A few weeks ago, Chemmy sent around an email with the subject line Narratives. Before I opened it, I presumed it would be a funny story about one more sports writer filing platitudes about heart, grit and other various intangibles.

I was wrong.

Chemmy's email was a request for a few of us to submit our favourite Leafs memory. A piece that would help us all take a step back from the ups and downs of the Leafs' season and remember how or why we became Leafs fans in the first place.

I can't remember a time when I wasn't a Leafs fan. I recall wearing Leafs gear to kindergarten, which would have been around 1975 or 76. I remember my first Leafs game against the Sabres in 1977. I was barely six years old and already I was a die hard.

Both of my kids are now older than I was that long ago day in '77 and neither one of them pays any attention to the Leafs. They are so disinterested in hockey, I couldn't even call them casual fans. The boy loves soccer, skateboarding and his bike. My daughter is all about her brownie troupe, disappearing into a book (it was Harry Potter, now it's Perseus Jackson) and learning to cook.

I thought I'd ask them to write a story about what it's like to live with a dad who's a bit Leafs obsessed. The boy said no way, but my daughter was gung-ho. After the jump, her story...

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So you’ve come looking for hockey stories?

I’ve got a few.

On Tuesday nights, I play in a community-run men’s league for guys 35+. It’s a six team league and each season they scramble the teams so you’re always playing with new guys. Keeps the blood down.

This Tuesday, my team was up 3-0. About halfway through the game, I came off the bench for a face-off in the offensive zone. As I moved towards the dot, the other team’s goalie came out of his net and started mouthing off to me. The gist of it – apparently I need an attitude adjustment.

I told him, "My attitude is fun."

He mustn’t have hear me. Later that shift he slashed me, tripped me and, as I stood just outside the blue paint, he tried to tackle me. He got two minutes and I didn’t get any answers.

This crazed goalie yelled at me for the rest of the game. He chirped and hollered and swore. This nice man whose kid I coached in mite hockey a few years ago had lost it.

I gave him a smile and an extra hand pump when we shook hands after the game. This seemed to set him off even more. As we left the ice he told me, sounding like a washed-up pro wrestler, that I had pumped him up for the next game and that I better be ready for him.

Ready? I suppose. Although I’d like to know what I did to garner all the attention (I did blow him a kiss when I left the rink. Seemed like the right thing to do).

On Thursday night, I know what I did.

My other men’s league team plays in the ass-end of Scarborough in the basement of a mall that never had anything approaching a glory day. The 2nd floor Chinese buffet is the anchor tenant and a decent Lebanese joint is our go-to for post-game falafels and beer.

This week we played a decent team and lost 4-3 in OT. Number 61 on the other side (and number 62 in our hearts) played the game like he was on a three metre spring board. I have never seen anyone dive quite like this guy. Touch his skates and he’s soaring through the air like Superman. Cut him off and he’s Bobby Orr in 1970, albeit 65 feet from the net and with 0.065% of the talent.

He drew two penalties on us, although he went full-on Louganis a good four or five times during the game.

In the post-game handshake line I thought I’d have a little fun. As he approached, I shook his hand and said, "I was worried this handshake would send you airborne." I thought it was funny. Guess I was alone.

Mr. Louganis followed me to my bench, followed me off the ice and followed me to the door of our change room.

He was not happy. He wanted an explanation. He wanted a retraction. He wanted justice. All 5'6" inches of this bearded hipster wanted some sort of resolution. I'm surprised he didn't dive to get one.

So here’s what I learned this week.

You can take your PDO, Corsi, Fenwick, and GVT. You can take your "seen him good," grit, intangibles, and clutchiness. You can take all the debate and discussion around these parts, but the more I play this game, the less I understand it.

Wait.

By stories, you meant Leafs content?

My bad.

Links after the jump.

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It's been nearly four months since the site overlords and I sat down to do a podcast and discuss all things Leafs.

Over those 120 days some incredible things have happened - Kaberle won a Cup, Vancouver lost the Cup, Brett Lebda was traded, and PPP was (temporarily?) overthrown from his own blog.

