Dear Mom and Dad:

You wont believe what happened. 

We went to a place called Boston, and the pepple all talk like Mikey Viles and Timmy.  I can not enderstand what they say all the time, even though some of the guys let me watch Jerzey Shore the other night.  They made me leave when Snooky did the smooch smooch.  It is funy that our wiener dog is named Snooky too.

Anyway, we played the Red Sox on Monday and the game went way past my bedtime.  I was so tired!  It was raining real hard when the game was supposed to start, and Coach Kevin said we should go back in the clubhouse to take a nap.  I wanted to but I was scared as the last time I took a nap Frenchy put shaving creem in my hand and tickled my nose which made me put shaving creem on my face.  I still like Frenchy, sort of.

Anyway, on Monday I was sitting in my place on the bench eating sunflower seeds and the game lasted SO LONG.  I went threw five bags of sunflower seeds and did not get to play even though noone could score a run.  I almost fell asleep, but I kept looking at the crowd to see if the Sittuation or Jwow was in the crow, their my favorites.  Eric finally scored a run and everyone likes him.  Coach Ned made me sweep the sunflower seeds up as I did not take a shower after the game as I did not play.

On Tuesday I did not start the game and everyone kep getting hits both our team and the other team.  Coach Bob and Coach Ned were talking real loud and Coach Bob said something like he's xspendable and looked at me.  Coach Ned said I was going to pitch!  Fat Billy said something like that is nedtarded, but I went out anyway.  I got to the mound and everyone was looking at me!

The first guy that I pitched to was trying to hit for something called the cycle and would hit for the cycle if he hit a home run.  I do not know what the cycle was and I thought that he would win a bycycle or something if he hit a home run.  I thoght that if he did not hit a home run, I would win the bycycle.  I need one as the guys gave my bycycle to a new guy named Moose.  I tried my best and the guy hit it high to the big wall in left.  Alix caught it!  He did not even have to jump like I did last week.  I asked Coach Ned about my bycycle after the game and he said he would think about it.

The next guy was named Big Poppy or something and he was big.  I threw the ball and he hit really hard and high.  I thught it was a home run but it hit the big wall and Melky threw it back in.  Big Poppy only got to second.  If it was my friend Jarod he would have got a home run and be on the bench steeling my sunflower seeds.  I was scared but only for a second.

The next guy came up and hit a line drive towards second.  I thought that my friend Chris was playing second and forgot that Mikey was playing second and felt a little sad.  Last week, we had this guy named Lee Judge come talk to us and he said Chris never makes a mistake so I wanted Chris to be playing second.  Mikey did goot and caught the ball on a bounce and threw it to Eric.  Two outs!

The next guy broke his bat when he hit my pitch!  It popped up and I caught it and ran to the dugout.  I new I did good but I was scared that French was going to hit me in the nads or something so I went to the bathroom to hide.  I came out in a little bit and talked to Coach Ned and he said I did good!  There was another guy sitting in the stands and he only had sunglasses and boxer shorts on.  I asked him how he thught I did and he said something about small sample size and that I need a 3rd pitch.  I told him that I only get to play once in a while so all my playing is small sample size.

i think that I really like pitching and could play more if I pitched.  Some of the pitchers play every six days which is moor than me.  Coach Bob said that I shuld go talk to a guy on the other team named Timmy Wakefuld and he could teach me a nuckleball.  I think I might take some sunflower seeds to Timmy tomorrow and ask real nice if he could teach me the nuckleball.  If I could be a pitcher I would be able to go to baseball camp earlier and I know that Dad would like this.

MITCH   

"Bruce Springsteen, Madonna/Way before Nirvana/There was U2 and Blondie/And music still on MTV/Her two kids in high school/They tell her that she's uncool/Cause she's still preoccupied/With 19, 19, 1985."  Bowling for Soup, "1985"

Dayton Moore, after reviewing past posts at Royals Review comparing the Royals to albums by Soundgarten and REM, decides that he can gather ideas concerning his decision heading into 2012, by listening to his old cassette tapes.  As the Royals won the World Series in 1985, Dayton chooses "The Boss" of all albums from 1985, Bruce Sprinsteen's "Born in the USA."  This was one of his favorite albums when he was 18 years old, driving around in his gold 1979 Camaro Z-28 (with T-TOPS!), kicker Alpine stereo, and cruising Douglas in Wichita, Kansas drinking wine coolers and trolling for Catholic girls from Kapaun Mount Carmel.

