You laughed, you cried, you recommended... now, due to boredom and craving for more attention popular demand, the producers who brought you Cardinals 2011: The Album are back, with a brand new collection of hits you and your basement will treasure!

From looking back at the roller-coaster season, to re-living the painful and tumultuous winter, to the joyful holidays shared with friends and family, this special musical collection is the perfect companion to Cardinals 2011: The Album, and can be yours only through this special Fanpost offer!

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The magical season is over, and the St. Louis Cardinals are World Champs! To  commemorate this historic year, Viva El Birdos is proud to present Cardinals 2011: The Album! This concept album channels a collection of classic hits from a baseball roller coaster ride of a year and brings you back to those cherished memories with the unforgettable songs you love! Call now to order and you can reserve a copy of the upcoming Cardinals 2011: Volume III at no extra cost!

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 June 2, 2011

mattybobo: Well, I can't tell my guest and all the readers how excited I am to be sitting down face-to-face with the one and only Albert Pujols, first baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals baseball club. Thanks so much Albert for graciously agreeing to answer a few questions for us and taking some time out of your busy schedule.

Albert Pujols: Thanks for having me matty, I just wanna give back to the fans of St. Louis, this is such a great baseball town and I love playing for a team with such great history.

mattybobo: Well said! If you don't mind Albert, I know our time is limited, but I am going to go ahead and jump right into the tough questions.

Pujols: That's fine, man.

mattybobo: As you might be aware of, this year hasn't been going exactly how you might have hoped--

Pujols: Well, I guess not a hundred percent or nothing, but--

mattybobo: --your numbers being a little down from what you're used to, I was just wondering, are you feeling pretty good, I mean, does everything feel all right so far as health, you feel like you are giving your normal amount...

Pujols: Yeah, I mean, I don't pay too close attention to the numbers, that's what you guys do--

mattybobo: [Laughs]

Pujols: --but I do pay a little bit attention, and I base my effort on when I feel like I am playing to my normal abilities and production, and I feel pretty good right now. 

mattybobo: [Pause]

Pujols: My hitting is pretty close to my career averages right now, maybe I can get them a bit higher by the end of the season, it's a long season.

mattybobo: ... So, you really feel like they're pretty close? They don't look a little low to you?

Pujols: [Pause] No, not significantly.

mattybobo: Are you familiar with a site called Fangraphs?

Pujols: Actually that's the site I use a lot, yeah. I just discovered it this year. 

mattybobo: Oh! Well, that's really cool. Um, just for example, as of today, your "slash stats", I assume you're familiar--

Pujols: Six org! Sorry. Yeah, slash stats?

mattybobo: --right, your slash stats as of today, June 2nd, are .265/.335/.412...

Pujols: Right, my ISO, which means "isolated power", it is basically the difference between your average and slugging, is right at the mid two-hundreds, maybe a touch low--

mattybobo: Wait, what???

Pujols: My ISO is a touch below career averages at .265. My batting average is real good, at .335, and my on-base, I could walk a little more, my walk percentage is lower than normal but I can still get on base and see the ball well and hit it good, so I'm not pushing the walks right now. When my numbers look good I know I'm giving a good amount of effort and I don't worry.

mattybobo: ... Um, Albert... I don't know how to say this... Um, I think you might be confusing some of the numbers here.

Pujols: What do you mean matty?

mattybobo: Well, Fangraphs doesn't list it as ISO, then average, then on base percentage.

Pujols: [Pause] They don't?

mattybobo: No... it's average first, then on base percentage, then slugging. So...

Pujols: [Long pause]

Pujols: Oh. Man, I... man. This is awkward.

mattybobo: Well, you've got a series against the Cubs coming up, you always hit well against them...

Pujols: OK, I can't hide it anymore.

mattybobo: Hide what now?

Pujols: I've won so many awards in my career, but I knew there was one award I could never win, not if I went about my business and did my thing. I could never be recognized for this one award that I always wanted to win. It would round out the trophy case perfectly, matty.

mattybobo: What possible award could you be missing?