Joins us as Chemmy, PPP and I discuss all this and more (the mystery of Mahi Mahi, PPP's Brett Lebda tattoo) in PPP Podcast 15.

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At each home game the Vancouver Canucks take to the ice to a weak-ass U2 track from 1987. The song is older than 25% of their roster. Nice work by the Canucks in-house A/V crew.

And it gets better.

When the Canucks won the Clarence Campbell Conference, green and blue confetti rained down from the rafters littering the ice surface. The confetti created the ideal setting for 23 men on skates to tear ACLs and fall on their asses like some drunken reject on Cops. Twenty-three San Jose Sharks dodged the ice-ladened confetti is if it were a thousand marbles. Somehow the three blind men officials made it into the bowels of the building without a single fall.

This promo was so short-sighted, I'm surprised the Canucks AV guys didn't just drop 10,000 green and blue marbles from the rafters along with several thousand angry bees like some ill-conceived outtake from Jackass 2.

If the Canucks win the Cup at home, this same crack team of in-house pop culture experts are going to be in charge of a spectacle for the ages. Given their fine work to date, here are Vegas-style odds on what we might expect from the Canuck's Stanley Cup winning post-game production:

1-7: We are the Champions by Queen (John Garret weeps on air like Jeremy Roenick in 2010)
2-1: Beautiful Day by U2 (Jim Hughson takes to the ice in full Canucks gear for post-game interviews)
5-1: Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlyle (Alex Burrows bites Gary Bettman during Cup presentation)
10-1: Elevation by U2 (At least 8 Canucks take a dive and call for a penalty while skating a victory lap with Cup)
12-1: Simply the Best by Tina Turner (A Raffi Torres flying elbow takes out the white-gloved dude who carries the Cup)
15-1: These Dreams by Heart (Canucks sell post-game celebration rights to American Inshore Divers Corp.)
20-1: The Wild Boys by Duran Duran (Colin Cambell rushes the ice,  "awards" Conn Smythe to Gregory Campbell)
25-1: Just Like Paradise by David Lee Roth (Mike Gillis takes to the ice in a Green Man suit)
40-1: Pump Up the Jam by Technotronic (One allegation of hair pulling/ biting/ spearing during post-game handshake line)
100-1: One Shining Moment by David Barrett (slow-motion video montage of Canucks & Frank D'Angelo spraying each other down with Cheetah power surge energy drink)

Yes, it's PPP Podcast 13, our first episode since October, 2010.

This was actually recorded on Thursday January 6th so we're offering it to you at a deep discount in case some of the contents might have gone a bit stale.

Be sure to vote for who is the best (not worst?) Leaf.

In episode 13, Chemmy, PPP and I discuss:

Reimer, Gustavsson and what to do with the goalies (very timely, no?)
Colby Armstrong and the Heavy Lifter Index  - can he get better? (spoiler alert: MF37 says "yes.")
The future for coach Ron Wilson

Colaiacovo cap hits & injuries; Steen vs. Stempniak (Let's all blame Maurice)
Leafs roster elimination game (rules explained half-way through)

Songs after the jump...

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Before I wrestle and pin PPP to the ground as part of the feats of strength, thus ending this year’s festivus, there will be the airing of the grievances.

Brian Burke: Candor does not equal clarity. And either lose the tie or do it up properly. Half-assed works about as well with neck ties as it does with "accelerated rebuilds."

Ron Wilson: If someone offers you a job in a major media market where you have to spend part of each day talking to the media do yourself, your health and everyone else a gigantic favour - just say ‘no.’

Dave Poulin: Your next player personnel recommendation is going to have to be out-of-this-world if you're ever going to get the stink of Lebda off you and your CV.

HNIC/TSN/Sportsnet: For the love of all that’s hockey, tone down the PbP and sports panel jackassery. If I wanted badly formed thoughts, minor theatrics and yelling I’d spend more time in the suburbs with my in-laws. First channel that offers me a game sounds only channel has my undying support. Someone make this happen.