• "Born in the USA"  -  DM remembers the debate that occurred when Ronald Reagan used this song in his campaign believing that the song was patriotic when it really was a song about how Vietnam vets were treated upon returning from the Vietnam War.  DM thinks that if the popular (or uninformed) opinion of the song is that it is patriotic, DM should be contrarian and do the opposite.  DM increases scouting in Latin America and the Caribbean by 20% and makes plan to start the first baseball academy in China and the Far East.  Second choice is that DM hears "kill the yellow man" and releases Bruce Chen.
• "Cover Me" - "Outside's the rain, the driving snow/I can hear the wild win blowing/Turn out the light,   bolt the door/I ain't going out there no more."  DM realizes that his strengths are building a farm system and making minor free agent acquisitions that can be traded for more prospects, but that he has a less than stellar track record in making blockbuster trades and/or free agent signings.  Promising that there will be no more Jose Guillen signings, DM hires Matt Klaasen "Devil Fingers" and gives him a budget of $30 million a year to sign and/or trade for an ace and a #3 starter. 
• "Darlington County" - DM sees this as an a sign that he should visit Darlington County, South Carolina.  Forgetting that the Royals no longer have a minor league affiliate in the South, DM heads up to Wilmington and decides to promote Jake Odorizzi and Noel Arguelles to NWA with a plan to seriously consider Odorizzi for the major league roster in 2012.
• "Working on the Highway" - "I saved up my money, and I put it all away."  DM remembers the generosity of Gil Meche's retirement and talks to David Glass about increasing payroll to $90 million for 2012.
• "Downbound Train" - "I had a job, I had a girl/I had something mister in this world/I got laid off down at the lumber yard/Our love went bad, times got hard."  DM finally decides that, even with his stuff, Kyle Davies will never be a consistent pitcher and does not offer Davies a contract when he becomes a free agent.
• "I'm on Fire" - "Sometimes its like someone took a knife baby/Edgy and dull and cut a six inch valley/Through the middle of my skull."  Dayton decides to give Ned Yost a lobotomy.
• "No Surrender" - "With a vow to defend/No retreat, baby, no surrender."  DM realizes that defense is important, and if Escobar keeps hitting, he will be an important asset to the organization given his defense.  Cain is called up in early July to evaluate his defense.
• "Bobby Jean" - "But just to say I miss you baby, good luck, goodbye, Bobby Jean"  DM trades Melky.
• "I'm Going Down" - "I'm sick and tired of you setting me up/Setting me up just to knock-a, knock-a, knock-a me down."  DM realizes that the A's have raped the Royals in trades at the deadline and refuses to take any phone calls from Billy Beane.
• "Glory Days" - "Yeah just sitting back trying to recapture/A little of the glory of, well time slips away/And leaves you with nothing mister but/Boring stories of glory days."  DM realizes that it has been 25 years since the Royals have won a championship, 25 years!  A whole generation of basebal fans have grown up without the Royals being relevant, and other than adding the baby blue pants to the baby blue top (and Halter Top Day!) and getting a statute of Splittorf commissioned, recalling the teams of the 70s and 80s will not put butts in the seats or make the Royals playoff contenders.   However, TV ads with Eric Hosmer and Mike Moustakas that echos the TV ads with George Brett and Johnny Damon could certainly be an effective marketing tool.
• "Dancing in the Dark."  DM remembers that a young Courtney Cox was in this video, looking rather hot in a white T-Top.  Given that Courtney is now a Cougar, DM institutes Wet T-Shirt Wednesdays with the Kane County Cougars.  Will McDonald happily agrees to MC the event.
• "My Hometown"  DM realizes that he cannot continue to be the 8 year old sitting on his father's lap driving through town.  DM has now been out of the Atlanta Braves organization (his hometown) for six years and his reliance on signing ex-Braves players due to his knowledge of the Atlanta system will not yield dividends given that he has not been with the Braves for six years. 

After taking notes and putting them in his Trapper Keeper and getting the last peach Bartles & James wine cooler from the backseat, Dayton proceeds at 90 MPH to the Darkness at the Edge of Town thinking that his Nebraska pipeline will not keep Kansas City in the Wastelands for much longer and that the Royals will finally be able to exorcise The Ghost of Ross Gload (or Tom Joad). 

Thank you for your support.

I just finished reading Will's post on what poet each of the Royals would be, and, due to my accounting background and lack of any culture, I was able to recognize only 2 or 3 names.  Therefore, I think that there should be a companion article for the less cultured (or Missouri graduates) comparing our Royals to Marvel superheroes.

Jason Kendall - old and revered for his durability.  Lack of one overriding characteristic except "grit" and leadership.  Captain America is most likely fit as the Cap has been around since the 1940s and has been the leader of the Avengers, etc.

Billy Butler - gap power, therefore not the strongest one there is (i.e. Hulk).  Not exactly fleet of foot or good defensively (i.e. one dimensional).  The Thing from the Fantastic Four is my pick.