Pujols: The Comeback Player of the Year Award! I could never win it! How can you win that award when the back of my baseball card looks like I was made up as part of a thought experiment to see if a player with only ten years can make it into the Hall of Fame? 

mattybobo: ... I don't know what to say, Albert, I... I mean, the MVPs, the Silver Sluggers...

Pujols: I mean, in 2003 I guess you could say I came back from a "down year", but how can you really call 2002 a down year? I finished second in the MVP voting in 2002! To Barry Bonds! How could they give a guy the award for being the "Comeback Player of the Year", the year after that??? Most guys would be lucky to have a career year that good!

mattybobo: [Long, awkward pause]

Pujols: You know what, matty, thank you. I can see this was foolish of me. I'm gonna give it my all from now on and stop chasing this foolish dream. Thank you. We got Jaime going next game, then we go against Dempster, I hit him well. I always like hitting against my friend Carlos Zambrano. This is it, no more playing around now. I feel some homeruns coming on, maybe some extra inning line drives, with power.

mattybobo: I'm glad I could help... I guess.

Pujols: You're a good man and a good friend. I better get going, we're going to make elbow jokes about Adam Wainwright in a few minutes.

mattybobo: Thank you so much for your time, Albert. 

Pujols: Thank you matty. Go Cards!

Well my fellow Vivi Birders, it's early February. Baseball news regarding our Cardinals has slowed to less than a trickle. Surely Ben Sheets and Manny Ramirez wait by their phones, frustrated that they haven't received any calls lately from the 314 area code, keeping hope alive by rejecting offers from the Rangers and Dodgers, respectively. Like them, we fans wait for something mildly interesting to occur so we can talk about it. In light of this I've foolishly decided to create my first fanpost, a silly idea that will surely be ridiculed, but which may provide a fun diversion for a few minutes.

A long while ago there was talk about a film version of Three Nights in August, and murmurs of Kevin Pollak being connected to it. I know there is a film about Dizzy Dean, and I believe I remember Pedro Guerrero striking out in Rookie of the Year, and Bob Tewksbury and Ozzie facing Steve Nebraska and the Yankees in The Scout. Other than that there ain't much Cardinals movie presence. This got me ta thinkin'; who would play recent members of the team in a hypothetical film project? I present a few ideas of mine and invite partisan bickering enlightened discussion and other suggestions from you the VEB community. Most of my decisions are a combination of a physicl match and enough talent that I can justify it. Since this is all a dream anyway I'm mostly ignoring age and fitness issues; just imagine all these actors are magically the right age if they're too old now or something.

Tony LaRussa - Kevin Pollak. I'll start out with the skipper. I've always found Pollak pretty funny. He's not a terribly big guy, he has dark hair, can wear sunglasses, and is good at voices (look up his explanation of how Bill Clinton is a combination of Jimmy Carter and Elvis Presley). He was already connected to the project, so why not.

Dave Duncan - Jon Voigt. A veteran character actor, Voigt could pull off our curmudgeonly old pitching coach easily.

Juan Encarnacion - Jesse L. Martin. Detective Green from Law and Order (the black guy) just screams Don Juan to me. He kinda looks like him, is better looking, and he even portrayed an alien baseball player in the X Files. I am proud of this one. Accents don't matter because Juan never really talked.

Jason Marquis - Joaquin Phoenix. Again, it's eerily fitting. Looks like him, and played a failed baseball prospect in Signs.

Jose Oquendo - Luis Guzmán. I don't think I need to explain why this is so perfect. They're even both Puerto Rican for crying out loud!

Jim Edmonds - (a much younger, shaven) Tom Selleck. Jimmy Baseball, meet Mr. Baseball.

Albert Pujols - Dwane "The Rock" Johnson. I'm only kinda kidding about this one. I've always loved The Rock even though he makes some questionable career choices. He's kinda dark. He's big. He's handsome. He's athletic. He oozes charisma. The Witch Mountain teaser during the Superbowl convinced me he has slimme down a bunch since his wrasslin' days. The accent is my only concern... maybe he could be voice-coached.

That's all I've got for now. Please discuss amongst yourselves. I apologize to the poster with the item about Hill, I was just very very bored. In all sincerity, I just hope somebody finds this amusing. If this post seems like a waste of time, I don't mind since that's pretty much the whole point.