MSM: Next one that asks a GM a "Would you do it again?" question gets bounced from the sports beat over to the Lifestyle - pets section. If you're lucky and hardworking, the closest you'll get to covering sports is filing a story on a squirrel that water skis.

MLSE: You make it so hard to be a Leaf fan. Next time a Leaf gets a hat trick and the rink is littered with hats, I want to hear Tom Anselmi speak out against it. I want pull quotes with dire warnings. If a waffle can hurt an ACC patron, a pink, glittery, MLSE endorsed TML hat tossed from the purples is murder waiting to happen.

NHL: Take a page from the NFL and make the refs publicly accessible and publicly accountable. No reason they can't step up to the mic to explain why goals are called back or others stand.

Those who post trade rumours: Just stop it. Seriously. You’ve missed every trade Burke has made since becoming GM. You couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe...I lost my train of thought...

Great anecdote from Steve Simmons at the Sun today:

Sherry Bassin and coach Terry Simpson wanted Wendel Clark to play for the 1985 World Junior Canadian team, but they didn’t want the top rated defenceman in all of junior hockey to play defence.

They wanted him to play forward.

The question was: Who was going to tell him?

“Simpson said to me ‘You’re the general manager, you tell him.’ You have to understand the context of the times,” said Bassin. ‘The CHA (now Hockey Canada) people didn’t want to move him at all. They were against it. If you tried and do something like that today, and you’d have agents, GMs, grandparents all calling complaining. I just went down and saw Wendel in his hotel room and tried to break it to him gently. I said ‘Clarkie, how would you feel about playing forward?’ I was waiting for a negative response.
“And he said ‘Mr Bassin, ‘I just want to play on the team. I don’t care what position I play.’

The rest of the entry is well worth a read.

In reading Godd Till's 6th day of Leafmas request I was struck by two things:

1. How long it's been since the Leafs played a game that actually, genuinely mattered. I'm not talking about late season nail biters to see if this team can squeak into the post-season. I'm talking about OT games with no threat of a shootout, or the thrill and tension of a game 7 where an entire season is on the line.
2. How does the Leafs current five year drought (sure to be six next April) stack up against the rest of the NHL?

So  I decided to look at all 30 NHL teams and their longest post-season drought since the league expanded in 1967: 

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Jonas Siegel has a great blog post up today listing 10 games this season where the Leafs gave up a cluster of goals in a very short time. For those of you scoring at home, that means the Leafs have been torched for multiple goals in three minutes or less in 30% of their games this season.

I wanted to take Jonas' nice research one step further and add a goaltending column to see if there was any sort of pattern...

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For years, at the beginning of each hockey season and again at the start of the playoffs, my friends and I would put together a spreadsheet that collected all of the predictions from the so-called "experts" to which we'd add our own selections. Once the season/playoffs wrapped,  we'd do a compare and contrast to see how we all stacked up. More importantly, we'd also have a written record to determine which one of us should be mocked mercilessly for our wrong, and often dumb, predictions.

A few jobs and many computers later, all but one of those spreadsheets have been lost. The only one I've been able to turn up is from the 2005-06 season.

I thought it would be interesting to re-visit the picks to see how all of our favourite talking heads performed (I love that Don Cherry picked Bochenski for the Calder; any surprise that Maguire went with Jeff Carter?).

This was the first year post-lockout, so we should give these folks plenty of slack for many of their predictions. Looking back, I'm stunned Phoenix posted 38 wins and it's interesting to see the list of teams that missed the post-season. Two of them have since won the Stanley Cup.

2005-06 Season Predictions

For those of you who have had enough of the blogs v. mainstream media discussions, I apologize in advance for yet another 500 words on a topic that's worn more than a little thin.

For those of you interested in media relations and the inner-workings of media access and credentialing, Greg Wyshynski has put up a must read post, that reveals, among other things, that certain NHL teams want to control who has access to their locker room when they're on the road. 

I can't say I blame them. 

