that I die?
One Cup before the day that I die?

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*of another year in which it will be possible for the Sens to win a playoff round. Hey, I'm depressed, but at least I'm not in Ottawa.

Brother, can you spare a dime?

jrwendelman — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:48:45 -0000

CBC execs are evidently crying poor because Andrew Raycroft can't stop a beach ball and Woz - well, because of Woz.

I was tipped off by Bitter Leaf Fan that the Leafs' poor on-ice play in recent seasons has been cited as a reason that certain CBC programming is being cancelled. Apparently, the argument goes something like this: no Leaf playoff appearances = less advertising revenue = less money to pay for programming.

Now, I've been there, brother. Who among us hasn't found ourselves the unfortunate victim of unforeseen circumstances well beyond our control, from time to time? Such as, for example, with a belly full of beer at 2:45 a.m. but not so much as a plugged nickel to put down towards a pepperoni slice or a trip home on the TTC?

In the spirit of public service, therefore, I've put together some financing suggestions for the tall foreheads at the CBC who got the network into this mess and I've published them here.

What say we compile a list of such high finance pointers and pass them along to the network execs? Enter your suggestions in the comments below.