Yuni Betancourt - lack of any skill that makes him useful to a team.  Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) of the X-Man whose main ability is to phase herself through walls or Nightcrawler of the X-Men whose ability is to teleport, however, leaves anyone he teleports sick and leaves behind a stench.  Goi with Nightcrawler.

Scotty Pods - one dimensional, speed, speed, speed.  No power.  Quicksilver of the Avengers.

David DeJesus - does everything well, but nothing great, and always brings a smile to the ballpark.  Can surprise you like this year.  Go with Spiderman as has the strength of a spider (are spiders strong?), agility, and personality.

Zack Grienke - numerous weapons, but underapreciated until breakout season.  Iron Man of the Avengers prior to the movie coming out.

Brian Bannister - intellectual with average ability.  Mr. Fantastic of the Fantastic Four.  Arch enemy would be Blade, the Vampire Hunter, who only works at night.

Joakim Soria - best at what he does.  Definitely Wolverine of the X-Man who has killer instinct.  Wolverine also has a healing factor and Soria seems to have the same with his ability to make the game exciting lately by putting runners on and then getting out of the jam.

Jose Guillen - supposed "leader" and veteran who most players (and fans) think is an asshole and too full of himself.  Go with Cyclops of the X-Men.

For the follow up article, I'll compare the Royals to American beer.  Yuni will be Old Milwaukee Light.

I love the Royals bullpen. I'm in court for 45 minutes and I come back to find a 5-0 lead is now a 6-5 deficit.

That made me try to come up with the best Royal comeback of all time.  Maybe RetroRoyal can come up with a better one, but my nominee is June 15, 1979 against the Milwaukee Brewers.  Royals behind 11-6 going into the 9th.  According to www.baseball.reference.com/boxes/MIL/MIL197906150.shtml, the Royals had a 1% chance to win. Willie Wilson singles, Jamie Quirk (drinking buddy of George Brett singles), Amos Otis (anyone remember a game where someone jumped out of the stands and took A.O.'s glove during a delay when an umpire had a heat stroke due the heat off the Astroturf) lined out, and George Scott (didn't remember him playing for K.C.) hits a two run single making the score 11-8.  Pinchhitter Pete LaCock hits a sacrifice fly to make the score 11-9 with two outs and the Royals have a 4% chance to win.  John Wathan and Frank White single, and then U.L. Washington singles to tie the score 11-11.  Willie Wilson then hits an inside the park 3 run homer to make the score 14-11.

I remember listening to that game on my headphones under the sheets as it was past my bedtime.  Ah memories.  Now I'm stuck with this bullpen.

Can anyone top this for a Royals comeback

Continue reading this post »

I have been reading this blog for about four months, and really appreciate the insight into my favorite, and eternally perplexing, Kansas City Royals. 

To get through every season (especially after May when the Royals are usually mathematically eliminatied), I need a nickname for a player that I can focus my disappointment on.  This year it shall be Yuni.  From some of the recent posts, I have seen some entertaining nicknames for our starting shortstop and include some that I have thought up.  Please tell me which one I should use.

First off, this is my first post on this blog.  I joined in October and this blog is a must read daily for me.  I have been a Cowboys fan since 1976 (the first Steelers-Cowboys Super Bowl), but I think that I've learned quite a bit from reading this blog (especially Rafe's articles) that have expanded and enriched my understanding of the game.  Thank you for a great blog.

The purpose of this post is how I view the "great" Bret Favre and the "poster boy" Payton Manning after the playoffs versus how I remember the idols of the past.  While I was watching the Cowboys/Vikings playoff game, I was trying to explain to my seven year old son who just became interested in football about Bret Favre, his gritiness, and his gunslinging attitude.  I was trying to put into context how much he meant to the Packers and now the Vikings and how "great" Favre is.  However, at the end of the game when Favre threw that meaninglesss touchdow that caused Brooking to go off on Favre, I was cussing at the television along with Brooking.  Tough to explain to a seven year old how Favre did not need to do that.

Before the Super Bowl, I was trying to explain to my seven year old my view of Manning as an exceptional quaterback and how it was probably kind of weird for him playing the Super Bowl against the franchise that his father played for.  At the end of the game (and maybe before the clock ran out) Manning walked off the field without even shaking Brees hands or otherwise acknowledging the Saints.  If I had to tell my son what I though of Manning, it would be something such as a sore loser.

With that said, I know realize that my son is growing up in a totally different era than when I idolized Staubach.  I can't imagine Roger the Dodger throwing a meaningless touchdown to settle old scores (the blowouts of the Packers in the 1990s playoffs by the Cowboys) or being a poor sport like Manning.  Maybe I'll just emphasize how hard MBIII runs and how he congratulates a tackler with a headslap after each run.

I know Favre's antics have been commented on, and I would like to know whether anyone else's opinion of Manning has been lessened after the Super Bowl.