I also wouldn't be surprised if NHL media relations departments aren't alone in pushing for restricted access. I suspect there are some reporters out there who don't exactly relish the thought of more competition for quotes, for access, for scoops, and - heaven forbid - for insight and analysis.

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Fresh ice to discuss the latest UFA day happenings...

If there's one thing Leafs fans can universally agree on, it's that Tomas Kaberle is likely to get traded in the next six weeks.

Some Leaf fans just want the trade done, some worry about the return (Modano and a 2nd?!?),  and others dream big dreams of Burke landing Bobby Ryan or some other completely unattainable, unrealistic, not-going-to-happen, why-are-you-even-wasting-our-time asset.

Now's your chance to go on the record and post a comment to predict what you think will happen with Tomas Kaberle: what team is Burke going to trade him to and what will the Leafs get in return?

The winner, or the person who comes the closest to getting this trade correct, gets a shout-out in PPP Podcast #9 (no guarantee that Ryan and I won't edit out any shout-out.)

Jonas Gustavsson played in 42 Games for the Leafs in 2009-2010. More importantly, he played 11 of those games after the arrival of Dion Phaneuf and Fredrik Sjostrom.

As Gustavsson is the main constant between the Leafs pre and post-Phaneuf, I wondered if Leaf fans could observe anything of note by comparing stats from the games Gustavsson played in before and after the January 31st makeover of the Toronto Maple Leafs. 

Now, I'll be the first to admit that this is a ridiculously small sample size and it would be folly to draw any conclusions from it. I'm not posting this as any type of statistically valid study, nor am I suggesting that these numbers can be extrapolated into something larger. I'm simply collecting the math and posting it here to further the discussion on whether the Leafs' so-called turnaround might have been the result of new players arriving or if it had more to do with the departure of Vesa Toskala and his sub-par play.

The following table should be self-explanatory.

The middle column lists the Leafs' stats in games that Gustavsson played prior to the acquisition of Phaneuf and Sjostrom; the column on the right has the stats for games that Gustavsson played post-Phaneuf and Sjostrom.

As many of you may know, Richard Loat of the very cleverly named Canucks Hockey Blog is doing a cross-Canada road trip this summer. He'll be playing a little ball hockey against local fans and bloggers in Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto, Winnipeg, Regina, Edmonton, Calgary, Vancouver and Victoria. At each stop, he's hoping to generate donations for local food banks.

The Toronto game is scheduled for 3PM on Thursday,  July 1st (Canada Day) at Withrow Park. The outdoor rink, where the Leafs held a public outdoor practice in 1998, is located south of the Danforth, between Logan and Carlaw. Closest Subways are Pape or Chester. 

Richard is looking for players for the Toronto game. If you would like to play some ball hockey with your fellow bloggers and Leaf fans, please get in touch with Richard via email. You'll need to bring a stick and some canned goods to the rink on July 1 (I'd also suggest a cup, hockey gloves and other assorted protective gear...)

Details for the Five Hole for Food tour

Where: Withrow Park

When: Thursday, July 1st, 2010

Time: 3:00 PM EST

Food Bank Beneficiary: Second Harvest

Special Guests: Duke the Dog is going to be out for the Toronto Marlies. (If it's over 90F we can bet on how long the poor guy in the costume lasts before requiring medical assistance).

Kevin McGran of The Toronto Star has an update on the Kulemin and Kaberle situations. First up, Kulemin:

Maple Leafs free agent Nikolai Kulemin wants to remain in Toronto, says his agent, with the two sides being about $1 million apart on a new contract...it’s believed Kulemin is looking for $3.5 million a year while the Leafs are offering in the neighbourhood of $2.5 million. 

As for Kablerle, it's a bit of a mixed message from MLSE:

...the Leafs front office is musing about signing defenceman Tomas Kaberle to a long-term extension just as at least four teams are showing interest in the perennial all-star. Columbus and Florida...are believed to hold a strong interest in the 32-year puck moving defenceman. Burke says he wants a quality player in return, rather than a high draft pick. But Nonis said the team would only deal Kaberle if the offer made "long-term" sense.

The Sunday Star Sports section has a funny profile on Bobby Hull, Stan Makita and the renaissance of the Chicago Blackhawks, it includes this gem:

"(Former Montreal Canadien) Yvan Cournoyer called me a couple of days ago," says Hull, an ambassador for the Hawk franchise where he built a legacy over 15 seasons between the 1950s and ’70s. 

"He said, ‘I'm just calling to wish you good luck against those goddamn Flyers,' " Hull says with a respectable French Canadian accent for effect.

It seems Cournoyer and Hull, one-time arch-rivals and skilled practitioners of the game, share a distaste for Philadelphia’s brand of Broad Street Bully hockey renowned more for its thuggery than its on-ice majesty.

"I said, ‘We’ll do our best Yvan’ and I told him I haven’t liked that team since ’67.’ "

Hull switches back to a heavy French accent for the punchline.
"Bobby, I no like ’em since I was born."

 

You can read the rest, including a clever Ovechkin joke, here.

The Sporting News has posted a story that claims Hossa and his agent used an advanced statistical model to predict which teams were elite (likely to earn 100+ points in a season).

"When Marian hired us, one of his objectives consistently was to look for an elite organization to play for," [Agent Rich] Winter said. "We do a statistical analysis of performance to determine (elite teams)."   Hossa and Winter weren't about to leave this huge decision to chance -- or feel. They, again, hand-picked Hossa's next team based on an intense study.   Winter defines elite as a 100-point team, so he added Hossa's expected statistical performance to the projected performance of each team's current roster to find which teams would be contenders with him.   "You can, using statistical models, determine with a high degree of probability, the 100-point teams," Winter said.

The Sporting News article is well worth the read, although I do  wonder how much, if anything, can be mined from the limited details of Winter's so-called predictive model...

Michael Farber pens a powerful piece about Brian Burke, Brendan and the Olympics. It's a very sad article, but really worth a read.

Barely a week after his son Brendan died in a car crash, Maple Leafs G.M. Brian Burke was in Vancouver keeping his commitment to the U.S. team he forged—and vowing to champion gay rights in Brendan's memory.

For better or for worse, these are now Brian Burke's Toronto Maple Leafs.

Well, to be fair and a bit more accurate, perhaps it should be said that these are Brian Burke's transitional Toronto Maple Leafs. After shipping out six players in the Phaneuf andGiguere trades, Burke is responsible for acquiring over 60% of the current Leafs roster.

After the jump, 1980s style WYSIWYG graphics, some poor-man analysis and a bunch of the usual caveats...

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Kevin Allen of USA Today is reporting that:

The U.S. Olympic Hockey selection committee will have a 3 p.m. conference call and undoubtedly there will be a health update about Komisarek

Before Festivus moves on to the feats of strength, I want to get in on the airing of the grievances.  This may take a while...

Mike Milbury: How is it that, arguably the worst GM in the history of the NHL, is a talking head on half the hockey games I watch? Giving Milbury a weekly platform is like a  having a surgeon who has been defrocked for killing all of his patients as an on-air medical expert.  The CBC should be ashamed.

Jim Hughson: We get it, you love the star players. What's that? You've got a great anecdote about one of the Sedins a dry cleaners and a loveable chimp? That's fantastic, but can we please save it for a stoppage in play as I'm trying to watch the game? Oh, uh, fine tell the story, it's not like I'm trying to watch a hockey game here.

Craig Simpson: You may have put up big numbers with the Oil, but you were a failure as a special teams coach and you seem to bring about the same level of insight to the game as my four year old who's mostly interested in the fact that one team wears gloves that are blue.

Trade Rumours: Post-lockout, big trades are about as common as a Vesa Toskala shut-out. Please treat them as such. Better yet, let's put a moratorium on trade speculation until the week before the trade deadline and the week before the draft - that's the only time deals really happen.

The Complete Lack of NHL Transparency/Accountability: It's time for the refs to stand at a podium post-game each night. The guys in the war-room too. Is it too much to ask for the rules on video review and goal scoring to be explained to the fans?

"Duh" Sports Headlines: The National Post is currently telling me that Phil Kessel is looking for points against the New York Islanders. Stop the freakin' presses! I thought Kessel was looking to register for a new place setting or maybe hoping his mum sees him on TV.  Same goes for stories about players "hoping to bounce back." Headlines like that might be news if there were actual cases out there of players who are looking to continue their downward spiral, keep that slide going a few more games. Well I'm at it, no more "Gentle Giant" stories about hockey pugilists that are teddy bears at heart...

Don't Tell Me What Athletes are "Thinking": Whenever I watch a game, the PBP or colour guy will invariably comment on what a player was thinking on a given play. "Stempniak was obviously thinking about how much time is left on the clock there..." Really?!? How the hell do any of us know what Stempniak is thinking? For all we know, poor Mr. Stempniak may be thinking that his hockey gloves stink more than usual tonight or that he's hoping he doesn't have to sit next to Wallin on the bus ride to the airport or that maybe he can force a pass through six guys to make a play...

Cap Space isn't moving for high draft picks: Tell me the last time a bad contract was traded straight-up for a meaningful pick? It doesn't happen. Between waivers and the KHL, GMs are loathe to move assets to cover a mistake. Somehow, despite the fact that these trades are about as common as Mike Milbury making a salient point, the media will file bi-weekly stories between the Olympics and the trade deadline on how teams with cap space will be looking to take-on bad contracts in return for a high draft pick.

Draft Day Confabulation: Any moron with a dial-up connection and the ability to type "NHL Draft 2007" can make a list of all the misses made by various teams. If you're going to do that, give me some context - what other teams missed, how did other teams do at the draft table? What's the average games played for the players drafted by the team in question? You know what, I'm putting a new rule on the table: if you want to criticize past drafts, you have to put up your draft selections, in order, for the first three rounds at least 24 hours before draft day. No list, no complaints, no smart assed columns and no annoying twitter feeds.

The Winter Olympics: A horribly corrupt, profiteering global multinational organization that's only interested in maximizing profits and protecting their brand at all costs and I'm supposed to get on board? Canuck please. I'll watch the hockey, but the rest of these so-called sports bore me. Is there a verb stronger than bore? Let me put it this way: if aliens landed on earth and carried some horrific virus that only affected winter Olympic athletes, I don't know that I'd bother to follow the story. But thanks CTV for cramming all those ads down my throat for the last 8 months. That's given me all sorts of viewing pleasure.

As I'm sure most Leaf fans know, on Tuesday December 1st, the federal government announced $20M infrastructure funding for the transformation of Maple Leaf Gardens into an athletic facility.

For the last while, I've been very fortunate to have been part of the team that worked on this inititiative.

As a Leafs fan, it's been an amazing experience to spend many hours inside Maple Leaf Gardens, a space that was witness to some incredible moments of Canadian history.  From Stanley Cup wins to Elvis, the Beatles, Winston Churchill and Tim Buck.

Sometime soon, I'll put up a post with some thoughts and hopefully lots of photographs, in the interim, here are some stunning photos of the Gardens taken a month or so ago by Toronto Star photographer (I don't think I can oversell how great these Star photos are) and some recent shots from a Flickr pool. 

And here are a few ideas of what the new space might look like:

A rendering of the building looking at the south east corner (Church and Carlton)

The interior: underground parking, retail at grade, an MLG heritage site, athletic facilities - including a rink - on two upper levels.

PPP has already proposed booking ice some time in 2011-12 for a Barilkosphere skate...

An anonymous comment over at my blog Bitter Leaf Fan raised the question of how exactly the Leafs arrived in their current mess.

There’s not a single cause or easy explantion.

This franchise has gone through three, maybe even four, different phases since 2000, however; with the exception of one small window, all of these phases have focused on the short-term, sacrificing picks and prospects for a supposed fix.

After the jump, a look at the Leafs' propensity to deal away the future and the pile of pocket lint, loose change and used gum wrappers they got in return.

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Is this the low point for Leaf fans or does that come with a loss to the Carolina Hurricanes on Thursday?

I'm just kidding, everyone knows the low point comes when the Leafs win the draft lottery in June and hockey fans around the world hear the story of the last time the Leafs had the #1 overall pick and selected Wendel Clark.

And with that little ray of sunshine, here's your emergency FTB (a bit of a scramble to get this up, post your links in the comments and I'll refresh throughout the day).

• Godd Till vents about last night's Leafs game over at Zambonic Youth. Looks like he's giving this team a time-out until they learn to play better
• Toronto Sports Media says this loss hurts more than most. Apparently the first cut isn't the deepest, it's the 11th (or is it the 16th?)
• General Borschevsky has a game review up.
• Over at Bitter Leaf, MF37 (hey that's me) wonders where will the talent come from to make the Leafs competitive again?
• Sports and the City has one word for this Leafs season and, surprisingly, it's not a profanity
• Truculence is Everything has a photo of one of the few bright spots from last night's tilt.
• Toronto Mike has a simple plan for the Leafs this year. Remarkably, it's one that Stajan seems to have mastered.
• Loser Domi haz a sad.

Rotoworld is reporting that Ottawa Senators Jason Spezza and Chris Neil "fought" each other at practice today.

No word on whether the contents of their purses were spilled during the incident.

Update: Here's video footage of the scrap:

"I don't know what happened," [Spezza] said. As teammates, sometimes you get into it. It was just a (spitting) match. I'll buy him lunch today. But I knew when he dropped the gloves, it was time to get out of there. Just stay at arm's length."

- Allan Panzeri, Ottawa Citizen

Too bad for Spezza that there weren't any linesmen on the ice or Neil would never have engaged.

Fan590 is reporting that Jonas Gustavsson has been placed on IR with a groin pull. Joey MacDonald has been called up on emergency recall (doesn't have to clear waivers).

It's estimated that Gustavsson will be out for at least one week. 

blurr update - Hot off the presses, the Canadian Press is now reporting the same:

The Toronto Maple Leafs placed Jonas Gustavsson on injured reserve Thursday morning with a groin injury and recalled fellow goaltender Joey MacDonald from the Toronto Marlies of the AHL.

Gustavsson, nicknamed The Monster, is expected to miss at least one week.

PPP Update: Chemmy and I have been tossing around ideas on how to deal with this news. Here is what we have:

How to commit suicide quickly and without a lot of fanfare

1. Cut femoral artery in a hot tub
2. Jump off of a bridge into ottawa traffic
3. The Wellwood - Try to eat as much as Kyle Wellwood

What ones can you come up with?

From Eliotte Friedman's Twitter feed

Interesting: Boston Globe pushes idea of Kessel/Dubinsky/Toronto/Boston/Rangers 3-way

Boston Globe is here:

With Burke willing to surrender his pair of first-round picks, he conceivably could flip one of those picks and possibly a prospect to the Rangers for Dubinsky, who last year connected for 13 goals and 41 points for the highly-mediocre Blueshirts. Burke then could turn around and offer Chiarelli the first-rounder and Dubinsky, the 60th pick overall in the 2004 draft, for Kessel.

Follow Friedman on twitter here.

As I type this, Elton John’s "Sad Songs" is trapped in my head like a fruit fly slowly drowning in a glass of wine.

Earlier today, one of my kids somehow managed to lodge "I Believe I Can Fly" in my brain pan. That dirge was like a poor mouse caught in the toxic glue-like sticky-trap that is my brain.

When author and mountaineer Joe Simpson broke his leg 26,000 feet up a mountain and was left for dead, dehydrated and hallucinating he said the worst part of his ordeal was he couldn’t get Boney M’s "Brown Girl in the Ring" out of his head.

Why is it that if a song is going to get stuck in your head, odds are it will be a bad one? Why can't it be a great song that takes root, putting a smile on your face?

After the jump, it's the training camp style return of five questions - an exhibition match of sorts featuring bad music, bad decisions, great goals and hair so bad it's good (or is it hair so good it's bad?) 

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